Don P. from Denver, CO speaking in Santa Monica, CA

Colorado

and a man named Matt you're from Canada

top of that international

and he talked about

it is being in Canada with a lot of men couldn't stay sober and they all wanted Max to be their sponsor

and he didn't think he could sponsor a buddy but he thought that maybe they could meet at a time when no one else would come and they could go through the steps together as a group

and that idea caught on in Denver a lot of people were in workshops and a lot of people did workshops my sponsor was one of those men that did workshops in Denver and

they found people that couldn't stay sober stands over

because they were having a good experience

and about two years ago I moved here to speak to Santa Monica and a friend of mine is here tonight L.

ask me about this this site this workshop idea

and twenty of us got together two years ago

I think last month

and we went through the steps together as a group and I I believe we started with about twenty four and we ended with about eighteen and

as a result of that when that finished they decided they wanted to do regular meetings

and they kind of were interested in ten eleven and twelve because they had just gone through the first nine steps and this little group started down the basement here with about fifteen or twenty people

that group is doubled in size in a year and it's become a very effective group

several of the people that were in that workshop two years ago it here tonight

since then several workshops have sprung up from them to my knowledge there's about twenty workshops now the Los Angeles area including Orange County

there's people here tonight from Orange County

there's people here tonight from from all over Los Angeles that are involved in the workshop process

I know that six years ago when I was in one hand and going through the process with with with the man it's gonna speak tonight save my life and

even feel a part of what's going on to to think that that small workshop two years ago and somehow in the in the airway

touch everyone in this room either directly or indirectly is is is I guess what alcoholics is anonymous is all about

it's it's kind of overwhelming to me to be in a room and in in in southern California from only been here two years and and knowing this many people knowing most of the I mean that's just overwhelming to me six years ago nobody wanted

and several of you care about anything you care about each other M. and we're here to join in a common solution that I don't find all the time in a couple weeks ago which

so without further ado I'd like I'd like to introduce our speaker from Denver Colorado down

my name is don I am at all

it's gonna be interesting my heart is so full I don't know if I could talk to

I

the last month and a half prevention things just fill me beyond belief

six days knowledge celebrated a birthday

and I'm among friends and I don't

as you get to be the recipient of the

all the stuff I don't have a chance to talk about more about what's been happening all still together

I just returned from a week

meeting with people from thirty different countries Alcoholics Anonymous spending an entire week talking about how we can better carry the message

that I got to go much sponsors small friends with Denver young people's groups are talking for the weekend right now we spent seventeen days

talk about off of all of us to the

so it's like being in a in nineteen thirty five

I am an alcoholic

and I belong here

where's the first place and I haven't logged in on this one

when I got here I I feel different strains

and my sponsors as well as for your different restaurants

but I've been feeling that way for a long time and somewhere along the way

she's a little bit

the first time in two days okay the man was okay for you to be you

but it is in my nature of one work should take ten

if it's worth doing it's worth using

I don't know

I

I drank alcohol ugly for my very first right I don't have the vaguest idea what control drinking is I never really tried

I try to get control of my feelings my mind in my life

but I don't understand control room

caters

I didn't like throwing up

but that's the price you pay for every month

for

I've been doing a lot of thinking this week as it happens as you come up on your birthday week

if you look back and remember what it was like

Christmas week of nineteen sixty seven was a ****

I weighed a hundred and thirty three phones

I lived in a real dingy

basement apartment with my two little boys

we pay forty five dollars a month rent from the old lady you own the place their cats

her voice was quite a quite a lot of

I was on federal parole for a little indiscretion committed nineteen sixty six

I was in trouble

this time I was in the kind of trouble

that ends with either doesn't surprise me I was finally in the kind of trouble could explain away

I was beginning that week to finally become aware of the fact that all my dreams were they were never ever going to happen

the stuff I had in mind for me as I grew up watching

my people have

I was finally willing not willing I was finally forced into whatever

friend of mine is to tell your your cook

how

unable to do anything about the circumstances of my life

I'm not able to quit

unable to be honest enough to quit

I was also at that time

putting an awful lot of effort to make Kerr

I don't belong to any debating society of alcoholic

I use a lot of they always talk about that later we'll talk about

but I'm an alcoholic and finally hit the ball

I've been living on the bottom for about three and a half years I had reached a place where I couldn't couldn't knew I could never be say you know I had this obsession with being

the best

give me the bathroom floor

my brother was playing musical stand captain when he was nineteen I picked up the trumpet you couldn't do that so I quit

it was that way with anything

Christmas week in nineteen sixty seven I got a look at dawn for exactly who don was

better

well

I

I don't want to belabor the point

but I gotta tell you a couple things that happened today that week that's why I'm here today I'm not the first requirement of recovery

the first requirement of stepping on any spiritual path is a recognition of the fact that they don't know much

I can't do

not anymore

I look at the things were going on and looked at our park

I'd like to roll

look at what we were eating

I couldn't get out of bed that we can tell my connections out there to give me a fix for the get up and go out to steal whatever we needed to get all the rest of the day I have always prided myself but I've never turned on your feet

I'm one of the people that came out of work six six

screaming out or there's no there's no burnouts in the hall

strong always asked and all over the place doing my best to destroy this planet so

yeah I didn't have the strength to do that

but I have never turned on

my connection was sixteen years old I had turn Amman is using for other

I saw that finally

our Christmas tree was an alcoholic more

we got it for a dollar this

we found a dollar in the snow

and the tree was the biggest one I had on the lot it didn't fit the room don't talk when I get

what got me I had an average of million for him to come

but in hospitals today you're not supposed to get your Christmas tree with all your findings and all

the only true Christmas presents for children have some stuff I've got on credit

because we were on welfare check and found

so we had a pair of cowboy boots and a cowboy shirt wrapped up a little more

the kids are taking everything in the house of representatives were very Patel

so I have a decent Christmas

some more maybe broke

yeah

is that real

you are going to

a lot of things have happened that week with the killer came thank god

on Christmas day when the boys and I went down to my folks place so we could spend Christmas day with

my dad notices the door and said I'm sorry but your brother says I can't let you anymore

she can't stand watching it die

for the first time in my life

I saw what I've been doing a lot of people

finally saw

and then made a liar out of my last big

right well I used to scream off nobody cares with a we will design her anybody else because nobody else cares

but he's not in the house anyway because you love this

and I saw that

I saw what I've been doing my children

I don't know why they were kept giving them back to me what they did

we live in a crash has

all right thank you that hiding out in an attic Hells Angels downstairs to protect your life

and for them I was still some damn fool tell my kids about school we want to go

right if they

I saw what I'd been doing to them

when I went home

I ended up buying the G. I believe all alcoholics must through eventually

I've reached a place where I couldn't stand being me one more minute

over the came wanting to do anything anybody said I'm going to anymore anybody says and I didn't have to be me anymore I know it's nobody left to tell me where to go or what to do

so I met the first requirement of recovery I quit

I took a few months of what is option for tomorrow

right there in the household was going on

and I don't know about this appointment

when I woke up in the morning

the place worth it or not I knew I wasn't there

yeah that sounds great for when it was

but it's a grand place to be if you have the ongoing

what place of complete failure living on a complete failure sign

you just automatically do what's next

what's next will go to jail

I have set myself off that week because I really was tired and I really needed rest

and six months in the county jail for people my conditions his arrest

some people in this room are three

I know that

so let me tell you how to get through county jails get back to

I love you for ten minutes you lie to me for ten minutes we're going to turn around

that is why they were there this time they had nine charges the first vehicle for three years to live

whatever day promise me that if I beat him on that one he bring the rest water time

but I was through I don't care I really didn't care

I talk about this because it's important for me to talk to you about the power of god as I understand it

I want to talk about prisons I don't want anybody here think of the big time gangster I'm not big time gangsters never get there three of

well they took me away

five months later one trial they came they call me on I just don't remember this is the you are really sick

I don't think there's a better

we have made an arrangement where your parole officer they said with the federal judge in with the state

if you plead guilty to a reduced charge will send you down to Texas for work

for you to get fixed

choosing to help me make that decision I was wondering whatever anybody says

I have been quite five months the oncology go days about three and a half hours ago desperate rage and I knew if you put me in a hospital with doctors and books on the on the street six months

they do something

that works with tell me what was wrong

about how long it was gonna take to fix that

and all the symptoms I would have to present to them on a certain time table to convention when I was getting better

I played that game since I was a little kid

I know that one

well I took thirty

and I kept the remark I pled guilty to a reduced charge they gave me a year and a half of penitentiary suspended for me over the fence is already agreed to accept

five days later on the cars transaction

because the federal mantle last

so there's no hope for this one anyway this is getting off the screen

I think that was the direct intervention of god in my life

because I've gone to a federal hospital and I to be here all day

three to six months some hot

orders

to this day I believe I'll be locked away so I'm not I don't think this is an option for me

I tried it didn't work

what's left for me of madness

but I have surrendered I said I can't do that

very crudely but I've said that

with my heart

so I was sent to the place where I could hear the message that I needed to hear

I'm one of those people avoid your alcoholic this is your first meeting this is where you are supposed to be here what you need here to get you back to another meeting tomorrow or you can hear what we have this to say until you can finally hear what we have to say

my third week in the fish tank cars they found a Jeffrey

the manager said one afternoon you guys will come down and you will listen

I don't have a whole lot else to bring

this came down with the rest of us they had three guys in there with green

sure the numbers are just one got up and I said my name's off

and I'm an alcoholic that means I'm part of the overall and drugs and guard all of the other search engines in my life my life has become unmanageable it is marked as the store manager was looking to reward the state just gave you the job

I heard about the option

that's a miracle but I heard

they also said some other nifty stuff like your very best thank you

got to manage that you're not doing something on a

then they told us the most important thing I have ever heard and if you're new here tonight this is it

if you are I'll call you don't ever have to drink alcohol

you don't have to hurt like you've been hurting ever again

we don't promise you a pain free life which you don't ever have to drink alcohol

you know I didn't know that

my experience was yes I do

well they offered us this little video

on Saturday afternoon and Sunday you get a movie in your fridge

and that's about it

if we would give up our yard in movie privileges and come to their twelve step study school every Saturday and every Sunday afternoon for five weeks we give them become a member of the office always moms group then on Friday night

well my friend Jim and I decided we wanted to go

so I was in a bar raiser prepping at present

product three

it's even gonna jail

but I knew that about a year and a half three years somewhere in there they were gonna put me back on the streets

I didn't have the slightest idea there

and I didn't want to do what I've been doing it ever again

the general one to the Los

yeah I got it is the sponsorship

fine

general understand

we sat down one of the three guys in that room said you know guys for the next five weeks you have nothing to say

if you know anything at all here is

and they began to do the things

but Alcoholics Anonymous does if you're really in Alcoholics Anonymous

they very specifically told us what was wrong was

and very specifically told us what to do about that

yeah

they answered the big question for me all of my life I've been running around asking anybody who listens to me what's wrong with me

and I got confuse because everybody I ask

in this book

are some descriptions of alcoholics

but I love this book by the way for a couple reasons one of them

is that almost everything of any value in this book came to us from non alcohol

the only thing we do well is

the message we don't know enough the

I

one of these non alcoholic the medical doctors who described in detail while I went to the penitentiary when I was nineteen years old

in terms I can understand

one of the centers my off all those amazing when I started drinking I get lost and I can't find my way home

there's a federal law against that when you're in the navy

I was stationed down here

Long Beach

they kept giving me these twenty four are expected me to get back and I wanted to get back

I love the name

but I can't seem to get back

fifteen twenty minutes later in our life

captain's mast was just part of being there I think it

one time I was twenty three days

when I got home it was the third

three three

at that time it was issued

I was in real trouble

don't get me out of prison forever was the guy ran with was smarter than any of us he got us a pan am's clipper

to Japan we met the ship

save this

some of the trouble

Dr self worth and my sponsors describe my condition that may or that period of time in a way I can understand

I want to preserve rock all

I want to leave and I started drinking

at twenty two days later I was in Pershing square which is Frank's quarters food and doing whatever I have to do to stay out there until I found it I haven't found it yet

it was their idea was there

on day twenty three that madness was gone

that I turn myself in like any other rational moving and went back to face the consequences of my

can you describe that in here he talks about a man who had been working on a business deal for first time it will be several favorable

it took a direct compared to before their appointment maybe next year one

there are

I want to present because I have an allergy

if I had an allergy to tomatoes tomatoes I break I wouldn't

while the whole

if I put off all my body I break out within his age for more I'll call

he

I have lost the power of choice

and it has nothing to do with whether I love my family

it has nothing to do with whether a lot of my work or even myself it has to do with the fact that once I put off all of my body for whatever the reason I was there more often

until I don't have to have more

I don't know that's gonna be two hours two weeks two months two years or a lifetime I just can't predict it anymore

ing out of control means you can't predict your behavior

get rid of all

thank god it was good I don't tell me I was sick with all my heart was specifically that is my reaction off all the you know what that's not your

there is nothing to this day you can change that

I promise you something from today's viewpoint if they come up with something that would allow me to drink you can have my share

what I was gonna do that tell me what was wrong with me until I said now

if you never take another right that'll never happen again

that only happens after the first

so if you don't take the first drink will develop cravings and do the things you do have to

your last question what's wrong with me then

I've got a lifetime of that kind of experience

why do I keep taking it right

well I don't know where to

I can say

we knew that one of the reasons I was not

is certified by one government agencies a psychopath I don't know there is a sociopath type two

yeah

and the reason I didn't go to the hospital and home is because both of those are untreatable

one doesn't know the difference between right and wrong so you can't help

the other knows the differences just doesn't give a damn

well

you guys tell me I have this third terminal untreatable disease

driving matter killed

thanks

first

the problem my real problem centers in my mind

I can describe it to you in a couple ways and will

I suffer from alcoholic insanity

and that's characterized by a couple things

it'll be different next time

it was a chilling

if I don't have a drink of water supply

I've heard this one

the main reason I drank alcohol

well of the several hundred I drive to feel

right I feel smaller

I dragged me notes I'd like to be invisible

Iraq real good

I tried to stop a bad

the horror of alcoholism was affected quite often right from no damn good reason all

there's a piece missing

it's not there

my neighbor has a

my neighbor owns far east side story

we were talking a few years ago

and this lovely man describing life

terrible

it seems you got wrong

and he threw up and made a fool so

so we could do

a nervous

our experience was identical

it was a night I drank too much alcohol

you

there's a difference

I made a fool of myself

and what I did with that was learned what didn't make

I got to enjoy their damn fool

one neighbor remembers what happened to him and how it made him feel

to this day strong enough that he doesn't want to do that again that's what's missing in the

there are times I can't remember

the information show up wearing a black lab puppy awhile back zero point

came into my house what on the four

so I popped in the paper last through the

the next day came anyone on the floor October through March after about five days the public what working on the floor

I was sitting in my chair rock Dr

that dog is smarter

the house on the floor

next

he's able to learn from his negative experiences when it came to alcohol and number of a

I could

and I believe to this day

there have been and will be blank spots all of the information that I have concerning alcoholism alcohol Alcoholics Anonymous steps physicians blah blah blah Wall show

or if they do they won't show up kind of intensity only stays over I believe that so I don't count on that

in my six years of riding I had an experience that brought this home

I was not working in the reformatory

I'm not the only

they put me to work on the walls once a week I come into town to meet with the chief of police and my bosses and

got it was heady stuff

Denver chief one time gave me a

always something would just check for me that he said on you know I couldn't figure out of a one day

I thought that was nice I had enough sense not to mention to him that that's academic too because I don't show up today

but during his lunch

one of the guys in front of new recruit

impetus to funny

it came up tall skinny glass it was great

there wasn't nothing anybody good

he was passing around so everyone could taste

everything I know showed up

it was there my defenses were there I would like that I knew I was going to recommend a wireless is going to be

okay mommy I thought what a small black

sniffing it

one of the first into my mind difference between life and death that moment would be the twitch of the muscle group

that's our services as far as

and then got it is that I can honor that because I stepped out of my body wash my hands that

you know I have a scheduling reasons

if it's great it doesn't get near Mombasa

but I believe this disease that Sir

love to all the vices

how to twist

so what

I'm really in a spot I know I can't I but I don't believe in anything else

well I'm here today because I use my eyes and my ears are still miles

hi there's only one thing I wanted when I got involved in a and whoever had offered to me that's where I'd be you just have to offer

I wanted to be changed

that's the promise that shows up with the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous first thing

and that's not all our doctors description of us he also describes our recovery he says without an entire psyche changes very little

that's a promise to me

my sponsors put it in simpler terms don you get a new mine

gosh that nice

they said to me because I was really worried about second stuff about this business Saturday and Sunday I really thought I had to spend the rest of my life trying to sort out what I had already failed for years to sort of

I said that is what we do here don't worry about it

what's wrong with me is off all of the

he said the most important work fearing members were restored he said god knows all the people are always a raving maniac

he will restore you to when you were saying you got to start all over

he also said we will assume that you were mad about three seconds after birth

gave me a key

we suggest that you forget everything you think you know about anything

a clear box virtual

one of my sponsor said may god don't think she's going to work for you

he described my mind I take care of my ego cats from

hi I can use that later

I catch the edge with that I've always found the best way to catch the eye drops straight through

for some moderate version of

forget everything you think you know about anything start

I believe it was warped

having trouble with it

our

I found out so

even if you had told me the truth by the time I got around using the troops and

so I am totally parts of your body goes mad with alcohol

for the minus man up to give it to

I don't know why I don't know where

yeah I came here to be changed so I looked around

I'm looking for change

and here's Bruce

it was an apparent gesture for the rest of his natural life because one morning he woke up feeling like nobody cares

and the pain of that was a great president right to kill the pain which is always have before on this morning seventeen years of age it didn't kill the pain got involved

the pain got so bad he got into racing without time to kill some people

but the man I was talking to me was not capable of killing anybody

and I know that

I ask about that he said that's right I've been changed god changed

I didn't care who changed

he was a walking demonstration that he had been changed

one of those is a stick up man it was no longer capable of putting a gun to people's faces and taking the stuff from

I ask about that

he had been changed god

I don't care

let's get interested

they have some things I want in addition to that I'm very practical

just got in and out of his cell phone and tell me what to do

I knew that because what I did and he combined visit with

I want to

he came to me one day

for ever more

he said to me not only you know that it's possible for me to say one thought at a time

they had me

whatever else is here what are the prices all paid

that's what I want the ability to sing one time I become everybody had ever met all too often once it was noise here

I want to know how to do that

well they said god did that for them and that I would

tomorrow all my life if you're not

so I did go back to myself I took a third step prayers

worst experience of my entire life

it goes movement rocks this room on

god drops out of the closet

I said that for absolutely nothing at

somehow what I thought was going to happen the room was filled life

five calls would go for the green light

spring all

the captain would come down and say we don't need you anymore you can call

I didn't feel it was ordered spring mostly green and I got terrified

I've learned by the end of your sponsor jobs you do something you do it if you don't get the results was like you want to go but yeah

I did

because I was scared to death

I told him that I did not have this experience

they said tell me a little

that's a step up in the morning hours thirty nine eighty four

now I'm done your name

the number you are be grateful you didn't have a flashlight they really killed all your life

we talked I've had some views

southern comfort on operators own spiritual

I've had visions

really failure within Easter ceremonies I had a genuine version

I saw a great bird flying with no have understood that was me in my life hi

four months

so if some of you are considering other means there's one that's good for four months of sobriety

but I need something that's gonna last a lifetime I can't stand in the way

right

well we talked that day he said to me the most loving thing and you've heard today

if you're new it should scare

it goes like this

let's talk about that

let me translate understanding which

that means don be quiet for

all I explain something to you

this guy with surgical precision what would have been very very cruel thing up to the Harlem at

so let's talk about that don we found out I had a reservation

god had his work for major news is good news only I didn't lose because I knew what was going to be

if I truly surrender my life to the care of god I don't know Colfax Broadway Denver handing out what makes

asking strangers on the street and say

I just couldn't see me doing that

he said to make all the calls the guy Kel faction Broadway today had breakfast where he wanted to yeah actually we didn't

he said do you suppose if that man is making a fool of himself under today's warm clothes he picked up

I see the animation for your dog

do you suppose warnings all through

thirty years ago all

I didn't

the greatest well I've ever been shown this man brought me to a state of mind

that hasn't changed simply this this is my life

anything at all god may have in mind for me

it's better than anything at all but IBM

that's all there is to it

my life became none of my business

I got a standard tell you that's not a bad way to lose

let me tell you a couple of things around that

what I read in my life we went to prison

iram alive we

we were told by our loved ones we couldn't come around so I

I could run my life several years ago

I have been places all guarantee you I wouldn't affect

last year in January if I've been running my life probably been freaks

but I was in Winnipeg Canada

some of god's work

I would affect their

it was eighteen below zero

in the lobby of the hotel

the nicest thing they could do for us was to take us out on the street rose forty

let us hang around people want to

they were running the Olympic torch across Canada

I wouldn't think that

we waited and we waited and we waited because they were like

someone in one of Vegas taking a bunch of camels these signs of pain or read from all the candles burning torches for people hang on to

but somewhere down the line we were told it was a lady in a wheelchair with one of the torch bearer stopped in her camp

turn him on so much that he would light candles up and down the street

I used to say people don't care then okay

I got sued I would practice

another place I don't think I would've picked was Moscow in November

the day before thanksgiving in Moscow just a little over three weeks ago

I was sitting in a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous

for they spoke only Russian the group is now one zero

Sasha began to talk

Sasha's five months over