Janice D. from Denver, CO speaking in Kansas City, KS

hi my name is Janice del Campo and I'm an alcoholic and

home line

my heart is racing so hard that we are either going to have the greatest talk in the world I'm gonna pass out

you know and somebody just Karen turned to me and so would you like a Cup of coffee at city kidding

I want to thank you all for inviting me to come here I am Alex's lesson in love tolerance and patience if he's in the room he kept trying to reach me and I don't always return my calls in twenty four hours and he was so efficient getting everything done and I don't think he was really sure whether or not I was even going to show up

so I called a few days before I left and I said Alex left a message on his tape recorder I said I just thought I'd let you know I'm coming

so you can relax

okay I tell you what we're gonna do what I was asking to have like an hour forty five minutes

our our thanks

don't say that

and between forty five minutes an hour can determine how fast I'm going to talk

you've got some fast talkers here this weekend the speakers have just been phenomenal don't you think you've been so I don't

I am just McCarron had not met her before and Jack and Janet I know each other but we can't remember from where

so I doesn't tell us we got perfectly better here and I said to somebody outside I've been with Bobby somewhere before and they went that sounds really weird

so but anyway and what I do is I'm just going to kind of visit with you a minute so I figure out of god's going to work through me or not and if he's not we get to go home early and I get to catch an earlier flight

my hostess Karen has been a delight if you don't know where you're from this area you should get to know her she's just as sweet as she can be and now she's been very kind and just took really good care of me and I appreciate it I

we went out to dinner last night and I had a steak all my god it was so good I had to be really careful not to lick the plate you know

I kept thinking eat calmly eat slowly but it was the best and so thanks for little Kansas beef

it was great I mean actually gives me energy you know I like beef occasionally and frighten you to think I need more energy

my friend that picked me up at the airport I knew him from my home group and Denver and it was just great to catch up with him and to remember times gone by and that sort of stuff and so good to see him and his wife James but

my home group is a happy way group in Denver Colorado we have nine meetings a week and we're at thirty one fifty nine south Broadway and if you're in Denver I expect you to come see us our really neat group and I've got a warning about some stuff up front about me also some you can leave if you want but

are there any elements out in the audience

get it up high it's okay yes yes yes yes good for you I love Valentine's I do

I because I love them so much how much a little joke

and it's a good Allen on joke and if I continue speaking I have to come up with another job with this one is just so good and you know me Elena takes to screw in a light bulb

nine they just attaching let it screw itself

that's spiritual for Sunday morning right

and if there any alcoholics who didn't understand the joke

you will

so anyway I got a warning on the big book something kinda gal I really am I come from a long lineage of US sponsorship on the first turn sixty four pages and I include the doctor's opinion which used to be page one and it is no longer and so I include all of that and that's how I was raised in such probably what you're gonna hear about today it's billed as a spiritual meeting I kind of snickered to myself people who know me well when they put Janice on Sunday morning all my life

so I started thinking about that spiritual stuff right what is that spiritual stuff

what is spirit

it is joyful spirit is light in my sobriety when I'm not laughing there's a problem

K. sold spiritual is light I used to think that spiritual was

everything I'm not

yeah I'm outspoken I'm a little bit loud you know and I'm very direct and I'm a little bit hard on people really appreciated somebody said let's cut about working with other people I've been known to hit him with a big book or kick them out of my house you know if they don't pay attention to what the west said and because it's real important I am still probably as passionate about my surprise I was twenty years ago

and the reason is it works on a consistent worker the steps not because I'm a good person but because I'm a real alcoholic and so when I know it works its work in my life it's worked in other people's lives and so I get pretty excited about this process here

one of the things I like to talk about one check out very much appreciate your statement here about if you have a problem other than alcohol there's an anonymous program for you I thought that was a great statement

and and I and the reason I say that is what I came here through another fellowship

because I thought it was something else and I thought actually I was a drug addict and I found out by being with the person who is an alcoholic probably on facts about himself that I'm not I am an alcoholic and the reason I talk about that a lot is because it's really important for us to know what we are so much I just a little bit about my background and I watched in the sobriety countdown you know we've got the there is somebody here with forty six years which is really neat people in their thirties or twenties and all that you see this gap in time you know and then you get to five years there's a ton of them in a million and one okay my whole purpose being up here there could be ten thousand people in the audience are twenty two my job here is to reach one person if you hear me and you hear my message there's hope for you if you're real alcoholic like I am because there is a way out of that the reason that I have the sponsor that I have today is because I heard this person stay from the podium once you never ever have to drink alcohol again and you never have to feel the way you're feeling right now

and I believe them and so I went after that and I do have a male sponsor you know I'm kind of mean and so on

and then I had to pay attention but anyway I love my sponsor the other thing is you're gonna hear a lot of things for me that are not original I'm not talk about my sponsor my teachers you see because when I have an original thought it's frightening

right anytime somebody says gosh I've got a great idea you go well you might want to like put it aside and pray about it instead

so anyway I'm full of a lot of stuff you guys have taught me what I'm gonna do is talk a little bit about my drinking and I ask you to come with me on your personal journey while I do this and see if any of the stuff that I talk about sounds familiar now our backgrounds may not be familiar in house race may not be like you know what I'm talking about is alcohol because I do not believe that my past made me an alcoholic

I believe that what the doctor's opinion says is that I experience a phenomenon a craving and that's something that my sister in law does not experience she has a drink or two online and she don't like how she feels well that's the feeling that I'm looking for all the time you know she has a couple glasses of wine and she just says I just can't stand this and I'm like well we will never drink together

she once had surgery and now they gave her some valium and she called me because it upset her so much out made her feel as to what email that bottle right on up here

I understand that feeling and I can handle it

so come with me on this little journey think about your drinking and maybe you two are real alcoholic and I may say some things are controversy Hey is not full of alcoholics

that's a fact we get people from all different walks of life and and that's okay and someone else holds and some aren't so if you want I don't relate it's a pretty good chance that you may be on alcoholic like I'm an alcoholic and that's okay

but what I work with and who I talked to it says it one alcoholic can best help another alcoholic we talk about language of the heart what is language of the heart it's you and me sitting down across my kitchen table talking about this and finding a way out

which is in that book

so I had my first drink when I was fifteen years old all my gosh

I was at my sister's wedding there was a dinner afterwards and I tell people I can remember it like it happened yesterday it's just as clear as a bell I remember what I was wearing who I was sick when I was with my brother and his girlfriend Judy and the restaurant we were in and I had done we're sort of the bar area and you know those little wire back chairs you know social hardship more about chairs and they're being prim and proper I was raised to be prim and proper something went wrong and

terribly Israel they are but it was interesting and so my brother went to go get me a drink and when he came back he had won those like highball glass your drink glass it was sort of cloudy looking you know those cloudy drinks that stuff in it and gave it to me

and I can just I can remember seeing all of it night and I took that drink and I remember drinking like this in also ahead about right here and I went

hi

well you know and I had a spiritual experience

I truly was a spiritual experience you know what my life was altered on the spot

my life was changed now what it did was it made me feel okay the funny thing was was I wasn't real sure that I didn't feel okay before but whatever if it did it solved my problem it was a spiritual experience now did I feel like a regular kid no I didn't you know I didn't think about that a lot I was the kind of kid I remember I was coming home from school one day I was eight years old I was going to a Catholic girls school up the street we just bought a new house and I was walking home and I remember thinking my family would've moved and not told me where they went

okay so we're not talking about a well balanced child here before she took her first drink

and I was also raised a little bit of a war zone which will talk about but anyway that first drink alter my life it altered my perception it made me feel better and I felt like I had found the solution

it took me eight fifteen more years to find a solution

so I did at that party would any good budding alcoholic does I have that first drink and then when I do

but another one of those

well they should all right then we were in for the long haul

as I tried to pick up the priest that night and not

there is really a really cute little Irish guy

and my mom's Irish that's why of course I get the alcoholism my father was Italian and of course that's where I get my cooking and not that I quit doing but anyway I was seeing him Irish love songs you know and you know when Irish eyes are smiling and leaning over and flirting and like my family doesn't get it you know I guess because nobody stop me but anyway that was the beginning of a long long haul I was raised in el Paso Texas and have you ever been there

yeah it's on the border with war as Mexico and they don't Kerr Jim mora's so I start drinking more as Mexico when you can drink about

like mixed drinks back then were thirty five cents apiece so a five dollar bill went a long way and that's what I did all through high school was like over on weekends and drinking more as I never drink moderately I just and always member think I was going to drink like a lady

I never found out that some of you know what that is you can tell me later but so I thought it was a kind of drinks I drink some drink batteries things like that and you know things it's were sweet had cherries and all that kind of thing because I thought that was drinking like a lady and I remember I came home one night I was really sick throwing up and I remember my mom said to me what do you drink and I so we know Bourbon seven batteries and she said oh no no no that's the problem she said you need to learn to drink Scotch because that sweet stuff will make you sick

right so sweet stuff that's making me sick

my mother god bless her was an alcoholic and I didn't find that out until I got sober

I didn't understand see I thought that we just did a lot of entertaining I think we did a lot of people came over we were entertaining and all my family was entertaining

the big parties a lot of wine a lot of liquor the liquor flowed I mean that's what you did and I didn't understand that not everybody's mother you know pop the top on a Country Club malt liquor eleven o'clock in the morning

it just didn't occur to me I have we can understand that that was just everywhere and so I thought I was doing my family did when I was drinking

my mother died at the ripe old age of forty seven years old on the living room floor

as a combination of alcohol and and drug abuse I had a brother who was killed in a car wreck when I was about thirteen and my dad was a pediatrician and his best friend was a young psychiatrist and my family didn't deal with it we didn't really have a spiritual foundation the priest like to come over and visit with us and have dinner and stuff but there really wasn't that foundation of that foundation evidently for for us

pardon me to survive what was coming ahead so my brother was about fifteen and

the way they helped us handle all this stuff was that they gave us medications and I was put on still as email billing downing when I was about thirteen or fourteen and my mom was put on second all

I'm a talk about drugs here out of necessity because I come from a culture of drugs and the reason we talk about him is because I'm not a drug addict and I show you how I found that out but anyway

my mom used to take a lot of the second also because she was really very unhappy lady and anyway it ended up killing about five years later so and today you know I remember I was in a meeting at York Street some of you've been fortunate enough to go to York Street

yeah where is my darn thing

anyway these are called drop over there

no okay it's okay anyway I'll get through it

at York St I'm abroad there was a woman there celebrating her up her birthday and she was there with her daughter the mom had like fifteen years the daughter had three years and I thought that could have been me that could be me and my mom you know thank you love I could've been me and my mom and it just didn't happen now I'm not gonna give you some big stuff sob story these are just facts out of my past and some have you been there and somebody having the meantime I'm just drinking all the time the first thing we do when my brother died was we went to the liquor store never gone liquor store this lady Meredith oracle you know when she was in her night gown she had a lot of full length fur coat over in el Paso Texas we know what bone and she was

I remember walking around going to liquor store early in the morning picking up cases will occur because relatives are coming because my brother died doing drinking the Hershey drinking here numbers drink and you know that's what you did my moms you know carries a drink drink drink and then a few years later my dad died you just drink drink drink what you don't and I can't drink it the thing about me was I never went out if you ever say I'm gonna go out have a drink I don't think I ever did that my entire life

and I sponsor people and say well you know I I could have just one and they all they say well I did that once

how long you been drinking fifteen years and once you have one drink okay we might be a little bit of denial but it's cool we'll work through it

the help

so

anyway I remember when I had my first a drug that helped everything I was about eighteen years old I was working at the time because I left home shortly after my mother died and my father and I didn't get along

and I was at this radio station I wasn't feeling very good because I was hung over and this just jockey came up to me and he says boy you've you're you look terrible and I feel like I feel terrible and he says well I'm gonna give you something or make you feel better hello I like feeling better remember that spiritual experience with a Tom Collins so I gave this little green capsule

and I never take that you know what I another spiritual experience the most remarkable thing happened my hang over went away have you ever taken amphetamines well I like to call them diet pills because amphetamine sound like people that are you know on the streets or something yes all of that I'm a doctor's kit so I take diet pills I don't take speed

I'm a lady would take diet pills are little overweight at the time made sense but the neat thing about speed for any of you have done it is that all my god can you drink some liquor

right and keep your head clear I was a great day and I'll drive everybody all and I was

I could shoot a great game of pool people used about I mean I just you know see everything and should really fast

good mass

and I was great worker beat because I didn't stay home with a hang over I could get the morning take little speed get to work you work very fast on this stuff can't remember where you put anything but your house is clean

that goes away by the way and sobriety but

I was a tooth brush cleaner you know

and I truly thought I was the greatest day in town I love country western bars I love cowboys you guys I've been checking out your boots so what I do is a lot of the birds and I look up you know it's like I get a grip but I love jobless I love that cowboy music it's the best drinking music in the whole world and I have a friend who called me the other day at four o'clock in the morning

he's an alcoholic a hopeless variety

many had some problems going on and he started taking pain medication

K. start taken narcotics

Hey now is addicted to narcotics call me at four in the morning we talked a little later we're visiting about and I said you know what it's almost good enough for the name of a song it's four in the morning a city are fortunate thing is somebody already wrote it

general home people quite four in the morning or trouble

not a friend this friend of mine is is facing a lot of stuff and thinking it's no big deal because you don't drink alcohol

you know and so I'm a believer and we don't smoke dope on Sunday

okay a a stand for absolute help students in my book you know you can't be smoking dope on Sunday going oh well that's cool and although it's not it's not our fault

when I talk to people do that they go I needed to take the edge off and I don't know if anybody needs to take the edge off it's me okay and I don't get to do that

that's not my program

so anyway I'm doing this debate and then that psychiatrist I hung on to him because he was a good guy to have around and he would give me an open prescription for valium

because I needed to take the edge off and so this is what I used to do for ten years I get up in the morning with a hang over take some of those amphetamines some those diet pills

go to work work really hard to say to the girls let's go to the bar for a few drinks we go to the bar for a few drinks I'd start drinking that phenomenon cravings kick in next thing I know I want more liquor and I think I'm coming down from the amphetamines so I have to take some more speed so I could stay up and shoot pool and dance on the tables and dance with the cowboys then the bar closes at two in the morning and I'm high as a kite so I got to have some balance on go to sleep

that's what I did for ten years just to control what I was doing I came here thinking I was a drug addict I'm not I'm not a drug addict on a woman who takes drugs so I can drink more alcohol that's what I am and the reason I'm I'm very clear about talking about that if you don't know what you are you need to find out which are because if you're saying you're this and you're really of this you may not have a spiritual experience in those steps it's promised says we cannot have a spiritual experience of living a lie

and I had to know what the truth was

and the reason I know about my alcoholism is because I'll give an example near the end of my drinking a friend of mine called on a Sunday and said let's go over this bart's call the oak alley shooting game of pool and have a couple drinks or something and the first thought my mind was what do I have to do for work on Monday

the reason that was the first thought in my mind was I'm an alcoholic the I knew somewhere deep inside that once I got there there might be one game of pool but there was never going to be just two drinks I knew somewhere deep inside I was going to be there to that place closed and since on Sunday closed early I had to be sure I had a look around the house I had to be sure that diet pills because I knew I'd be still hung over on Monday either wouldn't make it to work or if I did I was gonna need a lot of drugs to get there that's alcoholism

alcoholism is not being able to predict my behavior once I begin to drink alcoholism is not my consequences my consequences of come as a result of my alcoholism

I know where my car is today you guys okay okay and I do not run in the park cars today I don't know I don't have to worry about leaving the scene of an accident

I don't have to worry about grabbing my stuff out of my car so the police can identify me through my stuff in the car but if I never drank those things don't happen

my problem is is that when I put liquor my body something kicks and I've got that little mechanism that's referred to in the doctor's opinion as a phenomena craving once it kicks in

it kicks in and I want more alcohol

and there people were that doesn't happen to them and that's why when you sit there talking with somebody or your family members looking at you saying why did you do that

and we can't even explain it because we don't know because I'm physically and mentally different

the physical differences that I love alcohol once it kicks in

and I'm gonna drink more alcohol it doesn't matter and this is really important there is this guy I really like to use a drug dealer made life good and we just keep money in the freezer you know and the guns and stuff it was great and very exciting and

how I adore him though handsome good looking guy from East Texas ostrich birds and I'll just get all

the leather jackets and I mean just stunning

Anna

ISIS Adam honey I'm gonna be home by seven

and I mean I worked at the phone company here as a straight laced lady you know living with a drug dealer but anyway

living out my fantasies but

and I would say you know Tony I'm gonna be home by seven I was gonna leave work stop with the girls have a couple drinks happy hour right no big deal they only give you two at a time you know and I'll be home

and I made it with every fiber of my being and so did you

I'll be home at seven for dinner I was probably supposed to cook

and the weirdest thing would happen I'd start drinking

and I don't even know if it's seven o'clock past and the phone would ring up the bar and some make more suggestions on the phone like

you know what time is it

no eight thirty or something well I'll be home by ten and I meant that one to want to go pick up a Taco Bell or something

and although I'll be home at ten and ten came in ten past and I never got home I couldn't get home

not because I didn't love him not because I didn't care not because one hungry because of phenomena craving had kicked into my body and nothing was going to stop me from drinking

nothing

we look at each other don't you didn't you love Nancy Reagan got lower just say no

that's right up our alley it no

I know she meant well yeah I mean just say no and we would laugh about it meetings just say no it'll be okay

no

god lover

none of us got on the Allen onside to put up with it you know if you have any other trial now on meeting sometime you know we sit here and laugh about the stuff we did and we think we're so funny and it is it's humorous we get lied about it and you know I mean how many places can you go and talk about suicide nearby rolls on the floor laughing you know

and I was when I had a crisis this morning I could not find the land for my hair stuff you know I'm like I'm having a crisis that's the kind of me all my got out shoot myself ever run in my stocking and give a talk you know I'm relaxed but tell you for the pain and the mailing on hard about the stuff that we think it's funny okay get a little bit different perspective about what our behavior was really like for other people so it's kind of interesting to do that anyway I made my way your alternate quickly I've raised el Paso saw Denver fell in love with that they have those mountain man you know the plaid shirts and

beards and it was like great and rocky mountain high and I thought my problem is I'm living in the wrong city and if I would get to Denver I could ride a bicycle and wear braids in plaid shirts flannel shirts and I too will be healthy okay and you know that's how they are out there they rock climb you know and they do all that stuff and you know they ski and snowboard and running to trees and

so I think I'm gonna do this

so I got up there and needless to say it lasted about two weeks I ended up in a barb in Bergen park above evergreen drink and raising hell looking for cowboys and next thing I knew I needed drugs to keep drinking because I couldn't drink the amount I wanted to drink without passing out so I wrote a letter to a pharmacist male Pasona email me my drugs so I ended up in Denver I must move talk and son of a gun

okay anyway so that's how I drink did you drink like that you know could you go to a bar in stock

yeah well that's alcoholism now if you don't have that experience you may not be an alcoholic

and if you're not you may not have the experience of some people half your work in the steps because you haven't got our problem it doesn't mean the steps don't work for people but you don't know what the problem is in order work the steps if I don't know what I'm powerless over why do I even need a power greater than myself to solve the problem

if I still think I've got some power whether it's over drinking or whatever that is for me over drinking I don't belong here and I'll tell you right now if I could drink successfully instilled a cowboys I would not be here on a Sunday morning

that's a fact

you know they talk about giving you a drug that'll stop the high why bother

Joe I mean what a horrible feeling that would be to get that drink you know and then we get that bill and take a drink you sit there and go what's this all about

right I'm looking for that sense of ease and comfort comes from check in just a few drinks

because I'm a restless irritable and discontent I kind of got out

well the good news is I found the spell check and I found this program I did go through another fellowship in about five years I was like this you know I wasn't feeling very good yeah I felt like my skin was coming off and I didn't know what to do with it and I'm just going crazy and I heard somebody speak one night and they carried a great message and they talked about that book which I have been raised on in that fellowship because there wasn't any other literature at that time

but I've heard totally different stuff in there from that person talking about that book then I knew about so I went after that person like a heat seeking missile and those of you who know me know I can do that I can become a heat seeking missile and I sought that person out because of what they said you never have to feel this way again and they talked about being recovered

recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body the four to the first edition it says show you precisely precisely not kinda

precisely how we have recovered is the main purpose of this book

that's pretty heavy statement says it's a textbook what's a text book do you study

right it's not a like read through quick and I got that down every time I go through and I see new stuff and I found somebody who knew about that I remember one of our early visit to talk about being recovered I thought he was arrogant he thought he was recovered I thought he was arrogant and not telling me was recovered I said what do you mean you recovered is a white

I thought how do you know that

is it because I know I am

so how do you get recovered

he's a we do what's in here and I'm somewhat on that I'm I'm I recovered he's so I don't know

I saw how I know when I am

he said when you walk

if you're lucky you'll have a sponsor like mine

the truth

and I got I figured it out when I got recovered if you're in recovery you must be very tired

okay there's a promise that we get to be recovered from the seemingly hopeless state of mind and body okay we talked about the body part but not alcohol in you know when it kicks in anyone drink a lot what's the middle part how my mentally different I'm mainly different because I think next time it's going to be different

I wake up in the morning stinking alcohol sometimes not even really sure where I am if you ever picked out a window and got okay what street is this okay

feeling horrible

and what do I say I will never do this again ever

and I mean it with every fiber of my being just like I'm in I'll be home at seven

I mean who would ever want to feel like this stink like this be frightened of where you've been to Chicago have a sub pump on it who would want to behave like that I just went for happy hour I will never do this again

and then the weirdest thing happens

it's the worst thing that could happen two hours later five hours later a day later three days later it could happen a month later

my mind changes and I forget why I was never gonna do that again it never even entered my mind I'm one of those and not even think see some people go all well you know if I just drink beer instead of wine or by you know it'll be different well that is a pure insanity what is

I have years of drinking history to show me what's going to happen and I drink anyway

I have all those experiences behind me and I can't even bring him into my consciousness to remind me not to drink I can't just say no

yeah something's wrong with that mind

that money needs to be changed it needs to be fixed or bodily and mentally different

and our loved ones go why are you doing this I don't know

that's why one alcohol it can best help another alcoholic isn't warble to sit with someone who doesn't have a problem try to talk about it well honey just don't do that okay

well honey did you understand you have a business meeting I'll

well honey don't you realize the rent still

you know

I just I mean we're talking apples and oranges we live in different worlds the more you sent one alcoholic down with another talk about going that bar for happy hour next thing you know it's you know you're in Vegas three days later we understand that

and that's why this thing is so confusing

it's all in the mind has to change this is what I believe you ready

we've got lots of time

this is my experience I am powerless over alcohol

you see I can't I can't predict what's going to happen I can't stop or moderate once I've started

I I got that physical thing how my life is a manageable you wonder what's a manageable this little baby right here this is what's a manageable always thought it was everything out here I wasn't managing well it's my mind it's my perception it's how I view life is got to change the I got a mind that tells me the next drink is going to be different

it tells me that it's going to be a completely different experience or it doesn't tell me anything at all

that's insanity that's in manageability to me

and I'm gonna say something else we talk a lot with a lot of information these days about I loved it when Jack was talking we don't have dysfunctional households and you know and it was like I came from when I came from a war zone I mean my mom got a lover I loved her I still love her I just loved her she just suffered so deeply you know and today I understand that I'm three years older than my mother was when she died and you know yeah I tried menopause on you know I understand why she drank

yeah you know but anyway

like we lived in this really neat old house attacks on the historic register in Texas and it was a wonderful house it but it was heated by radiators now the response we talk about all this was a great story so anyway

she had a hot flashes and she got in the mail the night shut the heat off okay if you've ever lived in a house with radiators you know how long it takes to heat the house after like freezing cold you know would like sit on them and put our clothes on it and you know to try and warm up she just shut off the whole system

but anyway

I get wondering you know sell it I was talking about and manage really will move back on to bring us back there I will tell you another story though one of my great fears being up here is that one day god's not gonna give me anything to say if you can imagine that

and it happened at the Lonestar round up in Texas oh my god I got up to give a talk on a Saturday night and

it was really weird I it was the weirdest feeling the whole world I was giving this talk and I felt like I was just going up and this is you know and I took amphetamines and I just heard myself drowning you know and I just felt like I am so sick of my story and I look down on the voice of the conference look like he was sleeping

I don't know I didn't and I looked out the audience I thought twenty two hundred and sixteen people are sleeping all right I was convinced and and I couldn't speak anymore it was a greatest thing it was so weird and not so I just stopped dead in my tracks so I've been to my worst fear up here it did

survived but it's a strange feeling when you think the entire audiences nodding at your story

so anyway I was back on and manage bility gonna bring us around and talk about the insanity of the second step

okay the insanity is thinking the next ring is going to be different I got this messed up mind when it says came to believe that a power greater ourselves can restore sanity I sponsor told me for the sake of argument you were insane the second you are bored okay we're not going to argue about that but the insanity and he knows me well but the insanity too that I talk about the insanity behind alcoholism talking about that mental obsession my mind must change it is got to be fixed and you know what stands between me and the next drink because my mind is fixed

got

I don't beat around the bush about it I'm not gonna catch about it Bobby said last night don't beat around the bush about the spiritual aspects of this program and I used to do that early on talking with people you know I would go well we do the staff and we work the steps and you have to do this in meetings and all the guys and there's got