The Border City Roundup
hi
everybody
my
name
is
Beverly
for
now
and
I
am
very
grateful
recovering
member
of
the
al
anon
family
group
and
I
am
absolutely
delighted
to
be
here
because
of
the
airline
and
some
situations
beyond
Kathy's
control
she
called
me
a
few
days
ago
and
and
and
told
me
her
dilemma
and
asked
if
perhaps
it
would
be
okay
with
me
if
he
suggested
that
I
come
here
and
she
called
the
Nancy
and
and
explain
her
situation
and
and
here
I
am
and
I
am
absolutely
delighted
to
be
here
I
want
to
thank
Mike
for
picking
me
up
at
the
airport
I
was
expecting
and
and
luckily
I
was
looking
around
and
he
was
holding
a
sign
that
said
Beverly
and
I
said
you
don't
look
like
a
and
and
I
was
which
to
me
and
a
little
bit
later
on
in
the
evening
and
we've
had
a
wonderful
time
to
visit
together
and
after
the
meeting
this
morning
she's
taking
me
over
to
where
she
works
and
we
had
lunch
and
and
it's
just
been
a
wonderful
wonderful
experience
for
me
so
far
riding
Kathy
has
been
a
big
part
of
my
life
for
a
long
time
and
has
always
have
a
choice
I
enjoyed
listening
to
rod
talkin
death
that
I
I
I
I
know
Ryden
Kathy
just
ask
folks
and
in
the
Dallas
area
and
we
get
to
go
to
Tyler
and
see
them
there
and
and
they
are
just
if
you
haven't
had
an
opportunity
to
meet
rod
if
you
know
it's
a
privilege
and
and
I
really
appreciate
knowing
him
and
knowing
happy
and
having
them
as
a
part
of
my
life
and
I've
never
heard
bill
talk
and
I
thoroughly
enjoyed
his
story
today
and
I
I
have
an
association
with
this
love
for
motorcycles
and
and
somebody
was
willing
in
Maryland
this
summer
to
fulfill
my
wildest
fantasy
and
that
poor
man
probably
is
still
riding
around
with
a
bag
over
his
head
we're
taking
the
Allen
on
speaker
for
a
ride
on
his
Harley
I
really
knew
it
was
it
was
really
good
I
came
out
they
they
had
a
hard
time
plan
is
right
for
me
and
when
they
finally
got
a
hold
of
me
I
just
got
out
the
shower
my
hair
was
wet
and
I
got
outside
I
was
so
excited
about
finally
being
able
to
do
this
and
I
says
you
know
but
my
here's
what
I
really
hate
to
put
your
home
on
my
way
here
and
the
guy
who
rode
shotgun
with
SSL
honey
at
a
hundred
eighty
miles
an
hour
you're
going
to
drive
so
yeah
I
I
mean
I'm
about
living
life
today
and
not
missing
out
on
any
any
fun
and
and
I've
been
able
to
do
that
for
the
last
couple
years
you
know
just
to
get
in
there
and
not
say
no
to
things
and
and
and
I
have
I
have
just
really
had
some
awesome
experiences
they've
been
mixed
in
with
a
lot
of
things
that
are
sad
you
know
but
I
believe
that's
god's
plan
for
us
today
you
know
happy
joyous
and
free
as
a
part
of
it
but
life
goes
on
in
a
lot
of
sadness
gets
mixed
in
there
and
what
I
believe
today
is
that
it's
our
opportunity
in
our
in
our
real
privilege
as
part
of
the
growth
in
this
program
to
mix
the
joy
and
the
sorrow
together
and
blended
equally
because
that's
what
god
wants
us
to
do
and
I
believe
that
I've
been
able
to
do
that
as
a
result
of
this
program
and
the
steps
and
and
lots
of
friends
and
and
in
the
last
couple
years
you
know
the
friendships
that
both
robin
and
bill
talked
about
today
the
fonts
that
we
make
in
this
program
take
us
through
the
difficult
times
and
it
may
hold
us
up
you
know
and
and
keep
us
together
and
keeps
laughing
and
they
cry
with
us
and
I
doubt
it
I
don't
know
how
people
do
life
without
Alcoholics
Anonymous
and
Alan
identifying
if
I
sound
like
I'm
excited
about
being
a
member
this
fellowship
I
am
I
know
that
it
has
saved
my
life
I
was
born
in
Chicago
Illinois
and
I
know
that
stuff
without
anybody
in
that
family
standing
up
and
saying
you
know
they
were
alcoholics
I
know
by
what
I've
learned
as
a
result
of
being
in
this
program
that
I
was
a
product
of
an
alcoholic
home
and
and
I
am
recovering
from
that
today
and
you
know
all
that
I
know
is
that
there's
no
blame
in
that
you
know
a
lot
of
everybody
in
this
room
practically
was
obviously
but
most
of
us
were
raised
an
alcoholic
homes
you
know
we
have
a
way
out
of
all
of
those
feelings
today
and
I
think
that's
the
great
part
of
it
all
and
I
was
raised
in
this
alcoholic
home
where
more
attention
was
given
to
alcohol
the
children
and
they
celebrated
everything
they
possibly
could
you
know
just
on
Christmas
and
thanksgiving
and
sometimes
my
birthday
and
you
know
it's
fourth
of
July
St
Patrick's
day
graduations
death
the
whole
thing
well
what
happened
in
my
home
is
that
my
mother
would
start
to
nag
at
my
father
about
how
he
was
to
drink
at
these
affairs
you
know
she'd
say
now
this
thing's
coming
up
Saturday
and
I
don't
want
to
get
drunk
because
this
that
the
other
thing
and
the
kids
we've
got
you
know
got
a
make
sure
the
kids
are
happy
and
all
that
what
the
kids
were
never
happy
you
know
with
all
that
stuff
going
on
it
was
real
hard
to
be
happy
and
at
home
I
am
I
would
listen
to
all
that
stuff
going
on
and
I
feel
that
not
start
to
grow
in
my
stomach
and
I
knew
what
was
coming
so
they
would
have
a
full
fight
before
the
drinking
and
then
they
would
have
to
fight
during
the
drinking
and
then
they
would
come
home
and
have
it
a
real
fight
and
as
a
result
of
that
they
wouldn't
speak
to
each
other
for
a
couple
of
days
or
a
couple
of
weeks
depending
on
how
long
you
know
they
wanted
that
resentment
to
last
and
I
noticed
a
small
child
that
I
could
feel
that
knot
in
my
stomach
you
know
when
I
come
home
from
school
every
day
and
as
I
walked
upstairs
I
could
feel
the
tension
in
the
house
and
I
knew
that
it
wasn't
gonna
be
better
that
day
and
finally
one
day
I
would
come
home
from
school
and
I
came
up
the
stairs
and
I
could
feel
that
you
know
they
were
talking
to
each
other
and
everything
was
going
to
be
okay
for
a
little
while
at
least
what
would
happen
is
when
they
weren't
speaking
to
each
other
is
that
I
was
used
to
know
as
the
messenger
my
mother
would
say
would
you
please
tell
your
father
this
and
my
father
would
stand
you
go
tell
your
mother
this
and
it
was
a
really
comfortable
place
and
I
was
a
little
kid
you
know
it's
four
five
six
seven
years
old
when
this
was
going
on
so
I
had
this
feeling
you
know
I
I
think
these
feelings
were
already
started
I
came
from
a
family
that
I
believe
the
children
should
be
seen
and
not
heard
they
had
things
to
do
when
children
were
supposed
to
be
well
mannered
and
quiet
so
I
had
things
to
say
and
nobody
to
listen
to
that
and
I
felt
that
nothing
about
me
was
important
and
I
you
know
I
don't
know
for
sure
if
everybody
who
was
raised
in
that
kind
of
environment
came
up
with
those
kinds
of
feelings
but
I
felt
really
sick
insignificant
as
a
result
of
that
it
became
very
loud
I
you
know
I
raise
my
voice
about
cannot
get
higher
than
the
average
person
so
that
when
I
did
have
something
to
say
maybe
somebody
would
hear
me
then
as
a
result
of
doing
that
my
mother
would
come
to
me
and
say
lower
your
voice
you
know
so
I
started
teller
something
and
I'd
be
excited
and
talking
loud
and
she
taught
me
to
lower
my
voice
it
would
cut
off
my
thought
you
know
halfway
through
my
thought
was
initially
thank
now
finish
what
you
were
saying
in
a
lower
voice
and
I
didn't
want
to
finish
yes
I
have
this
feeling
of
stubbornness
you
know
if
you
don't
want
to
listen
to
me
the
first
time
that
I'm
not
going
to
tell
you
and
so
then
we
would
have
a
fight
she
say
now
tell
me
what
you
want
to
be
here
and
I
say
no
that's
okay
it's
not
important
and
I
kind
of
went
on
you
know
but
it
wasn't
that
it
wasn't
important
I
was
starting
to
feel
that
I
wasn't
important
and
so
if
you
know
there
was
less
and
less
communication
I
also
felt
that
my
home
was
an
embarrassing
place
could
be
idea
when
I
would
come
home
or
try
to
bring
some
kids
come
first
of
all
depending
on
what
kind
of
mood
or
atmosphere
was
going
on
in
that
house
often
times
my
friends
weren't
weren't
to
be
made
welcome
my
mom
had
wisecracks
about
the
neighborhood
kids
and
she
had
standards
and
and
all
kinds
of
rules
and
everything
and
so
depending
on
how
she
was
feeling
if
I
brought
somebody
home
she
could
embarrass
me
in
front
of
them
or
else
he
would
my
mom
was
wrestled
their
divine
discontent
she
was
not
the
alcoholic
my
father
was
I
think
and
I
never
knew
what
was
going
to
set
her
off
so
sometimes
she
would
embarrass
my
friends
by
calling
them
names
or
sometimes
she
would
be
restless
irritable
and
discontent
because
we
had
tracked
mud
up
the
stairs
and
what
I
would
approach
the
house
with
his
friend
she
would
yell
at
me
you
know
about
this
or
that
or
the
other
thing
and
I'd
feel
terribly
embarrassed
so
as
a
result
of
that
I
stopped
bringing
friends
to
the
house
because
it
was
a
scary
thing
to
do
you
know
I
just
I
didn't
I
just
couldn't
stand
that
kind
of
humiliation
so
I
stopped
bringing
children
home
I
started
to
spend
more
time
at
other
places
because
I
began
to
realize
that
these
kinds
of
things
were
happening
at
all
in
other
homes
where
I
would
go
that
they
were
listening
to
their
children
and
they
were
inviting
the
kids
to
come
back
again
you
know
and
another
day
of
come
back
tomorrow
and
play
come
back
you
know
next
week
and
play
and
I
think
I
mean
that
was
like
really
foreign
to
me
so
I
was
starting
to
get
you
know
these
feelings
inside
that
I
had
the
low
self
esteem
that
they'll
you
know
not
having
very
much
self
worth
value
I
was
I
was
terribly
jealous
I
you
know
I
I
was
lacking
so
much
attention
yeah
I
wanted
attention
so
badly
that
when
I
went
out
and
started
to
play
with
other
children
I
couldn't
only
play
with
one
other
child
if
there
was
a
third
person
involved
too
was
company
at
three
with
the
crowd
and
I
learned
how
to
manipulate
and
start
a
fight
to
stir
up
trouble
until
the
third
kid
and
it
didn't
matter
which
one
state
which
one
went
as
long
as
there
was
only
one
and
the
other
one
would
go
off
and
cry
somewhere
and
I
think
she's
all
mine
you
know
it's
all
my
friend
so
I
I
know
for
a
fact
today
that
when
I
married
my
husband
he
was
not
because
of
who
I
was
you
know
a
lot
of
my
character
defects
enhanced
in
some
decreased
but
I
already
had
a
whole
slew
of
problems
before
I
ever
met
George
I
made
some
decisions
that
as
a
small
child
but
if
I
ever
got
married
if
I
ever
had
children
I
wouldn't
embarrass
them
in
front
of
their
friends
I
wouldn't
scream
and
yell
and
holler
at
them
I
would
try
to
create
a
happy
healthy
environment
and
you
know
but
on
the
other
hand
I
thought
to
myself
I
am
so
ugly
and
so
tall
and
you
know
did
nobody
likes
me
that
I'll
never
get
married
so
there
were
these
two
opposing
thoughts
first
Ron
tell
myself
if
I
ever
got
married
it's
going
to
be
this
way
and
on
the
other
hand
I
didn't
think
there'd
ever
be
a
human
being
in
the
entire
world
that
whatever
want
me
for
their
wife
so
that
was
kind
of
how
it
was
for
from
a
really
early
age
my
father
was
a
real
find
drunk
my
mother
did
not
think
so
however
but
I
did
it
I
thoroughly
enjoyed
my
dad
he
was
my
hero
until
the
day
he
died
and
I
just
adored
that
man
when
he
drank
he
went
down
the
corner
tavern
came
home
a
little
sack
of
those
little
nickel
back
stuff
you
know
spend
a
dollar
that
my
mother
could
account
for
and
that
would
throw
off
the
deep
end
and
he'd
be
yelling
about
all
this
stuff
and
wasted
money
and
I
just
love
that
goes
back
to
that
little
junk
food
I
just
loved
it
and
he
was
funny
and
he
really
in
his
alcohol
I
was
a
man
in
his
truck
and
if
you
just
want
to
play
craps
and
for
her
to
get
off
his
back
you
know
he
just
he
just
want
to
play
with
the
guys
just
sit
there
and
have
a
few
beers
and
purchased
a
shotgun
and
I
often
wondered
why
he
couldn't
do
that
he
did
it
in
my
opinion
he
just
didn't
seem
to
be
bothering
anybody
he
I
could
see
he
was
having
fun
and
there
wasn't
a
whole
lot
of
fun
in
our
house
and
he
would
get
out
with
those
guys
in
the
backyard
without
you
know
barrel
of
beer
and
ate
the
supposedly
sending
a
boat
or
doing
something
like
that
and
he
was
having
fun
and
she
get
out
there
you
know
just
start
on
him
and
you
know
I
wanted
her
to
do
whatever
he
would
tell
you
to
you
know
get
off
his
back
in
so
many
words
and
so
you
know
this
this
feeling
that
I
just
didn't
like
my
mother
started
to
grow
and
grow
and
the
more
that
it
grew
the
more
I
like
my
dad
my
mom
in
this
kind
of
process
interfered
with
my
relationship
with
my
dad
she
was
always
trying
to
tell
me
things
about
him
so
that
I
would
have
a
lower
opinion
of
him
our
share
the
same
opinion
of
him
that
she
shared
and
so
as
a
result
of
that
I
never
really
got
to
know
my
dad
it
was
kind
of
like
off
here
I
thought
it
was
a
neat
guy
but
I
really
didn't
know
who
he
was
in
nineteen
seventy
eight
my
mom
died
in
a
couple
months
after
that
my
father
had
to
have
back
surgery
and
I
went
to
California
and
stayed
with
him
for
a
week
after
he
got
out
of
the
hospital
in
October
and
that
came
to
be
something
that
I
did
for
the
next
ten
years
until
he
finally
came
to
Texas
in
nineteen
eighty
eight
and
because
as
a
result
his
cancer
was
coming
out
of
remission
and
he
came
with
us
to
live
and
during
that
time
I
got
to
know
my
dad
and
and
have
a
great
time
with
him
and
we
formed
a
relationship
that
I
never
had
that
that's
kind
of
jumping
ahead
because
it
that's
all
about
a
man
city
and
it
was
some
of
it
happened
before
the
program
and
some
of
it
happened
after
the
program
but
the
fact
is
is
my
dad
was
my
hero
and
I
had
a
chance
to
to
get
to
be
on
to
just
have
a
wonderful
friendship
with
him
so
we
had
when
I
was
a
fourth
grade
we
moved
from
Illinois
to
are
from
Chicago
into
a
suburb
and
it
was
a
time
when
I
was
the
center
of
attention
for
a
short
period
of
time
in
school
and
I
really
needed
that
but
then
after
a
while
everybody
should
be
for
the
cafeteria
was
and
how
the
school
was
laid
out
and
after
that
they
kind
of
dumped
me
and
I
was
left
on
my
own
and
so
that
few
days
of
feeling
really
important
went
down
the
drain
and
and
I
was
left
but
surely
I
started
to
formulate
friendships
and
they
were
strong
friendships
and
I
had
them
until
I
was
a
senior
in
high
school
and
the
summer
between
my
junior
and
senior
year
in
high
school
my
father
lost
his
job
that
he
had
for
quite
a
long
time
and
he
was
offered
a
job
in
Salt
Lake
City
actually
Ogden
Utah
and
they
decided
to
take
it
and
we
left
my
father
left
to
take
this
job
about
five
months
before
my
mom
and
and
the
kids
my
sister
brother
and
I
went
and
when
we
when
we
got
to
Utah
my
mother
and
father
went
through
one
of
the
worst
periods
of
time
that
I
had
ever
known
I
mean
they
had
fought
bitterly
most
of
the
time
from
the
time
I
was
born
but
this
this
next
period
of
time
was
one
of
the
worst
that
I
could
ever
remember
here
I
moved
there
and
I
was
lonely
I
had
left
all
the
friends
that
I
had
from
fourth
grade
I
changed
schools
three
times
that
year
I
ended
up
walking
the
streets
a
lot
I
had
enough
credits
to
graduate
and
I
just
couldn't
get
into
things
I
not
only
felt
different
outlooks
different
I
mean
I
had
we
had
gauged
our
whole
life
to
American
Bandstand
and
you
know
I
was
wearing
a
whole
set
of
clothing
that
was
totally
different
from
anything
that
the
kids
in
Utah
we're
wearing
flawless
like
I
belonged
on
the
corner
with
the
guys
on
the
Harleys
and
you
know
I
did
not
belong
with
these
little
well
dressed
Mormon
girls
and
so
I
mean
no
matter
where
I
look
I
just
didn't
fit
you
know
always
trouble
with
going
on
at
home
my
mom
was
accusing
my
father
of
doing
things
I
don't
know
whether
you
did
or
not
it
doesn't
really
matter
but
it
caused
chaos
in
that
house
the
likes
of
which
I
had
never
felt
before
and
they
had
fought
bitterly
up
until
that
time
I
numbers
of
occasions
but
that
particular
year
was
absolutely
the
worst
I
have
ever
experienced
and
I
had
nowhere
to
go
I
mean
I
didn't
have
any
friends
I
will
I
couldn't
get
it
you
know
into
the
school
we
moved
three
times
and
change
schools
with
armed
it
isn't
that
big
of
a
community
but
they
kept
going
to
the
different
geographic
areas
where
we
had
to
end
up
in
a
different
high
school
so
my
mom
right
away
from
home
three
times
that
year
and
I
was
left
to
take
care
of
my
sister
and
my
brother
and
you
know
I
was
just
I
I
just
felt
absolutely
that
there
was
no
despair
that
would
ever
come
to
that
it
was
what
I
thought
one
of
my
black
or
days
to
come
I
would
come
to
find
out
that
before
I
got
in
this
program
I
was
to
have
many
days
that
were
much
blacker
than
that
after
I
found
I
did
graduate
from
high
school
my
father
got
me
a
job
at
the
company
where
he
worked
with
the
defense
corporation
and
they
had
some
clerk
jobs
available
and
they
he
helped
me
to
get
a
job
after
I
was
there
for
a
short
period
of
time
one
of
our
calculator
is
broken
this
man
came
in
with
his
little
suitcase
to
fix
our
calculators
and
at
that
time
he
was
married
and
he
did
his
job
and
he
laughed
and
and
I
didn't
know
what
that
was
all
about
me
tell
me
that
these
guys
are
vendors
and
they
come
in
to
fix
the
machines
well
a
couple
weeks
or
months
went
by
I'm
not
really
sure
which
are
calculator
broke
again
and
this
man
came
in
and
now
he's
divorced
and
he
asked
me
to
go
out
on
a
date
and
I
was
still
overweight
by
that
time
the
the
year
have
not
done
I
had
not
done
me
justice
and
I
looked
as
bad
as
I
felt
that
time
and
this
guy
came
in
and
asked
me
for
a
date
and
I
thought
that
I
had
died
and
gone
to
heaven
and
I
said
yes
and
you
know
he
was
two
hundred
and
some
odd
pounds
and
I
was
not
far
behind
him
and
you
know
I
mean
we
were
a
good
match
and
and
he
was
were
in
much
despair
I
mean
he
was
just
coming
out
of
this
divorce
and
he
was
really
sure
he
wanted
to
be
divorced
and
he
needed
somebody
to
make
you
laugh
and
he
told
me
I
made
him
laugh
and
you
know
I
mean
it
was
just
I
I
just
thought
I
died
and
went
to
heaven
so
we
went
out
on
a
couple
of
dates
and
if
I
would
have
known
anything
about
alcoholism
I
would've
known
I
was
in
for
a
long
hard
ride
but
the
fact
is
that
he
was
exciting
and
and
I
and
I
just
I
mean
you
know
it
just
pumps
me
up
I
just
felt
good
taste
in
cars
that
were
lost
and
and
he
kissed
me
good
night
at
midnight
any
fall
off
the
porch
and
any
some
nights
we
were
getting
just
a
little
bit
later
I
was
only
twenty
years
old
and
I
had
a
curfew
and
and
I
had
to
be
at
a
certain
time
but
I
thought
if
I
tiptoed
in
maybe
we
wouldn't
wake
her
up
and
you
know
some
nice
to
be
out
the
door
bell
like
this
need
to
lean
into
the
door
and
she'd
be
coming
out
to
the
door
and
yelling
at
me
about
being
late
and
everything
and
I'd
be
embarrassed
and
all
that
stuff
went
on
and
saw
that
the
profit
that
also
happen
to
notice
that
my
mother
decided
she
did
not
like
him
he
was
a
lot
older
than
me
she
thought
that
I
would
do
much
better
with
a
guy
closer
to
my
age
and
and
but
on
the
other
hand
my
father
adored
him
she
he
charged
absolutely
adored
George
and
I
came
to
understand
you
know
as
time
went
on
and
we
certainly
after
we
got
into
this
program
that
my
father
George
like
each
other
because
they
both
have
something
in
common
which
was
the
alcohol
and
they
were
going
to
kitchen
and
have
a
couple
of
snorts
behind
the
wall
and
come
out
with
a
little
cocktail
for
the
girls
and
you
know
and
they
just
had
a
great
time
together
after
a
short
period
of
time
George
would
end
up
passing
out
my
father
go
to
bed
my
mother
through
an
Afghan
over
George
tell
let
himself
out
you
know
and
and
that's
just
how
it
was
it
was
that
it
was
acceptable
it
was
the
only
thing
I
knew
George
was
not
doing
anything
different
and
of
course
I
would
love
him
why
not
you
know
I
went
out
on
a
couple
of
occasions
with
guys
who
played
chess
you
know
you
want
to
drink
herbal
tea
and
play
chess
in
their
backyard
and
and
I
think
they
knew
all
the
varieties
of
birds
and
flowers
and
leaves
and
I
thought
they
were
the
most
boring
individuals
on
the
face
of
the
earth
you
know
I
wanted
a
guy
on
a
Harley
I
wanted
on
the
let
my
heart
beat
now
I
was
alive
you
know
this
is
this
normal
stuff
was
you
know
was
not
for
me
and
I
don't
know
why
you
know
I
didn't
know
that
that
alcoholism
and
all
that
insanity
was
all
that
I
knew
and
and
life
other
than
that
was
boring
and
I'm
for
peace
and
serenity
today
but
it
has
taken
me
almost
thirteen
years
to
get
there
so
anyhow
I
brought
I
I
wouldn't
be
here
about
a
year
and
a
week
after
we
were
dating
we
ended
up
getting
married
and
other
criteria
for
our
marriage
was
he
saw
the
Oldsmobile
convertible
and
bought
a
Volkswagen
because
he
couldn't
afford
me
in
the
Oldsmobile
and
that
was
okay
so
as
a
result
of
that
you
know
I
wasn't
I
wasn't
very
worldly
and
and
nine
months
and
two
days
later
I
ended
up
with
the
baby
and
you
know
that
was
kind
of
funny
if
you're
walking
around
in
your
calendar
video
pregnant
you're
kind
of
the
center
of
attention
and
I
really
enjoyed
being
the
center
of
attention
and
then
when
I
got
to
be
about
eight
and
three
quarter
months
pregnant
I
looked
down
at
my
father's
house
and
thought
how
is
all
of
that
going
to
come
out
and
then
what
am
I
gonna
do
with
it
after
it
arrives
and
you
know
it
all
that
reality
hit
me
about
what
I
was
facing
you
know
and
so
I
ended
up
with
this
baby
and
thank
god
my
sister
like
little
kids
and
she
was
six
years
younger
than
I
was
and
she
came
over
and
helped
me
get
through
the
first
few
months
of
having
a
child
because
I
literally
did
not
know
anything
about
having
a
child
the
other
thing
that
I
had
already
come
to
understand
is
about
two
days
after
we
got
married
my
husband
went
to
work
and
did
not
come
home
for
the
next
twenty
two
years
and
that's
not
a
joke
that's
just
the
way
it
was
with
his
alcoholism
he
stayed
at
work
he
left
at
five
o'clock
in
the
morning
six
o'clock
in
the
morning
he
didn't
come
home
till
ten
or
eleven
o'clock
at
night
I
could
count
on
one
hand
the
number
of
times
on
a
Monday
through
Friday
in
twenty
two
years
of
marriage
first
twenty
two
years
of
marriage
that
he
came
home
and
ate
dinner
with
us
it
was
about
five
as
a
result
of
that
I
wasn't
so
much
focused
on
the
alcoholism
because
that
was
normal
I
didn't
I
I
mean
it
didn't
even
phase
me
the
drinking
didn't
even
faze
me
but
the
fact
that
he
didn't
come
home
is
what
I
got
upset
over
and
it
made
me
restless
irritable
and
discontent
and
all
of
the
promises
that
I
made
that
I
was
not
going
to
be
like
my
mother
and
my
kids
in
front
of
their
friends
and
I
wasn't
gonna
scream
and
yell
and
holler
at
them
and
I
wasn't
going
to
create
that
kind
of
pain
I
was
going
to
bake
cookies
and
be
a
sweet
mother
in
and
out
all
of
those
things
that
I
wanted
I
couldn't
accomplish
I
couldn't
do
one
I
was
a
screamer
and
a
Yeller
and
I
was
restless
irritable
and
discontent
and
I
knew
that
if
my
husband
would
just
come
home
from
work
everything
would
be
OK
I
didn't
know
what
was
causing
it
what
the
what
the
problem
really
was
I
didn't
know
that
we
had
alcoholism
so
anyhow
I
had
nowhere
else
to
vent
this
anger
all
of
this
frustration
and
I
did
take
it
out
on
my
kids
and
I
could
stand
up
here
for
a
long
time
and
describe
to
you
a
number
of
events
for
about
my
insanity
which
are
pretty
sight
and
but
the
thing
that
probably
happened
that
in
just
a
couple
of
words
would
describe
it
as
one
day
the
kids
were
by
now
on
what
I
ended
up
with
you
I
have
two
sons
they
were
born
exactly
two
years
apart
and
they
were
about
eleven
and
thirteen
and
it
was
a
rainy
day
and
they
invited
some
of
their
friends
in
the
neighborhood
to
come
and
play
monopoly
and
they
were
sitting
down
in
the
rec
room
at
a
picnic
table
and
they
were
playing
and
I
got
crazy
over
something
and
you
know
it
could
have
been
a
cult
that
wasn't
hung
up
properly
if
that
that
wasn't
made
exactly
perfect
it
could
have
been
anything
and
I
flew
down
those
basement
stairs
and
I
started
to
raise
hell
with
those
kids
and
it
wasn't
but
a
few
minutes
the
game
was
put
away
the
kids
were
gone
and
one
of
the
boys
came
upstairs
and
they
said
why
do
you
always
have
to
embarrass
us
in
front
of
our
friends
and
I
stood
there
and
couldn't
give
you
the
answer
I
didn't
know
what
was
wrong
with
me
that
I
had
to
do
that
to
those
kids
we
moved
several
times
while
the
kids
were
growing
up
we
went
from
Utah
to
Pennsylvania
and
from
Pennsylvania
to
New
Jersey
my
husband
was
able
to
progress
up
the
corporate
ladder
in
spite
of
his
alcoholism
I
I
had
I
have
a
lot
to
be
grateful
for
because
I
always
got
a
paycheck
I
really
to
this
day
do
not
know
how
that
man
got
his
money
to
drink
but
he
gave
me
his
paycheck
and
so
we
were
never
without
lights
or
water
or
you
know
one
roof
over
our
heads
income
with
tight
you
know
there
was
a
lot
of
times
were
we
couldn't
have
some
of
our
wants
but
most
of
the
time
all
of
our
needs
were
met
and
I
am
grateful
for
that
today
because
I
know
that
alcoholism
takes
some
of
you
down
paths
where
you
don't
have
your
needs
met
and
I
know
that
just
for
that
little
part
I
have
a
lot
to
be
grateful
for
that
during
the
worst
and
most
active
years
of
George's
alcoholism
that
all
of
our
needs
were
met
we
were
taken
care
of
our
emotional
needs
were
met
but
are
you
know
we
have
food
clothing
and
shelter
and
those
are
the
spiritual
promises
of
god
that
we
have
those
things
and
I
had
to
come
to
understand
as
alcoholism
progressed
in
our
house
I
doubt
that
there
are
varying
degrees
of
what
food
clothing
and
shelter
looks
like
and
I
had
to
come
to
accept
some
other
variations
of
that
with
the
help
of
this
program
and
I'll
tell
you
about
that
in
a
little
while
so
anyhow
George
progressed
and
we
had
this
opportunity
to
move
to
Texas
and
one
of
the
other
promises
that
I've
made
you
know
when
I
had
to
move
when
I
was
a
senior
in
high
school
that
was
such
a
painful
thing
for
me
and
I
promise
if
I
ever
got
married
if
I
ever
had
children
I
wouldn't
do
that
an
idea
when
our
kids
were
sophomore
freshman
and
a
junior
in
high
school
George
had
this
opportunity
to
move
to
Texas
and
we
took
the
opportunity
and
we
moved
and
I
wanted
to
get
out
of
the
east
coast
and
I
knew
that
if
we
could
just
get
to
Texas
everything
was
going
to
be
better
you
know
one
of
those
your
graphics
that
you
take
thinking
that
you
know
if
you
just
got
to
a
different
place
a
different
house
a
different
community
and
he
was
with
different
people
that
he
was
working
with
it
was
going
to
be
different
he
was
gonna
start
to
come
home
from
work
and
we're
gonna
start
to
be
a
family
and
I
had
all
those
dreams
and
all
of
those
hopes
and
of
course
we
were
in
Texas
about
thirty
seconds
and
I
realized
it
wasn't
going
to
be
any
different
than
it
had
been
anywhere
else
but
the
thing
that
could
start
to
happen
is
that
not
only
I
had
shorted
out
the
hole
is
in
progress
to
a
place
where
you
know
it
had
just
become
bizarre
well
he
was
drunk
more
often
than
he
was
sober
well
also
started
to
happen
and
it
took
me
a
little
while
to
catch
on
is
that
my
kids
were
indulging
in
drugs
and
alcohol
and
they
were
about
thirteen
fifteen
fourteen
and
sixteen
years
old
when
we
moved
to
Texas
I'm
Stephen
got
a
pickup
truck
when
we
moved
there
and
you
know
and
I
thought
that
it
was
gonna
be
just
wonderful
and
I
was
going
to
try
to
participate
and
try
to
make
it
better
for
them
and
I
was
going
to
try
not
to
yell
and
I
was
gonna
try
not
to
scream
and
holler
and
just
you
know
we
think
we
could
start
life
over
and
make
it
better
and
yet
the
result
of
that
one
day
you
know
I
just
was
trying
to
do
my
very
best
really
be
different
and
as
a
result
of
that
they
came
home
from
school
one
day
with
a
little
bag
of
seeds
and
they
said
that
they
were
going
to
the
full
science
project
and
each
child
in
the
classroom
was
given
a
full
bag
of
mystery
C.
yeah
and
I
I
love
plants
I
still
I
still
love
plants
and
so
I
said
to
them
that
I
would
be
most
happy
with
their
science
project
and
so
I
had
ten
flora
park
in
my
garage
and
I
went
down
to
the
nursery
got
a
nice
big
bag
of
potting
soil
and
we
got
busy
on
our
science
project
and
we
planted
a
mystery
fees
and
I
knew
that
the
we
have
a
house
that
faces
north
and
south
in
my
bedroom
window
has
total
southern
exposure
in
the
sun
comes
in
there
and
it's
really
a
nice
setting
for
starting
plants
and
so
we
put
all
can
flower
pots
of
mystery
faith
in
my
bedroom
and
I
and
I
make
sure
that
they
were
watered
and
asked
a
sprouted
you
know
they
lean
towards
the
sun
and
I
turned
a
little
pot
and
and
the
little
plants
would
grow
and
the
neighborhood
kids
were
you
know
they
make
friends
in
the
in
the
neighbors
were
coming
in
and
taking
a
look
at
our
project
and
and
I
was
asking
whether
or
not
they
were
taking
notes
and
and
you
know
I
I
come
home
for
lunch
in
a
little
fees
got
higher
and
I'm
turning
them
you
know
and
I
mean
I
am
really
into
our
science
project
and
the
thing
that
was
exciting
to
me
is
that
the
neighbors
were
into
our
science
project
can
every
day
this
little
trailer
boys
would
come
through
the
house
in
the
bedroom
swing
back
around
and
go
out
you
know
they
say
you
know
if
you
were
doing
great
this
is
burned
out
you
know
I'm
out
the
door
they
go
and
I
was
taking
a
lot
of
pride
in
if
it
was
like
it
was
my
own
personal
victory
that
our
mystery
seeds
raw
growing
in
one
day
they
got
up
to
be
about
this
tall
and
they
were
really
gorgeous
and
I
said
you
know
I
think
we
have
ten
parts
of
miracles
and
they
said
yeah
you
know
you
might
be
right
we
probably
do
have
miracles
and
then
I
got
up
about
this
tall
and
they
were
a
real
lush
dark
green
and
the
leaves
were
getting
a
little
bit
bigger
and
they
have
wonderful
points
all
over
him
and
I
said
you
know
I
think
these
are
gonna
be
hybrid
miracles
and
so
it
was
coming
close
to
the
end
of
the
finance
project
and
and
I
was
really
delighted
with
her
progress
and
you
know
I
was
making
sure
that
we
were
taking
notes
and
I
K.
I
worked
in
a
bank
and
I
got
home
on
a
Friday
night
about
seven
o'clock
and
nobody
else
was
in
the
house
George
of
course
had
not
come
home
from
work
and
the
boy
that
scattered
for
the
evening
and
and
I
went
into
the
bedroom
to
change
my
clothes
in
the
pots
were
there
and
the
plants
were
gone
and
I
just
got
I
was
just
devastated
I
thought
my
god
for
like
five
and
three
quarter
we
can
do
this
project
and
they
failed
and
I
like
I
thought
no
what's
that
science
teacher's
name
and
I
got
a
call
and
I
and
I
couldn't
think
and
I
thought
no
I
won't
do
that
what
can
I
do
and
I
was
so
upset
and
I
thought
OK
I'll
just
have
to
wait
until
Monday
I'll
take
some
time
off
work
I
run
down
to
the
school
I'll
explain
to
the
science
teacher
what
happened
how
did
the
effort
we
put
into
this
that
we
really
did
have
a
project
going
and
and
in
the
meantime
you
know
I
change
my
clothes
and
put
the
laundry
away
and
so
when
I
went
to
discuss
closet
to
put
the
laundry
away
the
mystery
faith
with
contact
on
the
inside
of
the
closet
wall
and
I
stood
there
and
I
looked
at
those
things
and
and
I
knew
what
they
were
you
know
I
think
the
Nile
is
the
most
awesome
gift
that
we
are
given
before
we
get
into
the
program
a
Valentine
and
Alcoholics
Anonymous
because
you
know
it
just
it
gives
us
the
opportunity
to
live
to
just
stay
alive
somehow
you
know
it's
not
that
our
souls
are
alive
or
or
anything
but
denial
helps
us
to
just
survive
and
I
had
this
moment
of
clarity
and
I
knew
those
were
miracles
I
knew
that
that
was
marijuana
and
I
was
and
I
was
just
absolutely
devastated
and
then
this
range
came
over
me
and
I
was
so
angry
because
I
had
made
a
fool
of
myself
in
front
of
all
of
these
neighbor
kids
I
had
a
lot
of
my
kids
to
make
a
fool
of
me
and
and
when
you
made
a
full
of
you
know
and
you
feel
embarrassed
I
felt
rage
and
a
lucky
thing
for
that
entire
family
for
that
particular
day
is
that
they
weren't
there
because
I
think
I
have
a
I
have
the
kind
of
rage
inside
of
me
that
really
is
uncontrollable
and
I
would
have
killed
somebody
or
hurt
them
had
cafe
and
walked
in
the
house
at
that
time
and
that's
going
on
I'm
also
starting
to
notice
that
we're
missing
tools
in
our
garage
that
pieces
of
jewelry
are
gone
when
you
have
teenagers
that
are
doing
drugs
and
L.
and
they're
alcoholics
they
don't
make
enough
money
you
know
carry
in
sacks
of
groceries
out
at
the
grocery
store
to
maintain
that
sort
of
thing
and
they
steal
and
you
know
and
I'm
confronting
them
about
what
they're
stealing
and
I'm
saying
where
did
this
go
and
Scott
will
go
I
don't
know
mom
I
don't
think
we
ever
had
one
of
those
and
then
he
said
well
I
don't
know
ask
Stephen
about
that
so
I
would
say
Steve
where
did
that
go
and
Stephen
gonna
think
we
ever
had
one
started
we
have
one
of
those
vehicles
no
we
don't
have
one
of
those
and
I
think
we'll
have
to
be
crazy
in
a
couple
weeks
later
I
go
back
to
look
at
something
it's
gonna
go
for
waiting
it's
gonna
go
to
put
on
some
earrings
they're
gone
I
go
back
in
the
garage
another
piece
of
our
own
equipment
is
gone
by
now
the
neighbors
are
calling
me
and
saying
Scott
was
in
our
garage
last
night
we
don't
have
our
girls
did
they
carry
it
over
your
health
by
any
chance
you
know
are
they
really
doing
anything
over
there
and
I
think
no
I
don't
think
so
but
I
don't
think
so
that
I
think
Scott
were
you
in
their
garage
did
you
by
any
chance
take
their
things
and
he
would
go
no
and
then
he
would
do
the
whole
deal
without
delay
and
then
I
would
call
the
neighbor
back
in
faith
got
thirty
one
in
your
garage
you
know
what
I
would
do
it
smugly
I'd
say
my
son
was
not
in
your
garage
you
didn't
take
your
things
you
know
and
and
so
then
you
know
I'd
find
more
things
gone
into
come
confrontations
continued
the
game
continued
between
the
two
boys
no
we
didn't
yes
you
know
and
I
don't
think
I
was
crazy
and
I
would
go
to
work
and
I
would
start
to
tell
people
about
the
things
that
I
was
in
so
much
pain
I
was
making
a
joke
about
it
you
know
hi
I'm
going
crazy
and
then
I
got
to
play
through
that
insanity
and
and
all
of
this
not
being
able
to
feel
whether
or
not
I
had
good
judgment
about
anything
I
start
off
work
and
I
can't
remember
if
I've
locked
the
garage
door
so
I'd
make
a
U.
turn
into
in
the
hallway
and
come
back
home
and
check
the
garage
door
and
then
I
get
down
the
street
can
remember
if
I
put
the
dog
in
the
house
and
I
come
back
and
check
that
out
by
now
I'm
late
for
work
and
then
I'm
lying
to
my
supervisor
and
I'm
saying
well
I
we
did
start
off
accurate
quarter
to
twelve
but
I
got
the
the
freight
train
came
by
and
I
had
to
wait
or
or
that
they
were
delivering
something
for
you
yes
Sir
I
was
just
on
my
way
out
I
realized
I
didn't
have
any
gas
that
every
day
I
was
having
to
lie
to
my
supervisor
about
why
I
couldn't
get
to
work
on
time
and
I
couldn't
get
to
work
on
time
in
the
morning
and
what
was
happening
as
soon
as
I
would
leave
the
house
in
the
morning
they
would
bring
all
the
kids
in
the
house
because
they
either
weren't
going
to
work
or
going
to
school
and
they
were
doing
drugs
and
alcohol
at
my
house
and
then
they
could
clean
it
all
up
and
I
committed
eleven
o'clock
on
my
lunch
hour
and
I
sensed
that
my
house
had
been
used
but
when
I
looked
around
it
didn't
seem
like
anything
was
out
of
place
but
it
was
he
was
a
feeling
if
you're
a
woman
or
even
a
man
and
you're
in
you're
connected
with
this
house
you
sense
this
stuff
is
going
on
and
I
thought
that
I
was
going
crazy
on
intro
in
January
of
nineteen
eighty
one
a
friend
of
mine
at
work
her
husband
her
son
deed
accidentally
and
he
was
in
an
emergency
room
for
several
days
and
when
he
got
back
to
work
I
said
to
her
what
happened
and
she
says
I'm
going
to
tell
you
what
happened
but
she
says
I
want
you
to
keep
it
a
secret
because
I
don't
want
anybody
else
to
know
but
she
says
you
and
I
are
good
friends
and
you
have
funds
that
are
the
same
age
as
my
son
and
his
I'd
like
to
tell
you
what
happened
so
she
told
me
about
this
and
she
said
that
he's
getting
better
and
Infiniti's
better
they're
going
to
take
him
up
to
this
treatment
center
in
Denton
Texas
and
he's
going
to
spend
twenty
eight
days
up
there
hopefully
recovering
from
his
drug
addiction
and
alcoholism
and
there
was
something
else
he
was
telling
me
what
was
going
on
with
her
son
it
was
going
in
here
but
it
was
also
filtering
down
in
my
heart
and
there
was
a
part
of
me
that
would
stay
in
Beverly
that's
going
on
in
your
house
you
know
but
I
I
wasn't
ready
to
get
out
of
denial
what
do
you
do
when
you're
trying
to
be
a
good
mother
and
to
raise
good
children
and
all
of
a
sudden
there's
this
little
thought
that's
coming
in
here
that
maybe
they're
drug
addicts
and
maybe
they're
all
kalex
and
maybe
this
isn't
as
wonderful
as
you
think
it
is
I
mean
what
do
you
do
with
that
kind
of
information
so
as
quickly
as
it
sifted
down
I
wanted
it
gone
I
couldn't
even
and
there
was
no
way
that
I
could
cope
with
that
kind
of
information
that
you
know
I
started
to
look
and
they
had
little
tools
hanging
from
he
had
little
tools
hanging
from
his
truck
and
there
were
lots
of
beer
cans
in
the
bed
of
the
truck
and
the
things
are
disappearing
from
the
house
and
and
they
would
never
let
me
see
their
eyes
they
always
had
a
bottle
of
visine
in
a
in
a
packet
in
their
jeans
and
you
know
I
find
it
in
the
washing
machine
and
they
would
tell
me
it
was
because
they
were
running
into
dust
gets
in
their
eyes
will
you
know
that
makes
sense
to
me
I
thought
the
whole
farm
from
those
kids
I
mean
I
just
can't
find
this
information
from
them
because
that's
what
I
wanted
to
do
it's
the
only
thing
I
knew
to
do
because
I
didn't
want
to
know
the
truth
my
heart
didn't
want
to
know
the
truth
so
anyhow
one
day
we
take
got
to
the
heart
to
the
treatment
center
because
we
suspected
you
know
with
the
little
bags
of
things
and
all
of
the
little
tools
everything
that
maybe
something
was
going
on
and
he
was
the
are
you
waited
by
the
man
who
ran
the
treatment
center
and
he
said
well
I
don't
know
for
sure
if
Scott
is
an
alcoholic
or
not
but
if
he
is
it'll
surface
and
it'll
surface
soon
from
what
y'all
have
told
us
so
we
took
Scott
home
and
it
was
exactly
two
weeks
to
the
day
it
was
February
ninth
of
nineteen
eighty
one
that
Scott
took
one
more
thing
for
me
I
confronted
him
he
said
he
had
sold
it
to
a
gold
and
silver
dealership
in
here
dealer
he
says
there's
no
way
I
can
get
it
back
so
I
called
in
sick
for
work
that
day
and
you
know
I
never
realized
until
pretty
recently
that
was
probably
one
of
the
most
honest
things
I
did
I
called
in
sick
to
work
and
I
had
no
idea
how
sick
I
really
was
and
in
a
few
minutes
after
I
got
off
the
phone
Scott
called
me
from
school
and
he
says
mom
if
you'll
come
and
get
me
and
take
me
up
to
that
place
all
goal
and
we'll
see
if
we
can
do
about
that
something
about
this
well
I
was
later
to
learn
that
the
motives
for
which
he
went
to
treatment
were
not
honest
and
pure
but
you
know
it
really
doesn't
matter
how
we
get
here
none
of
us
walking
here
in
fate
okay
I
have
this
morning
and
I
realized
I
was
actually
crazy
that
my
husband
if
he
realized
he's
got
a
drinking
problem
and
we're
going
to
just
turn
ourselves
into
Alcoholics
Anonymous
now
and
not
I
don't
think
anybody
gets
you're
somehow
or
other
we
are
manipulated
and
can
I
live
into
getting
here
or
we
have
something
you
know
somebody
drags
the
center
pushes
us
in
and
we
get
here
and
and
if
we're
lucky
and
everybody
sitting
in
this
room
obviously
have
had
that
wonderful
experience
that
you
found
something
here
you
don't
even
know
what
it
is
that
your
heart
feels
but
you
found
it
in
the
state
and
I
think
that's
what
happened
for
me
but
we
took
him
up
to
the
treatment
center
in
this
little
lady
she
was
only
this
big
she
weighed
eighty
pounds
soaking
wet
and
she
had
to
stand
on
her
toes
to
look
at
me
because
I'm
falling
and
she
doesn't
and
you're
going
to
have
to
go
to
Alan
on
his
will
keep
this
kid
here
for
twenty
eight
days
and
she
says
we're
going
to
see
if
we
can
help
him
but
he
said
he
can't
go
home
to
an
old
idea
and
you
have
got
to
go
to
Allentown
and
I
stood
there
and
I
looked
at
her
with
all
the
gumption
I
could
muster
up
and
I
said
I
work
and
she
says
I
don't
care
what
you
do
well
this
boy
is
in
treatment
here
you
will
attend
Allen
on
meetings
on
a
regular
basis
or
you
can
visit
this
kid
now
it
has
been
a
long
time
since
I
gave
anything
about
that
kid
he
he
was
stealing
from
me
he
didn't
smell
good
he
didn't
look
good
I
literally
couldn't
stand
in
and
I
hadn't
touched
him
for
a
long
time
and
when
she
says
I
can't
come
to
see
my
kid
I
wanted
to
be
there
more
than
anything
in
the
world
and
so
I
thought
to
myself
okay
they
had
a
had
Allen
on
meetings
in
Lewisville
on
Monday
nights
and
they
took
the
key
people
there
from
the
treatment
center
so
I
went
to
Lewisville
on
Monday
night
on
Thursday
night
they
drove
the
van
into
Dallas
they
had
meetings
at
the
alpha
group
we
went
there
and
what
I
did
was
interfering
my
son
sobriety
because
I
got
there
and
met
the
Boston
you
know
checked
out
his
underwear
and
whether
or
not
he
brushed
his
teeth
and
all
that
really
important
stuff
and
what
I
had
stopped
him
from
doing
with
being
able
to
fellowship
with
his
peers
and
then
I
interfered
with
his
sobriety
after
the
meeting
and
the
guy
came
to
make
sure
that
he
went
to
bed
on
time
and
you
know
don't
don't
entertain
although
spot
folks
Scott
was
able
to
walk
on
his
hands
the
whole
distance
of
the
highway
and
he
was
the
youngest
academy
fifteen
and
a
half
years
only
skin
treatment
with
a
bunch
of
people
that
were
all
old
enough
to
be
as
mothers
and
fathers
grandparents
and
he
was
yeah
I
mean
I
thought
it
was
adorable
they
did
everything
for
him
you
know
and
he
learned
how
to
entertain
him
and
he
got
off
the
hook
on
a
lot
of
stuff
because
he
was
cute
and
young
and
so
anyhow
I'm
interfering
with
his
sobriety
and
he's
entertaining
the
troops
at
the
treatment
center
in
if
you
know
if
it's
just
a
bizarre
thing
but
on
the
twenty
third
of
February
we
were
at
a
family
meeting
at
the
treatment
center
my
husband
read
a
page
in
the
big
book
and
when
we
got
out
into
the
car
he
said
to
me
you
know
I
really
identified
with
that
page
you
know
I
didn't
know
that
for
a
long
time
he
had
been
questioning
his
alcoholism
he
already
knew
that
when
he
got
up
in
the
morning
he
had
made
these
promises
to
himself
that
he
wasn't
going
to
drink
again
today
I
am
not
going
to
drink
and
he
says
I
would
get
to
the
office
and
before
I
even
knew
I
was
having
a
drink
and
then
you
know
he's
scared
afterwards
and
drinking
he
wasn't
working
they
were
drinking
they
had
a
vending
machine
where
he
worked
in
fact
each
place
he
went
he
made
sure
they
got
an
old
coke
machine
and
they
would
dispense
those
little
pony
bottles
of
beer
for
a
quarter
you
know
they
just
keep
feeding
that
fear
through
those
dispensers
I
always
wondered
why
they
even
bother
you
know
why
they
just
control
according
to
canon
skipped
the
coke
machine
you
know
but
they
said
it
was
a
way
to
keep
it
cool
and
they
would
drink
these
cases
of
beer
and
that's
why
he
couldn't
come
home
at
night
and
so
anyhow
we're
driving
home
for
the
treatment
center
that
night
and
he
was
telling
me
about
how
he
was
feeling
about
his
alcoholism
and
and
that
he
didn't
know
that
it
was
alcoholism
he
he
came
from
a
family
that
was
terribly
religious
and
nobody
in
his
family
nobody
ever
knew
drank
he
was
the
only
person
he
ever
knew
and
yes
I
do
not
in
his
family
but
he
went
out
he
found
people
when
he
was
young
who
acted
in
drink
like
he
did
he
has
a
family
that's
very
religious
and
and
they
just
don't
drink
it
and
so
he
didn't
know
anything
about
the
disease
of
alcoholism
either
and
he
but
he's
been
having
these
feelings
any
for
this
page
in
the
big
book
what
talked
about
this
guy
who
keeps
running
in
front
of
a
bus
and
breaking
a
bone
and
gets
better
and
breaks
another
bone
and
does
it
over
and
over
and
doesn't
understand
why
he
can't
stop
jumping
in
front
of
the
buses
in
the
street
cars
and
he
said
you
know
I
kind
of
felt
like
that
every
day
I
make
this
promise
and
I
just
I
jump
in
front
of
another
bus
and
tomorrow
night
when
we
go
to
the
treatment
center
and
they
have
the
opening
anything
he
says
I'm
gonna
get
up
and
get
a
desire
to
because
he
says
I'm
an
alcoholic
and
I
look
at
him
in
in
I
mean
this
was
as
honest
as
anything
I've
ever
said
I
said
you
have
got
to
be
kidding
and
what
happened
you
see
if
I've
already
got
one
son
in
treatment
for
alcoholism
and
drug
addiction
and
here's
my
husband
sitting
next
to
me
in
the
car
and
he's
telling
me
he's
an
alcoholic
and
you
know
what
that
makes
me
a
failure
I
am
a
failure
as
a
mother
and
I
am
a
failure
as
a
wife
and
it
was
more
than
I
could
stand
but
what
I
also
saw
and
it
came
shortly
after
that
was
a
sign
that
was
hanging
on
the
podium
of
the
group
that
I
went
to
a
Monday
night
news
said
it
was
the
three
cities
and
I
didn't
cause
it
I
couldn't
I
couldn't
control
it
and
I
couldn't
cure
it
and
for
some
reason
or
other
I
was
able
to
accept
that
yeah
the
flight
just
tiny
little
fraction
of
a
second
I
was
able
to
believe
that
maybe
this
wasn't
my
fault
that
I
don't
know
how
it
wasn't
my
fault
that
there
was
a
little
part
that
every
time
I
started
to
really
blame
myself
for
being
a
failure
that
maybe
just
maybe
this
wasn't
my
fault
and
they
can't
run
away
at
us
at
the
treatment
center
that
we
had
that
the
Allentown
people
I
had
to
get
this
program
for
themselves
because
there
was
no
guarantee
that
an
alcoholic
would
stay
sober
because
alcoholism
is
a
disease
and
I
am
so
grateful
that
the
program
that
we
went
through
back
in
nineteen
eighty
one
push
the
big
book
and
push
the
Allen
on
recovery
and
and
told
us
about
the
disease
of
alcoholism
and
sent
us
out
there
to
find
a
home
group
before
they
ever
even
released
Scott
from
treatment
so
here
we
are
by
the
twenty
third
of
February
I'm
in
Allentown
Scott
going
daily
George's
got
a
chip
in
his
pocket
however
he
was
going
to
my
al
anon
meetings
and
as
I
got
a
little
bit
healthier
I
threw
we
now
I
think
you
get
on
my
own
I
mean
take
your
little
desire
keeping
go
next
door
and
and
he
did
that
funny
he
minded
me
and
then
he
went
next
door
and
he
started
to
go
to
a
a
meetings
and
and
I
like
I
took
a
look
at
those
steps
and
and
I
wrote
him
down
because
I
thought
what
if
I
never
saw
him
again
you
know
I
wrote
down
all
twelve
steps
in
a
book
so
I
was
I
know
that
inside
here
there
was
always
already
a
feeling
starting
about
you
know
the
pin
portents
of
this
and
that
that
there
was
something
here
for
me
and
I
have
I
started
to
feel
the
laughter
and
I
started
to
enjoyed
hearing
how
you
were
laughing
about
the
things
that
I
was
trying
to
cover
up
and
I
was
I
was
looking
around
in
fifteen
people
cry
you
know
and
the
compassion
and
the
love
and
you
and
you
call
this
precious
and
you
said
come
out
for
coffee
and
we
felt
a
part
of
for
the
very
first
time
in
our
life
I
felt
a
part
of
something
and
I
was
so
grateful
you
know
I
know
in
the
beginning
I
was
in
the
fellowship
I
was
here
because
you
made
me
feel
important
she
made
me
feel
Darling
and
precious
you're
invited
me
out
to
coffee
but
on
March
thirtieth
our
other
son
Stephen
who
was
seventeen
and
a
half
years
old
came
home
from
work
noticeably
drunk
and
I
confronted
that
scouts
is
all
my
god
mommy
is
worse
than
me
I
don't
know
how
you
could
miss
that
well
I
didn't
want
to
see
it
Stephen
was
my
hero
he
ran
track
and
field
he
worked
the
job
got
straight
A.'s
in
school
and
I
could
not
see
the
seeds
of
alcoholism
and
child
I
just
thought
he
was
absolutely
gorgeous
we
walked
into
an
a
a
meeting
on
Monday
night
we
confronted
and
that
he
could
either
join
us
in
recovery
or
had
to
leave
and
Steven
does
not
like
to
have
to
part
with
any
money
that's
unnecessary
and
he
doesn't
today
so
he
came
to
me
because
okay
so
I'll
go
to
one
eight
meetings
we
walked
in
the
door
that
night
at
actually
George
never
made
it
he
jumped
out
of
the
car
halfway
there
because
he
noticed
even
had
a
hearing
on
any
security
threat
news
scores
hat
yeah
he
was
in
his
holy
games
and
he
says
I'm
not
going
to
an
a
a
meeting
with
the
progress
like
that
they
decided
he
wasn't
going
to
change
in
George
jumped
out
of
the
car
and
he
walked
home
and
the
kids
and
I
went
on
to
this
meeting
and
I
stood
in
the
doorway
and
watch
Stephen
get
his
desire
chip
and
that
was
twelve
and
a
half
years
ago
and
Stephen
his
number
today
on
his
original
desire
king
and
that
he
has
a
wonderful
life
and
I'm
when
I
got
out
of
my
Alan
on
meeting
I
thought
that
Steven
was
talking
to
a
man
and
they
had
a
big
book
between
them
and
and
that
became
his
sponsor
and
a
couple
of
weeks
after
that
I
don't
exactly
know
what
the
time
frame
was
Scott
went
out
and
started
to
drink
again
and
as
a
result
of
that
the
abusive
behavior
can
backing
Bobby
started
to
tell
me
about
how
my
home
was
a
privilege
and
then
if
you
wanted
to
live
in
my
home
you
had
to
respect
it
and
I
didn't
know
that
I
thought
if
you
have
two
children
they
get
to
live
there
no
matter
what
but
see
that's
not
the
case
Bobby
said
my
home
is
a
privilege
and
that
we
were
recovering
family
and
that
anybody
who
lived
in
my
home
had
to
follow
the
rules
and
the
rules
were
simple
you
couldn't
drink
or
drug
you
have
to
go
to
meetings
and
you
had
to
kind
of
be
responsible
and
it
was
pretty
simple
and
Scott
was
unable
to
follow
the
rules
and
after
a
little
bit
we
asked
him
to
leave
for
the
first
time
and
he
stayed
out
for
a
while
and
ended
up
breaking
his
leg
and
he
came
back
home
and
I
wasn't
so
sure
the
leg
was
broken
and
I
wasn't
so
sure
you
know
that
what
we
wanted
to
do
about
that
and
found
we
took
him
to
the
emergency
room
we
have
the
like
X.
rays
and
sat
and
shortly
after
that
within
a
few
days
we
ended
up
finding
him
another
treatment
center
for
that
was
specific
specifically
for
young
younger
kids
with
some
marijuana
problems
and
we
ship
them
up
to
Minnesota
and
he
stayed
there
forty
five
days
and
in
the
meantime
you
know
we're
all
going
to
meetings
and
there's
recovery
happening
in
my
house
and
I'm
listening
to
my
older
son
pray
through
the
bedroom
walls
and
bodies
going
to
the
grocery
store
and
sitting
with
Stephen
at
one
o'clock
in
the
morning
reading
the
big
book
because
that
was
a
difficult
time
for
him
my
husband's
going
to
his
own
meetings
in
his
own
room
and
I'm
being
told
that
I
had
to
have
my
children
had
to
put
my
arms
around
him
and
say
did
anybody
tell
you
they
love
you
today
and
we
started
to
do
these
things
with
people
told
us
to
do
and
I've
got
that
got
back
from
the
second
treatment
center
and
he
stayed
sober
until
somewhere
around
thanksgiving
and
he
got
drunk
again
and
started
to
use
drugs
he
quit
school
he
got
a
job
at
a
hotel
in
night
in
Dallas
and
he
was
working
and
and
the
abuse
of
my
home
was
continuing
he
was
still
kicking
holes
in
walls
and
he
was
still
are
doing
some
things
that
were
violating
the
privilege
and
so
on
February
fourteenth
when
he
was
seventeen
and
a
half
years
old
I
asked
him
to
leave
and
he
never
lived
with
us
again
and
it
was
during
that
time
you
know
that
I
got
to
understand
about
the
food
clothing
and
shelter
because
his
food
clothing
and
shelter
were
not
wonderful
and
I
had
a
lot
of
pain
in
my
heart
over
what
I
was
watching
happening
to
Scott
one
of
the
things
that
I'm
really
grateful
for
is
that
I
know
a
lot
of
your
children
disappear
in
this
disease
and
you
don't
hear
from
them
from
them
for
long
periods
of
time
and
the
god
of
my
understanding
knew
that
that
would
be
too
painful
for
me
and
so
my
Scott
called
home
on
a
regular
basis
and
a
lot
of
times
you
would
dump
a
lot
of
misery
on
me
and
see
my
sponsor
said
to
me
just
be
grateful
for
the
call
but
you
don't
have
to
listen
to
that
stuff
if
it
hurts
you
that
bad
you
do
not
have
to
listen
to
it
and
I
didn't
know
that
from
my
sponsor
taught
me
how
to
receive
a
phone
call
from
Scott
and
when
he
would
call
home
to
tell
me
how
bad
his
wife
was
and
anyway
tell
me
Steve's
going
to
college
in
Steve's
got
back
you
little
target
tracking
your
given
Steve
tuition
money
and
Steve
eaten
every
day
at
St
still
working
at
the
store
and
I'm
living
in
this
house
and
we
don't
have
locks
on
the
doors
and
there's
cockroaches
and
I
don't
have
a
winter
coat
and
I
don't
have
any
shoes
and
you
don't
Love
Me
the
way
you
love
Steve
and
my
heart
would
die
and
I
would
just
say
read
the
book
Beverly
this
is
a
disease
it's
called
alcoholism
and
and
Scott
falconer
and
he's
doing
his
disease
and
Steve
is
working
with
a
sponsor
he's
in
recovery
and
he's
doing
what
he's
supposed
to
do
and
the
one
kid
wants
what
he's
got
but
he
doesn't
want
it
bad
enough
to
do
what
he
needs
to
do
what
happened
his
bottom
yet
and
I
really
had
to
get
into
the
big
book
and
start
to
read
about
that
and
then
when
Scott
would
start
to
tell
me
those
things
funny
as
if
time
went
on
my
sponsor
would
say
it's
okay
to
tell
Scott
that
you
love
it
more
than
anything
but
what
he
does
with
his
life
hurts
you
so
bad
you
can't
hear
it
and
so
that's
when
I
started
to
do
when
Scott
would
call
I
would
say
oh
honey
I'm
so
happy
you
called
and
I
love
you
very
very
much
but
I
can't
listen
to
that
because
it
hurts
me
and
if
you
wouldn't
mind
just
call
me
tomorrow
and
he
would
do
that
you
know
what
I
would
call
me
in
a
week
they
always
let
me
know
where
he
was
and
we
got
to
a
place
where
he
knew
he
couldn't
tell
me
how
bad
his
life
was
and
after
a
while
he
ended
up
finding
a
girl
and
and
she
had
all
the
criteria
that
in
a
car
and
they
fell
in
lust
and
and
then
on
I
was
later
to
find
out
that
they
really
love
each
other
and
after
they
were
very
little
while
Scott
somehow
there
was
working
in
this
job
and
learn
how
to
be
a
chef
I
don't
know
how
we
did
it
I
really
don't
know
how
to
do
it
how
we
did
it
but
he
ended
up
working
with
the
team
on
a
restaurant
with
a
restaurant
chain
that
they
opened
up
restaurants
and
he
went
all
over
the
country
for
a
while
when
he
was
opening
up
our
restaurants
and
they
ended
up
where
he
was
given
an
assistant
manager's
position
in
fort
Lauderdale
Florida
and
they
ended
up
making
a
home
there
while
they
were
there
they
got
they
decided
during
decided
that
maybe
if
they
had
a
baby
scout
with
mature
and
grow
up
and
things
would
get
different
you
know
it's
you
know
it's
always
the
same
story
and
so
she
got
pregnant
and
and
she
was
also
doing
drugs
and
alcohol
but
she
stopped
all
that
and
created
a
very
healthy
environment
for
a
little
granddaughter
and
Scott's
alcoholism
progressed
in
Steve's
career
progressed
he
ended
up
going
to
college
and
graduating
from
Texas
a
and
M.
and
he
works
down
in
Houston
and
he
has
a
you
know
his
life
is
just
absolutely
awesome
and
so
god
gave
me
the
privilege
of
watching
one
kid
who
was
able
to
survive
and
go
through
the
steps
to
work
with
the
sponsor
and
his
life
was
X.
successful
I
also
got
to
see
the
other
end
of
that
and
after
shortly
after
our
granddaughter
was
born
Scott
got
really
sick
and
ended
up
in
hospital
for
several
days
and
as
a
result
of
that
he
lost
his
job
and
for
the
most
part
he
was
unable
to
work
and
there
was
a
lot
of
times
during
that
period
of
time
where
I
had
to
put
this
program
to
work
again
because
they
would
call
and
say
you
know
the
baby
doesn't
have
food
the
baby
doesn't
have
diapers
what
should
we
do
can
you
send
us
the
money
and
we
knew
that
if
we
spent
money
it
would
never
go
for
the
pampers
in
the
baby
food
so
we
started
just
you
know
I'd
say
call
my
sponsor
and
say
what
do
I
do
now
and
she'd
say
ship
the
pampers
you
know
so
we
buy
a
huge
case
of
paper
you
know
and
send
it
down
to
you
PS
and
ship
it
off
to
Florida
and
we
did
those
kinds
of
things
and
then
as
time
progressed
they
ended
up
have
been
to
file
bankruptcy
because
Scott
was
not
able
to
go
back
to
working
on
that
salary
that
Doreen
was
earning
they
couldn't
make
ends
meet
I
couldn't
pay
the
bills
and
so
on
there
was
a
time
when
they
had
about
eighteen
payments
left
on
a
little
pickup
truck
and
George
and
I
made
a
decision
that
we
would
pay
for
that
and
I
had
to
check
out
with
my
sponsor
about
whether
or
not
that
was
enabling
and
she
says
you
know
Beverly
sometimes
it's
about
being
a
mother
and
see
if
this
was
a
real
kid
and
he
didn't
have
alcoholism
and
these
kinds
of
things
were
happening
in
these
health
problems
had
started
she
says
what
would
you
do
when
I
says
I
pay
for
the
truck
and
she
says
then
you
might
have
to
make
that
decision
source
they
help
me
to
see
what
was
enabling
and
what
was
the
part
of
just
being
a
mother
because
sometimes
we
just
have
to
be
a
mom
and
father
were
heard
in
that
area
I
told
you
that
in
nineteen
eighty
eight
my
father's
cancer
came
out
of
remission
and
I
was
able
to
bring
him
back
after
I
was
in
the
program
for
a
while
I
was
starting
to
feel
very
uncomfortable
about
my
relationship
with
my
sister
and
I
get
an
inventory
about
that
because
I
didn't
like
the
way
I've
behaved
in
in
regards
to
her
and
the
whole
bottom
line
was
is
that
I
just
got
upset
because
she
got
bored
you
know
my
mom
and
dad
came
to
me
when
when
my
mom
was
pregnant
they
had
this
little
ball
of
sugar
in
a
little
bag
and
they
said
we're
gonna
put
this
out
of
the
window
still
in
the
stark
is
going
to
come
in
in
a
couple
weeks
this
baby's
going
to
be
born
and
I
just
want
to
go
like
that
you
know
I
don't
have
enough
trouble
getting
attention
and
here
they
are
they're
going
to
bring
another
child
into
this
family
and
I
didn't
want
it
I
mean
it
was
more
than
I
could
cope
with
so
the
fact
is
is
that
for
the
rest
of
my
life
up
until
the
time
I
did
the
inventory
I
treated
my
sister
accordingly
I
did
not
treat
her
with
respect
and
dignity
that
our
relationship
deserved
and
there
was
never
a
time
when
she
didn't
want
from
me
love
and
respect
and
dignity
and
finally
I
wrote
it
all
down
a
ticket
to
the
lady
that
listen
to
my
inventory
and
as
a
result
of
that
she
read
me
the
story
in
the
Bible
about
the
prodigal
son
and
I
realized
that
there
had
always
been
sibling
rivalry
and
then
what
I
realized
as
a
result
of
that
is
what
you've
taught
me
is
that
I
can
clean
up
my
side
of
the
street
and
I
started
to
do
that
you
know
I
started
to
call
my
sister
just
to
talk
to
her
and
you
know
we
we
started
to
share
some
holidays
together
and
then
when
my
father
got
sick
and
came
to
live
with
with
us
we
share
the
responsibility
of
taking
care
of
him
and
we
did
that
very
well
there
was
never
a
struggling
that
whatever
one
needed
the
other
one
was
able
to
help
why
couldn't
she
could
if
she
could
not
I
could
and
we
just
work
on
that
together
and
in
the
process
of
having
my
father
there
to
care
for
our
relationship
mended
and
it
was
one
of
the
greater
gifts
of
of
this
program
the
young
man
steps
well
after
our
granddaughter
was
born
I
got
to
go
to
Florida
after
she
was
about
a
week
old
story
had
to
have
a
C.
section
and
I
guess
I
was
able
to
see
the
progression
of
the
disease
of
alcoholism
and
it
was
a
very
painful
sight
for
me
and
I
wanted
to
take
that
baby
home
with
me
you
know
take
her
home
to
Texas
and
lover
because
I
could
see
what
was
happening
in
that
family
and
there
you
know
you
just
can't
steal
your
grandchild
kill
it's
excuse
me
I'm
taking
the
child
home
and
got
to
get
her
out
of
this
mess
but
what
I
was
taught
because
of
what
was
happening
with
Scott
is
that
I
could
hold
my
hands
like
this
and
picture
that
baby
in
there
and
know
that
god
was
taking
care
of
her
and
so
I
stood
over
her
crib
on
the
day
I
was
leaving
and
I
pictured
her
in
god's
hands
and
know
that
many
of
us
survived
alcoholism
and
that
she
was
going
to
be
okay
and
you
know
she
really
was
okay
even
though
there
was
a
lot
of
alcoholism
a
lot
of
drug
addiction
and
a
lot
of
really
weird
behavior
going
on
in
that
house
that
child
was
always
cared
for
and
always
loved
and
always
nurtured
after
my
father
passed
away
Scott's
health
continued
to
deteriorate
and
in
August
of
nineteen
ninety
they
came
back
to
Dallas
to
live
and
die
with
George
and
I
had
only
seen
Serra
five
times
before
that
and
they
ended
up
having
to
stay
at
our
house
for
about
three
weeks
they
wanted
to
stay
about
thirty
seconds
and
be
gone
because
they
didn't
like
me
neither
one
of
them
like
me
you
know
when
you're
practicing
these
principles
and
all
your
freighters
and
you're
deciding
about
what
you
can
do
and
what
you
can't
do
it
you
can
say
no
you
make
people
really
angry
with
you
I
have
a
lot
of
fear
of
angry
people
and
it's
really
difficult
for
me
to
sometimes
make
these
choices
because
I
would
rather
have
you
for
my
friend
that
make
a
choice
that
suits
my
dignity
and
so
a
lot
of
times
when
I
had
to
make
these
choices
and
tell
them
no
they
got
mad
at
me
and
you
know
that
anger
continues
but
they
wanted
to
come
home
and
and
so
they
came
there
with
this
idea
they
would
stay
just
long
enough
to
get
a
place
and
get
out
and
have
been
it
would
have
as
god
would
have
it
they
couldn't
find
a
place
because
of
the
bankruptcy
and
what
we
ended
up
having
to
do
with
signed
for
a
lease
and
we
don't
pack
up
all
of
our
income
tax
for
the
past
three
years
and
ship
it
off
to
this
apartment
complex
so
they'd
know
we
were
okay
and
finally
it
took
three
weeks
for
the
process
to
go
through
and
the
kids
finally
got
an
apartment
about
ten
miles
away
from
us
and
what
happened
as
a
result
of
them
being
in
that
house
for
three
weeks
is
the
fact
that
they
realize
that
we
were
loving
and
kind
and
that
we
really
cared
for
them
and
out
while
they
were
there
my
birthday
my
birthday
is
in
July
and
if
the
girl
that
I
sponsor
took
me
to
the
symphony
and
after
we
got
back
they
got
finished
with
the
symphony
we
went
to
a
place
where
there's
the
computerized
water
dancing
water
in
Dallas
you
know
we
sat
there
and
watched
all
the
colorful
water
and
ended
up
talking
program
until
you
know
the
wee
hours
and
when
I
got
home
that
night
I
walked
in
the
house
and
my
house
was
all
decorated
and
there
was
a
birthday
present
sitting
on
the
kitchen
table
and
my
daughter
in
law
had
put
balloons
up
and
streamers
and
she
put
up
okay
of
flowers
by
my
bed
and
she
put
a
bouquet
of
flowers
in
my
bedroom
and
my
bathroom
and
I
stood
there
and
I
just
couldn't
believe
it
you
know
because
what
I
realized
is
that
this
girl
was
telling
me
she
loved
me
and
that's
a
long
way
from
where
we
were
until
that
day
and
it
all
happened
in
what
seems
like
a
just
a
just
a
microsecond
and
the
next
morning
I
woke
her
up
and
I
told
her
how
much
I
care
for
her
and
how
much
that
all
meant
to
me
and
from
that
day
until
this
I
mean
we
have
got
the
most
incredibly
beautiful
relationship
and
I
know
that
it's
because
I've
been
willing
to
work
the
steps
even
if
I'm
gonna
make
somebody
mad
because
what
they
got
to
see
is
that
I
had
a
set
of
principles
and
values
and
that
it
wasn't
wishy
washy
about
what
I
said
I
meant
and
they
could
always
depend
on
that
and
when
I
told
him
I
loved
him
I
loved
him
and
when
I
said
no
it
was
now
and
that
they
had
to
go
out
that
they
were
forced
a
lot
of
times
to
do
things
that
they
didn't
want
to
do
because
it's
easier
softer
way
would
have
been
for
us
to
write
a
check
and
they
had
to
go
out
and
take
care
of
their
own
business
and
eventually
Scott
got
sober
and
actually
he
came
to
Texas
over
and
he
had
been
sober
about
two
months
when
they
moved
to
Texas
all
his
health
continued
to
deteriorate
and
we
became
more
and
more
involved
with
family
and
my
husband
started
to
take
my
son
for
some
our
hospital
visits
and
doctor
visits
and
everything
and
their
relationship
had
an
opportunity
to
Mandan
and
in
some
ways
be
restored
and
on
February
sixth
of
this
year
Scott
died
and
you
know
that
the
the
fellowship
held
us
up
in
this
you
know
all
of
the
people
that
I
would
have
loved
over
the
years
came
to
us
and
they
just
loved
us
and
sent
us
flowers
and
sent
the
flow
of
input
calls
and
messages
on
our
answering
machine
and
it
came
to
the
house
I
have
this
little
home
group
I
it
started
one
year
before
Scott
died
and
it's
just
a
couple
blocks
from
my
house
I've
always
traveling
to
Dallas
to
Allen
on
meetings
and
heard
this
little
meeting
opened
up
just
a
couple
blocks
from
my
house
and
we
were
taken
care
of
Serra
pretty
much
full
time
by
this
time
if
you
have
a
little
nursery
so
I
could
take
thirty
needs
because
these
girls
that
are
going
to
get
our
new
in
the
program
and
they're
so
enthusiastic
and
they
got
all
these
little
kids
and
and
so
there
was
a
nursery
they
got
a
babysitter
and
so
it
takes
their
attorneys
will
meetings
and
and
our
little
group
is
strong
we
we
use
the
literature
at
the
foundation
for
our
meetings
and
and
they
think
it's
just
awesome
to
have
somebody
in
their
group
with
some
time
and
what
I
realize
is
that
I
learned
more
for
those
kids
and
they
think
they
learn
from
me
and
it's
just
wonderful
end
of
I'm
a
Monday
Scott
died
on
a
Saturday
and
on
Monday
morning
this
whole
little
group
the
entire
Ellen
on
group
was
at
my
front
door
and
they
had
pots
and
pans
filled
with
stuff
and
they
said
to
me
we're
gonna
bring
you
there
every
day
at
four
o'clock
for
a
week
and
I
stood
there
and
I
said
oh
my
god
you
guys
have
all
got
kids
you're
all
really
busy
please
don't
do
this
I
think
you
know
it's
just
George
and
I
will
be
fine
and
they
said
no
we
need
to
do
this
and
now
I'm
standing
there
arguing
with
him
that
I'm
fine
you
know
I
I
just
I
just
don't
even
I
don't
know
what's
going
on
I
mean
I'm
just
shocking
grief
and
I'm
telling
him
I
don't
need
them
one
of
them
looked
at
me
and
they
took
me
by
the
hand
and
they
said
Beverly
we
have
to
feel
like
we
can
do
something
for
you
and
this
is
what
we
can
do
and
I've
learned
in
this
program
that
I
am
a
joyful
giver
but
I
have
not
really
really
learn
how
to
receive
your
love
and
inches
and
inches
along
the
way
with
a
little
girl
standing
at
my
door
and
some
other
things
that
have
happened
to
me
in
the
last
couple
of
years
I've
been
able
to
do
a
better
job
of
receiving
your
love
and
they
stood
there
and
says
we
have
to
be
able
to
feel
a
part
of
your
pain
and
this
is
what
we've
decided
to
do
for
you
so
every
day
you
know
at
four
o'clock
my
doorbell
would
ring
and
then
would
come
a
little
family
you
know
they
should
have
all
the
little
kids
behind
and
they
set
it
all
out
for
us
and
and
you
know
I
realize
that
I
was
in
such
a
state
that
I
had
to
put
a
paper
bag
on
the
kitchen
counter
and
write
that
person's
name
on
it
as
soon
as
we
have
two
doubles
I
had
to
put
the
balls
back
in
the
bag
because
I
knew
that
I
didn't
have
enough
left
to
feed
a
scramble
an
egg
you
know
that
I
was
so
drained
and
we
were
so
spent
and
so
emotionally
distraught
that
I
wouldn't
have
been
able
to
cook
anything
you
know
we
would
been
pouring
a
glass
of
water
and
having
bread
water
and
so
they
took
care
of
us
and
that's
kind
of
how
it's
always
been
whenever
we
needed
something
it's
been
given
to
us
and
we've
been
taken
care
of
in
this
program
any
answer
that
I've
ever
had
that
I've
needed
it
far
as
what
to
do
next
for
my
own
recovery
I
think
you're
going
to
a
meeting
it
was
the
topic
that
day
or
you
know
somebody's
called
me
up
on
the
phone
and
say
I
have
a
real
problem
and
that's
the
problem
you
know
about
the
time
we
talk
it
out
I
end
up
with
the
answer
I
don't
know
whether
they
have
or
not
I
I
there's
just
I
mean
the
gal
me
the
person
who
came
here
thirteen
years
ago
is
not
who
I
am
today
I
just
had
a
whole
bunch
my
hair
cut
off
on
Tuesday
and
I
look
in
the
mirror
you
know
the
outside
of
me
as
who
I
used
to
recognize
you
know
if
I
had
on
the
right
dress
and
have
my
hearing
my
make
up
that's
why
what's
whatever
you
saw
on
the
outside
is
who
I
was
and
today
I
realized
that
who
I
am
is
on
the
inside
and
on
the
outside
really
doesn't
matter
and
I
have
felt
really
good
about
who
I
am
on
the
inside
for
quite
a
long
period
of
time
I'm
content
with
myself
I'm
at
peace
with
myself
but
what's
happened
is
up
walk
past
the
mirror
looked
at
me
and
I
don't
know
who
I
am
yeah
who
is
that
lady
you
know
you
take
off
you
know
lots
and
lots
of
here
and
there's
a
whole
different
person
underneath
there
so
anyhow
I
kinda
has
made
me
laugh
about
that
you
know
that
that
as
we
change
you
inside
it
used
to
matter
about
the
outside
and
now
it's
the
inside
and
I
know
that
over
the
past
twelve
and
a
half
years
that
you
have
created
the
person
that
I
am
on
the
inside
because
who
I
was
when
I
got
here
was
dead
I
was
either
happy
or
mad
there
was
no
in
between
as
a
result
of
being
willing
to
write
in
a
journal
and
I
don't
know
how
that
happened
either
you
know
one
day
I
was
listening
to
a
lady
from
Dallas
I
was
listening
to
one
of
our
tapes
and
she
talked
about
writing
in
a
journal
I'm
dyslexic
I
don't
spell
well
I
don't
read
very
well
and
all
of
a
sudden
she's
talking
about
a
journal
and
I
wanted
one
and
so
I
went
out
by
the
journal
and
I
started
to
write
about
a
year
later
I
took
it
to
her
and
I
says
you
can
read
anything
you
want
on
these
pages
to
see
if
I'm
doing
it
okay
and
she
laughed
at
me
and
she
said
there
is
not
a
feeling
on
this
page
so
she
sent
me
home
with
a
feeling
church
she
says
don't
write
in
that
journal
into
you
know
what
you
feel
so
as
a
result
of
being
willing
to
write
in
that
journal
and
I've
probably
been
doing
that
for
at
least
eleven
years
on
a
regular
basis
I
have
found
out
who
I
am
at
first
it
was
really
hard
for
me
to
write
a
natural
who
I
was
and
what
I
was
feeling
and
I
thought
at
first
I
would
think
the
reason
I
don't
want
to
do
that
is
because
what
if
somebody
finds
that
Errol
and
find
out
who
I
am
what
would
they
think
of
me
but
what
I
really
can't
understand
is
that
I
was
afraid
to
read
who
I
was
a
natural
I
was
afraid
to
write
down
that
I
was
jealous
of
one
of
my
customers
at
the
bank
or
that
I
felt
envy
or
I
had
a
resentment
against
a
fellow
employee
or
absolutely
hated
something
that
my
husband
did
or
that
I
didn't
like
the
way
my
son
smelled
when
he
was
drinking
that
it
was
difficult
for
me
to
put
my
arms
around
him
and
tell
him
that
I
loved
it
but
as
I
would
became
more
free
to
put
those
feelings
down
on
that
paper
and
to
read
the
myself
I
became
aware
of
who
I
was
and
I
was
not
at
all
a
bad
person
you
know
I
have
character
defects
the
same
as
everybody
else
and
today
I'm
willing
to
grow
through
them
and
to
find
out
who
I
am
and
to
become
the
very
best
person
I
can
be
and
in
the
process
of
being
willing
to
do
that
I
have
also
found
out
who
I
am
in
the
good
areas
to
I
found
out
that
I
have
a
great
deal
of
creativity
and
that
I
am
extremely
loving
person
and
a
very
giving
person
and
those
are
good
qualities
and
they
didn't
have
to
be
developed
that
always
been
there
I
just
didn't
know
because
I
always
kept
seeing
the
bad
part
of
me
and
this
lady
who
scream
to
the
lady
who
embarrassed
by
her
children
in
front
of
their
friends
and
and
the
lady
who
was
a
perfectionist
and
couldn't
stand
for
anything
to
be
out
of
order
you
know
and
what
I
realized
today
because
she
told
me
this
is
that
perfection
and
is
and
is
only
the
way
I
see
things
it's
not
the
way
it
needs
to
be
it's
my
idea
of
how
things
should
be
I
believed
me
when
I
got
here
that
the
Sunday
paper
comes
in
a
plastic
bag
my
idea
of
how
things
should
be
is
that
that
paper
never
come
out
of
the
plastic
bag
that
you
just
leave
it
there
the
fact
is
my
husband
likes
to
take
the
paper
out
the
plastic
bag
and
read
it
he
likes
to
read
it
in
the
kitchen
and
he
likes
to
read
it
in
the
bathroom
he
likes
to
read
it
in
the
living
room
and
where
he
finishes
reading
a
section
he
likes
to
leave
it
late
and
I'll
be
running
around
gathering
up
all
this
paper
making
his
life
absolutely
miserable
and
the
man
absolutely
adores
reading
the
paper
he
still
reads
the
paper
from
end
to
end
today
and
you
know
slowly
but
surely
I
was
able
to
just
leave
those
papers
along
and
when
I
realized
it
that
by
the
end
of
the
day
he
gathers
them
all
up
and
you
put
some
away
you
know
and
my
idea
of
perfectionism
cause
problems
with
my
children
and
you
told
me
I
could
just
shut
the
door
you
don't
have
to
look
at
that
you
know
Stephen
sponsor
made
me
get
a
sponsor
because
I
was
interfering
in
his
recovery
and
they
said
to
me
you
know
he
can
take
care
of
your
phone
your
recent
call
this
lady
and
ask
her
to
be
your
sponsor
because
I'm
trying
to
teach
Steven
how
to
be
responsible
when
you're
interfering
in
his
sobriety
so
I
was
able
because
of
that
to
let
some
of
that
stuff
go
to
Stephen
at
at
the
age
of
only
eighteen
learned
how
to
scramble
innate
he
learned
how
to
wash
his
own
clothes
he
learned
how
to
make
his
own
bed
and
some
of
those
things
I
was
able
to
get
to
release
to
them
because
I
felt
that
there
was
nothing
left
of
me
if
I
didn't
scramble
the
eggs
because
what
I
did
was
who
I
thought
I
was
and
so
I
kept
them
from
being
who
they
were
or
who
or
to
develop
themselves
because
I
thought
that
if
I
didn't
do
that
stuff
I'd
be
I
wouldn't
be
important
and
today
is
a
part
of
recovery
I
realized
that
I
have
my
own
life
you
know
that
I
can
go
out
there
and
do
things
and
enjoy
myself
and
it's
OK
you
know
it's
just
okay
to
have
your
own
life
in
this
program
and
as
a
result
of
having
my
own
life
you
know
and
I
I
my
fiftieth
birthday
one
of
my
fears
was
removed
and
I
took
a
flight
in
a
hot
air
balloon
because
I
wanted
to
do
that
more
than
anything
in
the
world
I
wanted
to
ride
a
Harley
Davidson
motorcycle
I
I've
been
on
this
I've
been
sailing
I've
been
I've
hiked
to
the
top
of
a
mountain
bike
I'm
in
August
this
year
I
walked
two
miles
up
a
mountain
river
in
hiking
boots
and
we
can
walk
in
any
land
and
I
and
I
walked
with
a
girl
that
was
twenty
years
younger
than
I
was
and
I
kept
up
with
her
and
there
were
times
that
I
want
to
quit
and
Tyneside
said
Tracy
I
can't
do
it
anymore
and
she
said
we
can
quit
if
she's
alcoholic
she
said
we
can
quit
if
you
want
to
I
mean
how
can
you
do
that
I
mean
how
can
you
quit
and
so
you
know
we
ended
up
in
and
when
we
got
to
the
top
she
said
to
me
very
early
close
your
eyes
and
hold
my
arm
and
I
close
my
eyes
and
I
held
her
arm
and
she
says
now
don't
open
your
eyes
and
I
didn't
open
my
eyes
and
when
I
turned
we
got
around
a
little
bend
in
the
river
and
when
I
stood
there
we
were
out
of
place
with
a
waterfall
was
coming
out
of
the
mountains
and
I
felt
like
I
had
accomplished
something
that
was
absolutely
incredible
and
we
walked
back
down
the
river
and
she
taught
me
about
how
to
put
your
foot
in
the
river
at
the
river
hold
your
foot
in
place
you
know
and
make
sure
it's
really
in
there
and
it
reminded
me
a
lot
about
the
program
hang
on
to
the
program
you
know
what
to
feel
secure
and
then
take
your
next
step
and
it
don't
stop
before
the
miracle
because
if
at
any
point
when
I've
gotten
afraid
while
I
was
growing
up
that
river
I
would
have
quit
I
would
have
never
seen
the
miracle
of
the
waterfall
coming
out
of
the
mountains
where
it
was
born
and
that's
a
real
spiritual
experience
to
do
something
like
that
and
at
the
end
of
that
day
you
know
I
realized
it
was
Scott's
birthday
and
I
had
done
something
that
he
might
have
really
enjoyed
Scott
was
twenty
eight
years
old
when
he
died
and
part
of
me
that
that
that
that
there's
a
little
tiny
part
that
dies
when
your
child
dies
but
there
was
a
part
of
me
that
grew
bigger
than
it
had
ever
been
before
and
what
I
realized
is
that
each
day
is
a
new
beginning
and
we
never
know
you
know
from
day
to
day
if
this
is
the
last
day
of
our
life
you
know
and
my
decision
is
is
that
I'm
going
to
live
everyday
to
the
fullest
to
be
the
very
best
person
I
can
be
and
to
love
people
and
he
tried
to
be
a
maximum
service
to
god
and
my
fellow
man
and
I
really
appreciate
you
listening
to
me
giving
me
an
opportunity
to
share
my
recovery
in
some
of
my
life
with
you
I'm
excited
about
the
rest
of
the
weekend
and
I'm
excited
about
who
I
am
today
because
you've
given
everything
that
you
had
to
me
and
it's
my
responsibility
to
give
it
back
because
that
little
lady
in
the
treatment
center
said
you
can't
keep
it
unless
you
give
it
away
thank
you
for
giving
me
a
chance
to
give
it
away