Steps 10, 11 and 12 at the Carry This Message group

I'd like to introduce our guest speaker that we've had for the past month in August and it's Dennis's last week here with us and he will be doing steps ten eleven and twelve new dentists are real

I write my name is Dennis Robbins and I'm an alcoholic

and

we want to thank they do group family Mike and Kathy and

thank you for having me to pass on

mark this is Brisbane a joyous thing for me I I really have a lot of fun doing this

I get a chance to hear myself

and when I hit him myself I learn I remember

and I know when I have to do on a daily basis I want to thank

J. eserver Annika for riding with me up here and almost scared a man to death

I have a I have a I have a very big too many shortcoming I drive fast

and a lot of people are very scared when he right with me but I always tell them you have the freedom that wrecking my car you know I mean

you know so thanks a lot come with me and and and be in there with me all the time and of course my

my good friend time is coming up on this twelve year

I have to say much about town the county just does it

and that's what it's all about you know my spicy stories tell me it's not so much what a person says

the measure of a person's by what he does

but he does not close enough to miss you know

that's your joy was infectious

your job is very infectious and

I just love listening to you because

I carried that same joy today and I

has had a pretty much since I got here my sponsor told me that I was home

that would have to suffer anymore and I have

they're tossed if you put these two aspects in your life who come home the person he has a lot to me

you know

is just you know I think about my sponsor he's coming up in October these are two sun era zona

but what he actually did was he never really

demanded and do anything

he showed me what he did

and I think I want to be so much like

then I just followed

and I did exactly what he did

and I look back over it now these past years and I'm just so grateful so grateful that

god put that man in my life because he

add me to this book

and what he did was he lead me to service

and of course that's in the twelve step

but I'm going to talk about the ten step today you know not I just like to review the steps you know when I when I come up here you know and

you know the first step we're powerless and when I had to do was I had to find that power to help me out

I learned about my disease in the doctor's opinion the first two chapters of the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous I was able to identify

I must policy stories tell me read this book

a study this book and identify which you read at

all they did was talk about me I knew I was in the right place

I can't believe that poverty myself restore missing after being here at the time

getting a whole new on understanding about a guy that I've never done that that I've never really ever known I learned about a minute week gnostics

the guy that I learned about in church this is the guy that I believe today

just not that way because for

anything or any person or any deity whatever you might say to take me out of the living hell and I was in

and to love me that's the only way I can say it had to look at me

because I was in a live in hell that I will never ever one ever go back to it

it's right here

I can pull that it anytime I so desire

and hope god never lets me forget that hell and I was the one who back answers when I come to places like this around people like you

drunks trying to stay sober dated time that's one of the

and by making that decision to turn over my life moved here god

did that to really an action steps to four forty seven

now the love I don't know anybody knows by John John about love them when they talk about the first three steps being

taking care to spiritual man steps for five six and seventeen care to mine

steps eight ninety get a physical relationships

and then they talk about after that you might run into another dimension

you know and to be honest with you some days I feel like a minute to mention today

it is seven days when Dennis gets back in there

and I feel like I have ninety days you know

but you know I'm I'm with the ASEAN months about my program you know you know I

I'm very very honest and I don't have no lock on anything

I do it a day at a time so there's only way I can I can I can live this program

Bustos also taught me is taken in corporate the steps in your life

some people say work the steps I don't get into what people say they must process get the steps in a corporate them into your life that could become a party you

can you be on the line and down like a system he never lied to me

is that what we look at ourselves in either find out those

those

those parts of my nature that needed to

ascertain to gift of god of my understanding I think that does it

the three basic instincts life security sex and social

in a four step I was able to write write it down make a list of all my resume as he is in my sex sexual behavior

I was able to take a look and see how selfish self centered herself whose daughter had been all my life not just when I picked up a drink

all my life I was able to look back and really categorize all of my life story

and our service right from the get go

and the staff five you know we

Militar sells the guy another human human being and a human being as my sponsor

because he was so category shared his life with me

you know it I shared mine with him

I was able to tell knows things about me I never knew I S. I was a self seeking and I was I never realized how self absorbed that was in those things that I would never tell anybody online because they

some may point out to me the big movies if you skip this vital step you might have overcome your problem with drinking

and that got me motivated right right away I don't want to go back to that hell and I came from so

when you show me something I'm in you convince me I'm going you know and one of things that I can really

I'm so grateful to days

when I got here I was in so much pain

that all I want to do is get better and it was always what's next

when amounts that the let's say the printer whenever I want to I started to speak that's the way it was to me you know it didn't take a long time for me to get involved in the steps and it didn't take a long time for me to complete the steps

instead of six no we've been entirely ready to have god move these defects of character

an assembly S. into membership comes in basically this does the effect they will be there cause me to pick up a drink right away I want to take away those little subtle defects I still have the jealousy and the list of things to linger around me but it's a day at a time I'm not as bad as I was when I

and that's how I measure the progress not perfection

no in an inmate I made a list of all those persons at Honda my sexual behavior mine and and my resentments and I got that off my four step list and

I was able to make direct amends to everybody in in my life

I didn't have to go look if anybody everybody just seem to appear to write

that I presented me the opportunity to make demands just as when it was supposed to be made

I made a mess of my ex wife after I was in the program a little over two years I made a mess of those people are my job those voices why made miserable

policy has also been moved over two years and a collection on

some amends with my family made almost immediately after I got to the men step I went right to my parents right to my wife and right to my child

and carried out that that function and it told me right after that that these things these great promises will come true in my life I like to say that some of the problems come into long long before I got step nine a lot of the committee to elect forget stepped in on our step ten in

this entry continued take personal inventory

and we were wrong promptly admitted him down

to me must try to tell me that this is a vigilance this is a step that I have that is a step which enables me to always take a look at me I still have people talk about taken a ten step at night

well I have to take one all day long

I have to always because you look at myself and be look at myself about selfishness myself seven this things that crop up my life and to be commercially aware of it and have to put my finger on if I can't have to write it down and take a look at it

and it probably made it when I'm wrong otherwise it takes a very very bad told me I feel the pain almost immediately if I want to stop in something I know I did something wrong and I just want to stay around in the mud I can do it man to pain is not good

and sometimes when I want the pain to go away right away it doesn't even when I do follow the directions and I you know it made it to myself to my sponsor to another person my network and I asked god to remove it sometimes he doesn't do right away lets me sit in for awhile because I have the tools today in which to do it

have the tools in which to do that today and that

you know its it's something I have to do all day long I have to watch for those times when self kicks in because with me come back then you know what I mean and at least today my god I have an awareness

you know I have an awareness of it that's the most beautiful thing about planning where and when this is not the one I was acting I guess existed you know I was so sick and you think there was anything wrong with me

I realize that they will be talking about golf clubs to start doing the steps Iraq thought I was fine I just thought I drink too much you know I mean I thought booze is killing me but I mean it is that the matter was I don't think there was anything wrong with me you know mentally that couldn't be erased by the the shock treatments

or padded cell somewhere enemy noticed time away and just just give me a few jokes and I guess I'll be alright you know I mean

I found that happens it gives that little boy

and those who will say

because I always want what I want when I want only

I mean that's not social VAB nothingness you know and it says in the book you know it says that you know they

a lot of people just think promises on eighty three eighty four but a lot of problems has raised up to

Clapton's ready

Levin tells you of others codes

his winning graces we have ceased writing anything or anyone even alcohol

on most days with me

if I'm honest or most days before I came out of organisms and sees quite many behalf with everybody every day all day my mind was constantly in chaos I mean I was just anxiety it was just a constant burden of just to live

line before I came across my arms I probably was in the early stages of being a pathological liar

that's one who not only believes ally but believes that you believed a lot

you know so you know if nothing else I've made tremendous progress up into this point you know because now I don't I don't relish lies to to much and I don't I don't like the line only people allowed me

you know so it says here that

it we will someone be interesting record if tempted we recall from it as from my heart for me

this incredible

you know it says here the sanity returns

it is not something you know from being totally insane exhibiting insane behavior just about all my life

to now have the some reason the sanity meaning that can distinguish a lot

when it tells me the first thing is all right it's a lot

okay how finalize with me is the lack of me I'm going to go to me today my mind line

there is a minimum aspen still refers Gaddy said

often did you drink I said every days when you go to meetings every day

I'm broken I have broken my terms the last almost eighteen years a data

you know I just did what he sees that do that that's what I do and I don't know for some reason number make a lot of meetings I have it I guess your motion behave because of something I don't know I just I love coming to me I love listening to people of the missing people and you know says

it is is we we accidentally and normally

wow

well that's that's that's some promise me you know I mean you know I mean based on my life as I knew before I got here my goodness gracious

you will find that this is happen automatically

nothing I did

all I did was follow some simple directions they were laid out to me in this book

I'm always going to say in response always answer the questions for me he would never let me blame anybody

never let me blame anybody you know is it a problems in you until you find it you're going to have to surface

yes we must not to talk me out level for

because today I can't blame anybody I'd like to

he

you know

you notify the really gets me is is this part raises the problem has been removed

problem has been removed

gone

you know I don't I don't go to the store

although no boss

I live in a box

you could mail me the letters in the body that was a drive by the fact that it got mailed

I saw that's Pablo was in some of the boys

you know I don't I don't like bars I don't go around people that drink if I happen to be at a at a function

and people are drinking it doesn't bother me

if I feel uncomfortable Ali

but it doesn't bother me

I know the truth about alcohol firmly I know the truth about alcohol I can't drink it it's just that simple

and the truth about it

we need a cop you know we afraid that is our experience that is how we were actually keep it spiritual condition

and now you know scratching dition

I was out in them

I was at Minnesota at the convention

in time I from North Carolina was talking

the German this man I get a chance to see him every year as I go down to North Carolina convention reckons convention

and he was speaking at the young peoples

meeting up in Minnesota and

when would that may was speaking to young people slow but you know yeah it was a great message he always does

but he says something that really stuck with me he says we can't rest on our laurels

in the book he says alcohol is subtle from

he says I have to do today what I did yes

you know

I thank god for now only time I put my spots was that way

and I get a chance to go to prison every Tuesday night the last seventeen years but I guess it was forty nine years and I called him out of

he doesn't rest on his laurels the isotope bill ma'am thank god I mean we've been doing this for forty four points over forty five years prison with we will take a break no breaks in the

you know and thank god that I've been around people like

so I don't I don't rationalize what trick my mind into believing that I can take a break

you know and

you know he went on to mention how people hate going out you know people twenty five and thirty years ago they got drunk because they rested on their

they thought they were okay you see I need to hear that

I need to hit at every day I need to hit on a continual basis and I need to be around people who are constantly doing service

so now we have to get the thought that we need to do this

I don't get to do it and I can I can let them do it now I can sit back and watch

I think you know for me been in Fitchburg to condition means to me is giving of myself to never suffer the whole

that's what that's what it is you know I don't I've never seen

you know I I've I've I've maybe had have experienced some sort of feeling on occasion but I think the the the best

thing I can ever seeing guys look another alcoholic

you know we watch the day party eyes turn it sparkles you see the program working with people to be around and see people with they came in the program I can

almost twelve years ago

and they look at it and today my god my god I notice works no question in my mind that maybe I will see to me when I see the somebody else

yes the status because his birth condition is and what it says we just have a daily pre based on a major loss per to condition that's only ten place with the use that word maintenance

in a previous cities made the steps do not meet the steps of maybes of steps where I need to discontinue to grow

I need to continue to grow and assess every day

for the rest of my life

every day I never have it made here

you know there times when I'm I think I'm all right

you know I get those feelings you know so I mean I'm all right

but a lot

that's a lot you know I know I still have to do it have to do on a daily basis to keep what I have

and

you know it's it's every day when we must carry this vision of god's will and activities how can I best serve the

that I will not mind be done

**** my will never work

never exactly yeah

we're not close enough to get me a lot of trouble to

not a trouble how to tell my will yeah so

any time I will my life over the over to the guide is not condemn the stamina because now I'm so much better for much better for it

majority said about receiving strand is bring direction from him we has all knowledge and power if we have carefully follows directions we have begun to sense of love the spirit interest to some some extent we have become got conscious

wow

when asked as best as the

you know when I'm not always thinking about me but the case is when a lot of cases when I start thinking about somebody else

that's not me

that's the something else do it for me because all my life I was self absorbed with me

what for me why not mine

if I gave you some of those the consistent military

I always had this thing where I had to notify me

go with the bar made of necessarily

nobody only because I had to get my drinks when I ran out of money

so I scheme manipulated

anything to get what I want I would going to blossom time act like I was one of the major

you're right there with I have no money for you but if you spend you see otherwise I get angry see so many pages were not always

you know

for the other it was always to look for something when I give it to them

it happened today that most of the time

see I'm a keep it real you know I'm not no sane opinion and hope I never become one because I don't have one leave here

you know he says when we get to step eleven

we sought to premeditation to approve accounts contact with god as we understood him

Pringles analogy will force the power to carry that out

I learned to pray in an Alcoholics Anonymous

be honest with you guys when I was drinking all my prayers were help me god

get me out of this mess guy and I promise it won't happen again

it turns out to be laying in my bed

and today at today's call alcoholic paralysis

where only thing I could move with my eyeballs

I'd be laid in bed the only thing I've moved in my book in front of me

then after a period of time the feeling will come back in my body

yeah get up in the fall on my knees right well god thank you so much and can I go get a drink

go right get a drink

you know

always in trouble on my knees to my guts out and dirty bathroom bar bathroom floors noticing crap all over

you know that's it I mean doing it online

this is I get above my knees I walk outside the tele by ten to give me a beer

the whole lot magic at the OB and lime wedges beverages I didn't know it was alcohol you know alcohol to me was get drunk

you know heavy duty stuff you know I mean I told over to Vancouver run just get knocked down to get a job so my prayers makes it mainly consisted were when I was drinking was

get me out of this and I promise

I will do it again

the south was absorbed not only in

maybe the south was absorbed even in the press as I see it today

I was only pray and just put it is that right the

I thought I was praying to get out of it permanently but I was just give me that is right now because I really want to drink

you know that's what I really want to do that

so the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous you know it says

sought to premeditation to improve Akash connected with that which means to me that by this time I should have some kind of a constant contact with god

some you know some sort of awareness that I'm not running the show

somewhere along in the in the previous page some some spirit wear something other than me is doing something

that I'm not sure

and I found out that there would be times when I when I say oh this is not me

you know and I had to improve on and never were proven

by following some simple directions that I laid out here is double that

you know I would be honest with you I was out in no

I was out in Utah how's that in our northern Arizona I got asked about this big around the

and

I want to go up to

and that canyon the Shea

Bryce canyon

which is only about maybe fifty miles fifty five sixty miles from where we were

and my sponsors in the backseat with with

this guy's why he was the best delegate Bob

and when we were driving up there I had a clear blue sky he said upon awakening

I ask god to direct my thinking especially the divorce of self pity the sinuses of seeking moments

and I looked at

it invests in the big book he says he and I see it every morning

passable copy them you know I

I was

you know at that time I guess about seventeen years and I said you know I never said

I never is right here simple directions

I never have who better can direct my thinking

thank god not me

I need to turn over to somebody you know so since we went to that and since I've been back home I practice that on a daily basis I mean is when my first conscious thought of being away

right away ask god to direct my thinking

you know what I really feel if I practiced this

if I continue to do it

if I'm conscious of the fact that I'm asked to do it

then it will be done for me

and eventually does crazy thoughts in the same plaza where they are when you first wake up

slowly drift away

you know in in this thing is just full of career you know he talked about

those things about looking at myself doing today

examine myself at night with me I exam myself throughout the day if I'm uncomfortable I'm talking to somebody right away this is the way it is I I can't I can't see it would be too long some talk to somebody right away and then

I like the I like the southern you know talks about

the thing about our day we may face indecision may have been able to determine which course to be taken here we has got his Gration intuitive thought or decision

we relax and take it easy no struggle

what surprised all right answers come right after we tried for a while

amazing

amazing I wish I could practice it every day

sometimes when I get angry I I don't I don't relax

I don't think about that into it right away I cause damage then I have to go back and make amends for the damage jackals

simple simple instructions that I believe the president is every day I guess they become part of this I don't have to worry about those all of a sudden periodic angle moments or things not going my way my react

and we usually includes a meditation of the credit that we can show all throughout the day went on next it will be it will be given whatever we need to take care of such problems we especially freedom from self world

we may ask ourselves a valves will be helped the careful never to pray for hours operation

many of those ways of time a lot of time doing that it doesn't work then you can easily see why

self will can't remove self will

I have to make my god make my will conform with god's will I can't investment bility otherwise absent back witnessing it and then this is a problem

you know meditation I guess prayer is is petitioning guided meditation is listening

I'm not too good to sit still and just listen

I can go to sleep

it also so that for Houston meditation thing this doesn't work too well with me

but then I heard Joe and Charlie say something that really identify with and I I need to do more

is meditating for making me listening to you

you know listening to you not listening to what I want to say in response to you but listening to you fully

you know just trying to block out everything in my mind the country no would you say

and you know I'm brexit more more every day you know I remember when I was in there said Brad I could wait for the person showed up so I can tell him he was wrong

you know usually read this page in a big book or you should do this and you should do that self righteous behavior but basically meditation for me is listening to you

listen to people in the room this is a message from everybody okay here day two days ninety days or years ten years twenty years is a message from everybody in fact I learned to just listen without thinking about what I'm the same response

yeah it's kind of difficult for self centered person because right away I always I I I can anticipate which you could say to me already so I already got a response ready for you immediately and I I need to I need to work it I need to sit and listen to all the way through I used to have guys ask permission to leave wait a minute what do you just wait till I finish

and I said I already know what you're gonna say and then playing

say

analytical

you know what I can to get to the chase

sometimes I have to let somebody talk the way I

and then listen and then then respond but not to just stand there and say okay okay you don't interrupt the rise that we kind of

you know and it's not right you know it's a meditation for me is sitting still when I when I get occasion system I also have the standard a woman a woman in them

in New York when I was running a meeting of the system he said you know

if you currently going

this is the room

they say with me but I said why can't you just sit down in the which is

I said wow you know the training

my whole thing here well the thing is

I want to go to

I wanna watch McCullough Waxman come the big car waxes free gas everywhere I go back to my car three times a day you know I that does it's an addiction with me I'd be too which

but you're going to going to is going to a store he's the one that you just sit and be rich you

that's a good suggestion attract

and you know the times when I can just sit at home on my couch my family is gone

and you know I feel comfortable

so when I do this before

I don't know how

I was listening to this

in a way satellite times just to sit down and just don't do nothing

you know now I got to watch that too because I could go the other way

I'm an alcoholic yeah I can get that that don't do nothing to get stuck with a caption that moved

but I need to be alone with me so I need to be alone with god

I need to be with me and not not to deprive myself and and as we go through the day we pause when estate adopt we ask the right door action

because you remind ourselves we are no longer running the show on the saying to ourselves many times each day that will be done

with any much less dangerous Satan and glory of self pity approves decisions come much more efficient

we do not terraces for wind that burning up energy food here as we did when we were trying to arrange act assert ourselves

his plan like it works it really does

I mean the first people who framed is booked for its one hundred the bill was in the works they lived this

they said there are explicit instructions see

if you follow these instructions

it works it really does

you know so I try now on a daily basis to follow the prescription especially upon wakening has got to directly thank

I when I can win a match dated I try to just take a step back and take a look at the situation and see where I've gone straight

I do that on a daily basis why I love this program it's one day at a time some days I'm great at it

some days when I'm not too good at it

that allows them to pick up their drink I can always improve

and this is progress not perfection and this is progress every day for the rest of my life until they put the casket over me so I'm never ever going to get it right now I love the way bill and and and I thought the box in the in the frames frames whenever long get it perfect I used to think I was now

I think what I could get this thing down Pat

and all that stuff is gone I'm in this

the laws that the prison when they and and are

the only defeat may rest in peace he tell me say he must be insane

is also will miss thirty years exactly stuff every day

I thank you for telling me

thank you very much let me know that it may be some days when we do struggle with so they never have it made you know and then we get the check we get to step two out

after having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps

we try to carry this message to allow alcoholics and to practice principles in all our affairs

I guess this is the

this is the only chapter where I can really close the book on that I can really talk about my experience with

so about four months in Alcoholics Anonymous

in my sponsor

the study came around institutions with detox is sobering up stations in jails

now it for months

I wasn't really cable Karen any kind of message

what I did was I sat with him

and I watch what he did

and he says when you have finished when you when you finish with all the steps

he says maybe you can start doing this kind of work

at eight months

he invited me out to reconcile

if you say what I want to do is I want you to dress up

I said what dress up to go to jail he said that's what I said

it was on a Sunday morning

now I don't know of anybody you know anybody has a prison record and your record I'm not going to take you into it but ragas down

is an island with the main largest jail population probably in the end state probably large jail complex in the United States not prison jail complex

and before you go over the bridge one PM there is a

a security blue

where

they check your ID they look at you in the make sure you are right check the paperwork

they want to go over the bridge onto the Allen is receptions and

and at that reception center they check your ID

the check your paperwork

and then you go and you wait on a bus to take you out to the facility

so we got out to the facility which is the man's house of detention

we got there they check your paperwork

they check your ID and everything again I said I said damn Sonny you do this every Sunday and he said yes

any kind of had a smile on his face that he will be doing it too

you know what what what what but at at at the time I was unsuspecting no because that that's the kind of spicy ones you know and he said

you're going to be speaking at a meeting

and before we went into the meeting he asked one a correction officer if we can going to tear

and I looked and it was tears and people in tears when I'm blessed kidneys liver floors floors floors

look right cages

and we got to the meeting there was one alcoholic one inmate