Saturday afternoon at the Primary Purpose Weekend in Camp Hill, PA

You know, of all the things that a man could talk about in AA, there is nothing on God's green earth I'd rather talk about than sponsorship. Because I believe, in a major way, and the longer I'm in this, the more I believe it, that the salvation of this program is gonna be based on our ability to be effective sponsors. That said, there is nothing I can think of in AA that's been brutalized more than sponsorship. It's an amazing it's an amazing thing. Everybody has their own take on sponsorship.

It's an amazing thing to see. Everybody has a favorite sponsor. Everybody has a sponsor that that that they love. Everybody has experiences in the deal. And anytime we talk about sponsorship, people get grindy about it because they go, well, my sponsor loved me and he told me to do it this way.

God love you and him for staying and being here to do this. Somebody said one time, you know, there's no right way to sponsor, there's no wrong way to sponsor. And for a long time, I believed that. But my that's not been my experience. My experience over the last 7 or 8 years, especially, has been that there are devastating ways to sponsor, hugely ineffective ways to sponsor, Sponsorship full of fear, sponsorship full of anxiety, on both sides of the table.

It's an interesting deal. A guy comes into this deal, and he and he and he seeks recovery. And he gets downrange some, and he's not doing very well. And we wanna look at the guy the the guy that's not doing well. We wanna look at him.

Well, he's just not doing this, he's just not doing that, he's just not you know what? Sometimes, as sponsors, we have to shoulder the responsibility of why this cat's not doing very well. And it takes a huge amount of courage to do that. It takes a great deal of humility to stand there and go, I'm not being very effective with this guy, and there's gotta be a reason why. Maybe I need to flip him to somebody else.

Maybe there's some issue of origin thing that we've not discussed. Remember, there's there's all kinds of things. And so, rather than me stand up here and try to to Chris handled 90% of this eloquently and is not not a problem with, all I wanna try to do is is sort of flesh out some of his thoughts and connect a few dots based on sponsoring a bunch of men. Now, the other night I was talking to this guy, and he had an absolute rebuttal to everything I said. Everything I said, he had, well, that's not by my experience, and blah blah blah.

And finally, I just, I said, how long have you been sober? He said, 13 years. I said, okay. How many men have you sponsored? He said, 2.

Oh. Guys, I don't know how many people I've sponsored, but it's been many 100. I I I last night when we were laughing about they called me the McDonald's of sponsors. I'm telling you, I have sponsored a bunch of men, and and I don't say that from a standpoint of arrogance. I say that as a standpoint of I want you to understand that in these years, I have seen the good, the bad, and the ugly in sponsorship.

I've seen guys, I've seen processes work and I've seen processes fail. And one true thing that I've seen is that the closer I stay to what is written in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous, the healthier my guys get and the better everybody ends up in the long run. And sometimes that's hard to do. If you were raised like me in middle of the road solution, being spoon fed all kinds of bizarre ideas about recovery, it's really hard not to bring that in. It's really hard not to default back onto all those old ideas and start wanting to share my wisdom with these guys that I'm trying to help.

And so briefly, what I wanted to do is talk about what sponsorship is and what sponsorship isn't. Because if you understand what it isn't, you can be really you can be way on down the road. Some of what we're gonna talk about we're not gonna draw we're not gonna drag this thing out, but some of this stuff, may be counter to what your experience it is. It doesn't mean that your experience was wrong, and it doesn't necessarily mean that my experience is right. We understand that?

I wanna make sure, because I don't wanna step on anybody's feelings on this thing. Well, sort I do. Because remember, making you feel uncomfortable is what I do best. This is just, here's the deal. Sponsorship is not is not, is not about being a buddy.

Listen, I have guys that I sponsor today that I can't stand. They're just little arrogant shits, and I don't really like them. That's a fact. It doesn't mean that I can't love them enough, though, to get them in the book and get them going with this thing. I talked to this guy one time and he said, man, I just want somebody to hang with.

You know, I just want I'm going oh, stop. Right there. My job ain't to hang with you. We may get that way, and it may be my my deal where we may finally get to be buddies and this kind of stuff, but you asked me to sponsor you because you wanted what I had. You looked at my life in total, my job, my personal life, the how I handle with people in AA, and you said, I like that guy for what he's doing in this thing.

The the the program of Alcoholics Anonymous is manifesting itself in this man's life, in all areas of this life, and I want what he has. That's why you asked me, right? It wasn't just the coat. Right? I asked my first sponsor to sponsor me because I liked the car that he drove.

I didn't know a flipping thing about this man, but he drove a nice car. And I'm thinking, he must be a success. He must be doing this thing right. You see? Don't do that.

Don't do that. And so, which probably should bring us to our first question. How do we pick a sponsor? Why is it important for you to know that? You all got sponsors right now.

I'm assuming that. However, there will be people that will ask you that question. How do you pick a sponsor? Walk up to a man and you say, have you had a spiritual experience as a result of doing this work? And if he kinda looks at you and goes, like this.

See you. And then wouldn't wanna be you as you're walking away, man. We just we ask the question. You ask that question, and he or she goes, yeah. Yeah.

Then you've got your guy. Let's talk. See, the process of sponsorship is not about is not about ego and arrogance coming in contact like this. It's not about our intellect coming in contact. It's about a God driven decision.

God brings people in our life who are spiritually fit, who can get us to God, who can help grease the skids between point a and point b as it were. You see? The the cool part about AA is that it always seems to come through somebody else. If it didn't, why would we need sponsors? We wouldn't need them.

We'd lay in the bunk at night, and we'd read this thing, and we'd absorb it, and we'd get up in the morning, and we'd go, Oh man, I got it! But my experience was never that, and I have never yet met anybody who had that experience. Our our our awakening things generally come through other people in the fellowship, and especially a good strong sponsor that will hold us accountable and keep us on track in the areas that we need to go. If we're gonna save AA, and yes, I'm from that school that believes AA is in the toilet, And we're gonna save AA, we're gonna do it 1 man at a time. One woman at a time.

We're not going to make sweeping reform from the podium. If we could, we would. We'd be doing it. But we're not. We're not.

Where does it happen? The miracle of this whole process comes about. Let me give you a fast case in point, and this will be the easiest way to dramatically explain well, maybe not dramatically, but at least explain what it is we're talking about doing. There was a group that had, been in Dallas for a long, long time. I won't mention the name unless you ask me after the meeting, and then I'll tell you.

But they had been there for a long, long time. And, through various things, diversion from the traditions was the biggest one of them. They got sicker and sicker and sicker. And you couldn't hit a recovered person with a dead cat. You there was nobody in there you could deal with.

They were all all sick. Now, is that me being being judgmental? No. I was in the middle of it. I was in the middle of it.

I knew exactly what was going on. The group had just gotten permanently ill. And guys would get all excited about things like this, and they'd come back and it'd be 1 or 2, and they'd try to change it in group conscience, and they'd, bam, slam them down. They'd try to get in group conscience, they'd, bam, slam them down. These guys are just getting punch drunk.

They're just every time they open their mouth in a meeting, they're getting a crap slapped out of them by some goofy middle of the roader over there who happens to be louder or happens to carry a bigger stick. And it's so sad to see. And so one day I made this suggestion, I said, Let me make a suggestion. Why don't you, you and you, start another group and build your own group? And the guy says, we'll see.

And I'll say, now look, if you get 2 or 3 guys together and you start your own gig, you can do this thing, you can change this thing, I guarantee you. We're gonna do it one man at a time. This man's gonna say, I want you to sponsor me, and I'm gonna carry him through the work. I'm gonna carry him through the work quickly, because the book keeps telling me that. I'm gonna keep his butt, the blowtorch, right on his rear end to stay in the action side of the deal.

I'm gonna keep him really focused in to the spiritual side of the deal. Guys I sponsor, I only wanna know 2 things on a daily basis. How much time you spending with God, and how much time you spending in 12 step work. That's all I really wanna know. We'll talk about the other stuff.

Frankly, I really don't give a rat's rear about any of the other stuff. All I wanna know is how are you spiritually doing today, and how are you doing today in 12 Step Work? Who are you talking to? What drunk do you have in front of you every day? You see?

And as this man gets healthy, guess what? Strong sponsors beget strong sponsors, right? And that's how we do it. Then he sponsors a guy, and then he sponsors a guy. And then pretty soon, you've got all these little buckaroos around, and they're all real strong, and they're all carrying big books, and they're all coming from the literature, and they've all forgotten all about the opinion stuff.

And, buddy, it is an absolutely wonderful thing to see. To be in a meeting with a whole bunch of these little guys that have raised up from the ashes, all doing this stuff. No middle of the road crap. And I'm telling you, that's how AA will be changed. That's how my 3 daughters, 2 of whom have never taken a drink yet, but one of them may be heading this direction, that's how they will have a a a program to follow when they get here.

We are desperate to do this, guys, because most of you guys have come from those experiences of seeing so much middle of the road stuff. Amazing deal. When the other the other really nice thing about starting your own deal, is that you can set it up. Tradition 4 tells us that we can set this thing up any way we want to. So we're gonna set this thing up as a study group, let's study.

If we're gonna set it up as if whatever it is, then you set the format. You do it the way you wanna do it. I happen to like study groups. I happen to like that format because it frees us in so many different areas. The more I know about what's in the book, the more comfortable I am, and the less anxious I am about carrying the message to this man.

If I know what it's about, if I know what message I'm supposed to be carrying, see, that's the problem with a lot of sponsors. You get a sponsor and you say, would you sponsor him? And he says, okay, read the and first 164 pages and come see me in a week. I'm not knocking it. I used to do it all the time.

Guys, I'm not pointing fingers at anybody. But my concern is is that this guy may have be may have some trouble with this thing. He may not really know. We assume that everybody that's there for sponsorship knows exactly what it takes to be a sponsor. And nothing could be further from the truth.

Unless your butt is grounded in fundamental AA, you may have some real difficulty in carrying somebody through the work. So once again, what's your responsibility? Go back through the work yourself if you need to do that. If you're feeling goofy and anxious about the prospect of carrying a message, go back through the work. There was nothing in the there's nothing no cosmic rule that says because I worked this 10 years ago, I have to maintain my arrogance and ignore going back through that work.

That's how we get sick. That's how we get these these these bleeding beacons standing back in the back of the room taking cheap shots at every young kid that comes in that's on fire about the work. That's how this happens. You see? I don't care if you've been sober 30 years, if you're feeling ambivalent about your recovery, if you're feeling ambivalent about the message that you're carrying, go back through the work.

I don't care if you've had a sponsor for 30 years and you love him to death. If he's not doing what he's supposed to be doing, have him as a friend. But you go find you another sponsor who's had that psychic change that can carry you through that work. There's nothing personal here. It's only your life that's at stake here.

And, oh, while I'm mentioning it, the life of a 1000 men who you will have the the ability to affect over the years. Some of you young cats, I I just Glenn and some of these guys, it's an amazing thing. I had a conversation with Glenn one time. I'll throw him under the bus. I hadn't done it yet.

I had a conversation study group, and he says, I just don't know if if if we're gonna be effective. I just don't know what we're doing. Now, fast forward 2 years down the road, and I'm looking back at this room and I'm going, Glenn, you knucklehead, look at how many people you're affecting because you're willing to stay the course and do the deal. Fast forward 10 years and see how many men and women you will have affected because you were willing to take the heat and and submit to the process. It's real simple.

You see? In the middle of it, we seldom see it, but one man at a time. One man at a time. So let's say I sponsored a 150 or 200 men, and then who they sponsored, and then who they sponsored. You go out 3 or 4 generations of those strong, book oriented sponsors and see what a difference they're making, and we're talking 1,000, thousands of people affected because I was I was willing to submit to a program because Cliff Bishop was willing to stand the heat and make me do what my arrogant little ass didn't wanna do.

Dig? And that's how this stuff works. One more thing I wanna talk about is this thing about multiple of sponsoring multiple men, and we always get in a conversation about it. And I had a guy last week that wanted to crucify me because I had talked about sponsoring more than a couple of guys. I've heard this until I am I wanna weep when I hear this.

People saying, you simply cannot sponsor more than 1 or 2 men. Tell that to the 42 men I sponsored at one time. I I don't sponsor that many men today. I've got other things I need to be doing too. I've got it, but it but at certain times in my life, I've had that kind of time.

And yes, it does take time. But let me explain something real quick. You see this little this little crude drawing over there? That's not something phallic I do over there. That's that's like a little well, maybe it is.

No. It's like a little funnel. It's like raising kids. This is a perfect analogy of this stuff. It's like raising kids.

When you got little bitty buckaroos, and they're little bitty toddlers, and they're over banging into things and this kind of stuff, where are you? You're right on top of them all the time. You don't move from them because they can't be trusted to be by themselves. They're running into things. They're making bad decisions on top of bad decisions.

They're always hurt. They're always busted up. Guess what? As they get older, they're learning, and you have to be on top of them less and less and less. By the time they get to high school, god willing, you can just watch them.

By the time they get 17 or 18, guys, they better be healthy enough to stand on their own 2 feet and face life. That was your job as a parent was to see that they do that. You see? And it's exactly the same way with sponsorship. Could I sponsor 20 men at one time if they all started at the same time?

Nope. I'd be an idiot to even try it. I would. But could you sponsor 20 Men at the same time if you started 1 a week? Sure.

Easy. Real easy. Because in the beginning, work is intensive. You're getting them into the thing, you're getting them all plugged in, you're making sure they do the reading that they're supposed to do, you're making sure that they're making the commitments they say they're gonna make. You're making sure that they understand what AA is and what it isn't.

You're making sure that they understand what an open meeting is and a closed meeting and blah blah blah blah. You just got all these details that you're supposed to do. And once they know it, then you can gradually let go of them. And then they stand on their own little AA feet, and they get out there and they kick butt. And it's the coolest thing in the world.

And it doesn't take long, guys. 2, 3 weeks, 4 weeks, I guarantee you, they'll be standing on their own and they're gonna be sober members of this fellowship knowing full well what their responsibilities are because you've taught them that. They know where they're supposed to be. And then you got another guy standing in line, and then another guy standing in line, and there you go. And it just keeps going.

And it'll go until the day I draw my last breath. I'll have a constant stream of these guys coming in. And that's the finest, coolest thing I've ever experienced in my whole life. You see? Somebody told me one time, he said, You know what, I'm I I get bored around AA.

I just I'm just so bored with the whole thing. How many guys are you sponsoring? Oh, none? Well, get you a bunch of guys to sponsor. Be effective as a sponsor and watch the boredom drift to one side.

How can you be how can you be bored when you have miracles, 20 of them, right in front of you growing daily? They grow like weeds. They just go nuts. You got these guys that can't put sentences together that are just goofy little little bastards right there in front of you. You know?

And then you and then fast forward down there 3 or 4 weeks. They've worked the work. God is alive in their life, and they're they're they're enriched and empowered by this whole program. And you watch them talk from the podium, and you watch them share something? Let me tell you something.

You wonder about the miracle of Alcoholics Anonymous. Here's what I want you to do is, go sponsor a guy and then walk in on him by accident or intentionally when he's working with somebody else. And I promise you the first time it happens, you'll weep like a baby because everything you've You've now become a sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous, and you are shouldering your responsibility in sponsorship. And this cat that you carry through the work is now sitting there, carrying the message to another little sicko, and by God, he's gonna get well. And I'm telling you, it's the most powerful thing that you've ever experienced in your whole life.

To see lives change on a cellular level. And you'll go to a birthday, and you'll be sitting there, and they'll be just wives will be hugging their husbands, little kids will be running up and hugging them and all this stuff, and you're going, god. How is that possible? How could that wreck of a man that was so unlovable 4 weeks ago be here in this room enriched by this deal tonight? How could his family love him so much, and his kids love him so much?

How could he be such a vibrant member of our community and our group in 4 weeks? Don't miss this, guys. Please. I'm begging you. If there's areas of your life that are goofy, you go find you a drunk to work with, and I guarantee you your life will get better.

And you will see a resurgence and a revival that you've never ever dreamed of. I see it every day. I answer dozens of emails every morning from guys just like you, who have started big book study groups all over this country, who have been there and then witnessed it. If it was left up to me, if this had been only my experience, I would not have the guts or the courage to stand here and say, do this work. But my experience in working with 100 and 100 of men who have done this, and I've seen how their lives changed, is concrete evidence that the program that was carried to us 60 some odd years ago is still rich and viable today.

There is no need for new AA, There is no need for anything else. There's just a need for a submission to a program that was guaranteed to save our lives. When you get up in the morning and you know that life is good, and you're sitting there on the edge of your bunk, and you're feeling absolutely special to be alive. And you sense that somehow you're making a difference in the lives of the men and women that have been put in your life. You'll know why it's there.

You'll know what it's all about. And the moment you make that connection, you'll understand what recovery is all about. That's what we're after, this connection. You'll never feel lonely again and you'll never ever be able to be faced with something that you simply cannot deal with. And so instead of making life this big, huge struggle that we're just manhandling with every day, you just step back and let life kinda come at you, and you'll handle it as it comes.

What a cool way to live your life. I love every one of you guys. Thanks.