The 41st Hawaii Convention

he

the only real nervous about going into lately so he can

I am Barbara plainly very grateful member of al anon

it is wonderful to be here leave a basket in my room when I got there and all the people and then only a few times and just the environment here he is just wonderful he just can't help but feel excitedly and ninety

what nice weather that you have to really appreciate that even though it is rainy today

our

the community whenever right lay something or other

can I just tell you like when he called after he failed the name you know it's like a foreign language but I guess it is a little bit but anyway that's all the ones that I've talked to and been around I just feel like I'm at home and I keep forgetting that I was going to have to see if I can think about I can enjoy myself and I'm nervous

actually I'm always a little nervous I never know what this higher power display in my mail and I'm trusting that you got my higher power put the right words there

are you drunk you just never know where you're going in there

my home group isn't that particular very

I think is about six miles from our home actually I'm a resident of Oklahoma a co we pay our taxes

and

but the closest town with a

post offices Maysville Arkansas which is about three miles so that's how we get our mail and that's why my address is Arkansas but we actually live in Oklahoma

in the near term with the bank without repeating the very

he can't write a check when you get out of hand because he thought out of Missouri with an Oklahoma driver's license within Arkansas

you don't want to get stopped at the highway patrol leader because they question that

electrical alcoholic distillation unit

we talking about may's realistic it's a small town is probably around fifty people there and our city mall there's only one her grandparents you still a virgin

when I first heard that I thought that was so funny

we do have a filling station and local play the post office but

IBM has been allocated nineteen sixty eight and in fact I was thirty four years old when I came in the Allen on I've been out on thirty four years so now you know

and I loved it the little

I get all the calls lately but on your hands yes I call it hello

I don't know where that here today even when we are on the go to the open eight AM EDT there's a lot of smoke we are constantly backed away from all the smoking and I told my friend that carmakers are halo

let them

you can start medically the way I was raised in which leading up to this alcoholic I never ever thought I was involved with but back in my day wait as a young girl growing up my father took me to society that number there's certain things that nice girls don't date and you can't do those until you get married when you can get married do you graduate school

so I hurried up and he couldn't wait to get a little black and do what that is that a good lead I got merry and so far I graduated in may I got married in August and finally got to do it

it was a big disappointment

if the patient is greater than the realization

so anyway after fourteen years of marriage

I just think it's not the way it's supposed to be here all right we've had three children and it's literally on a with a with a mournful man he was even born I guess

you know he he argues

it already turned in things that guys anything like hunting fifty loading everything and breaking only got into sports car racing our money was going on there and time and there's never time for the children are here but this time we had three children and getting like you know what have you ever done a work we cannot be a hobby you know and

but anyway it just it just seemed like it wasn't working and so I thought I did not right now you know back in it my thinking is you know you can't take it out of it alive after fourteen years after he picked this guy in my house so I'll just buy you some money okay and so we got a divorce and when I look back I never had anybody brigade they marry every time I problem more detail barber whatever you think yeah

yeah

something about my personality

when he brought it to the working on their own without looking for husband number two yeah I know what I want this time I'm not just going after you know hard to get to be you know a lot

and I live with look pharmacy I wanted someone who would want to be a part of the story they told me you're looking at me do things together with the children I wanted someone who would be financially secure so I would have to work and I've always had to work and I thought now I want to stay home and play house I don't want them with a good job financially secure and I want someone P. for a hobby and I'm sorry okay and play with me and so

start looking for this the

I can hardly and I work for the state of Oklahoma at that time and we had they'll take the apartment and we would be and client to the Spartans there are there are not a three calls and I would write this letter to Mr Charles Farley who is eighty years later over the enrollment of the state and

we went to a rehabilitation convention in Oklahoma City and that my boss walked in with a young man with the other

L. and then here just because the district health currently so we said the same banquet table and everyone find look over here and I know he's looking at me after there's a link to this because over the convention we all went out to party at night I have a good night party because I love to dance take a love that needed their card on my chair I love to dance

but are there any carefully alcohol I would take it I ordered right because you're supposed to but I just want to land I found out that now and I can

I don't mind the Lakers Democrats believe that alcohol that they pay no money to pay but anyway I think are in the fiber drink very much use I would lose control and I didn't want to lose control and I would get alarm

so I guess I didn't like that feeling on your particular care about drinking and then I didn't and I love to dance and we go back there would be at the bars where you can dance let me turn around drunk because they couldn't thank you to pass out or get in a fight thank you as part of the deal but anyway so after that we had this vehicle we all went out to that party a little early and and if the party came to our table and that

we visited at night

reporter started like I always had to quickly are you married now he can't hear you yeah I know you want to marry one we had two children because I had three of my own I do want to handle anybody else's even here to know tell me about his job are you a great job and then what he did he did he would like to have them from time

even after every call but you're just looking up and he will go out for dinner what are your good pal I was living at that time with about sixty miles across the line made arrangements to get to talk to the next weekend

he lives there so I just had to go to the doctor

Intel last week we went out for dinner and I noticed that he had to use it right now I didn't know that it was very he had this bottle in the glove box of the car and he kept asking me to hand

and I asked her what is that called peppermint schnapps on the model and the on site on the net error where you just don't know a whole lot about fake news and whatever right and he said look now toward

it's always been

so when we started dating and then

there was something there was something about this live box only one time and I will

are you may have a drinking problem

I thank you very

good job he always was very polite and we love the children he really loved the children and they like him

he had a drinking problem what course now when I look back I never did know what he was like no because he's always very

so finally after it knowingly a quite a while years maybe longer because I knew I knew the name in the lobby before I get married but anyway and he said that land over here on the Oklahoma Arkansas online he only got a plan to retire there when I retired from my job he said I think what we could but if we get merry and giggly talks after getting married in the children were very very very long

and naturally said all that quicker job and call and will move over there and he had forty acres and acres will move over there and I think I can make a living for now and I can't keep going on my own and then I won't have to don't have to drink a large company and I was beginning to creep in pattern here but if we get one time he was going to have to entertain the people that had come from all right one two days but we're coming over to talk to Martin about trying to get there and we took them out to dinner and every time they've taken during spring break right so I could get back in my life that I'm living my grandma did you always

order three late goals are a line in the tribal

right that is the first time I'd ever seen him drive and

at least you know I thought lost control and I had turned my life over here this morning here you

Dr but anyway

article I thought yeah this would be a good idea to do a job application three cell last week I don't know even the card reader I'll build us a house on the farm every weekend we would rather not have moved to Tulsa and Lithuanian and partners there and we were commuting on weekends

Barmore he would build a house on the right I thank you for you let's say they measure their half board feet you would measure their plastic bag

if you don't get there are the lumber in Missouri and Arkansas families in Missouri where you can buy alcohol indeed exerts state line to buy the baby and he became a strong drink and that he and that wouldn't long after we get married there I got pregnant we got married December when we had a baby in October

people are quick try to handle the turtle and then that he had been Landry thirty have the Katalon and I'm every month are you taking out candle and I thought

how do you hand out of the Stormers here but you don't ask the former Camden County county activity well I've got five pounds I got forty five hampers and I'm not gonna break and everything yeah we're trying to go move

about a

when you're married to Carol man hours and sees about that that

we had a crown that didn't breed you need a murder folder filling cari one have a baby I was pregnant about nine

let them the only way we are we are commuting and are

he's stopping at every place he getting in here and then we stopped the next often have you been in the band

I know you spoke to drink and drive it was okay to drink beer

you know it's naive I got O. okay why would you not tell me the truth

so we finally got to help me out and I had this lady and I thought you know everything's gonna be fine you don't have to drink anymore

and so he had a friend that had a lumber yard not far here in Arkansas and he would be the working there and we built the chicken houses and that one from the pros pretrial about we can go for Titan that is very nice area and then we had forty five thousand dollars we're raising and then he started raising hogs he had a little

the card we could like when you're

it's great to have a holiday you celebrate off thank you going to turn out like I never did know for sure how much of everything we had your particular machine we had the Caroline about the four kids and a husband goes off to get ready and come back the next day

so it was that kind of

in our home and I always think about my monocular camera not good every time you go down there because they're down across the drop in our places you could be in down there I get my binoculars and walking and I think that that model in the country three and I'm I'm gonna make sure you don't get away get time twenty Levi's and temple I always wondered who he was looking for and when you think me and you know what to do and started yelling at somebody lined up somewhere when the date was there some other somebody I'm always working hard to my talking about Miley and

and when the

thanks because

he didn't know how far not architect of the mileage we had three vehicles because wrote down about my originally came back at all down my left leg ten miles from here

anyway it was dark with neighbor doll Anna thank like if they are you having trouble with that there's alcohol had greatly dominated my life even though I didn't drink it

okay getting more and more one hundred children in practice still her told her father the natural father you know about half crazy no matter what in fact that localities always say there's more affected by the non drinkers behavior than the alcoholic they knew what was already there they always call you back he really was a good father you can drive that bag he can impact out on the counter what are you thinking right around the house

the mother then you're hunting and cooking dinner here comes in the door nine carries not doctor claiming the cabinet doors and correctly and what is wrong with her

we get one time

I'm going to leave before he does and that way he can let down but anyway I don't look like I've got to I've got to go somewhere I got my car make life went down the road the car make you wonder where I am I don't know if you've ever done

you're on the road

later thirty at night pretty cool here in our area not that you don't repent reckoning around here we come

even though the containers in the dogs went down the road I'm looking over there I think

I read a lot and I can hear the other doctor yeah no wonder I got very

yeah Hey there might be a little right around about midnight I coming in on the voice yeah wait he's only gonna be wonder where I've been he passed out and had a wonderful evening nobody can drive you know

hello there market well if you don't make money trading how to bottle

if you have taken out the money with your body that you usually drink orange okay well he's always help

what you're doing

in

hi David finally colder data created the matter was acting I remember him saying something barber you know things don't change around your home I'm gonna take

yeah oh no I couldn't stand there for awhile and then I thought well I'll file for divorce and I

file but if the board

and then came home for her children are you how awfully like I came home and told sorry about a heated barber yeah well I talked to my name did you know I had taken the lead on the details

so I can only told a man so he could barbecue just drop the divorce opt out drinking the night before that's all I wanted to hear hello go back that is turning entailing nineteen I'm I got to take a walk along with her you know after that guy with let the health care of Louisiana on bank five common phone well now let's go by and you can start again yeah Hey it worked the last time all fighting inside McDonald or get a lawyer you know you're looking for something wrong with you

so I go to another lawyer now you go through the same thing you come home and you know Barbara is in the office of secretary

so get ready and finally

for the third divorce

three divorces are their lawyers to that town

the candidate only had three lawyers let me get one time in the day before Christmas it was cold in our area that that time Aaron honey I'm right down the road trying to find a I guess you know he's

he was inside of the eyelid already people because I went from there we only have two or three and so I could figure out late morning on our call Mike at night at home and then when they answer the phone what are you going to say you know I think

are you there

if you had the other night you're only trying to dream up thank you for your call may be fine if they're not home he is the one

let I thank I did not know if they were here like I'm trying to

are you were those nights that I couldn't find it or you don't worry about that well now I know you probably don't remember where he was interviewed with anyway

they are kind of violently on the road and in our area the creek River Road your

where the creature within the previous ones over the roadmap to high you don't write

no nothing the cars go up and down what it looked like it was too high and I started to do it in the year yup the card is out where your nearest doctor

and I don't know car park ramp so even though I struggled with his race car driver leeway our goal here I'm trying I guess I didn't know enough about the spark plugs to figure out where you're supposed to dry mall is open the hood of the car directories wires opportunities are made it we had to return the favor by lap and we're not even going down the creek and crying and I'm trying to get better and then wait around if water your body can be viewed at all wonder what is that crazy woman doing out right around right before Christmas and I think that I need help no no recommended primary target now there's only ever taken again now you know how many times until I finally got a diaper rounded back we

and I was dying moment right here just a little one on one thing it does is booked to go back to the right to a certain one thank you mark I think I don't know that we were watching that kind of thing owner but anyway I did get put back together finally got started not to get out that water interactive I'll never take anything

I thank the member I don't think I'd be a better deal than I thought I can't take I can't find any wide open doors to divide everything up when I could hear you make an impact on that track

and then

hi my name is

the V. as in Victor Hedman and they knew they were the problems with the manager from there I think the purpose often talked about alcoholism I never never heard of Allentown back in that time that you know they're just wasn't elected about out on you give me a lot about A. I. I've worked in a mental hospital is a secretary there for you

I thought it was a partner and so I. news about alcoholic because that's where they were created people around click or crazy so I really don't turn out calling I just need a credit card yeah he's ready calling about but it was calling an alcoholic thank

let them look at this later there's something about you need to get off the bank and if the elders and all the

tell me about a meeting with about thirty miles from our house in a town called Franklin Arkansas well protected by his when I'm trainer and being a sinking about how I. sixty eight Hanley terms impact on that ticket number you need help you better get something done for you

so I've made contact with this lady and I like the final and I don't know if any of you have heard don ale taan

and now the third time in her living room right but anyway I went to see her and then you can ask her reporter and I am

okay medical and you can block out planning he could not be too happy finally a little bit because you know I understand how you feel

number the first time anyone ever say that even my folks they did I thank their fans on family for care to think it probably is not that bad bank you know who is crazy in that family try to get the drinking I had the brain damage many lines

yes I feel so good that we had on Friday night and you go five days a year later gradients will bring you to your meeting

so we're not in this area everybody nobody ever knows all small my living thing hang on so I go back to the for the town this lady works for both the company and then he comes out of her office hello everyone monster energy three like you came out here Miami it all year the documentary here will go to that meeting where would I go home and I've read that people experience in China the argument about something on on apple to deposit a check and it hadn't shown up yet he starts building money into our lives I got so angry he got angry and

the financial market this time I did something is this when you make a mistake this time I'm leaving I'm not going to back out so I went to third lawyer

while the last time he had to live there I didn't

I just want to call me the day before leaving on Friday morning

make sure I've only after no I don't need to go after I got

album everything's fine now

Infoseek started talking to me about how you know I still carry the responsibility with an alcoholic in the throes of and I needed to go I really could go on and on I don't know what maybe you get a price and you take a new member you know I can send

when you get a little bigger something when you brought the new member something or like a Tupperware party bring somebody get a little dicey with please let us know adamant about getting different meetings are okay okay I

and so are all the way to meeting after meeting her husband and he was telling me about how many times he would go out on the road and as you can during the during

anything you don't have to wait a daylight on my way home but I would never wear a lot

Charlie

a little nice when you come home and so anyway I got to that meeting was about perfect kind of winning in the lead and the lady on the complete total but why they were there your living and work situations in mind a lot has happened in the other room in the mining out yeah you're my you're the sober

and with this one right explaining about the illicit alcoholic

it wasn't something he tells me that he had a physical allergies alcohol drinking is something different for him after the normal person

so when his mind gets down knowing that if we take that greeted me I think he starts drinking park back that would be great that brings the physical allergy making market drinking

and it could be

where the hell are you right now it's like trying to talk about that if if I had to when I get a drink of alcohol a year after you know like you said it like I do greatly today then I would take a drink well I'm passionate about fifteen minutes but you better hurry because I'm obviously

I don't know if you guys know that

is there any way

so I thought well maybe maybe I could maybe we could work out going away I go home and then told culture earlier that he did not get moved up three months after a contractor I think I know what the problem is if you want to come home and I told her that

with a little late I had my primary one daughter with where one would be a little boy with about two years old you have to be addressed in a crazy here with three kids anyway

and then I had this lady's mantle but the English they were fourteen twelve forty yeah anyway they were older and that meant when I told him that going on and what they said about the elected only did whatever it takes to help their

and unlike the relationship they had with their father even though he was thinking he would never ever had a line goes down they always work hard on the farm we had all these different things and when I get home I'll go back they had chores to do every night they didn't have time they couldn't belong to a lot of activities because they had to help with the farm

so anyway aren't I started going to meetings and targeted Victor back in when they tell you the number get off the back there's nothing you can do and so I get there and then I moved around the content you Kerry really expected that passed out hawking office and they don't

I don't know what kind of game he's trying to take an argument I would argue and what that really upset he called out on a lot of engineering

in that night it is not working I'm doing I'm trying to do what you tell me to do that he's dying he's laying there on that

he wakes up enough to drink and pass without legal sector impact out

if you currently really dynamic and barber he has the right to die he wants

not that's not the way both of these both take care of that anyway I but they are always there and always believe it you know I just retired power plant and we talked about this so you know it's a lot easier to talk about he always believed in god and I'm regarding your brain and I both agree what I'm supposed to do and when you're drowning or something like that you can react on personnel you know that my already down to three the lord my soul to keep if I could die before I wake okay he asked me to help you if you're dining at night you know yeah thank you so I just did it thank you are you there god three help during the daytime

it did not look at your life today

in fact I couldn't really talk about life being in management and my line is not taken because anything is and that are that address you can log in what are you doing here yep yep yep and I had to back out

so it is definitely my life at the national and insanity are not anything

I'm doing all these things my main thing is you just irrational behavior and how is your behavior about it like a little bit strange state

but I argue with everything they look like and we don't have a lot of the literature on the R. twelve and clearly the pamphlet

but anyway the group that are starting at all we knew was working

and and and the conditions we did have a lot of other later took that time so he was very very serious about working there and I just couldn't believe it you know like doing what they say that my life could change and so on medically target because I was coming home smiling he couldn't push my buttons anymore thankfully history when you finally can get in an argument he got

he couldn't justify going out getting drunk you could pick an argument with me

by going out and I

background I gave enough excuses anymore and so he had to look at his drinking and that's when he finally went to a

doctor Randy have you clicked after he started that he went over thirty three years in October

I've got a year head at

I'm sure it would have taken a year for me to be able to he couldn't stand we fell back and thanking god but I know I needed to learn how to use our change my way of thinking you know I'm talking gardens

crazy people they will never get a drink and that you're only going to grow up with an alcoholic

in fact I always amazed because you know you make these different couples together it's like god knows we get together and today I got a lot of credit for a lot of things that I thought I was responsible for

anyway I so I started going to a meeting getting really involved doing whatever he told me to do getting involved in service but you know whatever they said I should be and nine so things are going along pretty good sorry had to bring in quite awhile and kids all growing up and going off to college and that we always have the the daughter between if we call her prodigal daughter

and those things are just going like this policy and I need it everything's gonna be alright and then all of a sudden the daughters well practiced here no not got a clue one time I was talking to lately in the spring and she did not like goes on

on my window so when our plans came up today look like mine

thirteen or fourteen I don't know any more about that than I did not lose your safe return whatever anyway

I can start I don't know what that is as well thank you to you know get out of town for your dad

so

are you going to go after work to go way down it all the time we already moved

we are helping you happy

in Allentown when you turn your life a little god is light

three dollars yearly guarded not dating or allowed to be done what you wouldn't do yourself the end result and I clearly got male involved in an on going to meet almost every night because everybody was trying to drive to sign on to the meeting and we already twenty thirty forty miles away so we can start one back here so I got me a philanthropic

don't need all around the filling orders people along with although he did every night and I told her I feel guilty leaving all the time and he's gonna Barbara what kind of parents would we be if we weren't going to meetings

so anyway we're getting all involved in all these meetings and then quickly where my story was going here are gonna talk about this prodigal daughter

thank you for calling after he didn't belong to them because they're always going to these meetings

let friends so what you're going to be paying attention get off the bus and go down and I guess checking across the

one more

her behavior was beginning to get a little strange and I'm not that kind of with them one of the I can't remember the one that came out to do you know where your children are what's going on in your room and all the

checkering

when money looking little part thank

and I told her about the horror and you can get out of here now

and then one time I went in to get her and

right in a room photo courtesy not only does the car definer he got the baseball bear in mind with them like right now and we got it down the same road rage driver down looking for something like that but if you know your

he has to do it now

but later he did come in and talk to you I think I'm good in that and then you go over to gigs are going out the window so we didn't know when he was leaving her all kinds of crap at the right time to cancer like a good alcoholic you know just trying to keep track ever and I quit this job to stay home and watch and then when you are one night I went up to find and I couldn't find her and she didn't come home either the next day and we don't know why it happened so finally went to the court and went through the proper procedures to become a ward of the court and the final

that week that I didn't know where you live

I think that's when I really get a bottom electric chair of one three of all the horrible things that could be happening and then you think we should probably have a blast

there are more you know you know you know and it's like that back to the

you know god knows the end result but I want to know right now what they're going to be our only double one double yellow lines let me peek

what they think Barbara don't you don't learn faith that way that I can remember thinking is if my rewards for doing so I thought I'd turn my work and will do everything they are supposed to be doing and it's just my reward and artisanal barber god doesn't reward he Jenny boarded enterprise users thank you

of course the longer I stayed and I know that god did give a three wheel you know we're in all we're going to try to get try to get our will in line yes and it's not going to be any more I think there I don't really want to be your friend when the last one home across the neck not my go let

at least you're still angry about it first and then finally I had to give up and know that you know is it correct it's like you got a twenty one point

thank you Barbara what makes you think of your different

a lot of parents go through here okay I was able to get in what ends are Monday to kind of look at the pages when there's a crisis you going to do what you're doing is going to start the work right before the prayer

when you look back I can see now where we get started early you know we we don't know what we're going to take place tomorrow we only have today so we better get our strength is very

our to help you cope with what's gonna be happening

the only way I went about my business the one thing on the end but in different places taking children that don't mind a parent and you can get one available for the home our home so anyway

today the thirty six years old today that girl has a wonderful job he has a little girl a little girls now are twelve years old wonderful mother and wonderful daughter having a drink thank you for having a great year one for two years

I had to get in trouble for a long long time

it's a wonderful term and I can only see on any of my kids turned out all right right at me

yeah I mean it's interesting to watch the Canalys economy leading

darkening on packaging now started we talked about it you know so that we can do this by collecting ethnic thinking there's always going right now on

and I have to say you know I would be the kind of grandmother I

meeting owners so determined to resist other analysts you know heard her to change your rightful and that I think you know it it's not going to call you guys you know but if they don't start those things that you did were necessary for you to grease because it might be something you need to know down the road for your child and so you know I don't ever today it's easier for me to take part

in fact I can always remember about what you work the staff took that inventory I just wish I knew I'd be

delightfully bar when I was in fourth grade and

thank god let me inspire

no in fact that's what I think that's one thing that can't be here to know that god lead me and the people

like we are and I look back at my own time in the market and I took my business that's my pharmacy cigar doesn't change he loves you can park your car

like your own father and my own father was a wonderful man in our home we ever had drinking I had a father that was always their plan with us and doing things with this team over work every night everything was resolved around the family the kids

you say you don't want to embarrass anybody every cat so you know I had a wonderful father and I know that when I did something bad might return okay great from when I was released I get punished but you need

so I had to realize that my heavenly father let me just explain America even activate

why and that was good to know and when somebody learn to use the you try harder to be the kind of person that that person left you wouldn't explicitly on another list and I can

that we were coming home from our meetings and he's been sober about two or three years this time after you will think he's going to make it this time and I so I think maybe you do hit the man's and we weren't at that first two years of marriage were not very good I don't know how it is in most families that you know we didn't he didn't I didn't know him sober and he didn't know me so well either and so it was like you know I don't know about this and it's hard to change they kept trying to point out to me Barbara the stock cards here hate to tell you that they told me that when he took that first drink that's where his coping mechanism stopped and he took his first drink was fourteen and he gets over one thirty seven not everyone then that means he's only fourteen

so when he acted like a horse's cuckoos I just thought well he's only sixteen or sixteen you don't try to tell myself SO I wouldn't argue in that so anyway times you know you were going along this road I'm thinking you know if things weren't too good even surprised that I'm going to make these demands and he can make here's how we on on I must say this and then you're gonna say this an arm you know how we always planned everything

so I think

Charlie I'm really sorry for the way I acted as a missing sign said you were drinking

and I waited for him to be announced and then Asian night we can make it and he turned to me and he said you damn well should be

now I don't know how many of you know Charlie Sierra bending of the good news is that you can always personality in fact evidence over about ten years I thought I think it's time now he's been sober long and I can tell him what I think you have a really

so I told him when acid Charlie Europe even the most arrogant dominating egotistical SO me online now