Pages 67 to 84 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous at the CPH12 v1 conference in Copenhagen, Denmark

Good morning, everyone. My name is Peter. I'm an alcoholic. God gave me a silver date of June 23, 1988, and, I'm a recovered member of Alcoholics Anonymous. Because of the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous and the program I found in this fellowship, sponsorship and working with others, and the God I have found in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.

I haven't found it necessary to pick up the drink in over 15 years. And that for me is a great miracle. Because prior to my, entrance into alcohols and arms in 1988, all I can do is drink or think about drinking. I was in total bondage of self and many other things. And, I stand I sit here this morning, pretty much free of a whole lot of things that kept me in bondage for so many years.

Yesterday, we talked about leaving the drink question aside to tell why living was so unsatisfactory. In my first 6 months in Alcoholics Anonymous, I had to drink aside. I was separated from alcohol, and yet my life was still unsatisfactory. I was running around Alcoholics Anonymous, all the time untreated. Not the occasional valley that we hit sometimes.

Not the occasional experience with fear that we experience sometimes. Not a little bit of anger that we experience sometimes. But I was in that place all the time. And December 20 I was separated from alcohol June 23, 1988. And December 22, 1988, I wanted to drink more than anything else in the whole world because the pain of living a sober life as I was living it was was just too too much to bear.

And I figured I might as well get drunk because that's what I know how to do, and, I was going for it to get relief. And, really through a series of circumstances and divine intervention, that didn't happen. Thank the good Lord. And, I showed up at a gentleman's house and I got to do some work in a big book, and I was brought home to New York. And, my life has been, as our book says, revolutionized because of what's going on in here.

One of the things that we're gonna be talk some of the things we're gonna be talking about this morning is steps 101112. And what I found with the disciplines in 1011, are really, removing, This whole thing about getting to this power is about removal. And the more that is removed of self, the the the depth of self for successful living, the more I'm away to the present moment. And there's a few teachers I have outside of Alcorp, synonymous that have helped me greatly. One of them is this gentleman by the name of Anthony D'Amello, and I'm gonna read a couple of things that he writes about I think would kinda like set us up for this morning.

Some of the questions you wanna sit with this morning, when we talk about the disciplines in 1011, specifically with step 11 with prayer meditation, is do I have a meditative life? How often do I sit in quiet? How often do I turn in? For me, it was about living, needing a whole lot of booze to live, and and now it's about experiencing a whole lot of this God in order to continue on this path. Do I have a meditative life?

Do I meditate? Many times in our folks anonymous, if you bring up the topic of meditation, you'll hear I know we do back home, is, well, prayer is listen prayer is talking and meditation is listening. And that's about all you're gonna get. Because, sadly, there's not enough meditation going on in our folks anonymous. It's just a practice that's been lost, and yet our book refers to it.

What am I what am I meditating about? What am I taking into meditation? What questions am I taking this power and sitting with? Am I getting quiet? Am I getting still?

I can't tell you how many times I've heard people say I meditate in my car on the way to work. How do you do that? It's about worshiping this power and sitting in quiet. I've I've I've I've done a lot of work with meditation and prayer and the disciplines of writing. I do lots and lots of writing.

Some people tell me I write too much. I'd rather overwrite and be free than to not write and be sick. And still with all of that, I hit my my valley sometimes. I do. But I always turn back to this and I'm because that I'm able to discuss things with other people.

So do you have a meditative life and what's that all about? Anthony de Mello writes here, some pretty neat things, in a book called Awareness. And, he says, if you're suffering, you're asleep. Do you wanna know, do you want a sign that you're asleep? Here it is.

You're suffering. Suffering is a sign that you're out of touch with truth. Suffering is given to you that you might open your eyes to the truth. That you might understand that there's falsehood somewhere. Just as physical pain is given to you so you will understand that there is a disease or illness somewhere, Suffering points out that there is falsehood somewhere.

Suffering occurs when you clash with reality, when your illusions clash with reality, when your falsehoods clash with truth, then you have suffering. Otherwise, there is no suffering. He goes on to write, why are you anxious? Can you, for all your anxieties, add a single moment to your life? Why bother about tomorrow?

Is there life after death? Will I survive after death? Why bother about tomorrow? Get into today. Someone said life is something that happens to us while we're make busy making other plans.

That's pathetic. Life, live in the present moment. This is the one of the things you will notice happening to you as you wake up. You will find yourself living in the present, tasting every moment as you live it. Another fairly good sign is when you hear the symphony, one one note after another without wanting to stop it.

He writes a whole lot and some of the other authors I've studied, really they're they're they're spiritual leaders, for me, teachers who are always talking about being mindful of this moment, living in this moment, paying attention to this breath. Yesterday, I talked about having to listen to the silence between the words. It keeps me here and now rather than being attached to my befores and later ons, being attached to futures. When that gets good, I will feel better. When they change, I will feel better.

When the weather is right, I will feel better. When I get enough money or the right job, I will feel better. Wrong. It's about me waking up spiritually and be able to deal with what's in front of me, being okay with what's in front of me. Being able to discuss about certain things with people what I'm not okay with.

Ego is eliminated. I'm able to share vulnerabilities and feel safe and protected in doing that. That's scary to do, but I find myself able to do it. And as I shared yesterday, most often, it's embraced. Step 10 talks about, continue to take personal inventory.

And when we are wrong, promptly admitted it. And that's the first thing Tom and I are gonna talk about this morning. There's 2 parts to this step, inventory, writing, and amends when we need to make amends. So we're going to open up to page 84. Middle of page 84.

I can't see. So and I didn't drink. I still can't see this morning. It says this thought brings us to step 10, which suggests we continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along. We vigorously commenced this way of living as we cleaned up the past.

Our book uses word like vigor, commence, now, next, words that refer to taking action, vigorously commence this way of living. And back in How It Works, they used a a similar, term, we way of life, way of living, manner of living. It's what we do. It isn't the occasional, well, I'm in a little bit of a jam, so I'll write some inventory. It's what we do.

Making amends is what we do. It says we have entered the world of the spirit. Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. And because we've entered the world of the spirit, or been rocketed, it doesn't mean I get free room and board now, and I'm able to kinda rest on my laurels and hang around. It says we've entered the world with a spirit.

We've we've had this spiritual experience. We've had this spiritual awakening. And what does it tell me to do? Next. A book is always moving us, always moving us.

Our next function, it tells us what we do, is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. So the question to consider is, what am I doing to grow in understanding and effectiveness? What kind of meditative life do I have? What kind of inventory life do I have? Am I living in all two sides of the triangle?

Am I continually to seek, and grow? It tells me this is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime. They give us some things to work with here. Continue to watch what's for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear.

A great word my sponsor had me work with, and he talks about this often, is the word watch. Another book talks about uses the word observe and aware. Great words to work with, watch, observe, aware. Not only what is around me, but also me. I become a witness to my own thoughts, if you will.

You ever notice how the thinking mind is constantly bombarding you with stuff? You're driving in your car and you're all over the place but really paying attention to driving. The boss, the wife, the kids, the job, the this, that, and you're getting bombarded money, and it's constantly bombarding you. The thinking mind is relentless, It's obsessive, and it just continually levels you. One of the things I found out is I am not my mind.

And if I can separate myself from that and almost become a witness to my thoughts, and instead of my thoughts using me, I use them. As a working part of the mind, like step 11 talks about, making plans for my day. My hopes, my dreams, my aspirations, that's a healthy thing. But when it's when it's on the flip side is my mind is running the show, and it's never ever taking me to a good place. I'm never gonna have enough money.

I'm never gonna have a good job. I'm never gonna have a good relationship. I didn't do this right. I didn't do that right. I did this wrong.

It's constantly bombarded. Need to learn how to separate and become a witness to my own thinking, watch, aware and observe me as if I was some other person. Many times you walk into a I speak at a lot of a lot of places. And it's real easy for me to it'd be real easy for me to walk into a room of maybe 4 or 500 people and say, oh, my God. They all don't like me.

I got to take my hat and go home. You know? Here's the speaker. Oh, no. That's what the thinking mind wants to do.

The spirit does just the opposite. I I walk shoulder to shoulder with you when I get there and I do my deal and I go home. The thinking mind wants to take me elsewhere. Same thing with all my affairs, taking this stuff into all my affairs. A great a great thing to work with, a gentleman talks about Eckhart Tolle talks about, if you could imagine for a moment that you have no name.

Work with that. Practice with that. You don't have a name. My name is Pete Marinelli. With that goes a whole lot of attachments and belief systems of what Pete Marinelli can do and can't do.

So when I walk into a room, it's Pete Marinelli walking in, and here come my limitations, here come my boundaries, here come my attachments, here come my belief systems, and I go nowhere. But I work with something for a while. I don't have a name at this moment. It's very scary because all of a sudden, all that stuff has no more attachment. There's a part of me that has all these belief systems.

Whether painful or not, it's who I be. That was a lie. I removed my name from the equation and suddenly I'm just a spirit, able to do anything. God, I spoke with the Bill W dinner dance in New York. It's a really big big deal in New York.

And, I I was dancing with my girlfriend till 1:30 in the morning. This was unheard of a few years ago. Because I didn't get attached to what people were gonna think of me and how I was gonna look and what I would sound like. I was just in the moment and it was pretty neat. I've worked with this for a while.

I don't have a name. I mean, I have a name legally, but in the spiritual sense, to remove my name from the equation, where does that leave me? My name is Tom. Peter was just sharing about being awake, and he shared about it, a while over the weekend. And, I think that's what they mean when they talk about we have entered the world of the spirit.

There were a lot of people, I wouldn't say a lot of it. There were a number of people in the United States on on Staten Island as well that use these steps as something that they must do, you know, just do, like it's something that I've gone through the steps, and that's it. They really don't understand sometimes, the effect that these steps have. As I mentioned, yesterday, we find God, whether we like it or not, by going through the steps 4 through 9 thoroughly and honestly. God is gonna show up.

I, my experience with entering the world of the spirit, the way I see it today, is my perception changes. And I wake up. The major thing that I woke up to was that it's not them. It's not them. Because anytime that I think that it's them, there there are great implications here.

The implication is to watch to watch, which as Peter mentioned is a spiritual principle. I'm not supposed to be sitting around and waiting for these things to happen. They will happen. So I watch the selfishness, that dishonesty, that resentment, and fear. And what does that mean to me?

What is the what are those spiritual terms in those words? They sound like negative connotations, but what do they really mean to me? The selfishness. I'm resentful at someone. So what, the book tells me inventory.

And I may miss miss it during the course of the day to write some inventory. But if I'm sitting at night and we'll get into a nightly review and a little bit in step 11, I'll get to catch myself. See, this is this is I've been to the world of spirit, and the key is to stay awake, to stay awake, not to fall asleep. Although we may, k, but we have disciplines. My situation is is that if I'm resentful, it's usually they say resentment is the number one offender, and and it's that way with me, you know, on my job and working, or I see my, my kids or something that I think that they should be doing.

My children are just one of god's kids as well. They're just as precious and sacred as I should consider myself on this planet. So when I get resentment, you know, for me, that's that's just a judgment. So if it's a judgment, that means I'm playing God again. And the reason I'm, you know, it's a judgment is because and I have to see that as a judgment because I may have shared what that person and what that person is doing or what he appears to be doing to me that I haven't done to him or someone else.

So they still live in delusion sometimes. That person shouldn't be doing the best he can with what he has at the present moment. I have people that I'm accountable in my life and I search them out. I may not even be accountable in terms of just but I I I listen to people that are on this path and the things that they say resonate in me. They make sense to me.

And I thank God today that I entered the world of the spirit where I have the opportunity to stay awake to that, to hear people. Because when I when this occurred in me, when it initially occurred in me over 9 years ago or about 9 years ago, it was a situation where I experienced a lot what I see the people from Iceland and the people from the Faroe Islands and a lot of your people from from, Denmark here. You know, there's a hunger and a thirst. And, I pray you never lose that. And, I'm I'm grateful that I have not lost that.

My friend Joe talks about, you know, like, gratitude. So what is gratitude? Gratitude comes from me in in a place of just it's an action. And that action comes back into that circle and the triangle that we began this, event with at the beginning of the weekend. And I have to be awake, and I have to be awake to the fact that I'm in that.

That is my starting point, to be connected to the fellowship and the people that are on this path. If that be my truth if that be my truth, as Peter mentioned, a close friend of ours, you know, started to do things instead of instead of, and he went right back out. It's so so important. You know? This this gave me a way of living, a design for living that really works.

And this in step 10 is basically, you know, like, a summarization of that. I've heard it called the maintenance step. The only maintaining that I should be doing is doing it regularly. It's not a matter of maintaining that. It's just I don't know I don't I don't know what people mean anymore by what they mean by maintenance.

And I was one of those people that used to share that, and I didn't even know what the hell I was talking about for years. You know? Asleep, looking good. I suffer from a human condition, as we all do, as a carpenter did 2000 years ago, as a lot of saints do. And I thank God that I'm awake to that human condition that I suffer from.

Because if I didn't, I would have no need for to go back to the one that has all power. When I'm not suffering, I'm not awake to my suffering, then I have a major problem. Then I'm doing things or escaping into things, even a methodology to fix me as if I'm the power. Back to page 84, where we left off to continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them.

We discuss them with someone immediately, make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone. So immediately, our first step is to turn to this power. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. Love and talents of others is our code. And, there was a gentleman when I started my last job, I was working with, I I never went to college, just about got out of high school.

And I was a blue collar worker, and I go to work for a white collar firm, what I thought was a prestigious firm. And, one of my, coworkers, believed he was my boss, my god. And, he let me know how many times he went to, this university that he attended and and all the, the awards he received. And, he was doing a really good job of intimidating the hell out of me. And I was getting fearful.

I was getting angry. I was getting vengeful, and I was having some ugly thoughts about how to, put this person in his place. And I knew it was not good for me. Me. And, I didn't know the white collar lingo was a little different than working on the docks.

I didn't even know how to send out an email to a proper sort of email to other workers. It was all new territory for me, and I was scared to death. And this guy went out of his way to make sure I stood in the place of fear. Well, guess what I had to do was write inventory on fears and anger, towards this person. And you wanna know something as I continue to write inventory on this person, discussed it with someone immediately, kept turning to God whenever I was in his presence.

When it says we resolutely turn our doors to someone, we can help. I never forget the afternoon he came to my office in New Jersey from New York, and there were some things going on. And I was able to turn my me to him and be helpful to him without anything in the middle of it. And I was pretty much aware of that. And I realized at this point, if that's where this person is, so be it.

I don't need to take what he's doing to me personally anymore. Shame on him. I was able to pray for that and go about my business. And if he was gonna judge me, then let him judge. But let me not judge him.

And you know what? We had a a working relationship, which was a whole lot better than the way I got into this firm and how we started off. So there was a huge amount of growth and freedom for me in that, and that was something I thought I was gonna have to take my hat and go home and go back to what I know how to do. And that is, you know, just work on the waterfront and never improve. So that was a pretty neat deal for me, and I've experienced things like that.

Before we get into the continuing with some more of this reading, step 10 talks about inventory. Some of us write out questions to to do our daily inventory IUs columns. We tend to think of inventory writing about a resentment or a fear, after the event takes place. Well, I had a resentment a few hours ago, so I'm gonna have to write my inventory. I'm going to an affair tonight, I'm going to a business dinner, I'm going to a wedding.

I'm going to a family gathering, and I'm already in a place of fear about attending. That happens sometimes. You know, I have to go to a business dinner. I'm feeling really insecure about going. I'm going to a Christmas party with my family.

I know uncle Joe is gonna be drunk again and ruin the party, that SOB, and, you know, we didn't even get there yet. I'm going on a date with with with the woman. Oh my god. How am I gonna look? What is she gonna think of me?

Is the hair right? The clothes? Oh my god, I should not I should call, cancel, make out I'm sick. I didn't get there yet. What do we do about that stuff?

Do we show up in this place and then when we get home, write inventory and ruin the occasion because I'm so consumed with meat? Well, what I was told to do is if I'm experiencing fear about something that's gonna take place in an hour from now, a half hour from now, tomorrow morning, why can't I put pen to paper now and see exactly what's going on with me now so when I get there, I'm awake and I'm there, and I'm rid of self. I turned to this power. I put pen to paper. I've done it.

I can't tell you how many times I've done it. Something's on the horizon that I have to attend and I'm experiencing fear or anger about it, and I wait don't wait till I get there. I write inventory now about what's going on with me because they're gonna do what they're gonna do and I have no control of other people's behavior, do I? So I put pen to paper and I write and I get there. And I will tell you, most often I'm in so much better place than before I put pen to paper and did some disciplines with with prayer meditation.

Next paragraph on the page, bottom of page 84, the last paragraph says, and we've cease fighting anything or anyone, even alcohol. And the first question we have to consider is currently, am I fighting anything or anyone? Leaving the drink question aside. How are my personal relationships? How am I doing?

Am I state of obsessions about anything? What's going on? It says we have cease fighting anything or anyone. How am I in my own home group? How am I at a business meeting?

How are my personal relationships? It says for this for by this time, sanity will have returned. And if you remember back in step 2, it talked about came to believe that power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. We got it. By this time, sanity will have been returned.

And if it hasn't, then maybe we need to go back and do this again. Often, we'll hear in Alcoholics Anonymous, if you're having a a a problem with step 5, go back to step 4. If you have a problem with step 10, go back to step 9. Nonsense. Go back to step 1 and see what changed.

Maybe any lens is not any lens anymore. What changed? By this time, sanity will have returned, which means we have wholeness of mind because of an awakened spirit. They just told us we've entered the world with a spirit. So when we hear it's normal to think about a drink because you're an alcoholic, and if you're going through some joys or sorrows, you're getting thought drinks, that's normal for an alcoholic.

My big book doesn't tell me that, does it? It says sanity will have return, which means I have wholeness in mind because I'm an awakened spirit. There's no thought of a drink. The problem, the next patient will tell me, has has been removed. It's no longer part of the equation anymore.

Now that's great news to anyone who suffers from alcoholism and it also piss a lot of people off at some AA meetings who don't do this deal. Great promises. It says for by this time, sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame.

We react sanely and normally, and we find that this will has happened automatically. We we will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us. We do all we do is to work and follow directions, and this attitude is given to us by god. We don't will ourselves into letting this happen. It's given to us.

It says we will see that a new attitude to toilet liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part, it just comes. We arrived to this place. We're brought to this place. That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation.

We feel as though we've been placed in a position of neutrality, safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid.

That is our experience. This is how we react and here's the condition, so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition. Some warnings. It's easy to let up on a spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. What happens if we do that?

It says we are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. I had to look up the word subtle and the word folks. I didn't know what they meant. One of the great things my sponsors, both of them, have had me do over the years is get a dictionary and look up words in his book. First time I asked my sponsor, what does this word mean?

He's I'm not an enabler. Go get a dictionary and find out for yourself. Subtle, sly, clever, devious, difficult to detect, foe, personal enemy. Great words for alcoholism. It'll lay in wait.

It'll bait you. It knows you're not writing inventory, you know, and it'll bait you. We've entered a world of the spirit. It does not mean we get free room and board. Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness.

What am I doing? You know, I talked about the other night, we make amends, a handful of amends, and then we start to feel good, and then we rest on our laurels. And our book just tells me we're headed for trouble if we do. And I'm not talking about perfection here. I'm just talking about what kind of what what what type of meditative life do I have?

What type of life do I have? What kind of practices am I doing? Am I doing any of this stuff? Okay. The 1212 says, am I using God like a pinch hitter?

I'm in trouble, so let me call God when I feel good. I don't even know who God is. Our book talks about, in the piano notes we read, and we have ceased fighting anything or anyone, even alcohol. They're talking about alcohol last year. Why is that?

There's a man, he passed on a couple of few years ago. His name was Ted h. Never met him. Another man I never met, consider him my friend, and, he used the term that resonated in me. He talked about, I always wanted to step out easy, and, and I always wanted to step out easy, way before I even picked up alcohol.

And alcohol showed up in my life, and it gave me it it it caused, it was a great effect on me, and that's why I'm an alcoholic. I continue to drink. It gave me a place of ease and comfort. It became my solution in life. If I'm fighting anything, My friend Joe talks about, aren't I really fighting a drink?

If I stay in that place long enough, where is the fighting coming from? It's coming from resentment, most likely. If I'm experiencing fear, am I fighting the fear as if I'm not supposed to have it, Or am I doing something like Peter is talking about, taking a suggestion and putting pen to paper and seeing it for what it is with a few suggestions on what this is really about. Let's find out what this is really about. Today, I, Peter also talked about the greatest promise in Alcoholics Anonymous is is right on this page, on page 85.

Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. It does not exist for us. Alcohol is no longer the problem, never was. A book talks about it was just a symptom.

It was but a symptom. So I have to get to this place of ease and comfort in this way of life. And this prop this book, it promises you know, we, he gave a warning. He said that we are not cured of alcoholism. We are not cured of alcoholism.

The book promises that I will recover from my physical and mental condition. But here, they tell me my spiritual alcoholism will only be suppressed contingent upon my spiritual condition today. Just today. Am I awake to today? Am I awake to the moment?

People was talking about you, like, reading between the lines when someone is sharing with me and watching their actions and having some compassion as opposed to resentment. Why shouldn't I? I've been there. Page 85. First paragraph, it says it's easy to let up on a spiritual program of action to rest on our laurels, beheaded for trouble if we do.

For alcohol is a subtle foe. We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve is a condition contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. And here's a prayer. Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of god's will into all our activities.

How can I best serve thee? Thy will and not mine be done. These are thoughts which must go with must go with us constantly. We can exercise will power along this line all we wish is the proper use of the will. Much has already been said about receiving strength, inspiration, and direction from God, from him who has all knowledge and power.

If we have carefully followed directions and the question to consider is have I carefully followed directions? Have I skimped on some of the mortar put in the cement? Have I taken some shortcuts? Have I started to rest on my laurels again? It says we have begun to sense the flow of his spirit into us.

To some extent, we have become God conscious. We have begun to develop this vital 6th sense, this that intuitiveness we refer to. But we must go further and that means more action. Again, our book tells us to move again. Step 2 said, Cain to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me insanity.

Step that was our solution. Step 3 says, we made a decision to turn our will and life over the care of God as we understood him. Solution, a decision to get to the solution, and we take 4 through 9 to remove anything that's blocking me from this power. And now they're telling me when where I was searching for this power way back in step 2, they're telling me I began to sense the flow of his spirit into me. It says I've entered the world with a spirit.

We began to develop this vital 6th sense. You see the difference, the shift that has happened from way back in 2? When we show up coming out of 1, there better be a 2, there better be a solution because there is nowhere for me to go and we take we look at the solution with the considerations in step 2. We make a decision, it's really to get there. And we show up in 1011 with it's there.

It says we begin to to sense the flow of his spirit into us. You start to there's a shift. You start to, in thought, word, and deed, operate differently. There's a shift in perceptions and ideas about a whole lot of things that go on. And they're different for me than they are for you.

Because God knows what you need and God knows what I need. But there's a shift nonetheless in each and every one of us. Someone who's awake or, as we say, on fire, doesn't have to say a word when they walk into a room with Alcoholics Anonymous. They don't have to get to a podium and give an hour talk. If they do, they'll electrify the room.

But they can just walk into a room and you just look in their eyes, you know there's something different about this person as compared to that person. You just know there's something going on. And if you sit down and break bread with them or have a cup of coffee, you just know they're on different footing. There's been a shift. There's something going on.

It's very, very attractive. I know many people like that. There's something that's going on. And many times, those people are not even aware of it. They just think they're going about their business, but everyone else sees what's going on.

There's a line here, every day is a day. Every day is a day. We must carry the vision of god's will into all of our activities. Over the last 3 days, I guess you people have noticed that I like to smoke. In New Jersey, during office hours.

We're not permitted to smoke in my building, and we work up on the 3rd floor on an elevator. And I have to go to the elevator, and I have to go downstairs and outside and smoke. I've been using that since I smoke a lot. I get them. I I I use that as an opportunity, you you know, to go to God frequently.

I'll ask on the way down the elevator. You know, I'll just ask God how I can best serve thee. It's been my experience that I've, and it's been with me for a long time now. This showed up, this thing about trusting God. Trusting God, clean the house, and help others.

I I guess it's a spiritual term that I I just, you know, like sat with. What does that really mean? And my friend, Don, talks about, you know, if if I'm going to ask someone anything, I should call their name. So I ask God. You know, he's I I don't think I, I think I should call someone's name if I'm gonna ask them, if I remember it.

But, you know, I have to ask God. And if I'm asking God, and God has got all this power, and I am humbly asking him how I can best serve him. K? Because that's all I am. I, you know, I I have no power.

I'm trusting God that this power is gonna come through me and to others. And that's where my constant thought is about. And I'll just sit out there, and I'll have that cigarette outside, and I'll be, I'll just be thinking. You know? Thank God there are not that many smokers around me anymore or as they used to be.

You know, I get an opportunity to just sit on a little bench outside and just sit. I don't have to make a phone call to a friend of mine like Peter or Howie or a few other guys in the in the fellowship just to, chat, see what's going on during the course of the day. Stay connected. I think it's the simpler things for me, and it it tells me these are thoughts which which go which must go with me constantly, that I can exercise this willpower, this power that I've received from the previous steps. I'm given power.

I've I'm given power to do this. And if he has all power and I have none, I mean, what am I standing around for not asking for it? It's the proper use of the will. The great thing about steps 10, 11, and 12 is that they give me the power to go back into and take 1, 2, 9 again. They propel me to go back into 129 again.

They continue continually working steps 1011 allow me to grow in understanding and effectiveness, working with others, and I get taken back into 1 through 9 again. That's been my experience. Step 11. Think about step 11, you'll notice they put night first and morning second, and I thought they made a mistake because if I wrote the book, I would have put wake up first, put morning first, and night second. I can never get that.

Would you ever go through your entire day and not write inventory at night? What what are you like when you wake up in the morning? Do no prayer meditation and you had one of those days you're usually wearing last night, this morning, aren't you? Full of resentments, fear, and you you your moments during the morning are usually consumed with what happened yesterday. So our job is to take care of, the night so we wake up and the the slate is clean.

It says step 11 suggests prayer meditation. We shouldn't be shyness matter of prayer. Better men better men than we are using it constantly. It works if we have the proper attitude and work at it. It isn't the occasional thing we do when we're in a little bit of a jam, it's what we do all the time.

It would be easy to be vague about this matter, yet we believe we can make some definite and valuable suggestions. And here's our evening instructions, when we retire at night, we constructively review our day. Keyword here I like you to circle is constructive. It isn't a judge leveling you about the mistakes you made, it's about growing. Where will we resentful, selfish, dishonest, or afraid?

Do we owe an apology? Have we kept something to ourselves which should be discussed with another person at once? And I was I was I was in a place for for a while of, discussing most everything with a sponsor. Most everything with maybe someone who was important to me, but there were certain things that ego wouldn't allow me to share. And what I've found out is I'm able to share a lot of things that are even very very personal to me with a significant other, a sponsor, or maybe people who are close to me.

That that for me is great news because I was never able to do that based on my old belief systems and my ideas of, sex relations. Men are supposed to do this and men never do that. And the question I was asked, who set that one up? What book of rules did that come from? The Brooklyn Longshoreman book of rules on how to live life.

The training ground for spiritual growth, you know. All lies, man. But that's what I worshiped. And as as as scary as that can be when you discuss yourself with someone else, It's also very freeing. It says were we kind and loving toward all?

What could we have done better? Were we thinking of ourselves most of the time? Are we thinking of what we could do for others, of what we could pack into the stream of life? CAA is not a selfish program, is it? But we must be careful not to drift into worry, remorse, or morbid reflection.

Because when we do that, we're back in self again. For that would diminish our usefulness to others. After making our review, taking our own inventory, we ask God's forgiveness and inquire what corrective measures should be taken.