Step 1 at the Glasshouse Group in Fort Worth, TX

my name's John all right now I am not going

so Dennis says that in the media be less people than right now yeah

you're doing

your board falsely

Bob how much time you got

one year yeah you got a sponsor

yeah

okay

it wasn't what she says

how about you guys must

okay

did you find anything in the book you know that you find on the block

you find thirteen step in a book

here again

it surely this

but

the sale no

I do this is this just tore me up years ago when I when I read a book or that he just tore me up there to assist your page two forty nine

but the nation's

of the first addition

what's great is these losers don't you know the group just went missing this

there's a story about the guy

vicious cycle this story here this is in June nineteen forty five

with another member I made my first and only twelve step on a female alcoholic

and your letter

another good win that's

all god you find along the book

well this is as I'm

I'm glad to be here this year and now

and I have no problem

I got a kick out I was Hemel disclosure that I want

always mention because the you know the but did they usually reading office speaker sesame can't reconcile with the book just disregard it

well you can make a stop thirteen steps

but I have my little disclosure I because I don't do this

very good I don't do a very good

just because I can't I don't know it all right

but I don't mind it does

and I think that's a

I love the meeting after the meeting right have a coffee you know

what kind of help another alcoholic

it is not there

here's help in

talk about a man and somebody and have a really sad right now is a yeah that guy he talks the talk but he can't walk the walk

who are we kidding

I mean none of us can walk the walk but I don't know what I would need to come here I come here because I can't walk the walk I guess what the book says wondering how it works and I think it's very the twelve steps what does it say wow

what what are your

can't go through that

yeah don't be discouraged no one lives with anybody then a new bill Wilson there are still a doctor Bob

this really knows who John all right to say no one among us has been able to maintain anything alike

everything here is these principles so nobody can do this deal yeah those candlelight backed by rescue can

that are built in here yeah

you're going on around us best time to

I

tropical

right

I was reading the other night you know are talking about that the normal drinkers very obsession of every alcoholic drinks like normal drinker

and

that's true or not

hello that's ever been my obsession I think my obsession right what's that I didn't know what they drank like

yeah so I guess that was my obsession I think out I wanted to not get in trouble

like the normal drinker don't get in trouble and the boxes you know the the

management medicine medical

research has not yet developed that pill we can take it make some data but it hasn't yet

I'm gonna lose you now that if there come up that pale

not only are we gonna take it

could not be out wandering like a normal normal drinker

I'm

wandering like a normal drinker drink really don't do that

you see what they do

there's no way longer than a normal right normal drink once

it's just insane however though the way they drink I was we're right around August

you know not to she says

but like a bear we get a beer

so yeah I'll get better you are better yes you must I'm going someplace she's not twenty one for the road so I pulled in a liquor store went up by six backing came

and

to support

what is it

you want a bit

yeah

not six

I don't know this old list of singles

I don't think they sell singles and she's still single

I couldn't believe it yeah so if you drink that beer here's a

yeah that was in August

Christmastime more her place

and she's

I have a Christmas party and I open up the refrigerator to get some stuff out and on the very bottom shelf in the door R. four beers

now

aspects of passes to the

what are these four beers

she is also nearby

in August

she said that it was up he elects to have been with this piece we have pizza once he drank a beer

therefore

your drink like that

there's nobody you can drink like I don't drink like that

not at all like that I mean

when I start earning US twenty five

pastoring are twenty five and I think I thought and they want whenever great because kid growing up my mom never drank brothers Robert I grew up in a very normal environment

very middle income America type stuff went to colleges next was going to college you're never drank when I got out one in the insurance business select city things were pretty good I'm petrified I'm not drinking on but I'm petrified I don't I'm afraid but I go to the office the more seconds and she gives us

big things

so what what are these

she does their phone messages

who front

I don't know

so what do you think they want

I just want to buy insurance

I think for me I mean phones are scary as hell I used to hate phones that phone ring read I tell you young outlawed young

you got a made man you have no idea the start pair

on the phone before the first caller ID

I mean what about a scary deal have that phone said they're ringing off the hook and not know who it is

I make you drink

but

finally finally when my second child was born your comment will gradually and me and and what he said were left wondering let you go you're getting drunk so I'm a first drunk it was a great drunk

has a great never gotten this private club god be member private time you tried to drink to have this private club

it's called the winery Prakasam salt palace the longer there but you walk down the steps walked in there that lights flashing live band women in there it was great I just I had a great run I don't want to drink they bring a drink or other people so they know what they're doing I don't know I don't know what to drink so they just order me drinks the rain reports dark dark green

I had a cherry in

yeah next week's light light color great

got pushed around there I drink it down then they tell me he delivered

and also that so my breath on the back a lot

you know yeah I had a great drunk danced all night that idea I'm a good dancer

yeah I'll leave that Bastrop

danced all night that's what

yes the two lesbians

they're out there dancing together you know

and I thought

they probably want me to join

and then they left together I mean I was alone

what are some real rejection

when you're drunk no rejection

right then next week you know that kind of makes me feel pretty good not hang over there

thank you Stuart I said sure I had a ball he said yeah you flat out after

here have a drink tonight

he said I don't know I stop at a stop and have one

I said what what turning into that is light work of three o'clock sacrament

only three thirty three thirty another place got drunk again

so I like to drink to get drunk we're going to tell us first I don't like the way it taste

the only ground ball taste but I like to get drunk what can I drink they'll get me drunk I have tasted alcohol

and I got to bring

so he came over he ordered him let's get guests in order me a CMS

as a great drink CMF came and great big family there's a frozen concoction I had colluded Galliano vodka brandy and cream all but ended up there like a chocolate malt

frozen concoction

and I think those of CMS super creamy mother

that bill can go to work after a couple of them wonderful drink

about a week later

and now the joker plot now Joe hope was not a product is your cover just beer bar they got beer bars you done there three two beer bar history to be a

and now

one of our special cabinet one of very few fancy beer bar

okay

okay it was a it was a topless joint

no one a very fancy topless

good one dancer the whole place

I see nowadays you got a hundred in

all the same time you know I don't want that but everyone dancer that had been dropped appreciated you know

this is true it is true that is telling us that there's a recovery thing over in Dallas yes I don't what's gonna used to call help as possible yep help as possible and I was speaking and I told that story and this guy came up and said she's the dance of the joker

I couldn't believe it

since okay ten step I make a mistake

but anyway I am I'm gonna put the lunch time

check out lunch crowd and

I'm ready to guide a group pricing boat press border downers Grove they were right on the corner of meter saying we went to school together from the time I was in kindergarten and the regular business to come up but will buy a beer I said no I couldn't reply to be

yeah because you have a lot of three two beer to get drunk now and then when I break all that surplus I didn't read

but I like to get drunk enough buses will then get a real drink they said we don't want a membership as real close

and I so I got shipped eleven reckon a week you know

we have a car we drive down the speakeasy and and that they don't know what to drink they wanted from caucuses no I got to drink I got the drink for us so we're not our our them CMS they like to do with her ring those which are mean every day three o'clock me down this because you're at the seams

waitresses can recall small shop crew one

but we can't do that

Stewart my drinking buddy because UPS is Mandy says

I have pictures taken to jettison Bashagard drink with you

twenty some banners

he's away I said you're wrong my image of him is just wrong you're you're you're gonna fall my present what you mean well we get down there now the bar you know rental macho deal if only some women over the table and then you order that two different she

the best agrees that umbrella unit you

all my love my guess is I should pursue that other place called the black bull never gets Blackwell and the

we're down there and

he says that now watch this waitress came by he's we're gonna have a couple of Black Jack up water back

that sounds like my drink

Black Jack up water back it's one one

I like the book I like to order that

in the Black Jack up water back

you just have class not some excited about my new drink waitress come by she brings our end of your personal disappointed my life

making these frozen concoctions razor shot glass was locked up in a glass of water

but it's still gonna join is there a mixer drinks for sure gonna miss strong drinks

he will make his sailors and I this is Cadillac whiskey this is American sour mash that boosting

social support I don't know

we got a pure water

I thought that's what they call a civilised country doesn't the whiskey sipping water that's the most

so he knows he's not pay attention John when you do this

about six don't bring

say hello we chat he smelled a little bit and he downed it set it down to a simple walk

I picked mine up which and I went to smell what is clear enough

I remember not to bring that down I remember when I went down my throat

my throat got all warm and tingly remember chess but chess got all warm and tingly

get my stomach

my stomach got all warm and tingly

right now my legs

sure sure

it was

it is another

he says to make noises we got to support what

see that's the problem that's affirmative I I never understood why

if I water I would need to come down and meet

but I want that second one more the first and I want the third morning the second I like to drink to get drunk that's what I do I never drank socially never I never got that cocktail hour that glass of wine walk around the cockpit you know the barn watch the ice now if you're a new vision I drink to get drunk in fact three weeks after the first run command point from liquor store at ten in the morning is open to ten

I'm on time I get there ten

when I get about three little mini bottles of vodka there's a little bit about you on the airplane you know

we can't nobody

while many baza said on the car and I practice open on sept those down that that's hard hopefully that big old box

you heard the second most popular

and I be okay to go to work you know

and my life changed medially I'm getting all kinds of trouble and the mothers will just get mad about drunk drivers back then they're getting organized in the seventies and the

hang up on me

I read an article in the newspaper that mattered put out and they said the only one in two thousand drunk drivers ever gets picked up one two thousand

I read that mother

that's pretty good

no one in two thousand if I get drunk every night

I got like five six years running toward Baghdad

you know I've been drinking six months get my first D. W. Y.

well yeah I will let

we will

right I'm in the drunk tank and I thought well

this is angle for up ten more years from NXT W.

you worry about it until people started telling me I'm an alcoholic

I hate when they do that because there's no correct response to the source and you know you're not

you can't say I'm not this has seen the not first that was Mr not you're not you can't say yeah you're probably because he got about a so they'll just screw is returning your alcohol okay well let's not go home

how do you know your alcoholic what is it

they say it's a disease okay let's go find out let's go to the doctor have some test well we can't do that

five point zero

no what can we go get likes blood analysis done

no Canada how do you know your alcoholic what's not chemical you're like a cat scan or MRI

now

wow yeah what's an alcoholic how do you know your alcoholic here's the deal y'all want me to quit drinking

okay what happened twenty years not fun I'm not I'm

I've been twenty years ago American

one second arrest is not

let's say we drink too much

so we had drank too much I don't know

because I never drink too much in my life

there's a drink too much

yeah I am an alcoholic

but not because I drank too much

I'm an alcoholic because I couldn't drink enough

your record

thanks isn't in this profession go to the bar and a couple cocktails bartenders as you cover cocktail

well the only

three thirty

I think I've had enough

never had an

I can't break enough to see if you can't drink enough it's impossible to read too much the other

right we get to the bar

you can

past midnight twelve hours

the same **** barber twelve hours

and we're drunk we know about the answer

and

me too

one of the great

if you can't read enough to bother me too much C. normal drinkers

you know we are

they can drink enough

and so occasionally

but not very often

they might drink too much

but you can't drink enough to post read too much

the very definition of an alcoholic as well but that a mix my problem is I can't get my drink improbable thing happens

when I drink man I'm compliant I'm happy joyous and free

if you're very poor on okay

when I'm not drinking

man number by other forms of fear

I'm scared to death

and to feel better I will drinking he

in fact when I drink

heroes promises in the book

can after step nine

I know you read the book

and it's a both additions

after step

has this price got twelve promise when I drink those promises come true in my life

I don't know about you but I have that first drink for drink

I begin to know a new freedom and happiness

every to more

after two or three drinks on about you

but that fear financial security just kind of slips away

many have we got checks you know

after six seven days I don't know about you but I don't know how to handle situations

I want to share that information a lot of people

after twelve thirty next never dawned on me but it became real clear that alcohol is doing to me what I could do for

and you want me to quit

what are you going to quit

you're gonna quit when even the not

then that night you know message a would be warding that's not in the book or didn't look bad to say we're into

then say that

yeah that's a winning record the Nile is their inability to accept the truth

you're not going to say that's what we are

more for much sicker than men

look because that's delusional

that's a good word for word

that means that means that you cannot distinguish fantasy from reality

you're sick

you know

and now you're

okay my group when you get to that I'll you're making progress

well when you get to the

you know you don't accept the truth we can't even distinguish reality from fantasy you know anyone medical I'm not gonna quit

you know when you went away one now because just a fortnight here's the reality

the reality is when I first came in day and it'd be those twelve promises I thought of the Mickey Mouse well I really needs a job you can only promise of a of a good you know hundred hundred fifty thousand dollars a year job that's what I want and you know

a place to live in a girlfriend in and those are promises that you know that could sink it's teeth into

but anyway they they they and their problems

the truth is I have always my whole life

demanded Cavill's promise

I insist on having those promises

alcohol gave me those promises

the delusion of those promises

the truth is I don't find a way to get those promises in my life today without drinking

I'm gonna bring together

if you go through one of those twelve promises and alcohol gave you those promises

and if you don't have a way to get those promises that drink you can go drink

to get to that point in the alcoholic

I know you that damn

in order to

all I know is is making those promises compute no way any of those promises proper steps

you can you can jackrabbits program all you want Jack another hand the fellowship you know what you're gonna get drunk because you're going to come to the point where you demand those promises

and alcohol given three every two to credible you know by now that Donald is is working for me and I got our problems

got a lot of problems

not going one

yeah if we look at the they give the funky little test you know take this whole test is twenty questions and it says

I want to take the test and passed non alcoholic I did it three times email question that did this and that

that's exactly what caused problems

in your marriage now

like a lot of problems in the marriage but I'm calling one

philosophical really

we should talk about four got married but we just went ahead and got married and see she was watching me that when you get married she wanted to be married

you know like seven days a week

I don't get my daily

I thought that we ought to be made five days a week okay I'll be married Monday through Friday separate on Friday party all weekend come on Monday yeah

your lan about the seven day week marriage

but I have gotten a new

yeah that that was okay because you legal problems no

hello legal problems

thank god knows I was drinking that allowed them to make me mad the peaceful man on the scene of the arrest me

every time they have my picture and my license plate on every dashboard in Sikeston right thank god we do nothing like me walking down the street a cop drive by see's me I get a rest

you don't happen to know what not should not hurt anybody contract by sees me I go to jail

yeah nothing I mean I'm I'm not driving I'm walking I get arrested okay

okay it was three thirty in the morning

the general walk on the street America you want to three thirty

it's a free country I get arrested for

right there was a rainstorm is a bad range from one to get a little walk in the rain

three can have a shirt on

yeah I will walk without a shirt no rain at three thirty in the morning if you want I got wrecked asked about why you stopped okay had a gash in my head I have

that was not my fault

I've been in the cab earlier told the cash not going to get he did not stop we cannot buy that movie that hit my head on the ground floor measures I just threw the damn thing away

and

if you're okay eligible mug was arrested me

I had to I had a bad timing problem

what about customs

when I get arrested I think he

in five minutes

in five minutes soon okay that cop will not been at that intersection around the line I would never find him

and then I think well maybe I should be five minutes later they have been through the corn out of men okay there so I'm sitting in the bar

see the problem is we have a problem we don't know whether to go or stay

the bond think

one of time for me to go

I always stayed

just close these damn things it tool five Hollywood a lot of trouble yeah two o'clock because of our

but the bad timing problem I had I had I had

this problem has

was

C. Utah

is that a high altitude

so I just saw the Lympics it's in the mountains

okay scientific fact people live at high altitudes for prolonged periods of time

have thinner blood the people of the lower options

that's true story

for some of the Discovery Channel

I believed in my whole life I got to have faith in black

if you party hard on thin blood

you're probably gonna have a problem

but I need to do is get to sea level

hello

I'm gonna be okay yeah check all of their lives and sell it to them some of these problems I think year I've come up here stay with me and Gail put your life back together

this one Steve Allen Poe's on you and Galen here five kids

no position so I'll be there Tuesday you know so I moved to Seattle and I live in Seattle not do anything in Seattle just told rank and

what I think about my blood

the next logical thing you want doing that kind of condition

yeah you're gonna wanna gamble

but then again was running quite rightly as this band so I certainly poker is legal days program as a slush are playing poker I thought your high flying hot shot like me want to be where the real action is now is down about in the casinos back them out to California but in the casinos then so I started running down there and playing in the casinos find out who my kids I'm just going to move to that

this little sea level

so I moved down here

Cannistraro Las Vegas ended up in Reno Tahoe area and I'm doing pretty good

you know the outbreak in

by local workmen thick in my blood got a call from price in Newtown invited me to come over the weekend spent a week in their party should not gone doing real good in Reno and I go over there

that's a Friday will not to please call the one more time club

have a great club

I remember that hello she said they're always sit at the bar where she isn't borrowing from founder

hello I want to correct she wouldn't go up she couldn't go out Saturday Sunday had to stay till Monday it around the home Sunday should have gone home Sunday

stay till Monday we're gonna stay money that money was October sixth nineteen eighty one

well on this date and has a bad day you know you got a bad day we invited to dinner

and then they really want to eat

everyone a drink you know you gotta put out a fire just started so I'm not even I'm just drinking and she's eating our general surgeon Mormon whiskey or her glass of wine while she's busy checking people up the line stack and

now he remembers getting my wish to recur wind was just a bad day finally she should take me home I want a girl should know fun that night also took a wrong dropped her off at ten thirty

I'm not gonna prices door you recently had a date that Pamela had a gala White Christmas like once about again and generate a sign that the one in there

the Marlins we have the telecom animatic here this habit brings in give me trouble so I think that one online

the next day Tuesday October seventh for drinking one gallon George club

and the

then we left your troubles in the fashion of the Hilton I remember the fashion show no not blacked out I. blacked out all

okay

some blackouts real scary summer to be

I think it makes a scary there's two things

how long you blacked out the one year blackout the more secure they are

and the next thing is what you're doing commendable

and

whacked out all that long

couple hours maybe and when I came out I came out my back at the worst time without a doubt the worst time I know you back I know the worst time to come out of the black

when you're talking to the cops

you worry on the conversation you know

you can't say how are we doing here you can't

yeah

so you got to kind of figure out what it is they want which according to why they stopped

yeah and if they want my driver's license

I don't have a driver's license the taking up three D. W. as earlier and I'm just trying to tell a cop last night but I'm going

right over there

purchased on behalf from involved

they would not be built any found around though I suspect who was arrested me

so I'm in jail and this time they're really pissed because I came by and that

okay send to the system he plead not guilty or not or what you're rested for you plead not guilty no matter what not guilty

and back then you go to the ER because you're drunk stuff go to the artichoke this you know you get on your O. R. somebody got plus a small one the biggest month ever posting was fifty Bucks

because it sounds like two fifty

and I suppose that

figure bottom I had to and then I get on my or our down here are you the one and then they get your attorney they set a court date the start that postponing process right possible possible but we keep postponing that there's money which will be open the cop dice

just dying you know I never got my never die and they always show up for court

and

so I had

once the thirty says locate armar we go to court you can no longer post on this tomorrow go to court you are be sure the day before court

that's what I moved I don't want to cry just moves out all these failure to appear thanks and they're very real search by

and this is normal if you want you can get this done you don't you don't come back

you're going to court

Simon lock up don't like a lot of them don't like nothing about lock up

I think we should be locked up and but yeah so I'm locked up funny about a mining stand the night about AA and alcoholic stands a lot of money grew up a stamp

and I'm your friend of mine made a lot of money and have a lot of influence he comes out to see me sizzle kept doctor some people would get yeah

that's gonna be my custody

well do that is if you promise me

it should go to treatment you're sick

stay

bush

you are so right

I need treatment I center what it is like a downright given these bars get crunk and get all screwed up and I need help I guess I'm not quite

I need this right I can't get it in here

his will get yeah so I got out of jail now no one tension not drink I didn't want to quit I'm not gonna quit

I'm just getting out of jail and outdoor center can get out of jail try to stay within some next day throws the yellow pages so you are where you want to go but you have the treatment so they can help pays off and I got all the treatments and funds from center

and I come up on the phone I said I need to pretty control

the gases do you have any insurance now

RT at work for three and a half years

many insurance

well it's it's twelve thousand dollars

I couldn't believe it

I said hello I don't want to stay all year

it's very frustrating how much they want to for treatment you know a couple they want eighteen thousand dollars thank you that's a that's a for sure said listen if I had

eighteen thousand dollars I would need your goddam treatment

one join us I need to come in for some great

she's okay and I said well you need not something I don't have any insurance

she said okay and I said well how much is it she's a sales person can kind of benefits first so she's going to check in here you get room

four and therapy now we have two kinds of therapy individual therapy with a counselor and group therapy

and it's nine Bucks a day

and we check in we apply for food stamps but bunch of forms a pie for food stamps you qualify and then with this first section of the bill and

but in recent funding from the state service in charge of a sign around it would pay about fifty day which implies billable services US service for back

if you get all that taken about five Bucks a day

I couldn't believe

how long is the waiting list

place the one twelve eighteen fast net thirty to sixty waiting is just beginning

so how is a waiting list she's a we we have a better for you tonight

I don't I don't really need to come tonight

she is I think you need come the night I got a problem think about a guy's got bargain rates nine Bucks a day room for therapy they can't feel their best okay other high pressure me get me coming

the consumer I got my rights

let's make reservation for Saturday just forget the whole damn bill

so she didn't say

I didn't know I just didn't understand didn't ring Saturday came girl down there park in that parking lot sat in a parking lot for hours watching going

watch those guys when I want to see what kind of person most a nine dollar day trader John

Hey all those guys going under or outbox

I could tell they were alcohol well it's not hard to go look

they look like Yala Yala look like alcohol

those guys are there hello I have a house and I were not going to fit my budget yeah

nothing happened

the whole bunch of papers on Saturday Sunday came

about first exposure affects numbers two guys not side came in the meeting but not much on this meeting there thirty six of us tell me in three six tenants were sitting there these two guys taught for a long time I think they said I'm not sure what else how do I get

Hey look like for how to do it and I go do it so much in advance ax I'm going to mimic them beside it how much your body else nobody want to be there there is no consideration Goffin nobody's listening these guys talk for a long time seem like Mr Downer always discussion mean Sharon first got introduced himself to my name's Joel B. I'm an alcoholic and I'll pass

next to my name is Jim **** on an alcoholic

hi pass

hello can I real quick

what they're doing what's known as they get their first name last initial admit because the group throughout the hikes and then pass

because if you think that a quicker okay there's something magical about admitting to the group is gonna pick up or not because my office hours that must be the deal to me because I had printed on the wall at minute you're powerless over alcohol

that must be so got to me I did it right

I said my name is John Elway and I'm an alcoholic