Page 53 to 67 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous at the CPH12 v1 conference in Copenhagen, Denmark

Okay. We'll get started. My name is Peter. I'm an alcoholic. And are we working here?

Is this on? Yes. Welcome everyone back. And, before we get going is this on? Yeah.

All good. Before we get going, if we could just take a moment to thank, Inar and the rest of the committee, for this really great weekend and all the work they've been doing. I had to wake you up somehow. Big book says great events will come to pass for me and countless others if my relationship with God is right and, I I like to consider this a great event in my life and, part of, doing this deal and and carrying the message. And, so I thank all of you for being there and I noticed we have a whole lot more this afternoon than we did this morning.

So thanks for being here. We last left off on, page 52 and up until this point we had talked that we've gone through doctor's opinion and we talked about the, physical allergy to alcohol in step 1, the mental obsession to alcohol in step 1 and the spirituality that's part of this threefold illness. And in chapter diagnostics, we're moving into step 2 and we're gonna find out as we said how, where and why we ought to find this higher power. On page 53, we'll pick up here in the middle of the page, first full paragraph. It says, when we became alcoholics crushed by a self imposed crisis, no one did this to me.

By a self imposed crisis, we cannot postpone or evade. We had to fearlessly face the proposition that God is everything or else he is nothing. God either is or he isn't. What was our choice to be? And, lots of times when we're first coming around and the sponsor asks us that question, we always wanna give the right answer.

We say, well, yeah. God's everything until it gets a little bit tight in certain areas and then we're not so sure if God is everything. One of the questions I had to consider with my current sponsor was this, going through this work going through this this part of, step 2, when I said God was everything, how did that look when I hit step 10 and entered the world with a spirit? How much more, growing and understanding and effectiveness that I had with this power? Was god really everything or nothing or was he everything when it was convenient for me?

When things were going good, it's easy to say God's everything. When the back's against the wall, is God still everything? So one of the things you can sit with as you go through this work, what does it look like now hitting step 2 when we say God is everything and what does that look like by the time we're cleaning up amends in step 10 and doing the disciplines with 11? It says arrived, at this point we could we were squarely confronted with the question of faith. We cannot duck the issue.

Some of us had already walked over the bridge of reason toward the desire sure of faith. The outlines in a promise in Newland have brought luster to tie dyes and fresh courage to flagging spirits and for me that showed up in the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous when I saw people here doing the deal, living free from alcoholism. We talked about why we ought to find this higher power and how. Our book is now gonna tell us where. And if we flip over to page 55, second paragraph, and this is where, actually, we were fooling ourselves with deep down in every man, woman and child is the fundamental or the basic idea of God.

It may be obscured by calamity, by pump, by worship of other things. Things get in the way. We worship other things rather than this power. The great thing about house cleaning is that stuff is removed. But in some form of other, it is there.

For faith in a power greater than ourselves and miraculous demonstrations of that power and human lives are facts as old as man himself. We finally saw that faith in some kind of God was part of our makeup, just as much as the feeling we had for a friend. Sometimes we had to search fearlessly, but he was there. He was much a fact as we were. We found the great reality of God deep down within us.

In the last analysis, it is only there that God may be found. It was so with us. It says we can only clear clear the ground a bit if our testimony helps sweep away prejudice, enables you to think honestly, encourages you to search diligently within yourself, If you wish, you can join us on the broad highway. With this attitude, and here's a great promise, with this attitude you're not gonna fail. The consciousness of your belief is sure to come to you, another promise.

In this book, you will read the experience of a man who thought he was an atheist. The story is so interesting that some that some of it should be told now. His change of heart was dramatic, convincing and moving. This story is about a gentleman named Fritz Mayo, who, is referred to in the doctor's opinion. And I and one of the stories called our southern friend.

It's our friend, was a minister's son. He attended church school where he became rebellious at what he thought was an overdose of religious education. For years thereafter he was dogged by trouble or frustration, business failure, insanity, fatal illness, suicide. These calamities in his immediate family embittered and depressed him. I identify with this guy.

Post war disillusionment, ever more serious alcoholism, impending impending mental and physical collapse brought him to the point of self destruction. Says, one night when confined in a hospital he was approached by an alcoholic, had known a spiritual experience. He was approached by someone who had this experience. Earlier we talked about 1 drunk working with another. Okay.

Our friend, Gause, rose as he bitterly cried out, if there is a God he certainly hasn't done anything for me. But later, alone in his room, he asked this question, is it possible that all the religious people I known I have ever known were wrong? While pondering Yancey, he felt as though he lived in hell. Then like a thunderbolt, a great a great thought came. He crowded out all all else.

Who are you to say there is no God? This man recounts that he tumbled out of his bed to his knees and in a few seconds he was overwhelmed by conviction of the presence of God. Almost sounds like Bill's experience here. Skip down to, the last paragraph on that page it says, thus was our friend's cornerstone fixed in place. No later visit visititute has shaken it.

His alcohol and alcoholic problem was taken away. So he's not hanging in there a day at a time, is he? He's been removed like step 10 promised to tell us. That very night years ago it disappeared, save for a few brief moments of temptation thought of a drink has never returned and at such times a great revulsion has risen up in him. Seemingly, he could not drink even if he would.

God had restored his sanity. Was this but a miracle of healing? Yet its elements are simple. Circumstances made him willing to believe. My my experience getting into Alcoholics Anonymous brought me to a place of willing to do anything in order to recover.

This gentleman, they write out circumstances made him willing to believe our books is alcohol is the great persuader that beat us into a state of reasonableness. I am grateful for the bottom of my head. I'll never survive it again. But being on this side of the archway, I'm grateful for the the the horror I experienced because it has me still hungry to seek now 15 years later. Even so God has restored all of us to our right minds.

To this man the revelation was sudden, some of us go into more slowly, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. Right? But when God shows up, times quickly, some times slowly. Right? But when God shows up, God shows up.

But he has come to all of us who have honestly sought him. When we drew near to him he's disclosed himself to us. Why would God deny us? As I begin to see truth, I start to trust that god will show me the way. I'm at a place where, in that first step, we've we've basically we're in we're coming out of the second step now, and we see, you know, a lot of the jargon that goes around alcoholics and illness in the states is that step 2 is about insanity.

I don't know where that came from. Step 2 for me is a step of hope. K? And I needed hope. And the reason I needed hope because I found I finally found what I was really suffering from, a threefold disease in step 1.

When I saw the knowledge, the nature, the grave nature of my illness in step 1. See, I have an insanity of my body. My body isn't like another person's body. It, something happens, this phenomena of craving, and it says more. And the only thing I can do to not drink is to abstain from it, but I don't have the power to do that because I have this thing called the insanity of my mind.

And this mind constantly takes me back. So this insanity that it's gonna be different. I'm gonna be able to control it. I'm gonna be able to enjoy it. It brings me back.

And this is on my own power, my own mind, my own thoughts. So now I have an insanity of my body and an insanity of my mind, but then I have an an insanity of my spiritual conditions. I'm restless. I'm irritable. And I'm discontent.

And the manifestation of those things show up on page 52. But we're gonna see a promise a little down the line that once that's overcome, the mental and the physical straighten out. But at this point in time, I am in bad shape. It's not acceptable for me to be insane in my body, insane in my mind, and insane in my spiritual nature. I can't walk around the planet like that, but I have no other place to go.

And I've been trying for years to get some power and looking for it out there. But then some man shows up, and he tells me I can find this mallet deep down within. And all I have to say to him, you better be right. You better be right because I know I'm done. Before we to move into how it works, some of the things to consider coming out of this chapter is, am I still trying to manage my own life currently?

Have have I become protective of my ideas and conceptions of God? Were any new ideas or conceptions or out work outside of our books anonymous, I have Contemplative Investigation because I'm defining and comprehending God and I box them in. Am I running to show myself, am I am I experiencing any fear? Am I living in fear, I ought to say? Because that usually means I'm in self and I'm experiencing some current agnosticism.

Am I continue to grow in understanding and effectiveness? And am I still willing to lay aside prejudice and express a willingness to believe in this power? Have old ideas and attachments are still around, are they still around? Because if they are, they're gonna they're gonna keep me blocked from this power and what's gonna happen is, little by slowly, I will move into that place. The shift of the awakening will stop, I will move into that place where the only solution left for me is to pick up the drink.

The thing about alcoholism, it's not going to announce its arrival. It's not going to tell you tomorrow morning around 10, we're going to get drunk, so get ready. It'll just show up and you're gone. Chapter 5, how it works, page 58. It says rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path.

Those who do not recover are peep people will not completely give themselves to this simple program. So what are we gonna fail at? It says, really, have we seen a person fail? At God consciousness, at recovery, who has followed this path. It says there are such infortions, they are not at fault, they seem to have been born that way.

They are naturally capable capable of grasping and developing a manner of living, which demands rigorous honesty. Our book uses words like manner of living and way of living later on in the book. It's what we do. It isn't the occasional, I'm gonna get spiritual on Tuesday afternoon, it's what we do. It says their chances are less than average.

There are those 2 who suffer from grave emotional mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity, to be honest, if you empty out this this this pitcher of water here, it does have the capacity to be filled up again, doesn't it? And that's what we do. We have the capacity to be honest, we have the the capacity to be free, we have the capacity to wake up. What has to be done is most of us come in with a full liter of water that's dirty and old And if we pour into a full glass, what happens it just overflows. What has to be done with this experience is to be emptied out and put new back.

Most of us are so scared to death to empty out though that we'll just stay where we are and stay sick. The experience is about subtraction not addition. We empty out in order to be to be full. It says our story is disclosed in a general way what we used to be like living on self will and drunk. What happened to us to spiritual revolution and what we are like now living according to God's will for us.

If you have decided you want what we have, question I had what was asked, am I? Am I at a place of willing to go to any lengths if I decided to take what you guys got to offer? Well, circumstances made me willing, so I was. And have to and are willing to go to any length to get it, then you're ready to take certain steps. Skip down to the last sentence, it says, remember that we deal with alcohol, cunning, baffling and powerful.

And as a, very wise gentleman told me, also very, very patient, Alcoholism does not care how long we're sober or how many meetings we made or it doesn't care if I had a spiritual experience 10 years ago and I'm riding off today of an experience 10 years ago. The experience I had 10 years ago may be not sufficient today to keep me recovered. So I need to continue to seek new experiences. Some of us can do that. I found I hit a wall on that.

It says without help it is too much for us but there is one and that's god who has all power. May you find him now. Half measures availed us nothing or get us drunk. We stood at the turning point, we asked his protection and care with complete abandon. I just wanna add one thing.

It says, but there is one who has all power. If he has all power, what power do we have? Ego will tell me I have power though, if not all power. Ego will tell me I have power in certain areas. And when I hit a wall I wonder why.

We've become a prey to comfortability in aqua logs anonymous when as I shared last night, things start to get comfortable and good and we start to rest on our laurels and we start to head for trouble, but ego's gonna say everything's okay. You really don't need to go to any lengths anymore. You really don't need to pray and meditate, etcetera. Page 60. 2nd paragraph, it says our description of the alcoholic that chatted to the agnostic in our personal ventures before and after made clear per 3 pertinent ideas.

Step 1, we were alcoholic and could not manage our own life. Step 2, that probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism. And step 2, that god could and would if he was sought. Being convinced of what of these ABC's, we're at step 3 which is that we decided to turn our will and our life over to god as we understood him. And I think our book is being very kind here that we decide to turn our will and life over to God like we're a God bigger than God.

What choice do we really have at this point? Coming in, experiencing step 1, there better be a step 2 for my solution. Step 2 is the solution to this whole thing and all we do in step 3 is make a decision to get to the solution. What choice is there really left there? I mean, we're really at the jumping off place.

There better be something to take me to this power because I'm screwed if I don't get it. It says, oh, many times in AA, you'll hear these these wordy, windy, long arguments on what it is to turn it over. What is step 3 all about? It go on for eons, man. Just this is how I turn it over.

Let go and let God. Turn it over. I want to turn tables over and hit the guy who said, let go and let God. How do you do this? What does this mean?

You know, they would tell me your life's none of your business. I said, that's what you think. It's all my business. You know, how do you how do you let go of this? How do you turn this to this power?

Well, look what our book says. Just what do we mean by that? Just what do we do? Oh, okay. I could follow directions.

Right to the book, right to directions. It's gonna tell me how to do this and what they mean by turning it over. Very clear cut precise exact directions. The first requirement in order to do this, there's a requirement is that I'd be convinced that my life on itself will can hardly be a success. My sponsor answered asked me this question, are you convinced that your life up until this point, this has been a success when you running the show?

And that was pretty easy to answer. Of course it wasn't. That's a yes or no answer by the way. If the prospect starts doing this, well I don't know, leave. On that basis we're almost almost always in collision with something or somebody even though our motives are good.

What I'm about to read, see if this makes sense for where we are currently, if you experience any of this stuff currently. Most people try to live by self propulsion. Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show. Sounds like an a a business meeting so far. Right?

Is forever trying to raise the lights, the the ballet, the scenery and the rest of the play is in his own way. If his arrangements would only stay put, if only people would do as he was, the show would be great, Everyone including himself would be pleased, life would be wonderful. In trying to make these arrangements, our actor may sometimes be quite virtuous. He may be kind, considerate, patient, generous, even modest and self sacrificing. On the other hand, he may be mean, egotistical, selfish and dishonest.

I can I can be so dishonest even when I'm trying to be kind because why I have self seeking motives? I'll pat you on the back and tell you what a great guy you are, great person you are because I have a motive behind it that's dishonest. It's manipulation through kindness. Do I do any of that stuff? That's what they're talking about.

What fuels all of this stuff? Why do I have to be there? Because I'm so attached to my external world to make me feel okay inside. I can never ever stand the fact of you not liking me. I cannot live with that.

I may be able to deal with that for a little while but if if if my external world turns against me, my legs come out from under me. So therefore, I'm fueled by fear and I have to be this actor and director and perform This stage character, so everyone doesn't like me, everyone has to worship me. That's bondage of self. Age 62. And now we get down to the core of what we're about, untreated.

1st paragraph, it says selfishness, self centeredness that we think is the root of our troubles. We're driven by a 100 forms of fear. We're taken by fear. Okay. Self delusion, self seeking, self pity.

And we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation. But we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on who, on me, which later placed me in a position to be heard. I don't think I come in and I'm the actor like Peter says, and I think that, okay. I'm trying to do this.

I'm trying to do that, but just let me just let me get to where I have to be as far as the booze is concerned. And I'll try to go ahead and and and take care of everything. But I've got a motive here. I've got to get to my solution. Here, it talks about selfishness and self centeredness.

And I heard a man, a gentleman by the name of Bob O out of, Colorado, and he described it so well for me. And it's like I'm in a, you know, in the submarine, you have these periscopes, you know, and it's it's like an oblong periscope. And it's I'm looking into it, and it's always looking right back at me. I'm the only one I'm seeing, and I'm walking around this planet like that all the time. Where's mine?

It's a great statement of hope on this next paragraph. So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. And the reason why that's a great statement of hope is because of the if the troubles if all my troubles were of my making and the way I look at them and the way I perceive them today, currently, No one out there has to change. No one out there has to change. All I have to do is follow a few simple rules to get free of that and be awake to that, to the truth in that statement, that my troubles are of my own making, that they arise out of ourselves.

And the alcoholic is an extreme example of self will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so. Delusion. Above everything, we alcoholics must must be rid of selfishness. We must or it kills us. God makes that possible.

That's why part of this solution, all of this solution, is going back a few pages where our constant thought is of others and how we may help meet their needs. It's not a selfish program. We're looking to experience the death of self. Daily dying is successful living. And what this work will do is little by slowly, we will experience the death of self and when we do, what we are is then rocket into that 4th dimension and integrated with this power.

There's a big difference of being driven by self and being free of self And I've been on both sides of that and I prefer being free of self. Trust me. Next sentence. And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without his age, without his aid. That means one day at a time, I'm gonna be falling short.

So one day at a time, I must be seeking him. Many of us had moral or philosophical convictions galore, but we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to. Neither neither could we reduce our self centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. We had to, a must. We had to have god's help.

So I have to have god's help. And for years, while in the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous, I'm looking at that third step. And I don't know why, but for some strange reason at the back of my mind, I'm thinking I have to be cleaned up before I even show up for the 3rd step. I've got it completely backwards. Peter just mentioned it.

I'm I have to die the death of self, and the only way I'm gonna do it or the only way that's ever worked for me is 4 through 9. My I appear to mention something else before about how do you do that? How do you how do I turn my life and my will over to the care of God? And the man that carried the message to me, I asked him the same question. And he just asked asked me, he says, do you know how to count?

I said, well, all you have to do is learn how to count from 4 to 9 and take the actions against your will involved in that. You know how you work step 3, by the way? Put pen to paper and start step 4. It says this is the how and why of it. First of all, we had to quit playing God Why?

It didn't work. Next, which means now, we decided to turn in this here after in the drama of life, God was going to be our director. He is the principal we hire as agent. The principal has power. The agent represents the principal.

I was sharing with someone yesterday, we've all heard of Michael Jordan. Michael Jordan is the principal. He hires an agent to go out and represent him. He represents Michael Jordan. God is the principle.

We represent God. On page 68, in a couple of pages from here, it's gonna say that God will demonstrate through us what he can do. It's a great amount of responsibility and power we're given that we certainly don't deserve. Mhmm. He's the principal, we're the agent.

We represent God in all our affairs even when we fall short. He's the director, he's running the show. It says, he is the father, we are his children. What does a father do for his children? Gives them everything he can.

Loves them, cares for them, nurtures them, doesn't he? Disciplines them. Teaches them. Most good ideas are simple and this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arc to which we passed to freedom. So again, we're building this archway that we're gonna pass through free man at last, our book says.

We're putting the stones in place and we want God to be the director or the builder of this archway. I was a a union guy and a blue collar worker for many years. You don't want me building the archway cause I know how to take shortcuts and it'll probably collapse in 2 weeks. I want God building this. Because lunchtime I relieve a cinder block hanging, going to lunch, I'll see you later.

And God, there's no time with God, they'll make it perfect. We follow directions, we'll have this archway created by God which we pass through, we're electrified and we wake up. And we get free on the other side. It says when we sincerely sincerely took this, such a position, all sorts of remarkable things followed. I work with the bottom of page 62 to these, page 63, 3rd step promises for a couple of months and I've had wonderful experiences sitting with this stuff, these ideas.

It says when we sincerely took such a position, all sorts of remarkable things followed. We had a new employer. Being all powerful, he, God, provided what we needed as a a promise and a warning. He will provide us what we need if we kept close to him and formed his work well. That'll happen.

If we don't, it won't. Established on such a footing, we became less and less interested in ourselves. I'd like you to circle the word less and less. We're less and less interested in ourselves, our little plans and designs, more and more keywords here, circle the words more and more. We became interested in what we can contribute to life.

As we felt new power flow in, as we enjoyed peace of mind, as we discovered we could face life successfully, This sounds like the opposite of the bedevilments on page 52. As we became conscious of God's presence, we began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow or or the hereafter. We were reborn. We didn't even start step 4 yet and they're giving us these promises. That may manifest somewhere in 4 through 9, but they're there nonetheless.

We wake up to these things whenever god sees fit whether they're there. It says, we're now at step 3. Many of us said to our maker as we understood him and they give us our 3rd step prayer. One of the great things my, boat sponsors did for me was this. I was to I read this prayer and, you know, a lot of fancy language in this 3rd step prayer.

That really first time I looked at it, I really wasn't sure what it meant. What my sponsor had me do is it's just a wonderful, assignment. The idea was to have an experience with this book and this book become personal to me. Everything in this book personal to me so I have an experience with it. What he allowed me to do is write out this 3rd step prayer word for word.

And underneath it, write out my interpretation of what this 3rd step prayer meant to me. And I wrote it out my own language. When it says god I offer myself to thee, what what what does that mean? What does that mean to me? And I would write it out line by line.

And little by slowly, I created my interpretation of the 3rd step prayer and suddenly the 3rd step prayer became my prayer. There was a connection, it bridged the gap if you will. Same thing with the 7 step prayer in our book. I did the same thing with that. It became personal to me and I didn't even realize it but I was having an experience because there's some very powerful words in this 3rd step prayer.

So I think for anyone, that would, like to or is able to, we could all kneel down and, and say this prayer. You wanna leave with the mic? Yeah. I'll lead and, of our God. I offer myself today to build with me and to do with me as I will.

Relieve me of the bondage of self. But I may better do thy will. Take away my difficulties. That victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of thy power, thy love, and thy way of life. May I do that with all of us?

Well So the first time the first time I was given and said that prayer in this process, The man that carried the message to me approached me, and we held hands together and did this. And he says, you know, your life's none of your business anymore. Period. I gotta share with you. I was watching everyone do the third step prayer.

You guys are a lot different from New Yorkers because everyone had their eyes closed and did this prayer. In New York, it's kinda like this when Yeah. Looking over your back just in case. That was pretty neat. Now that we did the 3rd step prayer, what does our book says?

It tells us we thought well before taking this step, making sure we were ready. That we can last abandon ourselves utterly to him. We did a 3rd step prayer. Sometimes you'll hear an a we'll work the first three steps, get a good 3rd step, be careful your 4th step, it may get you drunk. You're not ready for your 4th step.

A lot of this contemporary information, by misinformed people and people die off for that. But we've done our 3rd step plan. What does our book say? Bottom of page 63, it says next, which means next. Now, how do I work my 3rd step?

I pick up a pen and paper and I start my 4th step. It says, next, we launch out in a course of vigorous action. We do things with vigor. We go to the gymnasium or or or a health club and we do a vigorous workout. We don't smoke a cigar like I would on a bench and hang out and expect to get results.

We work and that's what telling they're telling us here. The first step of which is a personal house cleaning which many of us had never attempted. Though our decision was vital and crucial, it could have little permanent effect unless once followed by a strenuous effort to face and be rid of the things in ourselves which have been blocking us. Great promise. So if I do this work, this decision is is is is long lasting.

It isn't a temporary thing. Again, the 3rd step is only a decision followed immediately by next we launch, but the 3rd step is still a decision. My friend, Joey, he talks about, you know, like the 3 frogs on a log. There are 3 frogs on a log, lock and one of them decide to jump off. How many frogs you got on the lock?

Some we have some smart people here. There's still 3 because he only made the decision. He didn't take any action and launch and jump. So by doing steps 4 through 9, this decision has a permanent effect. If we don't do 4 through 9, the decision is long as lasting as as the 3rd step prayer took to save, probably.

And what we're gonna do is face and be rid of the things in us which are blocking us from this power. We're gonna be rid of the things, all the manifestations of self which are blocking us from this power and that's where house cleaning comes in. Because in step 4, which you're about to talk about, it has nothing to do with what you did to me even though you may have done something to me that was harmful. It's about me taking a look at my part in every situation. And we're gonna do we're gonna be talking about, resentments, the number one offender that kills alcoholics, fears, sex inventory principles and institutions.

It talks about going back through our lives. Step 4 does not start with our first drink up until where we are currently. It's about as going back as far as we can remember because the isms were there before we picked up a drink. Now I've had things happen to me and I've heard many people share these things over the years. We're gonna be looking at step 4 about where was my part?

What role did I play in this? Where was I at fault? Well, some of us had things happen to us as little children that weren't very pleasant. Being violated and things like that. And I showed up to my sponsor and I told him, hey, I didn't do anything wrong.

I was a little boy. I was about 8 years old. Where am I at fault in this? This book is a lie. I made a mistake and I was a little bit angry about it.

And, he had a similar thing happened to him, this was with my first sponsor and he asked me this question, how long have you been hating this person for? And I thought about it and I, you know, I can feel the blood rising, and, feeling a lot of ugly feelings about this man. And I says I still do hate him And if I'm old enough now and I'm physically fit enough to do some harm to him, and I would like to maybe one day do this. And he says, that's what you need to be rid of. Just that.

Because you've been harboring this for so long and that is one of the any lens. You don't have to love the person. You don't have to have a relationship with him. You just need to let go of the hate because that will keep me blocked. That will be that thing, that that wedge that is still between me and this power.

And that was certainly rubber hitting the road for me. I can tell you this because I'm sure there are a bunch of us who've had similar experiences like that in in this room this morning or this afternoon. I experienced, a great freedom because I thought it was something I was foolish to try to get rid of. I did not want to get rid of. And I didn't think I was gonna be able to get rid of.

But by working through this stuff and lots of disciplines, I got to and some outside help, I got to a place of being free of that. No longer feeling like I caused any of that stuff. No longer believing I was dirty because of it. I got completely free of that and I've been in this gentleman's company a couple of times and I was placed in a position of neutrality, safe and protected. Thank God.

Because if I wasn't, I don't know what my reaction reaction would be to him now as an adult male. But that was god doing for me what I can never do for myself. If I if I was sick and untreated, I may be in jail for doing harm to him today. But god knows what I need and gives me what I need. So I can promise you that you get we can get free of a lot of things, probably everything in alcohols anonymous if we work at it, I'll be taken there.

And I should look in the mirror today with dignity, no longer ashamed, And I did for many many years. I felt horrific on the inside. That's great news, I think, to us. See, it's always about the drink but it's also about a lot of other things that we need to be free of. Because the drink now is removed.

We're in step 4. It was separated from alcohol. Now we have alcoholism and all the things that accompany it. It's a magnet to trouble. It's a magnet to manifestations itself.

It's just a magnet and it just breeds more resentment, more fear, more frustration, more anger and we need to do something about it. And there are little dramas in life that we've all experienced that we're harboring and God forbid we should tell someone else. Right? Ego won't allow it. And I found when I shared this stuff the first time I was waiting for the whole a a room to walk out the door and I can't tell you how many people came up to me afterwards and had very similar experiences.

I knew once again I was not alone. We've all had our little behind the scene things that no one needs to know about, But step 4 demands we put this stuff down in order to be free. Therefore, we started upon a personal inventory. This was step 4. A business which takes no personal, no regular inventory usually goes broke.

Taking a commercial inventory is a fact finding, searching, and a fact facing. Feel it. All we're doing is facing facts and putting them on paper, and we go into this with prayer. It is an effort an effort to discover the truth about the stock and trade. One object is to disclose damaged or unsaleable goods, as Peter was sharing.

To get rid of them promptly and without regret. If the owner of the business is to be successful, he cannot fool himself about values. What is it worth? We did exactly the same thing with our lives. We took stock honestly.

First, we searched out the flaws in our makeup, which caused our failure. Being convinced that self manifested in various ways was what had defeated us, we consider this common manifestations. I have to put this on paper in black and white and take a look at it. There's something that happens when I put pen to the paper that doesn't happen between my two ears when I'm trying to think about it. And I've listened in Alcoholics Anonymous when we're on 4th steps, and all they're talking about, oh, I've taken it in my head.

I've taken my head. I take my inventory in my head for 20 years back and forth in and out of the fellowship of alcoholics anonymous, and I'm doing that with a sick mind. All I'm doing is beating myself up. So we'll let Peter start off with the, the Peter's right. Okay.

I should raise Yep, Peter. Four column inventory. Resentment. Person we're angry with. Cause is the reason we're angry with this person, and we can include self and god in that column.

We also can write 4 column inventory or answer questions with fear which we'll get to later. The person I'm angry with, the cause, the reason why. Resentment my boss cause didn't pay me overtime money. Resentment, my wife, cause, burned dinner again. Okay.

Affects. There's 7 areas of life they talk about. Personal relationships, how I think this relationship ought to look like, my self esteem, how I see or feel about myself, my security, what I need to be okay, My ambition, my goals, my aspirations, my sex relations. And not only sex, but my idea of how a man ought to be in a relationship, a role of a man, and what I think a role of a woman ought to be. Pride, how I think others see me.

Pocketbook, money. The person, self or god that we're angry with, the reason why we list either all or some of the areas of of self that are affected and where I'm at fault. And this is where rubber hits the road because no one wants to look at self in here. These are the manifestations of self in column 4. Selfishness, self centeredness, anger, lust, greed, frustration, all of it.

This is where I show up right in here and that's the stuff in column 4 that has to be removed. If I remove what's in column 4, none of this other stuff is going on. Ideally, if I have no column 4, I'm free, aren't I? Because none of these other none of these other areas are affected. There's no cause to be angry with someone and none of these areas of my life are affected because I don't have self running the show.

Four column inventory is the the most simplest set of instructions to follow and most of us balk at it. If you wanna if you're sponsoring someone and you wanna lose them, get them to step 4 ASAP. You know that nudge prospect who tells you every single thing that's going on, get them to step 4, he'll find somebody else. Or they'll get to the first three columns and get to 4 and they'll balk again. And what I did with this was I listed people.

We went since we went back through our lives before the first drunk. And I I start writing people in the first column. And my sponsor instructed me, do not deny the spirit. Ask god for the power to be searching, fearless, and moral and to see truth. And I start writing names, mom, dad, grandparents, cousins, aunts, and I just start writing names and the names are just flowing off the pen.