The Road to Recovery convention in Reykjavik, Iceland

Hector Elias, welcome. Hello, everybody. My name is Hector, and I am a smelly alcoholic. They lost my luggage. I haven't changed my underwear in 3 days, but I showed up.

You see, that's how spiritual I am. Oh god. And I'm a close horse. You know what I mean? I love to look good.

I'm just another pretty face. You know? I have no program, but, you know, I like like to look good, you know. So, anyway, I wanna thank Eli, Sigi, Inish, Chris, and Zola. Many, many, many other people who really were so kind.

I really love Iceland. You know? If you change the weather, I'll move back here. You know what I mean? I live in California.

It's really nice nice and warm there. Anyway, I am I'm gonna talk about the steps 1, 2, and 3. And whatever I say from the podium is just, you know, my experience and my opinion. Unfortunately, I happen to be very opinionated, and I may be wrong, but I'm never in doubt. Okay?

So, one of the wonderful things about, you know, Alcoholics Anonymous, you can do your own interpretation of the steps, you know, but as long as you work the steps, go to me, get a sponsor, and don't drink, you know, you'll stay sober. And that's what I've been doing for 25 years. And I do now the same things that I did 25 years ago when I came to AA. I go to meetings. I have a sponsor.

I sponsor people. I work the steps. I pray and meditate, and I have 3 commitments. And I don't do that because I'm good or spiritual. I do that because I don't wanna drink.

A 100000 people die in America from alcoholism, and I've seen a lot of people with long term sobriety kill themselves. And I love my life. I love AA, you know. I call AA the mafia of love. Newcomers, once you come to a few meetings, you can get out.

We are everywhere. Anyway, this is the way they taught me how to do the steps and I gotta share with you. And if you don't agree with that, it's perfectly okay. Whatever works for you, god bless. I support you and encourage you to do it.

This is what I do. This is what I believe, and this is what I share. You know? First of all, I have to know what an alcoholic is, and we get a lot of definitions in a about alcohol question alcoholic. I believe what the book says.

Alcoholics are men and women who lost their, ability to control the drinking. That's it. I have a problem. What's my problem? My problem is lack of power, powerless.

What's my solution? A relationship with God. That's it. The main object of this book, page 45, is to help you find a house, the money, the car, all those things are incredibly wonderful, but they don't give me the inner peace that I always longed for in my entire life. That comes only for a relation from a relationship with a higher power, and I didn't know that until I came to AA.

I come from object poverty, and I thought if I got all those other things, I was gonna be okay. And I got them. And I ended up dead and in Tesa Care Unit for 3 days. They had to revive me twice. So that doesn't work.

In the, I, the step, the step, one is basically the preface, the forward to the 1st edition, the forward to the 2nd edition, the forward to the 3rd edition, the doctor's opinion story, there is a solution and more about alcoholism. That's untreated alcoholism. We call it a diagnosis of alcoholism. And the way I do that, I go through the guys I sponsored through all those, chapters. The step 2 is chapter 2.

The step, 2 is, we agnostics. Step 3 to 12 is 5, 6, and 7. How it works into action and working with others. And steps 8, 9, 10, and 11 to wives, the family afterward, to employers, and a vision for you is how to practice these principles in all our affairs. And when I came to AA, my sponsor did took me through the books like I do now with with the guys I sponsor.

You know? I just did the 4th 5th. I made my amends, you know, but I felt kind of uncomfortable. And it took a long time to really find somebody to work the steps with and really found out what this magnificent book, this incredible piece of spiritual literature that really literally changed the world, the big book of alcoholics anonymous. And it's just there's a 164 pages are magnificent.

And people say, you know, the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous are to achieve sobriety. Yes. The end result to work in the steps of sobriety. For for me, just for me, remember whatever I say from the podium applies only to me. For me, the 12 steps of alcohol synonymous are spiritual tools to develop a conscious contact with God.

And if I do that, the obsession will be removed. Isn't it interesting, you know, the 12 steps of alcoholics and animal, the word recovery is not mentioned. The word sobriety is not mentioned, the word alcoholism is not mentioned, but there is one word that is mentioned 9 times. Check it out. That word is God.

Nine times. With him is right and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. So that's what I believe the 12 steps alcoholics and animals are for, to develop a conscious contact with God. And if I do that, the obsession will be removed and I'll be able to stay sober and help other alcoholics. That's what I believe.

In the first step, you know, we it's power we admitted we're powerless over alcohol that our lives have become unmanageable, manageable. So it's the first step also is the only one that had to be worked a 100%, had to be adhered a 100%. The other one is spiritual ideals. You know, we had to be content with it, you know, a spiritual improvement rather than spiritual perfection. And the wonderful thing is the way it's written.

We admitted we're powerless over alcohol. It has I don't have to admit that I'm an alcoholic, only that I'm powerless over alcohol. It's a lot easier for me to say I'm powerless over alcohol than to say, you know, I'm an alcoholic. I don't wanna be an alcoholic. You know, I have a Mercedes.

I cannot be an alcoholic. You know? And, and we'll go I'm gonna go real quickly through the the the four words and the preface. The first edition came in 1939, the second in 1955, the third one in 1976, and the 4th, I think it just came out. And, the basic text, the 164 pages, you know, which has really illumined words, really, has never been changed.

The other parts have changed, you know, especially the stories to reflect, you know, the diversity of our, membership. You know, I studied, studying certain spiritual, spiritual studies and then this religion, which is very close to AA. We just believe in God's not denominational. The gentleman who wrote the book, you know, is 560 pages. The big book says the same thing in a 164 pages.

That's how illumined Bill Wilson was. Remember, Bill Wilson had about 3 years sobriety when he wrote this. Obviously, he did not write that. It was just an instrument through which God could pour his wisdom, his kindness, his method. He just guide his hand because remember when you have 3 years sobriety, think about the guys you sponsor have 3 years sobriety.

Can they write 1 paragraph, much less a whole book? So I think he's to me, remember this applies. I think he was like a messiah. He was a chosen person to really do this for us. Okay.

So the foreword to the 1st edition, you know, it came out in 1939, you know, this is is really vague. It's not ambivalent because sometimes we are on the and the program says, I don't know how it works or listen to this. This is what they wrote in the first edition, the forward word to the first edition. We of AA are more than 1 handed men and women who have recovered. Not recovering, not in recovery, but recovery, but we have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body to show other alcoholics precisely how we cover have recovered is the main purpose of this book.

Because sometimes we hear, I don't know how it works. I know how it works. I don't know. Probably I don't know why it works, but I know how it works. If you don't know how it works, read the big book, you know.

So I it's it's precisely how we have recovered. And, in the forward to the second edition, they talk about expansion of a 90 countries then. Now it's a 150 country, and then this speaks about, you know, Abby Thatcher who came in 12 step, Bill Wilson, and also talks about, doctor Silkworth, who was the 1st professional to proclaim alcoholism, a disease. And by the way, when the book came out, AA didn't have a name. AA took the name from the book, Alcoholics Anonymous, but it already was functioning.

It's also in the in the forward to the second edition is the beginning of the traditions. And what is really funny, the traditions were really refused a few times. I think Bill Wilson had to submit them quite a few times before they were approved, you know, and and, 1st international conference in Cleveland. And this is another, sentence from the book that I really love. Upon therapy for the alcoholic himself, we sure have no monopoly because some people say, well, AA is the only thing that works.

No. No, we don't have no monopoly. My barber is sobered longer than me. He doesn't go to AA. You know, he's miserable, but he's not drinking.

My mother remembered. She said, you know, I think I have a I'm drinking too much. And this is what he said. I put the bottle on the floor and never drank again. You know?

But for me, this is the only thing works. I've tried everything else. I try bible study, group therapy, the primal scream, just about everything, you know. Anti abuse, I tried for a year, but I was so miserable at the end of the year. This thing really is the only thing that really worked for me and probably for you too, you know, And and and the the the forward to the 3rd, to, the 3rd edition, came out in 1976, and one of the wonderful statements there says, each day somewhere in the world, recovery begins with 1 alcoholic talking with another alcoholic, sharing experience, strength, and hope.

Notice, it doesn't say we share our stupidity, weakness, and despair. Experience, strength, and hope. There are 3 positive things. You know, sometimes in LA, we'd have probably 3,000 meetings. You know, we go to meetings and people come to share their feelings.

They wanna get in touch with their feelings. Don't worry about getting in touch with your feelings. They will get in touch with you. You know? And I wanna check-in because I wanna know where I'm at.

You wanna know where you're at? Check who's inside your underwear. That's where we at. You know what I mean? And if you're not wearing underwear, better talk to your sponsor.

We do wear underwear, even dirty underwear like I'm wearing, but we wear underwear. And then we get to the doctor's opinion. Doctor Williams d Silkworth was the first physician to speak of alcoholism as a disease that combined a physical allergy with a mental obsession. That concept was so radical that he didn't sign the letter in the first edition of the second the first book of the the first edition of the big book. He was afraid, you know, he may lose his license.

He signed it in the second edition. You know, it was so radical. It's wonderful that we had to remember that we all, to a doctor, you know, he was the first one that he defined alcoholism as a disease, and a psychiatrist, doctor Young, you know, gave us a solution. And, when I work with guys, you know, we do writing assignments and then, and then the first writing assignment we deal with the step first step is on page with numerals. I think it's 18.

Doctor Silworth lists 5 classification of alcoholics. And so what I asked the guys to study them and write a paragraph relating to alcoholic experience to those 5 cases, and then we discuss it. You see, we have to really, the work that we do in writing is to really determine and see that we were really powerless over alcohol, you see, and that our lives have become unmanageable. Then we go to Bill's story. You know, one of the wonderful thing is because we all think of Bill, you know, I say a spiritual leader, but he was really a hustler.

Some really who really it was a salesman. That was he was. That was what he was. He says, this is this from the the first sentences. I fancied myself a leader.

My talent for leadership, I imagine, would place me at the head of vast enterprises, which I would manage with utmost assurance. Business and financial leaders were my heroes. He was very ambitious, very driven. Thank God. That's why we are here today, you know?

And, and then he talks in that, and his story about his encounter with Abby Thatcher, who was the Roland gave him the message, Abby Thatcher, to build, and that's where the whole thing has started. And, it is amazing that doctor Carl, I think it's Carl Jung, you know, he talks about that the only solution for alcoholics of alcoholics of our kind is a vital spiritual experience. And I think he was this pupil of Freud, but Freud did not believe, I think, in the spiritual experience. Experience, that's the way I was taught the young dead. And there is no coincidences.

He told Roland that every Thatcher took Bill Wilson and Bill Wilson got it. Remember what, that you came to Bill Wilson, you know, he did not believe in God. He had a great resentment. But when every that you told him, you know, and God of your own understanding. Oh, this is different.

And he got it, you know. He also talks about, you know, in that his story, the genesis of step 12, for if an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self sacrifice for others, we could not survive with the certain trials and low spots spots ahead. So he got it, and that's why I keep three commitments in my sobriety because I know I will drink. You see, I have to be connected to you. And, and I remember when I first, one of the first guy I sponsored drank, and I felt, oh, why is he doing that to me?

Doesn't he know who I think I am? You know, I had, like, 7 months sobriety, and this guy to me. He did it against me. You know what I I thought I was such a failure. And then when you read the book, you know, on page 12, this is one of the guys that Bill Wilson sponsored.

One poor chap committed suicide in my home. He could not or would not see our way of life. Not only he didn't stay sober, he killed himself in Bill's house. So I'm not such a failure. None of my babies or ex babies kill themselves.

You know what I mean? Say, then we go to the issue solution. And on page 17, it tells us 2 things that we have in common, and these are the only 2 things that we, AA's, have in common. And on page 17, it tells us we have a common peril, our disease, alcoholism, and we have our common solution, a relationship with with God to the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. And on page 21, they give a very lengthy description of real what a real alcoholic is.

You know? So that's the only two things we have in common, our disease and our solution. Nothing else. We don't care if you're black, white, all American, foreigner, gay, straight, fat, skinny, male male or female. We have only 2 things in common and only 2, our disease and our solution.

I'm almost finished with step 1. And also on page 23, it tells us where our main problem is, and that's very important to me. Therefore, the main problem of the alcoholic centered in his mind rather than in his body. Everything is that here. Somebody said 2000 years ago, as a man thinketh, so he is.

We are our thoughts, and that's what I believe, you know, and the book's just the same thing. And on page 27, 7, I already told you this, we see doctor Young described a role in the solution for chronic alcoholic. They must have a vital spiritual experience. And at the end of that chapter, we see some suggestions about our personal religions and, you know, connection to, to our, religions. You see, AA doesn't put down any religion.

It says, as a matter of fact, to further your spiritual studies, go to a religion of your choice, and I I have done that. I read a lot of spiritual books. God is a subject that interests me enormously, and I do it for only one thing because I know the more I get to know God, the more I am in contact with God. My life really gets better. You know, I think if somebody seek ye the kingdom of God and everything will be added onto you.

And the book says the same thing, and I'll tell you later on in a different form. And more about alcoholism, you know, this is the best and short description what an alcoholic is, which I already gave it to you, page 30. We, alcoholics, are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. And the chapter ends with this, the alcoholic at certain times has no effect to mental defense against the first drink, and that it tells you what the solution answer to all my problems. God is the answer to all my problems.

God could and would if he was sought. You see, god god knows where I am. He did not lose my file. You know what I mean? I have to remember that what I am, God is, and I have to be in contact with that.

And that's what I believe really the thought steps of Alcoholics Anonymous are. The spiritual tools to cleanse my body, to cleanse this so that I can become an instrument that God can use. That's what the book says to be a maximum use to God and those about us. That's what the book says, because you see I'm blocked from sunshine of the spirit. So I had to work the steps to cleanse this so that, you know, I can get in touch with the divinity, which is inside of me.

I think it would call it God's grace in the book. At the end of step 1, we do a writing exercise or at least I do with the guys, you know, that I sponsor. You can do something else. It's okay with me. We write 10 or 15 unmanageable wild crazy things you've done when you were drinking.

You see? And then he has to come and read it to me and we discuss it. So when we read this and we looked at this and it has a different value when you see it in writing than when, you know, when you talk about it and we discuss it so that the person really, really realizes, you know, that his life or her life is unmanageable. And I do sponsor women too. Okay.

One of the things I forgot to tell you is the first page of the book, you know, that has our symbol. And in that, the first page, even before the book starts, it has a first promise. The story of how many 1000 of men and women have recovered from alcoholism. That's the first promise in the big book of alcoholism. And, I think I was Debbie shared with us the 3 the 3 units of alcoholism is unity, so service and recovery.

In unity, we have the fellowship, the home group, the world tradition as the body of AA. And on service, we have the message to other alcoholics and the twelve concepts. On recovery, we have the 12 steps, mind and spirit. It is very funny that they chose the three things because in metaphysics also, God and and the the circle means the wholeness of God. You see?

And it's very funny because also metaphysics, when we think of God, we think of the the triune form or concept of God, which is spirit, mind, and body. And that's what the big book tells us, that our disease is, physical, mental, and spiritual. But if we take care of the spiritual, the other 2 will follow. So for us in AA, the answer is always spiritual, which is God. God God could and would if he was sought.

So in the first step, we talked about power in this powerlessness, and, some members giving, you know, a spiritual concept to each, step. The first one for step 1 is honesty. The second spiritual concept for step 2 is hope. And what is a spiritual concept? You know, we talk about spiritual concepts all the time in AA.

I didn't know the big book doesn't say. The 1212 doesn't say. It was explained to me. And, a spiritual concept is undeniable truth. It's not debatable, and I'm gonna give you some example.

This is what I believe. Okay? A spiritual principle is an undeniable or unchangeable truth. It's non non debatable. The absolute, you know, is love is 1, peace another one, compassion, grace, service, joy, prosperity, harmony, abundance.

The absolute, Well, you can debate about love or peace. How can you argue about it? Okay. So so the special concept for step 2 is for step 2 you see, I'm a little senile. I get lost.

That's okay. Is power, and the chapter for that is we agnostics. Step 2 says came to believe. I don't to believe right away, came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. In the first step, we admitted we had a problem, powerlessness.

In the second step, we deal with a solution, the power. Okay? We read the chapter, you know, we have gnostic a few times. I asked the guys to read it, you know, and then we're gonna go through it together, you know. And on page 45, we find probably the most important paragraph in the entire book.

The solution I mean, the problem, lack of power. That was our dilemma. Well, that's exactly what this book is all about. The main object with this book is to enable you to find a power greater than yourself, which will solve your problem. To me, just to me, not for you, to me the whole book of Alcoholics anonymous about God.

That's what I believe. Okay. Now it talks about, you know, restore to sanity. First I have to be able to understand what is my insanity and the way that I was taught to do it is on page 52, we have the bedevilment. And what is the bedevilment?

They are listed in page 52. That's another writing assignment I give the with my purse with personal relationship. 2, we couldn't control our emotional nature. 3, we were prey to misery and depression. 4, we couldn't make a living.

5, we had a feeling of uselessness. 6, we were full of fear. 7, we were unhappy. 8, we couldn't seem to be of real help to other people. So when I did this, you know, with the person, my friend Leonard, I have to write a paragraph on each one of these.

You know, let's take the first one. We were having trouble with personal relationships. I had no problems with personal relationship because I didn't have any relationships. You know? For me, a one night stand was a long term relationship.

You know? And, you know, if I I had sex with you, after after I was finished, you had 2 options, leave or turn into a pizza. You know what I mean? I'm done. You know, this is it.

You know? So that's what I wrote, and Leonard laughed. Anyway, we couldn't control our emotional, nature. Oh my god. Some people say, you know, he or she is a drama queen.

I'm not a drama queen. I'm I, I I was getting to travels into fights almost every week, and I don't wanna go through all of them. But, you know, you write a paragraph or you write if you wanna wanna go through all of them, but, you know, you write a paragraph or you write if you wanna do this and then you share that, you know, with your sponsor and, you know, and this gives you, you know, the insanity, the untreated alcoholism. Now that was the step says, came to believe the power of greater ourselves that could restore us to sanity. So what is my vision of sanity for me?

Right? So I, have to write opposite, you know, to the bedevilment, the complete opposite thing. What would be my ideal life, you know, if my life was restored to sanity? So then I will have 2 two lists: in sanity, what used to be when I drank, and this is what I would like to achieve, my sanity. Okay.

Now, Now now on page 43, it says, you may be suffering from an illness which only a spiritual experience will conquer. That means that I need to to go to God. Okay. So would my higher power take me from my insanity, the bedevilment, to my version of sanity, and now I have to get to God. You know, if you have difficulty with the word God, you know, there's an exercise also that we do, if you can do it if you want to.

In the in that chapter, we agnostics, you know, there are many many names of a higher power. I'd mentioned a few. Universal mind, the spirit of nature, father of light, our creator, a power, supreme being, spirit of the universe, all powerful, guiding intelligence. So the exercise is to find all the capitals, little description or names for God and write 2 sentences, your own description, not from the dictionary, of what that means to you, and that helps you, you know, if you're doing the steps in this in this way, that helps you to really understand it's all the same. We can use Allah or Buddha or Christ or Mohammed.

They're all different names, you know, for one one loving thing that I call God. Okay? Then on page 47, we are agnostics, you know, that says as soon as a man can say that he does believe or is willing to believe, we emphatically assure him that he is on his way. You don't even have to believe. Even if you're willing maybe to believe, you can start doing the work, you see.

We have to remember, you see, that when Abby, Abby came to, I said it before, to Bill Wilson, he did not believe in God. Okay. But he also can be an agnostic and stay sober. And in LA, we have, people who go to meetings are agnostics, you know, they they call the meetings we agnostics, and this is what Bill Wilson says about agnostics and atheists, and a comes of age, page 167. This was the great contribution of our atheists and agnostics.

They had widened our great gateway. They had widened our gateway so that all who suffer might pass through regardless of their belief or lack of belief. That means you don't even have to believe in it. You can do it. I don't know how they do it because I believe, you know, but I have my friend Earl, he says 32 years sobriety.

He is an agnostics. He doesn't wanna hear about God, and he has 32 years sobriety. He has a pretty good program. I I was told that for those who believe, no explanation is necessary. For those who don't believe, no explanation will ever be sufficient.

I'm very, very lucky that I believe, you know, but I I came from a Catholic background, and I was very afraid of God. My God looked like Charlton Heston and he behaved like Leona Hemsley, you know what I mean? I I was very it was not a loving God, so I had to find, you know, a higher power that I could use, and I read a great deal of spiritual literature, and I find the description of God that really helped me. And remember, this applies only to me. You can have your own.

It was by Joel Goldsmith, and he said, regardless of how high my concept of God is, it is wrong because it is still a concept. Eventually I have to lose all the concepts and reach the consciousness that God is, and then leave the subject book says on page 46, even though it was impossible for any of us to fully define or comprehend that power of which we call God, how can I understand spiritual entity that takes care of 6,000,000,000 people at the same time? When you know, religious authorities and theologians through the last 2000 years, had not been able to do it. I haven't found a description of God. I have found some of the qualities of God, but I have not found a description of God.

So that's what works for me. God is. That is sufficient. What is my my proof? My proof, not your proof.

My proof. You're my proof. I found God in AA, you know. You believe in God, you know, and your lives have been transformed. Remember, before we all came here, we were colossal failures.

And look around you. This is a room full of walking miracles. Somebody said, you know, a church, a synagogue, or a temple is the house of God, but a meeting is God's workshop, and I love that. I truly believe in that. And I came to believe just for me, not for you.

You can believe whatever you want. That God is incomplete without without us. He needs us because he loves through us. He needs our smiling, hugging our words, our happy eyes, because he he carry the message through us. That's what God says.

If you believe in me, I am, you know, and that's what I I believe. I cannot really talk and define what God is, but I want to talk about some of the qualities my I have for my God, and you had to find your own. You see, my God doesn't belong to any religion or any one person. That's what I believe. I believe that the father and one my father and me are 1.

Whatever I am, God is. That's what I believe. Okay. It I also believe that my relationship with God is from everlasting to everlasting. It has no beginning and no end.

That's what I believe. Also, which I was told here instead to find trying to find God or define God, I'm supposed to see God in everybody and everything, and that's a lot more difficult. One of the things I do, not through a, but through my church, and, it's a nondenominational church. I have to go to prisons to pray for the, we don't give advice or anything. We listen to what the problem is, and we pray, for the convicts.

And sometime I'm sitting in front of the convict, and he's killed like the last one. He killed his girlfriend. He's been sentenced to 20 years of prison to to 20 years in prison, and I have to see the child of God in that person. And I've had to pray for that person, and there is divinity inside that person. He may not be in touch with them.

You know? I had to find it or had to see him. I don't see him as he sees himself. You know, I see him as God sees him. That's my test.

You do the same thing. When a newcomers walk through the door. Right? I just came out of jail. I was in jail because I killed 3 people and robbed 3 banks.

What do you say? Welcome. You're one of us. You want some cookies and coffee? Here we are.

You don't see what he thinks he is. You see something else, you see, and that's the task in the spiritual, in the spiritual way of life. And, some people think it's, you know, God is Santa Claus, and God gives things. You know what I mean? I don't believe in that kind of god.

I don't believe that my god has anything to give to me because everything he has to give give to me is already given. Everything is inside of me. Love is inside of me. Compassion All that is sobriety is inside of me, and it was inside of me before I came here. I just had to get in touch with it.

I didn't go to Bloomingdale's or Macy's and bought, you know, a $100 worth of sobriety. It was inside of me. And and that's another thing that, that I learned here, and I love this. Okay. God cannot do anything to me or for me.

He does it through me. And on page 68, I think, Bill Wilson let me find it. It's just the same thing. Yeah. Here it is.

Faith means courage. All men of faith have courage. They trust their God. They never apologize for God. Instead, we let him demonstrate through us what he can do, not what I can do, but what he can do.

Okay. That's on page 66. Another thing that I understand is I do not use God. I let God use me, you see. Another thing that sometimes we hear, you know, in God's timing, and what I believe that God's time is always in the now, because God is not I was, so I will be, but I am, and life is always in the present.

You know, if I'm in the past, I've been into guilt. If I'm into the present, I'm into fear. But, you know, we all had to find our own, you know, politics and our own God. And what I found out, you know, by watching people and listening to our steps, you know, the God that we create is really an extension of what we are inside. And the more sobriety we get, the more we work the steps and the more we pray and meditate, that version changes.

You know? I also found out that the world is always, you know, a reflection of who I am inside. Somebody seen said men don't get what they want. Somebody seen said men don't get what they want. Men get what they are, you know, and we all see it seem different.

Somebody could walk through that door and look at this meeting and say, oh, what a piece of garbage this meeting is. And the person comes in a minute later says, this is a great meeting. See, they're both looking at the same thing, but they have their own interpretation. The world is always a reflection of who I am inside. Another exercise that we do sometimes, you know, what are 5 things you're not really to give up for a better relationship with God?

List them. What is it? Porn I don't know. Mine is being judgmental, you know, and we list those 5 things, and then little what we do is you don't have to give them up, I was told. You just had to pray for willingness, you know, to have God number 1, you know.

And and what it means willingness is, and I was asked to look in the dictionary, gladly or cheerfully ready to change this, and I had to keep praying until I will find things God gets on top. Then I can give God number 1 priority. You see, that's what I was told to do. So we keep praying until we're gladly ready to do this, and the final line and we agnostic says on page 57, when we grew near to him, he disclosed himself to us. This is a fantastic promise, if you know, claim it for yourself.

I'm gonna do a few more minutes, step number 3. Step 3. Where am I? I don't know. Oh, here it is.

Okay. Few more minutes. I'm done. So the first one was lack of power. The second one was, you know, what is the power, and step 3 is how to find the power, and the spiritual concept for that is faith.

Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of god as we understood him, and it starts on page step 3 on page 60, and it goes until page 63. So in step 1, we admitted we had problem. Step 2, we came to believe in a solution. Step 3, we made a decision to take action, and I looked up decision, and it means, determination, a resolution. And what does it mean to turn my will over to God?

I was taught the means to put God first and to work the rest of the steps to turn my life in my my will of to the care to God. Let me see. Okay. I have to talk now about what is my will and what is my life. I didn't know.

I really didn't know. You taught me. My will is my thoughts. You see, somebody said 2 1000 years ago, you know, as a man thinketh, so he is, in his heart, so he is. Our books is the same thing or something similar.

Therefore, the main problem of the alcohol centered in his mind rather than his body. Thoughts are things I will start. Just look around you, the chair, the ceiling, this microphone, your shoes, your clothes, everything is started with a thought. You see, thoughts are very powerful, and because I'm an alcoholic, you know, I have a tendency to be thinking about negative things. So I had to change the way I I think, and there's something here on page 85, it talks a little bit about that.

It says, thy will not mine be done. These are thoughts which must go with us constantly. You know? And another spiritual leader, Emmett Fox, talks about what's the golden key. You know, the golden key is and it's very simple, which is exactly this.

Whatever your problem is and whatever your concept of God is, you think of one of the qualities of God. Let's say God is love. I'm gonna kill my wife, right, I'm gonna kill my husband, right. God is love, you know, and if you can best, God is love. So it has to go constantly in my mind, because I a tendency to see things in a negative way.

So my will then is my thoughts. And what is my life? My life, he taught me, is my actions. A man is not judged by what he drives, what he wears, how much money he makes. A man or a woman is judged by his actions, and seeker Emerson said, your actions speak so loud, I cannot hear what you're saying.

You know, and that's it. That's what you would do with CNAA. You can talk a good program, you know, from the podium. You can sound like Mother Teresa from the podium, but let me see what you're doing to help another alcoholic. Because the book says faith without works is dead, and he says it three times.

So, you know, Mother Teresa said, you know, actions is God made visible. I like that, okay. Why, by turning over, I spoke about that, you know, and so is putting God first, you know, working the rest of the steps. Very simple. And and Bill Wilson explains the third step on on page 13, how he did it, and it's beautiful.

There, I humbly offer myself to god as I then understood him, to do with me as he would. I placed myself unreservedly under his care and direction. I admitted for the first time that of of myself I was nothing, that without him I was lost. That's in the big book, page 13. And then there's another paragraph which is also talks about the same thing, which is my favorite paragraph of the entire book, page 62 63.

Next, we decided that hereafter in this drama of life, God was going to be our director. He is the principal, we are his agent, he is the father, and we are his children. We had a new employer, we kept close to him, and performed his work well. Established such a footing, we became less and less interested in ourselves. I love this sentence.

Our little plans and designs. More and more we became interested in seeing what we could contribute to life as we felt a new power flow in, as we enjoyed peace of mind, as we discovered we could face life successfully, as we became conscious of his presence, we began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow, or the here hereafter. We were reborn. Big book, page 62 63. And in this in this this paragraph paragraph is phenomenal.

You see, it shows the different kind of relationship we can have with God. Your father and son, director, actor. I love that one. Employer, employee, principal, yamsi's agent. You know, God always being, you know, a benevolent guy figure, a loving figure.

Somebody took once a little workshop and this guy talked about God, God, you know. Think about God as somebody who's terribly in love with you, who absolutely adores you, who's looking behind the column to you and say, why is he not talking to me? I love him so much. You know, I think that's a great concept, you know, a god who's really madly in love with you. Then we've both before we said the thirst of prayer, let's look at 63, page 63.

We thought well before taking this step, making sure we were ready, that we could at last abandon ourselves to him. Are you ready? Asked the guys, and if you are not ready, we had to answer the questions, you know, the recap on page 60. A, that we were alcoholic and could not manage our lives, step 1, untreated alcoholism. B, that probably no human power could have relieved alcoholism.

Step 2, only God could. And C, the God could and would if he was sought. Step 3, the way to get to him. After that is resolved, you know, we do the step the 3rd step prayer. And, I was told this.

I don't necessarily believe it, but I still told that the 3rd step prayer doesn't have amen at the end because until we do the step, prayer that some 7 step prayer were in a in a continuous prayer from then until we do the and that one has an amen on that. And I I love the thirst of prayer. God, I offer myself to thee to build with me as to do with me as thou wilt. To relieve me of the bondage yourself that I may thy way of life. May I do thy will always.

It's a great prayer. God has mentioned 8 times in this prayer. And notice Relieve me of my bondage yourself, not that I could get a new car or a new girlfriend or a new boyfriend or your house. No. No.