Primary Purpose on Saturday morning at the Primary Purpose Weekend in Camp Hill, PA

My name's, Chris Raymer. I'm a recovered alcoholic. Hi, Raymer. I, I wanna kinda pick up where Myers, left off, kinda focus in a little bit on this primary purpose piece. Some of the great feedback we've had, already, stimulates a lot of thought.

Peter's gonna share a little bit after I do, and then we're gonna get some questions from up here on the podium, and, and, that ought to be interesting. So you guys, you know, you jot down some questions that you'll do like me and you'll forget. I know I've I've been having senior moments since I was 35. You know, it's just it goes in one area. This I introduced myself as a recovered alcoholic today for a reason.

And, some of y'all were were commenting on that last night. I I understand, the the party line BS coming out of treatment is, of course, that we'll always be recovering. And, I get people all the time that says, well, to introduce yourself as a recovered alcoholic is sounds pretty arrogant. You know, from a for a newcomer, it sounds pretty hopeful. We take a lot of shots, we, Alcoholics Anonymous, takes a lot of take a lot of shots out there because of Alcoholics Anonymous' inability or just not wanting to take responsibility for the message that's being carried out there.

Early days of Alcoholics Anonymous, there were people that introduced themselves as recovered alcoholics. I wanna explain real quick what we're talking about here. I have alcoholism and and, I will die with alcoholism. Y'all understand it? But as a result of working the 12 steps and continued work in in this business, continued carrying the message, continued prayer and meditation, 4th and 5th steps, night review.

My disease has been placed in remission. 2 weeks after I got to this fellowship, I had a spiritual experience that changed me forever. My obsession to drink lifted between the 4th 5th step. I'd had a completed 4th step ready to go, ready to dump a 5th step, and the obsession to drink lifted. That was 17 years ago.

Now folks, I gotta tell you something, that's as recovered as you're gonna get. I mean, we we we I work in an industry that wants to keep us sick. I need to talk a little bit about this because I know a lot of y'all are products of treatment centers, and and I'm a huge fan of treatment centers. I understand that for many of us, being physically separated for the chemical needed to be away locked up. And and, I just I see so many people that could never get sober any other way, they finally sober that way.

And so I know that there's, excuse me, some benefits from it. But the message in Alcoholics Anonymous, in in in the sixties seventies, early sixties seventies, we we had a a thing in this country called a certificate of need. In other words, you couldn't open a treatment center unless you could produce us this certificate that said that that your area needed it. Y'all y'all follow us? And then legislature got involved in big business, got involved in hospitals who were showing very slagging sales, you know, got involved.

And all of a sudden, that law was repealed. And so what happened is that every Tom, Dick and Harry that came down the pipe that decided they wanted to open a treatment center could do that. If you had a little money backing you, you could open a treatment center. Now, of course, you know, you gotta come up with something new, so people come to your treatment center. So we're gonna we're gonna we're gonna move beyond Alcoholics Anonymous.

And now we're gonna start using lots of other therapeutic techniques and psychodrama and and inner child work, and we're gonna do a lot of And a lot of it was good stuff. We learned a lot of stuff, cool cool things from that. And, but we didn't get sober. I mean, it was a drag. And so, there was a period of time Some of y'all have heard me talk about this, and I think it's important.

There was a period of time, with towards the late seventies when you could start seeing drop off rates in the United States in Alcoholics Anonymous. I mean, we can talk about this in our prefaces. We show this great When the when the prefaces of the second edition was was in 1955, we had success success success rate in the United States right around 75%. And and and after that it began to dwindle. You're with us?

As a direct result of all of these other people feeding information into our fellowship. Y'all you're down with that? And a lot of this information was incorrect information, but we set as a fellowship and allowed it to come into our fellowship, and it became norm that you can never recover, that you will always be recovering, you will always be sick. I'm gonna tell you, trust me, they don't want you to get well. I want you to come to treatment and spend a big chunk of change.

I would rather you come back to treatment 4 or 5 times than spend a big chunk of change. You're down with that? Insurance companies in the early nineties got sick and tired of paying for a lot of these treatments. Treatment in the 19 eighties, average treatment stay cost you about 30 to $40,000 Easy. Treatment centers were I mean, million errors were being made daily out of the treatment center industry.

Insurance companies were paying like slot machines. Insurance companies got tired of paying because because they began to see that we were getting this this relapse rate was unbelievable, and so they stopped paying. Almost overnight, all the treatment centers went out of business. In 1993 alone, there was over 600 treatment centers in the United States that went belly up. Pits up.

Out of business. No more. Big? Was it because we didn't need the treatment centers? No.

We needed every single one of them. The bottom line was nobody could make money in treatment anymore because the people weren't getting sober. Y'all y'all with me? So I hear a lot of people taking shots at treatment centers. Their damn treatment centers almost ruined our fellowship.

I agree. But I wanna tell you this, Alcoholics Anonymous rolled over. Alcoholics Anonymous allowed it to happen. When all of us coming from treatment walked into these meetings and started talking about our inner child, we let them. When they started coming in talking about Gorski, by God, relapse prevention crap.

Here's the word folks, triggers. We let them. Ain't that right? Yeah. And now and now we're paying the price.

Because a lot of these people that went to those treatment centers and got sober, that weren't even alcoholics, they're they're sitting in meetings, and they're the ones that are giving the little big book comers a hard time today, because we're trying to bring the message of of of hope back to the newcomer. You think you've got nothing to share with with a newcomer that bring them hope with with a couple of weeks of sobriety under your belt? You've worked the steps, and and you've and you've you've you've had this spiritual experience. Introduce yourself as a recovered alcoholic and give those people some hope. I'm gonna tell you something.

That's the that's the one thing I guarantee I can soapbox longer and harder than anything else. This idea that we were all sick peep we're just sick people trying to get well. In in 2 years, you'll come back into the same meeting. We're just sick people trying to get well. When are we gonna get well?

What? Is it any wonder that we can't keep the young adults in our meetings? Who in the hell at 19 years old wants to come into a room full of people saying, I'm just powerless, powerless over people, places, and things. I I I wanna puke. I just wanna puke.

I said it last night. I'll say it today. I am not powerless over people, places, and things. I am powerless over the outcome. I don't know what's gonna happen tonight.

Y'all down with that? But I can guarantee you this, I can make some some some logical judgments based on an awakened spirit. Peter talked about it last night. This idea that when we have this spiritual experience, folks, it's not that all of a sudden, you know, we're gonna be little sunbeams for Jesus and everything's gonna change. It's that our spirit and that may happen to you.

I'm not knocking that, but I'm saying our spirits awaken. Our spirits awaken to the day. You see? We awaken to the people around us and what's going on. We we begin to develop an an intuitive thought process where whereas a person can come in the room and we gotta do is look at them and know they're in a bad spot.

You know what I was saying? Before, I couldn't see that because I was so turned into myself. Myers puts it more eloquently than me, but, you know, I spent most of my life, most of my adult life for sure, with my head firmly planted right up my butt. Is it a wonder? You know, I just feel like life's passing me by.

It it is. It is. Jeez. I mean, I got I got sober, and all of a sudden, I mean, you know, I had this awakening, and it's like, all of a sudden, look at those flowers. Will you?

Look at smell that air, you know, and it's just the little stuff. You get to see the architecture and you get to see the cool people and have absolute friendships again. And it's like it's it's a it's a cool thing. And you start talking about this in most groups. We're laughing about it, but you go in most groups and start talking about this awakened spirit, they're gonna ridicule you.

Why don't we talk about what the newcomer can really understand? Hurt. I I don't know. I I wanna get us all on the same page here because I because I wanna mention some stuff. One of the things that, the the people at Alcoholics Anonymous never did for me, and I will I'll talk more about it, this afternoon, is qualify me, to to find out once and for all if I was truly an alcoholic or not.

Maybe I was an addict or or or not or or both. You know, we we need to find out. In in the hospitals that I'm associated with, we we really try to make sure that the newcomer knows that because I think it's important. They asked me at my first meeting, Chris, do you have problems with alcohol? Uh-huh.

Welcome. You know, and I remember sitting down, like, I've just been slapped. It's like, what what is that? I mean, everybody has problems with alcohol, don't they? You know what it is like?

I can't I can't There's a difference between, as I said last night, having problems with alcohol and being an alcoholic. One is going to be problematic for a period of time, then you're gonna outgrow it and go have a nice life. The other is gonna be problematic for a while, and then you're gonna die. I mean, it's fatal. It's progressive and chronic, and we and we gotta help the newcomer find out what it is.

Because once you have a first step experience, once you understand the physical allergy and the mental obsession and the spiritual malady that the book talks about, you're not gonna have a problem finishing these steps. I I talked to somebody and says, well, you know, I'm having trouble with these amends. How long you've been working on them? Oh, you know, a few years. You're not having trouble with the amends.

You're having trouble with the first step. Because obviously you think you've got some power around this crap. Y'all with this? Every step that you're stumped I love it when they come to, I'm having trouble with this God stuff. No, you're not.

You're having trouble with the first step experience. You don't think you're really one of us. Do you think for a second that you've got a you've got a you've got a a disease that's gonna kill you, right? And God is your solution. The spiritual in and out, in and out.

It's not about not understanding this or not understanding that. It's about you don't understand the first step. And once you have this first step experience and understand, are you really one of us? You will finish this work and do it like the book said, rapidly. This is a theme that we're gonna talk about all day long.

The number one, mistake we make in our fellowships today, the number one thing I I I hear people come out of their mouth saying that kills more alcoholics than anything else is, take your time to work the steps. And we've gotta stop that. Our primary purpose is to carry the message of hope to the newcomer. Our service structure is built on this idea that we have one message to carry. What's that message?

Working the 12 steps. I I I got a fatal illness. Why in the hell do I wanna take my time to work those steps? That's a cop out. That was that was treatment center crap.

That's where it came from. Early days of Alcoholics Anonymous. Well, I'm just I'm gonna tell you right now. Bill Wilson was was was 9 days in town's hospital, still detoxing, when he had his barn burning spiritual experience. Evie's working him through the steps when he has his white light experiencing Townes Hospital.

Y'all down with that? Doctor Bob, couple of weeks, worked the steps. Bill b, couple of weeks to work the steps. First guys in Outlawless Anonymous, all of them, worked the steps within a within within the first 30 days. They didn't even bring them to meetings, for heaven's sakes, until they had done a 3rd step prayer because they had nothing to share.

And we're sitting in in in in meetings watching newcomers come in and sit. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Give me your little phone number.

Welcome, newcomer packet. Well, you keep welcome. And they're dying. We're just spinning our wheels with these guys. You know?

We need to be grabbing them by the neck and jerking them. But you buddy, you got a sponsor? You ready to work these steps? Let's qualify you. Let's get you let's get you to business.

We gotta get you to God. We gotta get you to God quick because I can't fix what's wrong with you. Treatment Centers made us believe that people around us could help us. The book says self knowledge availed us nothing. Isn't that what it says?

If if knowledge would fix us, why do I have a hospital down there in Kerrville with with with a 100 patients in there, most of them with multiple degrees in their pocket? Why do we treat so many clergymen? Why do we treat so many doctors and psychiatrists? These are all intelligent people because self knowledge avails them nothing. Knowing about this disease is not going to fix you.

How how are you gonna learn about sex? You gonna go do it or you gonna go read a book? I spent more years than I care to think about reading books. Finally, in 19 early early on, I guess I was about 18, pushing 19 years old. Some little pantry girl up at the end of the hills, had mercy on me and and and Bless her.

Bless every woman that ever had pity on some schmuck. Okay. Here. Page 62. Turn to it real quick.

If you got your books. Some of you don't have this marked. The book says that I don't have a choice whether I'm gonna drink or not, folks. And we go into treatment and they spend 30 days trying to explain to us how alcohol and drugs are our problem. You down with that?

Page 62, it says selfish and self centeredness, that we think is the root of our troubles. Driven by a 100 forms of fear, self delusion, self seeking, and self pity. We step on the toes, and they retaliate. Sometimes without provocation, but seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in our past, we've made decisions based on self, which latest play later later placed us in a position to be hurt. So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making.

Y'all with us? They arise out of ourselves, and the alcohol is an extreme example of self will run riot. Selfish and self centeredness, exclamation point. That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Guys, I'm around AA for 7 years and nobody read that to me.

They said alcohol is the trouble. We're gonna show you some tricks to stay away from the alcohol so you can stay sober. Avoid your triggers. You with us? Had had a guy this week come and says, I go to the same beer joint every day after work.

You know what the what the solution was? Go home a different way. Hot damn. Why didn't I think of that? That's unbelievable.

Unbelievable. And I think it's good stuff to teach early in sobriety. These are all tricks that'll help you stay sober. That's great. But if you're depending on these little tricks, these little parlor games to keep you sober the rest of your life, you're gonna die.

Guys, my deal with you guys is is is what doesn't trigger me? No, really. My buddy Eddie out in San Diego, you know, he he he says, Chris, I finally come up with the with the with the with the with the perfect trigger, the all inclusive trigger. It's called consciousness. Because isn't it the truth?

It is well, just I mean, when didn't I dream? What doesn't remind me of dope? What does I mean, this is ridiculous. The only thing that's gonna save me is get taken to a place where the obsession to drink, the desire to drink, is removed. And I'm around AA for 7 years and I don't think that'll ever happen.

I'm not even looking for that because I think it's absurd because everybody keeps trying to teach me tricks to just stay away from it. And that's why in 1987, it was like it was suicide time for me. It was time to take a bottle of pills because I didn't think there was anything that's gonna ever work. I don't seem to have the willpower that you people have. I see y'all staying sober, but I can't do it.

I didn't understand that those people were actually working the 12 steps and doing some work. And the miracle was taking place in them. See, the primary purpose that was supposed to be shared with me for 7 years in Alcoholics Anonymous was never shared. And I gotta tell you, these tapes, these CDs, they travel around the country and people hear this, and that that statement I just made pisses people off every time. Everybody wants to put the responsibility back on the newcomer.

Well, he just didn't want it. He just wasn't ready. Guys, that may be true in some instances, I'm gonna tell you. But, I mean, I remember the times that I came into Alcoholics Anonymous in the early eighties and really wanted to stay sober, really needed to stay sober. But but I I just I couldn't do it because we were so busy sitting in these meetings talking about every other thing in the world except our primary purpose, except the steps.

We talk about the problems until the cows come home. This afternoon, when I get a shot at you, I'm we're gonna spend some time talking about this pissing and moaning stuff. We're gonna spend some time talking about these war story stuff. It's gonna be my little love hour. Right after lunch.

I'm with you. I'm with you. I'm with you. John, you know, and it's like there's so many of us in this room that that are on the same page. But we walk out there, and and everybody wants to take shots at us.

So I'm just here I'm just here to say, I was talking to somebody, and I'm I'll shut up and get down and let Peter share with you a minute. One of the things that my sponsor taught me early on is that I don't have to defend the big book. And a lot of you guys, again, you think this is a battle out there in our rooms, and I know it seems like that. But you you guys are you guys are carrying the message of hope. You're carrying the clear message out of the book.

Our tradition that Myers read this morning that we just talked about, our primary purpose is to carry the message to the alcoholic who still suffers. That's our primary purpose. The message is not what you can do with your babysitter, or what you can do with your divorce, or what you need to do with your 4 0 0fucking 1 k. I don't know. I I I I don't know.

But but it is not it is not that other stuff. Those are all outside issues. The book does not need to be defended. It is crystal clear. We have our marching orders.

Whether you have the responsibility to follow those orders is beside the point. If you want to, great. If you don't want to, that's fine too. Go away. That's cool.

No nobody's feelings are gonna be hurt. Alcoholics Anonymous is not the only way to get sober. There are people getting sober everyday, one way or not. I don't know. I tried colonics one time.

I I got real regular for a while, but I kept drinking. You know what I'm saying? The easier softer way for me was the 12 step. Here, Peter. Go.