Paul F. from Pheonix, AZ leading a Big Book Workshop taking people through the 12 steps as done in the 1940s at Solutions Halfway House in Pheonix, AZ

could you please help me open today's session

with a moment of silent meditation and please allow me to offer a prayer when I conclude that prayer I'll be finishing it with the serenity prayer at which time feel free to join me

yeah

god thank you for allowing us to come together and pray in this way

and thank you for providing us the place that we can come together

we would like to thank you for those beautiful twelve steps in that book I thank you for allowing each and everyone of us for being sober during this day

thank god we thank you for the error that you give us degrees

the food in our stomachs the clothing on our backs and shelter over our heads

we humbly ask for your guidance

your care direction and wisdom as we walk through these twelve steps today

thank god please set aside everything that we think we know about ourselves the book sobriety the steps and your god and god please help each and everyone of us to have an open mind today

so that we may have a new experience and discover the truth

god

grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference in

I'm Paul Fisher and I'm an alcoholic

and I would like to welcome all of you

to the big book workshop where in the next four weeks we will be taking the twelve steps as outlined in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous in order to recover from alcoholism

we will be using the big book exclusively I will not be using

any other tax during this workshop I may make periodic reference to materials that we use to writing the big book

so we are going to be solely relying on the recipe outlined in this book

I will be sharing my experiences with you

with the twelve steps and I'll also be sharing with you information that I've received from various A. A. R. chi this

and a old timers during the time that I've been sober

my experience shows me that

if we follow the recipe in this book

you are guaranteed to be free from alcoholism and basically what that means is that we are guaranteed to have the compulsion to drink removed

and that's what's happened to me as a result of going through the steps

in the early forties

there weren't enough sponsors to go around

and what they did at that time was a put together these sessions

and they would bring people together and they would take them through these four one one hour or one half hour sessions and take them through the twelve steps

now at that time they did this before they took them to their first meeting

look back at what it was like when you went to your first meeting remember all of the Greek that you're hearing in meetings

that's what I call it because it sounded like Chinese I don't understand what people are talking about imagine what it would be like

having gone through all twelve steps already having done an inventory

actively making your immense

doing daily prayer and meditation doing a daily evening review

and you go to your first meeting and you fully understand what everybody's talking about

now at that time

they had a seventy five percent success rate in their meetings

especially in the Cleveland and Akron area my understanding is that it is nowhere near that today

the estimations that have been given

range between two and twenty percent

depending on what state you go to

so basically what I'm going to be doing in the next four weeks is I'm simply going to be sharing with you how I was taken through the twelve steps and basically how they did the steps in the early forties

and I was guaranteed that I would be free if I followed the recipe outlined in the book

I'm not going to

I stand here in the next four weeks then at in and challenge anybody I'm not here to challenges I'm not here to tell you how you should be doing the steps how you should be doing sobriety

I simply here to share with you my own experience and how all the instructions are laid out in that book

that's the reason I use what's called the set aside prior to beginning of these sessions

you will find the set aside prayer in its essence in the big book you will not find it verbatim but basically what the set aside prayer does is I'm asking god to set aside everything that I think I know

so whether you are a new or whether

you've been around for awhile

I can guarantee you two things if you will approach these twelve steps with an open mind you are guaranteed

to have a new experience and you'll discover some truth about yourself

it's guaranteed that if you do that

it's very common to see people come into this workshop people with double digit sobriety

being sponsored by someone who's only been so over a couple of months because what we're about to do in a few moments as I'm going to pair you off of someone who is already taken the steps in this way

so we're being asked to have an open mind so it does not matter how long you've been sober if you have not done the steps in this manner I encourage you to have an open mind

it never ceases to amaze me

how many people I'm approached by after these sessions people with long term sobriety

who haven't had the experience that the experience in this workshop is not because what I'm doing is unique it's simply because there is a recipe in this book and if we follow this recipe we will experience with the officer experience providing we do with the authors are doing

this is not a guarantee on making up it's in the book

the book guarantees

so I'm encouraging you to have an open mind

so the first thing we're going to do we're gonna pair everyone off but before we do you have a hand out

entitled for the newcomers and for the sponsors want to go ahead and pull that out

the first section is entitled for the new colors it says your primary obligations is to be here every week if you do not have transportation your sponsor will help you make the necessary arrangements

we realize some of you were in no condition to read the big book at this time therefore

we will read the appropriate parts of the big book to you for those who have who have brought big books and are able to follow along please do so we will announce each passage by page number in paragraph before we read

if you're unable to read the book please participate by listening

keep in mind that if you do what we ask you to do which is to take the steps to subscribe on the big book you will recover from alcoholism

although a written inventory as part of the force that that doesn't mean you have to do the writing the person who is sponsoring you through these sessions can either help you write your inventory or he or she can write it for you the reason that is put in there is because at that time that they had these sessions in the in the early forties there a lot of people who couldn't read never people couldn't write

okay for the sponsors your time commitment to the newcomer is four to five weeks after that both you and the newcomer will be expected to sponsor other people through the sessions during the next month call or visit the newcomer frequently to see how he or she is doing and offer encouragement and moral support

make sure you and the newcomer attend all the sessions together

offered to help the newcomer with his or her four step if necessary right the inventory based on what the newcomer tells you remember the newcomer is still very sick and may not be able to complete the inventory without your assistance

make yourself available to answer any questions the newcomer may have about the a a program

okay so

let's go ahead and pair off everybody that is here to take the twelve steps please stand

okay now they were paired off let's get started

I don't know if you're aware of this but the authors spend forty three pages on step one

we have heard in our meetings that we read the first hundred and sixty four pages correct

there's a lot of good information in those pages

the instructions for taking the twelve steps are contained in the first hundred and three

so out of a hundred and three pages forty three of those pages are devoted to step one

that's almost half of the book you add the eight pages in the doctor's opinion

which is primarily step on

that makes it fifty one pages the authors spend nineteen pages on steps two and three

they devote twenty pages the steps four through nine that's six steps

and then they devote nineteen pages to steps ten eleven twelve

sept well has a whole chapter devoted to

that's pretty interesting isn't

why did the authors devote half of the book to step one my understanding based on my own experience

is because that is the foundation of my sobriety

it's like construction when you build a house the first thing we do is lay down a foundation now if I take short cuts or use faulty materials and the foundation

I'm going to continually have difficulty with the structure

I'm going to be constantly going back repairing the door jams and windows and walls and it's cetera cetera until I go back and establish that foundation

I didn't know that

during the time that I was going to meetings

see I'm a retread

I'm a relapse or

I bounce in and out of these rooms for twelve years

and I went to a lot of meetings

and I couldn't stay sober

not that there was something wrong with your program

now there were a couple of minor details I overlooked it I didn't feel were that important things like the twelve steps

getting a sponsor

reading the book

establishing a relationship with a higher power

see I came in here with the attitude that I was smarter than everybody else in the room

and I can get more out of the out of the program the new into less

I was one of those people who showed up late and left early and I had a lot of opinions

then you needed to hear everyone of that

that's basically what happened was

in that twelve year period I was going to meetings giving opinions on experiences I never had

never did a force that but when the topic for second yeah yeah well this is what I think about the force that

meditation yeah this is what I think about that you know making those means yeah this is what you need to do blah blah blah I had no experience

I had no experience

the thing I love about going through the steps is gaining new experience in hearing your experience

because what that does for me is that gives me hope

can I get a lot of open in conducting this workshop

I receive no money for this

I do this for a couple of reasons number one to give back flow so freely given to me

in to watch others recover right in front of me to watch the spiritual awakening happened and there's no experience that can compare to that

it is truly a beautiful to watch the light will come on watch the compulsion to drink leave

you know it's pretty easy to spot who's doing step work in our meetings

they're pretty easy to spot those people because not everybody is here to take the twelve steps

so every time I go to a meeting at everybody in that room is here to get free but you can always spot those people who are doing step work on a regular basis

they typically show up with new teeth

you know

two jobs that

hair cuts you know talking about how wonderful things are changing in their life

I remember the first time that I went to a meeting and and I I talked about I got a job

we are calling to make such a big deal out of everything where you're supposed to have a job

but it was such a big deal to me I paid my phone bill

I remember being so excited about that and much much more yeah what else is like don't you give that paid my bills

there was a time before you know before I got sober I didn't have any bills

that's because I didn't have anything you know I heard people about losing cars losing homes I couldn't relate to that I didn't have a car didn't have a home

people were telling me to sleep someplace else

so I can relate to that stuff

but the point is

as a result of coming in here and following the recipe in this book my life began to change can you see that's what happened to me when I came back to these rooms in nineteen eighty one

a sponsor found me

I didn't find him

in a game of demeaning only ask me one question

is it do you have a sponsor and I said no he said we do now

we sat down we talked

and after finding out a little bit about my drinking

he knew what direction to take after having some more information about me

basically what he did was he took me through the steps and less six weeks

now the first time I went through the steps

I was convinced that they would not work you see one of the biggest fears I had when I came back to this program in nineteen eighty one was that it was not going to work for me

because I saw it working for you

I could see it in your faces I could see it in your smiles like it here in your laughter and the love the camaraderie in the companionship that you shared in meetings so I was convinced that it was working for you but I was utterly convinced it was not gonna work for me

so that was one of my biggest fears

and then something happened to me when I came back in nineteen eighty one I had an experience that had not occurred before

I became afraid of something I never feared before

and nothing that I became afraid of was me

I became afraid of me for the first time in my life

I was afraid I was gonna screw it up I was gonna mess up the thing

so he took me through the steps and he cut me loose

of course I went to meetings and I got a lot of flak from people

he said you have been sober long enough you need to stay sober at least a year before you can sponsor someone

where does it say that in our book

it has been my experience that it if it is not in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous it is not Alcoholics Anonymous

can you imagine what it would have been like

when bill Wilson carried the message of hope to doctor Bob and Dr Bhat said by the way how long you've been sober

we wouldn't be here you know how long doctor Bob was over when he carried the message to the first suffering alcoholic

two days

he was over two days Dr Bob typically took people through the steps in two days

see they were dealing with people who came in with the desperation of a drowning man

John the real alcoholic that we're gonna be talking about today

I'm not a hard drinker I'm a real alcohol what that means is I need to get through the steps very quickly I need to get to them now because I need to get to that power because I have no power to stay sober and my sponsor

thankfully understood that so he took me through the steps very quickly they got me listed okay now go out and

start taking other people through the steps I was so afraid of friends going to kill someone

he said you have experience with what on how to take the twelve steps you had a spiritual awakening

the compulsion to drink was removed for me for those of you that are new that are going through the steps and you keep wondering when this virtual experience research a waking is going to happen for you just stop and ask yourself this do you have a compulsion to drink

or in your case use

that is the spiritual experience

and that's what happened to me

so that's what we're gonna do today we're gonna be covering step one

in the second session we're going to be covering steps two three and four

in the third session will be covering steps five through nine in in the fourth session we will be covering steps ten eleven twelve you will be doing an inventory with the person you've been paired off with you will not be presenting your inventory in here

so relax

you don't have to share it with all of us just some of us

you know it's important as we get it we do this work you know not to take ourselves seriously and that's what doing is absent on for me in addition to removing the compulsion to drink that it's taught me to lighten up

not take myself so seriously and there's one really important reason why we must not take ourselves seriously

and that is because we are the joke

itself where the punch line okay

okay let's get started you have a handout entitled questions on believes in a

go ahead and pull that up

going over this this is where air against shows itself

there are people in this workshop we have done this workshop before and I think they know the answer to these questions what they don't know is that we have a whole new set of questions

because I'm looking around the crowd and I see a lot of you who don't have a hand on your hand would then this workshop before all I know the answer those questions I don't need that

are we finding

okay what we're going to do

is we're going to answer these true or false

at the beginning of the workshop and at the end of the workshop the purpose of this is to give you an opportunity to examine what you believe to be true these are common things that I've heard in meetings some of them may be true some of them may be false

no need to answer out loud just just go ahead and write down your paper you know true or false I'll go over them quickly if we are planning to stop drinking all we have to do is not drink one day at a time

I've heard a lot of times maybe it's true maybe it's not

once I take the steps I will have a a partnership with my higher power

once I fully understand god I will be free from my alcoholism

true or false the big book is the only book I need to read

I heard that lots of times I wonder if it's true

it is not necessary to do step for more than once or that one a whole lot

maybe it's true

we can win the confidence of another alcoholic by relating to their experiences

our purpose in sobriety is to get back into the mainstream of life

there are many different ways you can work this program

that lots of time maybe that's true

our sobriety is our greatest position

the authors of the big book encourages to drink

I can't be true

this is a a

our main focus needs to be on the alcoholic not on their family

it takes a long time to recover from alcoholism

I've heard that one mind tires right that one must be true

the steps are not required they are suggested

going to meetings and not drinking is vital to our recovery

our common suffering is what holds us together

okay let's see

who wants to be free from alcoholism so nobody here the ones that

yeah

okay we're going to start by turning to the table of contents

and try finding a chapter entitled the twelve promises

the twelve promises did you find that chapter

we're having difficulty finding it

if you're having difficulty finding it it's because it's not in there

I go to meetings and I see those twelve promises up on the wall in those statements give me a lot of hope to do they give you hope

yeah me too

you know I'm gonna be able to handle situations which used to baffling and so on and so forth

so a promises basically any statement that gives you hope because that's what those statements are their statements of hope

turn to the cover page of the book

the cover page where the very first thing on it is Alcoholics Anonymous this is what it looks like

notice what the authors say on this page

Alcoholics Anonymous the story of how many thousands of men and women have recovered from alcoholism does that give you hope

that gives me hope to

what I learned as a result of my sponsor taking me through this list of instructions in this book is I discovered that all the steps have promises with the exception of step one

the promises are not located on page eighty three ninety four

those are called the nights that promises and we'll be talking about those

in the third session

so anytime you go through the book and you find a statement to give you hope that's a promise

okay

we're gonna go to the doctor's opinion

we're going to go to the top the bottom of Roman numeral twenty five which is X. X. V. if you have a fourth edition big book it will be Roman numeral twenty seven

which would be X. X. T. I. if it's a third edition big book it will be a Roman numeral twenty five which is X. X. the

so we're on page Roman numeral twenty five

last line of the page

in here doctor self worth says of course an alcoholic ought to be freed from his physical craving for liquor

physical

so you see craving is not mental it is physical what happens between my ears is called mental obsession

I find it interesting that the big book authors have done an excellent job

of segmenting

the physical aspect of my alcoholism in the mental aspect which is mental session in other words they spend pages one to twenty three on the physical condition of alcoholism and page twenty three to forty three on mental obsession

now if you jump over here to Roman numeral twenty seven

which of the Roman numeral twenty nine in the fourth edition

third line from the bottom of the page so I'm on Roman numeral X. X. V. I. II

doctor Phil court says they took a drink a day or so prior to that to the date

notice what he's saying

he's not saying the person had a craving and drank he said they took a drink and then the phone of creating it once became paramount to all other interests so another words in these two short lines Dr silk worth is letting us know what craving is it's physical it's not mental it's impossible for me to experience creating unless I put alcohol in my body

so let's go back to the page we're on before which is Roman numeral twenty six

exactly I

fourth edition would be

twenty eight

paragraph one he says we believe in sources suggested a few years ago that the action of alcohol on these chronic alcoholic is a manifestation of an allergy well I need to know when an allergy is he's he's he's saying that the alcoholic has an abnormal reaction to alcohol

that's what allergy means I looked it up in the dictionary it means abnormal reaction so what I'm going to be doing in the next four weeks in these sessions is I'm not going to assume that you are an alcoholic that would be arrogant of me to do so

I'm going to give you the dignity of discovering the truth about your own experience

notice I didn't say I'm gonna give you the dignity of discovering your truth

does your truth is anything like mine is pretty distorted

so that's what we're gonna do we're going to be given the dignity of discovering the truth about our drinking syringes let's find out first if we are an alcoholic

let me explain to you why it's essential that we do that

you see if I'm clear about my experience

with drinking

then I can transmit that

then I can help another person gain clarity with their experience with their drinking now let's assume that I haven't been given the opportunity of being taken through the book in this manner

in my sponsor just assumes

that I'm an alcoholic

he's probably going to assume that because he wasn't given the clarity either so you can't blame the sponsor that's why it's absolutely essential that I'll be clear about my own experience because I can't help you gain clarity if I don't have clarity about my own experience

so I found it essential for me to find out what is a great thing this is what my sponsor taught me as a result of going through this book okay so let's look at having a manifestation of an allergy that's an abnormal reaction so what he taught me to do is to take the statements in the book and turn them into questions

so I stop and ask myself the question did I have an abnormal reaction to alcohol

well what's abnormal

have you ever noticed how orgasmic alcoholics are when they find their car

I fell in my car

it was such an orgasmic experience where I was constantly losing my car

and then the following day I would drink again

that does not sound like a normal reaction most people would lose their car it would scare the daylights out of them news at all my goodness I can't do that again I got to stop drinking

I was I was regularly running my car into parked cars that we get out of state who parked that car there

and then drinking it that's an abnormal reaction or my mother was having a gathering at our house and I swore I wouldn't drink I swore I would and I meant it at the time I swear I'm not gonna drink I swear I'll be a good boy and they are causing trouble no the police are not going to be coming to the house again

and I would get there and I would drink again

what would I do the following day I would drink again that's an abnormal reaction so stop and ask yourself did you have an abnormal reaction to alcohol

then he goes on to say that the phenomena of craving is limited to this class

what class the person who has an abnormal reaction to alcohol

and never occurs in the average temperature drinker so what's a craving

it's a longing for

I remember the first time I was asked did you experience creating for alcohol when you drink alcohol no I just wanted more

well that's exactly what a greeting is

I would put alcohol in my body and I would want more alcohol

now through the years that sponsor guys

who would respond to that question in this manner did you have a craving when you drink alcohol well sure I would drink in a grave cooking

see I need to be real clear about something this book was written for alcohol

it was not written for other drugs now

if it applies to your situation then that's wonderful but keep in mind that it was written for alcohol so when Dr silk with this talk about the phenomena creating occurring after we put alcohol in our body he's talking about alcohol it has been my experience that that is the case with cocaine

that is not the case with heroin it's the exact opposite

having use a lot of her own when I was drinking

the drug would wear off I would get sick I would use more harrowing integrating would go away

I would put our call my body I wanted more alcohol

so once again turned that into a question

did you crave alcohol when you put alcohol in your body

and what's really important in this statement he says and never

never means not one time

occurs in the average temperature Rinker

in one sentence Dr silk worth tells me how to determine if I'm an alcoholic

it has nothing to do with the drama my drinking it has nothing to do with how many cars are wrecked how many times I was married how many divorces I had how many times I filed bankruptcy it has nothing to do with that

it has to do with what was my inner experience you see

and bill Wilson care the message of hope to doctor Bob that's what he talked about he didn't talk about the drama of his drinking

he only talked about he talked about his inner experience

he talked about the phenomena creating putting alcohol in his body and wanting more

being in a situation where he had just dried up because they didn't have treatment centers that at that time they had drying out hospitals we go in and detox

he would get out and he was so glad he was sober but the thing he wanted more than anything else was another drink

he talked about the remorse the guilt the shame the regret the hopelessness being full of fear full of anxiety not having any purpose or meaning for life the futility of his existence that's what he talked about C. C. discovering whether or not I mean alcoholic has nothing to do with the drama

as a matter of fact I recall going to meetings in that twelve year period

and hearing a lot of drama in meetings and not being able to relate

so let's say I'm brand new

I'm sitting in the back of the room this guy's going on on but all the drama he talks about being in prison he talks about having three divorces he wrecked six cars and filed filed bankruptcy so I'm and I'm a newcomer back there and this is what I'm hearing let's see I've never been to prison

I've never been married never wrecked a car I've never filed bankruptcy maybe I'm really not an alcoholic

he walks out the door we've just lost in

I find the drama creates a lot of distance it does not create relatedness

that's the stuff we talk about over coffee to music souther

but that's not what I do in a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous I'm there to carry invision of hope and to share my inner experience so keep that in mind as you're going through the steps

so let's turn that into question did you experience the craving for alcohol when you put alcohol in your body

now notice he says and never occurs an average temperature record so let's say

at ten times that I drank I do not experience creating eight times

am I an alcoholic

according to Dr self worth I am you know why because he said it never

he doesn't say rarely

it doesn't say seldom he says never occurs in the average temperature record you see what separates me from the non alcoholic

has nothing to do with how many times I've been to jail

has nothing to do with that it has to do with one thing and only one thing call the phenomenon grading

I've had the opportunity of going out for

business dinners with colleagues who drank

and sitting there and watching them drink and they'll have one or two but then they get the second drink they push it away and they say something like I better stop I'm starting to feel it

well let's go then come on let's get it all

I cannot relate to that

I've been asked that question multiple times through the years but by colleagues to ship owners Senate what separates you from me

I don't have to go into this big diatribe about you know what I experience in the twelve years and so on so forth and I found a sponsor who had big books of writing blah blah blah blah I have to go into that I don't phone of gravy what do you mean I put our call my body I crave more alcohol and I can't stop

that's how I know that I'm an alcoholic

okay

the bottom of that page second line from the bottom

same page second level bottom were Dr silk with states they are restless irritable and discontent it unless they can again experience a sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks drinks which they see others taking with impunity

sounds like he's talking about drinking doesn't

yes and no

now check this out their wrestle serval discontented unless what unless I can again experience the sense in these in comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks in other words

I was irritable restless and discontented unless I could have that experience again what's ironic about that is I have that same identical experience in sobriety

check it out I am restless airborne discontented unless I can again a reading in the first person unless I can again experience a sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks

in other words

I have to find something in sobriety

to give me the same sense of ease and comfort that alcohol gave me enough I do not I'm gonna end up restless

will and discontented

you see that's what happened for me as a result of going through these steps

they give me the same sense and ease and comfort

I was one of those people that would get me a stash

because I was so afraid I was going to run out

and it didn't matter that they just turned off the electricity it didn't matter that she just said go away

it didn't matter that they just said we don't want you around

I would get that booze I would get that stash and I could sit back and go

so I really everything is going to be okay now

I have that same identical experience and sobriety C. C. doesn't matter what's going on around me I know deep down in my heart of hearts everything's gonna be okay

after they succumb to the desire again here again he's telling us about creating after I succumb to the desire that means a desire is not a craving that's what's happening with mental session I desire I think about it

as so many do in the fall upgrading develops they pass through the well known stages of this pre emerging remorseful with a firm resolution not to drink and can't tell you how many times that I haven't

this is repeated over and over and unless this person can experience an entire psyche change there's very little hope his recovery

you know psychic means

means mind

there needs to be an entire change in the way I think

now do I have the power to do that

if I was capable of doing that what am I doing here with you

after twenty plus years of sobriety how come I'm still going to meetings if I could just

all of my boots by the straps and you say I'm going to change my thinking absolutely

I would have already done it so let's turn this into question are you willing to consider that unless you experience an entire psyche change there is very little hope of your recovery

are you willing to consider that

now on that same page go to the third paragraph same page

third paragraph go down to line three

line three

paragraph three one feels as something more than human powers needed to produce the essentials like you change

so here the authors are telling us the entire second change must occur

or there's very little hope my recovery and no human power can make that happen

can your sponsor produce sets I keep changing you

can your wife girlfriend your children your money your car your boat your house your belief in god

can that produces I can change for you

it tells me here something more than human power here I'm being told nothing human can make this happen

are you willing to believe that

okay let's turn to page eleven page eleven

paragraph four

before reading this paragraph I would like to paint a picture for you

bill Wilson is in his apartment he's in his kitchen drinking gin

an old friend of his at B. T. who later becomes a sponsor comes to visit him