Hector E. from Los Angeles, CA answering questions on steps 1, 2 and 3 at the Road to Recovery convention in Reykjavik, Iceland

Hello, Hector, alcoholic. Depression. I e example, recently, someone told me or such an experience in an Icelandic newspaper. I would try to strip in the newspaper now. No.

I don't know. I I talk about my experience, and I talk what I've done with this. I was very depressed, a lot of time, you know, and when I was drinking. I think as a matter of fact, I had a PhD in depression, you know, and depression in my case came from thinking too much about myself. And the first the best antidote against depression is to get involved with somebody else.

You know, that's what we do 12 step, you know, work. Now there are some people who'd be manic depressive, and I'm not a doctor. I'm not gonna go there. Like, there's a great thing going on about who should take pills and who should not take pills. We have a very wonderful pamphlet about, you know, problems other than alcohol.

But this is what I tell you when somebody's taking pills. And if somebody's getting manic depressive, gets taking 2 or 3 pills, I probably will not work with him because I don't know what to do with that. I don't have, you know, the capability that but I've done this with some people, with 2 people. Somebody is sponsoring in in Argentina, Patricia, Pat. She was taking pills, she told me.

I said, Patricia, I cannot ask you not to take pills. I'm not not a doctor. I'm not equipped to do that. But I tell you what you do. You talk to a shrink, you know, that you go to see, and so I'm gonna start working the steps, you know, and see if that works, you know, and maybe he can reduce the dose.

He can do it. Can't. Within 3 months, she stopped taking the pills. You see, it was really a crutch. Is that a word, crutch?

Yes. You know, she didn't really need them, but that's the easiest solution. Why don't you try the steps first? And now she hasn't taken pill for 5 years. But, you know, had to be very careful with that.

And there are some I I remember this guy from Beshuva, a a Jewish recovery house, and I started working with this guy. And, he was taking 9 different pills. And I started working with him, but he was not present. You know what I mean? When I would talk to him, and I don't know what to do about that.

I don't have any experience with that. I also work with a doctor, a very successful doctor in Beverly Hills, and he was talking taking that thing that was just so famous now. What is it called? Something. And he was a doctor.

Okay? It was this and he was taking a 100 milligrams of this. And I said, listen. I cannot ask you not to do this. But once you talk to your doctor, he was seeing a doctor.

He was a doctor, very well-to-do doctor in Beverly Hills, and see what we can do with this. This is what I want you to do. Talk to him and see he can reduce it. If he can't, that's okay. And he talked to the guy and said, I want you to start walking half an hour every morning.

Walking to say hi. You know what I mean? If he can run, it's even better. The endorphins just like a natural drug, you know. And he began doing that, and he went from a 100 milligrams a day in 3 or 4 months to 25 milligrams.

And then one day, he called me, said, I didn't feel too good today. I am I started taking a 100 again. I don't think so. I'm not saying you should not take the 100, but you cannot make that decision yourself. You either talk to your psychiatrist or let me know before you do it.

See, I'm not your his I am not your historian. I'm your sponsor. You don't come and tell me after you've done the thing. Tell me before. I'm not gonna say don't take it, but at least give me the chance, you know, to talk to me.

Before I do anything major, I always talk to my sponsor. So we stopped, you know, I stopped working with him because he was not willing. If you're gonna make a decision to start taking 70 5 milligrams more of such and such without talking to your sponsor, we are talking to your doctor, I cannot work with you. Guess what? He stopped going to AA because he found the 2 depressant, but now he's off all pills.

You know? He did it in a different way. So we have to be very careful when it comes to pills. I have to remember I'm not a doctor. And when I say to you, let's try the steps and talk to your doctors.

See if maybe he can get you off. If he can't, he can't. You know? So it's very, very important. And read the pamphlet, problems other than alcohol.

He says, does god have a place or play what does he say here? Let me see. Does god have a plan? Oh, plan. Oh, he does for sure.

Does god have a plan? Yes. And god's will for you is always the same, to be happy, joyous, and free. That's God's will for, you know, for you to be happy. You know?

And it's not in relation to where you are in life. Disregard them to your physical condition. You don't have to have the right girlfriend, the right boyfriend, the right car, the right house, or anything. You can be happy, joyous, and free right now. You see?

And that's God's plan for you. And then what I have to remember is the God's plan, besides that, the God loves me, disregard in what I do because the quality of god doesn't change. It's always love because the god doesn't love, doesn't know anything else. He only see the beauty that he created. I can go and kill 5 people or I can go and save 5 people.

God God loves me because the quality of God doesn't change. Because if you change, when you come through that door and you did all the garbage that you did and I did, is God gonna stop loving me for all the garbage I did when I was drinking? You see? He keeps loving you because he knows the love is the only healing power. You know?

And by the way, the only love that heals me is the love I give you. It's wonderful that you love me, but it's infinitely much more important that I love you. I don't know if you're loving me right now, but I'm loving you right now, you know. That's why the big book says when everything else fails, it doesn't say go out and buy another cashmere sweater, does it? Go and find an alcoholic to help, to love, to care for, so I forget about Hector.

I'm bored with Hector. Okay, here. When you do the steps again, do you go back to the 1, 2, and 3 step or straight to 4th? No. No.

No. You don't go to straight to 4th. You go to the steps 1 to 12. Some people do 12. 12.

It's called the double step. You know what I mean? Now we got they are in, you know, they are in a sequel for a reason, but you don't have to do Some people know the 12 step once a year every year. You know, I don't believe in that. I believe that we have a spiritual tool, a step 10.

You know, when we were wrong, promptly admitted it. You see? Once you do the 4th, you know, if you remember something, you do step 10 and you go and share with your sponsor, You know? And and it's a wonderful thing, but, no, you cannot go to 4th again. You cannot do you have to do 1, 2, and 3, and then go to 4th.

You see? And, also, when I do 10, before I go and and make my amends, I do 6 and 7. You see? I asked you, once I found what I did wrong, because remember, the the steps I own is to work on Hector, not to work on you. You know?

Remember, you know, as a a a a politician thinks he can change an entire country. A spiritual woman, a spiritual woman or man only knows I can change myself, and I cannot change myself. God does does it. God could and would. He doesn't said Hector could and would.

You see, my solution is always God. Always God. Give me another one. We'll do 2 or 3 more and that's it. Steve is on.

That's a good question. Is it enough to have a higher power, or is it easier to go into organized religion? You can do both, you know. I'm studying, you know, in another in a church, the spiritual things. Oh, this is very important.

Oh, this is very important. Pay attention. This number 1. If I have to stop going to church, I stop going to church. But I'm gonna stop going to AA meetings.

Because if I stop going to meetings and I drink, I'll never go to church. I go to the bar. Then the bar becomes my church. But the book says, go to the religion of your choice to further your spiritual studies, and that's what I've done. So you can come here, the person who has it.

Is it enough to have a higher power or is it easier to go to it? You know? I I think you can have both. You know? Remember, we copy this principle from somebody else who did it many years ago, so this is nothing new.

So for me, it was easier, and I used to be an altar boy, you know, and I took many religious classes before. To me, they think they really focused it. They got me in touch with my higher power was AA. And then after I had AA, I went to church. Always remembering AA number 1.

Okay? Well, wonderful. Both questions. How do we pray in the right way to God? How do I stop thinking in a negative way?

I think I spoke about that already, but how do I pray Pray only for God's will and the power to carry that out. Why does it say that? Because if I pray with a purpose in mind, God give me a new car. I'm telling God what to do. What is prayer?

Prayer is an alignment with the will of God. It's deal making. You begging. It's not a deal making, you know. It's not a manipulating of God.

Remember, when we pray, we don't change anything about God. Something changes in us, so pray only for God's will and the power to carry it. You see, I thought having all the things that I wanted to have, and I got them. I got the Mercedes. I got the house and it closed, and I ended up dead for 3 days in intensive care unit.

So obviously, I don't know what's good for me. And how do you stop thinking in a negative way? I think I talked about that. The book says, you know, this the certain thoughts you might be constantly going in my mind. Thy will be done, not mine.

If you wanna think something else, I remember I talked about the the golden key by Emma Fox. You know, whatever you think God is. Love, when you have that negative thought, God is love or God is peace. I have to make a conscious contact with God. I have to make it.

God knows where I am. Okay. This is the last one, and we got Steve to get here and then talk to us. Some say we should not sponsor the opposite sex. What does that book say?

I don't think the book I I think it is some of the pamphlets talk about that. I don't, some people are totally opposed to that, and some people, sponsor both sexes. The person you're gonna sponsor, don't. That's very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very person you're gonna sponsor, don't. That's very, very unkind, you know, and then things get mixed up.

It doesn't make any difference whether you're gay or straight, doesn't make any difference. If you're attracted to a person who's asking you to sponsor, please please don't don't do it. Because sometimes think it's not good for the the newcomer. No. It's also not good for you because the newcomer is nuts.

You know, if you get involved with her or him, you're gonna drink. It happened to a friend of mine, Alan. Yeah. 20 90 sobriety. He got involved with this girl, and she became her his higher power, and she left him.

She left him, and he lost his higher power. And he began seeing a shrink instead of going to meetings, and he began smoking pot. And he's not gonna go back to a meeting. So I'm a newcomer after having 20 9 years. And guess what he did?

He got a hose to the exhaust in the car, put it inside the car, and killed himself. So if you have some attraction, whoever you're gonna sponsor, don't do it. It's a very unkind thing. It's a very it's not a spiritual thing to do. You know?

It's just, I will not do it. I really love you, and I'm so glad you gave me a chance to talk to you. God bless you. Thank you.