Bob E. from Santa Fe, NM This talk, "Vulture on the Bedpost", is sometimes called "Headtrips" location unkown

time and tide parent group carton and what do you like having kind of forget about the clock and

well

okay

now aged eighteen you unlock that if California

Bob

a

the drug addict and alcoholic

this call may be lower than ours highly possible I have consumed far too much water

in order to you know I mean you can't just slide out light out and I've spent my whole life flight out United

maintain a low profile in the name of my

I am I am very pleased to be here I'm really glad that I dance computer

hi

if you want

that's something from the mother of the personally on the bother me at all

I would love to hear all the comments about language back and forth and I'm an alcoholic you realize this is what we're talking about language

and that

and over the years for me in the program I've come to learn one thing I really firmly believe from the bottom of my heart

find me from their heart mind soul does not care what words HT does

the only thing about the words if people choose to use express himself Alcoholics Anonymous is my head

I will probably send portions of our talking about my head

I have found the right is the only enemy I have

he has proved to cause me more pain in the seventeen years I've been clean and sober then all the people in Alcoholics Anonymous put together why did not like

our country for a long time I mean now people talk a little more about recovery and talk a little more about it right and you get the more features you know and lastly I drinking use okay now another that crap now let's talk about what's happening here right now which is recovering and I'm of the school I I don't you know that we all need to hear different things in the morning I personally personally

when asked where the surprising it

and it takes me five minutes to tell me what you need to be alive and finally to tell me about where they live now in recovery I get uncomfortable

take that bothers me yeah all right here about twenty years

yes

we all know we don't know how to drink or use

that's why we wouldn't be here look how I find out if it works if it continues to do for you away for you before you got here you wouldn't be here and now we can set that one aside and now we can talk about recovery because recovery is where I have found the pain recovery or had it just over the line I have never ever once had contemplated taking my life until I got sober

warar

you know that whenever you

I told her that I think about driving in the concrete about a mile

yeah

you know it one more day you know

and they have years of recovery in doing all of that and let's see if I realize it's only my own little boys

you know I wonder that governs the writing is that I am the last person who should and what's going on in my life

hi I am far better off leaving you to interpret that I am always interpret it wrong

we are bad for me

I like I figure it out that's good I like that I'll go back you know I mean I don't know

we cannot forget it

the matter in my mind of what

yeah

you know the education money to track you know how well traveled to that and that's fine and then wonder why many online you know

I thought this one up and it should be perfect

why I want a miserable hi this is the kind of career I could have I mean it's one of my dying you know all the collection will launch alright

and I have applied to my linemates sobriety and the beauty of a life or death boring you know

I forget I crawled in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous I heard a lady's daughter father died and died okay you know managed to get me here what got me here was what I saw neat guy

yeah I was in a window one day and twenty six years old and a hundred and thirty pounds and my pants were wet and living outdoors three months sleeping on rooftops I wouldn't want it without

and I crawled under the program log hauling non violently ill

and began to think

part of my

we're having that I don't have a disease

yeah part of my routine years ago Alcoholics Anonymous meetings which are nothing more than an extension of the dining room

where

all

bad

an inmate for three days and years and it's nothing serious

when it's over

Graham I preferred to work

I had wanted to go ahead and get into the classes that I get crazy cry cry all do the house read the book knowing you know it goes wrong

the other side

J. ones online as

somebody

we'll get anything unpleasant about myself

yeah I just discovered recently that I

now I can stand it okay what was it but probably why don't sound like you're

right after you know working as program to one degree or another for seventeen years you think you learned something or if you have but I just learned the last two weeks ago that I can't stand criticism

well at all

remarkable anyway

I find that my mind for me is my enemy because it seems to be

burdened with negativity

that never happened it's never content

I heard somebody say at one time and I really loved the alcoholic is a chronic malcontents

you know and I don't know about you but I am on my mind is chronically now you can

I am never tall enough I've never had

my clothes are never good enough the card every expensive enough I never earned enough money I am never intelligent enough my girlfriend is never pretty enough she doesn't Love Me enough bipartisan understanding enough to help it is breaking up

right

this

people gone out there have a good time in your life

news every night

I used to live here mine mine mine

all centered self seeking

there

and some grant money now the thing for me he already knows or minor because thank god the people Alcoholics Anonymous who really loves me he will challenge me immediately

I have a question or I might have you know

our on ice hockey team

or are they seem to get into it and they will challenge me on a media media but the one thing they can't deal with the self gratification okay you see mine mine needs no one

home alone and thank

and that it will work out the problem

yes

in forty three years and have never successfully worked on a problem

okay

some of you in this room will are well it's rational mature adults okay

probably the allergies

unfortunately I'm not

and it's impossible to make logical rational adult mature decisions in one's life and one is not the one

it seems that we are going to get a little assistance

the last thing mine mine once mine talking about mine

never ever at any time since I can remember

ask for help

that would want to hello recent hello would appreciate if you would mind your own god damn business

I would rather die

I am thoroughly convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that my head honestly god believes that didn't kill me and go on

the water out of reach before I really get in trouble here

in my head like a really sad they have that many

what the hell you're strong right

we do not put anything on the news organ incoming orders I

what do you do absolutely impossible killing situations and then he's like

your worthless

I began to help me recover from all this man is an Alcoholics Anonymous is one day I realized my head was spinning and very interesting thing they kept saying why don't we stay home

why don't we call her

why don't we do this why don't we quit our jobs

I'm just looking you know I mean here I am hold on

we

I don't know no capital now analyzes reason and me okay and saying we were having our

there might be another party that is trying to convince

we stayed because in my mind

so was the only power in my life it wouldn't have to talk to me

I would be like a comic con or robot it would be no need for her to speak to me okay but there's another part there is a soul there in that part of me that can be spiritually guided is that part of me that allows me to remain actually willing to kill you an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting was the first time

why my head didn't want to go to the meeting I have nine million reasons for not going to be but another part of me wanted me

another part of second hand

and are we ever want you know

we will stay here for awhile and had never wanted to stay Neverland alcoholic

most of what was being said from the buildings and overhead yeah Hey folks about how

detectives

I was twenty six years of age

and that was not a winning combination

apparently thought it was the kind I'm still here I'm here because people look past my mind to that other party

I'm here because people have a lot of love there was one lady in our

god I love her because when I got here ma'am I'm out

all righty and if it had less than or more than four letters I did not use it

because I just thought I could really get my point across clearly and concisely and simply was more than foreigners yeah

and after every meeting is marvelous beautiful just

and

alternating would come up to me and they're very polite and ask me how I was I would tell her

right

yeah

fire coming out of my house

in his mind

I'll be really delighted to sweeten the blasphemy and wish you well in our way St Louis and I was

and he had a gun and I started thinking the old price

thank you for young guys right

in order to turn around and you know

I need from you if you can help me

my head will tell me anything

about to get you out of my life so that you

think about that next time around cutting someone out between your ears

yeah it may just be the one person who can be more supportive

and your head and robin and steel curtain

years later I ran for one mission to gather a lot

I had no

I couldn't stand it

nine hours

yeah I got to tell

you might help me how could you

and

and sweet and loving and gentle and listened to the house and the anger and the hatred and the longer

who are out of line

while very sweetly she took my hand and she said

she said I will ask what you were saying what you are

melodies what I love I had no idea there was another car in the

a new protest you could have painted signs on my house there's more to you than your mind I wouldn't care I thought that's all our lives I thought all I was was my

what is pretty and what was going on between here which also was

which didn't make much of a person not much of a person I need to make people a lot of southern person and god doesn't help anybody who's not much over my head he did come to me

let's get back into things first we're going we're going to go

more

right

so

hi

we

we believe right yeah

I mean look at your legal name talk about spring

got a problem on the line movie strategy you want to pay to get a hold turnabout is what work we don't have a map for a lot of a lot of

yeah maybe some people forget where they are looking for you know I don't want to forget where I came from but love

he does not want to be openly and publicly in managing

we

yeah I need you to

I need to get

without you there is no need okay bye

here at

because it doesn't like you

because if I would be on the other level United Airlines

if I need a lot of C. level rather than thinking level rather than intellectual level

you have more power in my head

the living proof of that fact I includes over seventy years

okay

okay

and

some of which are broken and did not properly

and what I had learned because my hand is

something doesn't make it all

I heard you had a morning fire drill managed

ninety two percent

unless we hear never come to pass

and I went right

you know I ran all my life worrying about next week next month I wake up in the morning

the morning

it is always there in the morning I describe it this way because I know of no other way

sitting on the headboard looking that

hello

wait wait wait all right

let me just lurk in the shadows ways

your mind is like minded person might always good to me you're tired you didn't get enough sleep

fourteen hours on the board of the matter is the same thing

Larry hearing over the work today you are

well would you better or worse for you don't worry about losing your job

any other workers are you are you gonna screw up you know what you're doing is

but what I'll tell you

I know you want

the most

Graham only gently trying to get into the night

there were twenty four hours or something anything other than what's going on here

you know you probably as late weightlessness secretary

right and your minds like mine the next

not running a medical and your body

this

right

which is basically

so we're going to be

when it was over we

not really describe ours anymore you know right

yeah I locked in a company in the morning

secretary Tom John mas asi

on Oct on Iraq on the bottom of the door closes it down by that

with love and take care of each one of us now calling me out walking in the morning sectors as Bob

right hander Anibal to manage your own lock myself in the songs that I figure out what you want

when I was eighteen when I was a part

right opposite our attic or does not at all what you want to see in the

you know

this

hello there we've got a lot more unstable situation than the average person

I want you know I haven't

enjoy life

a friend of mine

making plans

the middle of it only compatible

having a good time if you have a sense of humor

the first party right or not to take seriously with me and estimates

really hard to even listen to ourselves all of our

background only one for the most part into all

I mean I had assumed that it was because of the information you gave me

but that's really not true

eighteen because of my interpretation information you gave me

the thing that happened to me in some variety come to me out of what appears to be the worst tragedies by surprise

without exception

okay

I'm sorry

that car abandoned granite he has my head is always busy interpreting already writing a little really sums it up

we need to figure out what that is not losing your job when you have nothing to do with the fact that you lost your job is bad he's working

it will help you lose your job I love it this is the worst cold in Maine the nation's medical

okay

however with the right people even and

I was a little concerned about that when I first got sober people that turnover

yeah let's get into your life a lot of certainly right the only thing I could do and what we stand out moment somewhere and say I will be yeah

I knew what it was for me

yeah

my colleague and I was looking at least a little bit

the twenty years over washing dishes in a man's world

someone talking about gratitude

this call may I have a good time here

and there's no doubt it made a lot of money is riding and never told me I could be respected what I do is right in order to retain my password all the ladies tell me how it worked very well and you don't have an education you should ask your

you don't have to trade your every apprenticeship program instruction popped out of all of

okay

I don't have a profession you don't have to carry the don't have an education

there's not much help

yeah

trying to get me to go out several things right

all right with that one and then you know I'll give it a shot online banking about so my nasco two years ago we had

he's got IT

border is that anymore I definitely fell out of the way and

make no sense to me at all day now than I have never been

never had more live more be more peace more or more

I understand any of

I understand

okay okay fine is there you understand your had a little trouble all

thank you for understanding maybe not but we've got

and he's already water

the glass

I think of holding behavior leads with the greatest

yeah

Hey I read a lot of the thing about judgment either whole I mean I came from background finally these people live in the street I ran straight to Rick Ross I read it and run it on the kind of person is always compatible digital deals which makes a lot of energy a lot of firepower

okay

so I knew it I got a lot of leads you can't hurt people around her

has anybody or anything god whatever whatever it was

there is no hope for me because my head

everything is made using a higher amount to anything because I haven't heard anything the user or cinema anything because

you'll never amount to anything and always entertaining and that happened to me that this is happening to you this is bad and if it happens it's bad

Florida's about a little gas bills lived outside the village somewhere in Europe and he had a son and a white horse on that no one horse and the white horse was devoured by

illegal and they were offering large sums of money to buy more

knowing that you know I'm sorry

the voice is my friend

and then there is a component that you're still held the money by

movement is lead by oil

now I cannot tell my horse

one morning all and welcome to the horse's gonna

he ran away

and there is all come right out our little man

the

hold your horses what error happened he has run away you have

no entertainment I don't know what the terrible happened Arnold is not here

more at a later date

a lot of

and in fact others

and evaluated ran out and we

yeah

your not only your right along it wasn't bad

more horses and now he's working

no matter that I don't know if

all I know is gone back to his primal forces with

and it began to help you know a lot about sixteen seventeen eighteen years

open right according to the six party is in contact with the big white horses boy was flown on one of the worst

the problem is right

and what

ran out actually

John you were running on there and he will always run it was not a good thing

the horse

back because not only

yes actually northern telephone number

hello divorce right away he came home with our forces and now my son was

I don't know the exact date

and I would later it's monitoring located one floor is much larger making and selling

in fact gathering all able bodied young men

all funds losing more battery every young man who waited on me and that

okay all

related

well

and what is your address

yeah you are right one hundred and

we are going to lose all our son and you have yours

the only thing I don't know

and he said I don't know if that works right away exactly

and I was woken up after the war

thank

the judgment the good the bad right and wrong the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous okay

very clearly and very precise we might get rid of all of our old

including Iraqis

well all of them

now

I had totally convinced first four years I was over in this program is the only way to get next to god was to become a good credit application right

if I did with my life good enough

that I could finally thought of dynamic credit when you go to the mall okay

hello

why does god five years within the same residence five years everything one to five years

the bank five years I was finally be good enough for us

I believe that

an inmate at the San

but I believe I honest to god believe

and I first four years might help Brian's doing that best job I mean how

get it on a credit application

I should have started here

when I was already still very worried about it I mean really worried about

and I understand not everybody understands

how do you understand and then he said to me god as you understand him I got this mental picture of an old man hi guys in this room with a book keeping score

but I mean we weren't even though there was no need for conversation or communication between us okay but every now and then I'll go to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings and I

in the morning and you know and answer the divorce papers and I lost my job and my car broke down you know

we had already let me all my money

so I don't know if you're not happy please note down and by nightfall annual rate accuracy return money right right

you know and

he said okay I'll call to prayer is not

and

overlap the drapes always be cool right can anybody looking to cash in on your

what is the head of

there are none I am delighted to be here I notice when people take their lives

what

the boys

shot of the boys thank god we have a program thank god my life is filled with people who will listen to my voice

I don't talk to my friends with any of the boys

J. as in a

another good idea

hold a lot of the drain plug into my bedroom kneel down

all my hands my voice which they forget it

got it only works for the good people if you're not one of the good people hanging in there and do it is that you can't

I went out automatically when I

all right what happened after the story was the first step for me

beginning

I understand god okay now I'm telling you is my understanding people eat anymore final when I came through for me

a simple story about human drinking in a bar in a last

one is a very religious man the other was in a

thanks for your conversation swung around god religious man look at that a religious man because I don't really care about

resumes his wife

greater god has proved not to be one we didn't do it

related matters in what manner did you give out a chance to prove himself

what about as much about a hundred fifty miles north of town

no no no no no when I look at this guy and I got it there is one I'm locked in and then at that

but this man is not a very lovely smile why you must believe your hair and it had not come back and ask about

well

finally lost one

in about two years clean and sober and I never called this out

I never dropped the phone and call

and I was sitting in a doorway and happiness

I have a phone number on

meeting for myself

and I want to okay only fifty times and dropping down and listen to this out

and I'm gonna walk away he knew that I had never

anybody or anything and her and I was called to be able to find another office somewhere that I don't even know

major

now they are not on it you can always do that I am here the result hello

when they have very little Darling manners forced anyone I don't normally use

he wanted to stay home state of the union

and I will happen and there is a Catholic

and when I was running around I can go to robin

all right it is only an excuse not welfare is I don't have a lot of money on

and so I look at him and he is a perfect actor model he was sent to me by loving god he fired

my head all through my sobriety tried to keep telling yourself and god will love you I've known that was backwards

god I love him and he will help me fix my

okay your diet

please turn Kate now do not run into in thank you

yourself and god will love you I had a moment with backwards

gotta love him and he will help me fix my

okay died Friday good luck

W. R. grace

but if you can deal with

yeah that's fine

cableway

hi guys

we got them all for me and I'm going to go stay with him in his old lady for a very simple reason there

all okay

your way Canada cold maybe we are both industry into these are a few thousand dollars

and

yeah that

and he did hello and I don't have any

learn about IBM apartment building a one bedroom apartment wall all the time you can

okay Gary they have to call it a

about what happened

there's a girl out in the hall

number two one four nine zero one

not

nineteen sixty three to nineteen fifty two with a private island no need to more girls only people or all of the incredible part of your program

read more

absolutely

all right

I walked down the hall and knocked on the door

god and your standard model

well he understands

at the door of a lovely little girl and on the other side of the door I was alive

okay I would not have been able to help

I would have started whining morning

I would not mind about how my fatherly running down the hallway and I heard he was involved with an organization that honors and

really and I could hardly help

there are hundred thirty pounds left hand

not only

eight on the door and they have to bring only my

two three hundred thirty five pounds

all I can usually on both arms and legs

you have to have all the food in her hand and now

I can't hear you properly

I don't

three people

I don't know her Atlanta area the other day thank

he died Saturday

you want and I am not ready to quit drinking

later

I'm terrible right back out of my head sizers animal

but I did try to cater and you know what

prior to that we can go on the responsibility of priorities and after all this

send me a car

he

you need a power

but talk to me about getting well enough to take care of me now and not a card on the Asian

I'm sorry I tased disregard most people

I don't require

people

home by American healthcare including me and everybody and people are

but I might have talked to the

yeah that's correct how to work with their three year annualized

to do it

like a Polaroid and what are they I don't ask questions anymore my mind

anymore than what is your source of information

one

never had to worry about all this information from

our day

one of her hearing about an injured in an early today

okay after bilateral

and that is an interest in that area that

everyone in that area got interested in Plymouth county out of care where you work

I thought about that for now yeah I don't I don't care

we care about where I work

the latter is money god doesn't care about money

god and money are not about

hi there okay

if you don't get it right now do you know god works through people

remind me all right I had he gotten together under a family of a lot of

in my mind and now if you need it planet money and women there's three areas that

I have been going over and over

a lot of

I have never ever in my entire

all calls in the middle of the night

he was crying

what did you all the card is one of three

my mind

take care hi in the next few years I went to work at I work at heart because I want god to Love Me and I wanted to be able to credit application and I thought I would I would yeah the latest figure at around nine

I don't know how to do it

and for a number of my former family financially bankrupt the court I was handling the money

they repossessed my automobiles

I had an uncomfortable and not by the buyers

no not at all

and I work in a car

in the morning

Carl Levin thirty dollars thirty five programmer ration got

I had to drive off in

coming back

good I can do it

okay

in the alley

I had always

you know we're more comfortable and you know all of our

in order of the car walking off with another job

after a year on the job

I think you're right now

yeah okay

on my head my head

hello to my birthday on the log

I'm looking around we came to visit there was a secret here okay there was another opportunity for

another

or

we could not

you know the right person to get

five years four years on the program and I couldn't find it you know because people felt better than I did and I have more money than I

and I mean

read more than on my body

my days are coming to

I work on this job

almost a year now there we can have a great time whenever you need them to mention

we we call that

yeah that is right

now trying to fix me

but I would be good enough for that

I'm gonna leave the

comment out there after the convention and we're right in the corner hi Ryan

Randy okay

if you have a higher level of education and economic get dropped off a jacket and tie

our world record mark Manulife one right behind okay I have different information kind of got hated alcoholic right I got a group of over three thousand on the back of the card

you know

never no never got that bad one day perhaps on the border of the corporations in there in the beginning I'm still rather high

on the mileage yeah

no communication with them at all they were normal and ran down the middle of the street you know

one of their problems okay

forty three years of age

next on their three year old daughter

yeah I have

the card what the hell you know

all right

the card that you

the warranty

one of my head absolutely

hello he had a conversation with

our house for the night

and Martha general

taking advantage of opportunities out of one and

okay the card about having backed out of get out in the southeast and managing director I'm going to work out another new car to drive away and I'm

I walked in the house of mine part of the furniture that's my ability

do you know what the hell

your honor I don't recall the name of

I don't want to help

Colorado and North

yeah but you know

okay why why are

my mother really doesn't like to talk about it but I don't three time loser

California my first job as always

a

transaction number two or four years

yeah I walked into the courthouse in downtown Denver

here are with people in a caravan you want but we have to get it out one way and then you look for

a fellow at the family home in a mostly involved

my mom started working like a computer

yeah

working lines of credit more time on the program he had another job ready

he had the money but he's working out I now know why