Steps 10, 11 and 12 at the Carry This Message group in West Orange, NJ

at this time I'd like to introduce our guest speaker for the month of June and unfortunately this is Greg's last week with us so

what

but we do have the next best thing and next month Greg's wife Peggy will be our speaker so anyway I

you're stuck with Greg for the rest of the evening and Greg will be sharing his experience with steps ten eleven and twelve tonight

I noticed Michael put his foot in his mouth when he hit the next best thing to get the woman's live going over here

I see above hi everybody I'm out all of my name is Greg

H. I. B. B. as the saga continues in like the Star Wars trilogy with this chapter four yet to be seen anywhere

no I don't always remember but when I was asked to do this I complained at hand in order to do your own can be hot I know I avoided these people like the plague you know because I know they come someone come to my meeting I attended I don't want to do this being you know

it's always that way with me my first thought is

now he's a little kid my first response I can't do that

I'm busy he never doing anything but I'm always busy you know you know it

going nowhere but always in a rush you

still alive when they talk about rest of Europe on this content that he was born that way had some of those things right inside of me

you know so now here we are

the final chapter

that must be continued for a lifetime

you know the never ending story now an existing regulations to Greg and I heard you say you know some of these we balked now walking is all right if you get right back to it because you just emotion you started and then you stop but if you prolong the getting the starting and that's what we had trouble graduations Peter welcome to Miami I know it's probably higher up you know then you've done everything

yeah this is special you know we talk about working in ninety seven that's why I like concluded last weekend

as we move on everybody considers I mean everybody's in a no

the promises

the promises

I gotta remember to it being a little kid when somebody promised you something there's usually some that went with it yeah this is if you be good I promise you'll get this

and I'm trying to get in the

but you were really good yeah but I was trying to be good you know we can't in N. out all of those we don't all we can do is try it even says in a twelve step we tried to carry this message on this

I have to pick up the program back seat this refers to my life I was realizing

I got to do the work

my sponsor can lead me any which way he wants

you can leave me this way I know my does and I don't want to do this the way we have been

and then

the results happen which other promises we're looking for personality change officially to bring about recovery these are things that are promised us if we knew what was posted on what we should've been doing online

which is like alcohol smoking or growth or you can say whatever and

I just want to say when I first started holding I went way back if you remember I mean I thought when I was five years old and talk about things and I had an opportunity this year and it did me a world of good I've got to go back to high school speaking high schools in the world to go to to really get to see just what I was insufficient

why was inadequate I was afraid you know you go to high school and I tell you from the Catholic grammar school I don't know what to expect I have no experience in doing the things I learned as I went along but then somewhere along I picked about Paul and

they cause the regresses on progress

big time look at me now

we now they're the perfect example over here

they

he still can't say a lot of it

I mean they really

yeah

practice practice practice how do you create a habit

the practice practice practice

many young men how to get the Corning all

you practice for I guess at one time a friend of mine from the city because it depends what do we want to go on your fifty seventh street you know

yeah

no

and it says it to

if we have painstakingly about this phase one development that means we got to go since we got what he himself this does not easy every member to this goes against every grain of my body

every natural dia

L. my social instincts will walk

we security instinctual walked my sexual instinctual way out of whack

and now you tell me I got a total and I got to start with

slowdown in only

what does that tell you you'll be amazed before you halfway through until your messenger your wife is amazing and I'm sure he sees a different you know and retaining them in beginning it says happen as well as nothing so amazing for halfway through half measures will is nothing gets confusing thank you

Florida you know

the personality changes take place as a result of the steps we just did

hello new freedom

no no no happiness no I will not regret the past

no she shut the door now I mean I can tell you some graphic things like date nights on the basis

it really is and it doesn't do anything about anything

those are my experiences alone you know those white screens for learning

well I regret it

regret means repeat something the word already you know I don't know what red means meant to look it up last night because we have promised meeting last night we're on that promise

in my in great now or do I have a pass you know you play all the games it with the words and stuff but I don't regret is what got me here

I was my road map to getting where I am now and the seeing I finally had a change

now and we talked about we did the tenth eleven step

add up another group that I tend to

and it says that when the last

the results

the talk about in our promises who will suddenly realize my god stole from me when I could do for myself

now you see a lot of people struggle with step one it won't even make their alcohol you have children and now here they are it's definitely so there is some growth there and waited I get there when I get the carriage

leave a reply

J. as in the game

tell me what you tell me do you help me to do to help you talk to this guy and we do to fix that no and I said time and time again I'm not telling you nothing

I tell you nothing

nothing

now I'll suddenly realize we gotta do for me what I could do for myself and now we get a big voice that we really can step it doesn't get as much credit as it is I mean what's that everybody's

and don't be afraid when he had to get on the podium like what you're doing what's that you know

what's up is a friend

help us grow up

and it tends to be just a continuation of

it's a continuation is we're doing the fourteen fifty seven we see I start to see patterns in my life

so I know people situations will always affect me I have to ask myself those questions what's being affected with me now because it's in the twelve and twelve restraint is our top priority

the hill people all the time my tongue as we drove along time alone I control my tongue

but I all actions all for

all actions all words come from for

so what we're really working on him as we have been working along with trying to change your ideas

our motion and our attitude to trying to get them improper use with the will of god to a land again what is god's will for me and I don't know what he has in store for me for my life

god will just begin to be happy joyous and free

a pass on this message of really that's what that's what IT help one another as we put it all here together

now I just have all the knowledge but in the world help each other get experience express what you learn

we'll get the story if you

alcohol and drugs do that

but again I am must remember alcohol is but a symptom

models are nothing but a symbol I got to get down to route details and that's why we do this process I need to balance the two simple form I just read mill Loring's jacket

the dumb guy approach let's keep this simple you know I've seen a lot in intellectual people

go out the door and I get this

because they thought it had to be had to be harder than what it really is

when they say to simple program it is the dumb guy approaches just read the black

yes read the black

no

when I say the prayer we pray says the right we right

help others we help on this

and this whole book is being directed

in these last two steps of the maximum service on this to be there for us to get out of self doctor's opinion stage three times

you got to get out to sell the looking up the formula he

I'm not gonna get their history

just to get out he said the email with altered one of the quick meant that they had this cycle analysts and all that other stuff they could not help the alcoholics based on what all the modern technology

this is in the thirties so you can imagine even today two thousand and three with all the modern technology Olea patrols in their windows and open up that they can't keep enough alcoholics over like you know alcoholic and we've been there we've done it we know what

carry this message

not my message

message in a program at all times that is found in the book at all times to so many people miss a lot of people go to step me either we had a twelve twelve twelve twelve was great it was written much after this there's no directions on how to work the steps in the twelve and twelve

it's nothing it's just S. age were bill wrote later on but she was more adept at working with alcoholics and you know what Mr

a lot of a lot of good information in that book but there's no directions

no direction this is what we need right up to scratch from the get go we need directions to any formula

at the right of the step nine no it's not a thing to the steps

everybody knows with dominos the game domino he's lining up the not going down

that's why she works that

get the fourth so we get the feeling we don't postpone I've heard a lot of a lot of bad suggestions of people who are not

fully informed the or whatever reason they said you should work for thirty two years old I work work is that the year killed a lot of drunks I'm not here condemning anybody not I'm just trying to give you any information important stuff we do this in succession we work the steps to get better we don't want to get back to work the steps

now it says in the story the step ten which suggests we continue to take a personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along

that means

I'm going to make mistakes

dumb guy approach even I can understand that

a good again which drops over now I got gone into thirds Devin and

I'm gonna make mistakes on the human being you're gonna affect me and I will be affected his life like goes on with a lot of stuff in my head a lot of stuff in my head we vigorously commenced now the big word anybody knows me

yeah I know we all do we vigorously commences way of living as we cleaned up the past I mean we don't we don't finish which that ninety such that we don't wait we continue to give us more direction here someone should do we have ended

this nation's throw me off

when I was a rookie we have entered the world of the spears

but you're going to get with all travel school upbringing and background avoidance of that stuff now and into the world of the spear

I remember early on it will be rocketed into a new dimension well we're in the new dimension now

and it says early on to read this he but he gives it to us in a sequence sometimes some of the things you give this up front could be done here but I'm not I'm not gonna change anything we just keep repeating itself over and over and over with we need repeating because I'm not a good listener so you gotta keep tell me a few times you know and you see what he's fine he bumped his head on the wall you could see them you weren't listening when you want to listen and basically so we keep repeating itself all over again

I went to the world is spirit

it tells us early on when we straighten out spiritually

we string out mentally and physically

so you ask yourself what is I mean I get better physically the young everything else is good

four five and six

right now mentally

eighty seven eighty nine

which street now

physically or social background gets bent out working habits get better she was looking for new thinking while working we're looking for new actions

my actions don't like thinking strong I've entered the world of spirit which means it's the fourth dimension which means I'm less practice and continue to grow I must grow

the best step here for growth is to take a daily inventory step back when agitated look what I done wrong and if you look at the words here

we're doing the other steps repeating the other steps are repeating the other steps

a lot of these are Dan this from the podium and

the mission of your frame of mind people say we don't live in ten eleven and twelve

people say we gotta go back in the morning because

even I found this at its base why is the take an annual or semi annual retreat

to do what we have to do the cleanup we keep you know

the ten step is the daily single walking around step

well I can look at myself and he goes on even further

we discuss them again have you read this it that goes over the steps I'm not really gonna read

but then there's more

this is

what personality should take that take place more personality changes

the first one is we get a new code a lot of people love in time which is a code that I never had a call about which I live by the rifleman had a cold by which we live by I remember a local court and all that other stuff but I don't member me arrive at court or set a morals or principles or anything now the first thing I fell in love in college you know of the best and a few other worst adjustable I can get the best of the other ones when I got there

well you know we talked on the way up the only solace is still rough edges on

I got rough edges

they're already believe me I mean I love dogs I own quite a few rough edges

every asked me later on I'll tell you so like I said on the podium

we have ceased fighting anything or anyone

even alcohol

now the sanity has returned and the sanity has returned when it comes alcohol we're no longer obsessing obviously we no longer face a craving and if that's what you do come

we recoil from

we don't have to think about we just require from which we now have some traits we got as a kid you Breanna hostility mother tell you not to do it anyway because you never experienced it before I never went back I stuck my hand over there again I know

we never knew before

alcohol kept beating us and beating us and be now sandy is returned now I'm all the way in the tents that

and people say when they do the second step when we send you don't know we just need to believe we came to believe that god will do is force if we did certain things it is a certain things we did I got my family back what comes out because it's a temple

I no longer fighting no longer even avoiding

me page you got my last year in alcohol at a winning whole bunch of people from the fellowship in even though he was up on it you can talk all you want we don't we don't even know

it doesn't touch as normal

you will add something to the party at what we had a great time

the people that drink and the drink socially

do we have to carry anybody at a room no no that's going right we have to cut anybody off they drink like

but not normal people and that's what problem stems from when we see the ability to describe the gate after in the ball and stuff I always used to think of some wrong to be able

will he was watching and if you ever go to blind you experience it you're watching normal people turn

you know what you have all these drink

you're watching over people there's no pun intended damage they'll to walk home

we I remember

I wanna go for some excitement I want to go for the final I watch the game you for yourself

we we actually we in normally most of us go

but he says some of the grave emotional mental disorders remember that

you know what that means to me is some of us do some of us don't know reaction react normally find this happens automatically now we will see that new attitude towards look it has been given to us a new attitude towards looking has been giving us waiting at the squared off with him at the plate that was given to us thanks to get you hear people say stick around for the miracle happens

is America way over the ten step one two three going to be such a childishness speaking tapes and doing a lot of stuff you have to work you really have to do the work it's been my experience that I had to do this to get this change

I had to do to get this free

it just comes

yeah

and like a good

a good teacher he always gives us examples and I've been trying to give you an example see first the last four weeks been trying to give me examples now he tells me he he left on this program of action it really is what better now

I don't have to go on that way I don't have a computer on forty second night

now I gotta remember god is not me too hard at times this is a collector

now I put up a traffic on my life I put up with yet but what remains is a not a lot of times details

now I'll

I don't

and then again he goes

we got our sanity back

with the use of a world that god gave us brains do you we're not giving him I said this before when I give it

my brain I'm not giving him my will I'm just

you take care take care my thinking with my thinking really stinks

I really stink and my best thinking didn't get me it is the last place I want to be and now my best thing is that I think I've got a a a I think I'll go

yeah the pain and the circumstances of how I was living in that's what I want to clean up when I first came here but I've come to find out like doing this work I change my character my attitude got better

my disposition of that I became a better person

hello Stacey carousel

and the bills the constellations

you know all that stuff to get itself

all that stuff the care itself

eleven step around their take on it a little bit but I'm gonna tell you a story I guess somebody remind me about parachuting

and nobody reminded me what I did forget her

but is there really on my mind now I always had a this ain't going to be a parachutist

he jumped out of a plane insane as it sounds I always want to do it and I even remember at a bar not a bar stool but afterwards at a restaurant to Dinah is coming from the blog I have to come and sit next to me and we he gave me all the information the goal passion he gave me the phone number he even gave me his number in case I want to tag along with him on the show all your all your showing I love everybody in the world to bring Shaw

I never did it I never did this is back in the mid mid eighties never did

I'm surprised a couple years I found somebody who did it

so I'm gonna try to relate this to have you listen to the following carefully I mean I'm telling you is but at the same time I'm working this this program work in the fellowship

and to be a parachute

the jumbo plane you got to follow directions

clear cut Pacific directions when you jump you pull

the same thing here

I want to change my life

I gotta give

I gotta get

now for the first time to get some instructions I didn't have much to worry about because as the old long style it was a static line to pull the self automatically so although I had to do was overcome the fear of being able to step out on the plains lake

and like all

I let go I blacked out

twenty three thousand GT I blacked out the only thing that woke me up and got with the chute opening up

angel and or they seem

all the scenes and landscapes guy nothing but silence

it seemed as if the ground was coming up to me like I was able

follow directions

Adam walkie talkie on meeting I told the police pulled from the wreckage perfect

only one thing I forgot to listen how I landed

it comes straight down

and now here I am

getting angry at myself

because I hurt myself

what can I do on this matter

related to my steps to my life like a night on the

and then the little voice can complete greatness for some ever jumped up and play give yourself some credit

for some of the steps give myself credit

now tell

being who I am I went back you know more is better get remember that more is better each time I try to listen a little more carefully

my main goal in the jumps we just didn't get the proper form is I had a goal I want to be a I wanted jumps all and I still had the static line so each time I had it all had to practice to get my point

each time I got a little better my landing and you learn for the first time paints a great motivator isn't

you do I did a little better

I got to the next phase

when I go up without the static line

I grew up even higher I got the ten thousand feet

I have two instructors with me

just like a I got sponsors I get the fellowship these guys give me again clear cut directions we practiced in before we're we may maneuvers practice we look at films we want what I have to do what we had to read it watch other people's experiences

watch them grow we can get it to anybody yet so they had to watch the fellowship they got it like and I

ten thousand feet first time I jump out

I make a move

fine

I can't go there right

I bought

both you

goddammit nice perfect landing very proud of myself

then I get the two charges the drop back on good spots a bad spot

you get all right it wasn't too bad here well this is your money you want to wait see you can do whatever you want you know you've pulled off

I think a little resentment the little her feelings in a little pride her but I knew what the guy was saying

listen to us we'll show you the way that's what we say this is the show store

the one and the only reason why I bring this thing up because I got better each time I went up I could see the clouds my eyes well I will I will come before but I did start to see the clouds

now I can even see the instructors with me

before I didn't I knew they were there but I never seen as I went along until we see the faces of that would communicate to tumble salts up they get out of control get back the control thank you Hey I did I dislike about metro DC's always materialize Russ

if we work for

he says the key one now it's easy to let up going to let up you can pay the consequences and it's not always with drinking

so as we drinking so you know we have to reverse this whole set of processes

yeah so we do have a little

I shouldn't be saying this but in my instance there is some warning signs as we're going down sometimes we just stopped going to meetings sometimes we stop working with others and he stopped working he or the others and stopped going to meetings and we stop praying

the cycle is being reversed

you know what I'm saying and finally get irritable restless and discontented and we needed help and suddenly

the four come to pick up a drink

so I'm working all these things and do anything else on it see more things just like either working the steps and see more clearly now want to see my instructors start to see all my sponsors telling me I'm starting to find it in the washing machine

I'm so I can't say society guide

you are probably the mesmerizing live see I

finally made a solo jump

they made a switch I mean they gave me a small package should affect the passion they give me different record it was noble handle we had to throw it out in a little parachute compatible there's a good chance that this thing would wrap around my own

just because a string record the way we set up

the other court I would pull and hold onto it and stuff this one was connected to the future now this stuck on my own

I have to take some

measures to get it off my arm

this like we get these defects off our backs now

once well as I said as I was going along this process now I can see the ground

I can make the terms necessary to get to my destination which is the ground in the X. on the ground

ninety square up and I could do whatever so easily directed to be cost my life depended upon it

and that's what this fellowship is all about

we're dying by the droves all over the place

only say carry this message is the message we carry I've been there I know the obsession I know that mine is I know the I'm thinking this is

and now we get to step eleven sought to premeditation

a lot of people say so I thought to Pratt and medication nana

and some people need to be on stuff I'm not a doctor I'm not going to you know leave those people alone don't tell me get off some of us I've ever heard stories with some of us that you don't need those things and people around I

we will keep working with him hello again many of us have grave emotional mental disorders you have the capacity to recover if they have the willingness to be honest

I can be honest and to be honest I can be honest it is taken back

and it says in bill Wilson said he's a better man and I seven using constantly you know ten eleven twelve a really personal steps

really a person because we all get to do this a different way I don't wanna give you my concept of what I do appear but that be like an on telling me how to pray at the like the priest only had a brain you know all through the book it tells us what to ask for

I overcome these things we get a little chance will practice in prayer I would practice even though I had trouble getting down on his wrist I'm still talking I am still talking I'm getting messages and I'm receiving all these things

vitals injections again there are suggestions in the book is in the record book of directions but they give you some suggestions but talking Mr Pataki rabbi you priest

read all the books

get your own concept of breath of talking with god of meditation get your own

what Ron can deal with my can doing meditation

I can't tell you can do

what I can do you couldn't

it's all different you know what I like to do is when I go into meditation some people say you know young

and the stop the mind you try stopping this might not give you all the money in the world I'll pay feel you know everything

what I'm trying to do is just slow down the thought process instead of like June June June just get

you know quiet myself down I cannot I cannot stop me from thinking

as you get delegate some insane ideas and insane thoughts they just come to me and I seven bad habits speaking about

and that they still don't

going back

when they parachute I'm by myself

I'm soul jumping on doing high jump the long jump

I did two jumps in one day and I mean I'm you know throughout the whole day and more is better you know obsessive yet you gotta go for getting too quickly

I did two Johnson one day it was get around dusk again but this time at the second jump it was somebody during the day

they had a film recorded I mean yeah we're gonna sit around we're going to watch I'm going to go over what I did for the day when struck there we have an instruction book sort of like a diary what we did no Sir like a step or what we did for that day and stuff and

as I'm walking from my car get my instruction book

I hear the case and now here I mean you can hear the cans pop and I see the case to be economic model that kind of stuff that goes up they drink

I think it's okay you gonna do I had a purpose a known thank you drinking you gonna do parachuting stuff fellowship

and I look I'm very thirsty and I usually snack for their little trail and was closed when the assault of our water is nothing for me to get to the office was locked up

and again the flag is up I don't drink educator and founder John as I hand my instruction my instructor over the table my client my book to fill out

we can go through his beer

I want three

I he allowed regional

I've ever heard in my life

no I don't know if somebody's having a conversation back then I don't know where the snow came from but I took a step back

gratitude breaking right over me

yeah

I got my book

so I walk into my car

scene press thank you

this is a great day

not only to judge but I just walked away from the three day being the one in the first place

now

we've got a deal for me when I couldn't defend myself this guy not only has he not get on the

and it was early on

I'm not three S. over meminta gratitude meeting and people talk about how they get the house back in a call back in their families reunited in everything the job in the financial things all everything is great and I'm still struggling at this time so I thought

actually I was doing the best that I've ever been at that time and I'm saying to myself I'm getting what about me what about me what about me and I'm working hard enough

no and I didn't hear dancing at that hold me as we stood up for the our father even before we start brain the lawyer said to me right

you know it

we'll have to be done thank you get mantis so and I want to reach me I told the the the retreat masses I have a hard time making Alvy I meditate

I just wish it was smack me I'm gonna stupid you don't wanna you know humidity is two different forms or whatever else is telling

same thing with the prayer early on I says I'm having a hard time for and I don't think I simply go to meeting is that right easy and simple you take to preserve that that was a problem you go to windows for press what's wrong media itself

now in the frame of the day will you even

is this again the the it's written down to give us things we could tell we can hang our lives we can meditate talking pretty well life we can do with friends I do every tree chill time you pay a try to me thank you still have difficulties doing because all work schedule

she is one

concept conception I have another conception

we still open though it still hadn't really hit which you really haven't hit we still really having it and I think I know will blossom when we don't

I mean not awakening and stuff and

and again he reiterates all we do is we go through the day went out

we have the right to Iraq again it's all I never had the right to whenever the right action my first thought is always usually wrong

usually no

I don't like not coming here

WNBC

preventing mistakes

you know we constantly remind ourselves constantly remind ourselves

I'm not running the show the kitchen right size keeps you from getting bigger keeps me going in a little town keep your right size I'm not running the show more

you know what I want to create here in the early fellowship on palace allow close only had to worry about palace allowable when I drink something happens we spoke about that before

you get a great analogy when I drink something happens both physically mentally

and I don't usually know what's gonna happen when I drink it other people will usually tell us what we've done they'll always remind us whether it's our lives but it's policeman that doctors somebody always tell us what we did

I was on the run the show more I'm not palace already now I remember on the powers of your actions but I can walk away from your behavior

and you have to use my let let you just walk away

I'll

how does those two choices I got today when you hear from the podium to I always hear people say I today I choose not to drink

when you get the choice from I still want to know the only way I choose not to have

I still think that alcohol can sandy

because I had lost the choice the power I love the power of choice to drink or not to drink and today I gave that's what I gave away can I take my choice from you directly thank you direct matches I no longer say I I I never say

I don't use it is many times out there when I was drinking that you choose to drink I was drinking

hello hello can I I haven't I don't choose to do the right next thing

what the hell is the right next thing please tell me that

please tell me that

now

tells we have taken steps back count to ten in the family after which is a great chapter great great chapter having trouble you family afterwards we got a solution for you now we also have a solution champion we have in our captain the plot we have everything in this book now

marriage is a dell EMC in everything so if you were going to Swansea

you can read the book which I'm working from the book so you're so much better seeing it came from the program rather than just your opinion to get your opinion home where it is in the book show me where it is in the book it will not