The Primary Purpose Group's 16th anniversary

My name is Chris Raymer. I'm a recovered alcoholic. Yes. It's good to see you guys. So many of you, I know.

That's one of the cool things about coming back to the same place and talking over and over. You you wear them down. Sooner or later, they all come back and get a chance to meet some new friends and gee, with some of you guys I've known since I first got sober up in Lewisville, and, I'm honored to be here. I I see my first sponsor strutting through the audience. My my current sponsor is sitting over here next to Myers, so I'm I'm as screwed as you get in here.

You know? I I had a bunch of great stories made up. I can't tell any of them now. I had a great great weekend. It was, a wonderful drive up and, got a chance to spend some time with family this weekend, and, it's good to be here.

I I was out with Myers this this this afternoon. Myers is a beekeeper. He's got some beehives out there. Right? And so, you know, the city boy, and I'm out there pretending I'm evil freaking gibbons, you know, out there checking it out.

You know, oh, bees. Nature, how wonderful. You know what? He he did something. I don't know if he did it on purpose or not, but that hives, and I had 4 bee stings in my head on this afternoon.

I mean, can you they obviously didn't know who they were stinging, but I'm feeling a little funky. So I gotta tell you, if I start buzzing through this thing, you know, halfway through, you'll understand I'm turning. You know, I just like, can you die from a bee sting? I don't know. It's just I don't know.

I'm honored to be here. I I, real quick. As as always, when I get a chance to visit with some of you guys, I, I need to tell you. What Cliff said is I mean, we laugh about me being shy. You know?

I mean, when I get start speaking and I get pretty wrapped up, I, you know, I spit and foam at the mouth. And, I mean and I and I seem like I'm I'm I'm pretty out there, and then then I get finished or before. You know? Yeah. People that know me in this room know that I'm as as shy as they come.

I mean, I I'm I'm pretty pretty quiet old boy, and, it's the truth. I mean, the people that are laughing at that don't know me, because I'm I'm until I start talking about this, and I don't know. It's like people are always saying, Chris, why don't you sell something? You could get rich. And I said, you know, if I could work this much passion into something I was I would.

I'd be rich as I could be. There's no question about it. God seems to bless me with this one little thing here, and I I, I'm grateful for that. I would have rather been rich and good looking, but what the heck? You know?

What the heck? I was in, Denton this afternoon. Last night, we went over to dinner and and got a chance to see some friends of mine and, got to visit with a young man who was, considering getting sober, and it was a cool thing. I got a chance to drive by the old the old homestead where I lived up in Denton. I was it was I was there for about 4 4 years or so and, very drunk.

I couldn't remember the name of the street I lived on for 4 years. You know? They finally told me last night at dinner, well, you know where that street is. It's, you know, so and so. And I and I drove down this little ragly street where I used to live and set out in front of the little house where I used to just drink myself blind every night and so much unhappiness on that street.

And there's nothing wrong with the street, but just I was there. You know? And it was just I was unhappy wherever I went. And and I gotta tell you, folks, is I'm sitting in this room watching you guys and hugging on some necks, and and I'm awful grateful tonight to be a part of this. Alcoholism and drug addiction, is a is a fatal chronic illness, and, it kills us when we're drinking.

And what so many people don't understand is it kills us when we're not drinking. And unless alcoholism is arrested, unless we recover, then this internal condition is gonna continue to get worse, and we're gonna come out sideways and do really stupid things. And and, one of those things is just just to be miserable. And and what Cliff said is is just is so true. You know, if if if you can't be happy and sober, then something's wrong.

And and and I used to sit, you know, this idea that if we sit around a a for a long period of time, we're gonna understand what this is about, that we know everything there is to know about Alcoholics Anonymous. And it's like, that is just absolute crap. You know, it's not true. Until you stick your beacon to this literature and start seeing what this is really about, you're you're you're not gonna experience the miracle of what recovery is. I mean, I I I work at a treatment center, and I I I do clerical work for this hospital, and they let us do a big book thing in the morning where we get to talk to the cats about God and the steps and and hopefully try to excite some of them enough to get connected when they leave treatment.

Because it's been been our observation that the people that leave that hospital and get connected out here with great strong groups, doesn't have to be primary purpose, other groups. As long as they get involved in a in a in a strong group where they're talking about guiding the steps, they're they're kicking butt, staying sober. The the cats that don't seem to be able to do that, you know, the ones that are relapsing. And and then some of the stuff that I wanna wanna wanna kinda talk about tonight. You all don't mind if I take this off to you?

Good. I don't see how anybody can talk and you don't mind if I take this off, do you know? On page 155, I've talked about this up here before when I've had the chance to do this. I'm watching the clock because it's gonna get hot in here, and I know you guys. I'm not gonna keep you very long, but but I would just like to share a few things.

I've tried real hard to get through this without cussing too much. Screw you. Hi, Marco. On page 155, Bill Wilson's talking about doctor Bob, and and and and in this in this first meeting, he said, he had a desperate talking about doctor Bob, he said he had a desperate desire to stop and saw no way out for he had earnestly tried many avenues of escape. Painfully aware of being somehow abnormal, the man did not fully realize what it meant to be alcoholic.

And and that's see, that's my experience. You know, I was around AA for 7 years. Some of y'all have heard my story, and and I know I irritate some of you. It's funny how you guys can be. You know, it's like, as long as I'm as long as I'm saying everything you believe, that Chris Raymer, he's the best speaker.

He's the nicest guy. We're going to name our kid after him. You know, he's just he's just touched by God. Minute and minute I stand up on the podium and say something that you don't agree with, you know, I'm Satan's son. You know?

That's I mean, we get real sensitive in these rooms, and I I gotta tell you, we got other people from other walks in in here that that may do different their their own program that's a little different. You know? And if that's the way you're working it, that's great, but you're you're just not gonna appreciate where I'm coming from, perhaps. And then it's just my story, my nickel. It's my experience.

It may be different than your experience. So, please, if I step on somebody tonight, I mean, I I trust me. I don't intend to. I I honestly don't. No, I don't, I don't.

You all think I enjoy it. I don't, I don't. But but I mean, where my passion comes from, y'all heard me a 1000 times is that I sat in AA for 7 years in and out of the fellowship, and I think I'm going crazy because I'm sitting here watching you guys laugh and joke and walk in with a good looking woman on on your arm and driving a nice new car, and everything's just great. And then I'm I'm driving some beat up old rent a heap and and and and and I'm I'm dying. I mean, the depression won't leave.

The boredom won't go away and anxiety, and I'm I'm coming apart at the scene. I'm taking handfuls of pills a day just to kinda get me moving through the day, but I'm one day at a time. I'm I'm keep coming back, you know, because it's bound to work. I'm bound to catch it. You know, I just want I just wanna puke.

And I sit in these meetings, and I listen to you guys talk your absolute crap. You know, it just well, I'm I'm having a bad day. I just need a place to share, and everybody else, oh, that's good, you know, and it's like and I said, Oh, great. Here we go. You know what it is when we laugh about it.

I mean, what's a bad day? You come into me, I'm having a bad day. That's just another way of saying it ain't going the way I want it to go. Ain't that the truth? And so now we're gonna have to listen to why you think you're being screwed over and life is so tough and, you know, and it's a bit and I'm sitting there.

Yeah. It is. We're all sitting in there. We've all got problems. We all got hassles, you know, but guys, somewhere along the line, you know, we've gotten off the page.

And I I say it from any any podium I'm at. I'll be in England in a couple of weeks, and I'm we're given the same stupid message, you know. I've never been threatened or lynched by a bunch of English people before, but I'm sure it'll happen, you know, because I stand up from the podium and I wanna talk to you about this because because somewhere along the line, see, the book says the book says we got a primary purpose. Our 5th tradition says, if you read the long form, it says we're a spiritual entity having but one primary purpose. What's that primary purpose?

Try Trying to help somebody stay sober. And somewhere along the line, thanks to treatment centers, We got taken to a place where we believed that if we could just solve all of your little chicken shit problems, then you could stay sober. And see, what we need to understand is I'm 16 years sober now, and I still have some chicken shit little problems. You know what I mean? It's just it's like life is not gonna stop just because I got sober.

I've still got some problems, but I'm not gonna come into a meeting full of a bunch of nutcases and try to try to play junior therapy back and forth so we can figure out what to do with our problems. And I gotta tell you that that's probably the most controversial thing I say from the podium because so many of us in this room believe it's our god given right to sit in the meeting and talk about anything we want, and it's not. The book is crystal clear. We're supposed to be sharing our experience, strength, and hope about getting sober. We're never gonna get around talking about the steps or how to make amends or how to do that stupid 4 step or or how to have that spiritual experience.

We're never gonna get a chance to talk to the cats about that because we're too busy to fix your little life. The book says, guys, Bill Wilson wrote extensively about it. If you read the archives, if you'll talk, I mean, he wrote extensively about this. We cannot take on the problems of every AA member. We are not here as a dumping ground for problems, and yet, we've got open discussion meetings absolutely ramped at everywhere with no topic, not a big book in sight, and that's all they wanna do is sit around and talk about the problem.

And then they come to my my treatment center and sit down and say, woah, I'm so disappointed. You all are doing the 12 steps. I've tried AA. It doesn't work. I said, no kidding.

It worked for me. It worked for me. 1987, boom, walked in the back door of an AA meeting. I mean, guys, you know, I was sitting there this afternoon in front of that house, and I was just remembering the the absolute despair. You know, I was one of those drunks that that had periods of time where things were going great.

You know, I mean, I was making some money, and I was succeeding in my career, and everything was going great. And then I'd have these times where I where I hit these little little low spots, you know, like like eating out of dumpsters in Houston, Texas, you know, and it's this little you know, but then but then I bounce right back, and I and I and I right back up the ladder. And it's like and I'm looking around, and everybody I'm drinking with is drinking just like me. So, obviously, that's not the problem. And I'm sitting around trying to figure out if I can just get my life organized.

You're with me? I'm a I don't know about some of you guys, but I'm a I'm a I'm a thinker. I mean, I really I didn't say particularly bright, folks. I mean, I I got I got no degree in my in my name, but I mean, but I was always a thinker. I always get quiet, you know, turn the stereo on to put some great poco on or something, you know, some nice sounds, you know, and kick back with a legal tablet and try to try to figure out why my life is so unfulfilling.

You know what? What's not right? Sharpen a bunch of pencils, you know, and get ready, you know, and Turn the TV on, and turn all the lights on. Make sure I get plenty of distraction because the voices in my head are screaming. They all sound like this, Chris, you're a worthless piece of shit.

Well, I can see this is not going well. And by the end of the little exercise, of course, I've got a dead 12 pack laying next to me, a box of Kentucky fried chicken bones on the floor, and I'm in a half illegible sheet of paper written out, and I've got it figured out. It's an epiphany. I need a new job and a new woman. Sex and checks.

I mean, guys, that's what it's about. Sex and checks. Down in Mississippi, I talked down there one time and they said, yep. That's right. It's it's either green or pink.

I said, what? But I understood because that's the way it always was. And when I started going to therapy, that's what I wanted to talk about. When I when I when I went I used to sit with Myers. We used to have little boaters out there.

We'd go out in the car, you know, because he wasn't supposed to be drinking. I was such a bad influence on him. I was dragging him down the road and and we'd sit out in the in the he had a Land Cruiser. We'd sit out there and drink beer and he'd talk and and I tried to explain this to him. You don't understand.

You know, if if if if things would just if I could just get out of this stupid food business, you know, I'm in the restaurant business and the pressure and that, I'll let get out of that. Give me a good woman, somebody that would consider having sex more than once every 6 months. I mean, just is is that too much to ask? You know, is that and and and I said, yeah, you're right. You know, but you might wanna look at your drinking too.

You know, I says, buddy, you know, you don't understand. This is why I drink. If I could get all these things worked out, everything would be okay. And I gotta tell you guys, I got a hospital down in the hill country full of patients right now that believe that same crap. They've been around AA, and nobody told them any different.

And I think it's an absolute tragedy that we allow newcomers to sit in meetings believing that their outside issues are what's causing us to drink. I'm gonna tell you what the book says. The book says I've got a physical allergy, which means that I can't control how much I put in my body at certain times. Not every time. I've I've functioned for 20 years, folks.

I wouldn't go into jail and black it out and doing crazy things. I had a job. I never got fired from a single job in my life. I was doing good out there. You with me?

But I was dying inside, but the phenomena craven kicked in and I'd go off the races and accidentally drink more than I intended. You with us? At certain times. You know? I hear these guys these these kids come to the hospital.

Every time I drink, I drink to get squashed. Not my experience. You know what happens when I get squashed? I throw up, the stuff gets caught in my beard, and my patch is perpetually crooked. Buddy, I'm gonna tell you something.

It's tough to get laid when you got a like, it looks like a half of it a half of an earmuff. You know what I mean? You wouldn't go out with me, would you? Not in this lifetime. No.

Y'all y'all y'all with me? Alright. Alright. So so here so here's what the deal. You couple that with a mental obsession that tells you that you're gonna keep doing it.

You see? And this is the problem. This is if the book says if you can stop on a nonspiritual basis, then you're not one of us. It's just that simple. But we don't we don't qualify the drunks when they come to our fellowships.

You go into most groups. They say, hey, you having a trouble with alcohol? Uh-huh. Welcome. So So you just sit there like you're in a headlight and then listen to everybody talk about their stupid war stories.

And the first person that says something that you can't relate to, like getting arrested or getting a DWI or blacking out, you check. Oh, I'm I'm not one of them. See, that's not what the book says. The book doesn't say anything about blacking out or passing out or doing any of this weird stuff. I don't have to go to prison to qualify to be an alcoholic.

I have to have had the phenomena of craving and the obsession of the mind. And if you've got that guys, who who in this room has been given sufficient reason to quit? Who's had a who's had one of their kids look at them in the face and says, you're drinking scaring me. A mom and dad saying, you're freaking us out. Your your grade's in jeopardy.

Your health in jeopardy. Who's been given a reason to stop and then continue to do it? Welcome. But you see, nobody in 7 years told me that. It's a it's a absolute travesty.

In 1975, we had about I have this statistic down here. We had about a 1000000 big books in 1975 printed out there in circulation. Right now, we've got over 19,000,000, but our membership has stalled 10 years ago and has and has grown very little. We got a lot of this literature out, but nobody's studying it. Nobody's reading it.

Nobody's staying. Absolute tragic. Why? Who who wants to work the steps when it's easier to go to an open discussion meeting and just talk about your crappy day, get a little temporary relief, and then go on about your business. And then you wonder why this internal condition, what the book calls the spiritual malady, is never treated because your spiritual malady is not gonna be treated by organizing your external world.

That's why some of us are so crazy because, gosh, I'm trying to think. I drank and drank when things were going great. I drank and drank when things were going absolute crappy. You with us? I drank and drank on Christmas.

I drank and drank on Tuesday morning. Can y'all understand that? I I drank when I had a great woman in my life. I drank when I had no woman in my life. What what the heck?

So why are we spending all of our time in these meetings talking about stuff that we don't really need to be talking about anyway? There's a path to God, folks. It's called the 12 steps. See, the steps get us connected to God, and God removes the obsession for me to drink. I mean, it's the coolest.

But I'm in AA. I'm gonna say it again up here in North Texas for 7 years, listen to people not ever talk about that. Well, one day at a time. Easy does it. Don't get too hungry, angry, lonely, or tired.

Unbelievable. Unbelievable. In 1987, I, I, I'd left that house in Denton, and I was living with my brother. One more time, I know we got a bunch of alanines in here. We got family members in here.

I wanna thank you for being here. I wanna thank you for staying close to us. I need to be the first to tell you. If it hadn't have been for family, I would have not survived this. It's just that simple.

And, I, in 1987, I was working for my brother, and I, drove home one night. He didn't know anything about it. There was no weird stuff going on that day. It's just that I was just in another one of those funks. I was I was drinking steady.

I was not drinking at work, of course. But, I mean, I I stopped, got a 12 pack of beer, went home, picked up a stack of return checks, went into my little apartment, opened them all up, said this is stupid. You know, I'm 35 years old, and I bankrupted my account one more time. Poor Londa, you know, she spent half the time I worked I worked for them for 8 years. She spent half her time trying to figure out my my checking accounts.

Chris, you need to understand, buddy. You put so much money in, that's how much money you got to spend. You can't spend Bless her heart. I I but I was just so done. You know, I some of y'all in here know exactly what I'm talking about.

You know, you just you get to a certain spot and you're just done. You know, you you've I've tried AA. I've tried therapy. I've been to the church. I've been dip, dump, sprayed, neutered, you know.

And I'm I mean, I've been I've had the crystals. I've had the I've had been lost. You know, I had all the stuff done. I mean, and nothing's ever changing inside, and and I'm just I'm done. I'm looking at this little filthy apartment.

Me and a ferret share this apartment. Buddy, you should've smelled that cage. He's back there. Gus, you should smell his room. You know?

And it's like because it was and and but I'm just I you know? And I talked about this from the podium, guys, and I'm and I don't do it for shock. I mean, a lot of people tried to commit suicide. A lot of people have been successful at committing suicide. I believe half those people that have committed suicide, none of them really wanted to die.

It wasn't a thing in me that wanted to die. I just wanted to stop feeling the way I was feeling. You know, people that are not alcoholics don't understand that that we are not walking around in a black house. You know? There are times when we start to sober up and we remember all the crazy shit we did.

We remember the people we let down and the lies we told and the and the we remember the fact that we didn't exactly meet up to the expectations that we started out as kids. It's not a a good place to be. And after a while, you just run out of steam. You just say, what the heck? I took a bottle of pills and some black label that night and tried to commit suicide.

And, I aborted the attempt to the middle of it. Y'all heard me talk about it. I I, I heard this voice that said go back to AA, and I did. The next day, I made a commitment that I was gonna go do this again, and I walked back in the rooms and, I landed in a room where where Don was at and, over in Lewisville, Texas. And they were all carrying big books and they were laughing.

It wasn't a big book meeting. They just were carrying big books and they were all studying them and we talked about a step every night. That's why that's what they were doing there at the time, and it was a pretty cool thing. And, I gotta tell you guys, they they gathered around me and those cats, they loved me. They but they weren't gonna put up with any of my stuff.

I mean, I they they weren't there to pinch my little cheek like people have been doing for 7 years. You just keep coming back. And it's like, buddy, I've been coming back for 7 years and this pain has never gone away. The fellowship is not gonna keep me sober. The work keeps me sober.

Our doing our primary purpose, humble helping other people keeps us sober. But, you know, I we're we're trying to get sober up in North Texas where they tell you you can't even go. You can't even get a job in service work until you've been sober a year. You can't share meetings. You you you you can't work with newcomers.

They got people everywhere killing people, telling people that. I'm gonna tell you something. I've said it from a 1000000 podiums. Thank God nobody told Bill Wilson and doctor Bob that we'd all be dead. You gotta wait a year before you can go to the treatment center and carry a message back into them.

You gotta you gotta wait a year before you can be to get involved with Integrate. This is ludicrous. This is stupid. If you don't get involved quick, you're not gonna stay here, folks. You're gonna get so bored you you you'll come out of your mind.

I mean, let me run something by you. You know, here's the truth. We spend a lot of time in our meetings talking about the crazy stuff that we do after we drink. Now with us, nonstop, stupid war stories. Well, I did this.

I I drove all night. Went to Vegas. No. No. No.

No. We do all these stupid war stories. And we talk about all the people we impacted. You sit in the 8 9 step meeting, and you listen to all the people that we owe amends to. We're just talking about all the cats that we harmed out there.

Let me let me let me run something by you. You know what we don't talk about enough in these rooms is how many people we impact once we get sober. And look and look listen. Look how delicate this whole thing is. Look how delicate this whole thing was balanced.

Look at the meeting that Cliff was talking about with Bill Wilson and doctor Bob. Look how intricate that that thing happened with Myers and Pam and trying to get get this group and and and getting connected with these peep what would have happened if Don hadn't been in that meeting that night? Because I was done. I was ready to walk. There was way too much laughter in that room, and I didn't want nothing to do with it.

What would have happened if he hadn't have been there? Well, you'd have gotten sober some other yeah. You you you can blow it off if you want to. You can shuffle it off. I'm gonna tell you this.

I believe every single one of us were done divinely put here, and I believe there's a reason that every single one of us are supposed to be here. And there's a reason that every single one of us in this room are supposed to stay sober. Preamble says our primary purpose is to stay sober so that we can go help somebody else. Some of you guys, you know, I talked to and I visit with, you know, you're just you're you're what we call chronic relapsers. You just keep doing this over and over and over again.

Let me tell you something right now from the podium. Bless you. You're welcome. It's not okay. It's not okay that you keep doing that.

We don't we don't need more members to work with. We we we've got an endless out here in the in the DFW area to take care of. Thank you very much. People that have never heard the message. Now what's your excuse?

Why do you keep relapsing? Am I saying you're not welcome? The don't even go there. Of course not. I'm saying we need every hand that we can get in the trench helping us turn the tide.

See, they explained to me when I got back to this fellowship in 1987 that it was not okay that I picked up a gazillion chips for 7 years, that it was time to get sober and stand for something. Let me let let me tell you what they talked to me about real quick. You all know what commitment means? Here's here's a little cat named Gerta, back in in fact, centuries ago wrote this. Says, there's one elementary truth that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too.

All sorts of things occur to help that would never have otherwise have occurred and which no man could have ever dreamed would have come their way. Go with it? Let me paraphrase it for you. Gerdau's a little long winded. You commit, God kicks in.

But do you understand what commitment is? I was thinking, Myers and my little sister, we used to go we used to do go to swimming lessons out in Odessa when we we're West Texas little guys. And the swimming lessons were at 8 o'clock in the morning. You know? It's cold up there in West Texas.

8 o'clock in the morning. I don't care where you are. It's on the desert. It's cold. And we're sitting out there.

I still had this mem this vision of all 3 of us standing like this on the side of the pool, getting ready to do swimming lessons. Y'all with us? With up to our ankles in it, and then you jump back out again, and then you jump back in up to your knees, and you jump back out. I mean, this is painful. Everybody else is out swimming.

Right? We're trying to get our little our little minnow badge or whatever the hell it is. You know? I think I still have mine someplace. Very few thing I ever got.

But, you know, we're out there like this. I I said, you get in there about the up to about to to mister Winky, you know, and jump out and swear off, I'm never gonna get in that water again. You know? And and but little kids, you know, and finally, you know, the the class is half over, and we finally jump in. And then, of course, 2 seconds later, the water feels great.

They can't get us out of that pool. You're with us? That's exactly what I did for 7 years. I get in just so far until it starts to get uncomfortable, and then I jump back out. And That's a bunch of y'all are nodding your head because you've done it.

Guys, you gotta jump in. The only way through it is is through it. If there was an easier, softer way, we'd tell you. If you could go around it, if you could avoid the steps, if you could avoid this god thing, we we would tell you. The only way to do it is to is to commit.

That's what that man asked me to do. Chris, commit. Commit to coming to these meetings. Commit to getting involved. And, guys, every time I turned around, they were asking me to do something I did not wanna do.

Get it be of service. Get on this committee. They had me hooked up with inter groups where I met Joanne first time. They had had me had me hooked up 6 months sober. They would they wouldn't let me sit.

They saved my life. And I agree. In, 1987, when Don was there and Carrie and Jan and a bunch of the other buckaroos, I hadn't finished working the steps. I was working on a 4 step, when, I drove home one night after a Friday night meeting. Smith was there.

We were laughing and tearing them up and just having a great time. This is 2 weeks after I tried to commit suicide, and I drove back up to North Texas up there my little apartment up there off corporate in the 121 and pulled the tailgate out of that old beat up pickup truck. I drove into this fellowship and just I I just I remember pulling the tailgate down, and I'm looking around the 711 and stop and go. And all the places I used to buy booze, I can see from my parking lot. And and that other stuff that we don't talk about in AA, the guy that sells it lives in my apartment complex.

And it's Friday night, and I got a pocket full of money. I don't want it. Sat there on the back end of that truck in front of God and everybody and cried like a baby. Because because guys because the obsession to drink and had been lifted. And this wasn't because I'd finished the steps.

It was because I finally made an absolute commitment that nothing was gonna drive me out of AA. Nothing. Nobody was gonna ever get in my way of this fellowship again. No woman, no job, no no no responsibility was ever gonna get in the way of my allegiance to a fellowship that was placed in at my disposal 68 years ago. There's a lot of people made sacrifices so that Chris Ramer could live today.

I mean, gee whiz, guys. We've got some responsibility here. You want a little temporary relief? Is that what you're looking for? My sponsor today, he beats it in my head on on a regular basis.

You looking for relief, or you looking for release? How free do you wanna be? Do you wanna just be be sober today, one day at a time? I get so sick of that crap, I can just puke. Listen, folks.

This book doesn't talk about that. This book doesn't talk about that. This book doesn't say we stay sober one day at a time. This book says we live life one day at a time. I don't get up in the morning, 16 years sober and decide I'm gonna stay sober today.

I choose to stay sober today. Absolute rubbish. Absolute rubbish. You know what I do? I get up in the morning and do exactly what I was instructed by good sponsors.

I pray and I meditate in the morning. And I make some commitments to go to some meetings where I can help other people. Do you think I'm sitting in the AA meeting listening? Oh, good. What can I hear today that's gonna change my life?

Buddy, my life was changed 16 years ago. The obsession to drink was lifted from me. I am I am I am no more recovered today than I was 16 years ago. I'm a different person, but I recovered 16 years ago. When that obsession leaves you, it you're done.

Can you lose that? Absolutely. We watch it a 1000 times. Watch people get some sobriety and lose it. What happened?

They made a conscious choice to walk away from this fellowship, and it happens the same for millions of us out there. That's a conscious choice. Oh, I don't need those meetings anymore. I'm much too busy. Great.

Mhmm. Good. You selfish selfish selfish selfish selfish person. Arrogance of you. You see, the problem was nobody explained to me.

Smith explained to me. Others in this room explained to me when I got to this fellowship. Chris, you've been a taker all your life. You're not coming into these meetings looking for something to get. You're coming into these meetings to give.

When when your attitude towards that shifts, I don't care if you've been sober 6 months or 6 years or 16 years or 60 years for heaven's sakes. You've got one responsibility in the meeting, and that's to make sure that it stays on topic and that we're talking about God in the steps, making sure that the newcomer is getting fed. When you stop being a newcomer we got people sitting in this room right now that are sober years and still never sponsored anybody. What do you think that's okay? It's not okay.

What are you gonna do? Do your turn in the trench. When are you gonna get the good stuff? See, because I gotta tell you something guys. For 16 years, I mean, I've been through some tough times in 16 years.

I get a divorce and that thing, and I've got some health problems at one time. And, but I'm I'm buddy, it's, it's been a gravy train, buddy, with the biscuit wheels for a long time. You know? It don't get much better than that. No.

Because I believe exactly what what, Cliff read is earlier. You follow the dictates of a higher power and God's gonna take you to a place that you've never been before. And God's gonna continue to take you to new and wonderful places. Let me read something to you. Great sum somebody sent it to me.

Commitment. Guy named Ralph, Marston wrote this. It's really short. Commitment means acting not just when it is convenient or comfortable, but whenever it's necessary. Commitment means setting priorities and following them without fail.

Commitment is more than just words, much more than just saying you will. Commitment is doing whatever it takes to make it happen. Commitment is available to anyone who understands and appreciates its value enough to live with it each and every moment. Commitment requires no special skill, only sufficient desire, the faith and virtue of the endeavor. Commitment goes ahead and gets the job done even though opinion and circumstances may fight vigorously against it.

Commitment sees things through to completion. Commitment bears the pain of moment without becoming dismayed. Commitment enjoys the pleasures of the journey without being sidetracked. Commitment can be summoned in an instant and can last for a lifetime. With true commitment, what you intend is surely what you will be.

Can y'all get down with this thing commitment? And I I sit in our fellowships in all of the fellowships, and I sit and I watch so many people that I'm committed. I'm I'm I'm gonna get well. And then they sit on their butt and let everybody else do the work. Well, but you see, guys, we're blessed because we do the work.

We're trying to get it's like me going to the gym. It's like me going to a gym and asking somebody else to lift the weights for me. You know, really. I mean, listen. Hey, buddy.

Now that ain't gonna cut it. Don't be picking up them little pussy weights. Get them big weights, you know, because because because I'm feeling a little slabby here, you know, and I need some big muscles. You ain't sweat sweating near enough, you know. Just get on it.

I'm sitting there reading the Jim Moore, buddy. Come what is this? It's ridiculous. And yet, when I don't get the big muscles, yet then I then I wanna blame him. That's exactly what we do around our fellowships.

You're sitting in a meeting dying because you're not hearing the solution. Look at the schedule of the meeting you're going to. Oh, what is it? Oh, it's an open discussion meeting. Great.

Wonderful. There's a place in the book. It always gets thrown in my face. There'll be somebody this afternoon. They'll come at this tonight.

They'll come up here and say, but, Chris, it says in the book that the old timers set set aside a couple of nights a week for the newcomers to bring their problems. Great idea. No. I think that's cool. A couple of nights a week for newcomers to bring their problems.

Great idea. We could call it a beginner's meeting. This is a great idea. I think we're on to something. You know, and then we could free up the other the other 1500 just open discussion meetings in the DFW area and turn them into literature based meetings and have a bunch of people getting sober, kicking butt, taking names.

Yeah. What a great idea that would be. I think it's a great idea, guys. We could put them on the schedule. P and m meetings.

Open P and m meetings. It's pissers and moaners meetings for those of you who don't understand that. You guys think I'm real callous about this. You think for a second you think for a second that I don't spend time in during the week talking to people that I am in recovery with about my problems? When when I was going through that divorce, don't you think there was dozens of you in this room that I talked to about that?

You know, I just had a little more respect for you than to bring it into an in an a a meeting where you got a newcomer dying in there and wanting to take up the whole hour talking about my stupid divorce. I mean, it's the height of selfishness if you want to come in during the day and talk about some chicken shit problem of yours. We got a bunch of trained professionals out there called counselors and therapists that would love to spend some time with you. Come before the meeting. Let's visit.

Come after the meeting. Come to my house. Let's go to Denny's. Set it from a 1000000 podiums. But, jeez, guys, in the hour that we had together, why don't you give it a rest?