The topic

Welcome Brian. I'm all set. Thanks. Is this water for me? Hi, everybody.

I'm an alcoholic. My name is Brian. Hi, Brian. Oh, good to be here. Well, I guess what I'm gonna talk about is, I'm just gonna follow-up and kinda clean up what these guys said.

The good news is I'm the baby of this group, so I know even less, and I'm less of an expert than both of them guys. So, all I'm gonna share is my experience around some of what we talked about and tied in around unity and around really what, I think I think Myers could have been a little bit more passionate. He's a little bit, tame there. It's for me, when I hear Myers speak and it's the first time I've ever met I've never met Myers or Kip, and, and I've actually never heard him on tape, so I apologize for that. So Shahir, I'm up here speaking.

I got goosebumps. And whenever I hear someone speak passionately around Alcoholics Anonymous and speaking the truth that I believe, I get passionate myself. And, and, also, I got some good sleep last night, so that was good. And and everything that Meyer said is what I believe, and everything that Kipp said is what I believe is that and, you know, for me, the unity of, my experience around my home group, where I started in Maine and, what I learned real quick was that so we were so young in sobriety, we had limited old timers to rely on because we got sober in in Arizona. Me and my wife both got taken through this process and we were awakened spiritually and we ended up in Maine, in rural Maine at that, so it was very, limited population and there was there was really no old timers, no one really, that had been through the steps, that was talking what we were taught about Alcoholics Anonymous, about the truth of AA, what AA really is.

And so we had to really grow up quick. You know? We had to really, seek out some people and bring them into our community. We brought Don p. We brought him and we brought Clint Clint h.

We brought, Polly p, who I think has been out here maybe. We started bringing all these old timers into our community, kinda like what you guys are doing. But the one thing that was clear about us, and and we were we were young and we were passionate and we were on fire and, the spirit of god was definitely in us, and we knew the truth about Alcoholics Anonymous, but the real message is and what what and I I'm gonna say it just because I believe this is something I've been speaking for a long time about is the 12th step I mean, it's crystal clear. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we carry that message. It's the only message we carry.

And see, I'm involved in the service structure, and I don't know how I've kinda got an idea of what the service structure is like in Iceland. But I got involved in the service structure in Maine, and I would go to these committee meetings. And I, you know, I was the area corrections chair, so I was the corrections chair for the state of Maine, and I'd have a committee of, you know, maybe 20 people. And so I asked a question one time, like, what's the message? You know, we're all here today.

We're spending the whole day. We all drove 2 hours. We're here. We're talking about carrying the message into the prisons to the alcoholics who are suffering, but what's the message that we're carrying? And I I pose that question to 20 people, people with different lengths of sobriety from 5 years to 25 years and I didn't get any unified answer And you wanna talk about weeping that I've I felt this emptiness, like, what what do we these are the leaders of AA, and they were saying, like, well, we don't have to drink 24 hours today or that, if I go to 90 meetings in 90 days, I'll you know, all this stuff that was like and I was blown away, and I learned a lesson that day that, you know, it's my responsibility that that my responsibility goes much deeper.

You know? My sponsor told me I, it's one of those questions I pose on him when I was newly sober, and he went to a lot of meetings and he went to, I used to go to this, in the States, at least where I'm from. It may not be in other pockets. Alano Clubs are, not the bedrock of health. And, but you but you find a lot of sick alcoholics there.

And, I got sober at the Northwest Alano Club in Tucson. It's closed now, but I remember I was sitting there and I was, like, 6 7 months sober, and my sponsor leaned over and he says something crazy was going on in the meeting. It was just insane. He says, when you leave Eagle Crest, which is the treatment center I was in, he said, I want you to get a home group in a church basement that meets once a week. I said, what do you mean?

This is a great I like this group, you know, and he says, no. I I want you to do that. I said, well, why? And he says, because there's not a lot of health there. I said, well, why do you come here?

And And he goes, well, I come here to meet guys like you. And I learned a lesson that day that, you know, like, like, for me, our group started in my house, and it started with one message that we that through the 12 steps, we'll have a spiritual awakening and we carry that message to other alcoholics. And that has mushrooms into a different thing. So when like, my home group, when we started, you go into my home group, anybody in my group, I can hook you up with, you're gonna hear the same message that I say, that my wife says, that my wife's says, that her sponsor. It's gonna be clear cut.

There's no convoluted message. It's crystal clear. And the questions we find out in the qualifying through the process as a sponsor is exactly exactly what Myers said, because if I don't really know if I'm if I didn't know I was a real alcoholic, I would never I would never find a spiritual that's like my sponsor took me through the steps. It was crystal clear. He says, if if you don't if you're not a real alcoholic, you're not really gonna seek a spiritual solution.

In my experience with guys, when I first started sponsoring since I was so new, I would kinda rush people through the first step and then they would peter out in the 4th step. And I realized that I was sponsoring nonalcoholics. I wasn't really posing the correct questions. And so I learned through that I really wanna find out, are you a real alcoholic? And those two questions, I'm 44.

I answered that. I mean, is that you? You know, because you can't you can't start a spiritual journey on a lie. You just can't. You gotta have the truth.

A spiritual journey must start on the truth. And what happens in our area is if you go to rehab, I guarantee you, if you have an OUI, you are labeled an alcoholic. That's it. It could be your first OUI and you could be an 18 year old, 16 year old, 15, 16 year old, 15 year old, 15 year old. You could never even drink.

You'd be 35 years old and get an OUI. You are gonna be labeled an alcoholic. That's that's their criteria for measuring if they're an alcoholic, and then they'll send you to us. And what do we do? You know?

What do we do then as as members of AA? And and what we're talking about here and I'm just gonna, because really, this is about the first and the 5th tradition. And the first tradition says each member of Alcoholics Anonymous is but a small part of a great whole. AA must continue to live, or most of us will surely die. Hence, our common welfare comes first, but individual welfare follows close afterward.

And do I care enough about the fellowship of alcoholics anonymous to not be so concerned about the individual, whether I'm gonna hurt their feelings. You know? I asked I I know for a fact what what Myers said. You don't hear what Myers said from the podium very much. That's that's whispered in amongst the groups, but you don't hear that a lot about that.

You know what? There's a lot of heavy drinkers in Alcoholics Anonymous. You know? I went to a meeting, it was about a year ago, and I was talking about what I believe about a spiritual awakening, and like what happens, and I think probably happens everywhere, if you carry a strong message of recovery and there's someone in the room who that hurts their feelings, sometimes they speak after you. And this guy spoke after me, and, and he was very eloquent.

He was a very educated man. And he went on to say that he had a spiritual experience, and he didn't have to do the 12 steps. He just had that experience. And I can tell you right now, I wanted to speak after him, but I've learned about love and tolerance of others. But there's a few things I will do.

I will go up to the newcomers in that meeting and talk to them after. But I went to this man, and I said, you know, I hear what you said. You know? Like, my spiritual awakening came as a result of the steps. If an alcoholic comes into my life, I can specifically show that person how to have the exact same awakening I had.

Right? It'll be different in the sense of their god will be different, but the awakening, the obsession to drink will be removed. It's exact I can I can show someone? That's the gift that we get here. Right?

It's not like a flip of the coin, like, well, maybe you'll get sober, maybe not. I can show you how to recover forever if you do certain things, because that's what our founders did. I mean, they spent 2 years writing this book. If anyone's ever been part of a business meeting, can you imagine? Just go back just go back to your business meeting and think about writing the big book.

And I think about that. I mean, we've argued over coffee pots for hours. Think about how much blood and sweat and tears and energy went into writing this book so we wouldn't get the message diluted. You know, that is crazy. I can't even imagine.

And these guys were they started in, 37. They were 2 years sober. And only a few of them were 2 years sober, and they're gonna write the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous for us. So the message years down the road, 60, 70 years down the road does not get diluted, it's not watered down. This is what we did.

This is what we did to recover. They said, if they had not written this, I can guarantee you, if I told a story to this gentleman on the left, I whispered how I recovered, and it went all the way through the room. By time it got over the kip, it would be you'd sacrifice sheeps and, you know, and drink their blood. That's what would end up because that's what people do. They take what they believe where they're at.

I've been to a meeting. I'll never forget. I went to a meeting, and I and this guy spoke, and I didn't like anything he had to say. And I had 3 newcomers with me, and they loved everything he had to say. They heard completely different stuff than I heard.

I'm at a different level of sobriety. My spiritual growth is different than theirs. You know? I hear things differently. But this, it's in one language.

I'm sitting here listening to you guys speak, and I I can't understand a word, but I can understand it all. The language of the heart is truly powerful. You know? And when we are unified in the message we carry, it doesn't confuse people. This is it.

You know? If a guy that I'm sponsoring doesn't like what I have to say and he goes to another guy in my home group, he's gonna hear the exact same thing. He doesn't like what he says, he'll go to him. He can go all the way around the room, and he'll come back and say, oh, okay. You know?

Because we're all speaking the same language. We're unified in our message. You know? The 12th step and this is everything that we do, and this is if you really wanna know god, if you truly, truly wanna know God, get to know God's children. Alright?

If you wanna know God, get to know his kids. And how do you get to know his kids? By bringing them into your life and watching them grow. There's nothing more powerful than watching a wounded broken man or a woman come in with no hope, and we carry a message of hope to him. We introduce him to a power.

See, when I'm clear today, and this is crystal clear for me, the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous doesn't get me sober. My home group doesn't get me sober. My sponsor definitely doesn't give me sober. My wife won't give me sober. My parole officer never got me sober.

The 12 steps of alcohol, it's anonymous, don't even get me sober. What gets me sober is a god of my understanding. All those things draw me to that, but that's what gets me sober. That's what keeps me sober. If I stay in fit spiritual condition, I will die sober, and so the question is, well, how do you stay in fit spiritual condition?

Well, every time any time I read the big book, if you're having trouble with sex, work with others, You know? My favorite I see some of us had problems with that. This is this is my favorite this is my favorite pages in the big book, and and nobody showed me this, but as I take guys through this process, you know, if I'm reading every time I read the book with somebody, something something pops up. You know? This is in Bill's story.

It's on page 14 15. And it says, my friend had emphasized the absolute necessity of demonstrating these principles in all my affairs. Particularly, was it imperative to work with others as he had worked with me? Faith without works was dead, he said, and how appalling true for the alcoholic. For if an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self sacrifice for others, He could not survive the certain trials and low spots ahead, and if he did not work, he would surely drink again.

Alright? The only place in the big book of alcoholics anonymous where it tells me how to grow spiritually, work and self sacrifice for others. And I can guarantee you, and this is what my sponsor said, I guarantee you, if you stay sober in Alcoholics Anonymous, you will experience pain. It's inevitable. Not an option.

It's gonna happen. People in your life will die. Homes will be broken. Things will happen. Life happens.

Alright? When my wife went to Turkey for 6 months, right, a big turning point for me, you know, because we were married 4, 5 years. She was in school. She was gonna go teach English to Turkish children. 6 months.

I don't care about what anybody says. For me, I had a lot of fear around that. We'd never been separated for that long, and we weren't having a great you know, we were, like, in a typical we're 4 or 5 years in our marriage, and we were it wasn't bad, but it was just you know, it wasn't really at peak. And she said, I wanna go to Turkey and and, go to school. I had a lot of fear around that.

And what happened is and this is the way god works in my life, and I think it works for a lot of people when you're passionate about alcohol. The day my wife flew off to Turkey, a newcomer was dropped on my doorstep, and he was a wounded man. He was extremely wounded, and we were inseparable for 6 months. I mean, I sponsored other people, but he I live on the top of a hill. Alright?

It's 2.5 miles from the bottom of the hill to the top of my hill. Alright? This guy was so desperate to be around me. I would come home from work. He didn't have a license because he lost his license.

And, I would come home from work, and he would be on my front porch, rode his bike 15 miles from town to my hill, and then drove 2 and a half miles up on his bike. And and that's the willingness of a broken man to find a solution. You know? Now he's 7 years sober. He's got a baby boy.

You know, he's married. He's sponsoring people. He's an active member of our home group. These are things. And it so I never really had to think about my wife being gone for 6 months because I didn't have time to think about it.

Here was a man who needed help. Constant thought of others. You know? That's what we do. And how great that is that that god has given us a gift, so I take all my problems, everything that's happened to me in my life, and it no longer becomes a problem.

It becomes an asset. You know, my greatest difficulty becomes my greatest asset no matter how far down the rung you can go. I'll share one with you. And, it was a very painful time for me, and I don't believe that if I wasn't willing to do this, I don't think I would I don't I would've learned this lesson. I was molested as a kid.

Alright? I don't talk about it a lot, but I don't shy away from it. It's just a fact that happened to me. Alright? A family member molested me.

I that ate me up. I lived with that for many years. The rage was, very powerful. The process of Alcoholics Anonymous, the 12 steps, allowed me to get to a place of freedom, to a state of forgiveness. Alright?

So I'm doing work in the prison system. Well, you know what's inside the prison system? People who molest their children. But you know really what's in the prison system? Alcoholics, and I work with alcoholics.

And so this guy, I was doing this 12 step group, I was taking guys through the process. That's what I do in the in the prison system. I I just take them through the steps. You know? I I introduced them to a god, and this guy came to me, and I knew his crime.

I was about 7, 8 years sober. I knew his crime, and I did not like his crime. And to be honest with you, I really did not like him, but that was attached to his crime. In the truth, in the final analysis, that's really where it was. And he came up to me, and he said to me, I would really like to go through the 12 steps.

I really wanna be free, and I see what's going on here. Can I get in your group? And I, I didn't say yeah at that moment. I said, I'll have to pray about that. I'll talk to you next week.

I'm not proud of that. I think it would be different today, And I took that in the prayer for a week. I actually took it in the 1st day and knew what the answer was, but I wasn't going back for a week, so I had to suffer with that fact that I had actually walked away from a man, turned my back on a broken man. And what I really learned as I started to sponsor this guy and take him through that process was that while I still despise the crime, I can love the man. And what the real freedom was, while I thought I was free of the anger that I had towards this individual who molested me, I truly hadn't.

And until I walked this man through this process, was I truly able to get to a state of forgiveness? And the freedom. If I had not been willing to help this man, I believe today that I would have still had hung on to some of that pain and some of that anger, and my spiritual growth would have been limited. But as a result of my willingness to help others, because I was taught that's what we do, I was able to get freer than I thought I was. You know, the stories, the the stories about, a man who walked into my life, a man who, I'll tell you this story because this is this is really what this is about, you know, sharing our experience with working with others.

This guy walked into my life, and I knew it as soon as he came into meeting. I knew this man and I are gonna we're gonna somehow, we're gonna meet. And he was one of those guys. He had tattoos all down, his knuckles, you know, he had f u tattooed on the inside of his lip. I think that's a good sign of an angry man, and and he had heard about me.

He just got a rehab, and someone had sent him to this meeting to meet me. And, I walked right up to him after the meeting. I said, hey. Yeah. I haven't seen you around here.

My name is Brian. He said, yeah. I've been meaning to meet you. He says, my name is Ron. I said, hey.

What's you know? So we started talking. I said, well, come over my house. We'll have some coffee, and we started talking. I became his sponsor, and, he'd been in and out of AA, in and out of in and out of prison.

You know? And this is the type of guy he was. His what his, sister was murdered by her, husband in a domestic violence incident, and his dad was shot during the same incident. And he was so angry, so full of rage that this at this guy that had killed his sister, that in a in a drunk, he had robbed a local liquor store, so he would go to prison and kill this guy. I think that describes rage at a level that's beyond my conception.

And so he started to go through this process, and he was willing to do anything, and then as we started to, as we start as he was reading this 4 step to me and he got to this gentleman, I resent so and so. He killed my sister, affected this, this, and this. What's my part? I'm unwilling to forgive. You know?

The lie I tell myself, the dishonesty I tell myself is that I can't I I must revenge my sister's death. And so he got to this he got to this truth that he was gonna either face this inevitable decision that he was gonna he must forgive this man. And this trouble that he had and that I had is I think forgiveness means I'm accepting their behaviors, and that's really not what it means. Forgiveness is to be free. And he's he's now this is a hard man.

This is a very hard man, and he's in my office, and we're reading, and he starts to break down and starts to cry. And I look up at him and I say, let me ask you a question, Ron. I say, if if I get you cleared to go in the main state prison and you go in there as a member of Alcoholics Anonymous, and this man walks into that meeting on Sunday morning. What are you gonna do? And he says, I will, I will walk up to him, and I will hug him, and I will welcome him to Alcoholics Anonymous.

This is a man who won who was willing to go to prison to kill him. And I'm gonna tell you right now, I felt and I felt the presence of god many times in my life. But at that time, the room got really cool. I felt this flow. I felt this peace that god was in that room with me that day.

And so what if I so what? If I wasn't there, if I wasn't willing to help people, I would never had got to experience that. That would have never been something in my mind. And the power of working with others, it just builds. I mean, these guys probably have tons more stories than I, because I'm just a baby in this, but as we work with others, as we watch the life, as we see the light go on, as we see lives rebuild, those are experiences.

My life was nothing but bad experiences. I had a whole life of just bad experiences, and they've been totally removed and filled with of of visions of joy. You know, The vision for you, the chapter vision for you, as we start to talk about that, as I watch as I watch what's going on and it's funny when when when Myers talked about Iceland, see, I hadn't heard I'm in Maine. We're very, like, separated from the rest of we're not even really considered part of the United States, to be honest with you. We're really considered Canadians, but, so we're kind of, you know, I mean, I speak occasionally, but I hadn't heard about Iceland.

Right? So when when I was asked, I I called Don, and I was talking to Don. I said, well, what's going on there? He says, oh, it's unbelievable. It's it's the fastest growth of big book I've ever witnessed or been part of or heard about.

And I started talking to other people, and and when he when he said that, like I had this vision as I as I sit in this room, as I sat there last night, as I went on the the the ride with in the in the van, on the bus yesterday, as I got to witness this this enthusiasm for the real message of Alcoholics Anonymous, the truth. You know? That it isn't, a pick and choose. This is about life and death. You know?

And as I I I can only imagine and I know I because you know what? I I experienced the same thing. I experienced 3 people sitting together reading a big book 10 years ago in my house, and then a week later, 5 people, and then word starts to spread, and then there's 8, and then there's 10, and pretty soon there's 20 of us. And then it's crystal clear that we gotta get a church because we can't have it just in the house because people aren't coming because they don't feel like they're invited. So then we get a church, and then pretty soon there's 30 and then there's 40 and then there's 50.

And then there's the opposite side of that. There's people saying we're, big book thumpers. We're Nazis. We're this. We're that.

All that stuff that happens when people start standing up for what they believe. See, my sponsor said, hey. Either you stand for something or you'll kneel for anything. So what are you gonna stand for? Well, this program saved my life.

See, I I didn't have, you know, Meyer's experience of 7 years in the fellowship getting a middle road solution. I had 1 year, 2 weeks, and I drank. And I'm crystal clear that when someone walks in that door, I don't know how much time they have in this fellowship without an answer. It may be a day, It may be a week. It may be 15 years.

I don't know. But are we willing to risk people's lives to soft pedal something? I have have no problem talking about God. Old timers in my area did not like it when we started talking about God. Oh, you're too heavy on the God thing.

I'm like, well, that's what this program is about. This is a spiritual solution. Why am I gonna sell something that's not why am I gonna be dishonest? This is a spiritual solution to a spiritual malady. This isn't you go to 90 meetings in 90 day and your life will get better.

Heck, man. You know what? I'm an alcoholic. If I don't have something in, you know, if I don't have when when Kip and I were talking about that, the the promises see, Alcoholics Anonymous has done slowly for me what booze used to do quickly. Alright?

And I have a low, low threshold for emotional pain. I used to think I was a tough guy. Right? That was a lie, you know. I'm soft.

I you know, I'll share this because my wife well, she won't hear this because it's probably gonna be taped, but, I know you guys get American Idol. It's, you know, it's I don't watch a lot of TV, but American Idol came on, and, and and if you never watch it, this won't mean anything to you. But this girl Kelly Clarkson won. And, I don't know why, and I but I started to get a little teary eyed around that. And I'm like, my wife looks over at me.

She goes, you're crying at Kelly Clarkson with American Idol. What is wrong with you? And I'm like, you know, up until I was a 30 year old man, I shut down. At the age of 11, I shut down. I never shed a tear.

Never. And when I went to prison, it was even worse, man. I couldn't show I couldn't show weakness, so I just stuffed it all down, you know, and I just when I got sober, when I was awakened spiritually and they laugh about it. Even to this day, there are stories in Tucson. They used to call on me, and this is after I'd been through the process and I had been awakened spiritually.

They used to call on me on purpose just to hear me cry because I was so enthused about this program that they would say, well, what does Brian have to say about it? And I'm like, and then, you know, snot would come flying out. You know? I was so, like, it was so I was so grateful to have a message and some hope. It was amazing.

And and I know they did it every time. You know, they'd wait till the end of the meeting because that you know, you get emotional. I mean, this is real stuff. This is life and death. You know, I've buried people in alcoholics anonymous.

You know, this is something I'll share with you if you're newly sponsoring people. There's gonna be pain. You know, I try to shut it down. I don't get too emotionally attached, but I'm a human being. I love my I love people, man.

I this guy, his name was Tim, and, and I don't think I could share this without getting emotional just because, this is one of those times when I had sponsored Tim. He was a chronic slipper and he came to our group. He was like, we used to get in early in our early group, we'd get all the chronic slippers because they were, like, desperate, and they'd kind of wore out everybody else in the community. And these were real alcoholics that would come to the meeting drunk. Other meetings would be, like, appalled.

Right? They come to our meeting, and we want them drunk. I'm you know, we had guys pass out in my meeting with the big book, you know, fall in their big buck, and then the people who hadn't been part of my group would come up and whisper and say, I think Tim's drunk. I'm like, yeah. He is drunk, but it's a good place for him.

You know? And so Tim asked me to sponsor him, and I said, okay. This is what we do. And I taught him how to be a member of Alcoholics Anonymous like my sponsor taught me. And I started to take him through the steps, and he started to have awakenings, and he had a wife.

Right? And he got a he got a house. Well, Well, you know what he failed to do? He failed to continue on. See, this isn't a 5th 5 step program or a 7 step program or a 9 step program.

This is a 12 step program. And he stopped making amends. He didn't wanna make any more amends. And I'd say, you know, if you don't make amends, if you don't follow through with that, you you're there's a good chance that you'll drink again. Good chance that you'll drink again.

And sure enough, 18 months sober, he started drinking. And he was never to get sober again except for pockets of it, And this is for, like, 3 or 4 years. And his daughter was born, and his wife left, and it was back and forth back and forth. I got a phone call. Hey.

Tim's in the hospital. He tried to kill himself. He drove his truck into a riverbed. And the only reason they found him, he shouldn't have been found, that but someone's the mirror had caught someone's eye as he drove over the bridge, and he stopped. And he went and looked at him.

And Tim was in this truck, And it was like March, and the water's icy cold in Maine in March. And the only reason that he didn't die and bleed to death was he was jammed into his truck and he was bleeding from his legs was that the cold water had stopped his bleeding. And I went and visited him in the hospital, and it was just me and Tim. And I said, hey, Tim. Good to see you.

And he was like, I'm so glad to see you, Brian. And so we talked, and, I went and saw him every day until he got out. And I said, if you want help, I'm here for you. And, he got out. He really didn't want help.

He wanted me to be something more, and I couldn't be what he wanted. I couldn't be his god, you know? You have to have your own god, you can't have my god. I can introduce you to your own god, but you gotta have your own. And about a year and a half later, I was sitting around, and Tim had been in and out, in and out, and I got a phone call.

He was a 33 year old man. His daughter was 2 years old. And, this friend of ours called me and said, Tim's dead. And I remember looking at my wife, and I picked the phone up and I threw it across the room. And I said, I'm not doing this anymore.

You know? I'm not getting close to people. Everything in my soul, just done. And my wife loves me enough, and she's been part of my growth enough to let me vent. I went out.

I have 15 acres of blueberry fields, and I went out and, you know, got quiet. And, and I was serious. I'm like, man, it's too painful. I love this man. And I came back in, and my wife just you know?

She didn't she just touched me on the shoulder, and she said, you know, that's not that's not that's really not reality. And I knew it. Just, you know, what's your option? You know, not to be here for others because one man wasn't willing to do what's necessary to recover. He says this is what happens.

And, and I I knew at that moment that there's no way I could turn my back on this program or the people in it, that I had to just feel that pain of loving a man so much, you know, and, I went to his funeral. And I was I was angry at some of the people that were at his funeral because they were those are some of the people that were offering them a middle of the road solution. You know? That you didn't have to do what Brian does. You don't have to do the big book.

You don't have to do this. And they had the gall to come to his funeral. And I sat in the back, and I was like, this didn't have to happen. You know? If you'd walked up to every man in our community and everybody was united in the message that we carry, it may things may have been different, you know.

But because other people were offering a middle road solution, You know, if a guy's telling you you don't have to make amends, you don't have to do that. You know what? Maybe you don't wanna do that. I didn't have any choice. And, his mother came up, and she said things that just rocked my world.

She said, you know, Tim's dad had died when he was 33 of alcoholism, And Tim was 33, and all Tim had ever said his whole life was he wasn't gonna be like his dad. And I looked over at his wife and his 2 year old daughter and realized he just was just like his dad. You know? And so while there's good times, there's hard times. You know?

You can't get in the middle of this deal and not feel the emotions of good and bad, of watching people not accept god's grace and go a different way. But But on the flip side, you get to watch you get to come to Iceland and watch people on fire. You know? A lot of people that in my community who don't choose to work with others, don't wanna get in the middle of this, they don't get to come to Iceland and talk about this stuff. They don't get to meet the people that I get to meet.

And so this power that flows through us must, you know, must. It cannot stop. You know? And I've met god's children, and I meet them on a daily basis. I met them this weekend.

I've met some new friends, and, and I continue. This isn't an option for me. This isn't like, well, I got mine. I'll see you later. When I fly in on Monday, a guy that I sponsor will pick me up at the airport in Boston, and we'll go have dinner.

I'll drive home and probably have 20 messages from knuckleheads I sponsor. On Tuesday, my daughter will be 3 years old. I'll do a, we have a 3 o'clock tea party. And, Wednesday morning, I'll be in the prison talking to men I love. And, and this is what we do.

And to watch it grow up, to what to to sit back and some of you probably already witnessed it. To look back and say, oh my god. This is amazing. Like, where there was only one small pocket, there is now huge. I mean, Maine, if any of you guys ever come to fellowship of the spirit, Northeast Fellowship of the Spirit, which is a big book weekend, you're gonna see 500 people from the New England area.

There was 2 100, 300 initially, and it builds and it builds. Guys I sponsor, then they go off and they start sponsoring people. You could draw a list. You know, when I was in, when I was in coming out of prison, they drew this chart about my victims. Okay?

So I had these 4 bank tellers, and then they have family members, and they have family members. And then they were trying to instill upon me the damage that I had done, and they did a good job. It was therapeutic stuff. But you know what? It showed me the truth, you know, my mom, my dad, my brother, my girlfriend, my friends.

So this huge graph of all the people that my alcoholism had affected. Well, you know what? You flip that chart over and talk about my sponsor sponsored me. He gave me a message, the real message of Alcoholics Anonymous. I sponsor, say, like, these 10 guys.

These 10 guys sponsor these 10 guys. These sponsor these next thing you know, there's 1,000 of people's lives who are affected. So while one life imposes nothing but destruction, the flip side of my life can impose nothing but kindness and love and hope. And that's the journey we're on, united in the same message. That as a result of these 12 steps as are outlined in this big book, I will have a spiritual awakening and the obsession to drink alcohol will be removed.

And as long as I stay in fit spiritual condition, I will stay that way. And so when I come up when I went up to that man who said he had a spiritual experience, he just had it, I went up to him and said, so let me ask you a question. I don't doubt that you had a spiritual experience, but how do you pass that on? Because I can pass my spiritual awakening on. How do you pass yours on?

Is it a hope that maybe they'll have what you have? Because if you're a real alcoholic, that's a death wish. So this is about people's lives, and, and so, yeah, I get passionate. You know? Yeah.

I get on my soapbox occasionally. It's an American term for being, sometimes, speaking down. I try not to do it. Love and tolerance of others becoming my code that in the 10th step, it talks about we grow in understanding and effectiveness. As I start to understand people more, even people who are what I consider polluting our message, as I start to understand them more, I become much more effective with those people.

Because while, in the beginning, when I was really passionate about what I care and I'm still passionate, but I was passionate in a way that was, not as loving and kind as could have been. Alright? Now I would still attract a certain group of people. Usually, the sickest would come my way because they know there's an answer, but what I was not reaching was people who were kinda on the fence. And as I started to apply some spirit around this, that, okay, maybe I don't have to speak at people.

Maybe I can I can still speak my truth? I can still be passionate. I could because people watch my actions more than anything. I mean, words are words, but what are your actions? And so I started having a a sense of kindness and love, And what happened is people in my community who were a lot sober than I was, well, a lot more time and sobriety more than I was, would start to come up to me and say, hey.

I've been watching you for 5 or 6 years, and, I'm sponsoring people, but I really don't know what to do. Because what Myers said is so true. You know how tired it is to try to be someone's banker? I mean, I have limited experience in the banking industry. It's it was a dismal failure at best.

You know? Like, I don't know how to have I'm not a marriage counselor. I don't know how to have a sick relationship. No experience with a sick relationship now. You know?

I know how to have a loving relationship. I haven't raised my voice above this level to my wife in 8 years. I don't argue with my wife. Like, we have disagreements, but we don't raise our voices at each other. We don't I don't yell at my wife.