The North End Group in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada

Go, Al. Good boy. Good boy. Good evening, folks. My name is Alf, and I'm a recovered alcoholic.

Tough crowd. Congratulations, Karen. It's wonderful. It's really good to see. It's nice to be able to kinda track people, their recovery.

It was nice tracking my own ass as I went along. It's nice. Gave me something to look forward to, which, sometimes, especially in early recovery, it's not always easy to see the light of day through the fog. I don't think I'm gonna keep you guys here very long tonight. I do have some important things to say, but I don't think it'll take me that long.

I won't talk long about my drinking either because, sure we're all well well versed in how that is. Works if you work it. Thanks for coming up. As as a member of Alcoholics Anonymous, I believe that I have a responsibility. Somebody cared enough about me when I came in here to tell me some truths about myself.

Let me know that I gotta get through the work, and then I'm gonna have to help others if I'm gonna stay sober and if I'm gonna stay alive. Now working with others is one aspect of it, but I also have a huge responsibility of carrying a proper message. Around this proper message, I would believe that it has to do with a message of recovery, that there's 12 steps to freedom. Through this freedom, I'll find God. I'm quite confident in saying that because that's what the steps did for me because I don't not drink one day at a time today.

I live my life one day at a time. I did have to make some notes just in case I I I slipped a few things as I went along. Real brief about my history. I was born in Halifax, raised in Porter's Lake. 1st drunk was when I was 12 years old.

I believe that's when I lost the power of choice over alcohol. By age 15, alcohol became a necessity and was no longer a luxury for me. The year I graduated high school, I bootlegged for money out of one half of my father's garage. At that time, it was probably the greatest thing I ever did, but I paid for most of my education next year when I went to the nautical institute in Port Hawkesbury, where my drinking accelerated to, new heights and new lows, which found me in a seagulling career till age 22 when, heads came to tails, and I found myself crawling into here, which was shortly after a blood relative of mine did the same thing. We used to run together a fair amount.

Unfortunately, I didn't get it the first time around. And after 18 months of pure torture from not doing anything good for myself except using a fair amount of cocaine. I ended up drinking again because I knew it was the only feel good that, I believed it was the only feel good that, I thought I could get my hands on. Just medications that the doctors put me on weren't working. Might have helped if I told them the truth about how I was feeling too.

But, I went on a 14 month, March total destruction, ruining every relationship I possibly could, friends, family, my ex girlfriend. I've since been able to move on from all that. And January 26, 2004, God removed me from alcohol. So Lord knows when I woke up that day, I didn't wanna get away from it because it's the only place I wanted to go. I don't know what kept me from from tipping the bottle that morning.

But, it's kinda interesting. Later on that day, my cousin called me. He was on a course in Toronto. Just out of the blue, I hadn't talked from the months. He wouldn't really have anything to do with me while I was drinking.

How you doing? Haven't talked for a while. I feel like shit. I'm glad to hear that. Do you know where I could go to a meeting tonight?

Well, as a matter of fact, yes, I do. And off I went. From there, realized that meetings alone weren't gonna do it for me right off the hop. I was a little delusional. And, I ended up attending the core program.

Met a bunch of great people that helped me a whole lot through there, but, this is where my heart is right now. If, if I wasn't able to find God, I wouldn't be able to free you the change that bond me. And what I was bound in was a sea of turmoil, delusion, fear, ignorance and selfishness. Now realizing this should allowed me to take a real good look at myself, an honest look at myself. I believe honesty is the foundation of this program.

It's without it. The first step can't be moved on from. So I know damn well that I cannot drink again period. My life was unmanageable. Note the past tense.

Not so much unmanageable today. Which brings me to the chips, which I'm really glad somebody got one tonight. On chips at top says to thine own self be true. And I believe that's rounded around the top for a reason because like on any form of construction, an arch, a porthole in a ship, it's all round because it's the strongest way that something can be built is in a semicircle. All the forces are applied evenly all over the and, without the honesty aspect, I've got nothing.

Now, being able to be honest with myself, moving on from step 1, I knew that no human power was going to relieve my alcoholism, and I had to search elsewhere because I know that nobody was gonna help me restore me to a place where I could stand in front of you guys and talk like I am right now. And with that realization also came a new one that I had to make a decision, not just a decision, a true commitment to turn my will and my life over to the care of God. And not just some of it, all of it, a whole decision. Now at this point, it was time to set out on a vigorous course of action. Had to have a serious look at myself, you know, my selfish, gluttonous, cheating, deceiving, lying, promiscuous ways and discover some serious truths.

Leading up to this point, I was kind of bothered by doing this because I didn't know I wasn't gonna like what I was gonna see. The fact of the matter was I did it all already. There's nothing I can do about it to change it. So when I get to step 9, I can try to reconstruct some some of the wreckage. As far as step 4 goes, I can't sweat it.

I did it. I done it. I don't want it anymore. Plus, it afforded me an opportunity to throw away all my 4, the opportunity to share all of my shit, 4, the opportunity to share all of my shit, the exact nature of my wrongs, my sponsor, God, and myself. It's not so bad when I was writing it, but to actually hear myself say some of it over and over again, you know, in the 3rd column, selfish.

You know? Should have respected the other person. Just didn't like hearing it over and over and over again. But at the end of the our time together, it made me realize, my selfishness, my fears, and, that a lot of my actions and decisions were based on plain ignorance. It's quite a humbling experience, actually.

It feels really good not to have any, any secrets with at least one person on this planet. There happens to be 2. They're both in this room. I have absolutely no secrets with them, and it's great. It's a really freeing experience.

Now I think it's important to remember that spirituality is the way of strength and courage. Prior to 45 and immediately following 6 and 7. Now being at step 6, I was left alone for a very short time. It was less than an hour. At that point in time, I reviewed, the first 5 proposals of this program and, left to think about if I admitted anything.

After doing that, I asked myself if I'm now ready to have, God remove all these things which I found objectionable. Was I? Oh, hell yeah. Because I didn't wanna hold on to it any longer. When I was ready, I said something like this, my creator, I'm now willing that you should have all of me good and bad.

I pray that you now removed from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength as I go from here to do your bidding. Step 7 done. This gotta be the hardest part. Taking responsibility for my actions.

Steps 89. So I won't let alcohol be an excuse for any of the destruction that it caused. Period. I was the one who made the formal decision to go ahead and do every little thing that I did because I picked up the drink in the first place. Now not everyone's gonna get the face to face that they deserve from me because I can't.

Some are no longer alive. What good would I be if I was locked down right now? And, those that I could, they all got appointments booked with, and I tried to reconstruct what was broken. Most of them came off quite well. Others I got to look up and down and told to go myself.

But I think it's power for the course which reminds at that point reminded me that, you know what, everything can't be good in life. I can't fix everything that I broke by at least tried to clean my side of the street. Now, being at the end of step 9, I just like to have a quick look back through the steps. 1 to 3, get me back to God. Steps 4 through 7.

Self. To get rid of all the things that aren't me. Steps 89. To reconstruct my relationships with others. 3 most important relationships, God, self, and others.

And, I believe the 4 through 9 are really the action steps where most of the work is gonna be put in until you get to 12. And, nowhere in the book does it say anything about taking your time to recover. That popped in my head that come directly out of the book thoroughly followed our path fearless and thorough from the very start searching and fearless, a vigorous course of action. This requires action on our part. We should realize we are on a life and death errand.

Faith without works is dead. Why wait? Hop right into it. It's laid right out for us. Oh, yeah.

The the 9th step promises. I I really I do love them. I think there's some some aspects of them that are there's some confusion about or people don't understand or don't wanna believe. Perhaps it could read if we are painstaking about steps 89 of our development, we'll be amazed before we are halfway through. Not, we'll be amazed through our halfway through.

Are these extravagant promises? Absolutely not if you wanna do it. And I can't see why anybody in this room wouldn't wanna do it. We're all beautiful people here. And, goes on to say they're being fulfilled among us sometimes quickly, spiritual experience, sometimes slowly, the spiritual awakening.

Not to be confused with sometimes quickly. We're doing it fast and sometimes slowly. We're doing it slowly because we're stalling and making excuses. They will materialize if we work for them. Now step 10, we enter into the world of the spirit.

It is a great opportunity, minute to minute basis to continue work with self. Step 11, continue freedom from self will, improving our relationship with God. And step 12 works done, guaranteed result, spiritual awakening responsibility and practice in the principles, working with others back to what I started with. Our primary purpose, carry the message to the alcoholic who still suffers. The message of recovery.

Get to God and get to others and get it happening quick. So, quick recap here. Abandon yourself to God, steps 1 through 3. Amid your faults to him, yourself, and your fellows. It's liberty in liberation from what's killing us.

I really only got one more thing to say, I think. Yeah. Shit. I'll say it now, and then I'll talk about something else that I'd like to talk about. I heard it on a CD recently.

Some of you else have probably heard it, but, it it struck me really, really hard. I sought my God. My God, I could not see. I sought myself myself, I could not free. I sought my brother, I found all 3.

I think that's pretty profound and, necessity to be in constant contact with others. Alright. There's I can see many faces in this room that if I would never met, I'd never be where I'm at today. Shit. I think that's all I got to say tonight.

Thanks, folks. Should we do topics maybe? I don't know. It's true. Okay.

We'll have 3 how about 2 topics from the floor? My name is Emily. I'm not calling. Hi, My name is Emily. I'm not calling.

I'm not having. How about the first 3 months of us sobriety? I'm good. He's so cute. One more topic, please.

Please.