The topic of

thank you very much good morning I'm Tom I have a stir and I'm calling

it is nice to see you

I am a

learn that Icelandic people like music

but take a look at three AM they

the only problem is the only know one song

and they play it with varying levels of intensity and tempo

with huge drums and

hard to sleep when you've bears vibrating from

I want to tell you that because of a look bad is not a contradiction of the values of recovery

yes

it's great to be here

I I really agreed with everything today said

I don't think he said anything Kerry and I just did a group conscience

we decided he was mumbling

it is great to be here a lot and I'm glad you're kind of bunched up this way because it's a little cozier that way

and what I want to do is

well I want to do what I was asked to do because

B. tool the tool

as a threatened me bodily with those crutches

if I deviated all

so what what I'll do is they said about forty minutes which means about forty five

which is a crutch in hand

and

I would only do three basic things about this this business of trusting god

that's a kind of a topic that would have scared me to death when I came here because I thought it is anybody that claims that sort of thing I thought was a kind of a spiritual toy or something that

didn't have any real meaning to me except it was scary

so as I wanna I wanna talk a little bit about about

finding the the the power for an aggravated case like maybe

and then a little bit about using the power you know you know you have of making the power functional in my life

and then a little bit about

so what happens when when that when that goes so that's essentially the kind of where I'd like to go

I run to the foreman probably get hung up the first part of it

I was doing a newcomer meeting

a few years back and you know how to say from from the mouths of babes you learn great things

I was doing this new cover meeting and there was a young lady

send us can I ask the questions and answers questions and and she said that I've been hearing about the spiritual side of the program since I got here

yeah she she said what's the other side

I said shut up

it's a great question what is the other side

if if if that were the spiritual programs

we'd be dead meat right now I suspect okay so it is beautiful program that's the good news today it was the bad news when I came here

yeah I was a

yeah I was a rather aggravated case

I was a fellow I will go into graphic detail who will grunt and groan tomorrow

but it will go into a little bit that

you must sit down Adam you must

and it got like this could sneak anywhere you can think about is it going to attract attention

you want to see this guy sneaking up on you know parking lots

what we realize is

when I was a guy that was

I don't think is a unique about it I personally have never met a single alcoholic this I've been in a who hasn't had major difficulties in the spiritual life I sponsored ministers and priests and they tend to have more anguish in that area than average K.

so I've never I've never dealt with anybody who hasn't had a spiritual dilemma either for for whatever comes in a variety of forms and shapes but but but I've never met one that

it is always more typical than a typical

I was a guy who

I I grew up in you have you probably don't know a lot about southern United States

but you probably have such a thing and I just lose well we we we have a thing we call the Bible belt

and it's a it is an area that has a particular reason religious fervor that is a a lot more animated and a lot more noisy is almost like the Icelandic music at three AM

larger than life

and not many people do well with that

I was introduced as a child as a defenseless child and I was taken into this Bible belt fundamentalist religion

and I found it to be extremely scary

it was confusing

it was not something encouraging or that that I couldn't couldn't as it could have any real interest in into that and I'm talking about is a preschool youngster

not talking about a rebellious teen I'm not at a preschool youngster

we're going through that kind of fumbling approach to religion

I discovered that I didn't believe some of that stuff I mean I just didn't believe

and there is an enormous amount of guilt associated with the child

is

doubting and challenging something as fearsome as the idea of god

it's so what happened was a deep sense of guilt about that

a deep sense of of of of the hidden thoughts and ideas

and I never really share those ideas with anybody

thoroughly until I was in Alcoholics Anonymous for a good while

no I I I had to engage people in that bar room debates about which came first the chicken or the egg into god's god so good what is all that one of the only tragically that we all got it all those kinds of philosophical deals

and but what what I what I wanted was a guy who had thoughts that were so bad

that I couldn't service them

never shared with a single person and and so that was my spiritual life and over time that went from confusion and doubt and guilt to total disbelief animosity toward the idea

and when I walked into account as long as I was totally empty in anything that could be could have been described as a as a spiritual life there was not

and if there was it was a negative quality or not a positive quality

it doesn't sound like a great place to start recovery in this spiritual program

but that's who I was

and so when I walked in Alcoholics Anonymous the first thing I heard was the prayer that I think we closed with last night

I didn't understand the words but I felt the rhythm

and

so I prayed I'm I'm well I'm not sure what I say it

but I can't give you sounded almost like you guys are

and that's what I was greeted with when I walked in the hallways and on

and it was not a good feeling yeah it I thought I had walked into to some kind of a religious revival

that isn't a real fear some prayer now

but it reaffirmed to me what I suspected Alcoholics Anonymous debate was just bunch of religious zealots and stuff like that

and I never had been

confined anywhere

that they want a bunch of clean people who would come by and try to talk with you about that kind of stuff and then it was so foreign to me it was a bit of

and so that's the god that was sitting on the chair when I first walked into a

so how do we deal with a with a case like that

thank god

for the design of Alcoholics Anonymous

I know that it was put together hurriedly by hopeless cases

but thank god for the the the soundness and the clarity and the utility of higher programs laid out

because listen don't listen what is it I just say one more thing that about that and then they're not

there was somebody said a smart person can't member who was

but a smart person stand

what god would use in so many words what god would use he first reduces to not

and boy is that ever I say

but god would use the first reduces did nothing

yeah our program

it isn't based on achievement

or attainment

or knowledge information

our program our recovery is born of the bitter ashes of defeat

and relationship and trust in god

is born of the bitter ashes of defeat

it's not an intellectual process

it's a spiritual process and and so when I walked into cogs nam was in was greeted with that kind of unpleasant notion that this is a spiritual program

not attractive but thank god for how we approach it because listen to the second step

it says we came to believe

not we had a conversion experience

not that we had some dramatic burning bush once in a while we have at our founder had

I had it a few times but it turned out to be the teaser that

it's

some people have that

but it's worked for me for many of us that that came to believe is a critical critical factor in spiritual life

the great thing about Alcoholics Anonymous that it turned out for me

what's that we start we we are

no matter where that is we start where we are

not where we think we ought to be or not we would like to be we start where we are

no apology for it okay I'm at the point of nothing

and then

we grow as we're able to grow

thank god it became very clear to me early on that Alcoholics Anonymous is not about getting good

deliver me from from getting good

I tell you the truth I've gotten better than I ever intended to get I didn't

I didn't intend that I didn't intend to stay sober as long

and I certainly never intended to get this good

Matt I'm disgusting I'm so good as

we came to believe and it's about getting well not good and and that was tremendously important for me that I didn't know I had always seen the world and I saw fellow alcoholics in a eight as being at a different level of life than me

so when I would hear people talk about the spiritual life it sounded like they were from another planet

and I did not relate to that

yeah so what I related to

was what I saw people who claim to be god's kids do

I responded to an ax

of kindness and consideration and courage that defied imagination

but when I got the real active in the program

the started to get really caught up in the physical activities that I had the job of inviting speakers

and I invited a fellow one time that I didn't know I drop him a note and asking to come speak and he sent me a note back said sure be glad to okay

and when I walked in the meeting I just wanted to crawl over your credit so you just want to disappear you just want to crawl away and hide somewhere

I had written a letter to a guy who said later on the bus and be with me always spoke a few minutes he was terminal with cancer of the throat

and some folks say it don't hurt but it did for him and then he stood up in a in a rather pains kind of voice

I didn't know no melodrama node no high drama about his condition

he shared what he was able to share

well it doesn't get any more spiritual than that for me

so I came to believe because of what I saw god's kids do

and then I came to believe

they were saying there was a thing in a meeting we went I went to the meeting Thursday night

and

there's a there's a sign that that

that's sad

who am I to say there's no god yeah

it is a great sign because that was one of the mile posts on my way to some spirituality

you just accepted the fact

that who am I yes I am one he Bernice you want just to have all the sand on the beach and I'm going to be arrogant enough to justify every learning person in the world there's no such thing is that I have declared itself

six but that was me yeah and and

I mean so that whole business of surrender and opening up so that something you come in I tell you the first believe that I've ever really had

by the way if you don't recognize that global

that's the sun

I understand it don't appear very often

C.

the first power that I would revert fully believed in

was

not a concept it is a feeling

his Patty let you just can't do dressed people out but you just can't take them out

bush pilot believed in

I could have explained it to anybody

thank god I didn't have to explain to anybody

but sitting in meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous I sensed a power

I since the power

could not define it couldn't describe it couldn't deny it

but I since the power that was greater than me

greater than us

it's something that I could truly believe and trust because I knew it was there

the people beginning I

but I'll tell you something

forty seven years later

it hasn't changed much

is still feeling you know part of the problem I always had was that I tried to define god's now wanted to draw a picture put it in a box but definition on

but obviously if I could do that it's not got

and so what I had to accept is that thank you very much I knew there was one decent person in this crowd

since

as in the

yeah quickly you lose it

the what what a powerful radio to start to truly believe that there's something there and and then

fable beginning to be sure

but enough yeah I always had a kind of an approach your borders the reaction to the spiritual meeting yeah it was it was spiritual topic I would wanna go I wanna go but I wouldn't want to go yeah and I think she's not dead third step again over here we go

and so I always go and so it's a very very delicate process for some of us

and so it went when I look at that spiritual foundation this laid out particular second Thursday

I forgot like me it is critically important to keep it in perspective

and to not get carried away with some kind of high toned notion of what the spiritual life is about

I really like the way our book approaches and I like to have a look approaches most things

it says that it's okay

to have your head in the class

something like that

but keep those big feet on the ground

and so when I start thinking about the spiritual life is easy for a guy like me to jump to extremes

but it's very important to me to remember from whence I came

and that what I came to believe there is a power that I felt within me

and so when I start to turn my life over to that power is very important to not let that get into some heavenly magic show

that is a matter of utilizing the power that's a part of my life

and not my thought was always like when I first started trying to learn to pray

I always do and I didn't know how to price

and I would want to pray for everything you know I pray for crop failure in India you know and all kind of stuff like

they didn't have much to do this thing but but learning how to pray in a way that really had affected my life

it was it was something to learn it was not an automatic kind of a thing for me

and so it becomes a very real kind of a function in my life to this day I still don't

I gotta I gotta find a way to highlight shades

I'll do it like this

yes

to this day I don't get too carried away with that kind of stuff you know I I like to to to to recognize is that the power within

has to connect with the power without and I don't get a lot more complicated than that your when I start looking at how to live this way as well I with faculty act I can keep it I keep the shade out

well yeah I'm good I'm good how does look bad

yes

the the real key thing for me is about to be an issue

we ended June so that the power that lives within is in June with the power that's larger than

us the the lard the higher power it's about being to not give you the example of of

of how that how that functions in my life

I fly a lot you know and and I have a lot of experience is having to do with blind in one day I was I was

I was walking down the concourse rushing down the concourse at the airport Chicago o'hare airport

and

I realize that I was greeted

well you don't green in airports everybody's mad in there no no nobody grins at me you look like an idiot when you walk down the and so I realized I was greeted

and I felt embarrassed so I put on my game face you know so I could go down there the fourth

and then it dawned on Lee something very important what is it that causes a guy

to have that kind of blissful state of mind what is it that causes a guy to get in that condition and what is settle down to with me was it three things that are

that were important

while I was in that condition walking down the the concourse at airports

I was who I am supposed to be

no pretense no role playing I am who I am

I am where I'm supposed to be

I was the only way to Fargo North Dakota

which makes Iceland look like Key West Florida

and it was February

nobody ought to be smiling going to Fargo North Dakota

but I was where I was supposed to be had made a commitment and I'm in the process of keeping that commitment from where I'm supposed to be

and I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing

doing god's work yes I made a decision to turn to turn my will and my life over to the care got so I'm out doing god's work

and I'm walking down airport grinning

there's a name for that at the end at least a lot of corn

it's called this is owned to me it is like getting into his own voice almost like cruise control you know you just kind of kind of Roland

there's a guy I don't know if you've ever heard of them up here but there's a guy down in our country in North Carolina

the plays basketball

it is name is Michael Jordan and I

and he has been fairly proficient at that game

and one day if you ever saw the re runs of his been run a million times

he was in a game with somebody

and he was one of those times when he could not miss the basket

I mean he could just throw it from mid court you know nothing would just go in

and he just scored astronomical number of points and he was driving down the court one day the thing that got on the re runs of much

and he looked over at the opposing team eventually gave it that yeah

I don't leave my house

yes but it is just going that way and that's the way this is your when that thing is working

I'm alive really sayings it really sayings for Michael Jordan from me and I suspect for you

yeah I used I used to play golf a little bit I'm only injured reserve list right now but I'll be back but that is coming up later in the month

I have never been a great golf is decent but not good and one day I was playin

ran into a couple of guys that one of my sponsored program and asked me to play with them and I said yeah OK so played

and I'm on the next to the last hole on the front nine

and if you're not a golfer that may not mean that's that's the first half of the game you know and when you finish first nine holes you have to go eat a hot dog what do you like it or not

and tell lies get ready for the next half and so I finish that only eight whole

I realized that I was shooting an extremely low score

SO I played the the the the nine holes

and I set

hi the course record for the lowest score in the history of that class

that day I'm not that good

so I I was choking down a hot dog I couldn't wait to get to the back

I think about the difference between

yeah here's a kind of a rinky **** offer

and I had a course record and I don't even know it

you know it's almost just like fluid motion

almost like Michael Jordan scored at astronomical number of points

and so I got in the clubhouse and I started thinking

boy what I get on it back and I'll bring this coast its knees bent out right correct

I was fifteen strokes works out

the one time that

this is the spiritual life when when I'm in June and when I'm doing naturally and freely exactly what I'm supposed to be doing my god does it ever work does it ever work

and so I trust god because I know what happens in my life when I trust and in June and practice this life

and so it is a natural kind of thing where life works amazingly well I'm a guy

you know like the book says that the spiritual life is not a theory

we have to leave live it

I'm somebody who truly believes that

now when I first came in AA and I heard people talking about living a spiritual life I really did think they sounded like spiritual robots and it sounded just abnormal to me yes I'm gonna talk about well I'm looking around for a parking place that can't fight once operated somebody's Volkswagen just disappear you know and I had misplaced you well that's about how I sound now I talk like that that's it

but it's different with me

courses

I use it in everything that I do there's nothing of significance that I don't do

based on the spiritual life

every morning you know when I start my day

and recover from the night before I when I start my day I started out very simple prayer yeah I I don't pray for survival anymore I don't take it for granted but I don't pray for them

what what I pray for is thanks for what you've given it your thanks for the life

and and I asked god to help me be a good example

I want to be somebody who reflects well what this life's about

and when we talk about our program the traction we're not talking about an ad on television

we're not talking about a booklet or brochure

what we're talking about the program of the traction is us

it is what kind of an example of mine to somebody else so I asked to be a good example

to be worthy of the gift

and that takes a good living to be worthy of the gift

and to be sensitive to opportunities to be of service

now I guarantee you when you prayed that prayer and you mean that

you will get opportunities to be of service

who knows how many ways here but when I'm tuned in and sensitive to trying to be a spiritual person in my life there's absolutely no limit to it

sometimes it may simply be say unto a god this load boxes Hey Jeez I bet it's hard work yeah

yeah or saying to somebody in a restaurant thanks for the service you know just simple little things like that how many people there are in this world

who needs a little bit of encouragement

I don't need any profound stuff just need a little encouragement

yeah it's like I mentioned about how much time I spend in airports

and shift in a little bit

end of the the pay off the car

now I do that because I believe that and I feel that

and I swear to god it's amazing what happens when I try to live a spiritual life

and I could give you thousands of of examples but I'll just give you give you a few

it memo nine eleven happened

I had to fly the next weekend

well flying the next weekend was not a good plan

but what my plans are to code I had to show up airport look like bay route I mean it was bad news everybody stand around with guns and mad and and I mean Bedlam pure Bedlam

so I'm checking in at No trying to

and there was a poor lady

our sales read it and and they do it during that little flurry of stuff the person on duty had to do everything

had to control the crowd do the ticket do this but not the physical search but had to move the suitcase for you at all as to what I was watching this poor lady that was doing it she was a

the bell B. diplomatic she was sort of well nourished curls and not

and she was sweating I was she was not glowing she was sweating

and not having a good day

and the

so I got up there not I think I just lighten up a little bit you know I mean as you don't have time for too much provided but I said

I say man this medicine she said you know I'm right to some and I said I tell you what you do you work on the quitting time and then take the rest of the day off

she said you better believe I'll take the day off and I'm taking tomorrow off to let it go for it girl you can go for it I was

we just just kind of looking around a little bit just to give her some other complaints yet

well I finished up your deal

and I kind of enjoyed it cheated to

and so I started walking off and I'm in the middle of Beirut do you hate guns everywhere now but Matt clued her

and I hear his voice Mister hi Mister

as well she said come back if we got some

she kept me up to first class

I could just picture that'll Yankees saying how did I get out of my seat I

squares relies on the theory we live it

and it pays I mean it absolutely please yeah it is not is not a not manipulating the world is just the way it works yeah you hear that thing in here that you can't give away when you get

believe it believe it you can't get are you one more example of the things that I wouldn't do it not back with Kane yet

that is it well with headed somewhere close to home straight

no no we don't get your hopes up and I'm not real quick there we headed

when I was working I'm unemployed now

story

you may want to take up an offering to help out

when I was working I worked in a cut in on office complex downtown

and I'm the kind of guy I am either wide open or dead stop

moderation is not my name that is not me

and so I'm kind of guy I either take a two hour lunch

or none

and so there's a little rescue place for guys like maybe in the next building the mine

so I will I will about every six months so I go over there just to get survival food you know

as I walked in one day and there was little that'll really but drag all the other little gal working in there does she does look like she'd been beaten by everything in life you know just sort of sort of beaten down gap

as science has started messing with yeah I just sort of loosening up a little bit

and so when we visited

and I said I'd like a tuna sandwich

Tunis yes you have to listen

that's a good thing I like to buy a car good god man I had to slap them away you know I mean I still run and all

well

nice visit about six months later I'm back

when I walked in she still there yeah and when I walked in the door I mean I don't even say hello she grabbed that

as far as slanted out I wanted a ham sandwich but

not today

as she slammed out to lotus

but you see the point you know that that saying about how I approach life you know what how do I go about putting his spiritual life into place

and boy does it ever pay off yeah I do I did everything that I do

every time I speak that's where I walk this morning you know that

but I have to get spiritually prepared for what I'm gonna do

if I'm going to do god's work

otherwise I get lost in my head and I just wanted to have a nice little nice things to say then they're not losing shop a print button if I do a twelve step call

the only preparation I do for twelve step call is going up steps

ask god to help to help me do it

and so that's what I do and everything I did

let me give you just a couple of of of sort of

I mean the spiritual life is wonderful

but what we get restored to is a life

life

we don't get transcended from life to somehow our existence we get restored life there are books says that we absolutely insist on enjoying life

not a party

or a movie

or dance with your life we enjoy it as it comes

and it's good to know that because sometimes life is pretty tough

sometimes it's so good I'm delirious

sometimes it sucks I made it just sucks

most of the time it just sort of goes along get up

but that's a lie and and tough times are going to come

the good news about the spiritual life is that I don't care how tough it gets

trusting god is good business

I had a thing happen in in in in business

everybody in business does not practice principles not everybody

I know it's shocking to you

but I was I was heading an organization

and had several hundred employees

and there was a I don't know if you'd call it a hostile takeover of what but there was a decision made about my organization without consulting me

well I did not respond well to that no not not at all

and I had forty one employees who were negatively impacted by what happened

well my belief is when I supervise people I care for them as much as as as I do the supervision of them that part of it is to to be accountable for their welfare

so on the good side I took real real exception to forty one folks that that trusted me B. and yanked around and negatively affected by something and and I was angry is too kind word I was I was really mad about that thank

and when I get really mad I revert to St thank

and I'm thinkin I'm on somebody's gonna pay for this I'm in I'm gonna knock somebody out I'm not thinking about negotiation I'm thinking about I will knock somebody out when I show

I was at a at a level in the organization I demanded to hear

and was given here

and if you can picture this

the hearing is and I have to meet with seven people

all of whom had gained from what happened

and I got to meet with

well I'm looking forward to it

one against seven

and now I'm going to I'm drive and I had a seventy five mile trip

I'm driving up there

I'm preparing for the meeting

and what I'm really prepared for was how many ways can you pronounce S. so be it yeah I mean I've I've really was ready for action

and then

then it dawned on me I had read something

yeah that morning

that it took me awhile to sink it is said the difference between man and the name some animal

is the ability to allow this enemies yeah

simple little thought like that triggered

different kind of thinking

and what I did was literally literally

what it says in the book yeah dead dead pray for the folks that you got resentment about

I took every individual that I was to meet with

and and put their presence in my mind

knew him well put your faces in front of me

and then I thought about

even if it's sick the guy probably thinks he's right

he probably thinks he's right

gave him the benefit of the doubt

released in

given the benefit of the doubt and then prayed for the well being

well by the time I finished the circle I was at peace I was a piece

and I went into that meeting a worthy adversary

if I had gone in there trying to out muscle or out think they would leave me alive

it took two days to go through I had to review forty one decisions

and defend my position on forty one of

the first day

we met till about six thirty seven o'clock at night

and the head of the the the big head of the house it said we're going to have to break

and come back tomorrow

and I said no no no no don't do that man I gotta drive seventy five miles to come with that well you know I didn't quit

I'm on a roll

so far I have I have not lost one single decision

and it is he said

we got a break because I think you've got us punch drunk and so I said okay fine

well I didn't want him to rest because I wanted to not come on apple how adamant the next day I came back

and out of forty one decision I one forty

I think I could have one the other one but I figured I better throw him a bone

since

but but you you you understand what I'm saying yeah I didn't try to out smart didn't think on didn't out tough on you know what I asked was for god to make me free so that I could go in and hear this do watch right

I was prepared if I had to I was prepared to lose every five

but because I was genuinely concerned about doing the right thing

you know what I do is trust god did my higher power will help me do those things and so when I'm spiritually sound when I am really toughened up

in the principles of this I'm about as tough as they come about as tough as they come

and if you let me try to do that on my own I get eaten alive yeah and so your spiritual life is not a weak sister performance