Melon City Roundup X in Muscatine, IA

Hi, everybody. My name is Sally, and I'm a very grateful. I've there used to be a beautiful woman in in who lived in Oklahoma, and she always used to start her talk by saying, god's in his heaven and all is right with the world. And for some reason, I was thinking about that. It popped into my mind on the way down just, this morning.

And I thought, you know, that's so true. God is in his heaven and right now, and that's all that God ever gives us is, everything is alright with my world. And I'm so grateful to be here, you know, at the Mellon City Conference with all of you. And I wanna thank the committee and Janine for having me, and, it's just very special. Just very special to be here with all of you.

I, I wanna tell you before I start that my program is really not a very original one. Everything that I've ever learned in Al Anon and acquired, in my program has come from all of you. From going to the meetings, from, going to the meetings before the meetings, when we'd all meet before they started, from the meetings after the meetings, when we'd sit and have coffee or ice cream or something. From, you know, reading the literature, from listening to different people give the steps, and I think that's so important. I had to listen to other people give the steps so that I knew how to work in my own program, from coming to conferences just like this.

And And if you're lucky enough to come to conferences with other people, you know, those little meetings that you have on the way to, then the meetings that you have on the way home, you know, talking about what you heard and how you can incorporate that in your life. And I think the one thing that is so important that I have that it was to me was going to open meetings, because I never appreciated pain that my husband had until I heard another alcoholic talk. I used to blame it on on willpower. I mean, Albert, if you just had more willpower, it'd be okay. In fact, one time I wrote a letter to Oral Roberts asking him to preach to preach a sermon on willpower because really Albert didn't have any.

And I thought, sure, that would help. It didn't. But when I heard some when I heard other alcoholics talk, then I could understand It's all come from being with people just like you that I have used in my life. I love Al Anon. It is my life, and it has given me a life that I never ever fully expected to have.

I, think now I'm supposed to tell you that what he did, what he used to be like, and what he did. Couldn't it be nice? I met Albert when we were both going to the University of Iowa right down the road. It was right after the war, and if there probably aren't very many of you here who remember that time, but it was a wonderful time to be in college because there were about 20 men to every woman. And it was just party time.

It was just party time. And I have been raised in in, born and raised in Des Moines by 2 very loving and very conservative and very controlling parents. I had never had a drink before I went to Iowa. And my first party that I went to was at a fraternity house, And I'll never forget this very nice young man, my date, brought me over a glass of what he said was near beer. And I was so grateful because I thought, well, this must be a mild form of beer.

And I had no idea until the next day when I could hardly move my head that my roommate said this is near beer and alcohol, which is a kind of guess an Iowa thing. I don't know. But I remember swearing I was never ever going to go with a man who drink. I had that was just that was it, you know. I'd I'd had enough.

And little did I know, of course, what I was gonna get myself into later on. Albert was going with a good friend of mine, at the time, and she used to talk all about him, tell me how cute he was and how sweet and how how kind, how exciting. And the only problem that she ever had was that she said he spent an awful lot of time at the airliner or Joe's or Don's and didn't spend much time in class. And I can remember very vividly thinking about this and thinking, well for heaven's sake, he sounds like a real loser and why doesn't she get rid of him? Well, she did.

And why in the world knowing all the things I knew about him when he called me a few weeks later, did I ever accept a date? I can't tell you. I honestly don't know. But I did accept that date and I did find out that he was kind, he was sweet, and he was loving. Very exciting, very exciting.

Spent too much time at Joe's or the airliner. But you know my denial started very early because I fell in love quickly and that was it. That was it. We talked about about some of his drinking, and Albert always used to say to me, oh, I'm just, you know, sowing those wild oats. I'm just out of the navy and they're having fun, and and don't worry about it.

I've there's no problem. I haven't any problem. And I believed him. I really believed him. We had lots of fun, and when I told my parents about him, they came down to see him, to meet him.

And you know, of course, what happened then. They I always would say my my like my daddy could see the the writing on the walls because they did everything they could to break us up and and there's just no no way that that either one of us were gonna allow that. And they finally took me out of school. They took me out of and I was in Des Moines and, but you couldn't do that to Albert because he would drive that 120 miles on Old Highway 6, you know, every weekend. In fact, every time he could to see me.

And I find myself doing things that I had never done to my parents. I always been a, you know, kind of a good old girl. I just never had had defied my parents, but I find myself sneaking out to to meet him. I was going to taking some, courses at a commercial college, and I find myself, you know, sneaking out of the of the classes and spending the day with him, lying to my mother and father. My his hold on me or my hold on him, I don't know which it was, was so great that, you know, he was the most important person in my life.

Absolutely. After much pleading and begging and crying, they finally relented, and we are married June 19, 1948. And he, we set out to have a a wonderful marriage. I had these dreams of of the knight on the shining armor who was gonna take care of me, and I fully believed he would. We bought a little GI house in Des Moines amidst a whole bunch of other little GI houses for $87100.

I'll never forget. When they raised the rent from 50 to 52, we were just devastated. But, you know, it had it had 4 rooms and it was a palace. It was just a real palace, we we loved it. We had no money, a very little money.

Albert was working at a wholesale house as a soft boy. We didn't have a car, and, I used to fix his lunch for him in the morning and he walked down to the to the street car to the bus line and he could on the bus and go go to work. And so many times after, Roxy and Chuck came along then, you know, we I put him in the stroller and we go down to the bus line and meet him when he came home from work. It was just a very innocent kind kind, time to be in love and to to be new parents and we just our life was fun. It was fun and it was thoroughly, an easy life.

But then, his company decided that they wanted him to start traveling on the road, so they gave him an old car and he started going here. I went Nebraska, I remember. And he started off and, I didn't I wasn't quite concerned the first few few months about his drinking because I really didn't think he was. Didn't bother me at all, but then I I said for a long time and I think it's so true that we could sniff it over the phone. Because Albert would call to say good night to the kids, and I would hear that tinkling in the background, and all music, and I could hear him sort of slur his words, and I started thinking, well, what's going on?

You know, what's he doing? You know, and I really was very unhappy with this, to be honest with you. And I start quizzing him, and of course that immediately the sparks would fly. And as as he progressed, more and more, when he would call, I would know that this was happening. So I started really getting angry on the phone, saying things to him that I really didn't like to say, but I mean after all, when you're taking care of his kids and he's out there partying, you know, you've got to say something to assert yourself.

You can't just take that lying down. So I would I would argue with him on the phone and then eventually I would end up slamming the receiver down. I never realized how affected how this affected my children because I turn around and I'd see these little eyes looking at me, and Roxy would say, are you mad at daddy? And I said, well, of course I am. He's out there drinking and he's having fun and spending money that we don't have, and I'd go on and on and on.

And then he'd come home that following Friday night and he walk in the door, and I act like there's nothing happened. And I think now of those signals that I was sending to my kids, send it to my kids, what was they think of their mother? And there's a pamphlet that we have in Illinois, and I always talk about whenever I talk that tells about the inconsistency of the of the spouse of the alcoholic. It wasn't Albert who who really affected my kids. It was me.

It was my tongue. It was my viciousness. It was my actions that bothered my children. And, I've had to make my amends to them, and thank God, they could understand how sick I became over the years with this problem. And you know, you alcoholics talk about the little hole that you're getting down in the middle of your gut.

And and I can tell you that I started getting one about that time just exactly the same. And as the years progressed and as Albert's career started, you know, flourishing, that whole was getting bigger and bigger and bigger. And I honestly didn't know what to do about it. I just didn't know what to do about it. If I argue, if I plead, if I cry, it didn't help.

If I'd be nice and be sweet and be kind, it didn't help. You know? I didn't realize, of course, of the hold that the alcohol had on him. That's where you see that the open meeting helped me later on in years to come. To me, it was still the the willpower still at his lack of of really trying.

He was an excellent salesman. He went up the ladder rather fast and every time he'd move, the drinking became worse. He told me once that, after all when you're you're salesman and you travel, you have to entertain. Well, that's that's impossible, so it's reasonable. But Albert, you just don't have to party quite so hard, you know.

You can stop, can't you? You can stop. And when I would ask him that he would just look at me. He wouldn't defend himself. He just say, Sally, I've got to do what I have to do.

But don't worry about it, you know, it's gonna be okay. It's gonna be okay, and he promised me. And I believe him. I believe him. I believed Albert for years years years until there was a point when I didn't believe anything he said.

And it took me a long time even in the program of El Anand before I relieved what he what he told me. We were living in Westport, Connecticut in 1962. Westport, for you who don't know, is a suburb of Greater New York City. We had found an old house built by a sea captain in 18/12, and it was just such fun, and I loved loved it. He had a wonderful promotion by a national company, and he was dealing with presence of companies and and buyers of national, chains.

And so you can imagine what the entertaining was. He informed me one day that, you know, that he was gonna start drinking martinis because this was a time when the martini lunch, was flourishing. Only Albert didn't stop at lunch. You know, he would go on to, you know, cocktail hour and then a dinner. And that was one time when when I remember saying to him, you know, either no martinis or no meat because they made him very mean.

So he stopped the martinis. But you know, he was continue drinking anything else he could and I put him on the train in the morning to to commute because he would commute into the city. And many of the time when I go pick him up that evening and he wouldn't get off the off the plane off the train, or he would fall off the train. And it got to be a a just a horrendous time. And there again, I just didn't know what to do.

I had not been raised to cope with situations like this. My parents had always taken care of me, and I had no one at that time. I couldn't depend upon my husband, so I was just frantic. I had a call one day from a, an Episcopal priest. We have to be Episcopalians.

And I had a call one day from this man and he, from Syracuse, New York, and he asked me if I knew what happened to my husband. And I said, no. And I really feared the worst. And he said, well, he's in the hospital and I think it's imperative that you come immediately. So I arranged for a babysitter and I went over to Syracuse.

As I walked up to the hospital room, walking up the corridor, I saw a man come out of the of the room, and I walked up and I said, I'm Sally Myers, and what's what's wrong with my husband? And it was the first time that I consciously remember seeing the compassion in a person's eyes because he looked at me and he said, really? Not much, missus Myers. He drank too much last night. He hyperventilated, and we thought we need to bring him here for for, observation.

And I want you to know, I was so angry. I was so mad at this man. How could he do this to me? How could he do this to his kids? You know, how dare he.

And I had to walk round and round and round this corridors of that hospital before I could go in there and, you know, and and not wanna just take that pillow and crush Albert. He wasn't worth it. He just wasn't worth it. But there again, I didn't know what to do. I was just frantic.

Didn't know what to do. My my way of coping with the situation finally was to, take a razor blade one morning and very dramatically walk into the bathroom and say, I'm going to kill myself. I just can't cope with this anymore. The 4 kids were standing right there, Brian, beside Albert, you know, and they looked at me and said, mom, what's wrong? What's wrong?

The next day when Albert took me to the psychiatrist, and this is what he was going to do for the next I don't know how many years, but he always took me to the psychiatrist. The man said to me, you wouldn't have gone through with it, missus Myers. What you were trying to do is something has got to change in your life. You just can't go on living like you're living. So his suggestion to us was to get out of the the northeast, which was so foreign to our our upbringing, get back to Iowa, which you're familiar with, get back to friends and family, and it sounded great.

Well, a couple of months later, Albert lost that wonderful job and so that's what we came. We did. We came back to Iowa City. Where we knew we were gonna live the rest of our lives. We bought the house that was perfect for us.

You know, close to the schools, we had friends, we went close to our church, and it and it just sounded glorious. You can't you can't conceive of the of the hope that I had in my heart. Because after all, Albert promised me, you know, that the alcohol would would stop, and I believed him. And by that time, this hole, you know, had gotten about this big and I just We, out for the 1st few years, it was really it was really fun because Albert did stop drinking, occasionally. And then he became a kind of a periodic drug because he'd be sober for maybe 5 or 6 months and all of a sudden he'd go off and be be be gone, you know, for 3 or 4.

So that that disease of alcoholism was progressing all the time. I, I had I've got a job. I was working at a local department store, and I remember I was wrapping packages before Christmas. And I was so embarrassed, and I was so upset by what I was doing that I hide when I see a friend of mine come in, you know, to have a package wrapped. And yet I walk out of that store, and I'd run into that same friend, and I could look right at her and I'd say, and she say, how are you doing, Sally?

And I'd say, great. Great. My life is perfect. You just don't know how how wonderful my life is. I've got this husband who loves me and he's 4 kids that are great.

Then I'd walk into the bathroom and I'd look the mirror and I see that face. And I say, what a phony. What a phony you are. I have a friend in Al Anon who talks about how we, Al Anon, have phony respectability. And I remember the first time I heard that, I thought that's me.

I was so respectable on the outside, so respectable, but I was such a phony on the outside, so respectable, but I was such a phony on the inside. It's like I had a piece of a plexiglass or something around me, you know, that shielded me from what people would say or they would think. But I felt like I you touched me and I would just shatter. I would just shatter. I used to come home from that job and I'd walk in the door and I'd hide.

I didn't wanna see people. I didn't wanna talk on the phone. I didn't want it hence, do anything. Yeah. I couldn't understand why people didn't call me.

I remember one time I said to Roxy, no one calls anymore. What's wrong? What's what's wrong? What am I doing? And she looked at me and she said, mom, why should they?

Look what you've become. I couldn't understand. I didn't realize what I was. I was so caustic. I was so bitter and I was so resentful.

I'm sure it showed in every single pore in my body, you know. And yet I look rise to you and say, oh, my life is perfect, you know. And I smile and I'd be such a phony, such a phony. We, lost that house that we were gonna live in for the rest of our lives. We had to have an auction of our furniture out on the front yard.

And I always tell a story about a big white dollhouse that I had, a great big white colonial dollhouse that I had. As a little girl, and I had kept it, and I had given it to Roxy. And she had kept it, and she left it, and she wanted to save it for her daughter. And after the, after I came in the program, excuse me, Roxy and I were talking and she said, mom, do you know how hard it was when I lost that dollhouse? I always wanted to keep it for my daughter.

And I had to look right at her and say, no. I never ever thought of my children. I was so involved thinking about her father and what he was doing to me, how he was affecting my life, how awful I felt because of him. I just didn't think of my kids. I was a good mother functionally to them, but I know how much I let them down in so many areas.

And I am had to accept that and live with that and make my amends to my kids. And thank God, as I said, they could see how sick I was. We moved to Shreveport, Louisiana in 196 72. And Shreveport, Albert had gotten a job. I don't know how, but he got it.

And, it's a it's a year that really I don't even like to think about. Because he was drinking by that time around the clock. I didn't know where he was and I honest to god, I didn't care. I just didn't care. I knew that I would stay with Albert until fun until John was out of high school because I knew that I could not take care of a teenage boy.

My emotions were so skittish that there's no way that I could take care of John. So I just existed. I I remember thinking, you know, I was living 24 hours a day long before I came in the program. Just round the clock, I get up in the morning, I'd go to work, I take or take John to school and then I go to work. I leave the work and I come home, pick John up, go home, fix him dinner, go to bed, get up the next morning, round and round the clock.

Albert would call me and I didn't care. I didn't wanna talk to him. He was in East Texas, traveling in, on December the or excuse me, on September 7, 1973. And he doesn't remember how he got there, but that night, he was arrested for DWI by the Shreveport policeman and put in jail. And putting his hearing the next day, the judge told him, either you clean up your act, mister Myers, or the next time, it's 6 months in the pea farm.

I firmly believe in angels because that night, as we walked up the sidewalk of the Southfield Episcopal Church to the Southfield AA group, there was an angel who met us at the door. And she looked at Albert, and she said, come on in. We've been waiting for you. And he didn't have another drink from that day until the day he died, May 8, 1997. And I don't know which of us is more grateful to be honest with you.

He was like a sponge. He loved AA from the very start. He went to meetings every night, every day, constantly. And I can't, can't say the same thing about Al Anon. I went because he asked me to go, but I really didn't get much help from it.

I listened to the people's stories and I couldn't relate. After all, they had not suffered like I had suffered. And yet, I saw the hope in their faces and the hope in their eyes, and that's what kept me going. Albert got a sponsor, a great big tall Louisiana gentleman, and he was a gentleman. And Bill took him by the hand and he started telling him about the steps and and the program.

And I picked his little wife who was just little little tiny Ruth as my sponsor. And the 2 of them were precious individuals. They were angels also. And they were so good to us. They take us out to dinner and they'd have us out to their house at the edge on the edge of Shreveport.

And we would do things with us and and Ruth was she knew better than to be real stern with me, but with lots of love, lots of love and very gently. She start telling me about the program and what I could do if I wanted to. And, they were they were a couple who had lived through an awful lot. They had put their marriage back together, and this is what they wanted for Albert and I. And Bill used to talk to Albert about this.

And Albert came home one day and he said, you know what? They'll want to suggest that we do to help our marriage, and I wasn't really sure yet that I wanna keep this marriage, to be honest with you, but I said okay. He said, we need to have our meditation together every morning. I said, what? He said, no.

He said, we need to pray every morning together. He said, I'll have my prayers and then you can have yours, but together we need to pray. He said, Sally, Bill says, if we bring God into our individual lives, we also need to bring God into our marriage. So we did that for the next 28 years, you know. And let me tell you, it's one of the things that I really miss.

I really and truly miss. Because it was a very special time for both of us to have our prayers together. And then one day he came home and he said, well, Bill says now I need to start to date you. And I said, what? He said, well, I said, the romance is out of our marriage, and that's for sure.

There are a lot of bunch of romance in that marriage. And he said, Bill says we need to kinda get to know each other. Not like we used to be, but like we're trying to change our lives now. So we start out dating. We go out for dinner 1 night or we go to a movie or we just go walk around the block.

We just had some special time that there was no AA, no Eleanor, but just Sally and Albert. So that gradually, we would get to know the new people that we were becoming. And it's another thing that Albert and I did until the day he died. You know, we would just have a wonderful time together, just a special time. I became the wife, I think, that he always wanted in the same token, he became the husband that I always dreamed about that night on the shining armor, you know.

And it was a neat way of of bringing our marriage back together. One day Ruth said to me, do you mean what you meant all those many many years ago when you made your vows to love, to honor, and to cherish, till death do you part, through sickness and to through health? And I said, yes. I met it at the time. And she said, well, if you did tell her, then what you need to do is you need to put the principles of AA, Ayanna, in your life, and Albert can put the principles of of AA in his life.

And the 2 of you can mutually work together to put that marriage back together. And so this is what we started to do. Not because I I particularly wanted to, but be because I was so enraptured with this couple still on mute. They reminded me, I guess, a lot of my grandparents, my maternal grandparents whom I dearly loved. But they were so dear and so sweet, and I could see that what it had done for them and that's what I needed.

I needed to see. You know, I could intellectualize it all perfectly, but to see the the end result was what I needed. We moved to Dallas in December of that year and we hated to leave Shreveport. It had been so meaningful to us and so dear. But Albert has gotten this wonderful job and this was what Bill said, no, you need to go.

And you've always got AA in Al Anon wherever you are in this country. So we took John who was still in high school, and we drove to Dallas. And it's after Shreveport, Dallas is a great big city. And believe me, it still is our great big city. But, when we started out looking for for AA cups, and first we would go to 1 and then we would go to another and then we go to another.

Always looking for what we had in 3, 4, of course. And finally, after we've been there a few months, we're taking some clothes to a cleaners not too far from where Albert worked. And I happened to see an AA logo on the door of of this on the right side of the papers. And I said, look, Albert, there's a a club. Let's go upstairs and find and see what it's like.

In that particular day, we went upstairs and we found a club called Alpha. Now I have to tell you what Alpha was like because it had been formed about 6 months prior to this by by, about 60 people. Couples who wanted a club where they could work on not only individual problems, problems, but also family problems, problems with their kids. And I have said and I firmly believe it that I think God just zapped us there that day because it became our our home and our haven for many, many years. And those same some of those same people are still alive.

God bless them. And I I just, I cherish I just cherish what they were able to give us over the years. I I was still really very, full of a lot of resentment from a lot of bitterness. And one Saturday, and I because as I said, I don't think anyone ever had gone through what I had gone through. After all, I was such a martyr.

I loved being a martyr. I just, you know, if I could have worn that gold crown up there to let everybody know what happened to me, I would. But one Saturday night, we went to a little small discussion meeting. It was one that Albert and I had gone to before, and I would never talk. I was just I was full of fears, and I figured no one would care about me.

So I just would always say my name is Sally, and I'm an and pass. Well, that particular night, there was a lady sitting right across from me, and she start talking. And she was telling how she, and she was an alumni, how she would come home from her job, and she would walk into her bedroom and she'd lock the door. She would never talk on the phone. She would never, you know, do anything to be a friend to anybody.

And I sat there and I thought, well, she's telling my story. That's what I went through. My heavens. And I went to her after the meeting was over and I said, did that really happen to you? And she said, yes.

And then she went on to tell me some more of the things. And I realized at that time, you know, that we all get here on a different path, but we all share the same feelings and the same emotions. And from then on, I was able to say, my name is Sally and I'm an Al Anon, and I could talk because my my story is not so different. I didn't suffer any more than anybody else, you know. And how grateful I was.

I've never seen that woman since, but she was there for me. She was another angel in my life. I, was told, of course, that I needed to give sponsor, which which I did. I, kinda hunted around and finally found a woman that was just about my age. I had children just about my age, and I just dearly loved her.

Scared to death when I asked her to be my sponsor for fear, she'd say no, but she didn't. She She said yes. And, she's been my sponsor now since, oh, probably March or April of 19 74, and she's still my sponsor. I was in Dallas a few weeks ago, and I spent some time with her. I've watched her walk through, you know, some really try and try times and and she always has such dignity and such poise and, you know, she still has exactly what I want.

If I could just be like Nancy, I'd be okay. And we've long since her past, I know the sponsor sponsor relationship. We're just dear good friends. There's nothing I know that I couldn't say to her. Nothing.

That she loves me just as I am. Isn't that a wonderful feeling to know that you're loved that much by somebody else? It's just it's, you know, it just sends goosebumps all over me. Albert, picked her husband to be his sponsor, his first sponsor in Dallas. And one of the first things that they did for us was that they called one day and and Jeff said, hey.

We're gonna go to, up to Oklahoma for a conference, in a couple of weeks. You know, pack your bags and we'll pick you up. And we went up and loved it. And then a few weeks later, he called and say, okay. You know, the state conference is down in Galveston, and we're going down there and, you know, pack your bags and we'll pick you up.

And we became conference junkies. That's just the word to describe us. We became conference junkies, and we loved it. We just loved it. And then before long, chef called one day and he said, we're gonna pick up somebody at the airport and take them with us as we're going to, you know, out to Midland.

So just be prepared. And we got to the airport and picked up one of the speakers, be, you know, with this man who'd been in the program for all these years. And then there came a time when Jeff called and he said, okay. I can't be there to take you, but will you pick up this man at the airport? And she and I remember Albert said, well, how are we gonna know who he is?

And he said, well, he's gonna be wearing a full length main coat, and you'll know. And we went out there and there he was. This wonderful man from Canada who came in with a full length coat. And it was just so special so special. We over the years, we got to know people, you know, and got to be able to be with them and talk to them and soak up so much of their wisdom and so much of the love that they able to share with other people, you know.

And that's where my my why I say my my program, it comes from all of you and from listening to all of you. And that was such a treat. And before long then Albert was asked to speak someplace and and and that was such a treat. Such a treat to be able to go with him and get to know other people. My, 4 kids that had had literally left us, us.

John John was too young at the time. He had to stay home, stay with us. But the other 3 3 oldest, when they graduate from high school, they'd leave. I mean, and they would just, you know, see you, walk out the door, and that was it, especially our our middle son, Chuck. He was at the University of Iowa.

And and Chuck, when when we lost, he had he just wanted nothing to do with us. And we were up in Iowa City visiting from Dallas, and it was a Christmas time, and we had some Christmas presents for him. And he was living in a shack right down by the river. And I remember when we walked away and knocked on the door and Chuck opened it, and so it was he slammed the door in our face, turns and, you know, turned his back on us. And I was just devastated, just devastated because I didn't know what to do.

But you all had told us, you know, the best thing you can do for your children is to do something for yourself. And this is what we were trying to do. We were trying to make the changes in our life so that we would become attractive again to our kids, so that they could trust us, the new us, not the old ones. And Roxy called us if we've been in the program a little over 4 years and she said, how would you like to have all of us for Christmas this year, mom? And that year, I remember sitting at the dinner table looking around thinking, thank you father and thank you Alcoholics Anonymous and thank you all and all.

Because without what you all had done for us, what you had given to us, you see, we would never have had those those children with us, you know. And it hasn't been easy. It's been a long struggle. You can't just change things overnight. I'd like to, you know, but I I thought I couldn't.

And I was 25 years, you know, becoming the the resentful, unhappy mother that I was. I had to take the time to change to become the kind of a mother that the kids wanted. You know, impatient to begin with, so it was hard for me to just to sit back and relax and go to meetings and do what I was supposed to do, knowing that eventually it would work. And it has. It has.

My my husband died 4 years ago last May. It was a very sudden death. He went into the hospital for surgery and we thought it was gonna gonna be minor surgery. None of the kids were there. They live in, Bruxy's in Iowa City and and John is in New York and Tom and Chuck both are in Austin.

So none of the kids were in Dallas with us. And the night before the surgery, I remember, the nurse came in and she said, Arnie, is is your family here? And Albert said, no, we're not. And she said, mister Myers, you need to have your family here. Call them.

And Elmer said, but you don't understand. We've got family here. We've got family here that are closer to us than our own kids, you know. So we're not concerned about it. And she just looked at him and shook his head and shook her head and said, I think you're wrong.

But you know, the next day I had my family here. You were you were all there with me. There was never a time that whole day that there wasn't somebody, some member of alcoholics anonymous or some member of Al Anon that didn't spend the whole day with me. And the doctor, when he called me in just a little before midnight to tell me that Albert had was gone, You know, within minutes, you know, that family was all back. You didn't leave me alone for a second until my regular family came.

You have been there for me all the time. And, there are things that I can tell you that you would understand about me and understood about Albert that my own kids wouldn't, you know, and how wonderful that is to know. The, I stayed in Dallas for a couple of years. I, I decided that that, I knew. I just knew deep down inside that I needed to do something.

I wasn't sure what it was, but I know I needed to do something. And I'd get down on my knees at night and I'd pray, please, dear God, you know, show me some kind of a of a a light. Show me some kind of a path that I need to follow. And I came up and I visited Roxy, it'll be 3 years ago this coming this in October. And as I got off the plane, I remember thinking, this is it.

It was Indian summer. And Iowa in the fall is absolutely my favorite time of year. And the sky was blue and I could see that the leaves were turning, you know, and I the only thing I missed was the smell of burning leaves because that was just all part of Iowa and the fall to me. But I just knew that this is where I should I should come. And, even though I was I've been raised in Des Moines, Roxy was here in Iowa City, and so I thought, well, I'll just go be with her.

And I went back to to, Dallas and and I moved up here just 2 years ago, the first of September. It's been a new experience for me. It's been adjusting to the to a new program. It's been adjusting to new places, and I miss and very frankly, I miss my Al Anon program in Dallas. I miss my friends in Dallas.

But you know, that's that's life. I don't like change, and and that's something I really have to to work at because I know that it's not them, it's me. It, I also knew that I had to have, I have surge or arthritis in my knees and I knew I I had to have surgery. The hospital is here so, it all just sound like perfect. Well, I had the surgery surgery on my knees.

The doctor wanted to do one at a time and I said, no. No. Let's do them both at once. I can handle it. I handle an awful lot.

I can handle that. Little did I know. But I did I did okay. I I did okay. And I was going to therapy and I was doing the things that I should have been doing.

And then in May, I slept and fell and fractured my right hip. And, the doctor happened to be in the hospital that same day as as they took me in and he just took his looked at me and shook his head. Yeah. No. So I'm back in therapy and it's not going as well as I'd like, but I'm keeping on keeping on.

That's just the way I'm doing. The, when I saw my doctor a few weeks ago, I said the one thing I will not let myself be is discouraged. I just refuse to be discouraged, you know. And thank God that's the program. That there's always a light at the end of the tunnel.

I don't know where it is and I wish it would come sooner, but I just I know that someday it's gonna be okay. That someday. So that's why I'm up here with a stool and having, you know, nice looking young man helped me up and down. It's, I never know how to end these talks. I'm grateful to be here, to be with you.