'The Edge' in Pheonix, AZ

I'm on

I'm an alcoholic who's absolutely powerless over cocaine

and my name is Chris Raymer

I actually live in Ingram Texas he was get straight Ingram takes a little small town up in hill country and I work in high tech because think of Texas over near Kerrville Texas yeah

getting believe you know how we can Kerr in Texas all the time this without ever spoken errors on it I pretty you people don't have a clue what I'm talking about the

you were the Appalachia

the Appalachian

after you get to see the river there you know there's nothing but molesting sheep I mean there's nothing else

can you talk about she molestation Arizona

C. whatever she's got to get it I don't know

this could be good

I wanted to do two things tonight two things I'm gonna tend not to cuss

and I'm gonna tend not to piss anybody off

I'm gonna tell you right now that I'm gonna fail miserably at both of those things

I'm gonna really try with a constant part though because I believe we should be respectful and and do that I'm a chronic relapse or hello explain this

I'm eight years in our fellowships trying to get sober A. A. NA

have CA in Texas back then and

and I can't get sober

and I'm Diane and things that go into well we'll talk a little bit about that but in nineteen eighty seven I landed in a room full of people that were all Kerry big books and and they were alcoholics or addicts there but they had one thing in common they were all coming right out of the pages the big book and and I got sober because I didn't want to try to commit suicide anymore and I wanted another change and they said it would work you'll do the work and I finally gave up the fight said okay I don't believe you but I'll do it and and this is where I'm coming from and I spoke I nearly died getting you cats and and it was a painful journey and and I watch so many of you in the same place in my fellowships today what do you got for somebody in your belt or not I still watch a lot of people in my fellowship absolutely miserable and I want to talk to you guys about this business I want to talk to the folks yeah and in the process of doing this I I'm gonna I'm just gonna tell you off the bat I made

this is my my moment of disclaimer I feel like I need to do it for you new comers bless you for being here and W. old timers that have

kill people with your got into paying for years I just I didn't

I just need to tell you right off the bat but I'm an irritate somebody I'm coming you know it's funny you know I'm a I'm a controversial speak everybody else's your that you that don't do that your D. Chris right you're you're that you're like god due to from the pope I know that you see on on the controversy once they get everything I'm saying because of the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous

we don't say anything about the server but she'll stand up here tell you to take your time to do the work that's a controversial buckaroo

I just need to tell you right off the bat you know some of you're gonna love what I'm gonna say in some of your just going to hate it tonight and that's okay I understand that I'm not telling anybody from this podium what to do

yep yep middle road solution is working for you you're just happy happy happy taking it as it comes in and take it to you make and all that other happy working that's working for you go for it do it do it is open free deal

but if your life not happy joyous and free if you haven't had the spiritual experience of the book talks about books

listen up maybe something on sale jog Allstate center and you'll walk out tonight to go find a sponsor and start working the steps you'll have the same kind of experience I had well you out of the freaking water you know everybody wants to take exception with what I say sometimes on the podium you know it's like it's like we'll have a lineup it'll come up here and and you know they'll be a bunch of you guys are comfortable we really enjoyed you know the same as the come back to come back the next you know it could

and they will have a little line of surrounding piss and moan and then punched another little bit you know and just wait till the crowd live down in order to come up and take exception with what I'm saying

you know and and I just wanna tell you before you do it I I'm ready for you

five big said the bridges over here

my friend

though before I get cracking I needed really thank Craig for asking me to come up here and John and Tony for the hospitality I feel like a tourist Phoenix

I never saw anything like it you know I'm one of those Texans that always will you know they'll give you like a Texas humid from anywhere you know if you don't like it leave it you know this kind of Texas is the only place to be right I've you know I was right

may I need to get out more often I did

they took me rock yesterday and I probably shouldn't say that here

I'm a junior geologists we could rock hill and but we had a great time and I and I gotta tell ya I

I talk and see I mean he's not very damned off and I

in my

I work at a treatment center in in Texas I I do clerical work for treatment center and I swore I would never work for treatment center because I had I just for I wouldn't and

I ended up doing it and we get to do a lot of big book work with some of the cats for freeing for fun we got some people here in the audience that have gone through that little tirade and one of the things we well let me just

everybody that comes to this facility I get a chance to talk to and and and it looks like we have a thousand people through there a year I get the chance addicts and alcoholics alike because I came in the last three years it's just and it's practically nothing but crack addicts the damn thing we've ever seen in my I mean it's a it's a band that put in it I got to say this right off the bat thank god for cocaine anonymous because they've been up to that point or dying after the second my stupid a a meetings and and and and trying to identify with somebody trying to get some experience like the whole with somebody that has got a clue what took place about and they're walking out and die not knocking the fellowship I'm not the I'm just saying this deal about identification is real and it's necessary and what happened is when we start to get cooking and I was going cranking in Texas we start seeing a whole bunch of people in that area getting sober and staying sober

so wait work one it would be over two hundred twelve step programs based on this on these put it it didn't work

we would you know we would we would think nothing you know you got lady she having a problem with eating or a man have a little problem because it's it's in my a meeting starts talking about food addiction was shutting down like a heartbeat well we'll start there let the addict Hey meeting and die in our fellowship

there's no identification that for a lot of these cats you're welcome I'm not saying you're not I'm saying but but it but if you can't get it there tried and this fellowship of cocaine anonymous because that's what it's about I'll say it again thank god for cooking or not

it's the cooler

in the process of working with all these these back please come through to get a lot of young adults who have a lot of older adults through there and I asking these questions when they get there I said buddy you know how to do it did you ever go to a a and cooking Anonymous and narcotics I'm did you ever go to the lead well sure hell yeah every every one of a hundred percent a month not exactions of that ninety five percent I'm coming so yes absolutely we went to the program I said well but you know I under eleven year sober today as a result of the fellowship I know somebody's worked there's millions of it and cocaine and anonymous and they aid goodbye we're also what why didn't you stay why did you get it

this is where it gets controversy on

you wouldn't be able to get man we didn't know

no they would

what they tell me is this we got sick and tired of listening to the war stories and we got second time listen to people piss and moan about their problems

true true and so we go okay and so years ago I started looking in the list you're looking for reasons why when the fellowship has gotten so crazy you know

success rate at all it's not a I don't have the statistics now for cocaine anonymous but I'm going to get a success rate when I first came around the pike in nineteen thirty nine we got the book success rates in the early forties were sixty five percent of the people coming through the door getting so they just mirrored what's in the book I'm looking every archival talked every all time or I could find it at certain points after a period of **** around with the delay not like some of us do seventy five percent of the people coming to the fellowship we're getting sober Cleveland Ohio in the Cleveland area there was nearly a hundred percent success rate in my fellowship

today in Texas I don't know about error zona impact is recovered right right around twenty percent Houston Texas last count was about eight percent of the people coming into the fellowship or getting sober everybody wants to come up make an excuse you know what the breakdown of the family unit it's a got a crack cocaine it's the it's the legal system what the damages it's been so with that no it's not you know we had almost probably back in the nineteen thirties and forties we don't cultivate all dance drug it it's not that it's that the message being Kerry today through the night people it's not the same as it was Kerry back then

back then they didn't **** with you if you didn't want to get this deal you would want to get sober but just how did you want to have to call you the door that there is just that simple we we we weren't here to listen to your stuff we were here to help you find dot com is a cooking anonymous is not self help program it's a spiritual program whereby we work a few steps and get connected to a power greater than our so called got at that point the desire to smoke crack cocaine leaves us and at that point the desire to drink leaves us

and for some of you people I think it takes forever and I've heard some of that here lately it does not

it is not the book presents instead leave you just like that the problem be removed

and at that point okay let me you hear me and then you go out smoke cigarettes you recover you recover from alcoholism and drug addiction you recover I hear people let me go to I recovering from what you've finished you've got him a minute and then you'll recover and then you can get on down the road

I was in the

I'd love to be in the coffee shop and not you know little pond won't listen to this **** whatever what some of which you were wound up

I I was in the food business as a as a young adult and and not typically because I like to cook but because they let me drink on the job and that

and I was quite successful in the food business and I'm suffering from a thing called a spiritual malady and irritable restless and discontent I'm happy camper and alcohol's levy eight fat and

up until about nineteen seventy nine and I'm start having trouble with alcohol and a friend of mine a merchant marine I need to be out of town one basically she gotta try this yet you had to try this and see what what you what you got and he said man this is some cocaine

let's go you know your

let me tell you the difference because I hear people all the time drugs and alcohol are the same

I did a little bumpy food that nonsense and that's not got a court appearance at my pick up truck for about an hour

listen and I went home

and I got my telescope in my stereo

and my little black and white television and I went to the pawn shop and I sold everything I had and I went and bought some more

I never it with alcohol you this stuff took me to a place and and and it was just a spiraling descent into hell from that point and everything that that I would never end up doing I ended up doing yup all I'm saying it took to to to do it bring me to my knees I can promise you but I got taken to my knees

in nineteen eighty two I'm up in North Texas I'm trying to get sober and

hi I'm just crazy folks I just I knew that I had a problem when I was somebody I watched some of the young adults pick it up

brings tonight and I

I just knew when I was very good I had a problem but I I I just I couldn't stop you know I I I I just couldn't and

but in eighty two about nineteen eighty I I'm fixing to lose a wife and I've been on and I've lost a couple of businesses around cocaine and and

you know the rest of business cash flow is great you know it's really easy to reach in there and you know it boom in your instant I'm in trouble and I walk into this meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous up in North Texas and I told a story about a topic on every type of ever done and I and I need to tell it to you not please I'm not up here to take any

yeah I am I'm think to take a bunch of people to mentor you know because you know I walked into this meeting and

any money and and I can't go to treatment and I can't you know I've I've done counseling for years I've done therapy I've done psychiatry I've done everything in the world I've been diagnosed with every kind of manic depressive disorder I I'm I I'm depressed it's hello I'm suicidal you know they said have you ever talked with you hello yes I I would you know what

well if you ever pointed out what

yes I would you you know I'm not I'm not in that and I I walk into this meeting and I and I want to get some help and I could get on on the wind and the Indian I not take my wife and I want to blind the guy who's watching the kid is it but did did you not I got to go get some over part of both

I walked into the meeting

and the meeting starts out I don't know how they do a lot here in errors on I've just been some great means that been here but but a tech is we start out with discussion meetings every damn way we started out with who's got the problem

huh well I've had a problem I'm addicted to some not not contacts and maybe getting drugs and I'm addicted to alcohol at the my **** and I'm fixing to lose I got some problem forget my hand up there's a nice little guy over in the in in the age of the roof well I got a problem yes G. me because he's with the treatment center you know and Jimmy you know he went out and bought this poster I remember it like it was yesterday he bought this damn poster poster but he bought it anyway so

so we're gonna we're gonna say oh well so she was having trouble shopping so we're going to talk about it they got but I'm telling you wanted on the garden roof detoxing you know I'm coming apart at the seams yeah I'm looking at the wall here the steps and there's a division I know I'm in a meeting we're going to talk about shopping and an isolated they start around the room I used to do that you know let me tell you how you know on and then and then and I just

I can anybody gonna get around to the alcoholic and separate in a room

I got my feelings hurt I climb up my work out of them aren't

problems

couple weeks later I go back yeah we tried again you know like we like go to a different meeting

prescriber here I've got a new comer here you know he's he's a first time here let's let's let's talk about how we got here

yeah I don't see because not what I want to hear is can you get sober you know can you really wake up in the morning and not crack a beer can you wake up and you said you know that you're there by six o'clock tonight you're not gonna have a a snowfield busted you know did can anybody give me some hope here no we're gonna start raining go rent rooms start

I'll get through this you know if I starts be getting done from here don't worry about

I've done it from the podium I'm passion about this I just you know because nor in the book does it talk about pissing and moaning or or war stories

Matt and we go around we start on one side of route everybody says well this is how I got here you know what I had to DO the I. the bottomline well that's really not something you're thinking well you know I've never had a DWI check

or you know I've been developing a gentry and I loved it and I don't I'm not sure check I've never been a better pitch black it out I've been this not wreck fifteen car whenever wrecked car my life everything check I don't smoke I own a business I got a house in my damn bill the problem is I'm dying inside I've got a disease called alcoholism and drug addiction I have a physical allergy a minute session

to multi kill myself unless I can get some relief

are we gonna talk about that with the literature talked about how we know we're not gonna talk about that we got the more stories to tell you the garbage and I listen to until I couldn't stand anymore that thank you very much I'm not what are you I'm out of here and that's what we can't keep the young adults and these fellowships today because there's too many people here in their war stories

the box we Cher in a general way what used to be like what it's like what happened now you know what the book fair

it just blows me out of the water you know this deal but I did have a patient Tony picked me up at the airport

don't get scared but he's going to be okay you know because like I told him or you can leave early in the

only picked me up at the airport and we sit and talk for a few minutes in the process of driving across this gorgeous city he asked me a few questions about my drinking drugging career and I ask you a few about his week we kind of identify a little bit it took maybe ten minutes of conversation and we were down the road and we spent the rest of the weekend one of the most pleasant we cannot ever had truly rock cotton talk about art talk about music talking about literature if

didn't take much to figure out where we were on we got on the same page she is a common solution that holds together folks are common problem okay you're an addict why is it that you feel necessary to tell me how much cocaine you need how much what do you feel it necessary talk to me about how much here when you shop what gives a **** how much do you know totally okay here's

what are we going to get to the good stuff what are we gonna talk about how

the book by twenty four is a great line

at all certain consequences that follow even taking a glass of beer you'll get a crowd on my to the traverse what if you don't remember the last little bit of trouble we were in what makes you think the attic if it make you gonna remember when your ****

what are we trying to do

well the young guys I want to scare them into recovery give me a break

yeah we don't scare anybody either coverage there's no chapter in the back of this book called in to scare

there's a chapter in the back of the book called a vision for you and that's our responsibility it's older members of cooking anonymous and Alcoholics Anonymous pulled a new comer with a vision

but the responsibility and the problem with our fellowship today thanks to I'll just go and jump out there absolute piss poor sponsorship the problem with those today if we don't have enough people out there doing it we got too many people sit around a prep you piss and moan about the problems and talk about the stupid war stories and barely staying sober

and then when they relapse everybody looks around check visit done thing I guess just when it's time to get sober

when we do we have to start taking some responsibility for our fellowship maybe they didn't get the kind of sponsorship you got

maybe they didn't ever get a chance to work the step

both going to meetings I got to keep you sober you can go to just drive me crazy so from this old school we're talking about it leading makers make it

no leading makers don't make it let me tell you what happened meeting makers make it right to the point that the spiritual malady returns in the middle of the session ticket again and then we go to the dope half

yeah the people that work the steps and have a spiritual experience they're the ones that make it

on page twenty five there's a little light it says the great back to justice and nothing left we've had deep ineffective spiritual experiences which have revolutionized the whole attitude towards like toward a thousand towards got universe the certain fact my life today the absolute certainty that I creators entered into our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed miraculous

his comments to accomplish those things for us which we could never do by ourselves

you know folks I want to talk about this real quick we move on some other stuff this piss and moan and stuff and means it's got to stop this is I'm telling you again I'm not here to crew to fix what's wrong with you if I had the power to even

if I could affect me I had it done it years ago would not

nine six it's great yeah we could stand up here what is people bring up their T. V. I mean is it because everyone else I've done it I'm guilty to doing it I'm having a bad day

how nice for you

you know what you're sober today aren't you huh you went over for a couple days huh well this little bit sitting behind you is today still reeking of the pipe he is not okay today why don't we talk about him today and talk about him and pull him with a vision talk about god the steps and maybe your shouldn't go away you see that's the principle that the fellowship with built on what are called like work with another one cook at work with another cook at and we pulled with a vision and while I'm doing that everything else is being taken care of back over here you see I can't fix what's wrong with me it says god can't operate one hundred so no matter what your printer circumstances you're gonna get taken to a different place if you will but submit to certain certain rules in the program to the god damn work and sure that information with a new cover the most the most foremost thing on every addict's mind in here already going who can I help tonight

and when you do that I believe it either

that's why I couldn't take over for eight years I can't walk into the meetings and getting pissed off because you couldn't help me with my divorce you couldn't help me with right and you couldn't help me would get a job you couldn't that's not our job that's not our place our place here is to help you get connected with got

god can and will if you were sought the last place they just read it today how it works let god do it got done get the hell out of the way that's what it's about I don't I don't apologize I saw like a pre trip here would you just sit around with those people I what you guys worked you know I just watched

I want to crack and it's coming especially the women they can't look you in the face and or so rid with shame and they've got so much **** going on all the going guilt and all the stuff that goes on in the guys come in they spent fortunes they can't let the families in the pipe the got this they've just I mean I don't live up

and then they walk into the fellowship and we try to talking through it by giving advice about what to do

we're wasting their time wasting their time wasting their time we need to get you connected to your people in meetings all the time well take your time easy does it think think think

let's make sure those are not on the wall in here

through more than one of America don't you see because we need to get for it was one of the books that

what is the books like books I think the solution with the desperation of a drowning man you see people are talking about that it's not a race let me tell you this you have to get a crack addict whose home of a pipe he comes in he wants to get sober and those damn good well he's going to go out after the meeting and smoke and tell me that it's not a god damn right it is a race unless that obsession is removed from you you're gonna go use again we do not have time to screw around with this business

if you need a good therapist god's going to put you in one if you need a good spot to god gonna put one in your face but we need we need to make our our fellowships conducive to that kind of talk when you walk in the room you need to know what we're going to talk about the steps

I don't know about me scheduled in Phoenix Texas I've heard some great A. A. N. C. A. here since I've been here this week I gotta tell you this in Texas alone in Austin Texas there's over five hundred a a meetings in Austin Texas

thirty of those are our literature based meeting

a lot of four hundred seventy or discussion me we're discussing the death

if you want to talk to someone about your divorce when we're not in time you got four hundred seventy chance to do it in a week what do you want the truth

but if you wanna talk bout the literature if you want to talk about literature

I just need to get this out of the way I need to get this out away

a kind of a couple things on

break years I couldn't get sober because I wouldn't understand the fact that

hi it says that I paid sixty two

selfishness and self centeredness that we think is the root of our troubles

see I don't sell percent image in the world

and I don't care if you're trying to detox my meeting and I don't care if you're trying to get sober G. to understand it I'm having difficulty

with my new baby sitter

and you should really appreciate the fact that my P. O. and may or not have a very good time together

and we need to really chat about that

and then the bleeding heart liberal come up here up to the media type of course you need to understand if they bring that problem meeting and they don't talk about it they're going to go drink you need to hear this they're going to go drink anyway do not working with other addicts are not working with

or so of course if they don't use that excuse to drink to go find another excuse to drink

we were here for the new cover we're still hurting when you work with another alcoholic and addict you get out of yourself and allow god to take care of the problem folks this spiritual stop here and this is what this thing is about

the absolute

absolutely Eric it's of me the absolute elegance of me to think that I could come into one of your recovery meetings and talk about my bullshit do you need to talk about it yes why don't you come early in the meeting and we'll sit down have a Cup of coffee and talk about that what you stay later and we'll come talk about it why don't you come to a good outpatient facility in but once you get to good therapist a good counsel what you go talk to clergymen well

me and my family meeting in my copay anonymous meeting we're trying to talk about god

what is it so great about your problem

I feel compelled to come

if you paid any of the offices I'm just telling you both do some you've got tickets like deer in the headlights

do you believe in like that you need to talk to somebody in the bank before it say of what we are the fellowship of people pissing and moaning

comments here

you didn't say that what does it say first empire stuff out stick with me for just like what does it say the the books they got going to remove my difficulties

I'm not gonna get emotional

let me tell you folks got said he's gonna remove your difficulty so that victory over those difficulties can bear witness to god's power that's what it says this is not short I just tell you we're talking about a tangible power god is real power out of it you'll be connected to relieve you of your

but you got to do some things to get there you can't just do it by osmosis that's what we got so many people died in the fellowship I think what's going to happen would happen to him but it didn't happen here

that's why we work

you can put it anywhere you want to book you can anyway you want to it's the the people that do the work to get the results

why why is it that a woman to leave my treatment facility who's been so brutally brutally sexually abused it's not even funny but every issue known to man and she could walk off campus to get sober and stay sober and why is it that the woman that lived at three hundred thousand dollar home in Plano Texas really Lincoln town car can't breathe the sober breath two days after she walked off campus why because the one it was molested would work friggin meeting that night after she left pretty but she got a sponsor and she started on the spiritual path the rest of us had to get onto you follow me just that simple she started doing the work she got so got to the pastor problem everybody wants to it's not that simple no it's not that simple

you have done the work anyway what are you talking about

but we actually come up I mean usually we get down and and and I always have a nice woman or man because it because you don't understand you know many of us have other issues that we're dealing with and we have a poverty and we have we have all this but pusing and my I'm yeah

we have Vietnam and yeah

and I go back and always that data and I got a little bit can you

for this takes going to travel I can tell you that

but I'm listening yeah okay and you're telling me all this and you know and I I understand you're hurt I understand you would interview clinician you you've finally stop puking on me and you just

we don't know if that will happen okay now let me ask you one simple question I want to ask you one simple question back in rebel I understand you've got all the things going on let me ask you one simple question

as a responsible member of Alcoholics Anonymous prochan anonymous I have this is my job to ask you this question

have you start on the title page of his books were it says that you can recover from this yet and if you go on up to page one sixty four that everything it asked you to do in between done the pre inventory that ask you to do did the Thursday prior made all your god damn I mean it's not just the ones you were comfortable with and I don't want to hear anything and I don't hear anything about this leaving a man she had none of that stuff you know as a means

you know I I I'm making a living a man you know the lady that I stole the B. C. R. from the box okay you know she don't want to know but I'm not stealing any more V. C. R. she wants her **** VCR back

here's here's the money I owe you that's it got cold in a minute now now we we're going to make you try to do the best you can do it and I'm I have this cat are you doing everything we ask you to do that let me ask you this have you worked all the steps or you Kerry this message backed up how much are you going to meetings not to see what you can take from the meeting but what you can get to the meeting are you there to make it right the meeting is going down the toilet was somebody monolog in it in there are you want to stay with it Hey buddy once you shut your mouth for a minute let somebody else are you are you being responsible

right here you actually be responsible you doing with the book after doing a hundred sixty four pages

well

well you know I I'm working my problem to the best of my ability

hello nobody I ask you yes or no questions what is it without looking at it you can't give me a yes or no answer to yes or no question I asked you if you were working the steps to do what the book is to do the four hundred sixty four pages are you all right you

well well I guess not

what do you want IT won't work but you won't do it

how do you know it's like she won't go out with me she will go out with me

well no but she won't go out

well you got to wait for the order you know

the people that are doing the work folks are getting results you just got to see what yeah hi I I what's the people come through and in the in the facility and and my job is to call them when they leave the facility in and out and I monitor and watch we see it and what happened to the people to get connected to the fellowship of cocaine anonymous and I a and you know they're staying sober taking but I don't give a **** about their circumstances they're staying sober god's taking him to a different part of the people that are not just not it's just I

one treatment center after another after another treatment center I thought what the **** you looking we want we want for something new something new it's about god that's it will you get connected to the power or not

would you get connected or not it's not about your issues

issue today

issue today all of us have got problems both see what god can do nineteen eighty seven after the suicide attempt I'm so depressed I just I just wanna scream

and I tried taking overdose of pills and alcohol and and I aborted attempt and I ended up back in a a the next day and the cats all current books and they're all talking to me about the steps they're all talk to me about the deal

I got a sponsor that night and he started working with you the steps you mean you didn't wait six months before you started your so how could you do a thorough inventory see the book in my book says do it now it was worth a damn steps in a week he was on a seven six seven date Intel's hospital detoxing twenty had is one very spiritual experience he was already working on it for step when he had a barn brings personal experience doctor Bob took a little less than two weeks to do

the co founders of guarding fellowship they don't last a month

but but sign just take your

I'm telling you gonna get two weeks ago in San Antonio Texas I said the beagle club down there that's about this many people in the room and it goes back for newcomers there's no time for the nurses well you know my sponsor said you know that we're going to we're going to have to read about a lot and so

I'm just gonna be working one step here and then we're going to make sure

okay but we show here in our meetings all the time so so what you're telling me as a result of working the steps you're gonna have a spiritual experience really twelve years to have your spiritual experience

because that may be great but somebody's got to go out holic thank him I don't know but I'm telling you

don't you

only for the crack addict to the real real doping we don't have twelve years to have a spiritual experience we may have a few hours we may have a few days of god's grace at that point we need to be out there being responsible kicking but taking nine

I'm praying that some of you will get irritated enough with it to get update center and get a sponsor and start doing the work I well I get to speak around Texas so much and I and I and I I've constantly coming across with with people come up to me and they they want to say well you know Chris I

you're always talking about the power and you're always so passionate but you know I just don't think I've had that spiritual experience or you know

and I have to just tell straight you know you you haven't you know yeah

I mean I don't want to go there but I mean I mean I'm not thinking about

if you ask me if you have a special experience or not you know you haven't had it what is it like

Craig what have a graphic illustration here would you would you like

so in this light socket using

you're going to get a great just lipstick but he's not you know what do you think but usually

if if cricket done that let's say you break it down that you come up or stuck his neck he's talking is like talking you know it would have been a good deal you know you know and he's been walking around looking to screw this thing back on