Paul F. from Pheonix, AZ leading a Big Book Workshop taking people through the 12 steps as done in the 1940s at Solutions Halfway House in Pheonix, AZ

would you

please help me open today's session with a moment of silent meditation

and please allow me to offer a prayer

I will be concluding that prayer with the serenity prayer at which time feel free to join me

god thank you for

allowing us to come together and pray in this way

thank you for providing us a place that we can come together

we would like to thank you for those beautiful twelve steps in that book

thank you for allowing each and everyone of us for being sober during this day

and during this time together we humbly ask for your

care your guidance your wisdom your direction in your love as you walk through the steps

thank god we thank you for that air that you give us a brief today

the food in our stomachs the clothing on our backs in the shelter over our heads

thank god please set aside everything that we think we know about ourselves about the twelve steps about the book about sobriety and about you got

god please help each and everyone of us today to have an open mind so that we may have a new experience and discover the truth

god

green serenity to accept the things I cannot change courage to change the things I can

and there was another difference

comment

thank you

I'm Paul Fisher and I'm an alcoholic

and I'd like to welcome all of you to the

third session of the big book workshop

where we are taking the twelve steps as outlined in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous so that we may recover from our alcoholism and like to welcome each and everyone of you here today

like to congratulate you on your willingness and courage to those of you that complete your four step this week we'll be talking about that in a moment

a couple things to consider

I'm not here to challenge anyone

I'm not here to tell you how you should be doing sobriety

I'm not here to tell you how you should be living your life I'm simply here to share with you my own personal experience and how I was taken through the steps in the beginning and how the steps were taken in the early forties so I'm going to be primarily continuing to stick to what it says in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous and sharing my own experience with you about that

if you have resistance to what's being shared in this workshop I would ask you to consider having an open mind if it's not in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous it's not a

when I work with other alcoholics I only have a couple things to share one of those is my own experience

in what it says in the book and that's it that's all I really have to share is my experience and what it says in the book

so let's see who's going to be rocketed their notice I said rocketed

I didn't say Mosey he ourself full

we're going to be rocketed in other words it's going to be sudden authors mention that throughout the book they talk about suddenly this happened suddenly that happens you know it certainly means

it means without notice

that means my ego is not gonna be knocking on the door and say get ready here we go

you're going to change your thinking is going to be transformed your ideas are going to be modified so it happened suddenly

so everybody who completed the four step would you please stand

okay like to congratulate each and everyone of you you are the ones that are going to be experiencing the promises that we'll be talking about today you are the ones that are being rocketed into the fourth dimension I'd like to welcome you to the fellowship the spirit and congratulations

okay now those of you that did not complete your force that would encourage you to continue coming to the workshop and continue going through the steps and when you get opportunity to do so go ahead and hook up with your sponsor spiritual adviser and do that for stuff because that's part of the path to the freedom that we all seek in these rooms also be aware of those of you that did not complete the force that you will not be experiencing the promises that we're talking about today you see I cannot experience of promises that the authors talk about unless I'm willing to do exactly what the authors have done in this book so if I want what they have so when they talk about experiencing new freedom new peace new happiness new sense of direction I'm not going to express those if I'm not willing to take the actions described in this book

okay

so let's jump right into it

assuming that you did your fourth with the step

we're going to turn to page seventy five

that's eight seventy five

graph two

page seventy five paragraph two what we're going to be doing in the next few minutes he's going over

what we need to do after we complete

our fifth step

in the event that your sponsor already walked you through this I'm going to ask you walk through it again with the rest of us in the workshop for those of you that were not taken through

the remaining steps

in this way okay paragraph to

the authors say we pocket our pride and go to it

illuminating every twist of character every dark cranny of the past

once we have taken this step withholding nothing we are delighted

we can look the world in the US we can be alone at perfect peace and ease our fears falls from us we begin to feel the nearness of our creator we may have had certain spiritual beliefs but now we begin to have a spiritual experience the feeling that the drink problem has disappeared will often come strongly we feel we are on the broad highway walking hand in hand with the spirit of the universe

these are the fifth step promises as we mentioned in an earlier session

that there are not twelve promises in this book there are many many promises these are the first step promises here's something to consider the authors are saying once I've taken this step providing I withhold nothing I'm going to be delighted

that doesn't mean I'm excited about what I'm sharing with you in my inventory but M. I'm delighted about the work I'm doing

now if I'm not delighted

I can shut the book and stop there

because that's exactly what my first ones are there with me I did my first inventory he said are you delighted I said no

the ask a couple other questions do you feel that you can look the world in the article no do I feel alone perfect PC needs no I my fears falling from me no that begin to feel thing here's my creator no he shut the book

each of the books that that's it that's it what do you mean that's it we need to go on and do the other step they said no he says it says right here once we've taken a step withholding nothing we are delighted he said you left something else no I didn't yeah you did about three days later I get a call and say you know there was this one thing

there was this one little thing that I forgot to mention in invariably

that has been my experience with people I've taken through the steps they get to this point they're not delighted it's because

there's something they're still holding onto because the authors are telling you look outward withholding nothing we are delighted

these are the promises of doing this is that now my only experience with the inventory was this was the first

not first

but rather most impactful relationship or rather most impactful experience I had with god

again they have a much more impactful experience when I did my four step

because for the first time in my life I was able to sit down with another human being and tell them about all the stuff that I had done all the hard way because other people all the secrets that I had concealed

these are all the things that were blocking me from god so you see when I'm willing to disclose that to another person I am going to be delighted and I started to experience what it says the next sentence they could be alone a perfect piece Anne's

so consider that if you're not delighted about what you're doing there's probably something you're leaving out

the last sentences as we feel we're on the road highway walking hand in hand with the spirit of the universe

how many times have you been in meetings and heard the topic

let me hear your experience with being with the spirit of the universe

but I don't see any hands going up

it's right there in the book

they're telling us this is what we're going to experience

this isn't about knowledge this is isn't about information this is something we're going to experience I'm going to begin experiencing

walking hand in hand with a severity universe what's that like for you

so if I don't have that experience I can't transmit it

if I have an experience it I certainly can't talk about it

so if you're having experience of walking hand in hand with the spirit of the universe I encourage you to take that experience back to your meetings and tell people about it share your experience about walking hand in hand with the spirit of the universe now

I would have resistance when I would hear people talking about these things in meetings and the reason I had resistance to it is because I was not having that experience

so if you share an experience that I haven't had

my mind is going to have resistance to it that's not possible

he's not really walking hand in hand with the spirit of the universe he's just like the rest of us he's a drunk just like me well of course

but I'm here to tell you when we take the steps

in the way that they were done in the forties

your sobriety is going to look really different because that's what happened to me my sponsor took me through the steps very quickly

see you cannot take anybody through the steps to quickly but I'll tell you what you can take them through to slowly Sam the real log a holic I need to get through the steps as quickly as possible because I need to get that power and I need to get to it now

because I need power because I'm a real alcoholic

so consequently people like us over with

some of them didn't get around to doing a four step so there were six seven eight nine ten months

I wasn't superior to those people all I'm saying is that my sobriety looked really different I felt really different than they did they struggled much longer than I did

because when I went all the way through the steps I had a spiritual awakening

the compulsion to drink was removed

okay next paragraph here the authors are giving a specific instructions on what to do when we finish our first step returning home

he does after we do this it doesn't say

you know take a week or two to consider what you did

it it

it doesn't say go to a movie

you know there's a go take a bubble bath and relax you've done a good job

you know this is returning home no that just finished my fist at returning home we find a place we can be quiet for an hour carefully

reviewing what we have done

carefully reviewing that's why we don't burn our four step I can't tell you how many times I've heard that meetings yeah I get all my force that was wanted to go ahead and burn it

why I need that inventory for future reference

then they ask us

to say a prayer

this is we thank god from the bottom of our hearts that we know him better so if I'm gonna thank god that means I'm a super

it's only carefully review what I've already done that I'm gonna say prayer thank god from the bottom of my heart that I know him better taking this book down from our shelf we turn to the page which contains a twelve step that means I'm a flip back to page fifty nine

carefully reading

doesn't say read carefully reading the first five proposals we ask

if I'm going to ask that super

we ask if we have omitted anything for we are building an arch through which we shall walk a free man it laughs so you see if I'm gonna be free if I want that freedom these are the instructions that are necessary for me to fall

another words I'm gonna turn back to page fifty nine and I'm gonna take the first five steps and I'm gonna take them and turn them into questions

have I admitted that I have no power over alcohol

have I admitted that my life is a manageable in other words I need a new manager

and then I'm going to review step to

have I come to believe that a power greater than me can restore me sandy

the number to go to step three someone asked that question have I made the decision to turn my world my life over the care of god as I understand it

step four have I made a searching and fearless moral inventory

step five have I admitted to myself to god another person the exact nature of my roles and then they're going to ask us to consider further questions

I was taught that wherever there is a question mark in the book it's like a stop sign and stop them and I'm going to ask that question is our works also far so stop and ask yourself that is your works also for

are the stones properly in place

have you skipped on the cement put into the foundation

have we tried to make mortar without sand

these are the things we will consider in this hour

then we turn the page

then the authors say if

big word if we can answer to our satisfaction within look at step six

we have emphasized a willingness as being indispensable

do you know what indispensable means

is I can't live without it

in other words my willingness is indispensable

here comes the question are we now ready to let god removed from us all the things which we have admitted our objectionable that which is objectionable is that which blocks me from god when a block from god and block from you

so let's ask that question over of ourselves are you now ready to let god

see I have to be willing to let god remove the

so if there's something that I want you to take let's say I have this this bottle of water up here let's say I want you to take this bottle of water and I bring it to you and I handed to you and you grab a hold of it but I don't like go

you could be stronger than me you could be more powerful than the you could be bigger than me but if I'm not willing to let go of that bottle you can't remove it

so you see step six is about getting ready

the six step is preparing us to ask god to remove it so that's all we're doing is that six is getting ready then another question can he now take them all every one

as a question can you take a mall

if we still cling to something we will not let go we ask god to help us be willing there's a prayer if you have some resistance we ask god

the authors even give us a clue the step six is about getting ready and the very next paragraph they say Wynne read me

so I have to make sure I'm ready okay so am I ready okay let's move on sept seven when ready we say something like this my creator I am now willing to you should have all of me

good and bad

not someone me not the worst parts not the majority of me but all of me good and bad

I pray that you now removed from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to my fellow elves grant me strength as they go out from here to do your bidding in we have then completed step seven

this is the reason we need to be specific about what we're asking god to remove

my own experience is that if I'm not specific hello I don't know

literally what it is I'm asking him to remove

you can't remove it now that doesn't necessarily mean that he will remove it

because I'm not god

I don't know when he's going to remove it

my job is simply to identify specifically what I want him to remove

you notice that my name isn't anywhere in these two paragraphs

it's not in there is it

see see I'm not working on my defects here heard that yes I'm working on my defects of character certainly if if you hear me saying I'm working on my defense really what I'm saying is I'm going to embellish the

it it it it

the more work on my defects the worse they get

that doesn't mean I don't make a conscious effort to be honest sincere helpful willing thoughtful

sure go ahead and make an effort in those areas you see these steps are paradoxical

I don't remove the defects I simply do the work and leave the results to the god of my understanding

so you see it's impossible for me to work on my defects if I'm applying the spiritual principles

okay let's see who's ready to do six and seven and what I'm going to ask is that we read the seven step prayer

I love together

so those of you that are willing to do so and that you and you feel that you are ready

to let god remove all these things that have blocked you from him

let's go ahead and say the seven step per together

my creator

I am now willing that you should have all of me good and bad

I pray that you remove from me the single defect of character who stands in the way of my usefulness view files

Randy strains as well from here zero

congratulations

okay now with complete step seven let's move on the steps eight and nine

let's turn back to page fifty nine let's read those deaths

age fifty nine let's go down to step eight

where it says made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all

seven nine made direct amends to such people wherever possible except when to do so would injure them or others okay back here on page seventy six

paragraph three

back here on on page seventy six paragraph three

notice what they offer is immediately say after we've taken the seven step

they say now we need more action

without which we find that faith without works is dead let's look at steps eight and nine we have a list of all persons with harm and to whom we are willing to make amends we made it when we took inventory

wow

to see what they're saying

if you haven't bring your force that you already have your men's list completed

it

it says it right there it says we have it doesn't say we construct or develop a list is is we have a list to see if I'm doing the inventory as outlined in this book I already have a list

since we made it when we took inventory it's already there

they go on to say we subjected ourselves to a drastic self appraisal now we go out to our fellows and repair the damage done in the past week camp to sweep away the debris which has accumulated out of our effort to live on self will and run the show ourselves if we haven't the will to do this we ask in telecoms remember it was agreed at the beginning we would go to any lengths for victory over alcohol

so if I'm gonna go out and repair repair means to Mandel restore

two men to restore numbers I'm going to attempt to mend or restore the damage that I have cost

okay page seventy seven

third line from the top of the page page seventy seven third line from the top of the page our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to god and the people about us here the others are telling me what my real purpose in life is

not my purpose in a game but my purpose in life

it doesn't say to be of maximum service

this is to fit ourselves to be at maximum service in other words I have purpose and meaning for life today I didn't have that when I first came into a holic synonymous

I had no sense of purpose I had no sense of meaning for life life didn't have any meaning I thought it was over

now I have purpose wow

from that line let's go down

seven lines

go down seven lines from where we just read

but our man is sure to be impressed with a sincere desire to set right the wrong that means I'm going to attempt to right the wrong

in order to do that it's going to be necessary for me to ask what can I do to right the wrong because that's why I'm there

let's go the next paragraph

next paragraph

line for

next paragraph line for

the question of how to approach the man we hated will arise it may be he has done us more harm than we have done him and though we may have acquired a better attitude toward him we are still not too keen about admitting our faults nevertheless with the person we just like we take the bit in our teeth

it is hard to go to an enemy then to a friend we find it much more beneficial to us we go to him in a helpful

and for giving spirit confessing our former ill feeling and expressing our regret

the experience that comes to mind is

the word arrogance kept coming up in my inventory shin I finally face the reality that in order to be free from that it was necessary for me to go back and make amends to every single person I knew in a they have been affected by Americans and I did not want to do that

I still don't like making immense

I make them

because I want to be free

saw him than hard and there was this one person in a who I felt didn't really deserve my men's because he was much more arrogant than me

so I went ahead and humbled myself and I went to the guy

and admitted I was wrong in treating him the way that I had

and that my arrogance of causing harm when I got to the party in men's were asked is there anything I can do to write this with you and he responded with nana watching you grovel was enough for me

you see but by that time

I ended up laughing right along with him you see it's important for us to not take ourselves too seriously and I'll tell you why it's it's essential that we not take ourselves too serious

and that's because we are the joke

the general

you won't have that experience if you don't do the steps

okay

last paragraph on page seventy seven

last paragraph on page seventy seven under no condition do we criticize such a person or argue simply we tell him that we will never get over drinking until we have done our utmost to straighten out the pass we are there to sweep off our side of the street realizing that nothing worthwhile can be accomplished until we do so never trying to tell him what he should do his faults are not discussed we stick to our own if our manner is called Frank and open we will be gratified with the result I'm not there to talk about them I'm not there to talk about their wrongs

when I go out to make it in the end I won't on their to do one thing and one thing only and that is to make an amount

so if you're going to make an unmanned and then when you get done you think okay now there's something I need to share with you okay now I get them in and out of the way and I share that with you and then I turn to the person say oh by the way there's some feelings I need to share with you

right need to confront you about some behavior of yours

I can guarantee you it will dilute the amount

because that's not what it says here see I'm there to sweep off my side street you see it doesn't matter how people respond

it does not matter whether they accept or reject the imminent I am there for one reason only to clean up my side of the street so I can be clean and I can be right with my god and I can be right with you so I see it doesn't matter if you reject mine that

it does not matter that's not why I am there I'm not doing it there to please you to maintain your friendship to get you to like me

to give me some strokes Pat me on the back

I can tell you what will happen

when the when our motives aren't clear

my my wife did something to me one day and I resented it

I felt she owed me a man

and I instantly recognized that I needed to make or amend as well so I decided well if I go make an international make one to me right

so I go to internet and and you know I make this poetic and then

and I go to her and I make this a man

if she doesn't change

so then I walked off

pissed off

I mean I humbled myself what kind of a program that she worked and she didn't make amends to me

and then it hit me that my motives were dishonest on my god now I gotta go back and make amends for the way I made a man's now keep in mind at this time I had no expectations of moments of her

because I was clear

about the motives for making that a minute so I went back there and made amends for the wear and maintenance and since I got down she says oh yeah by the way

having a minute like to make you

page seventy eight paragraph to

page seventy eight

have to

most alcoholics money we do not Dodger creditors telling them what we are trying to do we make no bones about our drinking

they usually know it anyway whether we think so or not nor are we afraid of disclosing our alcoholism on the theory it may cause financial harm

coach in this way the most ruthless creditor will sometimes surprise us

ranging the best deal we can we let these people know we are sorry our drinking has made a slow to pay we must lose our fear of creditors no matter how far we have to go

for we are liable to drink if we are afraid to face the

so here the others are telling us it's OK to let the person know that you're sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous he's been slow to pay

the experience that comes to mind is

I committed an armed robbery when I was drinking

and there were two of those involved in it

now the question is

am I entitled to go back to that Taco Bell and tell them my crime partner's name

not according to what the authors instruct

so I was asked that an inevitable question by my sponsor how free do you want to be

I don't know if only there for a

what happened was I had the money in hand and I went back to talk about

when I walked in of course the management had changed and I walked in and I let them know who I was hi my name's Paul Fisher on the sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous and in order for me to stay sober

it's essential that I go back and I correct all the wrongs that I've committed by the way hi I didn't mention my my grandfather's name because the truth was I did commit the crime

arrive you store and and I believe this is the amount of money that I took and I handed him the money his first reaction was you know I could call the police I said I'm aware of that he said I don't believe you're doing this why are you here so I re iterated one more time I'm a sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous and in order for me to stay sober it's essential that I right all the wrongs that have committed allies I will stay sober

so I just can't believe I've never heard of such a thing

to all you people do this

I wasn't going to answer that question

because I'm a spokesman for a anywhere I go I'm a spokesman for a I asked him if there was anything else I could do said no this this is fine this this is great

and on the Freeman today

see that doesn't hang over my head anymore

okay age seventy nine

page seventy nine paragraph one

page seventy nine paragraph one

although these reparations take innumerable forms there are some general principles which we find guiding reminding ourselves that we have decided to go to any lengths to find a spiritual experience we ask that we be given strength and direction to do the right thing no matter what the personal consequences may be we may lose our position or reputation or face jail but we are willing we have to be we must not shrink at anything

notice that the authors say that these take numer innumerable forms there are a lot of creative ways we can make immense

working with a sponsor who has experience in going through these steps repeatedly who has experience with making amends sponsors can be very creative

there was a group of people that I owed money to in another state

it was a large four figure amount of money

so what I did was I wrote a letter general service delivery in that town hoping to contact these people because I did I did I did no work how to find them

and I I didn't get a response so I felt well I'm done with that one you know

if the opportunity presents itself I'll make that and then

and I took that back to my sponsor news well let's hold on a minute

and then I guess that question he said how free you want to be I hate whenever he starts any conversation with how free you want to be I knew some is in store that I'm not gonna lie

it's not going to suit my ego so yes the question as a yeah

willing to go to any length he said by the way when you took that money

do those people belong to the same universe that you do

city L.

this is so not only did you take money from those people you took money from our university city L.

Sidwell

do any of it back and I said yeah so okay this is what we're gonna do

is it every time you go to a meeting and the seventh edition basket comes around you're gonna put at least a ten or twenty dollar bill in there and you're not allowed to let anybody see you do it and you're not allowed to tell anyone I'll tell you man that was really hard because that basket came around I wanted to snap a twenty dollar bill known everybody you know what a generous little he I was being

did you see how generous I look here I'll put a twenty dollar bill in there I'm so big hearted and it was difficult so what I did was I maintained a written record of the amount of money until it's paid off he instructed me not to tell anybody for five years

so for the first five years sobriety I couldn't tell us all about that so you see sponsors can be very creative

a couple of other examples I sponsor a guy who committed cruelty to animals what he did is he went to an animal shelter and did some volunteer work

another guy was cruel to women he ended up going back to a woman shelter and doing some volunteer work

just recently I sponsor guy and I had him go to a woman that I selected

and to sit down with her because he this person had committed harm to a number of nameless women he didn't know their names so I had him sit down with this woman and making amends to her so it's either a lot of creative ways that we can make amends

okay P. seventy nine paragraph to

eight seventy nine paragraph to

usually however other people are involved therefore we are not to be the hasty in foolish martyr who would needlessly sacrificed others to save himself from the alcoholic it

in other words we need to be considerate of who may be affected by this

that's why the step nine it says may die recommends wherever possible except when to do so would injure them or others so I need to consider that is this a man going to cause more harm

if so I do not make that admin directly to that person

in other words I'm not allowed to go back and make amends is someone

at their expense just so I can relieve myself of my own guilt and shame

okay page eighty

page eighty

paragraph one page eighty eight paragraph one before taking drastic action which might implicate other people we secure their consent if we have obtained permission

these are the instructions if we have obtained permission have consulted with others

ask god to help and the drastic step is indicated we must not shrink

so I need to consider or other people going to be affected for example on merit

I need to make a financial man I said I I there's a there's an ideal payment arrangement in my head

I need to sit down with my wife and go over it with her you know there's a financial man I need to make

how's that going to affect our budget

see see I was entitled to mention my crime partner's name when I made that a man

because I'm not there to satisfy myself at the expense of someone else so here the authors are giving a specific instructions with obtain permission

we've consulted with others in other words I'm not off running up I'm not out there running on my own doing this no so much check it out with my sponsor

okay

paragraph four on page eighty

paragraph four line for

AJT paragraph four line for

he saw that he had to place the outcome in god's hands or he would soon start drinking again

see I'm there to do god's work this is part of god's work when I made that decision to step three to turn my world life of the care of god as an upstanding simply means I'm going to do god's work what does that mean that means I'm gonna go up and clear up the wreckage of my past and present if you have any

so I can be free so I can be of service to other people and I'm a place the outcome in god's hands I didn't know what was going to happen when I went back to that Taco Bell

I didn't know

I didn't know what was going to happen as a result of putting that money in the basket all I know is it was necessary for me to place the outcome in god's hands

there was another man I made

years after the fact

where they owed a music store

a bunch of money for some equipment that I had bought on the installment plan

which had never paid for

the at the time I committed the harm they didn't have computers

I call the music store

identified myself hi my name's Paul Fisher so with member of a a blah blah blah blah blah

the guy as well when was this and I gave in the the estimated year he said hold on a minute they put me on hold for fifteen twenty minutes

he came back and said we can't find any record

I said are you sure I said I'm certain that I owe you this money so who put me on hold again for ten more minutes come to find out he ended up going it up to the attic

and they had these little index cards were they maintain the records for the money that people all of them he came back on the phone the second time he said I don't believe you're making this call why are you doing this this makes nobody's ever done this why are you doing this I reiterated to him I'm a sober alcoholic today in a and if I don't make this a man I'm not going to stay sober

and then he asked me well how much money would you like will how do you want to handle it

as it will likely for dissing you X. amount of dollars a month with that that'll be fine with us to be great

it happened as a result of going to them in a humble forgiving spirit as the authors have instructed us to do in this chapter