Steps 3, 4 and 5 at the Carry This Message group in West Orange, NJ

what do you look at me one place in the world

now I am definitely

thank you guys

good evening my name is George Smith and I am definitely an alcoholic

a recap

well a lot of years and I don't remember too much of

and when I did come to

on memory came back to me I was either in a jail in a hospital or an alley

Mr

that knows where

finally they put the drink then I found out that I have a wife and two kids job and live in a town with over two years and didn't even know

a long time to take a hit my bottom spiritually

and fully emotionally

get over these days in the mind of the body as well as I put the apple on my body

I don't care about anything or anybody

I don't care what I had it taken due to get

the U.

you may

whether or not

ten and a half and half

it's going to get high

it don't matter

I don't give a damn about anybody or anything including myself

because that's

what I need to hate that drunk I wanted to make this I wasn't hurting anybody or anything

the Christmas day nineteen eighty four

when I found out what kind of a schmuck I really was

I question my wife

for

four year old daughter

I don't even recognize him

and the fourteen year old son told the

he did not put my first step for me

he told me everything I gave you the one up my nose in my arm it down my throat anything like that of course

nothing ever went to the house

anyone

I think I'm in the air right away because there is a simple fact is that I thought I could handle this I could do it myself and I had made I got copies of the book I read not the garbage

the overall part to talk about god higher power spirituality or helping others and doing anything else you know that

I do today willingly gladly briefly

do it man you know what the couple meetings heard about god politico put they've got this cycle when I walked out during

by the grace of god that I note today can't be sold me dry drinking

because I was not I was not able to

media according to Webster's definition of sobriety I had sobriety

about alcohol into a minor mood altering substances yeah I was so

hello and happy happy camper I think that's the time

one day I said a possible plan for my life

got to start with that

hello

she asked for help and I

the pattern with the tax for my nieces thank you because I could do for me what I can do for myself and I haven't looked back it is today

I don't look too far into the future

look into the future at all because god knows what's going to be in store for me because I don't

I did I probably screwed up

want to control

want to control everything when I was out there

I came in my first a a meeting and I met this gray haired old do they have like nine I use

more time than that and A. eight people

something

that ****

and he told me what kind of guy was

and I pay is a yep by we got a spot on

you understand and

what is the role of this money don't worry about it you don't know when the time comes

I'm still paying him more today he's been

in my spot to put quite a few years unfortunately because he had a stroke I'm very hard sponsored

respond to I gave birth to my second sponsored died on me and now I got a sponsor that younger than me but he's crazy to me so I don't really care

but it's okay

all the money that he collected over four hundred miles he took me through the steps kicking screaming in Beijing I cut around and make sure that a new cover doesn't leave the room Facebook password money go

and I do that people I sponsored

first came in I like that I'm I'm keeping this simple because

the program had the worst enemy in a very simple way

respond to a sneeze

well this is one of them go to step three guesses what about one two leases

twenty one is starting now

the last one manageable on my did you ever get arrested him to get in a fight here I have a black out give you get trapped at the W. Y.

seventeen a new Jersey driver's license in the state of New Jersey alone yeah I think I might have to be W. all that was on manageability but that's all I could comprehend what I'm manageability was at the time

that opened the door for you when you came in this room tonight

and we are a power operated near

plain and simple

non driving down to a power greater than I

the people in the room to be my higher power he told me now

you must all right god

and I proceeded to tell and twenty five dollars worth of fines or what you could do with god

no sense in your

hello yeah

and

this is a guy giving

and I do believe that that

I gave this is hoping

very passionate about this program because

the program called synonymous

he saved my life

I made a few people mad because I got to put up with me

this is still a cracking the Soviet times but it's okay thank god and then one step in a

I did my first two steps

that night because I know I could never do it again

and I know that you people

what I wanted and you won't help me

this is all about

Hey that he would

take me through the steps and I'd be OK and I go back out to you can count on when I need to party hearty and all that

on Sunday morning he got a hold of me we sat down and we went over this open debate talk

the seat at the table go over the world for

people

wait

doing so

in every state you

he never said anything

I know he was talking

to me about me yes that was me

I could see the insanity

at this disease and mental insanity of this disease of alcoholics

holism

I could see where I was egotistical self centered and every other way and they might not want to hear that and I told him like no I'm not like that

bottles

take a third of the twenty seven

anyone who made this

I did not want it made

I had had this to

and I always thought I was so great and so granted so wonderful so sweet and kind and generous and all that good stuff

the times it was kind of the times I was good at it times I was caring

all that

reality

as the next line says

at the time to the knee

hello the

and a whole bunch of other things and you know something

when I was in need of it will be in contact

I would be in the sea for

being one of those things

because I was only out for one simple little thing I was out

to get what I wanted I was out with George Smith

the

I wanna I needed and that's all that matters

and we got them going through this eight hours later

it took me over to the hospital where the meeting was and

he hated to make four large coffee pot of coffee

hi cash loan online is one more one full of water

and he threw me the keys and he says I hope you are watching this last night you don't like the coffee I made it so from now on we are making

this is

and you don't give it up until somebody **** about the coffee

I have

great sympathy for the free all sat on the night group because I tell you I I can make a lot of people on the

one night somebody committed I thought I'd made a real good time across the broadest this takes a lot of

you got it

but I well that's sponsoring a Porsche mark

yeah

yeah

in the beginning with very simple for me

that that that that those stuff I thought I was okay I can handle it I I know well

I think it says something about the big book talks about it I thank

I think pounding on the ball like bill

sponsor the aces

at the what you're thinking is just a twenty nine

now we're going to get down to the root of the problem

one of my problem is alcohol what is your problem

the solution for that one the trust into a higher power

that is

in the course of action

the step three make that decision attorney will only allow for over the counter cod this is

don't worry about the track

now we gotta worry about that thank

even me well the disease of the law of the of the alcoholic is in his mind rather than his body

I only think about drinking

if you are drunk before you pick the tank up to

what do you mean

he proceeded to tell

he says your mind tells you that it's okay you end up you can add a lot to live Sir I

yeah and what happened what now between the two

fifteen dollars

I never had two drinks

no I only have one drop to drink too many drinks but that was about it

yeah

and I know today if I ever run out I don't have two drinks but why do you believe Jack Daniels distillery

Hannah

we sent them

after that

the second meeting on that night

and we started to go over

for

five words to describe him like he can

yeah

he has handed me a noble leaders expiring as he says

to list everybody would now

every place you've ever been wrong for calling

every idea or principle that you have a

anything that you would have thought that

it's a good idea

with

yeah right

and I did that right away you got two weeks to do this

S. any shorter than that your line and any involvement in that you're procrastinating

and any any more longer

you are going to get to a

we all do what he's going to make a

many other spatial forever

ten dollars

the

you know I

media and all the answers

answers the questions that I didn't even know that I had

yes me a question and I will pull it is because your line

and he charged me I mean this guy was

I thank god that he did

thank god this guy was on my case

besides the fact only meetings he turned around the

is a good meeting up the Madeline which is two miles away is see if there

we didn't get there is that you believe you can get to a meeting

back at home when you get home you get when you're waiting on me it will get you a ride

okay right it gets me going to meetings going on I've got out there he says are you stand outside this meeting

greet everybody

I worry about you do it at every meeting you go to the end of the meeting but the tears away

okay

I did everything that this man told me because it has rarely have we seen a person that was probably five yeah this guy had me so mad I'm gonna take it with me the sales are going to prove him wrong

something

I'm still trying to prove them wrong

I love this guy

really blessed by hi this guy

any other life that give me a good cop bad cop with used to be called out one is white Mary

gravelly Mary

he'd missed the point he pick it up

yes

I was going through the net with meetings with him every night hi we've gone through the Facebook every night by the time I got done with my fist up we had gone to a baseball

he'll have me there with the dictionary from nineteen twenty five looking up all the words

to make sure that I understood what they meant

yes I didn't understand any of this stuff

I was thirteen years I thought I knew everything and I found that I really didn't know anything about staying sober about living life

put them all in my resentment his plan you get done with the old issue taking

start a new pages list them out and I I want to five I want to five it was no books no no exaggeration

I had to

at the pros and cons you mind putting down

yeah and if you have a question asking

that is the question because I didn't know what I was doing

did not call the call got connected with Kyle and I think that while

mmhm do you really want the truth on here

that was repeated charge because our biggest laughs yes and I did

I put everything down and I went through I found that my fears

I found out my insecurities and a man mandatory even on those I mean this guy was

nine a couple of minutes I I just can't do this anymore

here's why I got it I got it I got so much going to be taken to get rid of these as well come on come on over right after Japanese

thank you the jeopardy free console with a one over his house

the backtrack a little with the third step

we got the third step primarily raining like hell and that was a big mud puddle had sinuses combined outside when it's cold god tells

if you don't pray to god and god and man's house the god you pray to god in god's house to dot

can anyone outside this puddle it didn't look that big but I found out how deep the water

because he and I know that possible

and we pray

the staff prior

so much

I feel free

thank god it got me right into my foster

maybe a couple hundred yards from where I live

our analysts went over there and I'm back and I got my health center on my big block and operating account with

a we

he's got

the room

yeah and I found they get to the door hi how he's not hi Kevin how are you he opened the door he knew the the

because combine it very well

at five

and she disappeared

and I will have no idea what I'm telling

this is gonna help me thank

please

help me

thank

will be a little bit

okay I spoke with okay

this man

learn more about me

why

and about my feelings and my emotions and I cried and I laughed and I

our

and I was happy I lose everything

everything

I wanted to be me

you know one of the promises of the distances will be able to world could be I

I could trust in the in the day

to his trusted

our

hi this is could be the trust another human being

with god's help

many Torres cells to god and to another human being

the exact nature of the problem

I told the man things that I would never tell anybody

I was

you know the waitress tell me

I need

we are delighted Alaina health plan and promises was more than that

but we leave

yeah

I really felt

and he can can and will take me

to be honest the

for the first time

the unmanageable what he said about Steph curry control my every word and action

when I went to dance my sponsor

like that for everybody

the relief that I felt the joy that I felt

you know I I never thought that hi how many drivers but I have a couple because man I loaded home

I floated all

an hour later my phone rang and just get your **** back up right here

yeah

the data by people and

and I went over to

five proposals

I'm glad I didn't have the best of my ability but I recall when I was doing so much for coming into my mind about things that I have left the workforce that is allowed to be our next one I mean I get the more

yes

you're only going to do one for seven in your life

arresting a life is still going to be known as saying Danforth said and you know some of these while I'm still in my first post but after

all this time

because things keep coming up

coming up

the solution to my problem with the world with my six

get rid of my character defects my character is a mighty motions that were wrong it isn't the feelings that I had

what I did with

nothing wrong with getting angry at somebody provided to use that anger to constructive way

yeah

I like the

my my placenta Jenna

eight point one new tools one time

to help stop

and he has made his own money to buy some

I hadn't been mad enough I want a pro tool to snap on man when he came

total snap on it

on a first name basis a snap on dealer because I don't know I don't want money to go and not anything else but that's okay because I'm still trying to

but at least I got mad at somebody and I do something constructive with rather than lashing out I decided to improve myself I saw that the fact that me I needed to see something that I need to correct it I worked on it I'm still working on it

Anna is what we do with ours thank

and by the stricken punishment for cinema and side and head you know

do things anymore

and

Hey good lookin woman

what do I do taken off today only Hey honey what you truly

yeah I I do things differently now

by the time I get home with my at my age I don't think

yeah

but I want to tell you

but it's okay I don't remember what it was don't worry about it

I do remember his sister don't worry about it

this program is great because I probably would've gotten angry at army killed but today I just laugh about it yeah

okay

anyway we went back and did

everyone over this process in the six months that I try to make it motorized without sand now

I'm trying to trying to do the best I can

yeah

the rainy night

comma let's go

and it was cold

not not a big mud puddle

find multiples and Melissa Harrington

I thank god and I noted that

yeah I asked my shortcomings

basically the thing which I do agree yeah why activity things that I use to do why did I get angry

they have all that stuff why it had taken

good deal

the ration of lies that I had

I second rationalize anything

and by the actual ID peoples of Russia logs

legal then we stand up and he looks at me this is not rocket some of the spots he sees the world the program

and I took a while

the couple what that calls to go out and do it I was making a payment press what plastic grommet

sixty five days I celebrated my ninetieth day in the

a fellowship and the Monmouth County jail carrying a message

at nine twenty eight days nine hundred twenty five or twenty eight days I can responsibly

and an eight point eight two eight

my story

explain this to me is

this call me directly and then I had I thought I could

on Saturday the immediate

and it

for

main article because then thank you god

yeah

and I took him to St then go to step three this is all about wanting to

and I could see

which is the main

yeah stop doing could you stop doing it now

a list of all

if you get arrested and he goes now

D. W. Y. now

your wife

yeah

Adam

I went home that night and I guess I got that one hit my one month old account because the value gonna work the program

yeah because the pain he's having on people

with all the people every time I pay somebody through the steps I go through the steps I have

the only way

for me

three

my life story

in many ways

be nice to my life Sierra's Korean mothers

in a campaign like a mother in law is fine but the sons who left Ghouta power

yeah

I always tell my kids come on okay take it to the store I tell them out by on ice cream and I turn around look

Watson I have been a nice father

for a story

yeah all up your car if you don't buy the blues

and

a couple three days for a new car

Kate and I don't like about the

yeah

hello but I'm not that way anymore today

and I can make my complaint I sent it to something the best of my ability to

and I still do the same things I used to do that today I'm up front while I am doing

I guess somebody in response to it hello okay I'll take you through the steps for the signing hello

I need to live thank

because I love the people I sponsor

I'm not from the people that are around me

RT so that's going to help me

I don't think I'm the same person today that a lot of them will result

morning then yeah

I

to the people I sponsoring with the person I have is a sponsor today it's basically the only time we talk then there was a sense that

because something's always coming up

hi that is because my father said that we're gonna pay you

well one of the world's not like sponsoring terrorism we want to go to will send out his okay what so we went up to the Wilson house hear somebody speak

Montel is that they are earning those have never been on any worthwhile step calls

I have a little as a sponsor and then on

so now I've been on about fifteen to twenty of

and I mean the what was called the attack he sitting on the guy's chest and cable from drinking you get a little bit of POW's taking people from the pay

but that's the way it was back when I came in

and

we had after we could get up and stand up and walk

and did things like that

and somebody starts

the stock opened a meeting AT say Hey man not

to send a resume to map

I want my life my future because there are two futures in that book

what this does for the

I can be

it feels an institution have a ticket that posting

the teacher is happy and free yeah god only knows what's gonna happen beyond that

and I want the steps

a little bit differently

and I used to

hello

with a greater depth than when I first came in because when I first came in I couldn't understand

what I'm managing political

today I look at the problem

see what I'm doing

it's not right and I'll sit down and I'll pay right on

good people around me

and I'm not afraid to take a hit yeah

if you're sitting outside the door after meeting I have sought I want to talk about your list

yeah

you know life is

you better be talking to a new cover because if you're not I am

yeah

this keeps me so

I'm not afraid to take part in a new Plymouth city of ingestible Baptist at Parliament Hill Tennessee all man I wasn't that bad but I can identify thanks for listening

can be a call to the steps yeah

you know it works

it is because I'm not sober by anything that I've done

I'm not sold by any thought that I had

it's only by action

and I said Mara hack

and more action

I still make coffee

I still my second sponsor I had he was an old mother will kind of time

everywhere you went he was the first one you met he greeted at every meeting he went he made coffee at every meeting he wanted

and

he told me patience and tolerance because he could put up with me

is it good is that I don't want to listen to the

but at the top of my head

in a while what you gonna do about it

and if I hadn't had a piece of paper in my pocket to give him an answer

he can be a piece of paper

and

isn't that the whole area

a little bit

yeah

an eagle anywhere any place any time to help another alcoholic

he was another

full time hard ****

a lot of these people they called me one port okay

I used to laugh at everybody you know little

we will heal had I thought everybody else in this world the biggest joke you know the funniest thing in this world is

me try that thank

if you really want to take the laughing I found this in a way that is myself

twenty nine in the last eight months left in the account

yeah it's okay because life's a right today was pretty good

why because I keep doing what I need to do a model I need to do I need to keep writing policy inventory I'm still going over some of the stuff I look at my furnace inventory

right

right

at the time this is why it is so I could have made it and I believe that the way I see it

last week I spoke about a Christmas tree

that was at the house when I came I came out there we had a Charlie Brown tree

I hate when I tell that story

see pictures that Christmas tree

right

and when they need it

I could see

and I remember

I can't see anything

mine a cold hard

yeah

I have to open up the god god lets me know what is what

do I always do the same

am I a perfect area am I working on a hundred percent

by the big book hello hello

yes I guess yes yeah hello so

I think I said like since Monday morning or Tuesday afternoon something like that

they can work on the policy they like that

eight out of my skin and it took me a little while

to get over this that take and see where I can still screw up I'm not a perfect angel I don't walk on water

I hope you do a laughter with the one I sponsored the other one I cross that

and it's still coming around

you know

but the thing is life is okay thank

and I'm not perfect

people tell me you know if you're if you're screwed up

listen to all

ninety nine times out of one hundred yeah right

yeah

in the beginning my sponsors says one

try looking at all the things you're doing wrong on that day

I have not been done in the totally online

his

now you can just look at what you did wrong for the day and try to correct it

you realize what he was saying noticed with the

penalized right the biggest

and the gray Intel intellectual wisdom

model

the person that I thought I won I tried to think myself into that thing right

and I used to be a real pain in the ****

he says just to the right thank

just posted them

think about what you do

and your first two it's going to be wrong

he's thinking a little bit more

and you better be thinking call your sponsor

and I used to call in every name under the sun

tell you what

he put up with me

I probably only half a million dollars

and I don't think it's going to take responsible paying off the principal I'm still gonna be box

still doing all the things that he told me the bill today

why

every time I go into the details of the P. pack stopped me and that comes out nine right more

yeah I do a lot of inventory right

because I keep learning about me

every time I get a new pages in response to your that we want to call another property directly to steps

zero

at the end of the town they have to listen to me

date of the new stuff and stuff that

Indiana never fails

I don't know if they get anything out of it I get another day sobriety

a little bit more happy

yeah

prevent this might work

you can do it who is the best I can the first time I think somebody could tell I think it's kind of those samples I can't

the first step today

powerless over alcohol

I still think about it

times

the restaurant that person has done little to make you know and I want to stay on I have a drinking problem they don't know how to drink analysts say other than I did last time the

and I what I think is so helpful my motive in antilock four bottles when they're on the floor you know

I can't do that

seven in Alcoholics Anonymous about that that I don't think I got all my payments comes one month my wife and granddaughter like I tell you but I don't

I usually go for one

yeah

okay

I've been in bars

I walked in and people that I've spoken to sit near a wall I left it alone okay

any for me

please

because I mean I can

I need to

thirty six

because on my side today if I do this work as well the guide will provide me with everything I want

it has an open heart

contents

he hasn't given me the million dollar car houses god or anything

it is one of him give me what I need

he gave me today

in order to get put on the table taking calling how to stay healthy

good day

life and hope that you know

I think that's the case

and the fifth in the back

yeah

the old expression if I'd known I was gonna live this fall one of the things that I did not want to feel the way I am

finally gonna live this long I would have done a wonderful when you feel this way today because I want to be around okay I have another drink I probably wouldn't be

maybe that's why that's keeping me here

and I thought this whole program and about not drinking

close at five guys well you could talk

I spent all my life trying to get my **** together right now well I am not a small deal today I want to get my act together I'm not gonna drink Bourbon I wanted to go to court today was I want to get things together and then my life together and I can't put all the stuff stashed shopping it

yeah

thank god today

when I clean the house with that in mind

what's that and I took it to that garbage out this stuff six

you know some guy it was on the all that garbage that I can't

hi

trying to get together

the buying glasses on

I haven't found them yet

I myself

with a smile and then come the stakes

spacetimes desperation hello when you see that clinic I work in this

when you reach out

yeah

where is that carpet hi can I take

people here

god

one thing

that's not me thank

keep in touch

I hit my knees I say my prayers

right okay I don't care what your price to dissolve you don't pray to one for yourself