Soberfest 2005 in Jamestown, ND

Good morning. My name is Jim Girling. I'm an alcoholic. By God's grace, good sponsorship, the actions of Alcoholics Anonymous. I've been sober since September 1, 1998.

There's one cup of coffee down. This, talk's gonna go quickly. I you know, Gary, I I saw it coming, and I was sitting there watching, and I I saw it kinda start tipping it. I was powerless to do anything about it. And I Yeah.

You know, I can assure you, the only reason my life is ain't good at all is because you people are in it, and, you let me be a part of your life. I'd like to thank, the committee for asking me to to participate today. I can assure you that, I I've heard most of the speakers, who are here with us this weekend. I've heard most of them speak and, you are in for a real treat. The, the message that these people carry really contains depth and weight.

And, and, so, morning. I used to drink. I, you know, Alcoholics Anonymous does for me in the long term what what alcohol used to do in the short term. Here, today I've learned that I can be okay and be sober, and and and sometimes feel like I'm really in the right place at the right time and I don't have to take a drink to do it. And I and I never, I never had that before.

The only time I had that before was when I drank alcohol. And and I didn't even really even know it, you know, until I drank alcohol. You may have heard described from, in Alcoholics Anonymous. I've I know I've heard it come, you know, many different ways. I am a person who just never really felt like they were in the right place at the right time.

There was always happening somewhere else, with someone else, doing something else that was gonna somehow fix, in a vague way what I I should say what I vaguely knew what was wrong with me. There was something wrong and I really couldn't quite figure it out. I didn't know if it was the world and I didn't know if it was, me. And and so my life was really just sort of a quest from an early age to try and, to fix what Jim's mom so aptly talks about, those missing pieces that I seem to have as I went through my life. And and you know, I tried a lot of different things before I found alcohol.

I always sort of related to, the Parton Bill story, you know, where he talks about, the warnings and the prejudices of his people, concerning drink. Because my mom did this a lot, Jim, you shouldn't drink. And I never intended to, you know. When she described those people in my family who who, couldn't hold their liquor, I thought those poor people are dropping their drinks everywhere. You know, I I didn't know what that meant at all.

And and, so at any rate, I one time in an attempt to fit in, you know, I joined a gang and, and I just I really just longed to be a part of. I, I I wanna tell you though, if you wanna strike terror into the hearts of those on the playground, don't join a gang called the Sunshine Boys. It doesn't wasn't, it wasn't what I expected. And of course, I was disappointed and I had to quit. And I think long about, you know, to give you an example of how much I think about myself, I'm always thinking about me or what you think of me, and I didn't really realize that until I got to Al Cox anonymous.

I wouldn't have really been able to tell you. I still don't understand the depth of my selfishness. I just, I'm maybe just beginning to understand that now. I'm just so self absorbed all the time. And, and I'm in school, and I feel inadequate, and I feel, you know, just kinda anxious.

And I've got a best friend, but, you know, I'm sure he's got another best friend somewhere else. And if you really knew me, you know, but yet I'm struggling to fit in. And, I was in choir, when I was in junior high and the choir teacher was going over some stuff and he hit a note on the piano. He said, Jim, can you sing that note? And I sang that note.

And he said, you've got a pretty good ear. And that's all I needed to hear. I got some recognition, I got some approval, and I sang, in everything I could be in, you know, from that time on. And I and I just, I really, you know, tried hard and I got into my senior year, and I and I, went to the contest or whatever, and I I, got the honors concert solo, you know. And, like, this was the big deal right then, you know.

And I and I got out there, and I sang my song, every plot, and I walked away just feeling empty, you know. Because I always look for something outside of me to make me whole, you know. And and, long about that time, same time, I guess, a few years earlier in high school, some guy came up to me. I was in a new town, you know, just really uncomfortable and feeling out of place. And he came up to me and said, hey, you wanna split a 6 pack?

And I'm like, you bet. You know? Right away, there's no mental hesitation, you know. I don't have I don't have the defense it takes to stay away from that first drink. And and I don't even have the hesitation.

I'm like, you bet. You know, I I seek approval. I didn't really like the guy, you know. And, and and he said, okay, give me $3 and we'll go get a 6 pack, we'll split it. And and a couple years ago, in NAA, I realized that was like 1982, you know.

I gave this guy $3 for a 6 pack. I got ripped off, you know. He I bought that guy half of a 6 pack, but it was worth it, you know. By the time I got those 3 beers down me, my whole perception of life changed. Everything just sorta all that anxiety and fear and guilt and and frustration.

Sometimes there was a reason for it. Sometimes there wasn't. I just had these nameless feelings bouncing around inside me. All that stuff just went and it didn't matter. None of that stuff mattered.

And I thought, why the hell would my mom ever tell me not to do this? You know, because it worked, and it worked well. And I I love the the effect that's produced by alcohol. I get that sense of ease and comfort, that comes at once by taking a few drinks. And I don't even have to take them, you know, all I have to do is think about taking them and my whole attitude can change, you know.

And I seem to, certainly I wasn't aware of it then, but I would just walk around in these periods of sobriety and and get more and more uptight, and more and more, anxious, and more and more, you know, just and until I could again have that, you know. And, and I couldn't stay away from it. And I got in a little trouble right away. I went to treatment. My parents sent me to treatment when I was 16 years old.

So, and and after that, I got out and I, you know, I did the, like, the steps and treatment and the the counselor said, you're never gonna make it. And then, you know, gave me a little finger. And I went out and I went to my meeting a week in the little town where I lived and and, and I listened. It seems to me now keep in mind, I have a perception problem. But it seems to me that they they just talked about not drinking, you know.

And, and it wasn't very long before those those feelings just started to come back. And I remember really being anxious and unsellable at night, and I'd laying in my bed and and I'm thinking, it's not it's not the the booze I miss. You know, these people in AA, they're talking about not drinking, and they go to their meetings, but it's the feeling that it gave me. I, you know, I live for that. I love that.

And I'd never heard it mentioned in a meeting of alcoholics. Now I was, of course, I'm not a very good listener either. So, not to say that the message wasn't there, but I wasn't ready to hear it. And, and and I, you know, in AA, I've I'm beginning to learn a lot of things. I'm beginning to learn about this disease that I suffer from, alcoholism, which is apparently 2 fold, obsession and allergy.

Okay. And so I get to college, and I'm talking to this guy and and, walking around just, you know, sober and uptight, and I feel out of place just like I always feel. And, and we're hanging out one night, and he and he says, Jim, you ever shotgun to be this? What do you how do you shotgun a beer? So he went through the whole process, you know, showed me how to do it.

I'm like, by God, I have never shotgun to beer. So this time, it'll probably be alright. Never mind the time I was sober. Never mind the trouble I got in. And I and and and I, I tell you, I did not get it for years.

I drank long past the point where anything important in my life was gone. Anybody important in my life was telling me, Jim, look, we love you, but you're you're dying. You're killing yourself. I got those frothy emotional appeals from my family. And, and and I just I couldn't get past it.

So I have this, this thing, this obsession in my head that causes me to think, it'll be okay. It's gonna be okay this time. You know why? Because I'm not gonna drink that stuff. I'm not gonna drink it with those people, you know.

And, and, I don't know how blue I can get up here. But, when I came to with no clothes on, in the back of a hatchback in Maine Avenue on Fargo, you know, Sunday morning, is there a worse time than Sunday morning? The sun's shining, you know, right through that hatch, like, big God's flashlight. Just, you know. And I remember I remember scraping my clothes together, and climbing out of the car, and starting a long walk, and all the way across town, back home thinking, I will never drink sloe gin with somebody who I met at a bus stop again, ever.

You know? Just look what happened. These people are driving by on Sunday morning on the way to church, you know. In my mind, you know, that hatchback was parked on an incline. I don't know that it was, but everybody, I'm sure surprised the cops weren't called again.

So what is it in my mind that causes me to to throw all that stuff out the window and worse, you know? When I woke up, glued to the carpet and what I'm pretty sure I you know, I I don't have a real exciting drinking story, but, because I passed out a lot and I peed everywhere. And, and, you you know, that's that sums it up. So when I came to, after this, party, peeling my face off the carpet and what I hope was my own urine. I'm glad I hope it wasn't somebody else's.

You know, and I remember vaguely the night before going around the party and and, and the guy who had stabbed me 2 weeks earlier was introducing himself as a stabbing suspect, and I was introducing myself as a stabbing victim. And I, you know, when when those kind of things happen in my life, and then I sober up and I realize I have nowhere else to turn, that's where I end up again. You know? I have no place else to go. I have no I literally, the wheels were gone long before I was ready to sober up.

And, and so, you don't get asked back to many parties when stuff like that happens, mind you. But I got to wear a patch for a long time. We were at a party in, Washington. I suppose I should jump back here. I jump around a lot.

Right, Jeff? I was at a party in Washington one night, in Washington state. I I gotta tell you, I make bad decisions, drunk or sober. Okay? So how did this start?

I woke up, one morning in college and I thought, this place is killing me. Not to, you know, not to mention the fact that I hadn't gone to class for 2 weeks I was partying all night and drinking, you know, sleeping all day. But I just woke up this morning and thought, this place is killing me. I gotta get out of here. So I so I instantly made the decision that I was gonna hitchhike hike across the country.

I end up out out west somewhere in Washington state, in this little fishing town, and and, hanging out with my new buddies who, one of whom was released from McNeil Island Penitentiary for armed robbery. And and, you know, I I would I want you to know though, I'm the lower companion here. Okay? So get a little argument at a party one night, and I get stabbed in the eye. And, 2 weeks later, you know, when they're picking me up from the hospital, same same people, and, and we're heading to the bar, you know, all that stuff is it how does that stuff leave my mind?

Other than to say, I am absolutely powerless over alcohol. I used to think that powerlessness was the fact that I would go out and drink and do stupid stuff like that. But I can't stay away from it in the 1st place. Period. Given given the chance, I will always take that first drink and and that's what it comes down to.

I have no ability to control whether I'm gonna take that drink or not. And, the other part of alcoholism is the allergy, as I understand. And the allergy is that abnormal reaction that I seem to have, when I, you know, when I get a a few drinks in me, and I I I I don't wanna stop. And it's not, you know, 'Hey, I'm gonna pull out the brown paper bag and sit down on the curb and drink.' it's it's you know, I tell myself, well, I'm not gonna drink or when I go to the bar, I'm gonna have 6 and I'm I bought the 6th one because I drink them in like a half hour. It's happy hour, man.

And, I'm thinking, is this 6 or 7? Ah, screw it. You know? And I'm off, you know? And, and I and I always overshoot the mark and, you know, come to the next day somewhere.

God knows how. And, and, and trying to figure out what happened. And that just, you know, kinda propels me to the next drink. So, if I could just stay away from it, probably be okay, or if I could just control it. I I had some experiments there.

I remember staying at the bar one night and I and I was able to, a few times maybe, muster the ability to just have a beer or something, you know. And I was miserable. I was pissed. I was just pissed the whole time. And, so I couldn't control and enjoy my drinking, and that's what constantly goes through my mind.

So I start to drink, and I have this reaction, and I want more. And, you know, maybe I don't know. Maybe they say, maybe 10% of the population has that reaction to alcohol. I don't know. But, when I heard allergy, I always thought, like, you know, sneezes and, you know, the different kind of allergies you have.

My my, grandma has an allergy to bee stings, for example, and, she doesn't do anything, to put herself in a place where she can be around bees, you know. It's always rolling up the windows and she carries a little shot with her in case she does happen to get stung, she can take care of that allergic reaction. And, her mind she know what I mean. My grandma God bless her. 90 93, I think she is now.

But she's never called me once and said, Jim, you know, I think it was just those plain old honeybees that did it me and last time. I I I'm probably gonna go hang around these bumble bees, and I'll probably be okay, you know. But with my mind, you know, that's, I have that allergic reaction in the mind that that just I it's, you know, and it kills me. It just it literally kills me. And so, I, I went in and out alcoholics and on and on them a lot since I was 16.

So, if you're new or retread like me or if you're, maybe you're in AA for a while and you just, you know, you're maybe you're on the verge of leaving. I there goes one now. Come back. Damn. Miss now.

Welcome to Alcoxonos, and I and I hope you find something here, in the way of the solution I found. And, and believe me, I didn't come by it perfectly willingly, and I and I I I do a lot of things in Alcoholics Anonymous grudgingly, and I sobered up and I and I and all the you know, when I get sober, physically sober, all the problems that I've that are in my life, they're still there. All the reasons I drank are still right there. Now they're just they just seem to amplify, you know. And unless I can do something about that, I'm doomed.

And so, I was desperate enough again to try Alcoholics Anonymous again. It always seems to be the last house on the block. And, well, a little over 7 years ago, I had just been fired from a, fast food chicken place, which will remain anonymous, And, and, lost my apartment and, and, had a bike. It wasn't my bike, you know. It was one of the guys in AA.

I just took it and, he's got it back today, though. So and I peddle over my brothers and my brother said, you can stay with us, Jim, if you don't drink. And so, there's nothing extraordinary about that. I've been in that position many times with my family, and, too many to count, actually. And, and, you know, I was praying to God for an answer.

And I you gotta God, you gotta help me change my life. And one of these boobs may called, you know. And they wanna go have coffee or go to a meeting or something. And I'm thinking, God, that's not the answer I need. You know?

What's gonna make me okay here? I'm I'm dying. I I'm dying drinking, and I'm dying sober. What am I supposed to do? And that phone would ring, you know.

And, and I'd see the caller ID, and I wouldn't pick it up, you know. Because I knew it was one of those guys for me. And they'd wanna go to a meeting or go have coffee. And, not what I expected, you know. And, but thank God that you people are patient enough and kind enough and tolerant enough to to, to let me make the mistakes that I needed to make and to to let me be in enough pain, in order to want to change, you know.

And, what happened, I was living in Fargo, and this guy, Jeff, moved to town, who's my sponsor today. And he started working with people, and started, you know, going to meetings. And he he well, it's not started. I mean, he's been sober a while and, didn't get there by doing nothing, I'm sure. So, but he found the 2 sickest, absolute sickest boobs he could find and started working with him.

And I was one of them. And, and, you know, I always learn more by what you do than than what you should tell me, you know. Because I have this perception problem. I filter stuff through my head. And, and, it it doesn't come out right ever, you know.

And so when I see you people in alcoholics and I was doing what they're doing, it that has a much bigger impact, it seems to me, on on on how I, behave or how I'm willing to change. And you guys did things like show up on time. You know, I gotta tell you, that's never been a part of my, it's never really been a part of my life. My wife the other day, well, it's been a while now. She said, I'm going out with some friends and, and and I might have a drink.

And she was concerned that, you know, I'd be worried about this. And I and I said, okay. You know? And she goes, well, when I come home, and I Jane, stop right there. You might go out and have a drink and come home.

I, on the other hand, might go out and have a drink and end up 3 states away, 4 days later. You know? So there are people out there who don't react to alcohol like I react to, which it's, easy for me to forget sometimes. But, at any rate, so do you guys did what you did and I saw what you were doing and I hoped that maybe, maybe, just so so far removed from that, just maybe it would work for me too if I tried some of the things you were doing, even though I didn't believe that they work. I remember, one night, I called my sponsor and I'm like, I got this apartment.

I can't pay the rent. What do I do? And he said, well, you know, you're gonna make this right, but obviously, you gotta get your stuff out there. So Marcus and I, from Fargo, he's, Marcus and I were always drinking, you know, back and forth, and then the next guy would get the, you know, he'd get the seat one time, and I'd get the front seat next time. But, I remember, pushing this car that didn't run that I had, which reminds me, it did I gotta say this because it it, I think it's important.

My my it's a privilege for me to be an alcoholic. It's not my right, and driving is also a privilege. It's not my right. So I didn't have a license anyway. Neither of us did.

The car didn't run, and we're making this midnight move out of this apartment. We're pushing this car, like, half mile, you know, across this vacant lot. And and I'm just, pissed and uptight. And and I remember Marcus always tells the story. He said, Jim, I over at you and I thought, there's a dead man right there, you know.

And and I'm sober. You know? And, and, and I get to these meetings, and, and, and I'd see my sponsor doing things, like, go he'd go up, and new guy there. And I was the new guy once, damn it. And he new guy there.

And he'd go up, and he'd stick out his hand. He'd start talking to him about the dumbest stuff in ever. And, but again, I learn more by what you do than what you tell me. And and, so I'm standing outside the meeting one night, and, and I'm smoking and there's a new guy standing there. I'm standing there looking at him, you know, thinking I know I'm supposed to be doing something here, but I really don't I really don't care.

And, so my sponsor comes out and and he's he instantly just sees what's happening. And he goes over and he shakes this guy hand this guy's hand and starts asking him questions. And I'm watching him and he starts asking questions. Your job what do you do? I work at Pizza Hut?

And the guy says and and he gets the most interested look on his face, my sponsor. And he says, now do they ship that dough in or do you make it all right there? You know? And the guy just lit up. And and instantly here is somebody new who felt uncomfortable, just like me, many times, who now feels welcome because somebody takes an interest, you know.

And I and I remember thinking, who cares? It's pizza dough. You know? If you want if you want the colonel's secret recipe, see me after the meeting. No.

I'm I'm glad that, people in Alcoholics Anonymous understood how just deeply sensitive and and and fragile I am. And I'm over it just my emotions really always just get the best of me. And, so much so that they gave me a nickname when I got here. They called me the colonel. And, and my sponsor to this day, he has got he's got a way to bust me.

My ego well, many, many ways. So believe me. When I was drinking one time, I, I, borrowed a car. And the guy didn't know I borrowed his car. And, and when I I just drove home, that's all.

I parked it close to my home, not in my, you know, house, of course, because then I'd be caught. And, and there was some stuff in the car, and I took it. And, there was a coat in the car, and it had the name Roy on it. And, I wore that coat everywhere. What everywhere.

Everywhere for for a long time. And, so this one time I was in a car accident, and, the rescue crew comes. Right? And they're gonna they're they're, bang we're banged up pretty bad. It was, you know, a pretty serious accident.

I got hit by a bee truck. And, and, so I'm sitting in the car and the rescue crew shows up and I'm looking up at them and they go, Roy? You're gonna be okay. We're gonna get you out of there. And I said, My name is not Roy.

Which seemed to convince him that I had a head injury in addition to whatever else was going on. And they said, Roy, in a few minutes, we're gonna give you a shot. We just gonna figure out how to get you out of the car and and and we're gonna be okay. And I I said, my name is not Roy. And why don't you take your jaws of life and cut the front of the door off and peel it back that way?

And they stopped them shortly. They looked at me and they said, good idea, Roy. So whenever I need a good bust and my sponsor comes up with I think I come up with something clever. My sponsor just tells me, good idea, Roy. And I just sort of muddled through, you know.

I just sort of muddled through Alcoholics Anonymous and I and and to the best of my ability well, it's not sometimes not to the best of my ability. Sometimes I just show up, you know. Sometimes there's those days where all I have is the fact that maybe I'm sober and nothing else is going right. And I know it, and why does this always happen to me? My first my first year sobriety, I moved in with some guys and I was just you want my 1 year day.

And I'm driving to work, and I get pulled over for speeding, and I'm thinking, you know what? Why is this worth it? Because I'm a year sober, and I'm thinking all this stuff while the cops pulling me over. You know? I am a year sober, and he's pulling me over, and I have done all this stuff for Alcoholics Anonymous.

God damn it, I tried to be good. You know, and, and, you know what? Life still happens. Life still happens. The I just gotta get over myself a little bit.

I gotta get out of the way enough, and that's the amazing thing that seems to happen when I'm able to focus, follow what you do, I should add you, and and focus, on what it is that you need. And my life seems to get better, and I and I and I don't learn that. I don't just intuitively know that. I learn that from painful experience. When I get into enough pain and and, and and begin to have some experience that I can turn my attention outside of me a little while and my life seems to improve.

My problems seem to, you know, get a little smaller, a little further behind me. And, and I don't know why it works that way. I don't get it. I don't understand why I give in. I surrender in Alcoholics Anonymous, and and all of a sudden, things go better, you know.

It it seemed to me that it shouldn't work, but it, but but it still does. And, so the things I do today in AA are still the same things that that that got me sober in the first place, you know, and and allow me to stay here. So, you know, I've I've, struggled through a lot of showed up grudgingly a lot of times, and I've struggled through with a lot of things that I knew I was supposed to do in Alcoholics Anonymous, and I and I get uptight and into self, and I have no ability to see it by myself, that's why I still have a sponsor. And and, and I placed myself you know, I make decisions based on self, which placed me in a position to be hurt, and then I gotta work the steps on them. And and, it happened this week.

And, and and but over the course of time, what's happened is, like I said earlier, Alcoholics Anonymous has allowed me to feel, like I'm I can be okay. Like, sometimes I'm in the right place at the right time. I can be comfortable, and and I don't have to take a drink to be okay, you know. And that's all I wanted when I got here. However, some of the things that have happened since I've been here, have been truly amazing.

You know, there, there are people out there who don't react to alcohol the way I do, and they live their lives, and they have jobs, and they have with their families, and they seem to do things for other people just because they get it, you know. And I that frustrates me because I'm here to save my butt. You know what I'm saying? And, and they just seem to get it. And, and and I and I don't.

So what you know, maybe the things that have happened in my life aren't extraordinary to those people. But keep in mind, I'm the same guy who got fired from, my fast food chicken job and didn't have a place to live and was peddling across town on my borrowed bike. And, and and so, about 3 years sober, anyway, I, I remember having to talk to my sponsor and I said, Jeff, nobody's ever gonna love me. I'm never gonna find anybody. And I was watching these people around me, and they started relationships, and they seemed to be doing well, and having fun, and I, you know, I can be happy and jealous of them at the same time.

It seems like and and, and and he said, why do you think that, Jim? And I said, well, I got a glass eye. I'm 32. I smoke 2 packs a day. I'm alcoholic.

And, and he just sorta chuckled, you know. You guys are chuckling now. I don't I still don't get it. Because it I feel bad just thinking about it. And, and it's really ironic because, you know, I met a girl, and, and that's pretty much how she told her parents about me too.

So you, can only imagine the paleness that must come over a father's face when when her 20 year old daughter is dating a 32 year old alcoholic with a glass eye. And, Yeah. Yeah. And, and, I had an opportunity to take a job in Jamestown, so I moved here. And and it's given me, the ability to travel all over and see meetings all over the country and, and, do a lot of cool things.

I got to visit the general service office in New York and and, go to Akron, with my sponsor and one of my sponsor brothers and and and see where it all started. What a what a thrill. Who would have ever thought, I wouldn't have, you know, that this stuff could happen in my life. Ever. Ever.

You know, and, and and yet, things can things continue to happen like that. And, and so I've I asked that girl to marry me, and we got married and a and a little it's been an amazing year, I gotta tell you. A little over a year ago, we're gonna have a baby. And I've been trying to get to the Halloween party in Jamestown for years. You know, my work took me away from there.

And and on the eve of the Halloween party, she went to labor, you know, and she's, like, 6 weeks early. So campers got me beat. Where's he at? Nice job, Kemp. Yeah.

He's got 11 week early. So yeah. Always gotta outdo me. No. I'm just kidding.

Anyway, so this baby is coming, like, 6 weeks early. And we're new parents. We don't know what we don't know what's going on. And I'm at the hospital and, you know, she's doing what pregnant women do. We're gonna have babies and I'm freaking out and running in the hall, you know.

She's bleeding here. You know? And, my world literally, at times like that, my world just I can see it crumbling around me, you know. I know it's gonna come down, and I know, things are gonna work out. And I feel sorry for myself, and I think, god, if this is really what you want for me, I'll okay.

You know? And, the first call I made was to my sponsor. And, and my sponsor told me, Jim, this isn't about you. This is about your family. And, and if you go and and be there for them and act as though you have dignity and grace, you will have dignity and grace.

And, and, we went, we had that baby in Fargo, and, and he was in the ICU for about 2 weeks. And, and, November 1st, we celebrated his 1 year birthday. And, and so and then, I should I I gotta add, my my dad passed away in April. And, and, he was going in for a surgery heart surgery, which, I mean, it's supposed to be fairly routine, but, I mean, a high risk surgery, obviously. But it was supposed to be fairly routine these days, and he didn't make it off the operating table.

And, I I don't know if I it's not really AA related. I suppose it is. But the anesthetist was sharing with us, the family after, the surgery, and and, he kinda picked this moment, though. It's kinda classic. My dad kinda picked this moment because, she's they were just getting done with the surgery, and she said, do you have any pain?

And my dad said, well, I got a little pain, in my back, but it's okay. I'm sitting by a pond on a stump, and there's no wind here. And, she said, well, that's fine, but you gotta come back to me. And he said, no, I don't think I will. And, and so he got to pick his moment, there.

And, no wind, so we knew it wasn't North Dakota. I can tell you that. You know, at the, you know you're in Alcoholics Anonymous when stuff like this happens. I was at at at our wedding dance, and and this guy gets arrested. These guys from Fargo bring this new guy over, and and we're at the wedding dance downtown here in Jamestown.

This guy gets arrested, and, just beautiful. It's beautiful. And, you know, and then we go to my dad's funeral, and, and the the guys the people from Alcoholics Anonymous are there. The first again, I wanna mention the first call I made was to my sponsor. And he told me to be of service to my family, and I was able to be there for him.

And, and I was in jail when my when my dad or when my grandpa died. And, and, I was drunk when my brother died of alcoholism. And, and I was in no way there for those people, And, and I was able to be there. And, so we go to the funeral, and at the end, they said the the lord's prayer. You know what happens.

I mean, keep coming back. You get that. It's beautiful. Who said it will remain anonymous, but I will tell you, b Miller was the only one not wearing a tie either. So, And, and last Wednesday night when, when we found out that my wife and I are gonna have another baby, the first call I made was, yeah, well, I didn't have much to do with it.

I promise. I just kidding. Good one, Roy. Yeah. The first call I made was to my sponsor, and and, and that's what you people have taught me.

You taught me that I can go through this life and come with me, I can be okay and be sober. And with that, I would be overpaid. I I I promise you. At any rate, I guess, you know, being in a room, where so many people have had such a big impact on my life, is is forgive me, it makes me a little emotional. It was Jamestown here where I went to my first conference, when I sobered up finally.

And, and Mike and Kenny were there, and I still kinda resent you guys because, you attacked me. I mean, there's these guys coming in, they're a couple of years sober, and they're just lit up on fire. And they see me and boom. They make a beeline, and they sat down at the table, and they're going back and forth. Oh, you gotta get a sponsor.

How are you doing with the sponsor? You work the steps, you know, but keep coming back. It works. Better they just traded, you know, back and forth. And I'm thinking, oh, my this is all my life is gonna be.

And and, and in spite of myself, it's turned out to be more than I could have ever imagined. I'm just I'm really grateful to be here with you, this morning, and, thanks for your attention. And, this is gonna be a phenomenal weekend. I promise. The speakers, the entertainment tonight, damn.

Yeah. Tell a friend, thank you for my sobriety. I love you. God bless.