Steps 4, 5, 6 and 7 at the Glasshouse Group in Fort Worth, TX

my name's John all right

have a great day for a year on

so I guess you got a sponsor

you have a sponsor okay well this

what a guy you just met a lot of guys night

but you have one the four nights over

welcome to Vermont yeah

what they said

that makes more sense

sure liver muscle scored Texas for August

we do have California though right LA yeah

apart LA

yeah

you're not down there by making bush in that group

okay good good you're welcome

there is a great you know the I'm glad to be here the the first night we talked about the problem step one identifies the problem

the rock like him in your own life step throughs the solution to that problem step three former general our life over to the care of the solution we found in step two and I

because we're talking about sex tonight as such

I just got to talk about it

no right says the show I used to have a real problem with it

then after coming into a meeting god in my life

I really can't see the section very spiritual action is a sacred holy

is it something that should be shared and enjoyed by the three involved

Terry Hayes that window

they were among

right

no I yeah

given this inventory stuff I and I was in treatment about two weeks

and then read the book so I found out about this inventory and I went to my counselor down I said I need to I might take this inventory

she sold a searching and fearless moral inventory I said yes

so she gives me this

six six pamphlet on how to take that

the fourth step but out of that group of Minnesota

and I want you know I carry that around with me for eighteen months

getting ready to take the force you know so get ready get ready to take these steps we don't just want to take the steps nobody just takes the steps to get ready to take I mean that's rated every step I had to get ready to step one

you have to get ready text now I think if you come up to me as I'm sitting in the bar drunk he said what what are you doing

I doubt I would have said

I'm getting ready to take step one

now that's what we're going to take that step and I have you retake the problem out of the four step was not the four step

I mean I don't mind reading all right right now stuff damn didn't mind at all but I read ahead

I found out after write down you gonna have to have me you don't want me to tell somebody

about it I'm not gonna do that not gonna do that

my time in that stuff nope that's pretty mean god

thank god that my intent to buy that stuff

in fact I I grew up in a very

fundamental religion

I grew up and raised a Mormon and they're all like Catholics yet this confession thing and I thought besides it's gonna work for me they're gonna they're gonna probably to meditate with a Mormon bishop I'm not taken with membership and they will not not not not and so what I thought I would do when I got out of Reno

I thought well I'll find somebody

another Mormon in AA and find out who he took his

fifty step with natural take my first step with asthma sponsor said we we have India

one is in a I

and he said well I said you know we used to have one of them Carson city but he died

so I just continued to get ready to take the four step and I tell you last week I moved to Dallas in eighty three at first the government doesn't sell my sister's place the first week I'm in Dallas she makes me go to church with her she's active in in the church so I went to church with her and I'm not bothered even on the back row not bothered anybody

and this guy comes up and reduces himself to me and he says I understand we have a common friend mutual friend

I thought my sisters on the person I know Texas is my sister he said not she's a friend but I understand your friend of bill W's

yeah

and

wait we chatted briefly environment orders house I couldn't believe it so I got home I start thinking about going to seen Sunday afternoon wait a minute wait a minute

my sister's wrap around me Ryan broadband millimeter this guy told him I'm not going this guy is not real alcoholic

to set up

he's not a real

what's he doing in church

I'm gonna go there he's going to tell me I got to go back to church I do not want to go through I'm going to go back to church she's going to make a go to church to set up I don't like this at all but as if everything go ahead tell my sister and I want a place to live so I one by C. found his house pulled up from his house big house in north Dallas big circular driveway in front of the

cars parked in front

like that

okay not really thank

not letting this non alcoholic so I went rang doorbell he lets me and we've gone back to his

study

and not these things matter to me but as I walked to his house I casually

price all the furnishings

fancy stuff in

he's got a real connotation attending our church I don't want to officially big argument big argument here coming up

and so we said now the first thing he said was John for a start I just want to tell you one thing

the church will keep shopping there keep but it's AA

I have

I agree that

and we chatted with I've got relaxed with desert for forty five minutes later actually my sponsors diamond sponsor today you know and so working the steps he should have you taken inventory I said no I'm getting ready

do that is it registered yes of the limited I've been wondering how bad this fifth step back who you can take the fifth step with I know you can't tell me today that the mortgage but I wanted more bishop Maginn taking them on the ship we know and these women John have you have you finished your fourth

no I'm getting ready to start

and he's

John so what they've done for people like you

they've numbered these

so you don't have to read to add to the fifth step you know the plan who did take the fifth step with tell you right the fourth this is a fact you don't you don't decide who to take away

you're sitting with me here on this side table with another priest you know or a move that you don't decide

you too you're done and then I'll tell you

see the danger is if you decide to take with somebody before you write it

research right you may you may write it to please them

you may not be able to be wanted percent honest but if you don't take it with

you have no idea then you just be honest write everything down

it's always it just right and he said no you know how to do it again I read in the book

you know you get those columns now they trick you don't say

they trick because then that page they only put three com's

if you get that first column there he said you get right everything on your matter I love that I love I can write and make that's a long list of people mad people done wrong institutional long list and then you get that other call

great say what they did create a picture

I like that I can put that down and then the third consultar for

because they're not com is supposed to put you out of here right now what that affected you that

your steam your pocketbook

that's what fear that creatives and that that's a lot harder nobody got their calm down that's that fourth call and the promise you gotta turn the page

they're listed on that thing they get turn the page to find it for comp which is what your responsibility in the dealer's hate that part I don't like that part and I had to do that so he said I'm going home

right on it for you know forty five minutes or so to you intenso struck her in and put it up news right around everyday person and put away

so I go home at night and

I have struck right

five years after that good conduct just couldn't do it but I made a problem I made a mistake

I told him I started

he said it sinuses of how you're forced to come this is the start of my inventory

what on earth you know people don't tell anybody start

because what you're telling them

the starter for them he won't know how you come

you know and you only get so many things you say like how do

working on

I give up come along

a few more things and obviously not done not done you know and and hello one even close you know and so he finally got mad at me after a month or so he said listen Johnny said you know what

I love you

and I think you're great

but he said you know I'm too busy

to mess with somebody's not serious about the program about last month's

so this is if you're not sure about this new scheme sponsor search but if your service by you have room for them

he says I'll tell you what

he said we'd be friends but if you don't have it done this on a Wednesday seizing and have it done by a week

from Saturday ten days we'll have it done and just go get a sponsor but I'm just too busy to mess with the million difference I can sponsor

the business sponsor people are serious

so I wait till Friday night

when

may two pots of coffee you know listed up on I really didn't think about six seven hours regulatory and I got through with that and Saturday morning I was excited I finished my inventory and I call my sponsors you only take this inventory with my first step some of the best you've gone to hell why

I couldn't believe it

they set a date when he was gonna get him

so that I don't know what to do so I don't know anything I just want to meet you know Sunday came up to me and when they came want to work nothing happened nobody said anything but I just felt kind of doll

I just fell flat you know just dealt

and I went to a meeting the Taliban have Fishman Tory went to meeting Tuesday comes

and I'm I'm flat and dull and I'm starting to get restless fear started creeping

none happened over saving

I went to a meeting Wednesday I'm headed in the valley

and it's scary

you wait for that impending doom that fear of impending doom as a shooter crop has dark

and yes confused on what to do by Wednesday hello I can't work I have to go home you know the first thing I do

what I meant when I'm when I'm that way is the worst thing to happen

because what I do is I love to isolate

you know I love it won't stop by twelve pack of diet coke cards cigarettes and hide out

I am calling

I gotta figure out what's wrong with

thank

and the

so I head out all weekend at the house you pick out the drapes known case in the former rain

that's a scale with fat was before caller ID so you're sitting there wondering who the hell's calling

this is a bad deal and so finally Monday came response got home late Sunday or Sunday afternoon I call the Monday morning and I'm not just scared to death bonkers not calm on the phone I sent it to you today

so we met for lunch down at Luby's over on midway in LBJ

and we got our food and went through the line got our food and sat down the table have said English chit chat mouse and I just lost it Mr crime

it was a terrible everyone was real boot you know I couldn't stop

he

people looking at you

guys get fired I guess he's lost his job

my sponsoring look up you know you just say fine let them

now when did you finish your inventory

a week ago Saturday what are supposed to

April fourth edition no wonder you're not

is this the the the book says that among the pollution of the four step we immediately take the fifth we don't wait ten days

you don't need to take away for you let me have a die of done you left me

and he said to see what happens you uncover all that dirt

and all that garbage you brought all that to the surface in right now and inventory now you're sitting there in this in this pool of

thirty one and you need to give it away you're gonna make it that's what you do in the fist up you give all that trash away sure he would be nice if you get a guy to make you know make it twenty four hours

he was right I mean I was a basket case hi so will I take away

and he said well I didn't really matter

if you take it with me or somebody else at the group discussed some time in the program's about have I will share this with you doing your background on a little bit about you I do think it's best if you

take it with a woman bishop

when it came out of the published in the Wall Street journal you know just get a

and another guy so now we got on the phone we found out who it was and calling on the phone

Monday afternoon the main opposing Monday night and then to see it and I can he's a fine man appointed Monday night

and he said my sponsors now he's not in the wider there

to take the twelve and twelve with you before you start having read chapter five out of twelve and twelve well done what you're doing

so I went in there seven o'clock

and he said well

well John I said

okay do for you

before you started reading this

it took about ten minutes to read the fine clothes that is

great he said that's the most since

reason the benefits to confession I've ever read is is that is that while you're here you have something to confess

you know

he said what

then I pulled out my inventory

never seen a written confession

what is that so I just made a few notes

read what I'd written but if you're writing it down I have to decide I'm not gonna tell him this and I'm gonna tell him that what am I going to say I just have to read what I'd written him and

cry a little bit he cried a little bit gives a great employee I'm not an alcoholic by any means and

got through about four or five hours later in

close my book and he says that it is well

there's a few more thing is this formula for babies that you guys

most iconic Scott for okay I just thought not of those at the bottom case we ran out of time

bring it up as I got through the listings here but if you bring your five hours your life family said now let's finish

so I read the four babies and

close up the book and I said well when's Cork

because they're very they don't really

like the stuff I do want to drink

the Mormons don't think much don't think much about what I do when I'm sober okay

but they really don't like what I'm doing right now so they're pretty far out there is serious about and the whole court they try you for your membership this court so I called my book and I said wins court because I know the process once court

his I gotta get back to you

so I give my phone number about a week later his boss called me

and it bounces off Dr bishop and he's talking about this is that I guess we need to get together so I made a point with him

I met with him

took another room towards the whole process in the fifth step with him in two colors upset wins court

I gotta get back to

I know we talked about a few days later he called me up he said courts Thursday next Thursday tell me where to be at seven thirty

so I show up at the place I'm supposed to be at seven thirty on Thursday let's get the performance there fifteen guys in there there's three guys

running the thing Sherin thing then there's six guys over here that represent the church and their attitude about my activities and there's six guys over here

and they're supposed to defend me okay

by walking or these fifteen guys

took another fifty went to the office step with it

and the six guys over here they got a whole bunch of questions

my six guys got nothing to say

what is it you know what I mean it I don't know

can you defend that I mean

in the finance

we need to call a witness to sign do it he's telling us he did

my guys got nothing to say

one of the guys over here says Mrs brother all right they call me brother

his brother all right

you don't seem very repentant

yes I will have a

repentant he said yes you'll seem very pleasant but all this

well

I said I guess if if you want me to tell you what it feels

you know to come home

Rep clock four o'clock in the morning to your wife

and have her is crying wait up for you

because you too are you would never do that again

and you've been out drinking all night chasing strange women drinking and doing whatever you can do to get in trouble and look in their eyes and because you love

you don't want her she's just devastated because you allowed one more time you spend money didn't have one more time

which is what that feels like

okay what that feels like you know what it would feel like come early ten o'clock wondering ten o'clock in the evening journey for me

ten o'clock my little six year old son comes running

because it's his birthday

and their birthday party

and you have a presence in front of your car

and you've left the office early to go home be there by six you know to to go to the birthday party she left for he thought well I'll just stop and have one

stop one

then I'll go home and be their god for the party this the last ten o'clock

and your son looks as his dad what have you been

RT

no matter what that feels like I know exactly what that feels like

through all that self hatred remorse and guilt shame he didn't make it

one more time you can make it

I thank tale about stuff feels

but you know that's not a problem today

okay I said you know it's almost like that stuff happen to someone else a different time

did you know I have done what I was supposed to do

in order for me to stay sober

and whatever you guys have to decide is fine I have already accepted the results of this court not knowing what they are

it doesn't matter what you decide to change a thing I have to do

in order for me to stay sober

some are accepted whatever you decide not knowing the results is messed up no longer hurt me

this court could no longer hurt because I've accepted it

whatever you decide is fine

because I mean do I have to stay sober

so I said I

I've been praying for you guys all day

because you guys are the ones they have to decide what god's will is for me because I'm not accepted god's will not what it is

you guys won't have seven guys Willis from

seven print wrap help especially fifth

and with that they dismissed it went out and went around the hospital

an hour they call me back in the present running the show said that

there are you talked a lot about god's will when you're in here

Hey so that's what we've been talking about for the last hour we've been trying to sell what god's will is for you

and explain to me therefore things they could do they could excommunicate me which means they are no longer a member of the church

they could

this fellowship me

which means that I'm still a member but I I can't face

I can't talk

I can go to church but I can't say anything

once I get there keep your mouth shut okay

and like for a year two years the script one time boom you're out the door

and that's that they can just fill should be are they could put me on probation which means I'm a member and I can go on I can't talk I could talk I go to church and talk but she grew up boom I'm gonna I think it take no one knows the four things they could do he explained we've been trying to sell guns Willis there's a woman praying about it talking about it he's going to the spirit moved here we know god's will this issue we had one vote

we had one vote and was unanimous

we all know what got to us

it is god's will the church the Mormon church

take no action

eight three two

here

C.

leave it

really couldn't get I've been I've never seen when they get

fifteen guys together spent Thursday night they're going to take some action

I don't know when they did they took no action

and I was interesting about that

it is you know the book says that more than anyone else the alcoholic leads two lives

three I think that's one place where the books probably a little modest

I mean help we get down to would be okay you know

but I had all these lives I've been living I just one life at church and there's one life at home I have this other life at work I have this other life in the bar and I had a different life in different bars I went to

you know I mean how much of tabloid owners accountable

if I went to a full bar I wasn't turning

New York firm bars as different guy and every every bar I want to

and nobody knew what was going on in different worlds

people work didn't know about my life over here

I wanted to know about that life in the day it is he just don't like the worlds collide at all these different worlds I looked at him Thomas secrets

a lot of secrets

view

and for the first time you write that stuff down in the shower with another human being the only one other person on earth that knows what's going on in each world

you know what the whole story nobody ever knew the whole story I always have some secrets

always have something that they didn't know

yeah

and after we write this stuff down you surely you mean

for the first time you ever don't somebody else knows everything

no more secrets

I agree on

thirty convinced that we are sick as our secrets

and I start getting sick with my first secret

and it's progressing

because then I'll get to secrets and then I'll get three secrets and then I guess and sicker and sicker

and

being honest I don't have any more secrets I can tell people exactly who he you know second what's going on in my life

you know my wife knows everything about me

I don't have any secrets from her

what freedom that is

not to have any secrets

you know what happens when you write that inventory down you share all those things with another human being what

is all along that whole process here of all that guilt

and all that shame we find out that you're not alone here of all your secrets

and that's

Franklin Miller disappointed in

I wish there was more to that which we get inventory that stuff away because I'm the same person I was before the majority

I got those saying I'm a liar

yeah and just because a rudimentary about lying road all my life doesn't mean I'm not allowed

I'm still very capable of wine

yeah nothing changes in that inventory

nothing changes in the fourth and fifth step I wish we could change in the fourth and fifth step will change which changes six seven not for five

hello I have lunch with a guy years ago I guess it's been eighteen

a friend of mine Kevin and what have lunch on Fridays I gotta get home I got a ticket have enough water to fish mandatory she didn't know the inventory zero four inventories in one year

these reports the printers either going by somebody's doing is the four step yeah I'm going back further in trying to kill the annual Maureen I'll give them another peeling of the onion

and I said what about his war relationships not terrible time with relationships this can have terrible problems with relationships

I severe bronzer racial ships he said yeah I said you want a solution

yes yes delimiter not only just don't have any

yeah now your video not gonna do that see we that's what we try to do we try to inventory the problem away I see it in Ohio promises relationships

okay this is save that in majority think about during return your relationships because got problems with me Tate why you have problems with age the reason is

okay you're selfish self on the bench that's what I

I mean I'm gonna need to get out in the majority she was doing she was a chair she chaired the meeting her topic was inventories because she just finished a financial and all kinds of financial problems

you know why ram bombs of finances

this is say that financial inventory

the reason why

because you're selfish self centered on the bridge like to spend more than you make the selfish self centeredness that we believe is the root of our problems

you know they're not going to change that all right limit Tory back

so we had a change in the very first step will that change what we do we are not to drink how do we do that well we didn't drink one day at a time

with doctor sponsor read the book which tended meetings and we prayed to have god remove that compulsion to drink

what happened is removed for no longer Greek anymore

thank

match your question would you ever get sober

if you wrote about drinking

thank you to drink

what did you get to stop drinking binge

so what I'm gonna do a lot of problems relationship managers and we're calling about really a sex sex problem this work in there when you get to have all the stuff that I'm gonna have to stop having relationships for a while

we have to stop for a while

and now we have ten meetings

I thank my sponsor banner I'm gonna pray to have got changed then we change then I could have

so when I decided to quit date I guess if I could have dated

you know and not hit owner

you know that they take it to the next level

I guess it could have been okay you know what I can do that

no no I'm gonna is gonna be bad yes I'd as as quick date just quit dating altogether you know

and there was much to say you know quit dating

right I have got changed me talking about

we try to write about it

not sure the right about the quick

I will not quit we want to write about it and continue to do it yeah that is never gonna work then you were going to work you can write about it all you want to write about it and nothing's going to change you can try to peel that onion one more layer and nothing's going to change tell you quick

you gotta quit doing

yeah

and

I could date has quit dating and hung out with first of all Sir hang on myself remember the first time I went to a movie by myself

I've never done it I've never been removed by myself

you know what to motivate myself and it was cheap

it really wasn't

ask price you know what

and

I served and I served being thrashed her hang out with me and I'll

still hung out with me and I just have to go home and response okay you can't watch TV

you know for two hours tonight

twelve point you're gone home by yourself

and not had TV or the radio on for two hours

well I had never done

yeah so I have read you and I and I did projects around the house news I just cleaned up and I and I got to be friends with me

it turned out that it was okay to be with me yeah and I'm sure handed guys hung up a lot of guys and make some real asset never was real good friends with guys

I had friends round we grew up together and did a lot of stuff but not really

really the friends I Sir hang on guys in doing things with guys and become a friend I was and I learned to be friends with guys

for the sex didn't complicate the issue yeah when I was hanging out there must think about what we're gonna do only at home

I didn't think about it

and

and I didn't date for a while and then I'm a friend of mine invited me this Christmas party that night I really don't have any idea it was it was

no one here

probably seven eight months something like that and I was advised of this Christmas party

well I have a male friend non alcoholic environment this company's Christmas party so I go to the comic and I'm gonna meet this gal there

her name is Nancy I got a phone number and

we were like the two smokers in the

the party and so I I got a phone number and I went home and I was excessive I think I think I think a long day she was kind of nice well a lot in common so I called my sponsor I said I met this gal I'm thing about taking on a date

and

he said okay said you can do that on one condition

hi so I said he said you're totally honest

give me totally honest with her you out on the day

so I can be telling

he said I don't think so

we'll find out

so I said now how do I go about how to go about asking out on the day

as we got a phone number see I got a phone number he's you caller on the phone

and I scrap

that's hard that's hard core you

is on the way I do it

what I do is I like come to the glass house there is Thursday he always said the same area same general area research I'm sent over there and maybe she said no but I see well baby there she is

Thursday at the glass house I'll be here

so next Thursday I'm here and I just move a little closer

every week I start moving a little closer down this way so I finally get down and find out talk a little bit fun or they're going to coffee after the meeting so our coffee after meeting with Senate big long table she said over here awesome over here and then I'll start to move down every week

takes about two months for me to get a ticket

then there are certain I finally asked her out after

batter and then totally commissions say yes when I ask on Monday and is it now she just carpeting scrap

not gonna manage this dating business just call up and ask her so I called and she said yes this date we did every the first line first data and we we went we went to dinner and a movie and dancing all the first

the end of the segment with it all first

the drop drop two o'clock in the morning when the joint close you know and I was excited to have to ask if I'm coming for a couple coffee you know just dropped right here nor is the only people drink coffee at two AM or alcoholics

no we want

Gabrielle it's two o'clock

specialist we want

right now all online

so I just got robbed and when will we know and I I was so excited to third I call my sponsor up to thirty

this is are you alone

children which you call me at two thirty is when you're not alone

so I just dated Nance

this data that's already we just date first I just dated anybody you know our water have not learned how not to have that third day conversation

yeah

kind of wonderful you know that Thursday will have that he's on the third day you know we decide what

we're doing

what we do with this and what were we going with this but your attention

and I have you guys a call me up and they say

they say well I said you know I've been at this address last week yeah

I know I need to talk about that one that's your four times

this week and we decided just to be friends read a long conversation last night we just said just before

well you know what

the

maybe not but what you can the book I don't know how to fix it

you know because I mean you decided just before one of god wants you to be more

you can't are you guys decide to just be friends you

twenty

and I have had a guy come in and this was new to me

but tell you what this was a shock to me they come over and say well you know

Carolina Natan

not through four times last week you

but never service was going to be sex buddies you know

I never thought it costs exit costs something else

and I said

what is that

well I'm not an emotional you know

we have one of us gets a little anxious you know

yeah hi perf physically and we need a little early early being of service to the other person

gonna have sex you known no attachment no

you're kidding me right now

whose idea was this

this is a wonderful idea

she decide to do that well you know

yeah but you know because what I've got I want you to have an exclusive relationship