Step 1, 2 and 3 at an AA and Al-Anon workshop titled

good morning I'm Bob and I'm an alcoholic

it was over through the grace of god in all college anonymous since the tenth of December nineteen sixty seven and for that I'm very grateful

Linda and I would like to thank you all for the wonderful hospitality that we have received from three of them here we

we come from Minnesota which is

if this were the United States is in the middle of the United States in the northern most part show touches Canada

we are colder than you are we left two feet of snow

and about zero

Fahrenheit to come here yeah so

we find your country surprisingly warm warm and beautiful that is

quite spectacular but what we find most spectacular is the warmth and hospitality

of the people that we have about

and the

the spirit of the people and they are now online community is

most noted you know it is we have traveled many places and there's an and Susan that is our

delightful

and if you keep that enthusiasm you'll

great great things will come of that

Linda and I are going to share what we do kind of back and forth

we haven't done too much of

the favor sharing together so we're going to play up a little bit by your

I'm going to spend the first fifteen or twenty minutes talking a little bit about our backgrounds of at least you have some idea

about how this old white haired man came to be standing in front of you

I started drinking when I was thirteen years old when I was in high school

when I started high school I was four foot eleven and weighed ninety five pounds

I was very unsure of myself

I thought everybody else got to school an hour early and held a meeting and decided what to do for the day and I always missed the meeting

and I thought everybody else knew what was going on and I didn't

yeah I'm the one night when I was about sixteen a friend of mine and I went out and we split a fifth of whiskey and my life changed

it was an extraordinary change I never felt like I was part of the group after I had the whiskey I felt like I owned the group it was very different and

I changed alcohol

very fast and very hard throughout my high school days I went to a military school and a college campus we drank a lot in high school of my five closest friends four of us are in AA and ones in Allentown so we we did pretty well

when I finished high school I had a reputation for having a drinking problem I got into a lot of trouble I got arrested I got

I made the false ID cards you know I got sick a number of times we couple of those almost died of alcohol poisoning I went away to college to get away from

the authorities on my father

and I drink my way out of the university of Notre Dame in the middle of my senior year I walked out

which didn't please me or my family

and the army I was in ROTC and I have to get a medical release to get out of

the get out of the army of the medical release I got was for alcoholism

I was diagnosed an alcoholic when I was nineteen

and that seemed impossible I I got into a fight one night at a party

and I got my face hurt quite a bit

and I got fired as a waiter they didn't want me serving food looking like I look so they fired me

and I have no place to go I was

I would of all

options and I went back to my family and asked if I could come back home

and they said if I would not drink I could come back home right

I said I wouldn't drink I live but I went back home and

when I went back home I made the largest effort I have ever made to get my act together

I didn't like being who I was I didn't like being in the family problem I didn't like

crying myself to sleep listening to my parents argue about me they didn't know what to do with me you know no one knew what to do with me they have had me talk to a lot of people to try to help them no one could help

and when I moved back in the house I thought if I could change my life change the circumstances of my life it would be different so I got a job

I got back together with Linda we have gone together for

two years and broken up for the last year of my drinking and I thought that if I got a good woman in my life that would make a big difference

and that we became engaged to be married and

I couldn't stop drinking you know I just couldn't shut it down

and now I'm working in a company and I'm the company drugs you know I am like Rudolph the red nose reindeer I'm you know I'm in trouble immediately

big corporations like to have you come in on Mondays and like to have you stay on Fridays and I am I'm a mess and

hello I quit that job after six months and I took another job selling which gave me more flexibility

and

after I had the job of selling

for about two months I woke up I want my one of my friends got married and weddings were always good for about a week of drinking

one I woke up

in my in an apartment

on Thursday afternoon not having been to work Monday Tuesday and Wednesday

and I didn't know if I had a job or a fiancee or a place to live until I was married and I was just I was done and I called out caller synonymous

and two men came out and talked to me

at a cafe

and those two men sat me down and shared their story with me

and in the process of them sharing their story with me they changed my life

we have many traditions and a one of the most wonderful is which is that we share from our heart from our experience our strength and our whole not from our head

and when you do that there is

you can help change someone's life and they touch me I went to my first meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous that night that was in August or July of nineteen sixty seven

I drink twice after that after one month of sobriety I drink on a business trip and after three months of sobriety I drink on our honeymoon on that last drink I had was on our honeymoon and

that was

I'm glad that was my last drink and well sure more of that when I tell my story tonight

but I came back and I got active in a and they told me in a way that I'll call is a must read full it was physical but it was also a mental and spiritual

and that once I crossed the line from problem drinking and alcoholism my alcoholism affected me all the time when I drink in one I didn't drink

the idea that my all callers and could affect me when I didn't drink

was a very new idea I thought overall isn't only affected you when you're drunk

they told me that

what a a was was very it was more than just not drinking they should have you ever stopped drinking I said yes they said that it works I should know they said it didn't work for us either what we do in areas once we quit

we use the twelve steps to change

the find a better way to live so that we don't have to go back to drugs or booze to do something for us that were unwilling or unable to do for ourselves

and if we don't change we're not going to remain sober because we don't know how to live so

that was one of the best things anybody

told me

Linda and I have gone together since our

since lenders sophomore year in college

when we got married we have three

sons thirty four years old thirty two years old I'm twenty three years old Linda has been in Allentown since July of nineteen sixty seven

August of nineteen sixty seven

and that has been very important I don't know that we will be married today if we didn't have a program

because when things go wrong and they do go wrong we've turned our lasers on ourselves rather than on each other I think we might have melted each other had we not had

the program

it has been a wonderful partnership it is

we've had a lot of alcoholism in our family but we've had a lot of recovery and we will

in the process of sharing

the

I experience but I've been sober thirty six years so I've experienced a lot of lives in those thirty six years I'm sixty years old I was when I was one week into my twenty fourth year when I still running us over

I've experienced a lot of business difficulties and a lot of life

and I'll share more of that when I get my truck but we have had success you know we've had the big houses on the Mercedes all sorts of things and then when I was under my business career about twelve years ago I went broke

show you know I went from doing very well to not doing horribly and now I'm back doing pretty well

so

B. introvert does not guarantee that you will have always have easy circumstances that just guarantees that you will have the ability to deal with whatever circumstances that you have

so Linda and I are going to share

and we're going to talk we're going to use the steps as a structure I'm sure

and I guess we're going to talk for about an hour

including those parts that I just did we'll talk through the rest of the hour we've been talking about fifteen minutes

and and then we're going to have a question and answer period will get us firing of the staffs as we can and I'm going to talk

along with Linda about the steps in in two different ways one is about how they affected me when I first came in

and the other is how they affect me today because there's different

and I'm going to talk about some problems in sobriety because I think that

most of us that are sober

we are not problem free and sometimes wonder about how the program applies to the daily living issues that we all have and

do you think of anything else at the moment to save

I do understand agree with me when I

you start with one goal

okay

the first up so they were powerless over alcohol that our lives have become unmanageable

the first step

I never thought I was powerless over alcohol I knew I had trouble I thought it was a bad idea they had something I didn't know what the problem was

it seemed like it was symptomatic of seem like alcohol was my answer not my problem okay I thought if you knew about my other problems that I had you wouldn't think I was just an alcoholic

people come to me and they've saved you know if you would stop drinking you'd be okay well

most of us have stopped drinking and using for some period in our lives and that wasn't okay I wasn't okay at all just before I went back to my junior year of school

I got in trouble when I was robbed and rolled in fiscal left and shot out thrown out of the second story of a hotel ended up in the hospital

and I went back to school for my last year and I did not drink for three or four months

in my life didn't become

perfect it didn't become

as good as I thought it was going to become a didn't become one I thought you were telling me it would become a site wouldn't drink and I thought I proved that I could quit

and that alcohol wasn't my problem because I did quit and night life didn't get better

and it just didn't seem at all but when I got to AA you're telling me that alcoholism was a disease that although I was only the symptom of the disease that the disease was physical but also mental and spiritual that if I was going to find permanent sobriety which I didn't really want to find I just wanted to get out of trouble most of us come here we don't want to find where it were almost as afraid that it will work

as we are that it won't work

and

but today when I

how that affects me today and it was when I came in

I had a surrender and my surrender

was for about nine months for about nine months I would ask a question someone would give me an answer and I believe whatever the answer

but after about nine months my ego started to come back alive

and when it when you answer a question I wasn't sure you were correct

so all of a sudden I started to assert myself in a in a in a different way

I wanted to find an expert on Bob

in a

I never found an expert on by what I found is that Bob became an alcoholic

and I found it experts on alcoholism

and and that was how I learned about me not five focusing on my personality or my eagle by focusing on

the principle of Alcoholics Anonymous on the issue of alcoholism

today

I think a lot of us you know how when you have someone who's been sober awhile and you want to help them we all know what the answer is the answer is rendered

but how do you tell someone how to surrender

how do you describe that that's a very

difficult thing most of us Wurster rendered by drugs and alcohol we were beaten to a pulp

and we came in

it all was just some level of reasonableness because of the pain of our experience

but many of us today in the program are some distance away from that pain

we aren't we may not be using right now and what happens is our powerlessness goes away

and all of a sudden we

know the answer you know we're not powerless we're not unmanageable we now believe because were sobering we have this information the way to go about and conduct our lives the way we want to conduct their lives

it's always a difficult balance because many of the changes that we have to make in sobriety

we need some aspect of being teachable okay

if you're not surrendered at least partially surrendered you are very teachable

it's very hard to get information all of us have had conversation response user with friends and we know very well what they're willing to listen to and what they're not willing to listen to

and a lot of us are not willing to listen to

but we don't want to hear

and

there in lies you know some of the problems today for us in recovery because the universe

or your marriage or your children or your job we'll keep presenting you with what you're supposed to hear

and most of us

you know push it away

the night changes show where all that teachable we aren't all that open

and so that's one of the things sometimes when we ask ourselves why we're in trouble when we're sober one of the reasons were in trouble is we don't listen very well we're not open to what the you know to what we're being told by god or the universe or a family so

hi I'm Linda and I'm a member of al anon

happy Valentine's day everybody I'm getting sort of a kick out of this my husband what

stop

okay

my husband normally talks a lot faster than this I'm sitting over here listen to sort of this different temple and it it reminds me of a joke used to tell I'm not going to tell you a joke though

a set of programs

thank you everyone for this incredible opportunity in your beautiful beautiful country we're having a great time step one I'm I'm sort of

trying to look at this from the only eyes I have which of course of the eyes of the element and how step one came in and so I've been trying to sort of I've been praying a lot but also trying to think of of times when I really felt like I surrendered and there's one that's really profound in its we have as Babson we have three kids and and

they're all in the program and our middle son

probably was the most difficult although Dan gave me a pretty good run for his money but he was I think the most difficult for me maybe and

I used to say if you don't run around with her or if you didn't hang out with him you'd be okay

and I would not want him to have certain friends over because I knew that when those friends were around that Peter was using more

I would refer to his friends as

losers

if you didn't hang around with the losers

you wouldn't be the way you are in the day came and it was a hard day when I realized that Peter was a loser

and Peter was hanging around with exactly the people he needed to hang around with to do exactly the things that he wanted to do

and

it was one of those days when it was like someone hit me you know but it was a real surrender

and I knew that no longer did he have the choice no longer did could I deny the fact that he had a problem

and that she

clearly was making the choices based on a disease

and it was a surrender for me I realized it was an manage ability but I certainly realized that I had absolutely no power

and alcoholics get beaten down by the disease but Allen's get beaten down by two you know we suffer and

because we love you we hurt really hurt

so that's my my my story and and stuff one that was profound and you want me to go into two and then okay and then

our second step

we came to believe that

the power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity

and

my insanity with the kids

was that

I could make them safe

if they did what I told him to do

and it was all you know solid illusion but it was an illusion that I believe are the reason for the for me that's insanity when you believe something that's not true to be true and I thought that I keep the kids safe

and

you know the day comes when you know you can't I I used to killing say and I meant to tell I would like to have a nice box

or cell in the basement and I would put the kids in there and I would bring very very good food down to them and we have nice videos with the VCR and we have a very nice stereo and their friends to come and visit in this controlled environment and then I knew things would be okay and of course it was a joke but you know what if I could have really made that happen

I would have given it a really good shot

you know and so that was I've got lots of examples of insanity but that was one of them that I had the illusion that there was something I could do to keep my kids safe

and when you really I guess that goes back to surrender when you really surrounding realize there is absolutely nothing you can do

to control another person

and I've learned that in the program I've learned there two things in life that I have any control over I used to have control over everything I thought it did but now I know there are two things one is my relationship with my higher power

and the other one is my attitude

that's it

if you knew what I thought I could control

you know that's really quite a cut

I guess I'll turn to overdue given

I've turned into New York as a Kerrier

none of us were alcoholic we met Linda I was an alcoholic when I met her our children we're not alcoholics I think she carriers of the disease

we're trying to have inoculated but we have not found a place you know where we can where we can do that

I have a lot of problems in my drinking and and they were the problems that you expect drinks to have I got arrested I got in fights I got the money doesn't calling

I was a gambler a pretty good gambler so that helped by money

I thought you know and

sometimes it doesn't but most the time it did I used to make money playing pool now I played was schooling the other night that would not be a good way to make money

the

when I came to all college numbers

it was a revelation to me to find out that I had a disease

and that it was incurable

and that I had to for the rest of my life put your principles into action in my life if I wanted my life to be okay

I thought

it would be horrible

I didn't like people who didn't drink I didn't trust people who didn't drink I didn't like being around an audience I mean I wanted to hang out with people who were doing the same thing I was doing you know show that they wouldn't report on me if I wanted to drink in the morning I didn't want to be around two or three people that thought that was not what to do you know I don't need an audience

but when I cannot call this item as I saw the people who quit they were still having fun they were alive it was a humor was was good for me to hear you know their lives were not over they were you know the same they were attractive many of them had jobs that I thought were wonderful jobs they own houses in order of in their lives were in a lot better shape than mine was

so even though I was powerless I was excited about the fact that I now had a program I was excited about the fact that I thought I knew what my problem which means you know

when I thought my problem was I was an ****

I was always in trouble I was one of these kids it was attention deficit you know I was in grade school I got thrown out of grade school about fifteen times

I was always in trouble I couldn't keep my mouth shut it was just it wasn't bad stuff it was just stopped on the

you know and I got to high school I was smart but I you know so I I I I got by and

so when I came to a I really did come to believe that a power greater than myself to restore me to sanity that power was a

I have a difficult relationship

with the church well

once I learned about section drinking in the church and I did not get along as well as well as reminder of

and so I I really didn't want much to do with and with church but they made a distinction about spirituality and I thought I could you know maybe deal with that but I was pretty uncomfortable even with spirituality when the meetings got

he's talking about too much god I went to the we we used to break into groups and I'd go to the other group hoping that they weren't talking too much about god at that moment

but I really came to believe that a a would restore my sanity I came to believe that my sponsor I have the same sponsor that I have when I walked in the front door which is not too many people my sponsors over almost fifty years or fifty years in August

and

he's eighty four years old and still going strong so I think you'll I think he'll be there for and it was a great guy the street is a great guy this is just so wonderful we went over for crossing just before

we go over once or twice a week for crossing windows over there about as much as I am his wife was Linda sponsor for many years before she died

yeah and

so it was with great hope that I thought okay I got the problem is got the answer and if I've got to give a is got the answer the rest of the problems in my life I don't go away

well I have problems with work I have problems with section I had problems with money at problems with gambling I had problems with being married I have problems with being a father other than that I have no problem

I really didn't even know about those problems I I had all those problems in my first nine months and I never noticed those problems were not on my first inventory

the first forced up by truck when I was over

three or four months didn't have those I well I I wasn't

merry when I took my first four step when I wasn't a father when I took my first forced up

but the other issues the work problems on the money problems I had

I just my first four step was about all the horrible things I had done in my life that I was ashamed of that I was that I had told no one about

and that wasn't what the book recommend only with the book recommends but it but it it helped me okay given you know I if you have a good attitude even though you're sometimes don't do it perfectly

you still get benefited by doing the impression I did the best I could

and it was okay

but after I was sober awhile the problems that I had in sobriety started to cause me great difficulty I have

I had a lot of difficulty with work I had trouble getting to work

I trouble getting up in the morning

I had trouble staying at work

I have some trouble working at work

other than that I did well it was

I don't know what that was that's not a problem that most people have that it was a problem that I have I I don't know and I don't know if I was lazy or whether it was scared or I don't know exactly what it was but I was not a very good worker

and

show once it was over about a year and a half

my inventory started to change and I started to have

you know by that time we had our first child and I was starting to have arguments at home when the thought I would I went to eight to much

and then she thought I didn't have a very good program

which I thought was none of your business

she wanted to one of the way places I was supposed to practice the program within our home I thought well that's one of your business either but

and so I have these problems and I've started to work on and I I didn't want to have on this roster to hide him

now when I first came in may I had a wall built up between you and me

I built this wall up so you couldn't see me you couldn't see the other traditions you like me but you only like me because I let you see what you see if you can see everything about me you would hate me because I hate me

and who knows more what a terrible person I am the knee I was comparing my insides with Europe such

okay

but when I came in a

I will I heard enough that I tore that wall down and I said Hey come and get me I don't care who you are where you come from but come and get me and help me not be who I am anymore I can't stand it five more minutes and for the first time in my life I shared all of me was someone else

I told him about all the things that I thought made me different all the things that I thought may be dirty all the things that I thought I did that were wrong

and in that process I made a discovery

is

you know I'm not different

okay my personality baby different but not my behavior not my feelings not my pain not my all callers are not my experience and for the first time I started to have a hope that would work for you would work for me

before that time I knew I was different

it never occurred to me that would work for you will work for me I was just I was always different I always look for the difference when I came in and I surrendered and eyes toward on my wall

and I allowed you in in my system

I I I felt the same I feel similar from enough to shame that I thought he could work for me

well when I started to have problems in sobriety

I started to build my wall back up

I should thank you very much for helping me with my drinking problem of stay out of my sexual

thank you very much for having a drinking problem and stay out of my finances

stay out of my parenting

stay out of my marriage stay out of my job

and brick by brick shoulder in a

I build my wall back up

then I found myself feeling separate

going to many meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous

reading the book having sponsor used doing as good a job as I could with the steps at the time I found myself this was kind of almost unconscious it wasn't like I was going to go against a a I just I just did it instinctively I have always had things that I was afraid of that I didn't know what to do and all of a sudden I started to have problems in sobriety that I didn't know how to deal with them so I started to hire him

I was telling my sponsor more about sixty five percent of what was going on

now I know when I should you tell your sponsored a hundred percent

and I I think that that is very good that you do that

but I was only telling myself about sixty five percent

I wasn't strong enough

to be able to even tell myself the truth of what was going on I wasn't able to see the truth of what was going on

search and I think that's just the way it is I I think that's the way it is for many of us we don't

you don't get well all at once you don't get rid of all the problems all of once it takes you to get rid of the big chunks when you get rid of the big chunk chicken started to the docks

I was getting rid of the elephants you know I can see the dogs

but during the time okay during the time that

I have these problems and they were affecting me and I wasn't making much progress I stopped believing in the second step

I believe that for you

but not for me

I no longer believe got rid of it was going to restore me the sandy because I was three years sober and in trouble

I thought it was going to solve all my problems but I'm three or four years over and I got a lot of problems

so it doesn't look like they're going to go away it doesn't look like a is the answer

maybe I am really screwed up maybe I need to

more I mean I've always maybe maybe I'm different

and for quite a while I felt

somewhat isolated even though I was right in the middle of a

even though I had a sponsor even though I was doing some of the right things

and I think to some degree all of us have had heard of that experience I think that that's just part of

I just think that's part of the experience but what I didn't know and I will talk about later is that I have when I when I was to change these things when I have the very big change in my life of six or seven to seven years of sobriety

I had to go back and find stuff too and I didn't know that I have lost

because I always believe that for us

I just stop believing that for me

which is an interesting

three

okay step three is some made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of god

as we understood him and

me too and I have to put up with

in that step the word that I liked and still like the most is stored care

and when I think of how I am when I take care of something

I really

try to give my full attention to that and I try to be very gentle and nurturing and tending to the problem or the issue or the person

M. as much as I can and if I try to do that

I can imagine that my higher power does that a whole lot better than I do that and so there's a great comfort in in that word for me

and the other thing about it is

I don't believe that if let's say this morning I didn't get up and I didn't you know say

turn my life over I don't believe that because I didn't I didn't do that this morning god says you're out of my life today I'm not going to you know have nothing to do with you today you're just going to sort of

flounder on your own I don't believe that happens I believe I am in the care of god at all times whether I make that decision daily

three times a day monthly yearly whatever I believe I am in god's care the thing that I think step three is for me is it's a step of cooperation

there's a plan for me

and my job is to show up for the president to it and cooperate with it

when the plan is something I like

easy for me to do that I can do that with gusto I mean I can do that with great enthusiasm and I look really good but the days when it isn't to my liking either I'm not feeling well the people in my life for having issues or they're not behaving

once in a while it's my turn

what I don't like the way life is going it is still my job to cooperate with it to be present to it

and to embrace it and that's one of the things that the program has taught me I that has probably been the hardest thing for me because I like to have my way

really like to have my way I the but with but the best thing for me is when I have my way and it pleases you too then it's perfect in other words you do exactly what I want you to do what you like it

it

but my job in step three and I've learned it it is not always going to be my way but my job is to cooperate in braces and do it gracefully

and not have to make it where okay I'm not gonna get my way but everybody else is going to pay for it that doesn't work for me

it doesn't work for you either but it doesn't

thank you

well

turn my will my life really made a decision to turn my will my life over the care of god as we understood him

when I came in early in a

it seems like my whole attention was on mostly my drinking mostly my drinking life

and so I had to I had very little issue about turning my drinking life over to

the care of god as I understood him and the Carroll college loans I just wish I loved a lot of people the gift for me early in sobriety was that I thought it was just fine

I work with a lot of young people made in like a you know they didn't identify I identify I have trouble living the program but I didn't have trouble going to the meetings and I didn't have trouble with the people I liked the staff I didn't always do them but I like to