The 51st Greeley Stampede in Greeley, CO

Good morning, everybody. My name is Fernando, and I'm a grateful Al Anon. Hi, Fernando. I said I'm a grateful Al Anon not because I have received gift throughout my recovery. I said, I'm grateful Al Anon because today I realized that throughout my life I have received gifts, but for the longest time I thought that these gifts were off and from my own doing, and today I know they're not.

And for that, I have to give credit to where credit is due, and for that I'm forever grateful. And I like to thank the committee for welcoming out here and a personal thanks to David and you have really touched me. It's always about an obsession of an alcoholic that seemingly lasts 3 times as long because you be with them for 8 hours and then you obsessed with them about them for 16 hours. And when I walked in the program, I had this kind of vision in me. It's what, you know, if you have a TV, it's called PIP.

You have the alcoholic with the big problem on the big screen, and the same alcoholic with the little problem on the little screen. And and anytime with a push of a button, the little problem can erupt into the big problem, and that's how I was. But I'm getting much better because today I'm sponsoring people that are like security, got banks, you know, they have 4 cameras. Alcoholic on the inside, alcoholic on the outside, and alcoholic everywhere. But it's really I gotta let you know about my journey.

It happened on May 9, 1993, and May 9, 1993 happens to be Mother's Day. It was a Sunday. I was in a park, a public park in the city of Santa Rosa, which is about an hour north of San Francisco. The sun was shining and the people were happy in this park. There were dogs running around, and the music from the guitars were in this park, but I was crying.

I was crying because the alcoholic that I was would have gone back to drinking, and I felt that my world was crumbling. And I know I need a divine intervention in my life, but I couldn't get to my God because my God was so far away. It wasn't be not because that I didn't know about God. I was raised by the Jesuits. Jesuits are the people that have God everywhere.

They're God on the wall, God on the roof, and sometimes they wear as a belt buckle. The only way I can explain it is that the most powerful man in the world today is George w Bush, and I have never called Bush, and my car doesn't run. I've never called Bush, and I couldn't pay the rent. And I definitely couldn't get to this God because I do not have a relationship with this God. But I have a pretty good substitute because a few days earlier, I saw a classified ad.

For $15, there was this psychic that was gonna give me all of my answers to my problem. So I went to see the psychic, and she did one wonderful thing for me. She gave me back $10 of my money because she told me I don't need it. She told me to go back to Southern California where I kinda was from, and by that time, I have become a one topic person. And a one topic person is a person that joins your group for conversation and pretend to be interested in whatever you were talking about.

And pretty soon steer the conversation to my favorite topic, her. How she have done me wrong and how she have done me wrong and how she have done me wrong. And when your friends have heard that about a couple of 100 times, they start dropping like flies. They start running away. And I knew there was this one guy in Santa Ana, California.

They haven't heard this yet. And he owes me about 45 minutes of it at least. So I took all the money, and I do need that $10. And I bought a ticket on a Greyhound bus, and for 18 hours on this bus, I was just crying. And when I arrived in Santa Ana 7 o'clock on May 11, 1993, I didn't have a job.

I didn't have a place to stay. I didn't have any money, and I didn't even have a girlfriend. Within an hour, I met up with this person. I have a job. I have some money.

I have a place to stay, and more important than anything else, I had a meeting to go to that evening. I know this person for over 5 years, and I did not know that even today his girlfriend is still a member of this fellowship, the Al Anon family group. And that evening around 8 o'clock, I walk into this church, the LDS Church in the seat of Orange, which is a candlelight meeting, which today I call my home group. And I sat in that room, and I listened to the readings, and I heard the sharings, and I felt at home. I felt at home because these people in that room have lived with the disease of alcoholism, and I have lived with the disease of alcoholism up close and personal.

There's so much pain in these rooms. We are the only fellowship that have boxes of tissues everywhere. Here I was walking in the room, and I have 60 days without a girlfriend. And the welcome says, for we are lonely and frustrated. No kidding.

And then when they read the steps, it caught my attention because it says that our wives have become unmanageable. But really, it's about the pain. I don't understand why there's so much pain, but today, I accept this pain. I embrace my pain because my pain had become my instructions to change. And the way I can kinda explain it is that pain to me is like rice.

It's raw. It's gritty. It's grainy. It's not for much use except for weddings and feeding chickens. But through the process and the power of this program, this raw rice have been turned into steam rice.

It's white. It's fluffy. It's soft, and it's nourishment for the show, and I can share. And if you have ever been to an open AA meeting, Al Anon steamed rice AA combo, fry rice. And I was kinda intelligent.

I knew where the pain was coming from. The pain come from loving her, and I can't stop loving her. I'm doomed. I can't stop the pain. And the advice that I heard from people not in program was to forget about her and get yourself a new girlfriend.

And I knew that wasn't right because what you were asking me about a person that I have an absolute obsession about and you're asking me to develop instant amnesia, I knew that wasn't the answer. But if she was the cam the store that broke the camel's back in that park, on that park bench, for a moment, I was able to see myself exactly the way I was. I have collected 99 straws long before she have come in my life. The pain that I felt was so much further deep inside my being that I knew it wasn't all about her. And I knew what I had on that part that particular day is called moment of grace.

And I walk in these rooms, and I knew that these people were really, really caring about me. It is because of their program that they reach out and they touch me right here. And we don't realize that when we come into program, we develop a magical ability. The ability to touch someone right here and I have been touched. And today, I know I can touch you right there too, provided you have lived with the disease of alcoholism, and I have lived with the disease of alcoholism.

It put us on equal ground. It's always about this pain, And when I'm in this program long enough, I do find out that for me, there are 4 ways to lessen my pain in this program. I showed up in these rooms in my car with 12 pieces of luggage. Large, small, medium, all different sizes. And I bring them out of my trunk and I brought them into the room and I show you my luggage.

And all you told me was to keep coming back and I have no intention of giving up any pieces of luggage. At the end of the meeting, I put more my luggage back in my trunk, close it, drove off. Next week, come back, open the trunk, bring it all out, show it to you, put it back in the car, close off, drove off again, come back again. In about 3 or 4 weeks without any willingness of letting go any pieces of luggage, I only left with 8 pieces. I swear to God there are people in Al Anon that steal luggage.

There's one right there. The second way I found to lessen my pain in this program, if I'm a vessel filled to the brim with my own pain and I allow you to pour your pain into me, my pain is gonna spill out. And because I am not attached to your pain, I can allow more of your pain into me and more of my pain is gonna spill out. And if the meetings are pain reliever, the steps are deep surgery. I once have a toothache.

I tried this over the counter thing and it didn't work and before I know it I was at the dentist chair. I was not talking about my dental hygiene or having any discussion group or anything at all. I was there. The pain drove me to the things that I needed to do in order to relieve the pain. And the 4th way I found in this program to lessen my pain is about this listening and talking, this listening and talking, this listening and talking with my Higher Power, which are found in these rooms.

I told you about my journey on May 9, 1993, but that's not really true. My journey really begins on September 12, 1955. That's when I was born. I was born in the city of Macau, which is about 30 miles kinda away from Hong Kong, and this place was governed by the Portuguese where 10% of the port of the population were Portuguese and they had a governing power there, and the rest of the population 90% were Chinese. And if you look at me, you know that I'm not a 100% Portuguese, no I'm a 100% Chinese.

And I've always felt like a giraffe in a herd of horses. I look like a horse. I feel like a horse, but I ain't a horse. My neck is sticking out way too hard. And 40 some years ago, it was a very shameful thing, and people let me know that my mother was not a very good person because she messed around with foreigners, and I felt that shame.

And what I know is true today is that when I was about 6 months old, my mother couldn't afford to keep me, and she walked me to this convent and down the steps of this convent and she offered me up for adoption. And there was this one gentleman. She he was the doorman at this convent. He's from Northern China. He speaks with an accent pretty much like Sterling inside of California.

And I know today why he took me in. He wanted a family because he also didn't have a family. And later on, he couldn't afford to keep me also because, you know, it get expensive having a child, so he quit that job pretty soon, and he become a pedicap driver. A pedicap is a tricycle with human being as cargo and he's the mule in front doing that to support me and make a living so that he could raise me. And I always felt that guilt.

Somewhere along the line I knew I couldn't do that for another human being, and as I mentioned earlier I was raised by the Jesuits to help me out. And I also learned early on I couldn't be Catholic and horny all at the same time, you know. I couldn't make it as a Jesuit. So I was raised in this convent, which is an all girls school, and pretty soon, which is an English school, and pretty soon I was too old to be hanging around with all girls. So they transfer me to an all boys school and there's one big problem in that.

This all boys school is all Chinese and I didn't know how to read nor write Chinese. I knew how to speak it, so I memorized a tall Chinese dictionary. China Chinese language does not have an alphabet. It's really picture by picture by picture, and very early on that I know if I put my mind, and I put my focus and I put everything that I have into any project, I could overcome it. I became a person that is impressed with my own ability to solve my own problem, and I knew it would work for me.

And within a year, I was proficient in Chinese as the rest of my classmate. When I got to be about 14, one day one of the Jesuit came to me and says, there's a couple in Long Beach, California would like to adopt somebody. Would you be interested to go to America? And I was so happy because I thought that somebody from 1,000 of miles reaching over to adopt me as a child, they must really, really want me. But what I didn't know then that I know today that this was an alcoholic home, where alcoholism reigns supreme, where there were terrible fights practically every night, and these people run around with knives.

And I have to lock myself in my bedroom just wishing everything would go away. And it was a very painful, very frightening, very scary time for me, and I endured that pain for 3 years. And when I turned 19, I swear to the heavens and the earth that I would never return, and I left that place, and I never looked back. And for the next 20 years, I fixed my inside with the outside. I moved from relationships to relationship, friendship to friendship, looking for something that will work because I knew that I was incomplete.

I've always felt that. Completeness always comes outside of me, and if I could merge that person into me, then I will feel complete. I was looking for 18th century Ming vase, and if you are that, I'm superglue. I've always been attracted to alcoholics and addicts, and I know today why because it makes me feel better about myself. They have obvious defects of characters, and mine are always below the surface.

I've always been attracted to women that come home at 2 o'clock in the morning and say, let's go to Las Vegas. And I pulled out my money, and I got about $6, and I go. They make me feel alive. Through this inventory process, I began to know who I am. If you try to fix me up with a female lawyer, I guarantee you ain't nothing gonna work.

She's got a job. She's got education. She got it all together. But now if I go to Denny's at 11 o'clock at night and I see a waitress with a black eye walking towards me, and she's telling me her boyfriend did that and her mother is strung her ass out tonight, now come home to papa. That's something I can work with.

It's so hard to know about who I am, because I way I always look at it, a person stand in front of AA, and he said, I'm here because I drink too much. A person go to Narcotics Anonymous, and he stands in front of the group, and he says, I'm here because I use too many drugs. I come to Al Anon. I stand in front of you, and I tell you that I'm here because she drink too much. She's naughty naughty, But that speaks volume of who I am.

I am a person that hides behind good intentions. I am a person that hides behind everything, and this program is like onion. I get peeled, and little by little, I skipped to see exactly who I am. I always felt that I have been affected by this disease, and I don't even know why. And I come to this thought that I'm like a car perfectly parked on a suburban street, minding my own business.

And about 11 o'clock at night, I hear this bang, and I run out to my living room. I looked out the window. All I see was this black black thing screeching out, and I ran out the lawn and I looked at my car, my car has been hit and run. It's been damaged. And just like this program, little by little, I look at the evidence left on the scene.

I see the glass which is tinted. I realize this is a tinted car. The glass is tinted. I see black paint in my car, and I knew this car is black. I see the height of the damage.

I realize this is an SUV, and that's how I learn a little bit about alcoholism by seeing the evidence in my own life. But insanity is this, and I realize it. Regular people will pick up the phone and call their insurance agent. They bear the pain. They pay the premium.

They have it towed. They have it fixed. But me, for 20 years, will be complaining about somebody hit my car, and And when finally get to it, where is your car today? And I would say it's parked still on the same spot. By now it's rotting.

By now, the tires are gone. By now, the windows are completely cracked. And I would still say, until God dragged that person into my life and beg for forgiveness, I wouldn't have my car repaired. That's my responsibility, and that's my insanity. My insanity is always this.

My definition of it is this, expecting healthy behavior from unhealthy people. I mean, it's so easy. Just expect when to call, when to come home. You know, somebody talked about that yesterday. But these are the most unhealthy people, and they even tell you them that themselves.

And I expect healthy behavior from them. I know how to love, but I didn't know how to love unconditionally. I was trying to change the behavior of a human being by love. And worst of all, I try to change the body chemistry of a human being by punishment. That's who I am to send here to expose myself and be vulnerable because today I know intimacy has to have vulnerability.

I have to give you evidence and information that you can use to hurt me, but you choose not to. It's so hard because I have been hurt before, but I would like to have intimacy today. I've always thought of this, I love that alcoholic, 10 points, Sometime maybe 12 because, you know, we're alanones. We're always generous. And all I ever wanted from her was 7 points.

But she's an alcoholic, you know. Pretty soon, it was 6 points, 5 points, 4 points, 3 point. 3 points is good, you know. I would have settled for 3 points. But she went back to drinking, and pretty soon she don't even want to play with me.

But this God that I found in this room told me not to worry about that. Brought me to a program where in a room like this, each one of you don't really care that much about me, but I'm sure you're capable to love me one point. And in a room like this today, I get 200 points. Seventy times of what I would have gotten and would have settled for. And you know what I told God?

No. No. No. No. Send all these people home.

That woman owes me 3 points. And until she come on her knees and ask for forgiveness, I refused to continue. I refused. But actually, Al Anon wasn't what I was really looking for when I arrived here. I was looking for obedience for for alcoholics.

Give somebody an idea. They may start 1. When you go there, you learn a few techniques, you bring it home, and you go sit, stay, and don't drink. And if you behave yourself, I'll bring you out for a walk on my leash once in a while, you know. A lot of times, you know, I come to meetings because I feel like I'm like a car.

A car can go 50, a 100000 miles without any problem, but I am limited by a 12 gallon gas tank. So every so often I gotta put in, I gotta fill it up, I gotta get charged up, and I go out on my life. But a lot of times people misunderstand and I'm one of them that I thought that program wasn't a gas station. I think program is a bus station where you can go up with a sign and he says, I want happy relationship, happy destiny, I wanna intimate this, and and you ever try to get a ride at the Ako gas station? It's very hard.

But we are gas station here. We only sell one thing, g, The god of your understanding, and that's all we do. And if you're fortunate enough, you put another human being in your car, you get to go on the carpool lane, and you go a little smoother and a little further down the road. And the 12 steps to me is like a jumper cable. I left the lights on too long for the alcoholic to come home, of course.

You know? The lights dimmed and the and the battery went out, and I was lack of power. I was powerless. And this person that I met in these rooms and this is, you know, I got the 12 steps like a jumper cable, and all I have to do is connect my negative and my positive and your negative and your positive, and magically, power is gonna transform from one car to the other car. But that's a huge problem in that because it requires me to pop open this hood and show you the greasy, dirty, grimy, corroded engine that I have not shown to anybody in a long long time.

And pretty soon, I was able to do that. And he was able to connect his negative and his positive from my negative and my positive, and magically power is transferred. A lot of times I also get confused with religion. Today I accepted my spirit the difference I realized the difference between religion and spirituality. Religion to me is like mass transit.

It's like the bus, the train, the airplane. It does wonderful thing for a large group of people. You stand on a particular corner, they come by and pick you and bring you to your destiny. But in these rooms, I found a god of my understanding. It's like my own private car.

I'm from Southern California. I'd rather drive my own car than pick the bus. Doesn't mean I never have to. And you can have your own little Volkswagen. You can have your own little Jaguar.

And and I like Hondas, you know, and you can get whatever color you want. Gives me the freedom that is the theme of this weekend. The freedom to have the power of your own understanding. And sometimes it gets back to I'm not that religious, but I'll always tell people that if the Lord is my shepherd, then alcoholism is the sheepdog that nip me on my butt and bring me back to the fold. Because for the longest time, I look at God.

I says, I'm just an innocent, fluffy little thing walking around, you know, and you send this big, mean dog barking with big tooth and everything. And, like, what's wrong with that? You know. Because I have wandered so far, and he's been calling me, h. And I just keep on going.

So he got alcoholism. Sick them. Didn't really kill me. This kind of couple scar right here, you can still see it. Brought me back to the fold, and I'm so grateful for that.

Oh, come on in. 7 tradition has been over now. Thank you. But it's always always back to the program about my obsession about another human being, about me not having the ability to allow another human being to live the in the dignity of their own life. And I realized that this disease, you know, it's a family disease, and sometimes in Al Anon, I don't get it.

You know, it's just like I have this little bit of relationship problem and and and we gotta come in and and do this for the rest of our lives. And then it suddenly dawned on me. It's like this the same 12 steps that heroin addicts got off heroin. This is soap. This is sandpaper soap, you know.

It makes me realize that the problem that I have is spiritual in nature. And then all of a sudden it dawned on me in the the 12 steps it talks about the spiritual awakening. And in my particular case, the spiritual comatose, you know, that's why I need to be awakened. And I don't have a power to do that, and that's why I need a sponsor. And a lot of people talk about this sponsor, and and and I'd only say one thing about my sponsor.

He gave me the most precious thing that he have, which is his time. Because if he died today, his tombstone will say 19 whatever and and 2,000 whatever, and the dash in between is his life. If he gave me a minute of his time, he have given me a minute of his life. He gave me an hour of his time. He gave me an hour of his life.

And that's the most precious thing I have to give to another human being. To realize somebody new in these rooms and realize that they are exactly like me so many minutes, so many days, so many years ago. And we don't give advice in this program. All we do is basically listen to allow them to come to me and give me their sorrow, and give me their pain, and for me to listen, which is our 5th tradition in Al Anon. To give comfort and understanding to families of alcoholics.

And we do this by practicing the 12 steps ourselves. Wow. I need to tell you a few things because this person that gave me the job is not in any program, but he gave me a ride to a meeting over 365 continuous days. I have also I mentioned the psychic that gave me back the $10. I also have to tell you that my sponsor that gave me some time.

I also have to mention another friend that I met very early on in my program. And I was encouraged to take a commitment, which is about once a month I got to go to this place, and I didn't have a car at that at that time. And she said, if you can get there, I'll make sure you get a ride home. So I showed up and she was truth to a word and she gave me a ride home, and after 3 or 4 months of this one day in casual conversation, I asked her, I says, what do you do for a living? How do you make a living?

Oh, I get SSI. I don't know much about SSI, but you're kind of young for that. It's something to do with Social Security, and she choose at that time to reveal to me that she was HIV positive. That really messed me up. Here's a person that supposedly dying, is giving me hope.

Here's a person that have an incurable disease and giving me hope. And then worst of all is that if I get to know her as a person and she pass on, then once again, I will be abandoned. What should I do? Should I continue to be her friend, or should I walk away before I get too close? I struggle with that.

And finally I was able to walk through and I became a friend, and we're still close friends day. Thanks to the miracles of modern medicine medicine. But they have these people. It's the same way I look at it. I can't see electricity.

I can only see the pop the bulb, you know, the elect the light bulb light up. I can't see God. I can see only people lit up. Oh, no. That's AA.

I'm sorry. They they they lit up anyway. But I only see the effects of this power the effects of this power. And I stood here and exposing myself so that I can move on. And I found that this power that I found in this room really, really love me.

A lot of times I think of the program is also like the banquet of life. We come here, we bring appetizer, we bring dessert, and sometimes we even bring the main course, and we share and we share. For a person that is so lacked and so empty on the inside today to this process is able to stand in front of you and give you something that even isn't mine. You know, one thing I kinda learned staying around here this weekend is that the program is Chinese to you too. You know?

You know, since I understand it better than I do, and English isn't my, you know, native tongue. And I'm trying to tell you something about our program that I don't understand about a god I barely understood. And what is that with that? It is about this power that could transform anybody in these rooms. And if you're in this room today, I can tell you one thing.

You have been touched. You have been touched. Because you know for a fact that so many people out there are still suffering. And sometimes in Al Anon, you know, they're gonna talk about a qualifier and a qualifier and a qualifier. Right now, at this moment, even though it's only 10 o'clock in the morning, it's probably 9 o'clock in the morning in Los Angeles.

There's at least a couple of 100 people drinking downtown Los Angeles on Skid Row. And we may pass a hat around, and we may, you know, put a few dollars in there, but they do not affect us like one particular person. And that's a relationship that I have with my qualifier, and that's a relationship that we all have with our individual qualifier. And finally get to understand this relation ship. The reason is this, that when I was running into the wall and I have no answers for my life, I have to either make a decision to turn left or to turn right.

And because of my relationship with this person, I turn right. I turn right. And that's forever is my relationship with this person, and that's why the qualifying the program is so important. Because it brings really the reactions of who I am because I always react to other people with my own power. I never reacted with God.

I never turned anybody over. And one reason, I'm raised with Catholic. I mean, it's so difficult to ask God for anything because you talk about high interest rate from the mafia. God has really high interest rate. If you ask him for anything, you end up being a missionary in South Africa and and usually no sex is involved, you know.

So I never asked God for anything. And the hardest thing for me as an Al Anon to do is to sit still and allow someone to love me. It's so hard. And they tell me at this pro you know, in the beginning, it's like, let us love you until you can love yourself, but you don't understand. I really don't want you to love me, and I know today because if you love me, I owe you.

I never wanna owe you anything. I always want you to owe me. Wow. It's really through this process that I find out my problem and my spiritual nature with this program. It's good that it's Sunday morning, and I still really don't have religion in my heart, but I am filled with spirituality that I can really talk to you about a power that can touch me and transform my life and make me a different person that I am eight and a half years ago.

And I found that it's truly through the healing process of this program that I can do that. And because my power works miracles, I am healed. And because of the actions and the suggestions of people in this program, other people's healing comes through because of my healing. Wow. And that is the miracle of this program.

I also bring a panel to juvenile hall, and also main jail, and Al Anon panel 3 times a month. And the one question and both all the 3 panels are for juveniles. The one in the main jail are people that are 17a half and and 18 finishing the sentence. And I also learned that alcoholism beyond this all other description is also generational. The way I look at it is that the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree.

And the one question that I ask each and every time I showed up on this panel is this, is anybody here today, either you like to or not, if you can answer a question. And the question is this. Is there anybody right now in your home, a mother, a brother, a father, a sister, somebody using drugs or an alcohol? And you see the hands goes up. And I wish somebody would bring that to me when I was 16 years old in this alcoholic home.

I have never been able to express my fear within me to anybody living in this household, not knowing what's going on. And I ran, and I ran for 20 years. And God looked down and feel sorry for me, and touched me, And I'm here today to share with you about the nature of this illness that not only can affect you and affect others and affect everybody around you, But more important than all, with this program, it can transform your life, and it could heal. But the obstacles to my healing is my denial, and we can all agree that a program is about a search for the truth, but I can't see the truth because it's covered by lies. And the lies are like the far that cover up the truth.

The truth is right in front of me, and I can't see it because it's cover up with far, it's cover up with the lies. And the lies are this, are the lies that people told me that I believe and more important are the lies that I told myself that I believe, and these are the lies, and that's the fog. And with this program, to clear the fog, I was able to see the truth which is all was right in front right there. Was able to see that the world doesn't really revolve around what I want, what I need, but really about the people that cares about me and the people that I cared about. The healing is really through the steps.

I have a lot of difficulty in the beginning with a higher power, but I went to high school and I took high school algebra, and I realized this is that a power greater than x is equal to x plus 1, and a power greater than me is me plus 1. So if I open up and be vulnerable and allow another human being into my life, me and that human being together becomes a power greater than myself. And for a long time, my higher power was like Starsky and Hutch, 5050. I'm Starsky, he's Hutch. I kick the door and he watch my back.

It's not that today, but it was for quite a while. And I also learned in this program that it's okay to question God. It's okay to test God because I think that really the the the the the softer spot in my recovery is my doubt about the nature of this power. If I don't get a firm grasp of this power, if I don't get a firm understanding, if I don't have this power really within me, that they will come when I will be doubting that what is this all about. Is it really about me, or is it really about this power?

And I need to get on with that. There's also in our literature, by the way, Al Anon has a book, blue book too, not this one, but it's called living without an alcoholic, and I heard that AA now come up with their own version. It's a number one best selling flying off the shelves. It's called living in pain with an Al Anon. Because I finally realized my responsibility and my reaction with this alcoholic.

When I am so close to perfection, it is impossible to live with me. I am with my defects of characters like a moon, you know. It's pretty bright on a starless night. But if I hang out with the sun, you can never see me. And that's why I always hang out with people with obvious of the obvious defects of characters.

Characters. They they can't even get up, you know, hold down a job and balance a a checkbook. If they would turn their will and their life over to me, things would be much much better. But I finally, you know, go to enough open a meeting and realize that they have such a thing as a, b, and c. And as particular about b that no human power can relieve them of the alcoholism.

And I'm the alanine that stand in front of AA meeting and go, you. I can fix alcoholic. I'm not the authorized dealer, but I do it a pretty good job at a discount rate. I'm stealing repair work from God. That's who I am.

I'm looking at you guys and I see myself. I see that here's a group of people that at one time not wholly full and not really, you know, who you are, but today become a whole different kind of person. And you have that love that I've always looking for. The warmth and the understanding because you have gone through this process. Even if you're only a day old, the power resides within you.

Being oriental, we always have that mindfulness and and living in harmony with everything around us. And this is what this program is really all about. It fits in with any religion, with any philosophy. It really fits me like the suit, but it's really about a way of life. It's really about how I can today share with you, Let you know who I am and get to know you a little bit better, and we become as 1, and we become family, and we become free of the obsession of an alcoholic, or for the other part, free of the obsession of this disease.

Free from the obsession of alcohol. And it has to be lifted. It has to be lifted. And it's so hard to be up here sometimes and share all that pain, but it relieves me. It gets me to be a different person.

It brings me more intimate with you than I have ever been this whole weekend, and I really kinda crave for it because I get to know who you are, and you get to know who I am. And today, because of the process of this program, I'm able to touch other people in their lives and in their recovery. And if you do the same thing, it pretty much is going to happen that you're going to get phone calls across town. You're gonna get phone calls across the county. You're gonna get phone calls across the nation.

And someday, you'll get a phone call from Australia, and this guy would say, oh, come on. I saw her last night and he went on for like 45 minutes about her, her, her, her. And then personally I interrupt that person, I say, why don't you just read one day at a time page 56 and call me back in 20 minutes? Now I have no idea what page 56 said. I do today because he read it and told me that it was exactly the perfect page.

And the definition of an angel is a messenger. And because of people like you, rooms like this and this program, I have angels in my life. I'm gonna say this and shut up. This is how I view the Al Anon program. I was born lit like a candle in life, and somewhere along life this wind blew and my light went out, and I was cold, and I was dark until I arrived in these rooms.

And I see that all you are candles that are lit. And one of you told me that if I allow myself to get close to you and for you to get close to me, That's how we can go, it's like each other. And I was able to allow you get close to me and you for me to get close to you. And once again, I was lit. But I was warned not to be stagnant, that I need to go out in the dark and seek other candles in the dark, and allow them to get close to me, and for me to get close to them.

And the dream is this, that I light enough candles, and in turn, they light enough candles that our flames together will be as bright as daylight. Thank you.