The Yosemite Summit Conference in Yosemite, CA

thank you

good morning my name is Paul and I thoroughly enjoyed being an alcoholic

I hate that is that I enjoy it since you found me and sobered me up and bring me up and convince me that you'll keep me sober another twenty years as long as they keep doing the things helping you do the things you're doing

and got on my knees I used to think it would be difficult say silver can you think of anything easier than stance over this last weekend this isn't this is a beautiful day in a beautiful way to stay sober I have you had a good time

yeah the judge yourself you know who to blame though if you

your own damn fault it

I don't think I in fact on things I enjoy about it this is the home stretch it is been such a great weekend I

this really nothing I can do to screw it up do that now

because he couldn't get along very well without Max telling it perverted version of my story

you shouldn't

but it is too so you can see it is says is used on my story that's what I was thinking but I guess somebody said not only was a person is obsessed with alcohol played a pre Alan on is somebody says that who is obsessed with an alcoholic I guess we talk about our obsessions and they talk about how they are affected by what we do but I was last night it was true that the film was making fun of the elements and people were laughing it down

I don't think we should do that I don't really think we should laugh it down the side

thank you

and

I knew there was a moment here I can feel the vibration

but you shouldn't the nation line you should not laugh at them

you really shouldn't now I've books makes a book speaks very kindly of them it says they're not at fault they seem to have been born that way

you shouldn't you shouldn't live

really shouldn't have it's a matter of fact there

thank you should look into that on program I understand that that I've been talking to people over the weekend a few people around and have a little trouble Megan our program

Amazon program it has our all of our staff did you notice in the Salar steps they have our traditions they stole some of our slogan see sometimes even read some of the book and then our whole program they've got the whole thing

yeah they can drink to

now it might be just what some of your looking for

this is true we get some of our best customers to mount on

and we really got them fool we am convinced that when they come day it's a step up yeah

this is Janet you know if you're new in a you realize you're at the you are already at the bottom of the social ladder there it is you can't any place you go for may is up but it's not up to amount on and

and the fact if you really want to insult an alcoholic who's really going crazy in a relationship with another outcry he suggested they go down on it

nego to

I'd rather go crazy

anyway I'm glad to be here and I'm glad you're all here should be dealt if you weren't here

they said it was them

I'm glad to be I haven't always been good to be an alcoholic it has no effective even always been enough like I wouldn't want to think that

in fact I am

I certainly was nothing like when I was gonna say came here I didn't came here I was sent here that was being sent here was just that this was the only place I could come to the to get a pass to get off the network I was on a note where the hospital is on the staff of

the very boring place to be in the news

as in how to act on the stack on the network I know how to act as the event a stethoscope is acting as a doctor they teach that medical school but they don't you should make a fool out act on the network when you're on the wrong end of the stethoscope with it was very violent around I try to help their patients

some of them acted like they didn't want any help but

listen we're going thank you have a hard time finding things to do they they they had a student of weird

change theory on that note where they they try to convince me that the quality of my life would be improved if I've learned how to make leather belts

it made no sense to me at all I don't I don't know how my life could be improved in anyway if I learned how to make the the mouse I didn't understand the theory besides I didn't understand the instructions

but that wasn't my fault I I've always known that if you don't understand a thing well enough that you can explain it to me so that I understand that you don't really understand it all that well and that stupid occupational therapist had already explained it to me three times and I wasn't gonna barrister by asking a fourth time and it is a strange thing to I went to AA meetings just to get off the network and I've I've been to every a function I can think of since I go I love to go to a a functions the roundups conferences conventions even social events or anything and yet I've never been to one yet

where they had a occupational therapy both yeah

and yet for some reason other words if you the statement that I went back to the network I mean made the most beautiful Fairmont this if you've ever seen

their moccasins and a half wallet

and I mean I'm not this is Richard rific favorite good months and they really look good in the workmanship was terrific and it felt good and they were good I threw him every chance I got and Minnetonka vacant repairman patch them up in the seven years lasted seven years I

was able were those offices every chance I got and when they were out I wish I felt bad

not bad enough to go back and make another payment

that I did the

and thirdly

thank you Max apparently was concerned about my navy going back another pack because for my seven day a birthday she had my moccasins bronze

and I love my Branson office in Tennessee I just think you're tripping as long as I remember where they came from I won't have to go back and make an affair I just love them

even though they're not nearly as comfortable anymore okay

the

but anyway I am

as I said it wasn't enough I like when I started going to these meetings and

I didn't become the hike to I become the snakes for seven months

that's where you get a holistic because you get it in meetings like this it's a it's a contagious disease you know

people think you get it by which put your mouth nose which invited by which of it go in your ears if you're here today you're not really really really hot

the real careful what you listen to

this is a contagious if we pick it up in places like that's why that's why I always identify on the on the on

and you can't speak English you don't face tough enough like this so that if somebody gets the disease I can't blame you say they weren't warned

the fact this is yeah I thank you with all the local bar when these places markets among the survey long off like please raise your hand you will get the same response there is

thank they wanting to give a damn funny the

the hawks in the bars hi Sir only needing

then Sunday morning Sunday morning at meeting and and that's this is where I got my disease I came to one meeting too many

I wasn't aware now hike at all when I came here then after seven months I use just just south of like enough to just to stay in them I've become more alcoholic since

at nine AM in fact I think a lot more alcoholic today if I everything I see it all the researchers god bless a a research workers they keep testing the waters out there see if there's any safer to drink now than it was when I came in and

from what I see I'm more a hike now and more allergic downfall now than I was when I quit drinking and

I don't intend to test that theory just really let them test it then what's the what happens and there's the one yeah come back and say they found anything better the album is working on a mini better than it was

I always did the feel that I reacted abnormally unusually to

the drug alcohol and it's not difficult for me to conceive of I've been around medicine since I was four years old and

every medicine I know I grew up in a drugstore and ended up in medical school yeah the pharmacist first indicted Mike the pharmacist that people didn't seem to think that was such a big deal people work very impressed with me having pharmacy degree I thought they'd be more impressed you have a medical degree business depression my family didn't want me to be a doctor I want to stay home with the family drug store there's no money in funds for me to become a doctor

so my answer to that problem was to marry the girl next door I suggest you work my way through medical school and she did and I did and I got a doctor but people are very impressed with that either I thought they'd be more impressive especially degrees I said if you're doing a good job yet you keep on working and will get us especially degree and she did and I did I specialized in internal medicine at sweet treat the medical problems of adults you don't do any surgery can't stand the sight of blood

don't treat any kids can't stand his recounts

in

mistreated does and that's only does one thing you can do that they want to things they wanna label you know what's wrong with me doc in given names yet because of the fact that I guess I guess the biggest thank you how you can get me for what they want they want a label and I want to kill the labeling of prescription

I was that was my special I was good at that I was wrong you I can give it a name then I had a pill for it

I had a bill for every ill and it happened I was sick a lot and

next I build a real big factors big banks as they practice very ethical practice he even had my own version of the Hippocratic oath in that I never ever gave the patient a fill the hand first tried out on myself

well from the way it would sound like you thought I'd use them and I

I never refused any health and you thank yes any doctor any doctor at all asking doctor how the patient got hooked on his pills and always be the same he always says that they abused their kill

the abuse tonight

I never used it I thank I mean the hi you've used the strongest of all fat

it's a cool dude from

verbal abuse I never used it because I can only own little feel popped a little pocket thank

and to be very careful way K. fills in

then came in the change it was a good change requires state yeah here you go you know I

they put your response can you go to get the keys in your car you go like that

running down the hall

maybe you should pocket when you're not wearing a sweater and you see the terminals right through the sure even though and they fall out the heat you keep them in this world and so I treated myself with respect

never became never abused him and never if they're just tiny little pills and I

the reviews are there we can go ahead Phil had six kills to get higher to get loaded or something I like to taste them or some I don't know I never did that I never ever to fill unless I had the symptoms that only that those through the

I had the symptoms either heather I could feel it coming on

sure every bill every joke was medically indicated at the time when taken according to directions and prescribed by doctors

indispensable I pharmacist I am on my bills like makes a moment those by the thousand

can you imagine that woman buying a thousand live room and taking one a day

why would anybody take one a day

a similar one drink for god's sake you can tell she's weird

but I I shouldn't talk to an ex is fine he said this traffic is my fact the less than a month the second of next month second the next month thanks and I will celebrate our celebrate food we will have our forty eighth wedding anniversary

we will have been the mostly involved a very very degrees of intensity we will have any mo involved with each other for over sixty years

okay who is right

nasdaq as I've often said the young people today

they just don't have what it takes to put together a relationship by young people they don't don't have what it takes to

put together a collaboration with

for one thing you've got to be very very old

is it can like my friend Angie says there's only two rules of becoming an old timer they only two rules don't drink don't die yeah

if you hang in there maybe you can make it

I saw somebody reacting to drugs because you and I and also to like that way every drugs the same all go to the same everybody reacts to him exactly the same as everybody else except for the people react differently

yeah everybody take aspirin the people can't

having taken some steps they were looking to

here's the big events on the my shot yeah and give them a shot and so on turn around this race down the drop dead

we

wow it sure is sensitive to that

we will soon be tonight yeah

when did they get a good nowadays and I have to just leave it alone

we all drugs are like that in them yeah that's where I am with the alcohol I would take alcohol India course I drank alcohol everybody drinks alcohol there's no this country wellness a drinking society everybody drink after drink you couldn't find a place to view and interactively watches because you're waiting for that's what you have in common celebrate in things like that and you have to drink

is that sometimes when I drank I would end up getting accidentally drunk

and

I used to drink to go to add to

church dinner dances lectures students is hatred of people who have talked to another tough people and if you can't not dances church didn't actually we can't just sit there is always some hyperactive room comes from left is this month while I says I don't I don't sure you don't drag me out of Florida and prove that you don't dance you know

they cannot dance as I used to have a few drinks for a good relaxed me physically and I think that's that's good but actually million I could talk to people

but it seems like as time went by the two got out of sync

and I would maybe not even of the gun to relax mentally yet I get to relax physically

yeah I did I wouldn't I'm it's affect my tongue in my mouth or something I might this beach and I went and talked very

they

and the leverage they so nobody would notice

I would trip and stumble I would ship when there was nothing to it I find myself lying on the floor

my my my brain is a get up you fool people think you're drunk

in my brain my body was saying what he means we're paralyzed two years down

yeah my name is not stranger than paradise I can't move it there's no not that we can't move here and I

it is not an alcohol affects us that way

yeah and they they're mentally I would leaf through the pages of Goodman and Gilman's text book of pharmacology under ethanol ism looking for stocks to college you SO and effects of then I never could find paralysis from the years down

I know someday I'm gonna have to ask somebody about that yeah

one we actually

this call

I never found anybody to ask

you don't ask questions like that because they levitated builds impractical things like well if it makes a paralyzed don't drink it you know and then once that's kind of an answer but I lay there and think about it and how to figure out why I react

world right now in fact it was a you know scientific them it was an interesting give me something to think about take my mind off my full bladder

all right

this is a bad combination ever I was paralyzed two years down said a full bladder

the latter that absolutely refused to remain full

the practical combination in the MAS news morning was I going to talk about my dog Lucy what about my dog this is the one that the used to come home from a veterinarian with the message of the all they needed was more love and I

remember that I didn't know that Max was going to the psychiatrist my kids are going to clinical psychologist there's all kind of classy and modern and have you supposed to do that if you're really interested in your family take good care of it was fine but it really hurt my feelings this dumb cat and dog doctor would think I had a neurotic dog

members telling us you tell that idiot cat and dog doctors know psychiatrist on windows why this is don went my parents when I'm holding it

strangely enough that dog is a wet my pants since they joined AA

yeah neither

we both get better and

the other thing about this tricky sometimes there was a very relaxed physically and I wouldn't I wouldn't even begin to relax physically and I get to relax mentally it's just a fountain hall was the solvent that dissolved all the as he says nice said hello all my brain cells together in my mind morally and emotionally just went in yeah I fell apart in the

I would be like I would be

drinking and my my brain cells we all get together and they say well what the hell he's drinking anyhow this take the night off

one home go to bed

in my body going doing things

in the morning I try to figure out what my body had been doing on my brain was home in bed

I never did figure out how to recall things that weren't recorded at the time that they happen

Stephen retrospective the longer I drank the harder it was for me to predict what's going to happen when I drink but that didn't keep me from reckon I turn my love my life of the care of alcohol day after day and Oklahoma in pills and drugs with it every day

way back in pharmacy school I found I didn't drink upon his thinking found I found out that I couldn't sleep at night was just critical that I sleep at night there's some horrible would happen if I lay there awake at night I go to school all day work thank god for all the mistakes of midnight one took out a bit and they they're not half awake half asleep in the morning and people tired and stupid

and I found out that I could take a couple of years in the study Karen jumped eventually it real fast and make a smart

I got on aggressive RC school ninety grace in medical school and it always says about the moment I I could you sleeping pills because they didn't work till the next day but a couple of double visions work fine the end but I didn't realize that when I drank in order to get to sleep I was now using a chemical in order some living problem that's not social drinking and using alcohol the Sava living power and this better living through chemistry that's what it is

and I found it as through the years every time I use the chemicals all them from it worked

they found was that as it worked its work for shorter short of free time had to be repeated or took more and more of it to get the same effect

and also it had a side effect which meant that I had to take it some other chemical to counteract the side effect of the one I was thinking so that my decision was progressive and all three of those categories and that's why I had to switch to other films I remember what that mark had tough in order to sleep at night the harder it was to get up in the morning the phone is picked up for us to get up in the morning planet I I'm very indebted to his appetite and teachers we call them and I started with and had the upper and a Downer in it one day I said to myself why it's taken so the down recently trying to get up there so that the downdraft was taken straight amphetamines and I am very indebted to them because I don't know that I would have the stamina to stay out there and complete all of my pre a a training period if if it hadn't been for the best deals in the

they did affect my hearing in the sometimes I couldn't listen fast enough to hear what I was saying that

thanks a million I think to myself what does he say that again for a more recent three I don't know just sounds are good I think I'll say it again

I don't talk about anymore because of women's lives

people get after me but is it true story in anything I say is true as I remember a semi life reaches a point we have to to make up stories to tell it is me something but I remember I used to do a lot of physical examinations and but I exam and then I have them take off everything but their shores when I send women I had to take off everything and I give up get a little cheaper to host a stick around through the she hangs down from the feeling I got something on the table facing this when I'm standing on the sideline examiner ice years nose throat I think of fasting a drop it down and I put my immediately put my right hand over the left breast and I said it only says same thing I always say you examine your breasts regularly for lumps

one of two things happen they they think to themselves

when I started we do that I used to do that then you found a lump so I decided it wasn't doing it right so I stopped doing it but I ought to be doing that they're all say thank when I started to only do that but I don't want them to my breasts and I've never done that but I'll be doing it the the way they think the scientific aspect of why some Manistee was hands on Everest so I just never put my hands on a woman's breasts without sin your exam your breasts regularly for lumps

it is always worked very well for me

he said this window into work and it wasn't doing at all well that morning as I recall I had the flu again and I took a

so it's a mixture of business examining this yeah who are the small ones you a short small this is she was not she was small she wasn't well endowed in the press the very nice M. drives there's no throw nectar of fasting dropped on my right hand over left nothing

they're very seriously and I said you examine your lan strictly for rest

what happened

the meter in a

so I ended up in another one

there I went to the some of those in a in a meeting yeah

I thought I'd go to enough of it to get the passes or to get out of the you know brownie points to get out of the network that happiness on and not worry as having a happy psychiatrist you do almost anything they have a certain element of control over it and I did really win my discharge button I got out I had no intentions of going back to the thing but that's nice to say in this morning she like to me and once I found out she liked and then I could use that against you because then she acted smart and I was just I was going to go to meeting anymore on Saturday night and I don't know if you've ever tried she went off she did so she couldn't do it she got the car and drove down to Laguna beach from Anaheim the freeways and all this stuff but she couldn't do it and if you ever tried that stand home on Saturday night drinking well your non alcoholic wife is off laughing it up the day Amy yeah I found it kind of boring and I'm the one who when I had a concussion and stuff in the house but I wouldn't stay unless she stayed there in the bed next to me can you picture that this big shot Dr as a patient in the hospital is on the staff of any won't stay overnight and this is mommy wife days

stays with them so very independent very deep dependent and so I went back to the main just be with her in seven months I turned into an alcoholic and then there's a lot of things that happened at constant one was that idea somebody say

they were round they set themselves they said I was judging me by my intentions in the world was judging me by my actions

and I was sorry they said that

I am one of the best intention people you'll ever meet

and then if I looked at just my actions just fine I didn't like what I saw it was about that time it is very important I think it was right about that time somebody said them right out they said the

I'd rather be in a a by mistake they're not there by mistake

and that that has affected my program to this day

because at that time I was making a list of things that you had done that I hadn't done that I thought once the list is long enough with somehow proof into your Aptiva certainly I wasn't he couldn't not do all those things that you've done and still be on high and let's also make a list of things that are wrong with the ache and I realize that once you knew I didn't belong he asked me what I thought of it as I was leaving the

the matter fact they still have both listed in your screen where they aren't always asking for but I really impressive this is this is a this season it's a

I'm fascinated by what this disease does to those of us who are allergic

the fascinated by drunk a lot this fascinating well called

not only to us to have the allergy but those who love those of us who have the allergy

the I enjoy not only on the jungle locks but the Allen alongs in there they are the more fascinating than what alcohol does to us what's even more fascinating is the recovery

recovery center it's the only disease I know you know where in when we get well we're well than we were before we got

we other than well rested

I gave him back his register here the story isn't gonna either want give me summer just because this thing will happen

the most pressing this December study in the

I am currently enjoy okay and I enjoyed being sober and I enjoyed being a part of this program enjoy what's going on here I just I think it was three AM

his history and it I think that that that that is when I was in and out when I was in the

breast center I don't know the rest the Russian you get in the car to run into after Benjamin rush Benjamin rush was a psychiatrist

a very very prominent psychiatrists he was like the Surgeon General of the United States in a time of general Washington you know when it is the fact is one of three doctors who signed the declaration of independence of the fact and you think

anything in his time he wrote a treatise the twenty eight page treatise on alcoholism as a disease that was telling the doctor said that that they should recognize this the Senate who treated they should do the things to help prevent

and just a month ago saving a copy of his treatment and one of the last things he suggested was way to prevent ingestion of alcohol could be stopped totally and permanently

who will win the things we say all along and but we do it in a time but anyway and then do it accepted

who is this the doctor for bill Wilson was also believed alcoholism was to just see

NET reminded me meeting here today so far haven't been able to convince bill Wilson said it was for the season ahead rather than a moral issue

matter of intellect or will power and

so it's a medical problem and it was empty and the Oxford road with heavy and Phyllis long to the you can realize that within a spiritual recovery we have a medical problems for recovery two factors medical from a spiritual recovery it was bill Wilson who added the third element

it's a it's a medical problem Rick recovery maybe if I give it away we can both youth

part of the Oxford movement to go out and get convince other people

they took his idea of it being a medical problems very plants you know giving away the other out possible states over you ran around finding junction tone about his recovery I understand there's definitely some

it's over when working he was disappointed

it was complaining to his wife Laura his idea in work and none in the stands over

she said something to the effect well it is working still with your server

he said

and he was about to leave for Akron valued acting complained it don't stop with that nothing wasn't working his idea and self respect don't stress the medical ID yes virtual recovery is the first thing stress is a medical problem first it is a disease it's a medical problem then the spiritual and to see if that works he said on Friday went to Akron first drunk he tried it on it worked

and it was born

and it turned out that that first drunk they talked to that work was another was a young physician

and god in his infinite

sense of humor Charlotte that position with the proper pouches the specialist and rectal pain

they may not be here today if it hadn't been the case you know

I find it here

the idea of giving it away to keep it is essentially the whole thing it seems to me it seems to me it's a it's a very loving thing to give it away it's a very loving thing to just listen to somebody giving it away you're doing it now just sitting and listening sitting in listing that's a very loving thing to do

it really doesn't matter what the speaker is saying how well how it's going please sit there listen to listeners yeah that's right I've seen you do it I know you said listen if the very lovely thanks and bye you sitting there listening and I talked

it helps I'm trying to help you stay over you help me stay so everybody up locked down we don't we don't walk out on people are talking about what they're saying because if you did that the persistent you might end up drunk

we want to stay sober so we listen

it seems to be the face mask seven kind of making a hobby of learning more and more about how to communicate it's not a communicating with people in a A. three communicating with people out there communicate with each other

me communicating with my higher power

and that seems to be the whole I I have a theory

thank you very I happen to know what makes an alcoholic you know hi IBM but I don't

tell people that

because I don't want them to argue with me

my mind is made up I don't know any facts you know

is that is what they call it's called the pathophysiology of the disease what consciousness is what makes you know how I can apply

well let me tell you

don't tell anybody else but I'll tell you

and alcoholic isn't her as a person who has a tremendous capacity to generate love

an incapacity to express love

so the alcoholic generates just let it loose love and it builds up the suppression it can't be express is like

pressuring you to tell

it's just building up and building up and it can't be really

chemicals alcohols poured in and it seems to relieve the pressure but it doesn't really seem to make you know I get the impression of it helping it's actually making it worse it worsened secure indication proud and love can't be express and the pressure builds up and gets worse and worse and even if it can only can't give love they can't receive love for the people that love us can't express their love for us and they begin to get screwed up

they can express their love either and the pressure then builds up in them and and that's the pressure gets worse it comes out not a slow but hostility anger frustration resentment on the negative emotions even violence

there's no answer to that

there's no answer to that question these are expressed love content what happens

you're no good judgment on their own the end up in a Hey

in in AA

what we do is a newcomer

we love the hell out of

I just love the hell with the taken men we don't care who they are where they've been what they've done what they haven't done

miss America they want to be loved or not we just love you

and what happens they start acting loving

they start getting somebody else a Cup of coffee they smile at somebody across the room the Sheikh Kansas I remember somebody's name and that makes sense if they do these things or acts of love that aren't even recognized as acts of love and would love this and even mention it it ends up the newcomer in a matter of days weeks months they're sober they don't even know why

the Devon acting loving the news in there with that which literally love the hell hellish nice

the that's the way it works Andrea this idea of communicating is

my first talking about this morning it's a very loving thing to try to communicate with the person you're living with them or the people in your own house it's fun to

China to treat the people in our home the way a atriz newcomers

would be great if we could treat everybody with me throughout our lives as newcomers way atriz newcomers

and I am

even try to do loving things I mean that one man I remember a woman in our morning meeting said that she wanted to be more loving so she's faster

sponsor how she could be more loving

that's fine just don't try to be more loving she says don't try to do the same things to stop doing something I love it

well she always hated to judge on their kids always shown is just jealous because the most when she picked up the papers morning papers scattered all the house picked it up so if you don't the kids

she made up her mind

from now on she wanna go the LCS which picked up papers

yell at them all the rest of the time that you and your young ones picked up a

you're gonna have a picnic there was not the only kids so she's taken up she felt so good because she was looking for other things you can do and not yell at the kids

and this is how I find it you just looking for little things

I am

pretty little things that are similar this is like Max

thanks I said I was gonna say Max likes to wake up to a hot Cup of coffee getting Mexico because we don't want to do it that is in the status

C. O. used to say that love was doing things for free and for fun expecting nothing in return

I had those kind of stupid

because I always knew that marriage France was a fifty fifty proposition

that was one of the dumbest thing I ever learned in my life and marriage is a fifty fifty proposition because I spent all my life checking around to see what was happening last times I would put some loving on the bounce and I couldn't because Max into anything on for a long time

yeah I found that for some nine thousand completing more until I see what you put on

I did a long time fan she put something on it was at fifty percent I don't think that was the reason I think someone

fifty fifty proposition marriages if if you can answer love is a hundred percent

you do it for free for fun expecting nothing in return even if you expect a

thank you to appreciate it and it's not love this virus the effect how do this for you if you appreciate it later on you do something for me

who knows them

the same access to wake up in a hot Cup comfortably through this should like to wake up at all she's doing yeah

when she does wake up he likes to look over to the left and see a Cup of coffee on her bedside table

she doesn't like hot coffee it's just my cold hot coffee we should I skip a hot coffee with three ice cubes in

it's nice to be able to see the ice cubes in

it it gives it now that it starts your day off with the problem right there yeah the

it was not a

senior citizens I get up for Max out for me and and what should I don't know where she stores all sleep she gets but