The 30th Kansas Al-Anon/Alateen Conference in Wichita, KS

Thank you, everyone. Indeed, it was a joy to be brought out here. Between Betty and Pat, who also shared with us, it's it's kinda like Home Week. And I too am a very grateful member of Worldwide Al Anon, and also a very nervous member of Worldwide Al Anon at this point, because I'm surrounded with so much good recovery and so much good service. I've met so many past delegates and so many people who are so active, and an absolutely marvelous bunch of Ellen Elantine, members who I find very impressive.

I've never encountered such a polite group of young people, in Illinois, and, I really applaud that. I can't believe I'm in Kansas. You know, you you get an opportunity when you get invited to these things to reflect on where you've been, how you got there, and what in heaven's name you're still doing hanging around here. Because like so many other people, people, people recognized alcoholism in, in me faster than they did in in the, husband that I have. And I guess there was all kind of reasons for that.

I was introduced down on by a neighbor whose husband had been a, rather a legend in AA at that time, And she recognized not in my husband's behavior, but in mine. If you had the misfortune at that time of asking me how I was, I would have to check to see how the other person was and if they were okay, I was fine. That's fine. Fine. Fine.

You know, little Mary sunshine. If he was not so good, then I would tell you about my hair falling out and itch that I had and the worry I had about the price of wheat in China, which had nothing to do with reality or my reality. And the fact was, I really didn't know how I was because in some kind of a progressive slow way, I had become totally obsessed with another person's drinking. And I think the saddest part of alcoholism is the fact that it's so easy to see what it's doing to the other person and so impossible to see what it's doing to you. So that certainly was my case.

So this neighbor, acquaintance, very gently, very kindly, suggested to me that there was something I might be interested in. And though she herself was not an active member, she had a friend, and I think for the good of the neighborhood, she was suggesting that I might consider going to this place. And she said, she thought that, these folks she knew would be happy to take me. So I interrogated her, where it was, how far away from home, and so on, and I took the woman's phone number, and I eventually called the number, and when the woman answered the phone, I hung up, but I kept the number. And about 2 years later, I called the number again, and I thought, oh my heaven, she's gonna know that was me who hung up on her 2 years ago.

But anyway, with great hesitation, I agreed to go because it was far enough away from home. I thought, well, maybe I could book in there and find out how to get this other person not to stop drinking. What I wanted was I wanted the other person to become obedient to drinking, and I would be happy to teach them how, and they could drink like I do, modestly, moderately, so that we'd not wouldn't get in trouble with this stuff. So when I find out how far away it was from home, it was about 30 miles from home, I thought, okay. But it was very difficult for me because it seemed to me that it went against everything I believed about marriage, putting your business on the street, labeling another person, and beside, it was in a particular church that I had some difficult with.

I grew up in a in an Irish Catholic home. And I guess out here in Kansas, you may not be aware of the fact, but the Irish, both parents were immigrants. They have a few prejudices. There are certain churches you didn't go into. There were certain people you don't like, there were certain people who were never gonna get in heaven, there was all sorts of things that my dear father would constantly tell us about whenever he was drinking.

He was talking about somebody by the name of Henry the 8th. I had no idea who that guy was. I thought he was a relative because he was discussed so often in our home. And this happened to be the church where this meeting was, and I thought, oh, man. I, you know, I gotta be careful here.

The other thing too, I had gone to a lot of trouble to avoid repeating the kind of home that I was brought up in. Because as a kid, I didn't reason that that we lived funny because of the drinking. I lived in a mill ton. Everybody drank. It was a shot in a beer ton.

If you didn't drink, you were kinda suspect. I reasoned that that we lived funny because we were Irish, and I made a commitment to myself that I wasn't gonna repeat the kind of home, that I was growing up in. Therefore, I would never marry an Irishman, so I would not, and I find myself a very nice Polish gentleman whose last name ended with a ski. I went into his house, and I discovered that they they never entertained the neighbors. They never had police at the door.

They put clothes in brewer drawers. We didn't have time for that nonsense. We were busy with this Henry the eighth and all the other things that we had to be discussing in in our home. And, anyway, this meeting was in that kind of church, and I thought, oh, man. You know, well, well, maybe I could just book in there carefully.

Who'd be the the wiser? I'll find out how to get this under control before it gets out of control. And, no one will know. So off I went, and the dear God that I believe in had a has a marvelous way of teaching me humility right from the get go. It was a great big AA meeting that he had to go through to get to the Al Anon room, which was up on the 3rd or 4th floor.

We always got glorious rooms. Anyway, he had greeters at the door. And the gentleman who happened to be the greeter that evening for the AA meeting was a neighbor. He lived 2 blocks away. He was the, main usher in our church, and he was also my son's Boy Scout leader.

So I immediately said to him, it's not me. I don't know why I'm here. Wilma told me to come, and I'm not the alcoholic, and I don't even drink, and I don't know whether he is or not. And I was running off in map, you know, Dan never spoke. He just stepped back and he pointed to a pair of steps.

Never said a word, didn't inquire as to why I was there. And the entire time I walked across the long floor, I was still talking and explaining why I was there. And up, I went to this this room, horrified that I had run into an acquaintance. And anyway, in the room, and I hear so many people say when they come down on, gee, I walked in that room and I knew I was home. I just felt so wonderful.

Boy, not me. There was there's old women there, They had white hair. I thought, oh, my God. They were old, and they were talking about serenity. Serenity.

I was thinking about sex, they're talking about serenity. I thought, that's great for them. They're old. You know, they're And they were heavy and they were they sat like this. They were big, you know, and oh, dear.

They were, you know, as I later realized, they were the good early wives of of the AA members who were, you know, not quite attuned to what L9 was. On the other side of the room, there was a little nucleus of of members who were who were just beginning to know what L9 was and were trying to get it going. Then they had all kind of funny things hanging around signs, easy does it, let go and let God. And they were busy talking about God. And I thought, gee, you know, they they're old and they're just learning about God now.

I mean, I learned about that in the 2nd grade and, you know, what have I gotten into? My father was right. This is terrible. And I thought, what a bunch of pious people this has turned out to be. Then worse than that, they were talking about something about insanity.

And I'm sitting here thinking, man, first you have to declare that you're nuts, then you have to do something with some kind of steps and all this other stuff, Then you're sober. I mean, then you're sane. Then you have to get a sponsor and be telling them all your business. I thought, oh, man. You know, what what have I gotten myself into?

But I sensed something. And unbeknown to me, that group was in the midst of a great, stress or or conflict or whatever, because there were those 2 groups. When the, when the one side of the room, this side would hear the AA people downstairs clapping and indicating the meeting was over. They would jump to their feet and they would say, we've gotta get down here and make the hot dogs for the men. And the other side of the room said, if you wanna get down and make the hot dogs, you'll go ahead down and make the hot dogs.

We're gonna sit here and fellowship. And, you know, when I'm sitting there, you know, oblivious to all of this, just wondering when are they gonna get around to telling me how you get somebody to be drink obediently. So and I would, you know, I would smile nicely and be very polite, and as they'd be, sharing about some of the things they were living with, I would think. Man, they're so strange, no wonder their husbands drink, I would think, or they're sitting around talking about all this, you know, this nonsense. But something, you know, something, you know, compelled me to go back a few times.

And again, I can see, you know, looking back, I can see that already the high my higher power was already taken care of me. That meeting only lasted a few short weeks after that and moved on to another location because there became such a tension between the two groups that when people would arrive to come to the Al Anon meeting, the side who was threatened by, you know, this new way of thinking would stand at the bottom of those steps and tell people, don't go up there because those women will ruin your marriage. That was kind of their, you know, where they were at at that time. So they moved on and that meeting is still in existence. But something compelled me to keep going back.

I didn't know what it was, and I certainly had no intention of making a vocation, you know, out of this business. I thought I just have to just have to hang around long enough until they start telling me. And they were very patronizing. That was another thing that annoyed me. It would kinda pat you on the head when you'd throw out some problem that you wanted them to solve.

Why don't you just keep coming back? You know, why don't you just take that piece of literature over there? Why don't you just, you know, bring some cookies next week? And I'm thinking, cookies? You know?

Don't you I don't have time for this nonsense. Then they would say things like, well, do you have a car? Yeah. Well, why don't you pick us up at such and such a spot? We're gonna go over to Saint Francis Hospital.

And I thought, that's the mental hospital. What are you gonna be going there for? We're gonna be talking to some people, and I thought, oh, they are crazy. They're going to be talking to the mental oh, lord. But you know, a funny thing started happening to me.

The thing that I was looking for in the other person was starting to become part of me. I was starting to becoming to become obedient to something I didn't understand, I didn't believe in, it made no sense to me, but I couldn't say no because I was sensing something. And I guess what I, you know, looking back, as a matter of fact, I only know about myself in retrospect. Looking back, they could see about me what I could not see about myself. And again, I see the mercy of God in that.

Because if I could have seen how really distorted and fractured I had become as a result of alcoholism, I don't know that I could have tolerated it. I I might have committed suicide or jumped over the bridge or done something, but they could see about me what I couldn't see about myself. And they knew that if I was willing and if they could keep me coming, and help me to believe that my life could change, they knew that that I could become something other than what I was. Now, just to give you, a hint about what they were seeing about me, you you know, in our opening it says, our thinking becomes confused, our perspective distorted, we become nervous and irritable. They could see all that in me, and I couldn't see it about myself.

And they would suggest things like, well, you know, you need to do this because you'll feel better. That was their big, you know, claim to fame. They were talking about things like your happiness doesn't depend on somebody else's sobriety. And I thought, well, that's the craziest thing I've ever heard. How could you possibly not yeah, or how could you possibly be happy if somebody else is is progressing in in a in a drinking problem and so on.

And when they talk about, you know, you need to learn about your own pattern of behavior, none of that made sense to me, but I was trusting something that I was hearing. When they talked about that insanity, that really scared me. That really, really frightened me. But just to give you an example and and to to tell you how much I was in and unable to see it myself, My main activity in life at that point in time and before Al Anon actually was watching my husband's hair grow. Now I don't mention that everywhere I go.

You know, when I flew out here on the plane, I didn't tell my seat mate. We were in a big conversation, and I never told him that at one point in my life, that was my main activity. My Al Anon people eventually understood it. And I'll tell you why. If anybody, you know, is still thinking of picking themselves up an alcoholic to share life with, a word of advice I would have to you, don't pick one that only drinks on working days only and then on the weekends is like Saint Francis of Assisi making pancakes for the kids and doing all that good guy stuff.

Give yourself one that drinks every day. Don't be wasting your time and life with somebody who just drinks certain times. Something was happening to me and it and it was a again, a progressive kind of thing. I knew intuitively that whatever kept my husband out, he loved more than he loved me, and more than he loved those children of ours. And I didn't know what it was.

I really and truly didn't know what it was. You know, I just couldn't understand it. And for some reason, when he would and he was he was a a person who he wasn't a stay away drunk, but he could announce that he was going for a haircut and it could take anywhere like any good practicing alcoholic, anywhere from 2 hours to 2 months and come back without the haircut, without staying away now. But what would happen, he would announce that he's going for a haircut and that that thing inside of me that would grow, like, what is it that keeps him out there? What am I lacking?

What's wrong with me? Which is the, you know, the way alcoholism seems to affect us, who are the, friends and relatives of of someone with the disease. And that kept growing. So it got to the point where I would become absolutely emotionally paralyzed. I could do absolutely nothing from the time he would announce the departure for the haircut and the time he would come back.

I would meet him at the door when he would come and there would be no haircut. And I would say, well, what happened? What where were you? I went to get a haircut, but your hair is not cut. Oh, wait till I tell you.

There was a blind man. I had to assist him across the street. Somebody's dog got hit with a car. Somebody's mother fell down steps. There was always some explanation.

Well, that I would become so paralyzed I could do nothing, you know, waiting. And I would be standing at the window, just unable to do anything to till I would, you know, trying to figure out what is it? What in the world is missing here? Why am I not bringing the consolation and the, relationship to the to the marriage that I that I expected I would be doing and so on. I was personalizing this.

Well, that got so wacky that, you know, how they tell us that 5 or 6 people can become, twisted and sick as a result of one person's drinking. I had 2 therapies going for myself at that time. One, I had a good friend who I would call every day, and it's many times in the course of a day, and tell her tell her what was going on, and she and I together would be trying to figure it out. Today, I would call and say, you know what? I'm leaving.

She would say, absolutely. That's what you should do. And don't forget to take this and then she would name the items I should take. Next day, I would call and say, I'm pregnant. That's it.

You need he needs responsibility. I agree that's what you should be doing. Well, I you know, I got her as nuts and she wasn't living with any kind of alcoholism. But I got her as crazy as I was because I got her watching the hair with me. I would call her on the phone and I would say to her, I would whisper.

I couldn't even speak out loud for fear someone would hear. And now here I am in a big eight room house with my kids and my dog. She's in her house with her kids and her dog, and I'm whispering on the phone. Guess what? She would whisper back.

And I would say, his hair is growing, and she would say, oh no, and both of us would be off. Now, you know, when I came into Al Anon, I didn't know that that was sick. I didn't know that that was not normal and not it didn't, you know, it didn't even occur to me that there was something strange about that. I didn't even think about it or or I'd or recognize it for for a long time that, when I was in Al Anon. But I kept going and I kept, as I said before, becoming obedient to whatever the people were saying to me if they were saying.

They never mentioned the word service. They they just didn't say that. Someone said this morning, you know, we shouldn't even use that word work because we're also worked to death. And if you are thinking the way I was thinking, that's a lot of work. So thankfully, nobody used the word service.

They would just tell you things like bring the car, bring the cakes, go here, read that literature, and I would, you know, do whatever they were saying and that that I should be doing without knowing that what I was doing was some form of a service one way or another. And and I just, you know, kept obeying whatever the people were telling me to do. One of the other things they suggested at that time, was if you wanna know the futility of thought that anything that you can do or have done or or will or will ever do cause somebody else to have the disease of alcoholism, or if the folly of thought that that maybe anything you're gonna do is going to control or cure somebody of the disease of alcoholism, get to some open AA meetings and listen to someone who's experienced the disease, and you will learn the futility of thinking that you have the power to do that or to remove the obsession of somebody else's drinking. So I would obediently do what they said, and I went to a an open AA meeting. And I have to tell you, the first time I went, I was furious, absolutely furious.

There was a guy up there who had either lost a train or broke a train. He did something terrible with a train and he's roaring laughing and so were the people. Well, I was furious. I thought, here's the man that's that wasted 40 years of his life drinking and messed up everyone else's life. Now he's gonna spend the other half of his life laughing about it.

So I marched back to Al Anon furious and said to the people, how dare you send me there? How dare you tell me that there was something there that would be of benefit? And they've kind of patronized you, you know, and they pat you on the head, and they said, just keep going. Just, you know, just the way you see that and what you hear and the way you feel about that, that's gonna change. And that was their mantra.

That was what they always said. No matter what they were suggesting you to do or advising you to do, they would their their line was and continues to be to this day. That'll change The way you think, the way you feel, and the way you behave will change. So, you know, somehow I trusted them, and I I kept going back, to those open AA meetings when when I had the opportunity. And eventually, what I heard, from the recovering alcoholics that I was experiencing was that if alcohol wasn't running their life, if if alcohol wasn't in control of their life and running their life, they would beg us to save ourselves.

And that was the message that I started to hear. And that was the time or a message that almost completely changed everything that I viewed about Al Anon. I think it was at that point that I really knew this indeed is a recovery of a program for my recovery. If somebody else gets sober as a result of it, that's a second reward. But but fundamentally, the Al Anon program is a program that will assist me in recovering and being able to live a useful and a normal life.

And it was that point where where some kind of a change without even knowing. And the whole idea then of doing the things that the people were saying to do, that I would now identify a service, started to make some kind of a some kind of sense. And it it and if lots of funny things happen to you, you're doing those things, and I as I look back and see it today, we were, you know, we were most anxious at that time to get El Nang well known in the city because it was just really coming alive. So most of our action was in, public information or trying to get, you know, the message out of who we were and where we were and what we were. And, you know, when I think about it, and even even the things you do on a group level, then some of the the most unbelievable part of this whole fellowship, both sides, you don't even have to get well, and other people get well as a result of the things you do.

You know, you don't have to get well, totally well, for other people to recover because just the obedience to the unenforceable thing that we do, other people often, including ourself, we all get better as a result of it. You know, maybe I think I was in l nine about 10 years. That one of the things that came to my mind is I was thinking about this today. I must have been in about 10 years, and, my husband is Polish, as I sort of mentioned before, and I was always trying to make him happy, you know. Always trying to make him happy.

If I do this, he'll be happy. I thought that was my my commitment to life. You make everybody happy. So I used to go to a beauty shop in some woman's home and, there was a lot of, Polish people there. And one woman in particular used to make Easter bread, very expensive and very nice, wonderful Easter bread.

And I thought, gee, I'm gonna get that. He likes that. I will order it. It was expensive. It was about $20, which was a lot of money.

And anyhow, that will make him happy, so I get the Easter bread and I come home with it, around Easter time, and I think he's gonna be so thrilled. So he said to me, where did you get that? And I said, I bought it at the beauty shop. You bought brand in the beauty shop. There'll be hair in it, and there'll be perfume on it, and it went into a fit.

Well, 10 years in Elnan, I went into the living room in such a rage, I tore the bread in a 1000000 pieces and stomped on it for spite. And then I went out that night to speak at a workshop, on the first step, and told everybody to come to these meetings so you could become, well, like me. But you know a funny thing, in spite of all that, people kept getting well and they would ask you to come to meetings and spank, and you were still not too not too swift. I think I I reacted to the drinking early on, and I recognize, you know, today and recognize over the years that most of the reason that I was reacting the way so early on, long before the drinking became a very serious problem, and I'm sure it was because of the background, you know, that the effect of what I grew up with, which was really, very, very, devastating. You know, I'm sure that I was reacting early on.

So for I was in Al Anon a long time before alcohol proved to my husband that he had trouble with alcohol. All the things I had done and continued to try to do weren't proving anything. All that all that, was happening was I was making myself more twisted and also injuring my children in a million different kind of ways. So eventually, when I learned that virtue of detachment in the in the truest sense of the word, only then did alcohol prove to him, that that he needed to do something about his drinking, which he did at some point. But, anyway, I kept doing those things and and, you know, as I said before, I had no intention of making a vocation out of this, but I kept being there.

And strange things happen to you after you're in for a, you know, a certain period of time. They ask you to do the darnest things like come to Kansas and and tell the rest of the world how crazy do you think that you should be going across states to come and tell people that you were nuts at one point in your life? I mean, here I am 90% of my life, I'm trying to pass myself off as a normal human being who does normal things like vote on election day and, you know, take up causes and do all kind of other things. And then I, you know, come and and and wanna share with you how how strange. But this Al Anon thing, you know, it's it's an to this God of mine in a new way.

I always was trying to change God's mind. I thought that's what prayer was, that I would I would tell him, I told him every day what the problem was and what the solution was, and I gave him a timetable like, by tonight, couldn't you stop him from, you know, not only just that, but then the kids they, you know, they grow up and they do stuff and they just, you know, they they don't always turn out. I had this vision that I'll come to this Al Anon, and I'll do this stuff, and then all this family's gonna be all wonderful. He's gonna be in AA. The kids are gonna be in Alatin, and we'll be going across the country, maybe writing books, maybe be on television.

Who knows? Maybe Folgers coffee might even call us for one of those Christmas ads, you know? Kid comes home for the holidays kind of thing. Those kids, you know, they it didn't turn out like that. None of that stuff kinda turned out that way.

So, you know, you just keep wondering, what is this all about? But in the meantime, as you're tracking along, the years are tumbling in and you keep on doing the stuff people wanna want you to do. And the next thing you know, they're telling you to to do interesting things, like become the GR and go to an assembly. What's that? You know, you go up to Harrisburg to the other part of the state, and a group of people come together and they're fighting about something something about rules of procedure, you know?

And then they sit down and eat together, big bowls of potato salad. That was so different in our house when you fought you through the food, I mean you didn't mess. It was just strange. And pretty soon they're asking you to be district representative, and you're asking The next thing you know they're telling you to be delegate, and you're going to represent the state. And I'm thinking, oh my god.

What if they find out that at one point in our in our in our in our marriage, my husband was a truck driver. He drove a trailer truck. And, at one point, we kept having all these babies. He's cutting a piece out of the paper about buying a trailer truck, and he's cutting it out. And I said, and what are you what are you doing with that?

He said, I'm gonna buy a trailer truck to win my own business. I said, but we don't have any money. We can't pay the paper, boy. What are you buying in the trailer? Not worry about that.

And he cuts it out and puts it in his wallet, you know. And, because between pediatricians and obstiatricians and all the other stuff that was going on, I thought this is crazy. The man who I declared was sick went to bed to get a good rest for the next day's work. I stayed up all night worrying about where we would park that truck. And when I figured out where the truck would go, I realized it would be on the neighbor's yard partly.

So the rest of the night, I spent arranging what I would say to that woman if she said one word to me about that truck. I would tell her about her kids being in my yard and the dog and the whole the next morning, the man gets up perfectly rested to go to work. I wake up like a shrew, you know. I go out in the yard. The woman next door has no idea that we were up all night fighting, you know.

And and honest to God, I didn't recognize that to be abnormal. It's like stuff that's going on, you don't even know it. Then you come into this crazy online place and they're telling you to be the representative of the state of Pennsylvania. What if they find out at that World Service office that they've got a lunatic on their hand? So you go there and you pretend you know what you're doing, and, you meet other crazy people.

And you're sitting around making major decisions. You know, and here's a woman who at 50 years old decides to be an airline pilot, and I'm still looking at her thinking, oh my God, you don't look like someone that would do that. You know, it's it's just remarkable. And then they're even crazier at world service. They they put me, me, who didn't even know how to get across the street practically to be on the international committee.

And pretty soon, I'm in Germany with the the IAGSM, and I'm like, oh my god. How could this happen? All I wanted to do was go to Elmer and find out how to get someone to be obedient to drink right. And I'm in Germany talking to 27 different nations of people who who who fallen in love with Al Anon. Well, that mean, I I just don't understand it.

And then they keep you up with that WSO and the next thing you know, they put you on a policy committee and make me the chairman, the chairman of the policy committee. Don't tell them anything about the haircut. Don't put that on the tape. Stop the tape. Don't tell them anything about the truck.

Maybe they'll never find out. We'll just you know what? We fake it till we make it all the way up and down the line. And I share that with you because I know there's a lot of people here that are, fairly new to Al Anon. Whatever you do, don't stop coming.

A lot of people in my experience came to Al Anon, but they didn't stay. They didn't hang around for the miracles. I'm telling you, I know that, the last thing in the world I expected to see when I went into that bad church. Okay? And especially when I went to AA, the last thing I ever expected to see were miracles.

You know, I expected to see a lot of strange people, but not miracles. And I've never stopped seeing anything but miracles in all these years. All those kids grew up working on programs of their own. They do strange things. I I'm pretty sure I told them whenever growing up, I become a mother-in-law first and then a grandmother.

But they that message got distorted some way. I don't know. I think someone else told them other bad stuff. It wasn't what they learned at home. But, you know, different little things happen.

We're caught in all the things of of today's society. The toughest part of recovery for me has been recognizing and acknowledging the damage that I did to my own children. When I think about that haircut business, I can remember one incident with my oldest little boy. I was standing at the window as I said to you, paralyzed, unable to do anything, wringing my hands and crying, and my son came in and he said to me, mommy, what's wrong with you? Why are you crying?

Get away from me. Don't you see how busy I am? You know, I'm waiting for your dad to come home from his haircut. He tipped those up, looks out the window, and he said, he hasn't left yet. He hadn't gotten into the car, and already it would started.

But when I think of the, you know, all the part of me that belonged to them, and all the part of me that belonged to my community, and my church, and society, all was being sucked into alcohol, and I didn't even know it. But the toughest thing in recovery was acknowledging and recognizing the hurt and the damage that I did to those kids without wanting to. The consolation I have and what I learned here in in Al Anon was it is not my job to repair any of those mistakes in judgment. I don't have that power. I do not have the power to do that.

But the God I believe in certainly does. And the first first three steps tell me over and over, that he can, I can't, and why don't I let him? And with that, I, you know, that, relieves me of feeling that that self serving, self centered guilt that you're so easy to or I'm so easy to, to take upon myself. It's my job to amend, which means to change. And amend to me simply means to change.

I certainly don't do the same things, with them or with their children that I was doing. The preoccupation that I had is not present there and the obsession of the other person's behavior. Because during their their formative years, the very first thought that would be on my mind in the morning would be, why did he drink last night? What did I do wrong? What's just happening here?

What's the outside interest? And my you know, I'd be going through, like a robot, through the functions of taking care of those children, but my mind racing around. My head and my feet were never in the same place at the same time, which, you know, cheated them out of so much. But I'm comforting in knowing that the higher power, the God that I believe in, that brought me into the program in his own way, in his own time, helped me to judge my parents and all their mistakes of judgment that they made, and they certainly made many. I was able to judge them fairly and to put that at peace and not to be, you know, angry and bitter about that.

And I'm convinced that that same God has that same love for the children that I, you know, put through that same kind of situation. And that's that that gives me a great sense of of, certainty that I can count on that because I've known that I've already experienced that. I don't know what else to tell you except keep on coming. I'm so thrilled to be here. I've had a time and met so many wonderful people and re reunited with so many other people that I haven't seen, and just keep on coming, and let's go dance.

Thank you so much. Thank you.