The foreword of the 12&12 and the 1st tradition at the CPH12 v2 convention in Copenhagen, Denmark

Good morning. Good morning. Morning. My name is Polly Pistol, and I'm an alcoholic. Good afternoon.

Welcome. And thank you for welcoming us. Let me just kinda give you a rundown today of what we're gonna do. And, I just I'm not gonna do anything for the first part of the morning, but I just wanted you to meet me and know that I'm with him. Since he talked last night, he's gonna talk for an hour this morning.

I wanted to say good morning before I get up here and say, hi. I'm here too. What we're gonna do is, about 11 o'clock, we're gonna take a break for 10 minutes. And then at 12, we'll break for lunch. And this morning, Dave is gonna give, kind of, an overview of the history of Alcoholics Anonymous, and kinda show you why their traditions are so important.

And then what we're gonna do the rest of the day is that we will do the traditions. We'll do it we'll take a tradition like tradition 1, and we'll talk about the tradition, and then we'll talk about the how that tradition applies to relationships. And it's and if you're not in a marriage or in a committed relationship, it can work in any kind of relationship. Family relationships, job relationships, any type of relationships. The traditions are given to us so that they can show us how to get along with each other.

The steps teach me how to get along marriages, marriages, parents, jobs, whatever, friends. So that's kind of a rundown on what we're gonna do this morning, or today, all of today. And first, I'm gonna introduce give you Dave introduce you to Dave. You most of you heard him last night. And he's gonna give us an overview of the history of Alcoholics Anonymous and how the traditions came to be.

Okay, Dave. Good morning, everybody. My name is Dave. I'm an alcoholic. Good morning.

I wanna welcome all of you here, all those of you from, from NA and SLAA and Al Anon and and, GA. Although, I don't think we have any yet from GA. Did I leave anybody out? Anyway, whatever your affiliation, we're we're very glad you're here, and, we hope you're glad you're here. And so I would like to start this morning with a prayer I got from a from a Catholic priest at a at an AA AA convention in California about, 5 or 6 or 7 or 8 years ago.

And he had written this prayer. His name was father John m. And he had written this prayer, and it just really touched me. And and I went out to tell him after the after the, meeting that, you know, that I I had really been touched by his prayer, and he said, it's yours. And he gave it to me, and so I use it.

And that reminds me, before I start the prayer, to let you know that that this prayer, we we use some notes when we do this workshop, so we can stay focused and stay on the subject and not wander off into something else. And, so these notes, which you don't need, we don't we don't feel we don't usually follow them anyway. They have all the they have the essence of what we're gonna say in them, but I am going to send the prayer that we're gonna use and the notes and and all kinds of other stuff, to somebody here, probably Aynor. And, we they're gonna put it on the website. So those of you who know about the website, CPH 12 is the website.

And, if if if you don't, if you don't understand what I'm saying right now, anybody with one of those white badges on can tell you if you need more information. But, I just wanted you to know that that, that way you know, otherwise, we have to carry around a big suitcase full of copies. And, one of 2 things always happens. We have too many, or we don't have enough. And, so that's that's the way we'll do it.

So you're all welcome to have it, and, I intend to send that to him as soon as I get back, which will be about a week and a half or 2 weeks. And he and he says he it will have be on the website within a couple of days after he gets it. So it won't be too long, probably about 2 weeks, and it should be up there. K. So the prayer that I wanna start with, is entitled, gracias.

God, I know you aren't necessarily impressed and certainly not fooled by my appearance here, but let me invoke you now to remember why I go to meetings. I address you. Power of breathing, power of life, my higher power, heart of my heart, you have done remarkable things. New astonishing deeds of power, and yet so much is left undone. Let me be breathe this bit of unfinished freedom before I begin my appeal for breath and heartbeat, a place to stand, and language to complain.

Thank you. Now that I am breathing in and out, should I simply stand here till you come? How should I await your always late arrival? My family is not perfected. Utopia is betrayed, and still I should thank you for making me wait to worry and wonder why so much is yet undone.

Massey says, if you pray, don't worry. If you worry, don't pray. No point in doing both. You know I am unknown, and you simply are everywhere. Everywhere you are known in the wonder of these gatherings of brothers and sisters of the spirit.

In our meetings, you have promised to make us known to ourselves. Perhaps that's why I stay away sometimes or learn to report on how I've handled the near past where you aren't instead of the near flammable present where you are. Where breathing and standing interrupt my thinking and clear a space in the warehouse of my soul. I wonder if you'll set me afire again. I'm afraid you won't.

But then the blessing is invoked when we call our names and ritually identify the soul sickness and know a new thanksgiving. I'm pulled again beyond my thoughts to live in this moment of undeserved, unearned grace. Grace. For undeserved Amen. Okay.

Here's what we're gonna do. Tell them what you're gonna tell them, tell them, and then tell them what you told them. We're gonna talk about, first, some characteristics of, Alcoholics Anonymous and the and the other programs that are represented here. And then we're gonna talk a little bit about a very brief, history so we get some sense of what led up to AA and 12 step programs in general and then, what happened to us. So, the the first thing that I wanna do is, tell you that most of what we're gonna be sharing today is based on our personal adventures both before and since our marriage.

And and and so what we wanna share with you is what actually happened. K? What happened to us, what we did as opposed to what we think you should do. We are the emphasis is on our experience rather than our opinion of what you should do. You know, it's a funny thing.

If I talk talk to you about you, you get angry and defensive. At least, if you talk to me about me, that's I do. But if I talk to you about me, I give you an opportunity to quietly think in your own mind. Oh, I do that too. And you don't have to admit anything out loud.

So, what was, the problem? Polly and I were married on October 27, 1980, and each of us believes that we have the most wonderful mate in the whole wide world. And and I hope you feel that way about the people with whom you have relationships, whether they're whether they're children or or marriage partners or girlfriends or boyfriends or whatever, or just friends. However, I am not Polly's first husband, and she is not my first wife. I had 3 marriages before Polly, all ending in abysmal failure.

There were no smiles and friendly handshakes when they split up. And as, as one of our Al Anon friends likes to point out to me, Dave, you were the only common thread in all three failures. Smart alecky Al Anon. So what happens is they just dreary failure. Just dreary failure, you know, where everybody walks away feeling bad and and nobody's happy and all of that.

And, you know, and I look back and say, well, you know, well, what was the problem? You know? What was the problem? And the problem from my vantage point now is so easy to see. It's unbelievable.

I have no idea. Well, I I had a I had a spiritual malady throughout those marriages and throughout most of my life, so I I can see how I missed it. But the problem was that I was selfish and self centered. It's all about me. And as long as I wanna be selfish and self centered, my life is not ever gonna work.

You know? And as I said last night, being selfish and self centered doesn't mean you think well of yourself. It means you think only of yourself. So, you know, anytime things didn't go my way, I became restless and irritable and discontented and and, you know, and just fussy about my life. You know, I was just continually frustrated in my role as a husband because I didn't know what a husband was supposed to do or or anything and and what and I didn't like to do what I thought a husband was supposed to do.

And so I would I would evade it every time I got a chance, and my expectations were never met, you know. So, what what can you do about it? Well, what I have tried what we tried to do about it, what Polly and I tried to do about it when we began to have little little, problems in our marriage. And we've never had really big problems because we were both sober when we met and had been and had been sober for a few years. But, we tried some psychotherapy as a couple.

And, you know, we wanted to be on the on the fast track to realized ultimate reality marriage. You know, somehow we get the idea that, you know, it's just, you know, it's just it's just obsessive compulsive alcoholic thinking. You know? If here is if here is a path, a process called Alcoholics Anonymous that and we can proceed along this path at a reasonable pace, and our lives will come in will come into order. Perhaps if we went faster or took a shortcut, we could get there sooner.

I mean, does that sound like the kind of thinking that we do? So so we we just came to understand that there is no fast track. You know? Therapy, You know, our experience with the therapy that we tried to do is it was it was good for information purposes, but it didn't really heal us. You know, it helped us understand ourselves better, but it didn't really heal any problems.

It did it did not produce a psychic change. And, you know, psycho so psychotherapy, we believe, in our case, it informed us, but it did not heal us. God healed us. And, so it was occasionally helpful, but Alcoholics Anonymous has been indispensable. So, I wanna talk a little bit now about so in in other words, my my point being that, you know, it it is sometimes helpful in fact, I wanna stop and make this point.

It is sometimes helpful to have a third party if you're having relationship problems to kinda, you know, keep a lid on things. Polly and I have in the past sponsored women and men who happened to be married to each other. And we found that that, they would have an argument, and the wife would call Polly and tell her what the argument was about and what happened. And the husband would call me and tell me what the argument was about and what happened. And Polly and I would talk to each other, and it's like we were talking about 2 entirely different couples.

The stories were nothing alike. The facts were nothing alike. And, this one couple in particular, we finally just told them, look. We all 4 have to be together in the same room at the same time, talking among ourselves before we can do any more work here because you know? And and see, the thing is nobody meant to deceive.

Nobody was trying to distort the truth. It's just completely different perspectives on what happened. And so, anyway, sometimes it's very help so I I think that is where things like therapy, for example, can play a fantastic role in your life. If you just need somebody to kinda referee things and and say things like, like, no. No.

When he says this, he doesn't mean what you think he means. What he means is this. And, so, anyway, let's talk a little bit now about some characteristics of Alcoholics Anonymous and and 12 step programs that are like it. AA is an is an inclusive organization. We are not exclusive.

We look for reasons you should be here rather than ways to keep you out. We pride ourselves on saying that whenever anyone, anyone, anywhere reaches out for help, we want the hand of AA always to be there, and for that, I am responsible. In the US, we have a very large, commitment that took some time before it was formed, but we have a very large commitment that is generally referred to as hospitals nuts wards. We go to, we go to, therapy, places, you know, places that, where they have treatment centers. We welcome people from treatment centers into our AA meetings.

We we do everything we can to include everybody because the founders of our program said we don't want to deny anybody an opportunity to get sober. We do not have the right to tell anybody, sorry, but we can't we're not gonna help you. We have to help everybody. And, so that, that that means is that all alcoholics are welcome as members of Alcoholics Anonymous. How do you get to be a member?

You say, I'm a member. That's all. If you have a desire to stop drinking and you wanna be a member, you are. And nobody can do anything about that. You know, we cannot kick you out.

K? If you have a desire to stop drinking, there is nothing in Alcoholics Anonymous that will let us kick you out. If you come here drinking, as long as you're not disruptive, as long as you don't disrupt our meeting, you are welcome. If you have a desire to stop drinking, you're welcome. Many of us couldn't get here any other way.

You know, if I can't come drinking, I can't come. And it's it's not just okay with us that you are here. We want you here. You know, we want you here. And so the next point is that we demand nothing.

Our steps of recovery are suggested. The book says here, are the steps we took which are suggested we make within the within requirement for membership doesn't say you have to follow our suggestions. Requirement for membership didn't say it follow our suggestions. You know, and we have a lot of, people who don't like the thought that that the steps are suggested, but that word is in the book. You know?

Now my personal opinion that I have formed over the last 28 years is that I don't think you have much of a chance at all to have a happy life that you're going to enjoy living if you don't work the steps. You know? I mean, I I can't imagine I mean, I I would probably have long since committed hadn't worked the steps. You know? The fellowship is great, and it'll carry you for the 1st few days.

Maybe the 1st few weeks, maybe even a little longer than that, but eventually, eventually, we have to change. And hanging around with people and shaking hands and drinking coffee and smiling and telling jokes is a lot of fun, but it does not produce a psychic change. And if you don't have a psychic change, it says so in the book. And, you know, I I refer to that book as though it were some sort of a of a my attitude and and my and my words, referring to that book, or you might think is as though someone were referring to the holy Bible. And in my case, that's exactly carried away with this, don't you?

You know? But I have followed what's in that book, and my life is beyond my wildest expectation. So it's not casually, you know, or without any thought that I regard that book with such high esteem. It's because it has been so true in my life. It it it exactly explains me how I think, what I do, and what I can do if I don't like what I think and what I can do.

So our program is suggested. And and you can if if you don't like our suggestions, don't take them. You know, we have a standing offer at our group. You know, you come in and hang out with us and go to 90 meetings in 90 days, and we'll save your misery in a bag over here. And if you don't like what we have to offer, we'll give you your misery back, and you can go on your way.

AA is free. AA is essentially free. We don't have any money. We don't have any property, and it wouldn't do us any good to have money or property because all we do is fight over it. We'd fight over who gets to manage it, who gets to own it, who gets to control it, who gets to say what happens to it.

And, you know, we just we just can't do it. We we cannot we cannot handle money. We cannot handle property. We cannot handle prestige. You know?

That's why we're anonymous at the public level. You know? People we don't want somebody sitting up there as a somebody sitting up there as a celebrity saying, gee. I used to be bad, and now I'm good. And 15, you know, and 15 minutes later, they're drunk, and everybody's out there saying, see, I knew Alcoholics later, they're drunk, and everybody's out there saying, see, I knew Alcoholics Anonymous didn't work.

So, you know, we, the general service board of Alcoholics Anonymous, both, all the ones that I know about. There's 1 there's a general service board in New York, but each country has its own general service board. As far as I know, in every country, we the the general service board owes no money. Our our society owes no money to anybody. All of our bills are net 30, which means we if you back your truck up and deliver a load of books to us, we give you a check when you leave, in effect.

It's a net 30 day account. So, and we have a, we have a a a an auditing firm not affiliated with AA in any way that audits our books, and they decide what our prudent reserve of money should be. We don't even decide that ourselves. We we take their suggestion because we we would even in something like a prudent reserve, we'd spend the rest of our life arguing about what it should be. In addition to routine alcoholics, NAA, we have, neurotics and psychotics and sociopaths and thieves and liars and cheats, all by their own admission.

We have bleeding beacons and traditions lawyers. You know what a you know what a bleeding beacon is? A bleeding beacon is, usually some old guy who's sitting in the back griping about that's not the way it's supposed to be done. We used to do it this way. We don't we don't need to change.

And, you know, somehow, they skip over that thing in the book that says, God will constantly disclose more to you and to us. I maybe maybe they don't think god is disclosing anything to us, but, you know and and and you know what we can do about bleeding deacons? Just love them. That's all that's all we need to do. We don't need to do anything about it.

You know? People yet when you look at people's motives, you know, their motive is not it's not anything but good. You know, maybe you feel like they're misguided or something. People who have such strong opinions and, you know, whose whose attitude is why don't you be reasonable and do it my way? But, you know, everybody means well.

So that's a bleeding deacon. Traditions liars are, are people who have a a much deeper understanding of the traditions than most of the rest of us. And, and they, are convinced that they represent the true spirit of Alcoholics Anonymous, and they are willing to die for their way. And, so we have traditions lawyers. We have, we have an astonishing willingness to practice medicine and law and many other, professions, for which we have neither the education nor the credentials.

But, you know, there's always somebody around that will tell you if you take this medication, you're not sober. Or if you do this or if you do that, somehow you're disqualified from, from full or complete membership in AA. But we we can't be bothered with things like education and and credentials and so forth. AA has an ad hoc internal group that I call the REA, the Rules Enforcement Authority, which flies in the face, of our ideas regarding no leaders but trusted servants and our inspired concept of traditions, not rules. Isn't it great that we have traditions and not rules?

See, if you have rules, then violations can occur, and enforcement must follow violations. So can you imagine some kind of AA police? You know how long they'd last? You know? Somebody would have to call an ambulance before 5th.

You know? And and what this says is that is that, these self appointed people really feel like their their sense of propriety is easily offended, and we have to do it right. And they're and and they determine what right is. This is just the kind of people that we are. We just get that.

Now how have any of you ever been to an international AA conference? Yeah. There's one back there. We call them Bill Wilson's family reunions. They the last one was in Minneapolis.

The next one is in Toronto in, 2005. And be very careful before you go to that because I got a feeling that if you go to 1, you will never be able to not go to another one. You cannot imagine what it is like to have 50,000, 60,000 alcoholics in a major sports arena, holding hands and saying a prayer together. Somebody, when you get into the sports arena, you always have to go early, and they fill all the bleacher seats, and they have chairs all over the floor of the stadium, and they're all full. And somebody always brings those great big balls, and they just get knocked around all over the arena.

Balls just go flying everywhere. Everybody's laughing and smiling and hugging. There was a guy that had a truck, and he had the bed of his truck, completely full of soda and ice so that, people just walking by, members of a walking by, could have a soft drink, could have a cold drink. The the the energy is so good. I mean, the police think we are strange.

We we not only we not only obey them, you know, when they hold up their hand for us to not walk. We not only don't walk, we make sure nobody else walks either. So, you know, if you've never been to one of those, you know, we there are peep the opening ceremony at an international conference is called the flag ceremony. And every country who has a registered member is asked to present their flag at the opening flag ceremony. And they do it in alphabetical order and, you know, from from Albania to Zulu land.

And there there are, like, 50 the last time, there were over 75 countries represented, and 75 flags were presented. And and it is it is a very, very warm, beautiful weekend or few days. And, if if it all for you to go, you'll have a marvelous time. You will just have a marvelous time. So what makes all this possible?

You know? What makes it possible to to have a room like this where, you know, we have people who who come from different places and who have different ideas about life and who have different problems and who have who have, you know, different levels of sobriety, who plumbers and every you know, the entire spectrum of society is in Alcoholics Anonymous. We all have a high regard for each other. We all care about each other. We all help each other.

We all enjoy each other. How is that possible? How is it possible that we can do that? How is it possible that you can put 50 or 60 1,000 of us together in a stadium and have the kind of love and energy that that is in that stadium? And, this is and and that's not unusual to us.

That is routine. That is typical. You know? As I said before, we'll repeat now, you know, it doesn't matter. It doesn't ever matter who the speaker is.

Anybody be a speaker. You know, all you have to do to be a speaker is get comfortable. You know? Get to the point where you're you've lost enough fear that you can stand in front of a room full of people and talk. You know, where where's the magic?

Not here. Not in the speaker. The magic is in us getting together. You know, that's the magic. When we get together, something really magic happens.

And you can feel it and you can see it. And if you don't believe it, come up here and take a look. It's here. So, the magic, is because we are together, and the magic is because we have a set of traditions that allow that to happen. Wait a minute.

I'm having a senior moment. I forgot what I always say. Yeah. I I I regained myself, and I've regained my composure now. In my opinion, the step the traditions are much, much more important than the steps.

And and, I I was aghast the first time I heard somebody say that. But, they went on to explain, and I understand now, and I agree that the traditions are much more important because the steps allow me to personally recover from the disease I have, which is called alcoholism. If I don't work the steps, I get drunk. If we don't observe the traditions, we'll lose a a, and we'll all get drunk. And, you know, when Bill Wilsons first started putting these traditions together why do you think he did that?

He did it because everybody was arguing and began to argue and fight. In 19 in the mid 19 forties, I'll call argue and fight. In 19 in the mid 19 forties, Alcoholics Anonymous, in New York sent out a letter to all the groups that knew about and said, and asked those all those groups to please let us know what the requirements for membership are in your group. This is long before we had any traditions. And of the groups that replied, they put together a composite list of requirements.

And they looked at that list, and they said, you know, look at this. Our judgment is no better than it's ever been. This is terrible. If we put this list of requirements into effect, our founders could not join. Our founders would not be eligible for membership.

They don't meet the requirements. So we had the requirements because we I mean, we had traditions because we started fighting and squabbling over how we were gonna do things and what we were gonna do. And wouldn't you wouldn't you know that would happen? So now we have the traditions. And, so I wanna talk about, a little bit now about, you know, hopefully have made the case for having the traditions.

And I wanna tell you a little bit about some of the things that happened along the way before we got here. You know, Alcoholic Synodis is not the first group that ever called alcoholism a disease. There was a doctor in, 17 96 by the name of of, Benjamin Rush, in the city of Philadelphia who wrote a paper that is, fairly famous. I have a copy of it around here somewhere that that says, you know, he referred to alcoholism as a disease. And, as time went on from his definition of that, their idea was that if we can keep people I love this.

I'm sorry this was disproved before I came along. But the idea was that as long as you drink fermented spirits, you can't become an alcoholic. Yeah. As long as you just drink beer, and wine, you can't become an alcoholic. You only become an alcoholic if you start drinking hard liquor, you know, like vodka.

And and so a movement got started, based on doctor Rush's work called the temperance movement. And, that and used to sit around in 18 40 at Chase's Tavern in Baltimore. They sat around all day and drank. And, one day, this guy named Lyman Beecher is coming to town to give a lecture on temperance, and, they decided delegation came back to report that, you know, this temperances really seemed like a good thing. So they, they decided they would form a society, and they just they decided it should be called the Washingtonians after rejecting a few other equally good names.

And and they decided they would have weekly meetings and, that it would cost a nickel to join and, 2 and a half cents, a week after that to be a member. And, so they got everybody together. They developed a pledge, swearing off pledge, and started having, meetings in Chase's Tavern. And they they, didn't know what to do at their meetings, so they began to tell their stories. They began to share with each other what had happened to them.

This was in 1840, and they started getting sober. And missus Chase got tired of them ruining her customers. So she told them they couldn't have their Washingtonian meetings in her tavern anymore. You know? Get out.

But they they got to be very big, very large, very popular. And, but they just gradually faded away. And then later on, there was a group that was formed, and I I'm skipping a lot of this because it's it's not really, you know, all of that pertinent to what we're talking about today. But later on, the next really big group that came along was a group called the Oxford Group, and they this group was formed by a guy named Frank Buckman, just after the turn of the of the 20th century, 1927. Doesn't matter.

Early. And, it was found it was formed in, in Oxford. Called the Oxford Group because he was going to Oxford University at the time. And, it was just a religious organization, and it and it was like 1st century Christianity is what they were after. Okay?

One Christian sharing with another. No big buildings. No costumes. No liturgy, just one alcoholic sharing with another. And, the Oxford group was was was very well known and and was up until, the mid forties.

And and then it became the name was changed along the way to NBR something. Can't remember. But it was the Oxford group that gave Alcoholics Anonymous most of its program. The Oxford group had, the 4 absolutes, and then they also had 6 steps to recovery. And Bill Wilson took the Oxford group 6 steps and made 12 steps out of it.

Sound like an alcoholic to you? It does to me. And and and the point of this is is that our program was not invented by Bill Wilson and doctor Baum. When I was talking last night, I told you that a guy named Carl Jung, doctor Carl Jung, a psychiatrist a preeminent psychiatrist, one of the, one of the founders of contemporary psychotherapy, The only thing I know that can help you is some kind of religious experience, and I do not know how to induce that in you. I don't I don't know how to make that happen.

And what we have been shown in Alcoholics Anonymous, primarily because of the Oxford Group and the work that that they did in putting their thing together, their ideas of, you know, of 1 Christian sharing with another, is a way to have a spiritual awakening. Our 12th step says, having had a spiritual awakening as the result, not as a result, as the result of these steps. So we didn't invent anything here at AA. We simply adapted some principles that we got that came to us through the Oxford group, but they didn't invent them either. These are spiritual principles that that we have known about for 1000 of years.

It's nothing new. You know? You hear people say things like, what goes around comes around. You know? And and, many of us believe that to be true.

You know? Several 1000 years ago, the way they the way it was said, a couple of 1000 years ago, you're gonna reap what you sow. So we didn't we shouldn't invent anything here. We just found a way to have a spiritual awakening. So anyway, the Oxford group gave us all of that.

And, and we, we have early members of Alcoholics Anonymous used to go to Oxford group meetings all the time. In fact, the Oxford group was getting pretty annoyed with Bill Wilson because he kept bringing drunks to their meetings. And, you know, they said, you know, we're not we're not an alcoholic recovery program. You know? But but, they were true to their faith and didn't kick anybody out.

And I wanna I would like to tell you a quick little story. And, in fact, I just will. Has anybody ever heard of a guy named Jim Newton? I'm I'm gonna tell you about what I think are the footprints of God. Jim Newton was a young man and and, lived in New York City, and he dropped in an Oxford group meeting 1 night looking for a girl, trying to pick up on a girl, you know, find somebody to hit on.

And, and he, he was so taken, with what he he found there. His spirit was so touched that he became a member of the Oxford group. And, his his father later, shortly after that, moved to Florida, and Jim Newton went to Florida to live with his father. Well, they lived across the street, turned out, from a a man named Thomas Edison, who invented the light bulb and who's pretty well known in the world. And and, Thomas Edison had always had big birthday parties, and people came from all over the US and Europe to go to his birthday parties.

And, Jim Newton lived across he would be the master of ceremonies at the at Thomas Edison's birthday party. And one of the guys that came to that party was a guy named Harvey Firestone. And Harvey Firestone lived in Akron, Ohio, and he was the head of Firestone Tire and Rubber Company. So he liked Jim Newton a lot too. So he got Jim Newton to come to Akron and go to work for him at Firestone Tire and Rubber.

So he got there, and, after a few years there, turned out that Harvey Firestone's son, Bud, was a very bad alcoholic. And Jim Newton said, I'll go with him to a sanitarium in New York, and it was like a 30 day day treatment program. I mean, this was back in the in the 19 thirties. So it wasn't quite as refined as it is today, and it wasn't just for alcoholics, but it was a treatment program. And so Jim Newton went with Bud Firestone and stayed with him the whole 30 days because he was his friend and helped him through this treatment program and came home with him.

And and at that time, Frank Buckman, who was head of the who was still, the man in charge of the Oxford Group, the the head guy in the Oxford Group, was looking for a place to have a big conference, big Oxford Group Convention. And Harvey Firestone, in appreciation to Jim Newton for helping his son, agreed to have the have to provide all the space and everything needed for the Oxford Group Conference in Akron, Ohio. So the Oxford Group in New York City had found its way to Bill Wilson. And Bill Wilson, through the Oxford Group and their program, and through his friend, Debbie Thatcher, and a lot of other people in the Oxford Group. Sam Shoemaker, Rowland Hazard, a lot of other people.

So we have the Oxford group established in New York. Bill Wilson is in it, and Bill Wilson is sober. Jim Newton, also group conference was brought to Akron, Ohio. Group Conference was brought to Akron, Ohio. And as time went by, a lady named Henrietta and her friend, Anne Smith, doctor Bob's wife, became members of the Oxford group.

And they would have little prayer services for Bob Smith because he had a drinking problem. He was a drunk. Couldn't control it. And one of the people that was in the Oxford group was a was a minister who had who was a had a an Oxford group based church in Akron, Ohio. His name was Walter Tonks.

And in the Mayflower Hotel in in Akron, Ohio, there was a list of ministers on the wall, which was used to be very common in those days. And Bill Wilson had to go to Akron, and he had some kind of hot business deal. He was a big hustler, Wall Street hustler. And, he had some kind of hot business deal, and he got to Akron and the deal fell through, and he it was not gonna come to fruition, and he had wasted his time and his money. And, he was feeling very dejected and depressed.

And he was staying in the Mayflower Hotel, and he heard all these people in a bar. The glasses were tinkling, and the laughter was coming out, and he thought maybe I should just go have one drink. But by this time, he'd been sober 6 months, and God intervened in his life, I think. And instead, he went up to this telephone and looked for the name of a minister, and he found Walter Tonks. And he said, my name is Bill Wilson.

I'm from New York, and I'm an alcoholic. And I wonder if you could tell me I I I am having a really rough time, and I desperately need to talk to another alcoholic. Because by this time, he had figured out that the only way to keep what he had was to give it away. And doctor Tong I mean, yes. Doctor Tong said, I think I know somebody.

Let me get back to you. He called Henry at a cyberling, and, she said, I know somebody. She called Anne Smith, and doctor Bob had just gotten home, drunk as a skunk. And she said, there's a man here from New York who says he would like to talk to you about drinking. He's he's had a drinking problem, and he is he seems to be doing well with getting it under control, and he'd like to talk to you.

And, doctor Bob says, no way. Not a chance. I'm not going anywhere, and I'm not talking to anybody. So, she said, well, how about tomorrow? Well, in true alcoholic fashion, didn't we say that all the time?

You hit the heat up? Oh, yeah. Tomorrow. Oh, sure. Oh, yeah.

No problem. Yeah. Tomorrow's great. So she told, that they would be over to her house the next morning. The next morning, doc doctor Bob woke up, overhung, sick, and sorry, and said, okay.

I'm gonna give this guy 5 minutes, 15 minutes, and that's it. No more. So they went over to Henrietta Seiberling's house, to the gatehouse that she lived in on the Firestone estate, and doctor Bob and Bill Wilson went into the kitchen and had the first cup of a coffee. They didn't come out for 5 hours, and our program was born. And nobody's ever heard of Jim Nittin.

See, we had the Oxford group in New York. Jim carried it to Akron. Let it thrive. Got a minister named Walter Tungs got into it. Anne Smith, Henrietta Seiberling.

All these people were in the Oxford group, and then all this was in place when Bill Wilson came to town. And if to me, that those are the footprints of God. That that's just too too remarkable to believe otherwise. It is now 11 o'clock, and we're gonna take a 10 minute break. Smoke cigarettes.

Thank you. Okay. So, what what we need to have happen in life, in anything in life, and in relationships, it's no different. We we have to change. K?

We have to admit to ourselves that our way does not work. Our way has not ever worked, and our way is not ever going to work. And if you think that's harsh, let me point out to you that we are all in an AA convention. If our way worked, why would we be here? So we have to do something.

Change does not occur. You know, there's an old man named Chuck See who's dead now, but he used to say, you cannot think your way into good living. You must live your way into good thinking. And, so, you know, if if I wait till something appeals to my better judgment, judgment, I'm gonna be waiting a long time. A long time.

So, if if we want self esteem, we must do esteemable things. We cannot think esteemable thoughts. You know? If if we want respect, we must act in a respectable manner. If we want people to love us, we must be lovable.

We must be lovable people. So, unfortunately, what that means is that we are judged by our actions and not by our thoughts or our intentions. You know? I always that that's one thing. We have to change.

Another thing is that we have to be we have to do what we can to let go of all of our old baggage that we have clung to for so long. You know? We all bring with us baggage, you know, emotional baggage, and and, psychological baggage. And where do we get it? Well, we get it from our families, from our friends, from, you know, from growing up.

You know, many of us, probably most of us, came from homes that weren't all that great. You know? We came from dysfunctional homes. And that's not a slam at our parents. That's just simply the way things were.

You know? I mean, so did they. They came from dysfunctional homes. All they did was give us what was given to them. You know?

Isn't that what we did with our kids? That's what I did with my kids. That's why all my marriages didn't work. I put out what I got at home. And I didn't mean to do that, but I did.

So we have, you know, we have a lot of ideas about that that we are willing socks are folded. You see arguments over how socks are folded. You know? You see arguments over whether the the toilet paper should roll over the top or under the bottom. We we can fight over anything.

You know? How much salt should be put on the food, if any? You know? What spices should be used or not used? You know?