Friday night at the Primary Purpose Weekend in Camp Hill, PA

Can can you hear me alright? My My name is Chris Raymer. I'm a recovered alcoholic. I I'm delighted to be here. Road weary.

I tell you. You know, you say somebody asked you to speak, and you say, yeah. I can speak. In in your mind, you envision it is an hour you're gonna get up and talk, or we're gonna do a little workshops tomorrow, and we're gonna get to do some interchanging, and we're gonna get to visit. But you don't re you don't think about the the 12 hours sitting in the airport before you get to do the Hey.

It's unbelievable. Unbelievable. It's an honor to be here. It's cool. Peter and, and Myers both alluded to that.

We get a chance to reconnect with some buddies that we haven't seen in ages, and a lot of you guys in here, it's just, what an honor to see you and, have you on this path with us. And, y'all know where we're coming from, y'all know where we're going, so it that's no big deal. A lot of you haven't met yet, and, some of you, the only thing you know about Chris Ramer is that, you picked up a CD one time, or most likely a sponsor handed you a CD and said, here, listen to this. And depending on where you were spiritually that night, you you either roll the window down and chunked it out the side or or you, You know, because, you know, what the guys were saying earlier is so true. I I, y'all get let me I gotta put this a certain way, because we're gonna cover some stuff this weekend.

It's guaranteed. Some of you are not gonna agree with some of the stuff we're talking about. And it's like, you you know, you're you're so welcome to not agree with something. You know, that's the coolest. No.

You know, over the years, you know, I've just gotten to a spot where I think we really need to talk about this a minute. Because, because so many of you think what we're trying to do is jam this down your throat. And and it's like you've been brought up to to to understand in Alcoholics Anonymous that this is a an easygoing deal and take what you want and leave the rest. We hear that in meetings, and, you know, it's if these are just suggestions, you know, there's no must. You could just, you know, it's like, god, dang.

Can you can you just water this down anymore for us tonight? You know? And it's like and so we come from this place of, you know, kind of, you know, in your face with it, and and it and it takes some of you aback. And and the the what you need to understand is we're coming from a place of probably a a bit of urgency because we know that some of you don't have much luck getting this unless you finally do this work. I mean, there's 2 things we gotta look at.

I think first, going in the door. There's a lot of people in Alcoholics Anonymous that don't even need to be here. I mean, I've said this from the podium. You you Myers said it. You wanna clear a room, just start talking about this in an AA meeting, you know, because there's a lot people get real offended.

You know, if you wanna piss somebody off in Alcoholics Anonymous, give them the ammunition to possibly realize that they're not an alcoholic. Because they said they they the hard part is just the hard part was just accepting that I was an alcoholic. Not my experience. You know, I I I spent 20 years out there drinking and drugging, calling myself an alcoholic. I knew I was an alcoholic.

I there was no this was no epiphany. I'm an alcoholic. It was just it was this was not my experience. I knew I was an alcoholic, you know? But you you the fellowship has gotten so who drink a lot, and they look a lot like us, as alcoholics, but they're not suffering from a disease called alcoholism.

Y'all with us? There's a lot of hard drug addicts out there that are they're not drug addicts. They're they're hard drug users. Maybe they're physically addicted to the drug, but once you detox them off the drugs, they don't ever go back to it. But now they're in our fellowship.

I've said it from a 1000000 podiums, and the coffee's pretty good, and the women are the best looking in the world, you know, and and a lot of good domino players here, and we, you know, we we smoke cigars and talk trash and it's a pretty nice fellowship and so we just stay. And those are the people that are killing people. And those are the people that have got that are chock full of opinions. I'm gonna tell you something, folks. I'm I'm gonna give you a little bit of my story tonight.

We're not gonna keep you long, but I I need to tell you, those are the cats that had the toughest time with what the 3 of us are saying from these podiums. The rigidity of the program, the rigidity of a thing called a spiritual path is not of my making. I didn't write the damn book. I wish I had. We'd be rich.

I I, I didn't create this thing called a spiritual path, you know, that it's not just Alcoholics Anonymous that talks about the spiritual path, you know, every religion in the world, every faith, doctrine, belief out there has got a thing called a spiritual path, and that spiritual path is narrow and if you want to get on it You better know the way to get there and you better struggle to stay on it because that's where the true happiness is I didn't come up with that. I Wish I did but I I didn't I'm a real alcoholic, folks. If you're a hard drinker, and you can quit on a non spiritual basis, my book says on page 34, if you can stop on a non spiritual basis, you're not an alcoholic. If you can stop because you've got the DWI, if you can stop because the good looking woman said, if you'd come home drunk again, I'm gonna kick your you're we're done. And you can stop, put the plug in again, I'm gonna kick your ass.

You're we're done. And you can stop, put the plug in a jug one day at a time, not had a drink in 30 years. How nice for you. But, you know, the newcomer, the the the the the kid sitting in the back, knowing that he's gonna walk out of this room and drink tonight, who sees you say, I just chose to stop and stopped, is getting mixed messages here. If I could choose to stop, just like Peter said, I guys, in 1976, I was eating out of dumpsters in Houston, Texas, not wanting to do that.

My life was not exactly manageable in in in my in my early twenties. If I could have chosen to stop then, I would have. I've stopped a million times. Every time I got in a fight with another girl, I stopped. Every time I got arrested again, I stopped.

Every time I got in trouble at work again, I stopped. And and I started again. And therein lies the crux of the problem, the mental obsession. How do we overcome the mental obsession and that stupid spiritual malady that makes me so uncomfortable I can't stand it? We work the 12 steps.

Pretty simple message, isn't it? Guys, you know, this is this is really black and white stuff. This is this is pretty direct. This is not nebulous, weird. Whoo, you know?

Some of us are gonna get it, and some of us are not. I mean, I hear that in meetings all the time. I I hear guys come up with a post. You know, I don't know how this works. Well, thanks for sharing all that hope with us tonight.

And how long have you been sober? Oh, you know, since Jesus was a little boy. Oh, okay. Well, that's good. You know?

I'm gonna tell you something, folks. I don't know a lot about a lot of stuff, but I know this. I know how to get sober, and I know how to stay sober. And it is not willy nilly, and it is not one day at a time. I have been given a daily reprieve based on the maintenance of my spiritual condition.

I understand that, but this bullshit of of thinking that tomorrow could be different as long as I continue to do what I'm doing. I mean, I believe God loves us a little more than that. And this idea that today I'm hanging on to the sub that's where Myers is talking about. We don't have time folks to be walking a tightrope called sobriety. Because if that's what you're doing, I want you to stay this weekend.

I want you to we're gonna be here tomorrow morning and tomorrow night, tomorrow afternoon, and and and we're gonna talk about some stuff. And if you can come at this with an open mind, maybe you're gonna have a new experience with this and get motivated enough to try to do what we've tried to do. Not perfectly, just try to do it. And I guarantee you, you will have an experience just like Myers and and Peter were talking about. It'll blow you out of the water.

See, what I get from this program is power. Lack of power was my dilemma. That's what the book says. We all think it's just we hear it in meetings. Y'all heard me speak on those stupid CDs.

You know? People wanna say in the meetings all the time. We were just powerless. I'm just powerless over people, places, and things. What a what a what a cop out.

You see, my my sponsor, Mark, and he says, Chris, if you think you're so powerless, look at your amens list. Boy, you got the power to stir up a bunch of mud here, buddy. We are not powerless people, and I am not powerless over people, places, and things. I mean, I today, I get to be with the people I wanna be with. I make a decision to to do I'm not powerless.

There's just so much in this program that I I believe so many people are missing, and and our passion, I know, offends some people. God dang, if I wanted to be preached to, I'd have gone to church. Yeah. Screw you. Wait.

It's it's it's like if it's if it's a little bit different, if it feels a little awkward, then it must be wrong. You know, that's that's how come I couldn't stay sober for for 7 years in and out of Alcoholics Anonymous, you know? I'd say, I wanna get sober. I'd come in, just pick up a desire to, sling snot everywhere, you know, just you know how we do. We get so dramatic, you know?

It's just like and so and I'm I know my life is over as I know it, but I'm gonna try a new walk with God today. And I mean, no, we're just big just drunk, you know, and but I'm you know, I'm gonna try it, and I'm gonna do everything you ask me to do right up until the point you asked me to do something that I don't wanna do. And then just exactly like my my 2 brothers shared earlier, and then I'm gonna give you every excuse in the world why this doesn't apply to me, why I don't have to do that. And, you know, if you stay in some groups where there's a bunch of middle of the road solution and a bunch of people that are not carrying books and they don't know what this is about, about, they'll justify everything that you wanna do. It's okay to cheat on your wife?

Just talk to enough guys and they'll set finally, you'll find one that'll say, well, you know, we're not All Saints here. Go ahead. Right hot checks, show up late to work, quit your job without a notice, you can do all the chicken shit stuff that you always did when you were out there drinking, and somebody else, well, did you drink today? No. Well, then you had a successful day.

No, you didn't. You're an embarrassment to yourself, to the fellowship, to everybody around you. A successful day because I didn't drink. Like Mickey Bush says, neither did the cat. But you know what?

Let me let me tell you where I go here. Some of y'all heard me talk about this, and I want to keep an eye on that clock. That's no pun intended. Keep an eye on that clock. That crack me up.

I, I work at a hospital, a treatment center down the Hill Country, been there about 33 years and, it's a 12 step based treatment center and I'm I was fortunate enough 10 years ago, 11 years ago to snag a job out there doing clerical work. I do statistical work for this hospital, and, we work in marketing some and and run a little store and but it's a trade off. You know, they let us do a lot of this paperwork, and then for an hour every day, they let us work with some patients and talk to them about the big book. And so we've got this this this controversial lecture every morning where we talk about the truth that comes out of the big book, you know, and the patients are given a book when they get there and if they show up late, I I eat their ass, you know? Because I believe it's a part of being honest.

It's a it's it's a honesty thing, you know, you say you're gonna do something by God do it. If you don't want to do it, tell somebody you don't want to do do it. It's it's cool. But but if you say you're y'all with us? And so we try to hold them accountable and try to get them connected with groups like we know so many up here in in the north.

I wish we had some of these groups down in Texas. Groups where they don't have a problem talking about God and where they do understand the importance of working with others. And and and this weekend, that's what we're gonna be talking about. And like I said, if if if your experience around this dead and jive with ours, you're perfectly okay to come ask us questions or tomorrow. We'll have a lot of feedback back and forth and you can talk about this.

I don't wanna set this I before I do this, I don't wanna set this picture up that this weekend, what we're trying to do is there's, like, this is boot camp for AA Nazis, and we're gonna go out there, and we're gonna start beating people up with a big book and stuff, because it's not, you know, I'm gonna tell you personally right now, and I think my sponsor would probably die if you heard me say this, I don't really give a rat's butt how you work the steps. As long as you work them. I mean, there's so many different ways that you can do this. The the instructions are pretty specific, and I think if you will adhere to it, that is the easier, softer way. But but, I mean, if you follow the directions, to work the steps rapidly is one direction that's in the book.

It tells us quite clearly to finish the steps to go work with others. I think if you do that, you're gonna have a spiritual experience that's guaranteed to you. You're you're down with that? Every I mean, everybody I'm I'm sick and tired of walking into groups and having people get pissed just because we're in the room because they think that we're we're so controversial, we're so different. All we're trying to do is go back to the way that we were working the steps in the early days of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Barefoot Bill, I get emails from 100 of you people, thousands of phone calls from you people all over the country, wherever we speak. I get cats calling. And here's here's the comment coming from you. I went into the meeting, I carried my big book, we started talking about the solution, and some old crusty guy over there in the corner started giving us a hard time because we weren't sharing from our heart, we were sharing from the book. And so I stopped.

You know, and that's what I did for years in this fellowship. I let other people tell me how to how to work my program. Listening to somebody share from the heart would not have saved JR. The 12 steps would have saved JR. I I I I hear people all the time out.

I mean, I'm not trying to be flipping here and some of you can grind your teeth and go go pound sand for all I care. Have have I has my life been affected by love in this fellowship? Yes. Have I been blessed? Yes.

But love will not overcome alcoholism. God overcomes alcoholism. The spiritual experience overcomes alcoholism. And if I wanna have a spiritual experience, guys, if it was just love, I'd have been sober a 1000000 years ago. There was more love in my family than you can shake a stick at.

I've been I I have never had a problem with lack of love in my life. We we lie to the newcomer when we paint this picture that love is what's gonna do it. Love and tolerance. Love and tolerance is our code. Love and tolerance.

Live and let live, brother. Easy does it. You keep coming back here. Unbelievable. Sat in meetings for 7 years folks I started drinking at 17 and the miracle that took place place in Peter and his talk happened to me and the spiritual malady was treated instantly by Boone's farm apple wine on the Guadalupe River down with that one colds January night The month that our co founder Bill Wilson passed away, I started drinking.

71. And I spent the next 20 years chasing the dragon Looking for that happy spot where everything was going to be okay steady blaming everybody around me for why it wasn't Years into it as my life began to Materialize in front of me that it wasn't quite going to be as successful as I thought it was going to be. I Started seeing therapists by the dozen and I started seeing doctors by the dozens and I ate antidepressants and I went to therapy and I went to church and My life would get get better for a minute, and then it would turn to crap again. And I was steady drinking, and later on I drugged. Can y'all get down with this?

And I went from paycheck to paycheck to paycheck, from woman to woman to woman, from town to town to town, trying to find my happy spot on this Earth, not realizing that the happy spot was inside me all along. And all I had to do was get connected with that and in 1987, I was so happy that I went up to my little apartment up in North Texas. I was working for for Myers. Thank God for family that would give me a job. And, I was not a happy camper.

I was paying the bills, but I was not doing anything else, and I was miserable. I could not stand myself. We were talking earlier this week. I was remembering a morning right, right there close to when we, when I quit drinking. Coming out of Kroger's 1 morning, was a Saturday morning and I needed to go into work to finish some stuff and, I started to pull out of Kroger's I just got my antidepressants filled my little prescriptions and, I was taking about 7 of them a day.

It works better when you wash them down with booze. And, and I and I remember see if y'all can get down with this. You know, the the the big book talks about the spiritual malady, and it talks about this low self esteem and this feeling of uselessness, and there's a line on page 52 that says we have no sense of direction y'all with me and I'm sitting there in the Kroger parking lot and I'm pulled up to the stop sign and it's like it's decision time Chris You're gonna turn left and go to work you're gonna turn right go back up to your apartment and sit because I'm full of fear I mean I I wanna go what I wanna do is go get in a fetal position under the bed and be left alone, you know? Turn on the TV, zone out, because I'm so uncomfortable inside and I'm sitting there at this stoplight folks and I have this like mini breakdown. You know mean?

I just can't decide what to do. I don't know whether to go to work. I don't know whether to go to the house. And I just like I'm 35 years old, and I'm I'm I'm overweight, and I and I can't put 2 sentences. I mean, I'm I'm a mess.

I'm sitting there at the stoplight crying, and it's like people are honking behind me, and I can't figure out how to get out of the intersection. I mean, I'm just I'm in an old beat up pickup truck, $600 pickup truck. I'll tell you what kind of I I am not a happy camper. That's the hell on Earth. I've got lots of problems, guys, that need attention.

My finances, my health, relationships, my work. I got a lot of things I need to be focused on, and I'm just trying to figure out how to get out of this parking lot. You're you're down with that? I mean, but it is just it's coming over me in a tidal wave. It's such such the book says it in the doctor's opinion.

It our problems pile up on them and they become astonishingly difficult to solve. Jesus. A few days later, I go home after work and take a bottle of Valium and some and try to commit suicide. I have a a voice that night that said, don't do it. Go back to AA.

Don't know what the voice was. Don't care. I believe it was God. Next morning, I made myself sick. The next morning, I heard a voice say, go back to AA.

Went to a doctor that morning, showed up, did my work, detoxing. Went to a 6 o'clock meeting that night. Knew where the meeting was, somebody showed it to me years ago. I just had never been to this meeting. And I walked in the back door and they were all carrying big books.

And I'll never forget it, guys. Y'all heard me. I walked in the door and I went, you know, uh-oh. You know, it's like everybody's carrying big books and is like, oh, man. Of all the meetings I could have gone to, you know what I mean?

Because I really wanna talk about what a screwed up life I've got right now. I mean, I I need if if nothing else, guys, I need a big old dose of sympathy here. Getting laid would be nice too. And, it was all always an ulterior motive. And, I walk in, they're all carrying big books and they're all laughing.

And the long and short of it, guys, I got surrounded by a bunch of old guys. I say old guys, some of them were 19, 20 years old, some of them were in their twenties and thirties. But there was an old couple old geezers in there and and and, they all kind of gathered around me. They'd all see me up in North Texas for years picking up bizarre chips. Chris, welcome.

Have a seat. No, I just I'm not staying. I just stopped by to see see the buds for a minute. Chris, sit down. We'll visit after the meeting.

And after the meeting just exactly like cliff, you know They just they eyed me the whole time and they went around the room and they shared some hope with me that not a war story was given because the guy that's what kept me out of AA for years That's why I'm arguing with his voice not to go back if I have to listen to one more stupid war story and we're gonna talk about stuff this weekend, and if I have to listen to one more junior therapy session while you try to fix what's wrong with me, I'm gonna scream. I'm so sick tired. I listen to your problems I could puke and I'm embarrassed to share my own. And these guys understood that my problem was not what was going on in my life. My problem was what was going on in here, spiritually.

And they gathered around me afterwards, and the old guy asked if I wanted to stay sober for good and for all, and after some discussion I said yes. And the next morning we did a 3rd step prayer, and that afternoon I started working on the 4th step. I'm still detoxing. I've been in AA for 7 years and never worked any of the steps. Never owned a book, never read the book, never had a sponsor.

I just sat in meetings and listened to you people tell me to keep coming back. And it's and it's a cry and shame. And I hear people every time I speak from the podium, every time it's somebody wants to come up afterwards. A girl, Chris, you just didn't want it. Why are you taking AA's inventory?

You just didn't want it. Why don't you admit it? Why don't you go hang it in your butt? Because you don't know what I wanted. I'm telling you the absolute fact.

Everybody was so afraid of offending Chris Ramer. Everybody was so afraid of pushing him towards the light, afraid he would run away, that they just watered it down. And every opportunity I had to get sober, I frittered away because I'd start feeling better and then why do I need to work the steps now for heaven's sakes? I feel great. And I wouldn't work the steps the spiritual malady would not be treated and it would return and I would feel like crap again, and I would go drink again.

I'm not blaming AA. I played a part in that. Not one person in 7 years told me how to work the steps. In 1987, folks, those guys would get in my face in a heartbeat, and they didn't do it out of hate, and they didn't do it out of malice, They did it out of absolute love. Those people loved me enough to tell me the truth.

And I believe if you're sitting there candy coating the message for an alcoholic, you are wrong. If you're sitting there lying to them, you are wrong. If you're sitting there lying to them just to keep them quiet for a while, you are wrong. Folks, this fellowship, and we're gonna talk about it this weekend, is not for people that want temporary relief. This is a fellowship for men and women who have decided that they want to get on a spiritual path and change their lives forever.

We are not in the business of temporarily sobering up drunks. Our original preamble said that. If you're not ready to get sober, go drink. Have a nice life. When you get done, come back and see us.

And let's hope that there's somebody in that room that understands what the solution is. And that sounds pretty rigid, doesn't it? It'll be interesting to see in the morning how many of y'all come back because a lot of you find that offensive. If anybody had talked to me that way when I first got here, I'd have died. What I've said from a podium a 1000000 times, and I just have to throw it back out there to you before I wind this down, you know, I wonder how many alcoholics and addicts in the other fellowships have we killed by watering the message down so you wouldn't leave?

Those people didn't didn't manhandle me and treat me rough. They just they just didn't let me get by with my usual self centered crap. When they said, come help us in the kitchen, they didn't mean, if you want to and you're not doing anything else, why don't you come help us in the kitchen? That's not what they meant, And that's not what they said. They said, Come help us in the kitchen.

And then they stopped and looked until I got up off my ass and came to the kitchen. But that's what I needed. Let let me tell you this little story. The long and short of this, and we'll talk more about it this week, this weekend week. It'll seem like a week for some of you.

This weekend, 2 weeks after I came into that room and started doing the work, I had a barn burning spiritual experience. I went home one night and realized that the obsession to drink had lifted from me. And for the first time in my 20 years drinking and drugging, the desire had been lifted. And I had, the promises in the 10th step that said I would be placed in a position of neutrality around the alcohol. That was that happened to me as a result of working the steps.

I hadn't even finished them. But but it had already started working. And, and that miracle, God, I hope everybody gets a chance to experience that. I know there's some people in here that right now would love to just go out and take a drink, and that and that and I'm just I'm telling you, you will get taken to a different place if you'll follow what we're doing. Here.

How can I put this gently? I'm trying to become a more compassionate, understanding speaker. We all strive. Myers and I both strive. We lay awake at night and figure out, how can we be more like Peter?

I even got a haircut. What do you think? I just more gel. Is that it? Okay.

I got more gel. I I can do that. We have the technology. We can do this. I brought into this fellowship a lot of preconceived ideas.

I was around AA AA and in therapy for so many years that I thought I knew everything there was to know about this. And and what I had to bring into the fellowship in 19 87 when I got back to the the deal and we started talking about the program, I had to have an open mind so that I could learn some new things. And one of the things I had to do was was was stop this idea of thinking that somehow this was so tenuous that we were all gonna fall off eventually. This idea that we could actually recover from alcoholism and, and drug addiction and our other fellowships. And Myers might enjoy this story.

I was talking to some cats about it earlier. I won't unlike you, I will not embarrass you from the podium. Till tomorrow. Okay. We we had this we had this dog in in growing up in in Kerrville, Texas.

We lived in this big old house out on Goat Creek Road. Okay? Now a house is still there and we had this dog named bullet. Remember that dog my old bullet. He was a big black dog and he was a great dog We loved this dog and there's 3 we're all kids and we're loving this dog But I mean there's there's nothing trained about this dog Dad got him somehow.

I don't know how, but he showed up one day and then we got this dog and he's he's huge and he's always all over you. You know, it's the reason I don't have a dog today. You know, because he You know, you you walk inside and the dog's got his nose in your crotch, like that, you know, it's like, like, oh, man. And then he's jumping on you and, what is he trying to do? You know, and it's like, You all know this guy who's a he's a male dog.

Okay. And so it's bullet. I'll never forget it. But anyway, if if we get out of the car, and we'd be in school clothes or church coming home, and we'd have to open the gate, and then you'd you'd have to run for the door or Bullet would get you. You know?

Y'all know what I'm talking about, but Bullet got you. You knew you've been got. You know? He's a great dog. He was just loving on you, but you're with me?

I got you so far. And you'd run inside and then what you'd have to do is you'd have to take that door and you'd have to close the door in with his old house, you know, and it's get cold and hot and cold and hot, and the doors would swell and stuff. So you had to make sure the door was closed all the way. Dig? Because if the door was left cracked, he bullet would get in.

The only thing worse about getting humped with bullet outside was getting humped by bullet inside. You down with this? Oh, this tape's gonna travel too. I can tell. Mister spiritual up here talking.

Here's the problem. After a while of of accidentally leaving the door cracked and the dog getting in, we all learned our lesson. All of us. You'd walk in, you'd pull the door shut until you hear it click, and then you'd know it was shut, and you'd be safe. You dig?

7 years in and out of Alcoholics Anonymous, I'll pull the door shut, but I won't click it. It. I won't close the door all the way. I've always got my little escape hatch. I've never committed to nothing in my life.

Nothing. And that's that's why I couldn't stay sober. And that's why so many people today can't stay sober. They will not commit. And and and without offending anybody, hopefully, why should they commit?

They walk into these meetings and they listen to people share from the podium and it's like, if you want what we've gotten or willing to go to any length, they say, jeez, do I really want what these people have got? All they did was spend the last hour pissing and moaning about every problem in the world. Do I really want that? They wanna talk about how busted up they are. They wanna talk about how bad their relationships are.

They wanna talk about how they can't make any money. They wanna talk about every problem in the world. Is that really what I want? Folks, we have a responsibility. What we're gonna talk about in the morning and tomorrow afternoon is is a little piece of responsibility to carry a message of hope to the newcomer.

Because when I carry that message of hope, my life straightens out and I got the power to, to do some cool things in my life. I'm not saying, folks, that everybody in this room should be in a perfect place all the time and that your life is just gonna be great in sobriety. People leave, people die, money comes and money goes. The question is, how are you gonna get through that? Are you gonna get through it like some of us with a little grace and dignity?

Are you going to crumble like a deck of cards and just go back out and drink every time it starts to get a little shitty? And then have somebody pat you on the back when you come back in and says, Welcome back. Everything's okay. You're sober today. No, I'm sorry.

I believe there's more. I believe there's more. This program is not about not drinking one day at a time. This pro program is about getting enough power in your life to have the coolest life you ever imagined. Listen.

I'll be the first because of the position I'm in at that hospital, and seeing the devastated lives of those alcoholics and addicts that come through that hospital, and sitting in AA for 20 years watching you people hurt, I'm not gonna stand up here and make fun of that and and sound like like I'm saying we all need some power, and we need to understand that AA is a spiritual program to get us connected to that power. Some of you don't want that power because you like being victim. There's power in being a victim. There's a lot of power in being a victim. You don't have to do shit as a victim.

I was one for 20 years. I'm speaking from experience, not some self not from experience. You can milk it for all its worth. Some of you guys have got some courage that wanna look at this this week, this weekend. Let's do it.

Let's let's look at some things that we can change in our programs, come at it with an open mind, and let's start standing for something. I believe we owe it to, ourselves. I believe we owe it to JR, and the thousands of other little JR's that are out there right now, wanting to die. Y'all down with that? I love you.

Hope to see you in the morning.