Pages 67 to 84 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous at the CPH12 v1 conference in Copenhagen, Denmark

And we're in the far turn for this afternoon's, workshop, so I ask you for your patience and please stay awake. It makes my job easier. Or wake me up if I fall asleep, please. We're gonna talk about fear and then we'll get into some sex inventory. And again, Yeah.

Must be a New Yorker. Again, about sex, it it it, we're not only gonna talk about sex, but our our ideas or roles in relationships, our interactions with others, and that was a new area for me to discover because I always thought when you wrote sex sex inventory, I had to do with that and that only. And there was, a pretty neat surprise to take a look at what I thought my role was as a man in a relationship and on how I thought a woman's role ought to be in a personal relationship or in other relationships. And what it allowed me to do was, very recently, just drop so many attachments, get rid of so much, ego and, delusional thoughts about how I thought a man ought to be in relation what I thought a real men real man was in a relationship. And I will tell you it was frightening but also freeing because I was able to let go of that stuff and just be and listen to what god guides me through my heart and say what I feel and be.

And not wondering how I'm gonna be perceived by others because that's bondage again. So it's pretty neat to, have that happen and it was very unexpected, recently this there it was. Pretty neat. We're gonna talk about fear first and, on page 67, last paragraph, in referring to fear, the 3rd sentence, it says, this short word somehow touches about every aspect of our lives. It was an evil and corroding thread.

The fabric of our existence was shot through with it. It set in motion trains of circumstances which brought us misfortune we felt we didn't deserve. But did not we ourselves set the ball rolling? And we need to examine every area how many times that I set the ball rolling. How one simple way I set the ball rolling, if I'm in fear, I'm usually in self and stopped turning to God.

If I'm in self, I'm in fear. If I'm fear, I'm in self. And you know what? I'm experiencing some of the bedevils on page 52. On current and manageability because I'm experiencing some current agnosticism.

I don't think God's gonna work in this area. So what happens, I need to put my hand in the wheel and take over instead of letting God run the show. Now, doesn't mean I become, I can't think of the word, where I don't take responsibility. Sometimes we'll we get into this thing where, well, God's running the show while the house is burning down and I'm not calling the fire department. No.

God gave us our books as brains to use. We take responsibility. So I do whatever God allows me to do. I take responsibility. I say what I need to say.

I take certain actions, but the end result is always in God's hands and that's where the comfort kind of comes in here. But if I'm continually running the show because I don't think God's gonna give me comfort, then I'll experience fear and fear will run my life. Not too long ago, I felt like I had my back against the wall over some over some some areas of my life. And, my prayers in the morning came down to, father, please give me comfort today. And I was done.

That's all I could come with. So I could come at god with was please give me comfort today because what's coming down around me is way out of my hand. I don't even know what to ask for anymore. All I want is comfort to get through till tonight. Get through this day.

And I thought I was being, experiencing current agnosticism when I said this prayer, and I thought I was sound asleep when I said this prayer. And my sponsor told me you were absolutely wide awake. Because the reality was I was made right sized again knowing I don't know what I need to get through a drama of life. And all I wanted to have comfort through this father and child. A child goes to his father when he hurts, and that's what I found myself doing, but I didn't know it at the time.

I felt myself being weak and cowardly for even offering this prayer because I was reduced to nothing on this day. I got through it fine. Some bumps and rows, a couple of black and blues along the way, but I'm here this morning and this afternoon, I should say. Last sentence on page 67, it says, sometimes we think fear ought to be classed with stealing. It seems to cause more trouble.

You ever make a decision based on fear or take an action based on fear? Does it ever turn out to be right? You usually have to cover up. A lot of today's problems are because of solutions to yesterday's problems. It says we reviewed our fears thoroughly.

We put them on paper even though we had no resentment in connection with them. So we list our fears also. And there are certain things to consider. We ask ourselves why we had them. Why we have why do I have these fears?

Like our columns, our resentments, we ask ourselves the same thing. Why do I have this fear? Wasn't it because self reliance failed us? Self reliance was good as far as it went, but it didn't go far enough. It wasn't a solution.

It It may have given us some temporary relief when I'm running the show, but ultimately, I hit a wall and it doesn't go far enough. It is not a solution to my problem. God is. Some of us once had great self confidence, but it didn't fully solve the fear problem. It was not a solution or any other.

When it made us cocky, it was worse. Perhaps there is a better way we think so. We're now on a different basis, the basis of trusting and relying upon god. This two paragraphs we're gonna read became a prayer for me that I work with out of a meditation. These these two paragraphs, if we look at the words closely, it's prayer throughout.

It says, we're now on a different basis. The basis of trusting and relying upon god. We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves. We are in the world to play the role he assigns. I'm not assigning you a role and I'm no longer assigning me a role.

God has a role for me to play. Am I awake to that? Because when I'm trying to play a role other than what god has for me, guess what? I'm hitting a wall again. Just to the extent that we do is he we think he would have us and humbly rely on him, does he enable me to match calamity with serenity?

What a great promise. Whatever our calamity may be, and for you it may be a broken shoelace, for someone else it may be the loss of a job or a loved one. We never apologize to anyone for depending upon our creator. We can laugh at those who think spirituality is a way of weakness, paradoxically, is the way of strength. The verdict of the age is that, faith means courage.

All men have courage. I used to think if you had courage, you never experienced fear. That's a lie. The reason why I have courage is because I'm facing my fears and walking through them. A spiritual warrior goes to change, goes through change because the fear the pain of not changing is greater.

So I may have fear. I may feel like my back is up against the wall as you may, but the courage comes in with this power when we're able to walk through those things and talk about those things, whether it be to a spouse, a child, a a a a sponsor, whoever it may be, about our legitimate concerns and fears. That takes courage. I would always look at that as being weak and cowardly. It's just the opposite Because rubber hits the road there, we're putting our neck on the line when we do this stuff.

But God moves us. There's a great amount of freedom in doing that. Most people receive that and embrace that too. That's what I have found. If I'm turning in in order to go out, if I don't turn in, I will go without.

Turn into this power, even though I may be scared to death. Courage does not mean I don't have any kind of fear. It says the verdict of the ages is that faith means courage. All men of faith have courage. They trust their God.

When Columbus was going across, you know, the ocean, I'm sure he was waiting like Jesus. I hope it doesn't really come I hope it ain't flat, man. Let's hold on. Those guys weren't right. He kept going, you know.

It's just they trust their god. We never apologize for god. Instead, we let him demonstrate through us what he can do. We ask him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what he would have us be. B.

At once we commence to outgrow fear. I worked with these 2 paragraphs for a long time, I still work with them, they became my personal prayer. Father, direct my attention to what you would have me be because many times I don't know and sometimes b is just to be with this power and do what's ever in front of me Because I'm in the world to play the role he assigns and many times I wanna sign me and everyone else a role. You know what I found out? I was just sharing with Linda recently that, things were happening in my life, and I was able to take my hands off the wheel and just go with it.

Things were happening. I mean, they were they were happening a couple of weeks ago in just so fast. Great things, great promise, great hope. And I says now, about 2 hours ago, I was looking to say, wait, let me figure this out. Let me run the show here.

And something said, just be. And things were happening. I mean, it was just it was what a terrific experience. Pretty neat. As Peter was saying in the middle of that, last paragraph he was sharing about, all men of faith have courage.

They trust their god. We never apologize for god. Instead, we let him we let God demonstrate through us what he can do. I get up each morning and I ask God. I'm calling out to god.

I ask him to give me inspiration, give me intuitive thoughts, decisions. Because what I'm here for today is to be of constant help to others. And I have to trust that he's gonna do that for me. I have to trust that he's gonna do that for me. As Peter mentioned, we all are going through difficulties in life.

K? We're all experiencing deep bumps in the road. The way I perceive to Peter, I can only see to the end of the room the way Peter said. God could see all the way to the other side of the planet. I can't see what's happening.

I must trust him, and it's he's demonstrating himself through me of what he can do, not what I can do, because he has all the power. I have none. And we ask him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what he would have me be at this moment. Because usually, when I'm in fear, I'm a maniac if I'm running my life on my will. But the promise is is once we commence to outgrow fear, now Peter's gonna talk about his OMAFUD experience and sex.

Boring, man. He thought he was Don Juan. He came out of his own foot. Tells us to direct our attention to what you have as b. One of the great, practices we can work with is, in a meditation and, paying it very close attention to our breathing, and walking, paying very close attention to our walking, and being still in that moment and mindful of that moment.

Breathing in this moment, bringing out this moment, bringing in the spirit of God and bringing out the spirit of God, bringing in air going into my lungs. No, I'm alive at this moment, and air going out knowing I'm alive at this moment. There's a gentleman by the name of Thich Nhat Hanh and he was asked a question of something to the effect of, what a visitor at his retreat and, the question was something like, the visitor said, all I see you, the monks do here is eat and walk. And he says the difference is when we eat, we know we are eating, and we when we walk, we know we are walking. They're very much aware of the present moment and I can take certain disciplines like my breathing with meditation or in my interactions with others.

I can listen to the silence between the words someone speaks and be very much awake to that moment and not waiting to jump in. Listen to the silence between the words when someone speaks. I listen, I hear, I am here now and I'm able to be. There's great practices to be awake to this present moment, very simple practice but practices and disciplines nonetheless and it takes some time. I can't will myself into being awake to the present moment nor can I will myself into being a spiritual guru?

I'll get taken there if the my father wants me to be there, but I have responsibility to work with some disciplines. I breathe in this moment. I breathe out this moment and I'm here. Mindfulness of this moment. Listen to the silence between the words when someone's speaking.

Try to do that. You know, when someone's speaking to you, especially if it's a prospect, you're already ready to rapid fire some answers because we're giants in AA. Right? Just listen to the silence between the words and you know what I found out? Many times, if ego doesn't answer, because it usually answers what it already knows, the conversation goes in a completely different direction than I thought it was when it started.

Just let someone speak and listen and I will be here with you now. Let's talk about sex. Watch these 2 guys over here. It says now about sex, many of us needed an overhauling there and I'm so so glad they wrote that down because when I came in here my sex ideals and goals were completely back and upside down. As I said earlier, my ideas in 1988 when I got here of what of how a man ought to be and how a woman ought to be in the roles and relationships were so just so distorted based on old, very old belief systems.

And I wondered why I had conflicts in my personal relationships. But above all, we try to be sensible on this question. It's so easy to get way off track. Here we find human opinions running to extremes, exert absurd extremes perhaps. One set of voices cried at sex is a lust of our lower nature based necessity for procreation.

Then we have the voices who cry for sex and more sex who'd bewail the institution of marriage, who think that most of the troubles of the race are traceable to sex causes. They think we do not have enough of it or it isn't the right kind. They see significance everywhere. One school would allow man no flavor for his fare, the old, the other would have us all on a straight pepper tie. We wanna be out of stay out of this controversy.

Someone show someone shows up to me with their inventory in step 5 and they're reading their sex inventory, my job is not to judge. We don't want to be the arbiter of anyone's sex conduct. We all have sex problems. We'd hardly be human if we didn't, that was comforting to hear. What we what can we do about them?

Well, here are instructions. It says we we we reviewed our own conduct over the years past. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, or inconsiderate? Who did we hurt? Did we unjustifiably arouse jealousy, suspicion, or bitterness?

Where are we at fault? What should we have could what should we have done instead? It doesn't say what we could have done instead because we have the power to do anything other than what we were capable of doing at that moment. But once we're awake, now we're brought to a different place. We have some responsibility to live along spiritual guidelines.

So in this act conduct, I'm writing down a list of all those that I've had relationships with. And, when I do that, I'm asking these questions on each one. We're adamant selfish, dishonest, or inconsiderate. But the key question for me, which was a powerful question and actually turned out to be my sex ideal, is what should I have done instead? What should I have done instead?

And I found out with with the number of people that all these people that where I was selfish, dishonest, and considerate who I hurt. K. No. Just just treating people miserably, inconsiderate. And then I'll go ahead and I'll put down exactly what I should have done instead, and that shows up in the next paragraph.

In this way, we try to shape a scene and sound ideal for our future sex life. We subjected each relation to this test. Was it selfish or not? We asked god to mold our ideals, and this is a prayer. We asked we asked god to mold our ideals and help us to live up to them.

We remembered that our sex powers were god given and therefore good, neither to be used lightly or selfishly, nor to be despised or loathed. So I have a sex ideal, and what it really turned out to be was not only for my future sex relationships. What came off the pen was what my relationship should look like to others, period. To all. K.

Page 69, it says whatever ideal turns out to be and I was instructed to write out a prayer with sexual goal and ideal, how I would like to see that area of my life, my personal relationships with others, with women be or or or particular women if I'm in a relationship. How I would like to see that grow. What would be my goal and ideal for this relationship for me to be in this relationship? It says whatever ideal turns out to be, we must be willing to grow toward it. We must be willing to make amends we have done harm, provided that we do not bring about still more harm in so doing.

Step 9 says, except when to do so would injure them or others. In other words, we treat sex as we would any other problem. In meditation we ask God what we should do about each specific matter. The right answer will come if we want it. God alone can judge our sex situation.

Counsel with persons is often desirable but here's a condition here, but we let God be final judge. No one can judge my sex situation. If they want to, so be it, but I let God be the final judge. I heard a gentleman say he has prospects come to his house and they're confused about a lot of things. And they're asking him for the solution, for the solution, for the solution.

And he says he asked them to close their eyes and think if I came to you with the same problem, what would you tell me? We all know what we have to do. We all know. We all know what the right thing to do is by the time we're here. We just have to turn to this power to get it.

Who's being selfish? Who's being jealous? Who's being inconsiderate? Who's being dishonest? We know what needs to be done.

We do. The condition the the the the bridge, or the gap that we need to bridge to get over is the power to do it. We know what to do. A gentleman cheating on his wife knows that's the wrong thing. A gentleman coming home and abusing his family knows it's the wrong thing.

You know that. What are you gonna do about that? We know. We're waking up. They've given us some false promises here that tell us we're waking up.

They're gonna read them in a second, but there's some warnings they talked about here. Suppose we fall short of the chosen ideal and stumble, does that mean we're going to get drunk? Some people tell us so, but this is only a half truth. It depends on us and our motives. If we are sorry for what we have done and have the honest desire to let God take us to better things, we believe we will be forgiven and we'll have learned our lesson.

If we are not sorry and our conduct continues to harm others, clear cut information here. We are quite sure to drink. Period. We're not theorizing these effects of our experience. To sum up about sex, we earnestly pray for the right ideal for guidance in each questionable situation, for sanity and strength to do the right thing and that is a prayer.

If sex is very troublesome, we show ourselves the heart into helping others. We think of their needs and work for them. This takes us out of the, ourselves, acquires the imperious urge when to yield would mean heartache. If we have been thorough about our personal inventory, we've written down a lot. We have listed and analyzed our resentments.

We have begun to comprehend the futility and and fatality promise. We have commenced to, to see their terrible destructiveness. Promise. We have begun to learn tolerance, patience, and goodwill toward all men, even our enemies. Promise.

For we look upon them as sick people. Promise. We have listed the people we have harmed by our conduct and are willing to straighten out the past if we can. Another promise. We didn't even discuss this in step 5 yet.

But they're telling us this stuff was starting to happen and based on my experience when I was writing this, I remember experiencing something. I didn't know what it was, but I look back on it now and it was a shift. In this book you read again and again that faith did for us we cannot do for ourselves. We hope you are convinced, now that God can, remove whatever self will has blocked you off from him. If you have already made a, a decision in an inventory of your grocery handicaps, you have made a good beginning.

Remember that word? They never say we're done. That being so, you have swallowed and digested some big trunk, chunks of truth about yourself. I just wanna refer again on the, on the sex situation here. It said in that paragraph up there, if sex is very troublesome, we throw ourselves the harder into helping with others.

I'm sorry. Prior to that that paragraph, it says, if we are not sorry, if our sex conduct continues to harm others. We are quite sure to drink. We are not theorizing. These are facts.

These are facts out of our experience. My experience with this entire book, I do the things that they asked me to do in this book, and I experienced promises. I don't. I will experience the consequences, and they come very subtle. But the end result is is that I'm gonna be facing a very harsh war.

Okay. Chapter 6 into action. We're gonna try to get through steps 5, 6, and 7 by the next hour and come back tomorrow and finish up this work. We'll see what God's got for us. Okay?

Into Action, page 72. It doesn't say into easy does it into one day at a time, intellect the steps get you Into osmosis. Into osmosis, into action. Having made our personal inventory, step 4, what shall we do about it? We have been trying to get a new relation, get a new attitude, step 2 with our, a new attitude, a new relationship with our creator step 3, and to discover the obstacles in our path step 4.

We have made certain defects and we have ascertained in a rough way what the trouble is. We have put our finger on the weak items in our personal inventory. These are about to be cast out. Cast out like in a circle, those two words. It doesn't say we're gonna deal with our defects or we're gonna work on them.

We're gonna embrace them and see where they take us. They're gonna about to be cast out like garbage in the garbage we take out to the trash can. Right? We don't let it lay around the house and see what happens. We get rid of it.

Remember we're gonna face and be rid of the things in us which are blocking us from the power, not about to be cast out, done away with. Let's clean out the room to make room for new. This requires action on our part, which when completed we will mean that we have admitted to god, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our defects. This brings us to step 5 in the program of recovery mentioned in the preceding chapter. It says this is perhaps difficult especially discussing our defects with another person.

It's a force feeding of humility that goes on here with what is needed. We think we have done well enough in admitting these things to ourselves, there is doubt about that. Here's a warning, in actual practice we usually find the solitary self appraisal insufficient. Writing inventory and sticking it in the drawer is insufficient. I need to be spiritually accountable to someone and someone or persons must know about me.

Because ego will do my thinking for me if I don't do that stuff. Many of us thought it necessary to go much further, We will we will be more reconciled to discussing ourselves with another person when we see good reasons why we should do so. The best reason first, if we skip this vital step, we may not overcome drinking. Time after time, newcomers have tried to keep to themselves certain facts about their lives, trying to avoid this humbling experience, they've turned to easier methods. What happens?

Invariably, they get drunk. And having persevered with the rest of the program, they wondered why they fell. You know, sitting down with with first time I did this work with the sponsor, I was scared to death going to his house. I'd hit my knees and pray, so am I going to tell this man all about me? Read all this inventory to him and then share sex inventory with another man.

It was not gonna happen. I got that uneasy feeling in my gut and I had to pray and I show up at this guy's doorstep and I sat down and did step 5 with him. And there were things that I thought he was gonna throw me out of the living room with and he looked bored most of the time to be quite honest with you. But he shared a lot of similar experiences that he had with me, a lot. He gave me some information to go out there from there with.

Great stuff. And finally someone knew me, knew all about me. The second time going to this work, I did multiple 5th steps. I sat with 2 people and read 5th steps too. 2 people, same inventory.

The first time I was again, like the first time coming to AA scared to death reading this inventory. 2nd time I sat with my sponsor, Mark, and again we went through and he gave me a different angle on it and I was freer. Tom and I were meeting up in Harlem, New York and the topic happened to be 5th step and, you know what, I realized except when it would be in poor taste to others who are on my list, I was willing to share my entire life with some strangers in the room. And I remember saying to myself, this is what they're talking about when you're in a place of complete freedom. Whatever will have to be discussed, I was willing to discuss my life with others.

Again, except when it would be important to other people on that list, I wouldn't do that. That was a pretty neat deal. The more people who knew about me, who were on this path, who I can keep close to and trust, the freer I got. Great thing about step 5. Page 73.

It says having persevere with the rest of the program, they wondered why they fell. We think they've, the re, the reason is that they never completed their house cleaning. So step 5 is really a part of house cleaning, isn't it? It's it's the second half of house cleaning. They took inventory alright but they hung on to some of the worst items in stock.

The two most difficult things I find people, have trouble discussing is things with within family and sex inventory. Those seem to be the 2 things that we're all guarded against. My sponsor usually sits down and says, okay, at the beginning it's okay. What were you not gonna tell me? Let's get that out of the way because then the rest of this is gonna be really easy.

It says they took inventory alright, but hung on to some of the worst items in stock. They only thought they had lost their egoism and fear. They only thought they had humble themselves, but they had not learned enough of humility, fearlessness, and honesty in the sense we find it necessary until they told someone else all their life story. And they and they have those two words again, italicized, thought, twice. The delusion of where we're coming from at that point.

The my experience with the 5th step, it's a clean. It's an emptying. Everything. And that inventory doesn't say it, but I better be writing down anything that I was planning on taking to the grave as well. And I need to share that with another person, at least one person, my entire inventory.

More than most people, the alcoholic leads a double life. He's very much the actor. To the outer world, he presents his stage character. This is the one he likes, fellas to see. He wants to enjoy a certain reputation, but he knows in his heart he doesn't deserve it.

You know, like the times at around 3 o'clock in the morning, when you wake up, The inconsistency is made worse by the things he does on his sprees. Coming to his senses, he is revolted at certain episodes that he vaguely remembers. These memories are a nightmare. He trembles to think someone might have observed. As fast as he can, he pushes these memories far inside him.

He hopes they will never see the light of day. He is on the constant fear and tension that makes for more drinking. Bottom of page 72. We must be entirely honest with some with somebody if we expect to live long or happily in this world. It's 61.

3? I'm sorry. Bottom of page 73. Did I say 74? We must be entirely honest with somebody if we expect to live entirely live long or happily in this world.

Rightly and naturally, we think well before we choose the person or persons, plural, as Peter was saying, multiple steps with whom to take this intimate and confidential step. Bottom of that paragraph. We often find such a person quick to see and understand our problem. Of course, we sometimes encounter people who do not understand alcoholics. This book was written in 1939, and it was going out off the presses and out where where there wasn't any fellowship at all.

The only fellowship they had was this book. But today, we're fortunate. There are many people that are on this path, you know, to share this and to understand exactly where we're coming from. Like my friend Mark says, when I'm when I ask someone to hear my inventory, On the other side of that table, I don't want someone, Tom, pat me on the back. I don't want that.

I want a predator. I want someone to hear something that I can see, like Peter was talking about, in between the sentences that I'm sharing. Maybe he's seeing some more selfishness, some dishonesty, some fear that I'm not picking up on or some harm that I may have caused that I can't see. It's important for me. If we cannot or would rather not do this, we search our acquaintance for a close mouthed understanding friend.

Perhaps our doctor or psychologist will be the person. It may be one of our own family, but we cannot disclose anything to our wives or our parents, which will hurt them and make them unhappy. We have no right to save our skin at another person's expense. Such parts of our story, we tell to someone who understand yet be unaffected. The rule is that we must it's a direction.

We must be hard on ourselves, but always considerate about us. When we decide who's to hear our story I'm sorry. Page 75. We would decide who By the way, I I was told I'm talking too fast again. Go on.

I will slow down. When we decide who is to hear our story, we waste no time. We have a written inventory and we are prepared for a long talk. We explain to our partner what we're about to do and why we have to do it. He should realize we're engaged upon a life and death errand and we usually decide who's to hear our story by the sponsor because they always wanna hear it.

Some of us go to a sponsor and others also to sit and prepare for a long talk. I've heard many many many 5th steps over the years and it's gotten to a place for me where you just can look at the body language of the prospect and know they're hitting an area that's really painful and uncomfortable for them to share. My job is to get in there with them and walk them through that. Because I've been on the other side of the table when I had some awful things I had to empty up at the table and I was dying a 1,000 deaths but the words were coming out. And the teachers on the other end of the table got there with me and lovingly walked me through that because they were on the other side of the table.

That's what we do. This is not like I'm the sponsor, you're the prospect and I'm gonna sit in this high throne while you empty up, that's that not that's not what this is about, That's not what the competent want me to do. That's not what god want me to do. We get in there with them and we pull them through, we walk them through. Because there are some very tender things on this inventory.

So when we listen, how am I listening? And am I listening and watching? I can watch someone's body language and know exactly where we're going. Their body grimaces in pain just by a shift, just by all of a sudden we lose eye contact, all of a sudden their face is in the paper like this when they're looking up, or the eyes water. What am I gonna do about that?

And sometimes they'll gloss, because I did it, will gloss over the most painful things that we're begging just to throw out and get free of and we gloss over it because we're fearful of being judged. And as as Tom said, I need to be alert and aware to go in there and kinda get in there and pull them through that and get facts on the table because this person will get free when they do that. The great responsibility hearing of 5th step, especially as a sponsor. It says, most people approached in, it says he should realize we are engaged upon a life and death errand. Most people approach in this way will be glad to help.

They will be honored by our confidence. And when I sit with someone after a meditation, I usually read this with them. I read this this up until the 5th step promises with them just to remind them what we're about to do. It says we pocket our pride and go to it, illuminating every twist of carrot, every dark can cranny of the past. Here's our 5th step promises.

The first time I went through this work, I experienced these promises when I was in 6 and 7 and 8 and 9, but they happened nonetheless. The last time through this work again they materialized when I was in 6 and 7. It says once having taken the step withholding nothing, that's a condition. We are delighted. That's a promise.

We can be we can look the world in the eye. We can be alone at perfect peace and ease. You know what it's like sitting on your couch when you're untreated and no one's around, where your brain is taking, where your mind is taking you, I should say. Our fears fall from us. We began to feel the nearness of our our creator.

We may have heard certain spiritual beliefs, but now we begin to have a spiritual experience. And it may be the infancy of 1, but it's happening nonetheless. The feeling that the drink problem has disappeared will often come strongly. We feel we are on the broad highway walking hand in hand with the spirit of the universe. Those are our 5th step promises.

Instructions after we're done with step 5 are as follows. It says returning home, we find a place where we can be quiet for 1 hour, carefully reviewing what we have done. We thank God from the bottom of our heart that we know him better. We take this book down from the shelf. The last time I did this work, I actually had put the book up on the shelf and then take it down from the shelf.

That's where I was at. We take this book down from our shelf, we turn to the page, which contains the 12 steps. Carefully reading the first five proposals, we ask if we have omitted anything. We read through the first five steps and see if we left anything out. Anything I need to discuss, anything I'm not sure about up until this point.

It's a great review within the hour of prayer and meditation, within that hour. It says, forward of building an arch to which we shall walk a free man at last. Is our work solid so far? Are the stones for this archway properly in place? Have we skipped on the cement put into the foundation?

Taking any shortcuts, leaving things in the closet we should be coming out with? Everything in its place. Great review. Have we tried to make mortar without sand? If we can answer these questions clearly and and no, we haven't left anything out and we're ready to proceed, it says we can answer to our satisfaction, then we look at step 6, we hit step 6.

And real quickly, the first time I went through this work it was just following directions and getting moved. The second time I went through this work, when I got my instructions for 6 and 7, I hit a wall that was a a a place I should say that was one of the most frightening place I've ever experienced in sobriety. I remember hitting my knees with my 7 step prayer and what it turned out to be was my first step for life all over again. I didn't know it. I felt like I'd never been to an AA meeting, like I had nothing, a choir nothing, never had a spiritual experience.

I felt completely void, completely empty and it was as scary as can be. And what came out of that moment in a prayer to God was save me from me. What I didn't know then, but I am convinced of now is when I talked about last night the removal, I talked about today the removal, everything got removed and I was left with nothing. And what was being filled up was the spirit of god but at the moment, waking up was certainly not pleasant. That was scared to death.

I never forget it. I hit my knees and what came out of that was saved me from me because I knew me was gonna get me in trouble. Completely removed in order to be filled up. At that moment, I was scared to death. It was my first step for life.

Didn't know it then. Convinced of it now. It says we look at step 6, we have emphasized willingness as being indispensable. Questions to consider, are we now ready to let god remove from us all the things which we have omitted are objectionable? Yes or no?

Can he now take them all, everyone? Yes or no? If we still cling to something we will not let go, we ask God to help us be willing to be free of that. We'll get into our 7 step prayer and as I said earlier, I wrote out my interpretation of the 7 step prayer and this prayer has very little to do with me but a whole lot about doing being of service to god and people around me. And to go out from here, this place in step 7 to do god's bidding, we ask for strength to go out and do 8 and 9, repair the damage we've done, work with some disciplines and go back into the fellowship and work with others.

So after seeing the things that are objectionable in us, am I willing to have these go? So we say something like this. If you wanna repeat after me, we can. My creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defective character, which stands in a way of my usefulness to you and my fellows.

Grant me strength as I go out from here to do your thing. When I see, in that prayer, it's asking me. I'm giving all of me to god as if he didn't have me in the first place. But I'm looking at good and bad, and I really don't know what needs to be removed. I always trust god in the morning by asking him, you know, praying to him and asking him for certain things.

And as I said earlier, that he's gonna give me this intuitive but I have to be accountable. And there, that accountability has to come from someone else usually on this path. Sometimes it's my wife at home. That objectionable nature of mine, as I said before, I raise my voice. I'm wrong.

There's a pull. There's a pull in me. The things that are objectionable to me, I know it, as Peter was sharing about before. I know what's going on here. I'm sensing something's wrong, but that's good.

A lot of the times early on early on on this when I initially took this journey through the steps, I looked at that, and I was angry at me because these things that I couldn't pull it off. These things were, certain things were still in my life, and I was still getting angry, which is ridiculous because I suffer from this thing called the human condition. And it's gonna make some implications later on down the line in the 10th step, like when I'm resentful, when I'm selfish, when I'm dishonest, when I'm afraid. These things are inevitable. They are gonna happen.