Steps 6, 7, 8 and 9 at the Carry This Message group in West Orange, NJ

okay

there eight

when it hit that point mentally incapable

okay activating what is your name definitely an apple

in all the somebody outside

hello

what about myself how weird things that I feel like there's been like

and they asked me if I write these lines myself and I said

Hey you know like biggest reality

now I don't really tell war stories because of that I think I've said he I really don't remember what I did when I was out there I sat there a long time and missing an awful lot of my life and what I do remember such an alcohol and drug induced state that I really don't remember

and it says rigorous honesty so I'm not gonna stand here today hold on to a lot of the people at the table with me they would drop in size I was of what they called me probably a lie anyway so

the only thing I need to know is when I pick up a drink I couldn't stop

how much I wanted to

in like anybody or anything when I was out there

we have what I wanted I was going to get a Medicare for her kids

yeah I've been known to take in

put pieces of metal and people like six people ice picks and nine I've been with I think some nice myself

that was just the price I had to pay

but I don't see anything wrong with what I was doing

I thought everything was great

the staff all the

it had everything

I believe that life I deluded myself into believing the illusion that everything was great

yeah Kathy and I were talking a little while ago about my anniversary she congratulated me on

being married for Malaysians

now

I don't remember getting married not so my wife does my wife is married or not

I get away with not because

I want to stay sober

this weekend was a very

wonderful experience

my daughter who is a product of a lot of them are

L. and I put my family through see I never

physically abuse my family

hi Hey

and I destroyed my family

emotionally

Julie and every other way

with the greatest weapon thank god we gave me and that was his time

I put my my family to help

my parents

my grandmother when she was alive my children

the drinking

wonderful things have happened my son has come back into my life

I was part of his wedding he had walked out of my life for over eight years

hello nothing will still waiting at his wedding out there

image right bless me with a grandson

what if you got married

people ask me what the franchise

and

my granddaughter

yeah someone mumbling ten month old walking

aviation

grandpa hello

the people of Ghana and this is

areas and this was the

yeah

and a couple other things

my daughter had a few years ago you never would have gotten the shows

yeah

because I was not a problem

today I got a granddaughter who did not want me to come here tonight

raisin hell because grandpa had it for awhile

the class hello

come the places like this

J. L. the taxes we have a grandpa doesn't wind up in jail detoxes and rehabs

I go to places where I don't want to go

the government may have to get every time I go there I see me

yeah

not me weird strange people like Neil

now

that when he met me out of like Jerry Garcia

and being a great and then a grateful but we cannot

the message you know when the

students ready to show arrive

okay what I want to help a lot

which is the way it should be

which is the way it was with my sponsor

the people that

Nissan's

learn more

by sponsoring people

another point of view hello another way of taking opening my mind and my heart

this program

when I came in here I had a problem

I was an alcoholic

I couldn't stop drinking like those on manageable

the solution was on a power greater than me and I think I first want to tell me god opened the door allow me to come in here

that was the solution to my my twenty five

the course of action I tell

thank god they make that decision to come along a lot over the camera caught

then I had another problem my thinking

and I learned all about that what's that because we suffer from the disease of the mind of the body

and I learned how to have screwed up my thinking was by doing a process that

and scared me

I didn't like what he saw

the only thing I ever succeeded at my whole life is getting on

there was an employee of the failures and father son brother husband

and everything else

I'm not afraid to admit it

put down any assets

yes they were lies anyway because the only time I was conscious when I was trying to get over

when I was being generous silent robbing robbing you blind and everything else because it tells me so on the third step

so what was my solution

my thinking

and that higher power

the trust into our fellow man another human being for the first time hi

you know I I trusted when I was out there I don't trust anybody in the beginning I don't trust anybody who didn't drink and

people take you outside and trust those people might now I got it yeah the drugs I don't trust anybody you didn't drink and drive

Karen and I have my cell

yes I do you know what kind of monsters they lacked

idealizing is a nice guy and I nearly built with things like that hello

I noticed that in the second ice pick and I one night it's because he was last night the last name

yeah

in a very nice person that wasn't a person on the planet

and I thought they might

the step of my sponsor

god rest his soul

may

yeah

I tell a lot about with responsibility

is my life I love that man

the staff when he was out and I was with them because he told me nothing I want to be here

all I wanted to it was okay okay United you are now you know all about a safe to go out drinking

that's what I want to be here

now he has medical I think

yeah

I'll meet you out with this meeting I gotta get there that way that you guys have a job you can get your schedule a meeting

I do whatever what he told me

if I was gonna take improve that rarely have we seen a person

yeah I was going through this that that'll go wrong

well tell you what

yeah

the way I will dispose

it might this that

I have a whole whole bunch of stuff I really like about half and that of my character defects

on the line

going to extremes on my ankle

greens on

all my natural god given wonderfully motions and motions are god given

yeah

but I do still corrupted and I did everything that

thank you was able

and I turned it back as a weapon

wait once lately to attract and drive people out of my life

Seattle my parents abandon me they didn't abandon me I'm not gonna

hi I told everybody out of my life

I coached every damn one use for walking out of my life

in reality if you walk out of my life you ran

self preservation

yes I would kill to just see shortly is the pollution is killing me

I see that the Bruce is coming

six

what is the solution to my problems

my thinking

yes god

take a look at my car fifty thanks

well I was waiting and willing and able

seven of them

I had gone home and little

holes and install those quite

it was funny because I do want this to happen to my mind my status is that's B. across that continuation

one of my first what's that I still haven't finished it

yeah

right

still working I'm still I talked to somebody and I sponsored my sponsor but it's just like this that the the social dumping stuff getting rid of stop whining how screwed up my thinking in my mind is

you know I only got two brain cells left I thank god that they don't put the site shows yeah

well

because I still have that Canadian

have a great many of the mind

and I'm one of those brain cells will tell me it's okay to have a drink

but the other one I think

for another article

because that's what keeps me sober thank

did that happen seven that

yes and they will work

shortcomings

all they want is that simple prayer

I know a lot of difficulty yeah

let's take a look around and help you okay because you know also that our invisible person and every time that every now and then I was corrected defects and shortcomings come up

I know

the second is able to support you have a you know this we will get this yeah thank

still capable of stupid stuff and I have to go back with double my efforts but the only thing is it shows all the people

yeah but yes because I may have cried a few twenty four was in this program that I'm not sure

you know I'm still drunk

lashandra

and I got a lot

the

it also

yes that is the person I still make mistakes today I recognize

today I can't let that

may I think the funniest thing in the world I take it start thinking that I

a man when I grow up

can I get on my high horse

I can't handle anything and everything goes to ****

it is

zero and I had to go back and I go to get help

because I need help I need all the help I can get a little money is are are doing anything later you know just give me a call keeping a track you know

the

we get real fast

the service that helps me I don't have to live in society and this will help me learn this within society that's a big problem

for thirty seven years and I live in a society I had

Texas zero get by get around everything

but I did not know how to live in a society with people

in my past actions showed me that

cool are you

disagreed with everybody

even when I knew you were right and I will think that it will have no

loud enough and do you agree with me just to shut me up so you can get away from me you know okay okay

but the service that I can't do that

the problem

and what's the solution to that problem how not knowing how to live in

people

the sale of the sample

the solution is becoming will make amends for the people that I phone

the banking set straight be willing to go back and sit straight although I did wrong in my life

this is the biggest set ourselves on a dress in a self appraisal

you know I'm I stole the car you know

when I was out there and still qualify we process before their time

now

the story of needed a little bit of

well done on it so I would remove it from your premises and I'll get that sent out the alarm in your house to work

I was in a very nice person

but the thing is I have to I have to go back people will want to go back and make amends to all these

I have to look at exactly what I went the wrong one

in the car

it's a lot more to

more than just taking a car

did you lose your job because you're going to get to work

I had a look at that

ankles trouble

between you and your right

because she couldn't pay bills pay the bills

back and look at all this that's part of the contamination of this and I feel like it happened back in by you a new car

you should be paid off but maybe I have to pay to make amends we want to make amends by

you feel sure money to Jewish parents increases stuff like that a lot of things and I got to be willing to do

not willing to do it

if you don't have to do is gonna say to get everything

yeah I was getting to my spots supporters would scare the trick

he just tell me things out and like what did you want to hear

I still even today at times

the people on my list that I'm willing to make an advance still haven't been able to thank god my brother in law lives down in Kentucky because and we have no guns in the house so I don't have to worry about that

that's an ongoing thing

AP could you make your melody I pray for

because I don't like the guy person

I want to make amends to yes

by Dr yes

it doesn't happen again

yeah

the only person that I can honestly take and say that I've tried really tried

to make amends to

is my mother in law now this is my mother in law is a very rare case

see my wife

has secured for alcohol as

the only reason my wife is an alcoholic is because she's married to George

and if you don't believe the US one mother in law

my wife would divorce me she would not have to go to those things with them people anymore

and my mother was willing to pay and pay for the divorce and I keep telling my wife take particular

life is not willing to make amends to me

the thing is my mother in law does not realize that I have for half years more

time and my wife does

my mother-in-law's possible use be a principal at a parochial school selected in this case I went to that school in math problems

yes configure that

you know

no matter what

I just can't

any help with that woman

how will I keep trying

I keep all back in the sand and

I don't know how much inventory on my mother my mother my slap

brother in law

and I guess

find more things that I've done

like he becoming more well

I think I can put them in my life

and it actually Sunday maybe but by the grace of god

Hey what am I at my manager will be expected

on the second

and

all have been hopeful

I got to keep going back this restaurant is a bit if you priced out of the office okay the big bosses is one moment of damn

but I'm not the one that brought up the topic has been

because

maybe I missed something

so I keep looking

and you know ninety nine times out of one hundred I do find something that I miss

I still have my original process that I go back and I look at my laptop because members are useless

now

I have one perspective no one idea what this program is about what is that one idea what that step was about

is that the steps with other people

and that's what this program is about

working with others

my whole ideas and attitudes spectacle this

black money if it alone out of sight at the immortal thinking about

you know everything is changed

because I've become more aware

my higher power

in my life around me

my life is opened up in such ways that I have seen things that I'd never see you know they actually have flowers outside grow up you know when the sun rises and sunsets really beautiful

yeah

hell you can even get a handle on how to stand out in the sun long enough I believe god will wrestle I know the neon lights of bars you know

please change I can see the world

you know I can actually take it down on my knees taken Smith of flower smell

they smell nice by local stomping on a more

even lying and like all the world news I don't do that stuff anymore these

Anna

really

well because the simple fact is seventy five

yeah

I'm not a perfect day

to work to support me the best of my ability

yeah

a long way to go

every now and then god

I have sent a cease to

given the nasty in the store a little clip of my memory

I came here as missing fifteen every now and then I'll be sitting there somebody will say something like

wow

I had my number what's the matter with you

I think it came back

remember something and I'll sit down

yeah

when I was in the service place to hang around this one guy

ani

and we used to take it off of the nail ready to kill each other half the time

and the time we either want to wind up getting picked up by a short ritual stuff like that we did a lot of nasty rotten things

one day I was sitting down at work and this guy comes widely being

and he looked at me

this

shoals

he asked

the list we arrive

an inmate at all wow man I think it's changed a little yeah I can get pounded to the scale about three hundred and

and it has

I'm a member of the fellowship right now and I have to do something

you may not understand this but if I don't do this I'm liable to drink and I pay a lot

because I'm a member of the fellowship and demands rigorous honesty in the final pay into this with you on the correct I would study guide the guy had two weeks one night

and

thank god I keep my full force us because he started

trying to make amends to me for stuff that I had found my stuff that I needed to make amends four families sought that we've started talking to each other

and we decided that neither of us knew what the hell we were talking about this we can talk about what was going on the boat the fellowship working the program that I think everything's cool

now

it was great

hi guys made a few more the less I seen a guy a couple times since he's made a couple more deliveries so where I work

add to the noise also lost a lot of weight last time maybe what did I do recognize the song with the screening is me now

the thing is

I hope

yeah

one eight five or

hello details okay Facebook is still around the furnaces hopes that this is the program and it don't do it there thanks this is why we needed to work

that's why it don't work if you don't work it

I found that to be true

this is Tyson this alcoholic like he can sit back you know like I get a little scared a little fearful

going to meet somebody talking to somebody

you know

nine six

I will use it really back at that those are the times that my diseases saying it all the details

all right two o'clock in the morning

Hey

for a full networks that flooded the oracle

the

take a ride to the hospital I get up and answer

and it's a twelve step or what was that cool I know people I can call up the Google does go on

by

god willing if I ever ever take my control back wind up going out I want to be added to it for me

yeah

as

one of the neatest false that model one of the neatest times that I've made in advance we're not back up the old hometown the marchers

and

we get that meeting you gotta walk down a gauntlet of people

I mean they don't have reduced the whole meeting greeting IBM broke down right now

I was a constant blackouts I don't remember much of my life police said she never had a blackout

am I get that the end of the line is guys they had merely says hi George how are you going to school you

wife Janet how close the loan this is for you

he told me

and I think that's nice

I used to live in your house

yeah

it is level with the every

yeah the women used to bring it

yeah

you just put a few piles on the

and hang out

yeah the

and he showed me a picture of what it looks like that

next it was gone

I don't know nor was it his car that he showed me a bit I don't know about the same size

it little gray he was the only person I've known in the world I was in love with around one

the card

yeah yeah I think the windows and everything

this call

this guy was an alcoholic this guy really needed the program I know the fact that

but I learned that in life is to lie I would have been nice that delay you

because I haven't even done a full step on that he goes

I don't know how much do I owe you I see you're in a row is that good enough to make

yeah and I like to tell people that if I drank it with you when I was out there and I don't remember you please see me at the meeting

yeah

especially in the army my

we have a live everything's fine everything's cool

Iran on the north end but if you owe me money I take interest to

and content

the you know

I can joke about it because that's the distance of the whole program is about in a lot of good promises and their

and on the

hi this is were we born I'm not the animal I used to date I thank god for the morning one thank away from that during that will put me back to where I was

the world we are today

yeah

like look in the eyes of the newcomer

they come in and the first time second book in there I could see the

but the desperation and I like watching watching their eyes they go through the program

and I remember what it was like for me

eight people I go to that hi sponsor I tried to describe the way I went through the steps

Nielsen he did just that got that this section seven I called grounded in self the sponsor a

yes I have done all I could for

what he did to me

Neil

I I I got a little bit about Neil

he said that he would call me up to more than one alcoholic the treaty made one big mistake

he had the

morning Bob

and being a very nice sweet loveable person I told his father to pack his stuff up and call the cops on

home when we treat at my restaurant

the only way I know the the only way I would listen to this program is when I was in the pits of hell I had no other place to go

Neil's father did not turn around and do those things because he saw something in there and his son

not that he wasn't willing

with I also called the the taken by himself a straight razor shave with a straight razor

the straight razor

this way you know when he gets dropped off at around and

because the goals of this sort will kill with kindness and knows the amount on that level

and

the head like that one ninety six one five basically the shape

I'm not a very nice person

yeah Hey with a straight razor I still do

I have a couple myself yet

on the one second wife will get the word out about my

thank you to close the area

yeah

right now

and life is really great today

I will take do anything for anybody any time provided they are blessed with the gift of desperation to get sober

because that's what it is perspiration is to get

I had no place else to go I came in

I could not live

anymore the way I was living

when did you need to go over to the winning side

for me

sorry to lose them I wasn't even in the race anymore

hi

and I don't know where I

over to the universe thank you

I don't know if that will make him because man

yeah

I had a bad experience where does everything

for me that I can't tell

you know I don't drive but I get the place

information on to people that have driver's license I get

you know

even though the latter right yeah yeah

yeah it's okay today

the land

next at the men's to make the make and then now today I thought I

a little bit will make in the men's and my father

two days before I went into rehab my father had a stroke

we never really saw the silver

three double full timers and I had put my father my mother

into a nursing home

I understand the Sunday Saturday

I got to the point when I used to go to four o'clock Sunday at living sober meeting

without approval Sunday for a plaque at the clubhouse is a damn good staff meeting

if people share on their experience with the staff on how they took it okay what they got out of it we don't use the

the

look at the numbers that we don't use that for

we used to play at the event if you open a book you open the paperwork and that usually the people you can tell the people that work the program by the people come out of people that work the ball with a will try to work and they work in a program at the little light blue book yeah

finding that the room is the ones that come in the room okay background I got back for a week and I know what to do now you know

and they have all the answers and

next thing and next meeting they're gone for a little while later on the line maybe a little of the light they got thrown back in you know a little about

and I kind of do

in order to do that I thank

not coming back but just for the amount of paging me what not to do

thank god for the baseball

tell me how to live my life construction manual

the boring reading

yeah

every time I read it it's new

please don't write any item highlighted and I guess with the black

no responses to your name is not on the title page is not writing it because you're down

and you probably missed by your name if if they put on the page hello I could even hold a pen

right

I could even write write my name in the snow you know

is that what you're

eleven

get out of bed plus one great thing about our outside we don't the controversy about rate the CWC back

my name is gotten better I don't have to worry about and I don't even have it anymore

yeah

life life life is great I do feel like

yeah

it is happy and free

man

yeah I know what I did yesterday

yeah I went into work

a Boston down all

nothing he goes what are you gonna do today as

little or nothing

Hey look at me and I sat down and started playing computer games

so nothing yesterday

transaction in the work the day before I had a power brush blow up on the

and I got hurt and I feel I will be

I didn't

I got twice as much at any today is today and made a

we made a whole bunch of drawings on what I need to find someone I did yesterday so today I knew exactly what I needed to do today

welding the cutting

eighty parts on vehicles but I was taken to homework

with a different facet of

today I know how to do things I complain

yeah I'm going to cut nothing big pile of metal and you know make a

for the full year

I do things differently thank

I have great pride in what I do

I have a lot of pride in my ability to be able to work in the trades of which I've been blessed eleven

yeah

the whole supply that I used to have how great I've always had great

in

when I make something I look at it

and I said what I buy this

and if I can answer yes the job is well done and I could take pride

I'm not afraid to sign off on my work

in the trades all my life some of the places that I've worked

forgotten her hello my slip shoddy work and I was telling everybody how great I love

welcome in the program

nobody's been hurt on account of thirty eight caps and I have done

I've lost the tip of my finger both myself here myself on fire a few times but it is

but then a great deal

Ostrosky Disney kid I think he's at a place

yeah

I used to get in places that that Niki

I still have the places but I can't keep that private you know on the keys rocks gave an honest man honest

that's when I was out there I want to get into someplace hi guys they are

the bigger and the batter pad a lock you at

the more I want to get in there

and I did

thank

in

thank

doing these steps

the best of my ability

and I think they think they talk about

ten eleven twelve a pick in the cities of maintenance that sucks you know maintain

sales

that's maintaining grow

while working there any other steps I would not pay VAT continue despite this sat here the subtle levels

and with what I've already done in this program

I would be given to Morrow morning

yeah

I have to keep doing what I've done

I still do the same things I used to take in the water we had I still make coffee I still taken

greeter I still take a listen to my sponsor and the sponsored ads today still doesn't he doesn't tell me anything I want to hear

my relationship my sponsors different today

I made a friend of my sponsor

the people I sponsor and the sponsored

wait until we get done with a six six six and seven and I tell them to go out and get that number somebody to sponsor and our relationship changes I am not a friend to you the staff

I don't believe I spotted told me you're not you don't do any what you're not doing any work and PFM those steps

yeah

he will let me speak at a meeting and collect them like this that

this is a you have nothing to fear

and only once in all the years that I've been and I mean all the time that I've been sponsoring

I have a lot in this situation you can the number on yeah you can't share can't speak if you got ninety days I have a rule you can share with you on your first and only once via ran into a situation where the person I was sponsoring

more than ninety days and into office that

I only pick the person up to three days before the

yeah

does he share

thank

and I think that

the simple fact is

but I have certain guidelines set

things that I have to live by today

yeah Chinese state attorney of the thousand miles starts with the first step

I used to take it out on the white line of life good in the middle of the highway got run over by everything that's going on with it did things my way or the highway you bet you people mowed down people down the highway they got married they got jobs good good homes and everything else and I say now why line killing myself

breaking the rules of engagement and then they gave me twelve steps and this is far larger

right

and I think probably a loss on down the road you know like like Dorothy in the wizard of oz

and while

with the happy destiny

I have changed my whole way of thinking today I reached out to help people today I make amends the people I don't use the word I'm sorry