Paul F. from Pheonix, AZ leading a Big Book Workshop taking people through the 12 steps as done in the 1940s at Solutions Halfway House in Pheonix, AZ

would you please help me open today's session

with a moment of silent meditation and please allow me to offer a prayer after that prayer I will be concluding with the serenity prayer

at which time feel free to join me

god thank you for allowing us to come together and pray in this way and thank you for providing us for place we may come together

we would like to thank you for allowing each and everyone of us from being sober during this day I thank you for those beautiful twelve steps in that book

I thank you for the error that you give us degrees

that food in our stomachs not clothing on our backs in the shelter over our heads

and today god we humbly ask for your direction care wisdom guidance and love as we walk through the steps and god please set aside everything that we think we know about ourselves the steps the books sobriety in you god and god please help each and everyone of us today to have an open mind so that we may have a new experience and discover the truth

god

Hey to accept the things I cannot change

is change the things I can

was the difference I'm Paul Fisher and I'm an alcoholic welcome to the second session of the big book workshops were today will be going through steps two three and four

where we have an opportunity to walk through the twelve steps as outlined in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous so that we may be freed from our alcoholism is there anybody here wants to be free

I don't see anybody razor and they did not want to be free

Celestica lysis get rolling here into this thing starting with step to pick up where we left off last week let's turn to page fifty nine and let's read step two

where it says came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity

now when I first took

the second step

I had expectations for

I had I had expectations of being returned to sanity

and I was greatly disappointed when I was nine

because I thought that that's what the second step meant that I would be returned to sandy but notice that the authors say could

restore us to sanity and to give you a glimpse of what to look forward to when I jump ahead just for a moment and turn to page eighty four

page eighty four paragraph three page eighty four paragraph three now at this time in the book

we are at step can

so when we get to step ten which implies we've already done an inventory

we've taken the exact nature of our wrongs to god in step six and seven

we've compiled a list of people we've harmed and we're actively making amends so providing we have done that this is what we are going to experience a step ten notice what it says in the paragraph and we have sis finding anything or anyone even alcohol four by this time sanity will have returned

the whole

if you're anything like me and you have the delusion that you're going to meet your standards will be returned simply by choosing a a power greater than yourself I was gravely mistaken when that happened so just keep that in mind let's turn to page forty four page forty four is a chapter we agnostics this chapter is entirely devoted to step two

notice what the authors have to say in in the first paragraph says in the preceding chapters you have learned something about Hollis and we hope we have made clear the distinction between the alcoholic and non alcoholic notice where they pick up right where we left off on page forty three the authors are recapping what we've learned up to this point in other words MI clear on what a real alcoholic is in my clear on what a non alcoholic

if when you honestly want to you find you cannot quit entirely or if when drinking you have little control over the amount you take you are probably alcoholic if that be the case you may be suffering from an illness which only a spiritual experience will conquer here the authors one more time are emphasizing what is the real alcoholic and that's a solution for being a real alcoholic

the spiritual

so let's turn it into a question consider that for yourself

are you willing to believe that you may be suffering from an illness which only a spiritual experience will conquer consider that for a moment

in other words do you have the power to conquer your alcoholism

do you have the power to not drink

keeping in mind what we discussed last week about conceding to our innermost selves that we don't have any power I'm a real alcoholic as described on page twenty one

and the Alcoholics Anonymous is not about not drinking

I thought it was

how can you people didn't show me how not to drink because that's not what it's about

as a result conceding to mayor mill self that I have no power then I have a desire to seek a power greater than me providing I had a first up experience see see if I don't have the first experience there's no desire to seek any power why do it

so if I'm still clinging to the idea that I have some choices left

and then I can just simply choose another drink we'll see if I could simply choose one of my doing here

if I could just simply choose to drink or not drink one of my doing going day and one more time if you believe that you have that power to choose why didn't you exercise that power before now

I can't tell you how many times I've worked with guys take them through the steps and I hear the response

let's just stop drinking a lot of times

really then how can you drink again

listen to the statement having the power to choose to quit to stop if I'm gonna quit or stop that means I'm gonna quit and sign up

I mean I will pick it up again that's not quitting that's not stopping okay page forty five paragraph one

page forty five paragraph one lack of power one more time to re emphasizing this again and again lack of power that was our dilemma we have to find a power by which we could live in it had to be a power greater than ourselves obviously but where and how were we to find this power in a moment we're going to answer those two questions

so I have in my book underlined how

and where

so in a moment we're going to find out where we're going to find this power

and how we're going to find a total of about this book

a simple set of instructions okay now I've had a personal experience I have a desire to see some power because my life is on manageable I wanted to improve I have to find some power where am I going to find it

maybe I can find it new in her in that boat and then money neck car net job right

maybe

I don't know next paragraph well that's exactly what this book is about its main object is to enable you to find a power greater than yourself which will solve your problem

they're telling us right here with the main object the book is now I'm not the smartest kid on the block but I did put this much together okay

if the purpose if the object of the book is to enable me to find a power greater than myself which will solve my problem know what is my problem

it tells me on page twenty three what my problem is it's my thinking it's not I'll call

ocal was my solution that's what it was for me it became a problem but it was my solution to see my main problem isn't drinking it's my thinking

so the others are telling me that the object the book is to find a power that's going to help me with that now

they're talking about finding a god of my understanding not yours not my father's not the clergy's but mine so consider this if the main object of the book is to enable me to find a god of my understanding what's the purpose of the twelve steps considering they are contained in the book

it's defined a god of my understanding that is the purpose of the twelve steps

let's answer those questions the the where in the house turn to page fifty five

age fifty five paragraph two page fifty five paragraph two actually we were fooling ourselves for deep down in every man woman and child is the fundamental idea of god

while it's inside of me

it may be obscured by calamity by palm by worship of other things but in some form or other it is there for faith in a power greater than ourselves and miraculous demonstrations of that power in human lives our fax as old as man himself

isn't that beautiful

that's where I'm going to find it that's what I'm going to find my higher power my understanding of god is not gonna be out there so I can be up in the sky it's gonna be inside

the authors continue by saying we finally saw that faith in some kind of gun was a part of our make up

just as much as the feeling we have for France sometimes we have to search fearlessly

but he was there

he was as much a fact as we were we found the great reality deep down within us in the last analysis it is only there

he may be found it was sold with us

so clear and precise

where I'm gonna find it deep inside of me how my gonna find it by searching fearlessly keep in mind to to do something fearlessly does not mean absence of fear

it simply means I can be afraid of something but I go ahead and do it anyway or try it that's a search fearlessly

illustrate that I have a friend who's a fireman and I asked him one day what's that aren't you afraid to go into that building he said absolutely I'm terrified the what do you do it

this is because those people need help

see see he has the courage

to go into the burning building even though he may be afraid something to consider if there is no fear involved there's no need for courage

how many people bursar teeth this morning I don't there's anybody okay

he

but you see what I'm saying did it didn't require any courage to brush your teeth there was no fear involved in that was there how many people as usual has how many people are afraid to do a force that first time you did

same here I was afraid to go ahead and did it why because I was willing to search fearlessly

let's turn to page forty six

page forty six paragraph one line three page forty six paragraph one line three

we found that as soon as we were able to lay aside prejudice and express even a willingness to believe in a power greater than ourselves we commence to get results

while that's a promise

even though it was impossible for any of us to fully define comprehend that power which is god we haven't done anything

all I've done is step one is conceded to my normal self that I have no power I cannot

reduce the spiritual experience for myself

no one doing in step two is becoming willing

that's all I'm doing is step two

in my willing to believe in something more powerful than me to hear the authors are telling us that as soon as we're able to lay aside this prejudice and even makes an express even a willingness are not even asking us to believe

so if you don't have to believe just a willingness to believe

that I convinced to get results do not commence means it means to begin

I must be slow because I've been beginning for over twenty years

I'm still committed to get results well that's great

and it's impossible for any of us to fully define or comprehend that power which is god okay consider this in order for me to fully understand god is to be god

so will I ever fully understand god

no the god of my understanding I will never fully understand another thing that I've experienced in sobriety is that it is impossible for me to get closer to god

how many times have you heard people say yelling get closer to god

we just read on page fifty five were my gonna fine this fundamental idea of got deep inside of me hi can I get any closer than that

it's impossible to get any closer than that it may be obscured by palm worst of other things etcetera etcetera now as a result of doing the disciplines and in doing repeated step work I may have a deeper understanding

I may have a deeper relationship with the god of my understanding but I'm not really any closer can't get any closer than that next paragraph

much to our relief we discover we did not need to consider another conception gone

doesn't have to match someone else's

our own conception however inadequate was sufficient to make the approach into effect a contact with him

as soon as we admitted the possible existence of a creative intelligence a spirit of the universe underlying the totality things we began to be possessed of a new sense of power and direction provided we took other simple steps

you know what possessed means

driven

I'm going to be driven once again we haven't even take any of the action steps already others are promising me by having a simple willingness to believe

I'm going to be driven by a not since the power news sense of power

that means power unlike anything I've ever experienced before new direction

not direction but a new sense of direction I'm gonna find myself going in a different way than I did before provided I took other simple steps

paragraph one page forty seven

paragraph one page forty seven when therefore we speak to you of god we mean your own conception of god

what's most important here is that it makes sense to you

doesn't have to make sense to me

the god of my understanding doesn't have to make sense to my sponsor doesn't have to make sense to the aid group I belong to

but rather it makes sense to me

in early sobriety I was having some difficulty and was having a problem with this god thing and ended up talking to this old timer after the meeting

he said here why don't you borrow my my higher power for the weekend I said okay you can do that

I can borrow your guns for we get he said well he's been keeping these over twelve years I think you can spend a little time for you I said okay

that was over twenty years ago they have the same guy

it's the same god

is an amazing this guy let me borrow his god and I still have the same guy with me today what's important is that it made sense to me now something to consider before we move on to step two that's essential that it be a power greater than me it cannot be something that I can destroy or something that I have power over

I've heard some pretty funny things in meetings about people's choice of higher power

I've heard people say you could call the doorknob

you could call it a rock

let's imagine that you have a great big rock in your backyard by the way this is based on a true story they heard from we got hit he had this huge boulder in his backyard said yep that's my higher power

okay

let's put that to the test let's put that rock in the steps okay

candidly that Iraq could restore me sanity step two huh that's interesting let's see step three made decision to turn our will and our lives of the care of the rock as I understood it

let's see step five admitted to my rock to myself another human being the exact nature of our wrongs

it Ellison to step six one hundred ready to have my rock remove all these defects are geared

look you'll be careful where you use this example you want to do you don't want to use this particular example cocaine anonymous okay all right

it it it it it it would

but this is AA okay we can do it here okay not used to talk about it okay right

but check this one out step seven humbly ask my rock to remove my shortcomings

certainly okay let's let's jump down here look what it says enough step eleven sought through prayer meditation approve our conscious contact with my rock as I understood it paying only for the knowledge of my rocks will for me in the power to tear it out

hello

oh boy forget so easily muse Arlie I need no one to entertain me up there

me in my mind it we're just having a gala time the point is make sure it's a power greater than you

I use women for a while that didn't work very well

so all we're being asked is to have a willingness to believe a power greater than us in other words a god of your understanding

remember what we assessed in step one that we admitted that there was very little hope for us unless we had an entire psyche change

and that no human power could produce at the Centro psyche change so that means I need to find a power okay page forty seven

paragraph two

page forty seven

paragraph two

we needed to ask ourselves but one short question do I now believe are and might even willing to believe that there is a power greater than myself

as soon as a man can say that he does believe or is willing to believe we emphatically sure hand that he is on his way

it has been repeatedly proven among us that upon the simple cornerstone a wonderfully effective spiritual structure can be built

when N. Mason is building

an arch out of brick the very first break that they put in place is called the cornerstone

the outcome of that arch is contingent it's dependent upon the positioning of that very first brick

see see that's our cornerstone our cornerstone is simply having a willingness to believe in the power greater than ourselves

let's turn to page fifty three

page fifty three paragraph two page fifty three paragraph two

when we became alcoholics crushed by a self imposed crisis we could not postpone or a they we had to fearlessly faced the proposition that either god is everything or else he is nothing god either is or he isn't what was our choice to be

a couple of questions to consider

did I become alcoholic

was I crushed by a self imposed crisis in other words I did it to myself you didn't do it to me she didn't do it to me the employer didn't do it

I did it to me

that I couldn't postpone a rebate

so here the authors are asking us to consider

making a choice

in my willing to make that choice that either god is everything or is nothing and there's even a question mark in that last sentence

which indicates that the stop sign that means when I see a question mark in the book that means I stop and answer the question so what is my choice to be guys either everything or is nothing

so these are the questions that we're going to consider with step two so this is what we're gonna do

I'm gonna ask that everybody stand we're going to ask two questions

do I now believe or am I even willing to believe that there is a power greater than myself

so I mean I'm I'm either going to answer that yes or no yes I do believe or don't the second question is what is my choice it's got everything Z. nothing I will start after you respond please be seated

yes I am willing to believe in god is everything

source yes I'm

yes I

yes I

yes

yes yes

yes I want to believe in god

yes I am

just a moment

yes I believe in god mostly

so

historically

I'm leaving a message or

we live in the US and

willing to leave yeah

yeah finally got everything yes I

I believe that

yes I

yes

yeah yeah these are

yes

S. as in Sam yeah

yes

yes

yeah

yes

Johnson yes

yeah

really

those will be out of

I am

yes

yeah

graduation

okay let's move on to step three please turn to page fifty nine

age fifty nine and we'll read step three

I made a decision to turn our will and our lives or the care of god as we understood him

first paragraph on page fifty eight

paragraph one page fifty eight

for this alcoholic this is the most important thing for me to hear every meeting I

forces rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly follow our path

notice that there is no es on path

have you heard there are a lot of different ways you can do this program

that's not what that's on my books as you know thoroughly means according to Webster's dictionary it means to complete

so in other words if I want to experience what the authors are experiencing when they talk about new power new peace new happiness new direction

being happy joyous and free

being in a position of neutrality safe and protected the problem has been removed I stopped fighting everybody and everything I have to be willing to do what the authors are doing

if I'm not willing to do that I will not it's guaranteed

I've had personal experience with it

not thoroughly following this path

working half measures in the rooms of a a

so if I want what they have I have to be willing to do what they're doing then they're going to say those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program here the others are telling me why I don't stay sober

why am I happy joyous and free

because I cannot or will not completely completely give myself the simple program

in other words am I willing to ask god to take it away for good

not just today but for good and I'm going to quit for good

every single person that I've ever taken through the steps and had the same experience that bill Wilson had

this is basically what happened to me the basically the same thing that happened to bill

as a result of going through these steps

I had a spiritual experience

in other words the compulsion to drink was removed I was separated from alcohol

and as a result of that god made a deal with me

he still tell you what I said I will guarantee that you will never ever have to drink again and you'll never have to live the way you have been living

and all I ask is that you take this message of hope and pass it on to others

it's a done deal

to make that kind of a deal with the real alcoholic

because I came in here with the desperation of a drowning man I could not stop drinking I could not stop hurting myself and everybody around me

so when that happened as a result of going through the steps that sounded like a pretty good deal to me

and I'm here to guarantee each and every person in this room that you do not ever have to drink again and you do not ever have to live the way you've been living now it doesn't matter if you're brand new to write if you've been around the rooms for awhile even if you've been around the rooms for a while and you don't like the way your life is going I can guarantee that you don't have to live that way anymore

okay let's go the next paragraph

line three so we're at paragraph two page fifty eight

line three if you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go in a link to get it and then you're ready to take certain steps

so let's turn those into questions notice that the authors aren't saying do you want what we have

that's a thieves model

hi what would you have

I want your stuff that they thieves model that's not what it's saying it's saying if you have the site is notating made a decision

if I decided that I want what you have I'm making a decision I'm going to do what you're doing

so the people that are new in this round we go to meetings in Houston you see people with long term sobriety and they seem to be enjoying life

to have what they have you have to be willing to do what they're doing

so I have to ask myself the question did and I did and I made that decision and are willing to go to any length to get it doesn't say most links a lot of the Linksys as anyway

turn that into question

are you willing to go to any length

then goes on to say then you were ready to take certain steps

I had an experience early on with my sponsor

when I was faced with this proposition

and basically what happened was myself will had taken over my life again and sobriety

and I was experiencing a great deal of of manageability I was suffering I was afraid of misery and depression I didn't feel like I could be a real helped other people

and I don't know which way to turn

and I ended up meeting him at a coffee shop we met there for breakfast in the room it was the breakfast rush hour at this particular restaurant any ask me those questions

are you willing to go to a lake have a spiritual experience yes me I said yes I am so you want to go to any length this is yes I am he said therefore get on your knees and is out right now and ask god for help

and that's what I did

I got on my knees I mean the wages are going back and forth you know dish right next to the kitchen you can hear the clanging of the dishes you know on the hustle bustle of the the morning breakfast rush see I was willing at that point

next time you're having difficulty in sobriety and you're in a public place stop and ask yourself that would I be willing to get on my knees right here right now

and ask god for help because remember I'm a real alcoholic no human power can produce essentials like you change

I don't have the power and you can't give it to me I have to find it from a god of my understanding okay age fifty nine

second line from the top page fifty nine second line from the top

but there is one who has all power that one is god did you notice my name is not in there

he doesn't say but there are two one of them is Paul doesn't say that says there is one

US does say most of the power

does they has majority the powers all the power once again I'm not the smartest kid on the block but I did put this much together if god has all the power how much is really for me

none

I don't have any live our

I am basically a foot soldier that's what I am

the power doesn't originate in me

okay page sixty

page sixty we're gonna read the ABC's

the ABC's on page sixty

eight we were alcoholic in could not manage our own lives

be that probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism see that god couldn't would if you were sought let's turn those into questions

now we're gonna make a shift

now all the others are asking me do I believe

so ask these questions of yourself do you believe you're an alcoholic

do you believe you can't manage your own life

do you believe no human power can relieve your alcoholism

do you believe that god couldn't would if you seek him out

in the very next line the authors say being convinced we were at step three which is that we decided to turn our will and our lives over to god as we understood him

just what do we mean by that and just what do we do being convinced convinced of what

well convinced of ABC's

let's ask that question are you convinced that you're an alcoholic

are you convinced that you can't manage your own life

are you convinced that no human power can relieve your alcohol is

are you convinced that only god can if you seek him out

next the authors say the first requirement

I heard that there were no requirements for step three that's what I heard and yet the office is right here the first requirement is that we be convinced that any life on on self rule can hardly be a success

I'm gonna read this in the first person

to receive some perspective so I'm no longer reading about some guy in a book in his experience but I'm gonna turn it into first person so I can get a personal perspective follow along with me if you will

the first requirement is that I'd be convinced that my life for himself will come hardly be a success on that basis I am almost always in collusion with something or somebody even though my motives are good I try to live by self propulsion I'm like an actor who wants to run the whole show

is forever trying to arrange the lights the valet the scenery and the rest of the players in my own way if my arrangements would only stay put if only people would do as I wished the show would be great

everybody including myself would be please life would be wonderful in trying to make these arrangements I may sometimes be quite virtuous I needy kind considerate patient generous even modest and self sacrificing on the other hand I may be mean egotistical selfish and dishonest but as with most humans are more likely to have very traits

what usually happens show doesn't come off very well I began to think life doesn't treat me right I decide to exert myself more

I become the next occasion still more demanding or gracious as the case may be still the play does not suit me admitting I maybe someone of fall I am sure that other people are more to blame for C. R. I become angry indignant self pitying what is my basic trouble in my not really a cell seeker even when trying to be kind to my not a victim of the delusion that I can rest satisfaction and happiness out of this world if I only managed well

is there not evidence of the rest of the players that these are the things that I want

and do not my actions make each of them was to retaliate snatching all they can get out of the show in my not even in my best moments a producer of confusion rather than harmony

I am self centered ego centric as people like to call it nowadays unlike the retired businessman who rolls in the Florida sunshine in the winter complaining of the sad state of the nation the minister who size over the sins of the twentieth century politicians and reformers who are sure all would be utopia the rest of the world would only behave felt lost a cracker who think society has wronged him an alcoholic who is lost on this locked up whatever my protestations and my most concerned with myself my resentments and myself today or Sam

selfishness self centeredness that I think is a rid of my troubles

driven by a hundred forms of fear self delusion self seeking and self pity I step on the toes of my fellows and they retaliate sometimes they hurt me seemingly without provocation but I am fairly find it at sometime in the past I have made decisions based on self which later placed me in a position to be her

so my troubles I think basically of my own making their rise out of me and I am an extreme example of self will run riot though I usually don't think so

above everything I must be rid of this selfishness

I must or kills me god makes that possible and often seems no wave entirely getting rid of self without his aid I have had moral and philosophical convictions galore but I could not live up to them even though I would have liked to neither could I reduce my self centeredness much by wishing or trying on my own power I had to have god's help

so here on page sixty two in paragraph one into what we have is the problem

the problem is myself which is my cell service my troubles of my own making

we all have issues don't worry

in sobriety I have lots of issues to and you know what mine are there on this page

these are my issues selfish and self awareness so couple of questions to consider are you willing to consider that selfishness and self centeredness is the root of your troubles

are you willing to consider that your troubles are basically their own making

now that being the case I'm gonna show you a short cut

the next time you call and response you want to whine about something just cut the chase in common say Hey I want to whine about me okay

it

instead of complaining about everybody else but I mean check it out I just conceded that selfish and self awareness is the root of my troubles

and that my troubles are basically my own making that being the case and I bring a trouble you who am I complaining about

a complaining about me is that Wilder was

is wild in the others are telling me that I'm driven by a hundred forms if you're self delusion self seeking self pity

now

if I am driven by self delusion how my going to know if I'm self deluded

no it's not a trick question

I'm not going to know

that's like going to a fish and asking it what is water

it will say well you know it's everywhere

that's also delusion is in my life it's everywhere

in other words I'm not going to know when I'm self deluded why because I lack power that's the reason I repeatedly go through the steps and maintain the disciplines of self examination and rely on people around me to hold me accountable

because I'm not capable of knowing when I'm self deluded if I'm driven by self delusion see what a trap it is

yeah I know what I need to do I know it's I know what's best for me certainly

I don't know what's best for me I still don't know what's best for me today after twenty years of sobriety

if I knew what was best for me I wouldn't be maintaining these disciplines

it was not in my plans this over this long

I came here to prove the people these twelve steps do not work that was the purpose of going through the steps of first time I was going to prove to you that they do not work

what that illustrates is it doesn't matter how much disbelief or doubt that I have

by doing the actions of these principles they began to work for me I wasn't working them they begin to work for me by the time I got to the end of the steps I have a spiritual experience the compulsion to drink was removed and my attitude was totally different

I intend on sticking around these rooms I just want to buy a little bit of time to get people off my back stay out of jail

when I got into the steps my thinking changed I want to stick around if I'd known I was gonna be so over this long I would have done a much better job along the way

okay so we have a problem in paragraph one and two now let's look at the solution it's in paragraph three the same page

this is the how and why of it first of all I had to crippling gun

it didn't work next I decided that here after in this drama of life god was going to be my director he is the principal I am his agent he is a father and his child most good ideas are simple and this concept was the keystone here's that arch again the keystone of the new in triumph and arch through which we pass the freedom

a couple of points here keystone in the arch the cornerstone is the first brick the keystone is the brick in the middle of the arch which holds it together so my cornerstone my beginning is my willingness to believe in a power greater than me

in my keystone which is what holds it together

is that I need to stop playing god

do you have a partnership with god today

I thought so at one time in sobriety you what partnership means it means equal position of power

now if he has all the power how can that be a partnership

if you work for someone else to do are you in partnership with your employer

you know I'll probably not you do the work they pay you