The Saturday Nite Live SE in Garfield Heights, OH

My sobriety date is January 5, 1997. I moved to the Baxter Group, and I got a sponsor. His name is Walt. When I came here, I was told to go to meetings every night, and I'd go and I'd sit and I'd listen, and I'd think, you know, I'd be listening to you guys. And after a while, I'd be like, man, I I really like what I'm hearing, and I want what you guys have.

And I and I wanna do that, and, and it sounded so cool. And I I'd go home. My sponsor, he told me to call him every night, and I get home. Right after a meeting, I'd call this guy. He'd be like, did you go to a meeting?

I'd be like, yeah. Did you sit up in front? Yeah. You listen to the read? Yeah.

What'd the guy say? Then I'd be like, I can't remember. You know? I just couldn't remember nothing when I was new. But but I remember a couple of things, and the most basic thing I heard really early on was this one guy said that it's so simple what we do here.

He said, you get a sobriety date and you keep it. Like, just no matter what, just don't pick up that first drink and you never have to change that sobriety date. Just get a sobriety date and keep it. You know? I mean, that's all we do here.

It's so basic. One day at a time, we don't pick up the first drink. You know? And today, you know, I mean, today, I wanna keep my sobriety date. I and I did what I was supposed to do today.

I don't know, man. I, there's a there's a guy here from my neighborhood that I used to drink with. And, when we were young, we had a lot of fun, you know, but, I I tell you, at the end, it just wasn't fun no more. And I I, and I didn't wanna live the life I was living, and and there was nothing I could do about it. I just didn't think there was no way I could change it.

I I couldn't stop drinking. You know? I'm an alcoholic. I can't stop drinking. I can't stop drinking on my own.

I just can't do it. You know? That was so frustrating for me when my life was really just bad at the end, and everything was bad about it. And I didn't like it, and I didn't wanna do it no more, and I just couldn't stop it. I just didn't think there was no any other way.

You know? I mean, it was, like, the only way I knew. And, doc on it. You know? If I didn't end up here and, one day at a time, you know, I mean, it works.

So, like, you guys that are new here tonight, just, like, stay here. Give us a sobriety day and keep it. And then, like, it it really works, and my life's really good today. I grew up over here. I grew up down on in Cleveland on East 71st Street.

You know? And I got a had a mom and a dad, and I have 2 older brothers, and I have a twin sister. And so growing up, I didn't know it at the time, but I I I know what resentment is. You know? I always thought, like, this my sister, like, she's the only girl.

I always thought she got, like, better presents than me, you know, at Christmas and stuff, and and I'd always be mad about that. You know? And she was always smarter. She got better grades, but, you know, she did her homework. You know?

And I never did that either. And and I and I had resentments as a kid. I got a guy talk a couple weeks ago at my home group, and he talked about how he learned to lie because he got away He learned that if he lied, he could escape consequences. And when he said that, I thought to myself, you know, that's what I used to think too. You know, that's what I used to think when I was a kid.

And when I lied, I I got out of things, and I escaped them. What I know today is that, you know, I didn't escape nothing because that stuff always stayed up there. It always stayed inside me. And so, like, the guilt of knowing that I lied or, like, if I get caught later on or if I'd have to lie later on to get out of the lie that I told. And then at the end of my drinking, it was just lie, lie, lie, lie, lie all the time.

You know? But I learned to do that when I was a kid, and I was scared. I I just fearful. When I didn't know something, I I just hated looking stupid. You know?

And I hated trying new things, and I just was just had this, like, anxiety, anxious kinda inside fear kinda thing going on. You know? And when I got to be about, I don't know, teen eds, I used to think it was like I was older, but the other day, I thought about once when I was probably in 5th, 6th grade, 7th grade, or something. And by then, I already knew what alcohol could do to me because we were at somebody's house after school, and, and there was a bottle there. We were getting into the guy's, parents' liquor cabinet.

And, you know, and I drank a lot, and I got really drunk. And, and, god, I couldn't have been you know, how old is that? 11, 12, something like that. So by, like, that time already, I I knew what alcohol could do for me, and I loved it. I loved what alcohol could do to me.

And I was surrounded by people, like, my whole life growing up, my parents, the people in the neighborhood. I had good teachers. I had coaches. I was active in sports. I had all all these people trying to teach me how to live life on life's terms, how to give me give me, tools to live with.

And, you know, boy, when I found alcohol, I just I just loved it. And, like, who cared about having to learn all this other stuff? You know? It was a lot easier just to, like, put on a buzz and just forget about everything. And I learned that when I was a kid, and I loved it.

I loved it. And I I love the big book in in the big book when Bill Wilson starts talking about when he started drinking. I think it's in Bill's story. He talks about, like, forming the habit. You know?

And with me, the habit was formed when I was I was young. And I and I went on through life. You know? And and as I went through high school and I when I first got to high school, I was an honors student, and I was in, you know, active in sports, like I said. And, you know, by the time I was getting out of high school, I I wasn't an honors student.

I, you know, I wasn't playing, like, all the sports anymore. When I was in high school, my father passed away. He had been sick a long time. And I remember that. I was in the hospital when it happened, and my mom was by his his bedside and, and, my sister and one of my brothers were by by my mom's side.

And I was over by the window, and I was thinking, you know, way to go, god. You know, some god you are, and, you know, what am I supposed to do now? And, and what about me? And in the big book, when it talks about, alcoholism and it says that self centeredness and selfishness is the root of our problem. And and when I look back at my life today, you know, I can see that when I was 16 years old already.

You know, I was about putting distance between me and my family. I was isolating myself, and it was all about me. You know, it was all about me. And it was like, you know, this is like a a real tragedy for my family and and for my mom and, you know, everyone else, but I just thought it was like some personal thing with god against me. And it's like I had it's not like I stopped believing in God or anything, but I just didn't think he would have anything to do with me.

You know? Just didn't think I could ever have that, like, a personal relationship with him ever. And I and I go through life with that that attitude. You know? It's all about me.

I'm gonna drink, to get away from to escape. You know? I'm gonna, you know, isolate myself from my family. And and that's how my life, went. I I went away to college for a year, and I didn't do very good.

I didn't you know, I average. I partied a lot, and I hung out with the people that partied. I ended up coming home. Boy, when I got back here, you know, my friends were working from high school, and, they all had stuff. So I got a job, and I went out, and I got a bunch of stuff.

You know, I wanted what they had. They looked pretty happy. So, so I went out. I got a job. I got a car.

I bought a my first car, a 1967 Ford Fairlane really clean. I bought a, a Fender Stratocaster electric guitar, and I bought this black leather jacket with, like, all these zippers and, studs and stuff. I was, like, an 18 years old. You know? A skinny little guy.

And I was like, I have arrived, man. I was, like, so psyched. You know? I mean, this was gonna be my year, you know, because now I'm all set up. You know?

And I and I would I discovered all the bars down there, Fleet Avenue, Broadway, Polish Club, just just drink all the time. I worked 2nd shift, 2 to 10:30, paradise. Get out at 10:30. I'd be in the bar by 11, close them up every night. You know?

And I was, like, 19 years old. I was 19 years old. And I and I'm pretty lazy. I don't like working. So after about a year, I was working 2nd shift.

You know? But I'd go down to the Agora, and, on Thursday night was college ID night. And I'd have to pay, I don't know, like, $2 or something, $3 to get in. And, like, all these kids are getting in for free. So so I went back to college so I could get an ID.

And, so I can get in for free. And, and I started going back to school, and I got laid off, and I liked that. And I went to school for a bunch of years and and, you know, by in the eighties. You know? I mean, I had no direction in my life.

I mean, I just didn't like to work, and that's why I went to school. I like to drink a lot, you know, and so I can hang out in the bars all the time. And, you know, I would go to spring break, and my by this time, my oldest brother lived in New Orleans, so I'd be going down there for, Mardi Gras and, you know, Kentucky Derby's and and just, like, wherever there was, like, some kind of party going on, that's where I would try to be. You know? And just no direction, no career kind of path, family, nothing.

Just just I just wanted to party. You know? I ended up graduating and, like, you know, bouncing around, and I was in the bar one day. And my friend's older brother was there, and he asked me if I wanted to be an insurance underwriter. And I didn't even know what it was, but I asked him, like, what were the hours and and what he paid.

And they it was, like, 9 to 5 working in an office Monday through Friday. I was like, fine. I'll I'll do that. And so I get this job, and I got to dress up. And, you know, then I'm really thinking now I've really arrived.

You know? And I'd come into the bars down there on Fleet, and I'd be like, I'll get everybody a drink. You know, Diamond John's in the house. You know? Get everyone.

And, you know, like it says in the book, I made a I made a host of fair weather, friends. You know, I made almost a I knew all kind of people, and and it was just, like, always about the party for me. I ended up after a few years, I got a little house down there in the neighborhood. You know, every now and then, I could, kinda, like, you know, save my money and and, you know, put together, like, a couple of good months and and get a car or something. But for the most part, you know, I had a decent job, and I'm living paycheck to paycheck all the time.

I asked them to be my sponsor, but I I would I learned how to play utility roulette. And that's where you're you're paying the one that they're gonna cut off that month, and you try to pay 1 a month and keep them all at the same time. You know? Started missing house payments right away. Started learning that it was kinda normal to live with, you know, 3 out of 4 utilities on.

And that's how my life would go. And I was at this job for, like, six and a half years. And and in the, and in the big book, when it talks about the real alcoholic in there and it describes him. And one of the things it says is that he, you know, builds up a promising career for himself and his family, then he pulls it pulls it down on his head in in a series of senseless sprees. And after six and a half years, I went from being an underwriter trainee to, like, handling the biggest accounts in this in this, office for this company.

And it was a really good job, and I had a really good job. And six and a half years, I'm sitting across from my boss and his boss, and they got this file, and it's on me. And it's in black and white, and it's like all the days I missed, the times I called in sick, the times, you know, I called in to take a vacation day, all the work I missed. And I'm sitting across from them and I'm thinking, like, you know, don't they know who don't don't they know who they're talking to? You know, don't they know who I am?

Don't they know I got potential? You know? And I always say that about the potential because, like, when I came to AA, and I was here, like, a week. Yeah. I mean, at one of my first meetings, some guy gets up to make a comment, and he goes to the lead.

He goes, potential. He goes, all that means is you haven't done shit yet. And, when he said that, I was just like, ow. Ow. I was like, man, that's that's how I live my life.

You know? I mean, that's what I would do is I would you know, we talk about, like, the 3 inning ball player, and that would be me. I could come in and make a good impression and dress up and and, like, look good for a little bit of time, but I can never sustain every anything. I couldn't I couldn't stay focused on anything. And it was only a matter of time before I was found out.

You know? And then I'd have to lie. And then then all that stuff started would start building up inside. You You know? Then I ended up quitting that job.

And then I go through, like, a couple of jobs in a couple of years. And, by this time, I got roommates coming in and out and, people coming into my out of my house. And, you know, I mean, it was just it was a mess. You know, I there's, like, a path between, like, all the garbage from the back door to the front room, and, like, all the curtains are closed and everything and just like garbage, newspapers, pizza boxes, beer cans, like, everywhere, just everywhere. It was horrible.

Couldn't let my friends come over anymore. Couldn't see my friends anymore, my family. Didn't want nothing to do with them. And I'd be trying to dress up and go to work and, you know, I looked by a cock. And and I ended up with another job.

And I was at this place for, like, 8 or 9 months. And, you know, I I mean, even the bars were, like, cutting me off from my bar tabs and stuff. And, it was just it was just horrible. It was this time of the year It was this time of the year in 96, and I ended up ended up at this place and and the same thing. You know, my boss, the director of human resources, they called me in.

They got the file. It's on me. Same story. You know, every place I've been in between there and then, missing days, not calling in, not showing up, look like heck. And this time, these guys are like, we think you got a problem.

And in my mind, I'm like, you know, I got a problem. And I know there's insurance, and I know I can get help. And all I gotta do is say yes. I got a problem, and I can get help. And and they're like, well, what are you thinking?

I go and I'm thinking, you know, I got a problem. I can get help. And and they asked me, what are you thinking? I open up my mouth, and what comes out is, I ain't got no problem. You guys are the problem.

And if you'd only stay off my back or pay me more money, you know, then we wouldn't have any of these problems. We wouldn't have to be here. You know? Let me get back and go to work. And, and they didn't believe me.

And, that made me yeah. You know, I was pretty mad about that. They got me on the phone with a counselor at this, you know, treatment center down the street. And, and after about 10 minutes, she's asking if I wanted to go to a hospital for to get detoxed. You know?

And I was like, I'm not that bad. You know? No. I don't need that. And, but they got me into an outpatient thing, an intensive outpatient treatment program.

And it was 3 nights a week for 3 hours a night. And the 1st day I was there, they gave me a big book. They gave me a meeting schedule. They told me I'd have to go to meetings. I'd have to get phone numbers.

I'd have to call somebody and get a sponsor. I'd have to go through that book and work the steps. I mean, the first 10 minutes I was in treatment, they told they laid it out for me exactly what I was gonna have to do. And and it turns out that's when I started doing that thing. I you know, I've been sober.

But then they gave me these 2 pamphlets, 1 on alcoholism and 1 on cocaine addiction. And they said, go read these tonight, and I did that. And after I read those, I was like, well, shoot. I understand this so well. I mean, I got it now.

I I don't need to do any of that other stuff, and I didn't. I didn't do anything they said. You know? And on January 1st when, one of my friend called and, said, come on. Let's go out.

Let's get a couple of beers. And I said, oh, I can't. You know? I'm I'm in treatment now, but, okay. We'll just go for a couple of beers.

You know? And I never read the book. You know? I never went to go to any meetings. I didn't know you you know, in the doctor's opinion, it talks about it it talks about this phenomena of craving that happens, like, when we put alcohol in our system.

And it happens to me, and I didn't know nothing about it. Today, I can look back and see it, like, perfectly. You know, I just went out for a couple of beers. And the next thing I know, it's, you know once again, it's 3, 4 in the morning. You know, I'm getting home.

I'm trying to go to work. I gotta go back to this group thing. Now I'm saying nothing because I'm scared, and I'd lie. And I don't wanna get thrown out of that group. And, and right before they let us go home, we had to leave them a sample that they were gonna test.

And, and I went home. That was a Friday night, and I went home for the weekend thinking, you know, I'm busted. And and the thing that was going through my head was that I was gonna get thrown out of that group. They were gonna fire me from work. You know, I had already filed bankruptcy to save, like, the house that I had.

The house I got was built by my great grandparents or grandparents or someone. It's been in my family forever. So I'm like, well, my family is not gonna have anything to do with me, so they're gonna toss me out. I'm gonna have nowhere to go. And, I'm gonna be stuck all alone, and and, I'm not gonna have nothing.

And that's what I was thinking when I went home from that, group that weekend. And I'm an alcoholic. And I'll tell you, it hurt, and I didn't like the way I felt. And I couldn't stop my mind from racing, just thinking and thinking, how am I gonna get out of this? And what am I gonna do?

And what am I gonna say? And and, now I'm an alcoholic, and and I I got no skills or tools or nothing to deal with this. I don't know how. I haven't been going to meetings. You know, I haven't been praying.

I don't know nothing. And I do what I always do. I go out to get drunk, you know. And, that last time I went out to get drunk, just I couldn't stop it. I couldn't stop my mind.

No matter how much I drank, no matter how much I used that night, that next day, I just could not stop that tape from playing over and over and over again, you know. And it was that, you know, the little prayer, God help me, you know. And I ended up staying sober for a day, and I went back to that meeting. And I didn't say nothing, and I lied. And they called me on it, and I lied.

And, this the nice counselor is like, John, you're sugarcoating things. John, you're whitewashing things. Oh, John, you're lying. You know? And, she's asking me why I did it.

And, and meanwhile, the other counselor that was mean, because she was in AA and she was sober for 10 years. She just celebrated 10 years. And she went to meetings, and she had a sponsor. You know, she worked the steps, and she's sitting up to the side. We're in this, you know, in the group, in a circle, and right in the middle of it, she just, like, does this little sarcastic kinda laugh.

And all she says is your life's in shambles. And the way she said it was just there was, like, no emotion to it. It was just, I don't know. What I heard was the truth. You know?

What I heard was the truth. And and in my mind, this little thought, like, shoots through there that says everyone knows but you, and that hurt. And I didn't like to hear that. And I'll tell you, I know why today because I read the book. And in the book, it says that more than anything, the alcoholic loves to lead the double life.

And I gotta tell you, when I was at work and I'd be all dressed up in a suit and these people I'd be working with would be talking about their retirement plans and exercising cholesterol and whatever, I'd be sitting there thinking, like, what a bunch of squares these people are. I got it going on because I can go out and run the streets all night and still make it to work. You know? And, then I'd be out running the streets all night with these guys, and I'd be thinking like, what a bunch of crumbums. These guys don't even have jobs.

You know? What am I doing with these guys? You know? And I'm thinking I'm always thinking. See?

That's my problem. I'm always thinking, and I'm thinking I got I'm just getting over on all these people. And when that thought shot through my head that said everyone knows but you and that was the truth, I was just like, man, that just deflated me, you know. I was crushing. And my sponsor says, you know, pride bust an ego deflating program.

That's what we do here, you know. And so I'm walking out of that meeting, and I'm like, I don't know what I'm gonna do. I can't stop. I can't stop drinking. And this girl that was sober and that was in that group, she's sober, like, 2 weeks.

She goes, well, duh. You know, of course, you can't stop. She goes, we stop. You know, we admitted we are powerless. It's a we thing.

She goes, you gotta come to a meeting with us. And I'm like, I can't. You know, my car has broke down. You know, I was just, you know, whining and just whiny. So whiny.

And, she's like, well, you made it here tonight and, just come here tomorrow. We're we're all going to a meeting. And and I got there the next night, and all these people that were sober, like, a week or two weeks took me to a meeting. And we get to this meeting, and this guy gets up and he's talking and he's talking and he's talking. And at one point, he goes, you know, all my life, it was like I was fighting.

I was fighting everybody and everything. It was like I was swimming upstream, you know. And finally, I just got too tired. I just couldn't fight nothing no more, and I just had to throw up my hands and just go with that current and let that current take me. You know?

And he goes, and that's like what it is with God's will. You just gotta surrender and throw up your hands and just let let the current take you. You know? And I identified with this guy. I identified with the part about being so tired.

I just didn't wanna fight nothing no more. I was, like, so tired. I was just like, whatever, you know? Whatever. And these guys that were sober, like, a couple of weeks, they started taking me to meetings.

And they're walking around, and they got, like, little books. You know, they're getting phone numbers. I don't even have a book. You know? I have, like, a sheet of paper, and I'm just, like, shuffling along after them, like, getting phone numbers.

You know? And these counselors are on me. They're like, you gotta get a sponsor. So I called this guy, you know, that guy who talked about the utility roulette thing because I identified with that. And I'm like, you know, the counselor say I need a sponsor, and he's like, yeah, whatever.

He's like, well, he's like, go to a meeting every day. Call me every night, and we'll see how it goes. You know? He goes, but write this down. He says, it says in a big book and how it works.

It says, when you want what we have and you're willing to go to any length to get it, then you're ready to take certain steps. And he goes, what do we have what do we have that you want that you'd be willing to go to any length to get? As soon as he says that, I just I just go, a big screen TV. And he goes, what? And I go, man, I was at this meeting last night, and this guy, he said he got a big screen TV because he's sober.

I'm like, that's what I want. And he was like, dude, man. He's like, just write it down and, like, put it in your wallet. You know? It's like, man, just, you know, just think about these things.

And, so that's what I did, and I started going to meetings. You know? And I started going to meetings, like, every day. And he'd always, like, be on me. He'd be like, you gotta sit in the front row.

He's like, you're never gonna pay attention for an hour anyway. But if you're in the front row, you'll be facing the right direction when you come to. You know? And I and I'd get all mad. And he'd always be trying to give me I'd say something, and he'd like he'd be like, get you know, go back out.

Finish the job. Come back when you're serious. And I'd get so mad at this guy. I'd see him out at this meeting, and I still see him. It's tonight.

So I won't see him tonight, but, but on Saturdays, I see him and, still I'd I'd drive out. It's in Willoughby and I'd be driving home and I'd be so mad at this guy. I'd be so mad at him and I'd be like, that's it. You know, I'm gonna stay sober just to come back. He doesn't think I'm gonna stay sober.

I'd be like thinking I cannot believe this guy that he doesn't think I'm serious, you know. I'm serious. I'm staying here. That's it. And, I'd get so mad at that guy.

You know, and one day, I was walking home from a meeting and it was cold, so it still had to be pretty early, because I got sober in January. It was still snowing and cold. And what I was thinking, what shot through my head was my mom and this was right before my father passed away, and she was yelling at me for, she had taken me aside. And she's like, you know, all he does is worry about you, and he's really sick. You know?

And what what I thought about was that I have what a horrible son I was because, you know, 20 years later, you know, there's this restless spirit up there that still has to worry about his 36 year old son. You know? And, now I was thinking about my mom, and, you know, she was up in her upper seventies at the time, and I'm thinking, like, she's gotta worry about me too, and that ain't right. You know? And I was thinking about, like, what a horrible son I was, but but I had gone to a couple meetings that day.

And after 1, the guy was talking about sharing his story, and and he tried to commit suicide at one point. And he called his mom and she said, you're in God's hands now. And she hung up the phone. And then after being sober for 5 years, he graduated from college, and his mom and dad were in the front row, and they were really proud of him. You know?

And I thought about the lady I heard had just came from the lead, and she was talking about her parents, and they had been sick and how her brother was there trying to take care of him. And he's running around, rushing around trying to get him stuff and, you know, can I get you anything? And they're like, no. It's okay because Penny's here now. And and the thought that came to me was that, you know, what you what you guys had was that you guys knew how to be good sons and good daughters, you know, and good, you know, brothers and sisters and stuff like that.

So you guys knew how to do that, and I didn't. You know, some guy got up here when I was new and he said, you can't think your way into a new way of acting, but you can act your way into a new way of thinking. And I had to do these things. And I had to watch you guys. And I thought, you know, when I heard that, I thought, okay, I can do that.

You know, I can do that. And, and I would try to do that, but I couldn't do it because I I didn't know how to be like a good son was. You know? And I had to come here to watch you guys to see how you guys did it so then I could copy you guys and do what you guys did. You know?

And and that's what I do today. You know, I don't drink and I go to meetings. You know, I heard this lady get up once when I was really new and she was sober a long time and she goes, yeah. I read my 24 hour book 3 times, 3rd time out loud every morning. Did it when I was new, still do it today.

And I start and I had somebody had given me a 24 hour book. So I started reading it, every morning, 3 times, 3rd time out loud. And then somebody said, you gotta get on your knees and and pray and ask God to keep you sober in the morning and and do it again at night. And, and and I always forget when I was new that I was supposed to do that, and, you know, I'd be laying in bed. It'd be nice and warm.

I'd be like, oh, yeah. I gotta pray. And I start praying, and then I'd be like, oh, wait. I'm supposed to be on my knees, and I have to get out of bed and get down there and and do it. But, you know, after about a week or so, this one day, I just felt something inside, and it wasn't like I was gonna get sick or have the dry heaves or anything.

It was like after a while, I was like, that feels good, you know, and I felt good doing it. And then I think for me that's really significant because the first time I really felt good in AA, you know, I didn't know what good was. I I couldn't identify with the feeling, you know. I didn't know what it was. But I liked it.

I knew that. I like feeling good and I like it today. And that's why I try to live my life like you guys taught me so I can feel good. You know, all the stuff I did, there's, like, new people here tonight. You know, there's, like, some effort and some work involved, working the steps, you know, calling a sponsor.

My sponsor, he told me to call him every night. You You know, I didn't just pick up the phone and call some strange guy that I didn't know and said, you know, hi. My name is John. I wanna talk about my feelings, you know. I mean, I didn't do that.

Mean, I called this guy every day for a year and talked about sports or the Browns or whatever. You know? I mean, it took a long time for me, but I did what I was told. You know? I didn't wanna go back.

You know? I wanted to stay here. And I'll tell you, after about a year and a half when I was, was, like, really hurting one day, before I knew anything, I was on the phone talking to this guy. I don't know how it happened because I knew how to dial this number. I just picked up the phone and called him because it's what you guys told me to do.

And it's a lot of work, but it's worth it. It's worth it because today my life is, like, really good. Like, my life is, like, really good. I just can't And I love getting up here and talking because it's like, you know, if you catch me, like, you know, 3 in the afternoon when I'm at work and my boss is yelling at me, I may not say my life is really good. You know?

But, like, when I think about it and when I get to share about it, it's like my life is good today. You know, my neighbors don't call the cops on me no more. My family, they want me around. You know, work doesn't wanna fire me. I got a dog.

I mean, it's like, man, I got a good life today, a good solid clean life, you know, and it's a lot of fun. I have a great fun here in AA, you know, with my friends. We go to conferences, you know, go to Founders Day, go to meetings, and I don't know. It's really it's just really good. I highly recommend it to anybody that's new.

It's like stay here. Stay here and don't don't give up when it seems really bad because, like, the really worst time is, like, early sobriety. When I stopped drinking, I was telling this guy before the meeting, when I stopped and I got sober and then I could look around and see what a mess I had made in my life, I mean, it was really bad. That was, like, the worst time. You know?

But I but I had stopped doing, like, stuff to add to the bad side, and little by little, it gets cleaned up. And really, it's like little by little, you know, it just takes time. But I heard somebody say, oh, I read it in a book or something. You know, if you give up, you you never know how close you were to, like, where where it was gonna happen for you. You know?

You never know if it was, like, the next mint meeting, the next handshake, the next time you pick up an ashtray, the next anything. You know? And, I mean, if you give up, I mean, you just never know if, like, that next moment was gonna be like the the one that's just gonna, like, shoot you over the edge and and make your life really good. I just had a meeting, not too long ago. Some guy said a prayer.

I just boy, I don't know how it goes exactly, but I thought it was really cool. And he said, you know, god, you've given me so many things. If you could give me one thing more, just give me a grateful heart. You know? And I thought that was such a cool prayer because that is such a cool thing for me to pray for today.

And I just really, like, wanna have a grateful heart and wanna thank you guys for being here. Bob, thanks for asking me to talk. And, guys, thanks for being here when I got here, and let's, close with, Lord's prayer.