The "Light A Candle" meeting of Overeaters Anonymous in Brentwood, CA

My name is Richard. I'm a compulsive eater. Hi, Richard. I wanna thank Roy for, inviting me to share tonight. I, have a great love in my soul for this program Keep going.

Because it, because it works. I mean, it'd be a horrible tragedy to be sitting in this room having some kind of disease of compulsive eating, and and we would discuss among ourselves possible solutions or ideas that may or may not work. But as we sit here tonight, that is not our case. We have our big book and we have a plan of action and we have things that will work if we simply do the deal. And the program of recovery is is not really for those who want it, and it's not really for those who think about it, and it's not really for those who pray for it.

I mean, all those things are good things, but it's predicated solely on one fact, those who decide to do it in spite of what they think or feel. And thank God it is that way. Because if it's not that way, I'm out there. Because I can promise you in my first 30, 60, 90 days of abstinence, I'm looking at the food plan. I'm looking at my sponsor.

I'm looking at going to these meetings that they're suggesting I go to and the calls that they're making. I'll I'll look at the tools that they suggest, and I say, no. Thanks. And and, I mean, you know, we we go through a day and and everything's fine, and we go through the next day and everything's not fine. And what do you do in those moments?

I mean, you know, the clock's ticking life's in stress and whether you're not, if we don't have some kind of viable solution, we're out there. At least I am, if you're a compulsive eater of my type. I mean, I come from the place that the big book describes as pitiful, incomprehensible, demoralization, did things I thought I would never do, became a person I thought I would never become. But there is magic that happens through the process of the 12 steps, and all I have to do is come to to these rooms and be willing to do the deal. And the thing about willingness is it's this kind of double edged word.

You know, people come to me all the time. Richard, I'm willing. I'll do anything you say. Please sponsor me. Ta da.

And that's you know, it sounds fine. It it's great to hear, but but they have no clue what they just said. Because as soon as somebody says they are willing, what they have said is is that they're gonna do the deal. Because willingness is one of those kinda crazy words that is demonstrated not in what you say. It's demonstrated in what we do.

So if somebody says, I'm willing, but I'm not willing to go to a meeting this week. I'm willing, but I'm not willing to call and commit my food. I'm willing, but I'm not I I'm not gonna make calls. I and and all of a sudden, they're dictating to me what they're gonna do and what they're not gonna do. And here's the deal.

If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got. And I don't know about you, but I know about me. What I always got was an extra £5. What I always got was another rock in my backpack of life. I mean, you know, we come to the rooms of recovery I did carrying a whole lot of garbage and baggage and rocks.

And what we get to do is 1 by 1 drop those rocks and for the purpose of being free. I mean, that's really why I signed up for this deal. I didn't sign up for this deal so that I could stand up here and say, My name's Richard. I got 20,000 years of abstinence. But in my soul I'm not free.

Uh-uh. Give me a day where I can look in my mirror, and in my soul where I live, I'm free. I'm free. And it's not predicated. It's that kind of freedom that's pure freedom.

It's not predicated or based on somebody else's validation of me, my mom, or dad, or husband, or wife, or anybody else. I am that whole and enough and free, and part of, and I know my purpose, and I get to have a dance to my step because I know what I'm supposed to do. And I'm privileged to tap into the idea that I kinda have an idea of who you are, even if you may not. And who you are, let me just tell you, this beautiful child, talented, gifted person of God. And you may not tap into that, and it makes no difference.

I mean, I really came tonight to really say a few things. One thing is that anybody can get abstinent and stay abstinent. That it is possible to come in these rooms and never lose your abstinence. That is possible. It is possible that anybody can get free and stay free, and I came to tell you I love you.

Now having said that, I don't have to say anything else. Everything else that comes out of this mouth could be garbage, and you know what? I've said a whole lot that I would be proud of 10 years, 20 years, a 100 years from now because that is the truth. That's what I hear. That's what I heard.

Give me give me a person that's gonna tell me some of those things, and I and I'll be willing to hang around for a little while. My the people that that I'm privileged to to be sponsored by, that's what they give to me. They give to me the magic and the beauty of the pro what this program possesses. I mean, the cornerstone of our program is dictated by doctor Bob and Bill Wilson is simply love and service. And I don't know that we hear enough about that, but I'm gonna tell you about that because I think it's important.

And the code of our program do we ever talk about the code found on page 84 of our big book? That our code is love and tolerance of others? That is our code. How important? How precious is that?

I think it's important. In the preface to the 12 and 12, it says that the 12 steps are a group of principles, spiritual in nature, which if practiced as a way of life, can expel the obsession and enable the sufferer to live a happy and purposeful them, what are you willing to do to be happy? What are you willing to do to be free? And the answer needs to be just about anything. And then and then and then we rock and roll and we do the deal.

And, you know, I I I take the tools of the program as I've understood them, and I put a little twist on them, like these phone calls that we're, you know, challenged to make. And some people find, you know, they kinda dial in on those people that they know are not home, and and and and and they made their call. And I don't know that I care whether a person is home or not, but what I do care is what kind of message are they leaving. And so I tell the people I sponsor that the recipient of your phone call needs to be encouraged. They need to be uplifted.

In fact, your message ought to be so encouraging that the recipient should want to save that message. Because it's not about us. I mean, you know, what it is about us. That's the problem. The root of my problem is that I'm self self centered, egotistical, only thinking of me.

And that's, you know, that was my dilemma. I never had a single thought of you that concerned me. I mean, my whole life I spent spiraling down, digging another foot, digging another grave, putting on another pound, and the curtains drawn and the shades drawn, and I'm not livin', I'm dying. Every day that I lived, it wasn't a day of life, or vibrancy, or fervency, it's a day that I'm dying. Till I get to a place that I'm saying, you know what, I'm done.

I'm done doing it the way I've always done. Surely there has to be a better way, and so there is. And it's these 12 steps, and these 12 steps are magical and powerful in nature, and if anybody tells you otherwise, tell them they're messed up. They just don't read the same book that I read. They haven't experienced the same things that I've experienced as dictated by our literature.

The 12 steps and the big book. They're powerful stuff. But it stems from, you know, that core of, you know, step 1. What what is step 1? You know, that that that to me, it's about being absolutely done.

I mean, I'm gonna tell you some things that I consider deeply and and they're my opinion. And if you agree with them, beautiful. And if you don't agree with them, it's totally fine because guess what? It doesn't change the fact that I'm here to tell you I love you. And if I see you down the street and you have a completely different perspective on this program and me, that's fine.

I have no no. I have nothing on it. And that wasn't where I came from. I mean, I don't come from that place. I come from being selfish and self centered, and you have to you have to see my and my point of view and you gotta get it the way I get it or you're human beings.

You're beautiful. You're gifted period. And nobody can change that. Not even you. Step 1 is about being completely surrendered.

It demands a level of being done. And if you're not done and you're sitting here tonight, you know, well, you know, my my advice to people is to go get done, because there's too much magical, powerful stuff that happens when we come to the place that we are done. So if you're not done, go get done. And if the people that maybe are done, maybe not done, you know, you're kind of doing the dance that I learned in kindergarten called the Hokey Pokey. And maybe I'm a compulsive eater, maybe I'm not.

Maybe I've got one foot in, and I'm willing to do the deal, and tomorrow I'm not quite surrendered. And the thing about surrenderance in step 1 is if it took surrenderance. I mean, one of the greatest truths of our program says that if I fail to do today what I did yesterday to stay abstinent, tomorrow I will compulsively eat again. And it makes no difference what you think about that statement. It is a true statement.

I sit in my chair and I sit in my car and I get the phone calls at 2 o'clock in the morning, 3 o'clock in the morning, at all hours of the day and night. People sobbing on the other end. People that I've worked with that have gone out and are desperately trying to get their way back. And what happened? I mean, you know, I've sponsored well over 2, 300 people in the last 4 years.

And and and and one of the things that you gain from that kind of sponsorship is you can take a couple steps back. And you can look at this group of people that have strong, solid recovery, and you can look at a people, a group of people in the middle that had a great level of recovery, and then they're gone. And then you look at another group of people that maybe they get a day or 2, maybe they get a week or 2, and, but they can never put together too much. And clearly, as just a simple person looking at the differences, there are some clear, very clear differences. To these groups of people that are solid and strong and guess what?

They're not going to 2 or 3 meetings a week, they're going to 4 or 5. They got commitments. They show up early. They got commitments. They stay a little bit late.

They're concerned about the newcomer. And I started paying attention to people in my early days of AA because in my early days of AA, I put together about 6 months of sobriety and this guy that had 15 years went out. And it knocked my socks off because I said to myself, if this guy with this much recovery is gonna go out, who am I to to to think that I'm gonna be able to hang here a while? And it caused me a a a deep, interest to pay attention to those people that had strong recovery. So I looked at people like old man Nick with 38 years sobriety, and and and Doug who who's got 25 years, and and old man Neil with 55 years sobriety.

And and beautiful people that I want what they have. I mean, you know, there's those people with 20 years sobriety, and man, they had the thing I want. They're miserable and they're grouchy, and I started paying attention to those people too. And there was some contrast, you know, to the Knicks and the Neals and the Duds. Guess what, they'd always show up early.

They never had to raise their hand to share. Sometimes they shared, and every time they shared man, I was listening. But they were concerned about the new comer, they talked about God, they had some. Now each of them had different kinds of conceptions of God, and it made no difference. They had their own deal with God.

And each of them had a take and an appreciation and a love for the 12 steps. So they talked about the newcomer, they were concerned. It wasn't just something that came out of their mouth, it was demonstrated by what they did. And and and and and whether they had the cleanup commitment, they were all put up chairs, and they all got early, and they all did these things. And I paid it kneel every day.

Go to a meeting. He he had 52 years sobriety, and his wife had 52 years sobriety, and she died. And guess what he did? The next day, he's at a meeting. I don't know if that's ever gonna come up for me.

But I know if I ever have to walk through something like that, you can bet to your boots that I'm gonna remember Neil and I'm gonna say to myself, oh, Neil did this. I mean, I'm sure Nick would tell me, Richard, it's possible to just go to one meeting a month. That that that that's all that's necessary. But because, Richard, you don't know what day that meeting is gonna take place that you need to go to, you better go to a meeting every day because you can't afford to miss that meeting. It's at a meeting that we hear things like old man Neil and walking through the tragedy or my dear friend Randy who was barely making $8, $10 an hour and and and struggling financially, and all of a sudden he landed a gig and he was being paid $200 a year.

But the thing about that was he wasn't going to any meetings. He was working, you know, 60, 90 hours a week, and he wasn't going to meetings, and 3 weeks into it, going from making $8 an hour to making $200 a year, and guess what? He stood up behind the podium one day and said, I had to quit my job because sobriety is more important to me. And I he's my hero. He's my hero.

And I don't know when that's gonna come up for me, but had I not gone to that meeting that day, I would not be filled with that kind of knowledge. Cool. I don't know when those kinds of things are gonna come up for me, but I do know they will come up. And shame on me for not getting to a meeting to hear that kind of a message. We hear things at meetings.

It's important. I tell the people I sponsor, you need to get to a meeting early, look for those opportunities to be of service, find your chair, get centered in, take the pulse of the meeting so that you can be fully present to the people that are the newcomers, to the people that take chips, so that you can really, by the time the speaker gets there, you know, not me, but by the time the speaker gets there, you really can be present and hear what they're saying. Because life's too short. I mean, you know, if September 11th taught us anything, it certainly taught me that, life's too short. So I went to my sponsor and I said, you know, 22 people, I I I think I should do a little more.

Now I'm up to 27, 28. I don't know what I'm sponsoring now. But I'm behooved to do more to give more because I don't come from that. I come from being selfish. Snatching all I can get out of the world.

Where's mine? Where's more? Where's it now? With the curtains drawn and only thinking of me, and and all the while I'm dying, all the while I'm spiraling down, all the while I'm just trying to put together a case to exist, but it's not about living. And I stumble into the rooms of recovery first with AA, and then the same way that I stumbled in the rooms of AA, I stumble in the rooms of of of Over Eaters Anonymous, and I begin to find my way.

The only difference between OA and AA for me was I had some knowledge coming into coming into o a. And I knew that having sponsored a lot of people in AA, I knew what kind of sponsor EA needed needed to be. And I took all my knowledge of AA and I said it's important. I know a few things. I know the big book.

I know the 12 and 12. I've taken people through these steps. But it was necessary for me, and I I don't know I didn't even struggle with it. I just intuitively knew that I needed to take my knowledge and put it on a shelf. Because my first sponsor never had any other program, he barely had 30 days, and he was my food sponsor.

That's what they said. You need a sponsor, and there it is. And I had to become like Shaggy Dog, which way did he go? Which way did he go, George? You know that cartoon that used to come in on Saturday mornings and that's the only thing he said.

And they go hair all over his face, and go to 3 meetings a week, and call and commit your food, and da da da da da. And I didn't argue with it because I knew that I needed to be teachable. And you know, when I, I lost £90 my 1st year, and I've maintained that for the last 4 years, and you know, at the end of my 1st year, you know, some of these old timers would come up to me, and they'd pat me on the head. Oh, Richard, you're so you're so excited and oh, but that's right. You only got a year.

And they they they pat me on the head as if to say, you know, wait till you get 4 or 5 years. You'll you'll tone down. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. I I I don't tone down.

I I get excited because there's something to get excited about. These 12 steps are magical and powerful and they work. They have the ability to pick up a miserable, wretched piece of a human being like me and transform me, so that I can do the thing that I'm born to do, so that I can be my talented, gifted, beautiful self that God made me, and nothing I did or did not do ever changed that fact. All it did was diminish my ability to be used by God, in my opinion. You know, we bury our talents and our gifts.

I say there that that you're here tonight and and and you're a writer, write. If you're an artist, draw. If you're a a sculptor, sculpt. But we sabotage ourselves, and we and we hide our talents. It's possible, let me just throw this out to you, and I could give you chapter and verse, but it's possible to take anything, and physically walk us through the 12 steps for the purpose of freedom's sake.

So if there's anything that's sitting here, whether it's, you know, we come in because we got a problem with food, but anything, we can have the ability to walk through the 12 steps for freedom's sake. Absolutely. And gifts and talents are the same thing. We could have the ability to take those talents, physically walk them through the 12 steps and find freedom. And it all starts with step 1, being done.

Being done with the way that I've always done it. Being willing to do it a different way. And so there you go. And you know, people the the the the thing about sponsorship is, you know, it's kinda like having a guitar teach you. You want what I have, you do what I do.

You don't like what I have, God bless you. Find somebody who has what you want. And what that means is, that you're willing to do what they do. I I studied guitar. I used to study guitar.

A beautiful teacher, he would be able to take a thing and and and and play it so masterfully. And I'd say, okay. I I I'd like to learn how to play that piece. And he'd give me a scale and a mode and and it made no difference how I felt or what I thought. And I would come back to him the next week and say, Richard, let me tell you.

I'm a musician. I'm not a magician. And if you don't practice, I can't help you. You know, if you want what I have, you do what I do. And if you don't wanna do what I do, it's okay.

God bless you. But what it does mean is I'm not able to help you because I can only tell you what I do, and I only do what people have done before me. I came to tell you absolutely that if you're sitting here today and you're struggling with food, you know, and food, what, you know, people that are overeaters, or under eaters, or anorexics, or believers, it makes no difference, really. I mean, having sponsored the people I sponsor, I can tell you that there's no difference between needing desperately to lose £2 or £5 or a £100 or £500. That the disease of compulsivity has the ability to get right to the core of your soul and rip you to shreds.

Take you away from anything that you should be, could be, ought to be, already are. Absolutely. And so we come to the place that we're willing to give it a shot. I had to come to a place that I was willing to do whatever was necessary. And I said, you know, I'm gonna give this thing 30 days.

I'll see what happens in 30 days. I'll do everything I possibly can do within those 30 days. And then, you know, if I wanna go eat what I wanna eat, then I will. But for these 30 days, let me just give this thing a shot. And I wasn't thrilled about it, you know.

I I I I don't do sugar. I don't do white flour. I mean, that's what they told me to do, and I didn't argue with it. I didn't know from Adam. I didn't know that I could challenge them on it.

They just said this, and I said, okay. And what do I know? I know how to weigh £300. That's what I know. I know how to be out of breath, tie my shoes.

I know that. Let me let me be willing to try something different. And in my humble opinion, somebody said, you know, Richard, if you say in my humble opinion, what that really does is give you permission say anything the hell you wanna say. In my humble opinion, You know, we have a food plan. We have a food plan and we have the 12 steps, And when the food plan is followed, whatever your food plan is, don't betray that food plan, and journey through this 12 steps simultaneously.

Then you begin to tap into the freedom. If you because I'll tell you one thing for me. I mean, you know, we we journey through the steps 1, 2, 3, and I might come back to that because that's not just a quick step. But clearly when we get into an inventory and it causes us to go and search our soul, we will be challenged to coat the nerves. I mean, you know, food, we eat not necessarily because we're hungry or it's time to eat.

We eat because at some level it coats the nerves and it makes us feel better, you know, like the alcoholic does the drugs and the and and the alcohol, it coats the nerves. They it allows them one more day to survive. And now we're challenging ourselves to look at things that we rather really not look at. You know, all those skeletons in the closet, and all the things, those horrid paths that we've, our behaviors, and you know, twisted ideas and thinkings, and and now it's come to service in an inventory. And how easy it is to change our food plans because because we're not feeling.

We're not feeling good. It doesn't feel good to begin to look at this stuff. And why would we even want to look at this stuff anyways? Step 1 is about absolutely being done. Let me just throw this out.

Step 2, just quickly, and I and I go into great details, about about each step. But tonight, I don't think I'm gonna do that. But step 2, just quickly, in my humble opinion, is about an interview process with god. If I I manage a restaurant, that's what I do. I've been doing it for 20 20 some years.

That's what I do. And and somebody comes to me because they want a job now, they're late for the interview. Guess who's not gonna get hired? Somebody comes to work and they're looking trashy. Guess who's not gonna get hired?

Because somebody comes to work and starts talking trash to me. Guess who's not gonna get hired? Step 2 is an interview process for God. Because, clearly, we ran our show and we did such a wonderful job that we said to ourselves we had to fire ourselves. So now we've gotta do an interview for a new general manager for our lives.

So we interview god in step 2. So I challenge I mean, who says that God has to be this punishing, horrid, lightning round type of God? I challenge you to challenge your thinking. Break outside that box. Who says that god couldn't be healthy?

So I challenge the people I sponsor. Why not, out of the fabric of your brain, come up with the most healthy conception of god? And what I know as a sponsor and been doing this for quite a few years is that you take one step, god takes 2. You take 10, god takes 20. And it makes no difference what you think about it.

To the people I sponsor, they don't even have to believe in god. All they have to do is be willing to accept the fact that there could be a god and clearly it ain't them. And if there could be a god, why couldn't that god be healthy? And if that god could be healthy, what would be the characteristics of that god? So let's clearly define what that looks like.

So step 2 is that interview in god. Now we've interviewed god, and we said, okay. We're satisfied with the interview process. Step 3 is really the hiring process of god. Step 3 is the ability to take a chill pill.

All of our fears and anxieties and feelings and thinkings and dreams and hopes and all that stuff. And we lay them at this feet of this healthy God that we interviewed in step 2, that we hired in step 3, and we take a chill. Because if God's the guy that's running the show and we're not, what are we so worried about? Now, if God's not running the show and we're running the show, yeah, we gotta worry. Because I know about me, when I'm running the show, I'm in a world of hurt real fast.

Cause Richard's trying to figure out why why are you looking at me like this? Why are you looking at me? You know, no. Jeez. My job is not what you think of me.

My job is not what my boss thinks of me. Absolutely not. And if I get into that kind of ideas and thinkings, I'm messed up. I'm outside the box. I'm running the show.

I'm trying to figure it all out. My job is clearly to stay sober, to stay abstinent, to love people that I'm around. Period. So my job for my boss is, how can I love my boss? How can I help him?

And there's nothing on it. He can't do Chuck see talks about that. There's nothing he could do to me. It's only what I can do to him, and my job to him is to love him to help him better. To the people I sponsor, I have nothing on it.

I have nothing on it. I sponsored 27 people. They call me at all hours of the day night. I I every night, I work with my people. I love them, and there's nothing on it.

There's nothing they can do for me. The only thing they can do is stay abstinent and help someone else. So step 3 is that ability to relax. And then we begin to move into this inventory. And what the hell is an inventory?

And why do we gotta do it? An Inventory is one of the most powerful things in our in our in our 12 steps. We get to look at ourselves for the first time, and there's many ways to do an inventory. I mean, my first my my sponsor in AA, you know, suggested that I do an inventory because it's next in line. And and he wouldn't tell me exactly what to do.

And so I like a good AAer, I would go to 10 people and ask them, how do you do an inventory? How do you do an inventory? How do you do an inventory? And guess what? I got 10 different responses.

Somebody said, well, on the back of a matchbook cover, you're right that you're a liar, a cheat, a thief, a fraud, and there's your inventory. And someone else said, you know, Richard, you begin a novel process, and you start with age 1. And after a year, you move to age 2 and you write and I you know? And my spot the only thing he told me is when I begin writing, don't stop till I'm done. Don't edit what I write.

Make sure it's from my heart under the light of God. And that's what I did. And I wrote and I wrote and I wrote and, and I was I followed his suggestion. I didn't look at it again until we were connected. And so we sat together at at a meeting.

We went to a meeting together that we've often go to. And, I think it's crucial that people who are sponsored by people that they go to at least one meeting a week together. I like to see the people that I sponsor. You know, it's great to talk on the phone. And this this year has developed a pretty good antenna.

I could hear by the tone of a voice if someone's in trouble, usually pretty good. But, man, I like to see their face, especially when we review questions that relate to steps and like that because because I just wanna see their face. It's important. So we would hook up at this meeting and, and the meeting cleared and just like this room, except there was some tables and everybody's gone. It's just me and my sponsor and my sheets of paper that I wrote.

And for an hour, I shared with him all the things that I wrote on this paper these papers, the the the and, clearly, I was a liar and a cheating fraud and thief and all that. And it it it transformed into all kinds of crazy behaviors and actions. And and I and I shed the tears, and I and I and I remember breathing this sigh of relief thinking that, okay. I'm done with stuff 45. I shed a couple of tears.

I said my stuff. Let's get on to the good steps. Step 6 and through 12. Let's rock and roll. And my sponsor looked at me dead in the eyes.

And he said, Richard, what's what's not on this paper? What's what's the one thing you're willing to take to the grave? And as he spoke those words, man, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I knew what it was. Man.

And and there was and once you know a thing, you can't not know a thing, you know. And I sat there in silence for 5 minutes thinking of what I could possibly share in its place because I couldn't share it. And then I sat there for another 5 minutes thinking of how I could diplomatically leave. Like, let's just call this part 1 of the process. And, you know, a couple weeks later, we'll do we'll do I'll I'll share this, but not today.

And the only thing he said was to trust the program that it would be alright. And then I sat there for another 5 minutes thinking that if I don't share this, maybe I'm going to go out. And one of the things about the steps, in my humble opinion, is that, you know, I think there there are 5 elements to each step that as a sponsor I try to listen for in the people I sponsor. 1 is, you know, level of surrenderance. I think there's a level of surrender to each of our twelve steps.

I think clearly there's a level of honesty and willingness and open mindedness taken from the spiritual experience in the back of the book says that these things are the essentials of recovery. And then again, it says it again about honesty, open minded, and willingness as the essentials of our recovery in the chapter freedom from bondage. And and that, that final 5th ingredient in my opinion is I I'll take it from step 7 of the second paragraph where it says that humility is that foundation principle of each of AA's 12 steps, and I think those five things are there. And it occurs to me that it you know, all those things are required at step 1, that level of surrenderance and some level of surrenderance and and and being willing and honest and open minded and and some degree of humility. I think in step 1, it's kinda forced upon us.

We're not thrilled about it. We're not excited about it. But as we think about for me, as I consider 45, and at that moment, when I'm sitting at that table looking at my sponsor dead in the eyes, it occurred to me that what was required at that moment was a much higher degree of honesty and willingness and open mindedness and humility, all those things that than at any other step, that at step 4, it required more. And step 5, it's gonna require more. And and and and onward.

I mean, our program demands greater, not less, of these qualities. And if our if your program is demanding less, guess what? You should pay attention to that. I mean, incidentally, everybody works the 12 steps. And if we're smart, we work them 1 through 12.

But if you pay attention, you will see those in these rooms that will work them 12 through 1, and then you don't see them anymore. And so I tears coming down my face I I I devastated trusting the program and I shared from my soul and I balled like a baby and it was just like he said, it was all right. And then the 12 and 12, it talks about how, in my opinion, it talks about the idea that we get stripped naked in front of God. And here I am, my raw self and good, bad, ugly, here I am. And it's alright.

It's alright. It's beautiful. It's magical. I I I look at steps 45 like Charlie Brown and Lucy and Linus. They go knocking on doors.

It's Halloween. And Lucy gets gets a candy bar, and Linus gets a dollar bill, and Charlie Brownie gets a rock, and they go knocking on the next door, and Charlie Brownie gets a rock, and they go knocking on the next door, and Charlie Brownie gets a rock. And when they're all done, look at all the things that Lucy's got in her bag, and look at all the nice little things that Linus has got. And Charlie Brown, look at what he's got. He's got a bag of rocks.

And I swear to you, that is the story of my life prior to program. Every time I turned around, what I got out of life was a big old bag of rocks, rocks of shame and guilt and resentments and feelings of not being good enough and having these insane ideas that I gotta prove to the world that I'm somebody because inside I'm nothing. I don't count. I'm nobody. And 1 by 1 through the process of these magical, powerful, beautiful twelve steps we absolutely get to drop those rocks.

And once we drop them, there's no picking them up. When we know better, we do better. Our program, in my opinion, allows us the privilege to stand on some kind of a platform that allows purity and honesty and unselfishness and love to permeate through our soul. And if we're lucky and if we're wanting this thing to be free, you know, to to be free, we can have that. And there's nobody that can ever take that away from you.

And as we journey towards that I mean, I I look at what we get to go. I mean, we're, you know, start at step 1, and we're selfish and we're self centered and we're £300 or we're £2 and we're anorexic and we're bulimic and we're practicing all kinds of behaviors, but inside we're messed up. And where we get to go, I mean, that's I love that step 11 where it talks about that prayer of Saint Francis. I think that's the accumulation if if not that any of these things ever have a graduation point, but if humility has a graduation point, I would say, let's let's take a look at step 11 and that prayer of Saint Francis where it says, to the person that's sad, let me let me bring them joy. To the person that's in despair, let me bring some measure of hope.

Even though I might be misunderstood, let me put that on the shelf. Let me understand. Even though I might feel like I I I'm not loved. It's okay for the moment. Let me love.

Let me bring that to the table. I call it the table tip theory. What table are you sitting at and what did you bring to the table? The phone rings, oh, Richard, I went to a meeting. It was horrible.

And my my always my reaction is, well, what did you bring to that meeting? Were you there early? Did you shake the newcomers? Well, no wonder that meeting wasn't bad. What did you bring?

Because we're snatchers and we're takers. I mean, that's that's the thing about me. I I I I've been a taker my whole life and a loser my whole life. And through the process of this program, I don't get to do that anymore. I get to bring.

I get to give. And in that equation I mean, I'm doing some questions that that are that are, you know, you you go through the 12 steps and I'm doing some version of maintenance questions or something like that, which really got just a furtherance of the 12 steps, and and it caused me to consider the people I'm sponsoring. I got a year of abstinence and I'm sponsoring like 25 people and I'm and I'm crying. I'm crying because look at these people who have what I want. Like, when I got to these rooms, I hadn't a thing I wanted.

And then I come down the steps again, and I do another question that causes me to reflect and in my reflection, I consider, Oh my gosh. I want what I have. I want what I have. How in the world did that happen? And it happened because little bit by little, without me even knowing, I began to think of myself less and think of others more.

And somewhere in that is really where the magic begins. And what propels that is these 12 steps. And I don't have time, I don't think, to go through all the 12 steps, but not here. I mean, I'm I'm doing it in another in another facility. That's what I get to do, and it's what I'm prompted to do and asked to do and and and and that's fun, and I love that.

I give my heart and soul to this program, and I can never ever ever out give this program for the magic and the beauty. I I I I thought to myself, there's no way I could ever touch my mom or dad. I mean, you know, they're out there. They're doing their thing. And, and I thought, you know, I I've been a taker and a and a loser, and and and that's why I mean, I just can't put together in my mind doctor Bob or Bill Wilson ever telling somebody, no.

I'm I'm not gonna be able to sponsor you or you slipped too many times. I'm not gonna be able I can never do that. And so people that I work with and then they slip and then they come back and they're crying on the other end and I and I already have a connection with them. How can I tell them no? That's why I end up sponsoring 2, 300 people.

And it occurs to me that I I just some feel like I I I do that and somewhere along the line, God's gonna take care of my family. My mom, she weighs £307 and, and she called and she she called me a few weeks ago and she said, I wanna come to one of your workshops. And she called the other night and left a message asked if I would sponsor her. How about that? How sweet is that?

This miserable, wretch's son, I used to just get all crazy when I was a teenager with her. Go show up to my dad's for Christmas, and he hugs my neck. And he says, make sure you tell your sponsor how much I love him. And, Richard, let me tell you, I'm so proud of you. I couldn't get that from my dad if you and if I would've paid a $1,000,000, I just couldn't get that.

And here it is out of nowhere. There's so many miracles and magical things that happen in this program if you're willing to give it a shot. I say if you're here and you're struggling, you don't have to struggle any further, that there is power that is attached to these 12 steps that have the ability to pick you up from where you are and transform form your life. Absolutely. I came to tell you I love you.