Scott L. from Nashville, TN speaking in Daytona Beach, FL

Good afternoon. My name is Scott, and I'm an alcoholic. Is this thing working? No. It's gone.

No? Okay. Uh-oh. I can't do that. Pull it up.

Did I do it? K. We do it that time. Okay. Brace yourselves.

Here it comes. I know that your local customer give you sobriety date. Mine's June 28th 1984. Close. And, my home group is the backroom group in Nashville, Tennessee.

And, they're a great bunch of people. I have a very important announcement and that's that we need, to sell some more barbecue tickets if you don't have one. John's got them there in the back. We're gonna take a break here in about an hour, and I'm sure he'd be more than happy to, to acquaint you closely with 1 at that time. I'd like to open the meeting as I usually do by quoting Lois Wilson, cofounder of Al Anon, Bill's wife, who was asked one time what did she do in the moment of silence before the meeting, and she said, I invite God to the meeting.

That was powerful for me. And I started doing that, and meetings got better everywhere. And so what I'm gonna do here in a few minutes is I'm gonna ask for another moment of silence and do something I've already done, and that's invite God to, to join us and fill this room with love and to bless me with an open heart that that he might share through it at the worst case that I might share through it. We talk in our fellowship about the language of the heart and for me, learning to lay down the language of the gutter and to pick up the language of the heart has been part of my recovery. It's incomplete but I can report progress.

And, what I'd like to ask you to do is to invite God to join us and bless you with an open heart that you might hear through it. And later on, when we get to sharing from the microphone that that that you would share through it also. And in case there's someone here who doesn't have a god, borrow mine for this time that we're together. I think you'll like him a lot. Or if you got one that you're afraid of, try and let's see it.

Just do for an experiment and we'll see what happens. So let's take a moment and invite God to join us and fill this room with love and I'll meet you back here. Amen. And thank you. Thank you very much.

Anybody here sober less than 60 days? Come on. Great. Great. We are so glad you're here.

Thanks for coming. I I hope we're gonna have some fun. A lot of what I do in this is, I think it's kinda funny. I hope you do. I wanna tell you that I do not consider myself an expert on the, 4 step.

I am a 4 step junkie, but I am not a 4 step expert. And, I love your your slogan, your theme. It's in the book because that's what we're gonna talk about. It's in the book. I'm gonna talk very briefly about the first and second steps, a little bit more in-depth about the 3rd step and most of my presentation is gonna be on the 4th step.

We will be taking a break to give you an idea. Because the 4th step is, by the way, the easiest I think of all of the steps. It is, maybe the longest. And if you don't think so, stick around and, and we'll talk about it here a little bit later. I I think you're gonna find that it's fun.

I'm gonna start by doing a little bit of, a book study. Do a little bit of reading here so that we can establish, some definitions, I think, before we get started. And I'm gonna start, on page 59 with what my sponsor said was the definition of the program. He said, here are the steps we took which are suggested as a program of recovery. So there was the definition of the program.

I hear the word thrown around a lot And there's the definition for it. And a matter of fact, on page roman numeral, 22, I find a phrase that that even enlightens that a little bit. And it says the 12 steps that summarize the program. So what that means to me is that the 12 steps that we see in the wall in a lot of places or that we see on pages 5960 are a summary. They are the cliff notes if you will.

And I had too much wagered on this to try to slide by on an outline. I needed the full shot. At least my sponsor said I did. And consequently, I went for the whole thing. So what we're gonna talk about is is the the work out of this book.

I'd also like to read what looks to me like the definition of sponsorship on page 96 in the text. This is in the, chapter working with others. And they've been talking for a few pages about a 12 step call where someone's gone out to to, a newcomer who was willing to talk to him. They shared a little bit of their story. They've heard some of his.

They laughed a little. They cried a little. Left in one of the books and said, read this in the meantime and we'll talk again. Am I doing that? Shame on you.

Okay. So for me, here is the definition of sponsorship in, in 2 sentences. The the warm up sentence sentence is suppose you are now making your 2nd visit to a man. So we describe the first one. And then here's the definition I think of someone who's sponsorable.

Says he has read this volume and says he is prepared to go through with the 12 steps of the program of recovery. So that looks to me like the definition of someone who's sponsorable. And then the following sentence to me defines sponsor. It says, having had the experience yourself you can give him much practical advice. What experience?

The experience of working the 12 steps. What advice? Advice on how to work the 12 steps. Now I use the word work the 12 steps, take the 12 steps, do the 12 steps. I use those interchangeably.

I don't care. To me it's an action verb. It it doesn't have to do with what goes on in the mind and I'd like to quote page 20 and then I'm gonna get into the work here. This is from page 20 of the text. If you are an alcoholic who wants to get over it, you may already be asking what do I have to do.

It is the purpose of this book to answer such questions specifically. We shall tell you what we have done. I wanna note what it does not say. It does not say, what do I have to learn? We'll teach you what we know.

It doesn't say, what do I have to believe? We will give you a new religion. It does not say what do I have to understand, we will teach you how to interpret. We'll teach you what it says is what do I have to do, we shall tell you what we have done. I'm going to share with you today what I have done and what apparently some other people who are have some continuous sobriety have done also.

I'd like to note that the first time I saw the 12 steps of the summary form that we're talking about on a wall, they looked to me like they had been written by a hanging judge who was having a rather bad day. They really, the first time you see the steps, for those of you who don't they look like they're designed to punish you, to make you pay the price for being the rotten person you are? I mean, that's what I thought. That's what it looked like. I was wrong about so many things, and that was just one of them.

That the steps were actually designed to help me lay down my burden, and I wouldn't have believed that until I did them. And now I'm certain that that's what it is. I told my sponsor that I didn't want to do the steps and he said, that's okay. And I said, good. And he said, long as you do them.

And I said, Jerry, I don't think we're communicating. And he said, sure we are. That's the definition of willingness. Willingness is when I do what I'm supposed to whether I feel like it or not. See, I didn't know I could do something I didn't feel like because it had been a couple decades since I'd done something I didn't feel like.

So here was a definition I could work with. And I wanted to feel like he looked, and he told me the way he got it was by doing this work. And, he said our program, by which he meant the 12 steps expanded for him, the book, is kinda like going to the dentist. We got a drill before we can fill. We got to reach inside you and dig this poison out before we can start packing you full of good stuff.

Because if we just pack the good stuff on top, what's inside is gonna continue to rot and eventually it's gonna detonate. So we're gonna have to get it out. But staying with the dentist metaphor, he says we got I got good news. The good news is we got Novocaine. We call it sponsorship.

We call it love. We call it home group. We call it meetings. And he was right. And so I allowed him to coach me through the 12 steps and changed my life.

So I needed to change I needed to be changed. I didn't have the power to change me. But what I had the power to do was to change my actions on one day, this one. And that was all. And when I applied that principle to this work, I found it to be fairly easy.

Because you see, people told me all my life that I learned from my that we learned from our mistakes. I never did. I never learned a thing from my mistakes. What I learned from was living with the results of my mistakes. I'm like the dog that wets on the rug.

What has he learned? Nothing. When did he start learning? When his nose got rubbed in it. I'm the same way.

And with steps 4 through 10, what I do is I embrace my results. I insist upon rubbing my own nose in my mistakes. And consequently, I learn not to make the same ones again. Because when I'm about to make the same mistake the second time, I don't remember, hey, that's a mistake. I remember what it was like rubbing my own nose in it last time.

That's what I remember. And and that moves me on, I I like to say and I'm not perfect, but but living what's in this book, today I am still making mistakes, but but I'm making a much finer quality mistake than I ever made before. We have a name for that. Right? We call it progress.

You bet. Sure. And the amends are not nearly significant. I hate amends worse than communism. Don't you?

I mean, gee, I hate doing that. So consequently, I try not to to make the same ones again anyway. I had the privilege a number of years ago of getting together with a number of men, and we went through the big book, not as a book study, but as a big book workshop. We decided we wanted what the first hundred people Bill wrote it. They edited it.

What they had, we wanted. And consequently, as we came through the book, if we came to something they said that they had done or had seen or had observed, then we stopped and did it or saw it or observed it. So we came through the book and we did the book rather than trying to study the book. I I guess you hear what I'm saying. And we call that little outfit the Bill Wilson Literary Society.

And, we had a lot of fun with it. It took us about a year and a half and, we discovered a lot of of what I'm gonna try to show you here today. The, I heard this in a meeting one time and the girl who said it was not trying to get a laugh. I am, I'll admit. But I think it it described for me the first step so beautifully.

She said, I'm having trouble getting a grip on letting go. And I've had that trouble. So I'm gonna start with the first couple of steps. I'm gonna begin on page 59 with, reading of the summary of the first step. It says, we admitted we were powerless of our alcohol that our lives had become unmanageable.

I thought the word therefore appeared in the first step for a couple of years, and it's not there. That hyphen is English punctuation. And if you look it up in a dictionary, it'll tell you that in that a hyphen connects 2 unrelated thoughts. And the reason I was confused was because the fact that I was powerless over alcohol, the fact that my life was a disaster, those two facts were related the the first day I was sober. Today, a little over 15 years sober, the fact that I'm powerless over alcohol and that my life is unmanageable are not related.

They're not related. My my life remains unmanageable. I can't find any place past page 59, and I have read this, that says, having achieved this level, your life is now manageable. Tanks, roll keys are in it. Have a great time.

I can't find it. I do find some places that promise man that promise sanity. So my life, I believe, based on that, continues to be unmanageable by me. That's why I need a God. That's why I need a program.

That's why I need a sponsor. That's why I need a home group. It's because when I'm in the driver's seat, things don't work out. So unmanageability for me remains. It's what I'm gonna talk to you about today is the way I talk to the men I sponsor.

And I hope I don't sound like I think I'm an authority because I don't. All I the only way I know to present this is the way that I presented it to them, so that's why I'm presenting it to you. I'm gonna start on page 60 with the ABCs. A, that we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives. And I asked a new man, is that true?

Is that true of you? Tell me about it. And I asked him to to explain that. And then when he's finished I say, and be that no human power probably no human power relieved your alcoholism. Is that true?

Who tried? You tried, your mother tried, your wife tried, the judge tried, your cellmate tried. Who tried? We talk about that. That God could and would if he were sought.

Interestingly enough, it doesn't say found. Says sought. It is in the action. Item 1, God is not lost. Right?

So he doesn't have to be found. And it is in the seeking. And that's the end of what we read from the chapter how it works in most meetings. Interestingly enough, the next phrase says, being convinced we were at step 3. Being convinced to what?

A, b, and c. That I'm alcoholic and can't manage my own life. No human power can relieve my alcoholism and God can and will if I will merely seek him. And being convinced of that, I am at step 3. What I'm gonna say may go against a lot of what you believe.

That's great. I'd love to talk about it later if if we have a disagreement. It's a chance for me to learn something. But it looks to me like the 3rd step is about 6 or 7 parts and I'm gonna talk about those. And I wanna reemphasize.

When I talk about the step, I don't mean the one on the wall. I mean the one in the book. So being convinced, we were at step 3, which is that we decided to turn our well in life over to God as we understood him. Interestingly enough, the 3rd step is not where we turn our will in life over to the care of God. It's where we decide to.

If I could actually turn my will in life over to the care of God at the 3rd step, looks to me like we'd probably have a 3 step program. And what could be left after that? I can't think of anything. And so the question becomes, how do you do that? Well, it says, we decided to and I'll tell I'll tell my story tomorrow morning and you'll hear just a little bit little bit broader.

But the difference between an intention and a decision, an intention is followed by more intentions. We all know about that. Right? A decision is followed by action. And it looks to me like the prescribed action to accomplish the decision that's called for in the outline of the 3rd step.

That the prescribed action is numbered 4 through 12. And I would point at the first line of the 12 step. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps. Doesn't say a, which I hear read a lot in meetings, it says d. We promised that.

We promised that if you will do these things, not believing that they'll work for you, it'll be just fine. If you'll just do them. See the steps don't know who's working them. They don't care. That you will have this spiritual awakening.

My spirit awakens to the presence of the real me, not the act I've been all my life. And the real God, not the one that was keeping score and that was mad at me. And that's that's that spiritual awakening. So, in the next paragraph, it says the first requirement is that we'd be convinced that any life run on self will can hardly be a success. I asked a man, are you convinced of that?

How did your life work with you running it on your self will? And, we can explore that if we need to. I I think most of you got it. The lady here got it. I'll tell you right now.

It didn't work out that well, did it ma'am? No. Uh-huh. Or we probably wouldn't have met this way, would we? No.

Uh-huh. And then there's something else that for me is very powerful in this next sentence. Says, on that basis, that's the basis of self well running my life. We're almost always in collision. Collision, that's a great word.

Collision with something or somebody even though our motives are good. I hear around the fellowship check your motives. I think the book just told me that even if my motives are good, I'm gonna be in collision with people. Maybe it's the principles that I need to check instead of my motives. Because sometimes when my motives are good, I get into big trouble and I could never could figure that out.

And I think it's because I would violate principles with good motives. If I hang with good principles, I stay in pretty good shape. It's pretty obvious. I'm skipping quite a bit of material, but, in in I love this on page 61. Is he not a victim of the delusion that he can rest satisfaction and happiness out of this world if he only manages well?

I continue on occasion to become a victim of the delusion that if I can manage well, I'll be happy. That if I can get what I want, it'll make me happy. That's a delusion. I got what I wanted lots of times. It never made me happy.

Getting what I wanted gives me a hunger for more, better, and different. Getting what I want only gives me an appetite. That there's never enough. There isn't enough out there. And this God sized hole, God sized and shaped hole in me can only be filled that way, is with God.

So if I wanna be happy, what I have to have is a healthy relationship with God, which for me is kinda what these directions are about. I gotta have a healthy relationship with you. Gotta be a healthy relationship with God. Page 62. Selfishness, self centeredness that we think is the root of our troubles.

That is the absolute best news in the book. Here in the next paragraph, it says it says on the next paragraph, so our troubles we think are basically of our own making. Isn't that fantastic? I mean, because if it really is, the cops in the courts, and the Russians, and the Chinese, and the pro officers, and the PTA, and the ex wife, it really is all of them. I'm beat.

Because there's nothing I can do about them. And I think the best news I got my whole life is that I'm the problem. Because that we can work on. That we can work on. And this is where we do that.

It says above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness and we're gonna attack that. And there is often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without his aid, capital h on his his aid. And further down that paragraph it says, we had to have God's help. So we've discovered so far is one piece of the third step. I've read some other things, but it said the first requirement that we'd be convinced that any life running self will can hardly be a success at the bottom of page 60.

Here's the bottom of page 62. This is the how and why of it. First of all, we had quit playing God. So we have 2 first. Now, I wouldn't change that for anything.

That's our deal. So we had to quit playing God. And, a man whose program I respect dramatically talked to me last summer a little bit about what that meant to him. Here's some of the ways that some of us have played God. One is I try to manage my own life.

A second one is I try to manage all of the lives around me. Another very interesting one that's pretty common is being angry at God when somebody dies, or how they die. Because what I'm doing when I do that is I am actually playing God. I'm deciding who should die and how. And that is clearly not my job.

And another one I think is very very clear, is that I have a resentment. It's only one way to get one. Only one way to get a resentment. I must judge someone, find them guilty, be angry with them and then feel that anger again. That's what a resentment is.

So those are ways that I I play God. So it says said, first of all, we had to quit playing God. So I asked a new guy, are you wanting to quit playing God? Have you done these things? Are you willing to stop?

I'm not asking if you're able. Are you willing? They say, yeah. It didn't work. How about that?

We're asking they're asking me to stop doing something that isn't working. Thank you. It says, next, we decided that hereafter in this drama of life, God was going to be our director. He is the principal. We are his agents.

He is the father. We are his children. So there's the decision that the third step references. Is the decision that, that God's gonna be the director and the principal, and that that I'm the child and I'm the agent. And I ask I ask a new man, I wanna hear your decision.

Tell me. If you need to read that in the 1st person singular read it, but I wanna hear your decision. We're gonna make this decision. I wanna hear it. And I said, you can change it anytime you want to.

Just call me up. We'll sit down and, and you can formally change that decision. But up until then, I will have to assume that that decision stands. My 3rd step decision stands. Some days, I implement it better than better than other days.

But my decision stands. I don't have to take the 3rd step every day, although I use the prayer frequently. But for me, the prayer is all of these parts that we're looking at here. And it says, most good ideas are simple and this concept was the keystone to the new and triumphant arts through which we pass to freedom, and I need to be free. Oh, how desperately I needed to be free.

And then the paragraph at the top of page 63, I'm sure most of you are familiar with are the, 3rd step promises. And I don't believe I'm gonna read those right now. And then it says, we were now at step 3. And and it it gives a prayer and says, God, I offer myself to thee to build with me and do with me as thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do thy will.

Take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of thy power, thy love and thy way of life. May I do thy will always. There's no amen. And I asked the man to read that silently. Because the next sentence says, we thought well before taking this step.

Making sure we were ready that we could at last abandon ourselves utterly to him. And I recommended that if you have not done this that you think well because I'm gonna tell you something. You do this, your life is gonna change. I promise it. And some of the things that you would dearly love to have and keep are going away.

And some of what you wouldn't like to have is going to show up. Nigga I mean, if you ask me what I want, if I were to really tell you the truth, you know what I want? I wanna take the rest of my life off with pay. Right? I don't want any more lessons.

Right? I don't wanna be changed anymore. I want it all I want you guys to all please shape up and then I'll be just fine. That's what I want. Yeah.

Uh-oh, caught another one. Guilty. And, I think it's important to think well because this is important stuff. This is to me an invitation. In some measure, I believe I'm about to say not fully, but that my God's a gentleman.

Doesn't go where he's not invited. Doesn't stay where he's not made welcome. And this is a formal invitation of God into your life to build with and do with as he will. And sometimes before we can build on a foundation, we've got to tear down a structure that's already not working. And I've seen that a lot.

Don't take this lightly. This is not light duty stuff. Not at all. And when someone says they are ready, we kneel down and I ask them to say the prayer. And I usually cry.

I'm a crier. And, frequently they do. And, it says at the bottom of the next paragraph, this was only a beginning though if honestly and humbly made an effect, sometimes a very great one was felt at once and I have seen that. I've seen I've seen huge experiences happen at the 3rd step prayer. I've seen others where it didn't seem like much happened and, that doesn't matter.

That doesn't matter. What matters is action. So I hear raging around our fellowship the question of, well, when should I take a 4 step? And some people say, don't take a 4 step too soon you may drink. In 15 years, I have not yet seen anyone take a 4 step too soon and drink.

I have seen several barge loads wait too late. I have yet to see anyone take it too soon because the steps are designed to give me relief and the relief begins at the 4th step and that's what we're gonna discover is what kind of relief it it is and how it comes. The book is not please, I hope you think this is funny. I do. The book is not specific about when to take a 4 step.

Some people say take one step. I think that's insane. Some people say don't make any major decisions your 1st year. We have just asked you to decide to turn your will in life over to the care of God. Does that sound like a major decision to anyone here?

Maybe we need to be careful with these little things, little pearls that aren't in the book. I don't know. It's just a thought. So the question I I usually have the my, my victim, my, guy I'm sponsoring. Read.

Yeah. Little truth there. And I say, the book actually makes 2 time references about one to make a to do a 4 step. And then there are 2 different time references. And I figured when it gives that kinda leeway, we could use either of those 2 or anything in between.

Certainly seems fair to me. Doesn't it seem fair to you? I said, well, yeah. That's fair. I said, well, you go ahead and read and I'll interrupt.

And they read next. I said, woah. There's one. So so the first sentence or the first word in the next paragraph says, next we launched out on a course vigorous action. The first step of which is a personal house cleaning which many of us had never attempted.

Now our decision, right, we talked about the decision, was a vital. Vital comes from the the Latin word, meaning life. That means your life is wagered on it. Was a vital and crucial step that could have little permanent effect unless it wants whoops. At once, there's a time reference.

So after you've done your 3rd step prayer, you have leeway. You can start your 4 step either next or at once or anywhere in between if I sponsor you. Okay? It gives leeway, we take it. Is it alright.

Does that seem fair? Mhmm. And I think it's really interesting. It says, though our decision was a violent crucial step, it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face and to be rid of the things in ourselves which had been blocking us. Interestingly enough, in the 4th step we are going to be rid.

And I would tell you that is my sincere belief that writing it down will not get rid of it. And that the 4th step is not about writing. And I think that's what we're gonna find in here. That there is writing involved, but it has for me and the men that I have had the experience of working with very little therapeutic effect. But interesting that we're going to face and be rid.

That's so important. I'm gonna say it again in the next paragraph. The things in ourselves which have been blocking us, good news again. It's the things in me that are blocking me and that we can work on. Therefore, we started upon a personal inventory.

This was step 4. A business which takes no regular inventory usually goes broke. Taking a commercial inventory is a fact finding and a fact facing process. It is an effort to discover the truth about the stock and trade. One object is to disclose damaged or unsalable goods to get rid, it says again.

To get rid of them promptly and without regret. We did exactly the same thing with our lives. We took stock honestly. First, we searched out the flaws in our makeup which caused our failure. There's the good news one more time.

Boy, that must be important. Don't you think? They sure are hammering on it. Being convinced itself manifested in various ways was what had defeated us. We considered its common manifestations.

That sentence confuses me and I do better if I leave out what's between the commas. Try it once and see how it works for you. Being convinced itself was what had defeated us, we considered its common manifestations. That's what we're trying to say here. So I'm gonna give you a little overview of what the 4 step in this book looks like to me.

Now I had the experience of doing one of the psychobabble 4 steps that the treatment center had about do you look in the toilet before you flush and you still ate your mother, all that stuff, you know. And that was I got something out of that I need to report. It got me to the 5th step where I did get some relief. But I recommend this 4 step. I mean, the actual real life sure enough one of a kind only 4 step on the planet.

The real one here that we're gonna explore. What I've discovered it to be is a series of lists, observations, and prayers That cover 3 separate parts of self, which is what we've been talking about is the flaws in our makeup. And they are resentment, fear, and sexual misconduct. I do not find a sex inventory in here. I find one that inventories only the dark side.

It doesn't say anywhere that I can find where in the sexual arena did you do the things that you thought were right. That direction is not in here. Taking the 4th step out of this book, several of the major things that I did in my life that were the worst things that I did did not appear on my 4th step. And they were not called for. They were called 4 in 5.

In the 5th step they were called for, but there was no place to write a couple of mine in these directions. So So it's gonna be a series of lists, observations and prayers about resentment, fear and sexual misconduct. And it is not making the list that helps me. I make the list so that I can make the observations. That's that's where the therapeutic effect begins.

And the observations show me how to pray. So that's what the 4th step is about. Most of us and certainly me included who read this the first time when we got to the end of the chapter, closed our eyes, we mentally drew a line under it, we thought we added it all up and we thought the sum said, write the story of your life and be sure to include every rotten thing you ever did. Doesn't say that. So what we're going to do is to look for, the last time I counted, I counted 26 specific directions in this book on how to take a 4 step.

My counts a little bit higher now because I found something else. Somebody I didn't find it. Somebody showed me something else the other day. And taken one at a time in order, this is the easiest of all of the steps. And we're gonna find that starting right now.

So the next sentence begins, resentment is the number one offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else and from it stem all forms spiritual disease. I wanna try that again. Resentment is the number one offender. It destroys.

Destroys? Holy mackerel destroys More alcoholics than anything else? And from it stem all forms of spiritual disease? This must be bad stuff. We must gonna have to get rid of this stuff.

For we have been not only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick. When the spiritual malady, which is another word for sickness, is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically. The word resentment comes from the Latin. The Latin prefix re r e means again like reload. And centile is a verb which means to feel.

So it means literally to feel again. And in English, it means to feel anger again. It's that sickness that that lives inside when I don't let go of something. So now what we're gonna do is to look for directions. It says in dealing with resentments, we set them on paper.

That's a generalization. They're gonna tell us very specifically how to do that. Says we listed people, institutions, or principles with whom we were angry. Calls for a list. Think about the last list you saw.

Chances are it was a grocery list. Chances are it was a series of words and phrases that ran down a page. I do not recall the last list I saw that went across a page. So taking this very literally, which is what I like to do, before we go anywhere else, we need a list. My experience is for those of you who have sponsored and actually helped someone do the work out of this book, if you take them any further than this, they will work across the page.

You can bet your ranch on it. Alright. We're Americans. We work across the page. It's how it is.

So if you want them to work down the page like the book says, then you need to stop right here. And what I suggest now and I again, tongue in cheek, I like to say at this point now, you're probably wondering since we're gonna stop right here what color of paper to write this on with color ink. Was anyone wondering that? No? The book is not specific about that either.

Over here on page 67, it says we placed them before us in black and white. Not specific. Doesn't say black ink, white paper could easily be black paper white ink. And if that's what you need to do, please do. I sponsor a guy who had to do that.

He refused to believe this is gonna work for him. And every time we work together, he said, I don't believe this is gonna work for me. And I said, that's just fine. Let me ask you one question. Do you believe that I believe it'll work for you?

He said, no doubt about it. I said, well, that's good enough. We're gonna do it my way. He said, okay. Can you believe that kind of illogic?

Well, of course, there's a nuke, you know. Anyway, so he went down to the art supply store and he got himself about an inch of black paper and a 3 hole punch and 2 pens that wrote in white ink. And he took it in black and white. Alright. And if you need to do that, please do.

Please do it. For me, the easy way is with a spiral notebook that has white paper in it and a pen that writes black ink. And that's the way I do mine. And I can I've got one at home, an old one at home, why I unintentionally unintentionally picked up a blue writing pen one time. And I wrote less than one letter.

It scared me so bad. Because that's what the book was I mean, because I want what they had. And I don't know and now I don't need to be making judgments as to what's important here and what's not. And what applies to me and what doesn't. My sponsor wanted me to be thorough.

And, so anyway, so what we need here is now we need a list. And I suggest a spiral notebook. And, if you will imagine for a moment that, that I'm hold holding one up here. On on the inside cover of the spiral notebook, you've got a a single page on your right and you've got just a, you know, the inside cover on your left. And I recommend that you write something subtle on that inside page like this is my 4 step.

Please respect it. If I find you with it, I will kill you and hide your body. Something like that. That's what I recommend. And then when you turn the page, those two facing pages you're looking at are 1 page because we're gonna do a 4 column inventory and so it would look like this.

This is the spiral down the middle and you write a one up here. That's gonna be the 1st column. 2, 3, and 4. And you start writing names. Now, the question is how much and how often and all that kind of thing.

I wanna talk a lot about that because I think it's important. There are a 168 hours in a week. If you're working 40 hours a week and it takes you a half hour to drive to work, that's 45 hours including the drive to work. If you sleep 8 hours a night, that's 54. If you go to 7 meetings and you go a little early instead, a little later, if you have a long drive, that's 15 more hours.

If breakfast takes you 15 minutes and lunch takes an hour and dinner takes 45 minutes, that's another 14 hours. If you talk to your sponsor 4 hours a week on the phone, that's reasonable. If it takes you 2 hours to cut the grass. If you have a a little league team and you're fortunate enough to have a family and you have to do some family stuff around the house, like maybe your share of the laundry or do the dishes or maybe take your wife out on a date, that's probably gonna get about another 12. If you help with the grocery shopping and you have to buy some clothes and do some other errands, that's another 2.

If you're doing prayer and meditation and you're serious about it, it's probably costing you about an hour a day. That's 7 more. If you're reading the big book, the 12 and 12 a little bit, the newspaper, maybe you're reading the book for fun. That's probably another 5. If you do a little recreation, maybe swim a little bit, fish, play around to golf, that's another 4.

That's a 164 hours gone out of your 168 hour week. And I don't think these steps are designed to pound me into the pavement. They're not designed to take away from any other section of my life. Now, if you have a different lifestyle, maybe you're working a 40 hour job and you got another 15 hour part timer. Or maybe you're wealthy and you don't work at all.

So I vary these things a little bit. I pray about it and I trust what I get. I trust my God and I've I've learned, the information in the 11th step talks about this intuitively no thing and I just trust it. But typically, I ask a newcomer for 3 30 minute sessions a week. Because if you give yourself the task of completing a 4 step, you must hate yourself until it's done.

This makes it so difficult. You absolutely gotta hate yourself till it's over. If however, I can get a newcomer to agree that I'm an expert on the 4 step which I've already told you I'm not, but compared to him I am. And that he's not. And that if I say 3 30 minute periods a week is enough, it is.

Then he can feel good about himself while he's in the process. In fact, a process. So I think that's important. I have my newcomers phone my answering machine on Sunday afternoons and tell me when they're gonna do their 4 step next week. And Monday Wednesday Friday doesn't get it.