Chuck C. from Laguna Beach, CA speaking in Tustin, CA

Thank you. I'm Chuck Cee and I'm an alcoholic. Alright. I don't believe it. Allow me a personal word.

You know, all through the year, for 30 31 years, I have been coming to your groups. And of course, you come to your groups too. But today, and for I guess 25 out of the last 26 Easters, you ought to come to my group. You see, you didn't have to come here. And you let me cry.

I just can't believe it. So I have to tell you that I love you very much, not only because you're here, but because you're you. And I certainly thank you for coming. This does something for me that no other meeting that I attend, thus, including international conventions. Because I feel that every one of you here because you want to be.

And, of course, that's why I'm here. With all those new people, I halfway feel that I have to give a newcomers talk. But today I'm not done there. Today, if we had a theme, I think it would be individual freedom, personal freedom. And it seems to me that that is the pearl of great price.

You know, You know, there is only one thing in life that you and I as individuals cannot change. Just one thing. We didn't have to come here. We don't have to stay in California. We don't have to stay in the United States.

We don't have to go home. We don't have to go to a business. Everything about life we can change but one. We're stuck with ourselves forever. Willing without end, amen.

Now in the past, that has been a very bleak prospect. That's since arriving here. It's not a bleak prospect at all. It's an adventure in personal freedom and personal love. The like of which I've never known.

It would seem that inasmuch as we are stuck with ourselves, Robert, that our early education would have been pointed toward, somewhere that we might be friends with ourselves. To be my friend, you know, me be my friend. But that was never even suggested in my youth. Everything was pointed toward trying to get along with your neighbors. And outfitting, outliving, and outperforming those in light business so you could beat them to the world.

That there is enough to go around. You know? So we gotta get hours while the getting is good. Telling us that we must so operate that we will be needed and beloved. 2 great needs of the individual, according to what he taught me, was to be needed and beyond.

So it seems that we pretty well miss the boat. I was launched with Seabrick handicaps. Number 1, that I had to get out here in the world and not think I'd form or not, but in order to get what I thought I was born without. Secondly, that we have the merit, be where we are and own God's grace. And 3rd, that the two main needs that I would have were to be meet to be needed and to be loved.

And all of them are backwards. All of them are backwards. And I learned that they were backwards since I came here. Now I had 43 years to run my life. During which time I was the master of ceremonies and destroyer of the soul.

And at the right old age of 43, I had accomplished failure in every part of the life. Until Now if I'd had any more departments, I'd have failed in Massachusetts, but that's all the departments I had. And I came here totally done in. What are the things that I have been conditioned to believe? I guess for generations in my family was that, you couldn't admit defeat.

Surrender was not even in my vocabulary. In 42 years, I never admitted defeat one time. Now don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that I won every battle at 40 years. I got the bejesus kicked out a couple of times, but it was by accident.

He hit me first. I'll get it next time. There's a guy sitting over here to my right. I wouldn't mention anything about him at all except that he was a a very sneaky fighter. He'd get in an argument at the bar, you know, and then he'd bite somebody outside and he'd take off first.

And when he got the guy on the door frame, he'd turn and hit it right quick, you know, and the bike was over. That's the way he did it. So he won a lot of them that ordinarily he wouldn't have won, you see. Surrender was not in my vocabulary. And had it been necessary for me to consciously surrender the first time, I would have died without coming to this program.

There is no question in the world in my mind about that. Because I could not surrender. The word was not in my vocabulary. The strong man wins, the weak man surrenders. And I couldn't do it.

And thanks to our Volus Anonymous and thank God, I didn't have to do it the first time. The bottle did it for me. In January 1946, the bottle killed me. Didn't he that? Nearly all of you know that story and I'm not going through it again today.

But suffice it to say that my last trip out started the Friday before Christmas 1945 and ended up sometime after the middle of January 1946. And the whole business, so far as I'm concerned, was in a blackout. I don't remember any of it. I came to sometime after the middle of January 1946 with nothing in my skin but alcohol because I never drank. I never ate when I drank.

So I had nothing in me but alcohol. But I came to with the clearest head I've ever known in my life. I had a period of, I believe, total sanity. And I saw me with nothing between me and me. The bottle had burned it out totally.

And there was nothing between me and me and I saw me as I was. And I accepted the fact that I had lost the battle of life. I did not know why, because I knew nothing of the disease of alcoholism. But I knew that I'd lost a battle of life, and that was the first time in my life that I'd ever admitted defeat. I accepted the conditions around me as they were too.

Mississippi, after 20 years, was in the process of divorcing me. And I might quickly say without cause. And I knew why. And I knew she should have done it 10 years before. Our kids wouldn't even come home when I was around if they could help it, And I knew what and I accepted that.

My boss man had sent word to the house that if I ever stuck my foot inside the plant again, he was gonna throw me through the window, which wouldn't have been very nice because the window he had fixed out both open. Played glass. I had no job, no health, no sanity, no money, and no home. And I accepted it. I accepted the fact that everything due to remaining in life was gone and should be gone and that I was not entitled to have it back.

I also accepted death because on the next and last time out, I had pretty well accomplished that. I had gone to the kitchen in my withdrawal period to get a glass of buttermilk, which was my tonic that would stay down when nothing else would. So I got in the kitchen to get a glass of buttermilk. Mrs. C.

And Richard were sitting in the living room, and they heard me let out a bellow and heard me hit the floor. And they came running out to see if they could help me keep from swelling my tongue because they expected me to be in a an alcoholic conversion, which was my wonk, but I wasn't. I wasn't convulsing. I had already used up all my convulsions. I was just lying there on the kitchen floor as peaceful as anybody you ever saw.

I wasn't doing nothing. They told me I was a cutie of color. I was blue. And they got all exercise and called the oxygen squad at the Beverly Hills Receiving Hospital to see if they'd come down and help me out. Now as serious as this is, it tickles the hell out of me.

I'm quite sure that all of them had been praying for me to die for at least 5 years. Some of you who have listened to my lady have heard her admit that she sought many times to find a way that she could do away with me without being found out. So they've been praying for 5 years for me to die, and they come to the kitchen and find me dead, and they get all exercise and call the oxygen squad. And they sent a squad down there, and I have reason to believe they brought me around. I remember what happened after I came to.

There's a young doctor with him, and he told me to all intents and purposes, you were dead. He said, Ruth had a hell of a time bringing you 2, and nobody will ever bring you 2 again under these circumstances. And then he gave me the finest piece of counsel that I will ever hear, I'm sure. He looked me right in the eye, and he said, if I were you, I wouldn't do that anymore. Now I wanna pass that on to all you new people this morning.

If I were you, I wouldn't do that anymore. But I did it again, and the last time was much worse than the time before. So I knew I was gonna die, and it was alright with me. It was alright. But I didn't wanna die with the record.

I didn't want mister C and the kids to remember me as nothing but a tongue twoe and babbling idiot drunk. And I wanna make a statement here that some of you maybe won't even believe because there are many here that have lived with people like me, both men and women. And you couldn't possibly believe that we loved you because of our performance. I bet you, mister Singh told me 500 times, Chuck, if you loved it, you would do these things. And how could I tell her it was because I loved it that it did?

This is hard to explain. I never got to the point that I didn't love my wife and my kids. I was a periodic the last 10 years Because you see I was gonna win this battle, I had to. I had to win. And so I was a periodic for the last 10 years.

I was physically sober as I am today between every 2 drugs for 10 years. And on one of these dry spells, not one, but many over the years, I would go to bed and my bed was just that far away from hers, and it might as well have been in Siberia. And I'd go to bed and I would lie there and listen. And when I determined that she was asleep by her breathing, I'd cry here forever, but that's all I could do. See, I knew I was crucifying her and the kids, and I knew I'd do it again.

And I couldn't take her in my arms and say, honey, I love you. I'll never do this again. I wanted to, very good. I'd already done it. And all I could do was lie there and cry me up a river, you know.

And on this particular morning, accepting the fact that everything dear to me in life is gone, and also accepting debt, I had one thing that I wanted to do before I kicked off, and just one, and that was to rub out as much of the record as possible before that. Now if you can imagine it, I did not even want sobriety for myself because I was gonna die. No use for me to watch sobriety for me. I wasn't gonna be here. I didn't know that, but I didn't wanna die with the record.

And I remember that morning that I read Jack Alexander's article in The Post in 1941. Missus See had found it, and she had read it, and she thought it might do me some good. So she left it open at the right page on the left arm of the chair I sit in right now. And when I came in, I read it, and I remembered that morning that I'd read it. But I was 4 sheets of the wind when I read it.

And I remembered only 2 things about it, that drunk shot drunk and didn't drink. And they called it Alcoholics Anonymous. That's all I remembered about it. And I said to myself, if I ever live to get out of this bed, I'll find a headache. And immediately, the curtain dropped.

My sanity was gone. I was sickened to death, drunk, and insane. And I had a lot of dialing to do. But from that second until right now, I have never had a grip of alcoholic beverage or a sedating or tranquilizing pill of any kind. From that moment till this, I had a lot of time to do.

When I could get out of bed, I sat in that chair, that same one, day after day, and I'd say to myself, this too will pass. But I was sure I was a monkey that was gonna see the passing. But eventually, I started getting better, and I found you people. Now isn't it strange that from the moment of decision until right now. If I ever lived to get out of this bed, I'll find a ache from that second until right now.

I've never had to take a break or pill. Such is the great significance of this thing called surrender. Surrender. This is the most misunderstood experience in human life in my way of thinking. Everybody runs from.

Everybody is afraid of failure. You know, I have a lot of fun with that because lots of times I talk with groups, sometimes big ones, much bigger than this, of nonalcoholics or at least those who haven't admitted it yet. And they have a couple of 1,000 people in front of me. And I look at them and I can see that 96% of them are scared of the failure. You know, you can just tell them to look at it.

And I had a little fun out of it because I'm a pixie, sort of. So I tell him, I said, no. I've got every one of you monkeys by the short hair. Every one of them. I can look at you and I can tell you're scared to death's favor failure.

Every one of them. And I'm not a fan of it at all. I am a fan of the. I'm the guy that's talking to Alright, brother. I am a fader, you know.

I'm not afraid of it. If I left to be if I left till August 3rd, I will be 75 years old. You insensitive rascal, do you know better than that? I'm gonna give that to you again and then whatever one of you say, oh. If I led to August the third, I would be 75 years old.

Bless You know it, but I don't look like I'm a 75. And the greatest single event in my life, the greatest single event in 75 years of life was when the bottle killed me in January 1946. This is the most amazingly freeing experience that there is. Can you imagine what life would be like if you didn't want nothing, no time for yourself? Now this is a this is a freedom that is absolutely unspeakable.

You can't even, you can't even talk about it intelligently. But it's it's it's amazing. I came to this program not even more in sobriety. And I had three and a half years of total nonexpectancy. I didn't want nothing, no time for me.

And it was the greatest period of miracles through which I ever lived, The greatest period of miracles to which I ever lived. In that three and a half years, every little piece of the jigsaw puzzle of life fell together. It was fantastic. But a bad thing happened too. I guess some of you started telling me what a good job I was doing, and I started believing you.

And at the end of three and a half years, I had become somebody again. And that's bad, children. When you're somebody, you've got rights. And when you've got rights, you've got to defend them. So you're to hell with your hat off again.

I had rights for 43 years and I got scars to prove it. So here I've got rights. And I had to start surrendering consciously for the first time after three and a half years without a drink or pill and everything getting better all the time. I had to start consciously surrendering. And every time I had to consciously surrender for the next 13 years, I got mad as a wet head.

Oh, it'd just make me so mad. I'd say, why? Why does this damn thing have to come back? You know? When I was free of it?

Completely free of it, first of all. But when that happens to you, there's only 2 things that can happen after that. You either surrender out of it or you get drunk if you're in alcoholic. You see? So I had to keep surrendering.

13 years, I was surrendering, getting mad every time I did it. And when I was 16 years 6 months sober, sitting there in my big chair and looking out the window, I got an answer to this thing that's totally satisfactory to me. And it hasn't bothered me for all the rest of this time at all to surrender. It's no chore at all. I do it all the time.

And this is the solution that came to me. When you and I take step number 3, I mean take it, not read it, or talk about it, when we turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understand Him, which means our very own God, not that we have to understand the infinite, but the necessity of an individual experience, our very own God. When we do this, we enter a new dimension of life, a totally new dimension of life. An infinite father, an infinite child, and an infinite journey. An infinite father, an infinite child, and an infinite journey.

And on an infinite journey, we cannot stop walking. Life will not let us stop walking. We have to walk because we're on an infinite journey. And when we get fat and complacent, we get caught in the winter. She's sitting there.

I'd say it right. She told me she said, if you ever say that again, I'm gonna divorce you. So I just have to say, no. We get caught in a ringer. And we either surrender or we get drunk.

You see? And it's perfectly alright now. I don't mind it at all because I can see that the time will never come when you and I will have to continue to surrender because we're on an infinite journey. There is no destination. And when you're on an infinite journey, you gotta walk.

And it's perfectly alright to me with it now. It's, matter of fact, I like it because you feel it's good when you're totally free. We're talking about freedom, you see, individual freedom, personal freedom. And the only possibility to have this personal freedom is to get rid of our obsessions of the mind that cause us to operate as we operate. To get rid of the obsessions of the mind that cause us to grate against our will, and cause us to do a lot of other things.

And these obsessions of the mind, all of them, are children of ego. I want, I don't want, I like, I don't like. Ego, which is conscious separation. This is the best definition of the human being go you'll ever hear. It's the feeling of conscious separation from.

Now I walked alone for 43 years, And I'm sure that if there was ever a group of people on the face of the earth that wanted so badly to be a part of, It's the alcoholics of the world. We wanted so much to be a part of this life around us, and we couldn't make it. We were always apart from, apart from each other and apart from the living God that made us. Conscious separation. You know, this is one of the reasons we'd run to the bright lights.

Trying to get a little bit of fellowship. Well, in the end, you know what you do? What I did. Tell you what I did. I'd go into a bar and I go right down the last seat.

Then I sit down there and drink alone. If somebody came by and spoke to me, you know what to do. I'd hit him right in the mouth. He was interfering with my solitude. Well, I've gone down there in the first place to be with people.

Oh, I thought I did that we are forever apart from. And the only roadblock, in my opinion, the only roadblock between me and you and me and my God is the human ego. It has to go. It has to go. If you're gonna be free.

The the the ego rides us just like a Texas cowboy riding a pony. Yep. Makes us do anything it wants us to do. The reason you never hear anything about willpower, backbone, and standing up and being a man in our hearts anonymous is that we know that when the willpower and the imagination or the emotions are in conflict, The imagination or the emotions always win. There's no contest.

You see? So it's got a little bit of boards. And that is what our program is all about. That is the very essence of the first nine steps of our program. To squeeze us out of ourselves, to get rid of duality, which is conscious separation.

To get rid of. This is the very essence of the result of honestly taking the first nine steps of the program. It's just like you'd put your head in the box at step 1. And somebody took a crack on the bike. Step 2, they take another.

And step 3, they take 2. 4 and 5, wicked. That's 3 or 4 turns. 6 and 7 are alright because you become willing to give this stuff away and you give it away. You don't work it out.

You can become willing to give it away and you give it away. At 89, making amends. These are 2 of the most beautiful steps in the whole program, the most immediately rewarding steps in the whole program. Right now, get that load off your back. If we do the first 9 steps honestly, we are surrendered.

Then we can look deep within ourselves and find us, which includes our relationship to each other and to God. This is an amazing thing. Nothing is added. It's uncovered and discovered, and every bit of it's an inside job. Now, I am saying this in essence.

That if you've got anything wrong with you at all, don't say they did it because you'll keep it if you do that. Just for the fun of it, I drank 25 years. And up until my last stroke, it was never my fault. Now I look at that and I can't believe it. One drunk in 25 years should have been my fault by accident.

But it was never my fault. It was your fault. It's my wife's fault. It was her mother's fault. It was the boss's fault.

Conditions, circumstances. So I kept getting drunk. But in my last time out, I came to see that if there be fault, it's mine. If their default, it is mine, and I've never had drink anymore. That's what we're talking about.

At number 10, we can look deep within ourselves because the wreckage of the past has been cleared away. We have uncovered the thing we have been looking for all our lives. And we find us, which includes our relationship to each other and to God. Now we say to each other a lot of times that we have to learn how to love ourselves before we can love somebody else. I don't believe it.

I have never spent one second trying to learn how to love me. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't know how to go about it. In the first place, although I'm sure nobody has noticed it, I am partial to women. It never occurred to me till you people start talking about it. Then we had to learn how to love ourselves, and I don't believe it at all.

And you tell me, and I read in the grapevine, that we gotta rebuild our self confidence. I hope that every one of you will hear what I say next. If there's anything I don't want, it's self confidence. I was born with enough self confidence for everybody west of the Mississippi River. And you know what it did to me?

It kept me fighting that battle for 10 years after it lost. 10 years after I was done. I was still gonna win that battle. And 5 years after everybody quit listening to me, I was saying I'll beat this thing. It was the last thing you ever do.

And it came that close to being the last thing I ever did. So I don't want any self confidence at all. Now you don't need it when you do these steps, because if you turn your will, your life won't be scared of death. You're not your problem anymore. Now think about it.

Take it with you. Because I got my living room full of people that are scared to death. Scared to death. I had a guy the other day, he's 11 years without a drink. He came in there and he was, oh, he was scared.

He was scared of everything, you know. And I said, well, I think we better look at the steps again. What do you mean look at the steps? He said, I've taken taken all the steps. I said, yeah.

Why? He says, I've been taking them for 11 years. You did, Yeah. I said, did you take 1, 2, 3? He said, yes.

Did he take 3? He said, yes. Many times. I said, well, what the hell are you further? If you turn your will and your life over to care of God, there's nothing to be afraid of.

Nothing. Because you're not your problem anymore. Self concern has no place in your life. Self concern is just merely saying, look, dad, I don't believe you're quite as familiar with this problem as I am. I've got to get you some outside help.

Now there's no sense in turning your will and your life over to care of a god you can't trust. You know? I can't trust me. I'm out of nowhere to keep it. As to give it to a god I can't trust.

So this is what this program is all about. And the thing that comes with self discovery is, again, totally beyond words. There is a feeling of dignity, of value, of worth that is unspeakably wonderful. And it has absolutely nothing to do with the human ego, but it has everything to do with gratitude, gratitude, gratitude. I'm so grateful I can't see.

I'm so grateful I can't see. Every day that I have in this program, I'm more grateful. You see, I've had more days, so since I died in January 1946 than many, many, many people get from the time they're born in the first place. Lots of people die before they get to be 31 years old. And I have had 31 years of velvet.

And I'm so grateful again, sir. These are days I would not have had. But for you, people like you and the grace of God and the problems I've always learned. Because you see, I can take no credit for the last 31 years of life. I can't take credit for coming here.

As long as I had the power of choice, my choice was never to come to our God of Sonoma, and I never came. Until I ran out of the power of choice. So I can't take credit for coming. I can't take take credit for living long enough to come. So everything since January 1946, I give thanks for it.

And I take no credit for it at all. Now again, this is a marvelous freedom To be rid of the necessity to take the credit for the things that turn out well in your life. And to be rid of the necessity to have a day to blame for the things that turn out bad day is one of the greatest freedoms on the face of the earth. You're free. And that's what we're talking about.

Now the wonder of wonders is that it comes out of this program of ours if we do it for the purpose that it was put down not to have to drink today. I am convinced that our that both of our problems are the conditions that we put on, Shabir. Or the tangents we get on when we're trying to take the steps. And the most one of the most, I'm sure, and one of the most natural would be we get to step 3 and it says we made a decision to turn around our lives over to care of God as we understood him. And we said ourselves, uh-oh, I don't understand him.

I gotta get me another book. I gotta get me a tutor. And we'd go off on a tangent trying to find God. Now I can give you a little history on that. I was trying to find god for 33 year for 30 years.

30 years, I was trying to thank god. I went through just about every great religion and philosophy that there is. During that time, I walked with and talked with some of the greatest, spiritual geniuses of our time. And I couldn't find it because I thought it was at John Deere someplace. I was living every place but where he is.

And I came here not looking for him at all. I wasn't looking for God. I came here to find out a way to live today without taking a drink. Today. And we found each other.

I don't know who found who or what. Don't make any difference. But there he is. You see? It's a discovery.

We uncover and discover the thing we've been looking for all our lives. Freedom. Freedom comes with not having to have somebody to blame. Now just for a minute more. Sometimes I get something wrong with me, but not often.

You guys still lie a lot too. Now when I get something wrong with me, what am I gonna do? Number 1, I cannot blame God because I do not believe in the God of judgment. Now I don't tell you that you must not believe in a God of judgment. I don't.

I don't believe in a God of judgment, so I can't blame God. I don't believe in a God that would try me to see if I if I loved him or put some stumbling blocks in my way to see if I am gonna fall. I don't believe it. As a matter of fact, there's one line in the Lord's prayer that I've changed. I think there's about 2 of them that I've changed.

One had the Lord's prayer that I changed when I was a kid, and I didn't know why until much later. It's lead us not into temptation. Now when I was that high, I knew that God couldn't lead me into temptation. You know? I didn't know why I believed it but my insides knew it.

That wouldn't lead me into temptation. And it was not too many years ago that I turned over to James and read this. If you are tempted, don't say I'm tempted by God. God cannot be tempted by evil neither can he tempt any man. If you are tempted, it's because of your own desires.

No. That's that's what it says. I didn't say that, but I should have. The next one that I changed was in Saint Francis prayer. It, says there something about fortune, it's better to love than to be loved.

It's better to understand than to be understood. For it is in getting that we receive and forgetting that we are forgiven, and in dying that we attain eternal life, come into eternity, eternal life. And I've thought of for years. What the I mean, why? Why do you have to wait for a diet to find that?

And I finally came to see through this program that it meant dying to self. Surrender. Now that's what that means. And so I put it in there, and I say it now. And it is in dying to self that we attain, come into eternal life.

So I thought, well, I shouldn't do that. I'm talking a lot of Catholics dying now and then, and maybe I shouldn't do that. So I called up Bain Vista. Now that's the Debbie Retreat House, many of you know it. And I got father Toner on the line and I said, father, listen what I did with the lord's with the, sir Francis's prayer.

For it is endowing to self that we attain eternal life. And this is what the hell do you think he meant? Just like he had known it forever, you know? So it can die into self that we come into this deal. And that's what today is all about.

Today isn't crucifixion. That was last Friday. A lot of people think that that's the one. That's the big deal. That ain't the big deal.

Today is a big deal because today's resurrection. Resurrection. And that's what Alcoholics Anonymous is. Resurrection from the land of the living dead. From the land of the living dead to the land of the living.

We are resurrected. We are born again. We are born out of conscious separation into conscious unity. Into conscious unity. And that's what gives us the freedom.

That's where freedom comes from. That's what freedom comes from. We find out in this thing that we ain't going no place. That we got nothing to prove and nothing to win. We discover that.

And the reason for it is there ain't no place to go. Where are you going? All I did is I did a hurry. Where are you going? Ain't no place to go.

One of the things that I get saddled with so much is that some of the clerics say to me, many of your people want to go further. They gotta go further. And many of you come to me about going further, you know. How are you going further? I said to one of them, many of you know.

I says, is there any way he had said to me, a lot of your people wanna go further. And I said, is there any way to go further than to dedicate your life to the service of your fellow man. Why he says no, that's the ultimate ought. I said that's our thought. It's anonymous.

That's our our our 12th step. Having a spirit having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps. We tried to carry this message to the alcoholic who still suffers and to practice these principles in all of our affairs, All of our affairs, everything that we do. That's the way we go further. By loving the the father's kids, you, more.

I've learned much more about him. Much more. That's the way you go further. And I think it's the only way. And the man said that's the ultimate doubt.

So there's no place to go, nothing to worry, nothing to prove. The best that I can get out of this thing called life Is it the only thing you can do with it is live it? That's the only thing you can do with life. What are you what are you trying to do with it? All you can do is live it and all the time you have is right now.

That's the only time you got. Now is the only time you and I'll ever know. You see one of the reasons that I was decaying so long from getting in this fellowship. I was gonna straighten up and fly right tomorrow. But tomorrow never came.

Every time I came 2, it was now and I was thirsty. So now is the only time we have. So it there doesn't do a life but live it. The only time you'll have is now. The only reason for it is the joy of it.

Not for my glory, but for the glory of the Father and the glory of life itself. Now that's all this life is all about. And now is the time. Now just for fun, and I'm gonna close-up because it's it said 3 o'clock, and that clock back there says 3, and and mine still is not quite 3. And I'm not too concerned anyway because we already passed the hat.

You know, I learned more about what to do from the birds and the bees and the animals and the stuff outside there. I learned more about what to do from them than I do from people. I learn more about what not to do from people than what to do. So do you all teachers. But I sit there in my, chair and my butterfly goes by.

You know? And I sit there and try to figure out what he's thinking about. And you know something? People think about nothing. He's busy being a butterfly.

Now I got a pair of Blue Jays that I feed the beggars, and they'll be sitting right there and that little butterfly goes right by us. And I I I don't hear him say I wish I was a blue jay. He don't even play attention to it. I got a bunch of mockingbirds on the hill too. They think they own it, you know.

So the blue jays, they try to run them off. But neither the molting bird nor the blue jay has ever attempted to change its color. They're perfectly satisfied to be blue jays and mockingbirds. I got a rose bush right here that has red roses on it and one right here that has yellow roses on it. And, you know, in 20 years, this one has never had a yellow rose on it.

It's right next door. Why can't we do that? You've been trying to be a yellow rose all the night. The yellow rose of Texas. But she's from Alabama.

Now freedom is the ability to be us. To be me. To do my thing. To share me with anybody that wants me in love. Just because I want to for free and for fun.

Because I love it. This is freedom. And I don't wanna be you. Many of you good looking youngsters have had me tell you that straight out. You male, solvenous pigs.

I say I ate everybody that's younger and better looking than I. You see? But I really don't. I don't want to be anybody in the world but me. And I don't want to do anything in the world with what I'm doing.

And I want no place, And I'm not trying to improve on god's family work. You see, we're the only creatures that he ever made that are dissatisfied dissatisfied with his job. You might spend a lifetime trying to prove improve on God's creation of us. I'm gonna tell you a little bitty thing and sit down because I've taken too much time already. Again, we're the only ones of God's creatures that try to improve his job.

I have come to the very simple conclusion, very simple conclusion, living with you people like you for 31 years, that every one of us are God's children. The first two words in large prayer, I believe with my toenails and my hair, mean exactly what to say, our father, God. God our father. We his children. And I look at it, then I see in our bible, in the Christian bible, it says in the beginning, god.

In the beginning, god. God trusts nothing, leaves nothing but god. So that's all there is. There's just god. Now I've read lots of other Bibles too.

And if you were reading Brahminism, it would say the Brahmans all there is. There is no otherness, which says the same thing. It don't make any difference. They all seem to say the same thing when we take lid off of. But sticking to ours, it says in the beginning, god.

God bless nothing, leaves nothing but god. And then it says, God created the heavens and the earth. What decreed him out of? What decreed him out of? The little boy says, where did god stand when he created Yuri?

And I think that's a good question. They couldn't have stood on a ball of mud out of Mississippi River because he hadn't made it to Mississippi River yet. Why did create a matter? I think the process of creation is that God thinks and himself becomes the thing he thinks about. Now that isn't so hard to take when you look at yourself, and you see that you think and yourself become what you think about.

You see? As a man thinketh his own heart, so is he. So the process of creation, god thinks and himself becomes the thing he thinks about. And it shows the heavens and the earth. And he put the water over yonder and threw a fish in it, and he put a mountain over here and put a tree on it, little bird with a tree and a monkey under it.

And he looked at it, and he says, this is great. I like this. It's fine. Now he says here, I'm gonna create man in my own image and after my own likeness, which means totally free. Totally free.

If we're current in the image and likeness of god, we are totally free just as god is totally free. Now I submit to you that the only way we could have been created free was to be created with the possibility of hurting ourselves. Hear me? The only way we could be created free was to be created with the possibility of hurting ourselves. If you have been created predestined to the point where you couldn't put your hand on a hot stove, You would not be a free person.

You would be a robot or a computer, but you wouldn't be free. You had to be created with the possibility of hurting yourself in order to be free. Now I submit to you that the only way that I can ascertain what I can do and be comfortable right here and do it. And what I cannot do and be comfortable right here and eliminate it is by experience and its lesson. Experience and its lesson.

Experience and its lesson. And that's what this whole thing is all about. And it's the most fascinating, the most consumingly interesting experience of living that anybody will ever get to teach Of all peoples, we are the most blessed. We drunks. We alcoholics.

Why? Because we have a terminal illness. And because our illness is progressive, and because the time comes when we can no longer survive without an answer. And we come to this program to find out how to live today without drinking. And we find that the formula for sobriety, and the formula for the good life, and the formula for self discovery are all the same formula, 1 through 12 inclusive.