Steps 10, 11 and 12 at the Carry This Message group in West Orange, NJ

for the past three weeks during this month of June has been George and over these past three weeks George's shared with us his personal story and his experience strength and hope with the first line of the program of recovery this evening will be George's last week

some may class on may throw money I don't know

but it's a

in a pleasure having George here and we look forward to

hearing you once again Harry this message this evening and George will be sharing his personal experience on that ten eleven and twelve Georgia

good evening my name is George Smith up definitely an alcoholic

and I see it as a fuel masochism this simple people that keep coming back the hear me

so may god bless you

really so I thank god for that

yeah

I have to be a god I don't think I was gonna make it tonight at the we're going to wind up being surrounded

all that stuff on the back

yeah middle that my driver I don't drive my driver over there he's

M. A. got it through

with the help of god not tell you what the park we needed tonight

yeah it's bad

on a night like this I would have made it to a bar liquor store or whatever I had to go to get what I wanted to get what I needed to do

whether I want to do it or not

and

the simple fact that and alcohol

yeah

hi

that

and how much I was going to happen and how much it was going to drink when I picked it up at all I knew was I was going to pick it up

nothing I could pay can do to stop it

one minute tell me everything was okay and I could handle and I or did I deserve to live you know you people just detect and treat me right so I might as well take them

you know try to block you out of everything

it didn't take much

I get

trump will quick release the real fast

for those who haven't heard I drank at thirty seven years on missing fifteen years of it and

thank god

I don't every card a little bit of my memory back to me at a time the little bit of time I had a piece to come back this week and I got it taken before I do anything about it I got it right the mandatory on

because landing out of sleep and also and I will make well I got hit with a whole bunch of memories

all I had to do that

in a quiet setting quite shocked and scared the hell out of me

normality right go right

to get rid of the feelings and emotions that take

my my mind in my body

Friday

not doing it today

I know what I have to do with a ninety day window

if I want to feel good

in a way to feel that it has taken place so it really does what I need to do

and basically the best way to do that and they can help another alcohol

as I've been telling this my story my experience with the steps I've been talking a lot about my first sponsor and how he took me through the steps

because that's the way I hate people I sponsored through an

this is the only way I know how to deal with

and if I go through the steps with other people that I want to I learn more about the

at first sponsored Boko burns god rest his soul

and he told me

one is that my problem with that my problem with apple

for my problem with my thinking

in my actions

seven is for my actions in society

the three three problems which I had taken place is one one a long

who is the solution to my problem my alcohol come to trust in the power greater than myself

my my actions

Hey with another human being god and now the one thing

after living in societies become willing to make amends for the people that were on

in the course of action that I had it taken from my drinking was trust in god

my thinking with that have become willing to have god remove all my characters the fact

I always thought I would just the defect the character when I found out that it's not me it's like thinking

my way of acting and everything else

and the motives and reasons behind everything that I did

I used to be a to take normal every day given the emotions and feelings and turn it into weapons

using this wedding

the day can be people family the whole between everything else

we're getting along and decided I had to go and make direct amends to the people that I had on

what do the marvelous thing because I am no longer looking over my shoulder anymore

yeah I can walk down the street and not be afraid to meet people

people

I did have one twenty incident wasn't funny at the time when I had an early sobriety I was walking down the street

I circa

and I don't know for some reason I've used a lot of running

and then he took off after

and we ran it we ran into briars and brought over the old cars and everything up about twenty miles finally KeyCorp

wrestled me to the ground and he says why were you running

what do you got on you the first me down and I cannot carry automatic

and I started laughing now uniform is torn

the hell my clothes will going to have

I believe that I was going to win a meeting

but I was so used

that that came back momentarily and I acted upon it

the alcohol thank you the disease that might that I have sent this to my mom and my mind was tell me right this guy this time I have for the new year I did go out and buy a new uniform

yeah the best case I've had in a long time as you know so but I was told by one of the main door the first block

yeah so my running we've got to be a little bit better now I smoke more and I probably want to make a bid for restoring that but that's okay

yeah

in my recovery when I started

down this path down the

the road of life the twelve steps today that they gave me

tell me I have to take a look myself at the right thank you

and part of that is the easiest way to do that to do god's will

and I don't know what god's will was is

I am still learning it today the

Hey

start doing it and that

you know right from wrong

you hate to wrong rather than right want to start the work trying to do something right

and put the in the ticket that you usually are

hi yes now we knew that if this were a

you know all

yeah hi there yes we can make

all those

anyway

any that need to take a looking at this ten step and ask myself

the card that I ran the ball in a

Michael why it might be an acting this way why am I doing this one of my two more

you know one of my and my getting anything out of the

is it am I doing it for me you know it might be that

it is a typical self centered SO B. that I always loved

and if I can answer yes to those questions to the media we stop and

make an immense

tell you one thing

Hey that ten eleven and twelve of the maintenance steps

I want to get a new micro yes they will help me maintain my grow in surprise

because I gotta stay in those three steps

and that keeps me

going into that bar that has that piece me from getting into fights and the arguments

yeah

the the home at the end of the fourth day and open the door my wife is sick good evening I'm home

and I let her cry

yeah

okay today you know

I'm not that monster that used to be when I opened that door yelling and screaming

yeah

L. A. in that ten month old kid that my granddaughter that comes crawling up to be you know put their arms around my ankle you know

while the

my own kids used to crawl away from these this is a good

yeah

today I tried it they can live right I tried doing the right thing

I try to help the newcomer I try to help deal time

yeah I don't know motive when I'm doing it when I'm helping somebody else I'm staying out of apple I'm staying out of the liquor store thank you Gary

I'm saying so I'm getting better

and it's still here for

the card is a it gets better

I feel that

yeah and

I think a

at the end of the night

I got to reveal what I did all day

I don't call my sponsor everyday high school a couple of people I do sponsor of almost every day

illegal and I basically do an eleven step with them

tell them what's bothered me what I did they tell me where I'm scrolling up

do I like hearing it no

warning here

the whole I don't want to hear somebody Pat me on the back of the net say oh you're okay you can handle your cure you can have a direct

those on the boat they can say that both the Senate the dream of every I've also have a few drinks with impunity

so we see other people have

I don't know what the word means that that means get dropped yeah

Anna

the only thing is

learn more because today on the

if somebody is a when I was out there with somebody told me that there was something wrong with me one of this is going to get hurt

usually there this in my face but you know it didn't matter

because I did not think I ever did anything wrong today I accept the criticism

it's got to be a justification is got to be a combination of truth is a lot like hearing at all times now

when I put my head on that pillow night

and I say thank you that

go to sleep

very unusual things with a soccer ball

I used the past have come to

now I go to sleep and I wake up

please I have so I don't know about tomorrow morning with the election of moral

but the thing is

Hey this is somewhat different yeah

I get up in the morning okay thank you

and I really need

no that's what I'm praying for

in light of my life right

in

the

and I thought I could never get through today

I've always been able to make it without having to pick up the twenty

the meeting that I never miss or I tried not ever to miss four o'clock Sunday afternoon living sober meeting in Belfast on free all

at that meeting

the people here on

the staff why they took the step of what they got out of the staff

hello my parents at the event my parents in nursing home I used to make sure I made at least half of that meeting

and a new

what kind of can can stay I had with my micro

by how much in the bag the candy I walked in with more candy of course the day I had

yeah

people

the old man the past me in the back

the Sydney at this that

can we call that

we keep our

they gave the program the key thing

I thank god that nobody in AA is ever told me how to live my life without me asking for advice

I want to never told me

go get a new job with the when you've got people drink at

I am having a little trouble my wife my sponsor never told me well by our practice our

I have available my wife a plow he take a look at me and like what the hell you been up to kind of thing and I'll

the

yeah you let you know my wife

but they they give people may I have the pleasure of meeting a

at that

people at the

yeah

life is different and I had like this really great because of the simple fact is I try to work in this the staff

and I always taken

why

when I go through the day

the cable you minutes out and pull

and may be taken at the level that questions throughout the day

thank you hello the situation at work

yeah I'm not afraid

for myself today

the minute you know

I may take it thank at times you know then on the most wonderful person in the world

and I can handle and all this and that when I taken that

eleven that deal

well that and the pants that look at what I'm doing

I realized you know I'm still sick for

yeah

can I use the word person because I'm not the adult that I used to date

an analytic maintained everything

how do I maintain my sobriety

the best way I can do is work with the new company

I had

well over thirteen hours coming around unless there was a new guy this guy was walking in my spot this guy looks like the way I

on the outside the way I was feeling on the inside of my skull go tell me we'll talk to

one of my best database is critical when it comes to work for you today and give them your baseball

and my

hello I don't have it on

and I quickly another back with a twenty five dollar fine

he handed me a book and I gave them the ball

that's one and that'll that'll be nice that a million dollars for the phone to pay him off and the second one so I have to get it all never could never live long enough to pay anymore

I don't mind giving people away today somebody gave it to me

and I don't mind going opening that book and go into that book with that person

all I can give that person the knowledge that was given to me an apple

I can hear my experiences with them

you know I don't get that hello the grisly details

I try to tell me how

I felt

hello in the field

yeah

they don't need to hear about stealing cars they don't pay can meet about hearing about all the hype and stuff that I was in

hello hello

MT

by one

I get it now

I was deluding myself into believing the illusion that everything was great

die

basically emotionally spiritually and then

well that

I have a gun in a

I have a gun in a

here's our

he is powerful

he's got a business yeah

hello

yeah and the tenth and eleventh at the so many beautiful promises

they are going to have problems little problem with the promises by this time sanity has returned I'm still a little crazy in love police say but I'm not not that we were not seen without all the way along

yeah

many people

in the newsroom

in the background

I know too many people that

I used to live with an associate with better stuff out there

and I think that carpool

down the hall they have

they call it the if they close the meeting they give a little thing about them and and then meditate that they arrive that's about as close as I can again pick up although I think I have trouble with big a war

and I reflected on

how are these people I believe is that that that's the tradition said the level of radio press and fell

we must maintain a wide the protectier act

can I use my full name and the role

I think I gave I gave out my phone number that you want to call me my phone number is seven three two five seven seven eight three five five and

we call him because I'm not ashamed

Hey Hey ho ho I am for what I have in these rooms

if you ever come that rial when you talk to me on the outside of the room

they're either going to take a live look at you thank you thank you read that right Hey for your drug dealer because I still talk to a lot of drug addicts and dealers and drops and everything else

because I know these people

in a couple of them that I used to deal with I see what it what it happened to me and I have come into the room

a great role

eight one

great what is the see this happen

yeah

it would have been

the

save the world

the card to carry that message

quite a few people

Ravin Gandhi

the guy down let me down let me buy a sponsor

name is Gary

tags Gary and I have a track record on parole what twelve staples

about fifty fifty

fifty percent of maybe fifty percent

Baghdad

Hey hello

I think people take their own lives rather than taking quick

but all I can do is try to carry the message

that way I can carry the message that they can try to stay sober myself

and the the best that I tested samples what B. is celebrated

happy joyous and free

the day I can laugh

Hey

I can do anything

yeah

I don't have all the things I want

you know I don't know that the white house up on the hill the mansion in Harlem and the hottest cars in the bath the biggest and best batters stereo and everything else but I do have one thing I have a little blue book in my pocket

that I can turn to for guidance

I got a list of the I don't know how many telephone numbers of people that I can call for help

I was out there drinking

anything anybody wants to do all right let's have a drink and we'll talk about it

yeah

as I said I think the thirteen years old at that my sister three kids

my parents that I walked into the room and everybody knew that there was something wrong

with me

the normal kind of feel like I go through

and they got me through it

yeah

the program can be

the second thing that

in my attic when it comes to a well some people call me a paper not to use that Nasional bunch of other stuff maybe I am maybe I'm not

not one these people that sit in a room you know they had no comment comes and they sit there

the wall while we

we do we do we do then we've got you know the kind of people the society that I want to give you two cents for because they they're not really as happy and free

yeah

the room and I wasn't

lasting defeat because you work forty hours left to go through it and if that application with you hi you know and I loved it

yeah

I love you and he has

never lose

I am able to

because it gives me a whole

the people that I want to ask me

you get more of a thrill one

to celebrate

when he celebrates

and he gave a ninety day into one of these people on at that meeting I

that

well I got you

why

now I and my first sponsor says

the only way to keep the ticket right away

I want to grow

the one I used to have a whole bunch of pins on my hand

one woman who gave me

with important

seven or fifteen

I used to wear in order for me to put on my hat has something to do

with your sobriety

he looked he saw this and he didn't like it

he was drinking

and one day he found it he says you know

so this

if you

yes

if you know anything about orchids

ISIS now

he's in the wild

in a blow me up with

scraggly and highly toxic

like us who were out there doing

like us

we're now working with

we come in we work the program

and we bloom

to view the file

we give of ourselves to other people

the market when it's in bloom we get a lot of good or

Mike Reynolds for one thing

a lot of good medicines come from market

I never knew that

and I think I would ask him for a long time

I don't even know whatever happened to it I don't even know what happened to that had

yes I do too

my second spot on the table opens up my had accepted to

this is an ego trip

and I got all pissed off and want to argue with me

talk to me tomorrow

he died that night against

can argue with

a little bit

I had patients

he had to

in my first month

I had to get through this that

the recently

the end of the

so I could explain it to somebody else in the twelve well as I do that take them forever

and as I go through with it later on

I learned more

about me me and manage it that would be in my life

I don't mean the same day as they did when I first came in

so much more

in the book he taught me not only how to talk to people in the room and we try to carry that message it taught me how to make friends with people outside of the room

at twelve that you know will be with us and get to know people a good way to do it

I haven't gotten a lot of people in this world and a lot of a large scared me a lot of respect me some of the the trustee I mean this is sick people out there that are you know they're not necessarily in the room

yeah hi this is so much better

because the moon I go through the steps and try to do what I'm supposed to do

I think

yeah

right

it would be more than I ever wanted so much more than I ever expected or hoped for

and

give me the willingness to be to help other people

rather than trying to screw everybody over

in the area

in the area

I don't I do that the head

the answer is

I have no interest

I got a million questions

with

I knew where to find the answers

the images in the book and I find the answers in the people that I follow through with people on the program and the rooms that were the program

yeah

they give me the answer

I don't always like them

but I can live with them today

I know that they can tell me the truth

me too

and the issue is about the wait is

in the program

making for I still make coffee

and

if he so

in the beginning and it's still doing it today

I still pretty much act as a greeter wherever I go and pick up chairs it's all part of the week

what I need the

and when I see people and make them

make coffee

I tell them to pick up the chair to do this do that enabling you know why because I

the

people

I take it show that I do

and I find a lot of people

yeah this may be an old controversy but you know

people just sit around in the room to do absolutely nothing it's because they're sponsored fits around the room and that does not

to get the people active they get active they get better they get so

and I don't mean Webster's over either without alcohol hand of mine offering substances to meet as a boring and boring can be

Anna

fiery need today

yeah

it's a

AMC why

you know I don't pull too much than any of the questions that you hear in a row because you know and the fellowship because a lot of it is to me is a lot of people but I do believe the one expression is you know I thank god for a a

yeah

my understanding is that

so much different than it ever was

and how to like I had it I think by doing those stupid simple little things to reaching out today Newcomb

doing all the things that I didn't want to do all that stuff that will keep me sober

all the stuff that I try to pass on I made contact with three people yeah

clean up

or anything

but I enjoyed doing that today

in what for responsibilities is the my eye no matter what the times says in the book that the meeting starts starts one half hour to an hour before that game there

nine what is the first time I've been late to a meeting in

bill straight

by an act of god because he put the rain out there yeah

okay

the drink over

four o'clock in the later appointment while

we got fifteen minutes will stop all have have a couple

what the hell with it

yeah I missed out on many good jobs that way

today at two o'clock in the morning my phone rings and they say Hey

who's got a lack on

a couple I got a ride I got a couple people to go with me

yeah

if I do what I need to do

and the reason I need to do is I would like to take a

okay back a a for what it's given me

the guy at the club all right we can

I can't think of that my first sponsor for the stupid questions at the airport zero no get out of this then that's fine well that would be a to pay off pay off

yeah as I said one other time I believe it's in here

please help me I'm not an alcoholic or maybe I'm not but I'll tell you what I'm having more fun in a and I've ever had in my life

and having it filled with

yeah the intersection is then lifted

I'm not saying that the lord has

every time I take it here the new drink I wonder what that would taste like

and

my goodness they are today

a welding on some hot metal out there in the sun and it's hot as hell on my face a idea he stated that a lot of it at the empire

one N. as in Mike the

that lead to the

rather the level a little bit of a little bit he added that highlight all like I say but

I got a headache I got a hang over I don't not take his city and the people said that they were polarized because the the I I'm even here at all life is great yeah

hello

I tried to tell you people about how I've taken the steps what I've gotten out of it our sponsors

you've got something out of it do me a favor

pass it on

this is about

all we can do is try to carry the message

in the beginning I thought

all this stuff and I'm hearing ten thousand million Kanza listening to on the island of St over and over and over and over and over again like man

the people going to drive me to drink

then one day in New Brunswick and Maine and I sat down and I thought the women you know all that stupid stuff that I am her all over again

I can only listen to

one out of my mouth and in my view

and you know something it was the truth

and it saved my **** have saved my life

yeah

one nice thing about this is nothing new it's been said in the rooms in a eight seven sixty five years of all think yourself a genius your

yeah right

as a regional idea

everything I have said he denies something I've been handed to me given to me freely

try to pass on

I take no credit for my sobriety

the only thing I can take credit or responsibility for all the things that I've done when I was out there

I try to make amends for

sobriety was given to me as a gift of god he graced with

and I stopped doing what I'm doing

all right

an electoral roll away and I can be at this site I thank the people very much for being here he can be so give me a reason to

get off my dead **** and I thought that I could have you come out in the rain

NBA they say

thank you god bless you and I love the guy keeping

yeah

J.

we'll do a little special today

everybody

a

sure thank you so much for the last two weeks got a little something for everybody

in honor of the