The South Carolina Area Assembly

I'm David Thatch and I'm an alcoholic. Hi, David. And I've been sober since March 9, 1992. And I'm a member of the primary purpose group up in Spartanburg. One of the greatest group of alcoholics I've ever spent time with in AA.

And I hope, you know, at the end of this, I'll get to tell you a little bit about them. I try to do that anytime I can. Before I get started, I want to tell you one thing. Dang. This is scary.

You know? I forgot my whole story sitting over there while they were reading. Yeah. I'm told I'm supposed to tell you in a general way what I was like, what happened, and what I'm like now. So that means I'm not gonna do a fist step.

That means I'm gonna try to, you know, keep it general and, try to get to what it's like now because that's important. I'm told I'm supposed to do that in order to tell you how I came to find a relationship with a higher power that allows me to stay sober today. And I'm gonna do my best. I'm getting better at that. In the beginning, it was difficult.

You know, I came to this thing as an atheist and did not want to find a higher power and was finally left with no choice but find a higher power. So, you know, it's kinda hard for me to tell you how that happened sometime. So I'll get on with my story and see if we can figure that out. I was born in Pascagoula, Mississippi. And, shortly thereafter my family moved to South Carolina by the time I was about 3.

So I've been in South Carolina basically my whole life except in and out with school and in Spartanburg most of that time. Growing up around my house, you know, about 5, maybe 10 years ago, I'd have told you I was brought up in this abusive home and all these awful things that happened. But, I've listened to a lot of fist ups since I've been in this program. And I've learned that a lot of people had it really bad. And I was very fortunate.

You know, I was very fortunate to grow up as I did. But there was a lot of yelling and screaming and, you know, being told I was lazy or I was stupid or things like that. You know, things that left me basically feeling like I was lazy and stupid and didn't really measure up anywhere I was. And, that's the thing I remember most about childhood was, being uncomfortable wherever I was. You know, feeling like I was in the wrong place at the wrong time, being embarrassed.

Basically, walking into a room feeling like I had a booger on my nose and my fly down. You know? I feel like that right now. You know? But, you know, that's how it was for me.

So, you know, by the time I found alcohol, I was ready for a solution. Prior to finding alcohol though, I'd found a solution. You know, what I'd done was something I found to be the solution today. As, I've gotten real involved with my church, you know, real involved with God and real involved with Boy Scouts. And what it was, was about that that was so helpful to me was the service projects that we did for underprivileged kids and, things like that, you know.

And what I found that when I when I help you, it makes me feel better about me, me feel closer to God and closer to you. And I found that to be my solution today too. But, what happened with all that is, I was a shy little embarrassed kid, you know. And at some point, some little project I did for the children's our children's unit hospital downtown got attention. And it was announced in my school and it wasn't cool.

You know, I was really embarrassed. And I just dropped all that, you know. I dropped the service things. I dropped God. I dropped the whole thing.

And shortly after that, found alcohol. To be honest with you, you know, I gotta tell you my story as it is. First thing I found was marijuana. First thing I got into was drugs, you know. They were illegal.

So they were a lot easier for a little kid to get than alcohol. And, so that's what I got into first. And, all throughout my story drugs are there. I'm not going to talk to y'all about it because for a couple of reasons. One, this is Alcoholics Anonymous and I understand and respect our sinfulness purpose.

And number 2, I'm not an addict. You know, I walked in and had a lot of people try to convince me otherwise. But what I found in looking back at my story that I quit all that by a simple decision to stop doing it and not hang around with the same people. I didn't ever work with alcohol, You know, a simple decision to quit was not enough or I wouldn't be here, you know, I wouldn't be here tonight. So that's about enough of that.

Shortly after that though, I found alcohol. We, we got to pursue an alcohol. It wasn't something I found by accident. We, we heard it worked, you know. And, we sought out somebody to get something for us and it was a friend's sister.

And we were going to a little middle school dance and we were little kids, 12, 13. And, she bought what she thought little kids could drink. So I had my first drink on malt duck. Awful stuff, you know. It was awful stuff.

I y'all laugh so you must know what it is. I don't have to explain that. There's some places, you know, they just look and so I have to explain what it is. But, you know, what happened that night is, what I read later in the doctor's opinion. This first part of what makes me an alcoholic is when I drank enough to feel it, I got a craving for more of the same.

You know, that happened from day 1 with me. I didn't drink my way into alcoholism. From the first drink, I got a craving for more. And I drank all I had. The kids with me drank what they could.

You know? They, also aren't in an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting tonight. But, they drank what they could. I drank all I had. They got drunk and got in a lot of trouble.

What happened with me when I got drunk was I got comfortable. You know, and it was about the first time in my life where I felt okay. And we were a little dance and I'm a shy kid, scared of girl, scared of everything. And I was immediately comfortable and okay. And And, I pursued that with a vengeance after that.

You know, I'd have been foolish not doing anything that worked that quick, you know. And, so I pursued alcohol from then on. You know, early on, I wasn't drinking every day or anything like that. I'm still a small kid and it's hard to get. But, by the time I got to high school I was pretty regular drunk, you know, not every day, not all day, but at least 4 times a week.

And what I did was set things up to where, you know, I had a job with alcoholics so we could drink. And I had ways of getting out of the house. I was an artist learning to paint, working with an artist who was an alcoholic. We could drink there. You know, I set things up a lot around drinking.

And, also I got away with it pretty easily because I was an honor student, you know. I was, one of the kids that they expected to succeed. And whenever anything in my behavior was questionable, you know, they kind of excused it for me because, I was one of the kids I thought would do well. So I didn't get in a lot of trouble through high school. I mean, I was one of the first people kicked out of South Carolina Governor's School for the Arts, you know, based on alcoholism.

But then what happened because I was one of those good kids, they also came back and reinstated me. You know, as I always kinda got away with things early on. Not for real long, but at that time. I think where my drinking changed for me is when I went to college. You know, I got down there and I didn't have anybody to answer to.

Got away from the family, you know, that kind of thing. Things, you know, things were bad at home, so that was good to get away from that. And I didn't have anybody to answer to and I could drink when I wanted to. And so I got to doing the daily drinking. Same thing happened down there was I got a lot of excuses for my drinking.

I was a scholarship student. I was one of those they expect to do well. I was an art student at University of Georgia. And, art students were supposed to be kind of goofy, you know. And, I was really goofy, you know.

But, you know, I could get away with drinking. That was all part of the thing. I could drink in class. I could, you know, whatever, you know. I could get away with it.

And really didn't have a lot of, you know, a lot of people question that for a while. Went on like that for a little while. I think my drinking probably changed by the time I was about 19. What, what happened when I was 19 is I started getting what we get, you know, waking up in the morning with the shakes, sweating, you know, vibrating. And I found that if I took a drink in the morning, then things would be okay.

That settled down. And, what happens when I take a drink in the mornings? I get a craving for more of the same and I don't have myself drinking much a day. And, it went started like that, you know. And I was a daily drunk.

And I wasn't drinking 24 hours out of the day, but I'd get up in the morning, you know, take enough get enough in me to be okay, get on to class, at lunch, go drink enough to be okay. And then in the evening, drink till I fell asleep. And just did like that daily. And, you know, my drinking career is not that long. Or it's not that long before I got to need to quit.

And, by the time I was 20 years old, that was taking its toll. And this this kid they expected to succeed couldn't show up to class, you know. And, and I was having a lot of trouble. And I had my first contact with Alcoholics Anonymous by the time I was about 20 years old. I hadn't been, you know, getting to class.

I've been having a lot of trouble staying sick. And, one of the best friends I had in the world, she came to me and said, David, you know, I don't know what to do and I don't know how to help And maybe these people can. And she gave me a little card where she had written Alcoholics Anonymous and put the phone number of their answering service down on it. And, I looked at that and I drank on that a little while and, contemplated that, you know. And I don't know how long it was.

It may have been a day. It may have been 2, 3. And, and I called. And, God bless this guy that answered the phone. He, I know he was doing everything he knew how to do to the best of his ability.

But we got talking and I said, what do I do with those meetings? You know? And he said, well, we drink coffee and talk. Okay. You know, that's alright.

And we talked a little more, and he said, you know, we really don't have anyone as young as you in our group. And I thought about that, and I said, well, you know, that's right. You know, alcoholics are usually pretty old. You know, like, at least 30. You know?

And, and I thanked him and I hung up the phone and that was my last contact with Alcoholics Anonymous for a little while. You know, I managed to get through school, you know, doing doing okay. Grades were good and all that. Behavior was awful. But, I I went on to graduate school.

And the game changed up there for me. You know, down in Athens, Georgia, it was all right to be a goofy art student. You know, to be drunk. You know, I could get away with a lot down there. I got up to Eastern North Carolina, and that was a conservative bunch of folks.

And, you know, I'm a graduate assistant, and I'm moving a refrigerator to keep my beer in into the studio, and I didn't look too kindly on that. You know? They started questioning what they had there. And, and what happened up there in Eastern North Carolina for me was, you know, the reason alcohol became so important before then was it allowed me to do things I couldn't do. You know, it allowed me to talk in front of other people.

I mean, stuff like this scared me to Always been scared of talking in front of people. It, you know, it let me just do the things I need to do. Well, I got up to East Carolina up there and, the thing that had always been my solution became the problem. And kept me from being able to do what I needed to do, and kept me from fulfilling obligations. And they're paying me to be there, and I couldn't do it.

And I did the best I knew how for a while, and then I had to start looking for a solution. And, I found a solution As I decided I'd quit school with good grades and come back to Spartanburg and marry this girl I'd been dating. That that would solve it, You know? When I got married, everything would be alright. Everything wasn't alright.

Not a doll. Because, you know, I brought that drinking and behavior back. And, and I wouldn't, you know, I barely work and I was selling smart work and doing that kind of thing. And she's working all the time to help support this cause. And, what happened within, you know, 3 or 4 months of that is, alcohol turned on me in a way that I didn't expect was I became everything I ever hated.

You know, I became a violent angry drunk just about every time I drank. Not every time, but nearly. Violent, angry, verbally abusive to this girl. And, who all she wanted to do was love me and marry me, you know. And, what happened, you know, what happened to begin to change things for me was during this time.

And I it sometimes, you know, we do a lot of arguing. I do a lot of hollering and screaming. But at some point during this thing, I hit her. You know? And, there might be a lot of people sitting around here.

That's not the worst thing they could think of doing, but for me, that's the worst thing I could think of doing, was, hitting this little 95 pound 5 foot tall girl, who I said I loved. And, you know, I woke up the next morning. What it was was in the past, you know, I do a lot of stuff while drinking. And, excuse it away by saying, well, I was drunk, you know. It won't happen again or make something up.

You know, there wasn't any excuse for this. You know, I couldn't say, well, I was drinking, you know, we all right. It wasn't all right. You know, and there wasn't really any way for me to look in the mirror without wanting to vomit. And, so I had to do something about my drinking, you know, and I was making some promises to do some things.

So I went and I sat outside in the AA meeting and watched y'all come in and go and couldn't go in, you know. But, but I did start a a career of trying to not drink, you know. I didn't find AA real easy, you know. I didn't say, well, I need to stop drinking. Let's go to Alcoholics Anonymous.

I I began first, you know, I went to my doctor. And, I talked to him about what been going on. I think I was a little bit honest with him. And, you know, told him what my drinking was like and told him I needed to quit. And he agreed.

You know, he heard that and said, well, yeah. I think you do. And let me write you a prescription to help you not drink. And he wrote me a prescription for Xanax. Keep me calm while I'm not drinking.

That's right. You know? And, and I wasn't honest enough to tell him I've been taking that that anyway. And, and so I take that home when I'm trying to not drink, taking my Xanax. And it did what it always did, was created a craving for drink just like drinking did with me.

And, so it wasn't long till I was drinking again, and I got just as violent and angry and nasty again and had to stop. And, I went back to this doctor and said, you know, don't you have something that would make me sick if I drink? You know, I I really need to stop drinking. He agreed I need to stop drinking. He said, yeah, we do have something.

It's called an abuse. And I want you to read this. And he threw some stuff at me that bottom line when you read it says, you know, if you take a drink on this, it's gonna make you really sick and you might die. And I read that and I was like, well, I don't want a drink. And dine might be good.

So, you know, yeah. Give me that. And, so I started taking my interviews. And, drinking coffee and trying to do what I know y'all supposed to do when you're not drinking. And, what happened?

I don't know how long it was into that, you know? 2 weeks, a month, something like that. What happened to me is what the book tells me my real problem is. You know, book tells me about squiggly writing in chapter 3, you know, where I started thinking. And, what happened was, you know, I'm taking my Antabuse because I don't wanna drink.

And it might, you know, and I really believe it might kill me if I drink on it. And I start thinking, well, now I wonder how much you have drink on that for it killed you. And and so I so I proceed like a period of really social drinking. My only period of social drinking, you know, of sipping on a beer until I turn beet red and start sweating and feel like somebody stabbed me in the head and start breathing real heavy and and ease back off a little bit. When that when that get a little better, sip on that beer again until it felt like somebody stabbed me here.

And I don't mean guzzle a beer. I mean sipping at it until you feel it, you know. And, I ain't social drinking, you know. And, I'm hanging around with friends. You know, my friends weren't alcoholic.

You know, my friends were regular folks that, you know, they may over drink a time or 2 or go out and plan to over drink, but they planned it. You know? And they could go home when they wanted to. And I'm sitting around doing my interviews drinking with these guys, you know? And I'm they're drinking what they want and I'm beat red over on the end of the table.

After a while, that got embarrassing, you know. And it got real. I'm uncomfortable. And so, you know, I start thinking again. And, and I start thinking, well, this Anabuse is gonna kill me if I continue to drink on it, so I quit taking antabuse.

And and that's what my problem is. That's my real problem. As, that really not want the drink, starting out in the morning, don't want to take a drink. I'm taking something hopefully make me sick if I take a drink. And by the end of the day, I'm trying to figure out how I can drink on it.

And that seems okay. You know, it says alcohol to the alcoholic, you know, his life's the only normal one. That was it. It seemed normal to me. Well, you know, I mean, what happened when I quit taking the antabuse and discontinued on drinking was that wife got bright and she quit taking any of that, you know, and she left.

And so I realized, you know, well, she was the problem anyway. As most of the trouble I've had around drinking involve her. And, so I can probably drink. And, wasn't real long after that, the law picked me up again. And they said, no.

You can't drink. You know? Or at least, son, you're not driving on the streets when you do. And, so I, you know, needed a solution again. It was time to stop drinking, you know.

I'm in trouble again. And I'm back living with mom and dad, you know, trying to drink in the basement and all that. Living down there like a troll. And, and so I'm trying not to drink. And, so I get the idea.

I'm gonna go to a counselor, You know? That's gonna help me. And so what I do is I'm real nervous talking to folks, especially if they wanna talk about me. You know? Or they won't you know, not comfortable.

So I drink about a 6 pack and I'd go talk to the counselor about not drinking. And I did this twice a week, week after week, for I don't know how long. You know, drink a 6 pack and go talk to this guy about not drinking because I don't wanna drink. And I'm paying him to help me not drink and drinking on the way to go talk to him about not drinking. And that made sense.

It it made sense to me. Maybe not him, but but it made sense. And I think, you know, I think what was going on during that time was at what happened with me later in Alcoholics Anonymous was I thought he was gonna say something magic. You know, he was gonna give me some answer that all of a sudden I'm not gonna wanna drink again. You know?

And I'm gonna drink my way on till, you know, he gives me that thing. But I was thinking, what? A little self knowledge might fix it. If I knew enough about me or this thing or something, I wouldn't drink anymore. But what happened, I guess, you know, was my 6 turned into some more and I forgot to go, and so I left that off.

And, I don't know. I was willing to go to any lengths though, so I looked up a minister. And that didn't work any better going drinking, talking to him. You know? And I didn't stop drinking.

And, I don't know, you know. It just, it got strange. And things were getting really bad at home, you know. I told you I was living in a basement like a troll and with my family. And, you know, things got worse around my house than I ever thought they could.

You know, when I started drinking, you know, it was bad growing up, but when I started drinking, I started reacting and shooting my mouth off, and that made it worse. And what happened down there was, you know, my 25th birthday, we celebrated by me and my dad beating each other up in the driveway, you know. As as that's how it was. And, you know, that was another one of those things I just couldn't believe, you know, had happened. It was like that.

And, I wanted another solution and I thought I found one as I need another woman. And this one was a bartender. I figured, well, you know, she'd understand. You know? She's been serving me all this stuff.

She's not gonna suddenly tell me, you know, well, you drink too much. You know? She's been giving me this stuff. She didn't understand. You know, what happened was, you know, she was she was just as angry and just as violent as I was without drinking.

And, that didn't make for a good combination at all. And what would happen though was in the end, you know, was while we were out there screaming and yelling, knocking each other down, cussing, throwing things, her little 12 year old girl was laying back in the back listening to all that. And, just like back when I hit that wife, I couldn't get up the next morning and feel like that was alright. That little girl had to lay there and worry and listen and and hear that kind of thing night after night. And, I really needed to quit drinking, you know.

I've been fighting with my dad. I've been fighting with the girl. You know, nothing's okay in my life, you know. Nothing's alright. And I needed a solution.

And, I've used up the doctors, and the counselors, and the minister, and what I knew, reading books about not drinking, and any kind of thing I could think of. I tried the exercise program. That's gonna quit. You know, I tried everything. And I was out of solutions and, you know, I told you I was gonna try and tell you how I came to believe in God in this thing.

And, and it wasn't really easy. And I think I've come to a belief in a higher power by looking back. You know, looking back at my life and seeing that he was there when I wasn't paying any attention. And mostly the the people I needed were at the place I needed when I was ready. Each time.

Each time. And, what happened was I was getting ready. And, back when I was doing this anti abuse drinking, I'd met a guy I was working with. And he, you know, he introduced himself to me and let me know. He was a sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous.

And I was working with this guy. He never told me I needed to go. He knew I was doing the hand abuse thing. And he was just laughing. He loved that.

But I guess I would now, but, you know, it seemed you know, he just loved that. But he never you know, he said, I just I found this works for me. And, you know, he never told me I had to go. But, what happened was, you know, leaving that job and some of this stuff I was talking about going on, I lost track of him. I didn't know where he was.

I think he had moved and I had moved and we wouldn't know how to find each other if we had to. And I was going one morning down to get the paper and he just happened to drive by. And he stopped. And I could've missed this guy by 10 seconds, you know, either way. And he was just right there and I didn't walk up to him and say I'm ready to quit drinking, you know.

It wasn't like that. It just put him where he needed to be, you know. I got him a job where I worked and, just put him where he needed to be. And then, you know, a lot of this stuff happened. And, I got ready and I just said, you know, hey, what do y'all do with those meetings?

That's my question when I'm gonna go to AA. What do y'all do at those meetings? And, and he gave me an answer that wasn't profound. It wasn't your big book. It wasn't big 12 step work.

Well, it was for me, but, wasn't anything special. He just said, David, what why you go to bars? And I said, well, to be around people I have something in common with, you know, just so I don't have to be by myself and people to talk to him. He said, David, that's all we do in AA. We just don't drink while we're doing it.

Nothing profound, you know. And I agreed to God. And he came down the next day and picked me up and took me to one of those meetings. My first AA meeting. And I couldn't tell you.

Now I'd like to yeah. I walked into that thing, and, oh, I heard the message and got struck sober and all that. And I don't remember what went on. I I know my head hurt. I was sweating.

I stunk and I was shaking. And, it was bright, you know. And I think the building was yellow at that time. Made it even worse, you know. I was yelling bright.

And, and I picked up one of those chips when they offered them at the end. I think it was only because Ron leaned over and went, you know. And, but what happened was, you know, the next day I wanted to go again. I guess I'd sense there was some sort of answer there. I didn't know what was going on there, but I I think I sense that was my only choice, you know, and I wanted to go again.

Like to tell you, you know, that was it. And I got sober. It wasn't like that for me, you know, another number of years before I got sober. And truth was, I walked into a group full of crazy people. You know, I walked into a group run by crazy people and newcomers.

And all the crazy people came up and offered me help. You know? And I I'm at pathological liars that would come up and offer me a job when I needed work, When they weren't working themselves, I couldn't find one if they needed it. You know, another one that moved himself into my house and ate everything I had in the fridge, brought his dog with him to sleep on me. And another guy who, you know, I was in I was trying to stay sober.

I couldn't make it more than a day or 2. But, you know, I called him. He said, well, I'm down at this address. Come meet me. And I go down there.

It's a little bar. And and I go in there to see him. I don't know. I guess I you know. Alright.

Some of y'all must hang out there. I don't know. And I went in, and he's drinking, and tell me he's picking up a 90 day trip tomorrow. I know that's not right. You know?

I know they mean in a row. You know? 90 days in a row. And and I don't wanna drink. You know?

I'm not drinking because I wanna drink. I don't wanna drink. And I know that's not right. You know? And and what happened during this summer of Alcoholics Anonymous was, that girl that I'd been fighting with who really wanted me to go to AA decided she didn't want me to go to AA anymore.

She'd been meeting some of them and she didn't want me to have what they had because they kept threatening to give me what they got. And, so she gave me permission to stop going to AA and I stopped. And, and I went on drinking for about another 6, maybe 9 months. Drinking was different this time. It wasn't the kind of drinking you do because you want to drink.

You know, it's kind of drinking you do when you got a drink. You can't stop. And it just grew worse and worse, faster and faster than I thought it could. And, what happened, at some point, I experienced something I'd never experienced before in alcoholism. I've been through morning jitters and shakes and vomiting and arrests and violence and all that.

But I experienced something I had experienced, which was DTs. Because I found out if I quit drinking too quickly, stuff happened. You know, stuff happened. And, I spent a night, just shaking and jerking and crawling around on the floor hearing sirens and ambulances trying to get to a phone. And if I coulda dialed, I'da done it, you know, and got somebody over there pick me up, take me somewhere.

And, got up. I don't I don't know how long that went on. You know? I have no idea. And, but got up sometime the next day or so and realized, you know what?

I need to call a a again. And, part of having the right people where I need them at the right time, you know, was this thing too. Was I on I called the man. There my first meeting I went to, the guy introduced me to another man in the program. And this guy gave me a business card, you know, and I put it in my wallet and I kept it that whole time.

I knew where it was. And I called the number on that card and and Joe was there. And Joe was still sober and Alcoholics Anonymous. And I didn't realize at that time what a miracle that was for me. Because, I didn't realize the turnover rate we got in Alcoholics Anonymous.

See Joe wasn't sober but 90 days when he gave me that business card. And so when I call him up, he's just shy of a year. But, you know, I didn't realize how few people sitting in these meetings all across the country tonight aren't gonna be here next year when we are, you know. And, so I was in an absolute miracle he was there. And I asked him, can I come back?

You know, I didn't know if y'all let people come back when they quit, you know. And and he said, yeah. Yeah. You know, and I'll meet you there. And he became my first sponsor.

And, I'd like to say that I came into AA and I got sober and here we are tonight. It wasn't like that for me. It was at least a year and a half while I stopped drinking, you know. But and I try, you know. I I've made some efforts and some steps, you know.

I'd try and do the steps. I'd try and do things they told me. And I'd make it, like, 3 days and I'd drink. And then I'd make it a week and then I'd drink. And I'd make it another 2 days and I'd drink.

I keep picking up those white chips, you know. And and then I make it 30 days and all of a sudden get smart. And know how to stay sober and just start sharing. And gets drunk drunk on the way home, you know. And, you know, it's just like that for me, you know.

I picked up white chips till they stopped clapping. They just go. Mhmm. And and and then, you know, and then I realized, well, this is a day at a time thing. And I don't need to be picking up those chips because they're obviously the problem thinking about that chip, you know.

And take drunk again, you know. It just didn't did just happen like that for me. You know? I I just take drunk. That was what it was like for me.

And I think what the problem was is I didn't know what the problem was. You know? The meetings I was sitting in, they were telling me to choose not to drink today, and I didn't realize I couldn't. You know, they were telling me make a decision not to drink today, and I didn't realize that didn't matter. Didn't have anything to do with whether or not I drank that afternoon.

You know, I was hearing, you know, remember your last drunk. And I didn't know what the book tells me. Because there's time and place where that ain't gonna happen. You know, that that's a good tool when it works. But if I rely on it for sobriety, I'm gonna find myself struck drunk again.

Because the time and place is gonna come where I'm gonna forget how bad it was. I'm gonna forget about hitting that wife. I'm gonna forget about fighting in front of that little girl. I'm gonna forget all that and take a drink again, you know. I was here and play the tape all the way through.

When I'm ready to drink, there's no tape in the machine. You know? It just very often, I find myself drunk without even planning to take a drink an hour before that. I didn't realize that no will power based solution was going to be a solution for me. You know, I didn't know it was going to happen.

So I just kept picking up those chips. You know? And, I'd even one grandstand move, you know, got an AA girlfriend. She was staying sober, you know? And maybe that'd work.

She was staying sober, I wouldn't, you know. Tried everything I knew. Tried talking, tried not talking, tried just went on with it. And what happened? I went through this for about a year and a half.

You know, occasionally, I'd get to 90 days a couple times. And be so smart, they'd let me to your meeting and take drunk on the way home again. And what happened was at some point, I just got miserable. You know, as I've made at this point, made some really good friends in Alcoholics Anonymous. You know, some people that cared about me and I cared about them.

They were staying sober and I wouldn't. I'd cut out to drinking buddies, you know. I mean, all I had was me and y'all. And y'all were doing okay and I wouldn't. And that's a lonely place to be.

You know, it's a really lonely place to be. And, so somewhere around March 9, 92, you know, I supposed to chair a speaker meeting. Cheering the Friday night speaker meeting at my home group. I showed up drunk and cheered the meeting. You know?

They they let me cheer it, you know? And, well, you know, my girlfriend had enough of me. And my friends, you know, they were giving up. You know, they just I didn't know what else to do. And I go back home, you know, just miserable sitting on the couch like I'm the only person in the world.

And, my mother's gonna come into town that next day, and I want to stay sober just long enough so that she thinks I'm alright. You know, I don't want her to know how it is with me. And all I need to do is stay sober that day. And I was drunk by 10 o'clock that morning. You know.

And what happened was something in me broke. You know, something in me broke. It wasn't anything you guys could have given me. Is that thing in me that thought I could avoid taking the next drink was gone. You know, and I knew I was gonna die drunk.

I was positive, That there was nothing that could be done. I was gonna die drunk. And mom showed up, and I just said I need some help. Yeah. I need some help.

I've been resisting going somewhere. My sponsor had suggested a time or 2. It might be a good idea to take a little sobriety vacation. And I've been resisting going anywhere because, you know, I had important things tend to work or something like that. Well, you know, at this point, nothing mattered.

And I called my sponsor, Joe, and got him over, and he sat on the couch with me. And I said, Joe, I don't care if I lose my job and lose my house, and I don't care if I can't stick around and patch things up with Bill. Because I don't care, you know, if I could just not drink, and I had to do so living under a bridge, I'd be alright with me. I just don't want to drink anymore. And he said, David, I've been waiting a year and a half to hear this.

And, so my mom packed me up in the car and took me on off to Alabama. Like, tell you, I went to a treatment center. You know, I mean, if I had my way, you know, I'd have been in a a nice treatment center where they fed you well, and we talked about our issues. And and I found somebody to blame for my drinking and, you know, we all happy. But I found myself in a psych ward down in Alabama where people had part problems far greater than mine.

You know? God gave me what I needed, not what I wanted. And, what happened was God put before me people I needed to meet once again. And it was not long time sober alcoholics 12 steppin' me. It was, people like you know, I met a little girl with fetal alcohol syndrome.

A little girl named Natalie. And, she's about 15, you know. It looks like she's about 7, And she was always going to live in places like that. And that was alcoholism, and that wasn't her fault, you know. I met another little girl who really got next to me.

Was, she'd just come out of a body cast being thrown down a flight of stairs by our alcoholic father. And, she looked a lot like that daughter of that girl I mentioned earlier and, really got next to me. And, I met a couple other women abused by alcoholic husbands that end up there, you know. And I saw exactly what I needed to see. I saw a lot of people abused by other people's drinking.

Abused by people doing what I was doing when I drink. And, had no fault in it at all. And I paid attention, you know. It it it got to me. I began to understand a few things.

And, fortunately, before I got out of there, I met another guy. They brought him in on a wheelchair and he got talking. He had all kind of AA slogans, you know. Sounded good in discussion meeting, I'm sure. But he was in there with me.

And, I got talking to him and found out he'd been sober 25 years now at Colic's Anonymous. And, you know, had moved down that way, decided he didn't like how they did it. So he quit going. And being older, his wife passed on and he began drinking. And, you know, they rolled him in a wheelchair.

He wasn't even walking. He knew a lot of slogans, but he wasn't walking. And, and I came to understand a few things about Alcoholics Anonymous then too. I wouldn't wanna know. It's gonna be a lot about what I do.

And, I'm gonna have to do this for a right long time, you know. And, and I brought that home with me. And I came back just convinced I was gonna die drunk. I didn't leave that place thinking I was okay. I left it knowing I was coming back Spartanburg, die drunk sometime.

And just hoping, you know, I could hang in long enough where my folks wouldn't have to see it, you know. I just knew I wasn't gonna stay sober, you know, but I hadn't had a drink since that time. And I was wondering, you know, for a long time I wondered, you know, what's different this time? And, well, first thing, you know, something in me broke. I know that.