The Friday evening speaker at the Road to Recovery convention
talk
about
what
goes
with
hello
everyone
my
name
is
Doug
row
and
I
am
grateful
alcoholic
I
like
that
I
have
I
want
to
tell
you
when
I
was
six
years
old
I
was
in
the
first
grade
and
I
had
just
come
to
the
first
grade
from
summer
we're
off
school
in
the
summer
and
we
just
came
back
in
the
fall
to
school
and
my
six
my
first
grade
teacher
said
I
want
everyone
in
the
room
come
up
to
the
up
to
the
front
of
the
room
and
tell
us
what
you
did
this
summer
I
was
in
Los
Angeles
area
and
my
so
someone
one
of
my
one
of
my
contemporaries
came
up
and
in
the
front
and
said
my
family
went
to
Boston
this
summer
and
told
about
going
to
Boston
and
in
seeing
all
of
the
all
the
engine
sites
of
Boston
and
and
someone
else
went
to
Niagara
Falls
and
I
didn't
do
anything
in
the
summer
and
I
felt
less
than
so
after
I
was
maybe
ten
or
eleven
number
ten
or
eleven
of
the
of
the
students
and
I
went
up
and
I
looked
at
the
map
on
the
way
up
map
of
the
globe
I
picked
out
of
a
place
and
I
said
that
this
year
this
summer
my
family
went
to
Iceland
we
went
to
Iceland
we
flew
there
and
the
plane
airplane
landed
and
we
had
to
put
on
these
big
coats
with
fur
on
the
on
the
station
and
bundle
up
and
I
I
didn't
know
anything
about
Iceland
except
that
the
name
was
ice
land
and
and
might
still
and
of
course
I
I
achieve
the
the
desired
effect
everyone
was
very
impressed
and
and
that
a
few
weeks
later
when
they
had
what
they
call
a
parent
teacher
conference
in
the
parents
come
and
talk
to
the
teacher
and
my
teacher
asked
my
mother
how
is
it
that
your
family
I
decided
to
go
to
Iceland
for
the
summer
and
my
mother
said
what
what
what
makes
his
deductible
is
that
you
went
to
Iceland
and
my
mother
said
no
we
we
were
going
to
go
to
Arizona
but
we
decided
not
to
and
so
that
was
the
the
last
time
I
thought
about
Iceland
until
Carl
called
me
a
few
months
ago
and
Carl
you
know
Carl
who
started
Alcoholics
Anonymous
in
the
Iceland
which
is
Carl
exactly
was
the
influential
in
in
helping
helping
to
some
some
functions
in
a
a
good
start
in
life
and
but
Carl
called
me
and
asked
me
would
you
like
to
go
to
Iceland
and
I
said
yeah
I
yes
I
would
you
know
that
I
I
can
hardly
when
I
get
back
I'm
going
to
see
if
my
first
grade
teacher
is
still
alive
it's
I
did
go
to
ice
my
and
I
actually
thought
probably
until
I
was
that
well
over
fifty
years
old
that
when
you
landed
it
on
a
plane
in
Iceland
you
actually
did
have
to
put
on
an
Eskimo
parka
I
I
didn't
know
anything
about
this
country
my
my
girlfriend
got
me
a
book
about
Iceland
and
I
was
amazed
as
I
turned
the
pages
and
found
out
that
there
is
a
culture
and
our
this
is
the
theater
and
sculpture
and
has
been
for
some
time
evidently
and
it
seems
like
if
I
had
come
here
in
the
first
grade
that's
what
I
would
have
found
it
and
so
so
I'm
I'm
I'm
I'm
just
delighted
to
be
here
I
and
I
like
doing
this
I
hate
it
I
know
some
very
very
good
eight
speakers
yeah
and
in
Los
Angeles
who
you
you
love
to
hear
them
speak
because
they
talk
about
the
steps
and
this
is
the
spiritual
awakening
and
the
and
the
sober
life
in
a
way
that
is
so
inspiring
but
they
don't
like
doing
it
they'd
rather
not
in
their
barracks
when
they're
asked
to
do
it
they
do
it
because
they're
courageous
and
they're
dedicated
and
I
I'm
not
either
one
of
those
things
but
I
but
and
I
don't
even
know
if
I'm
a
good
speaker
and
I
really
couldn't
care
less
but
I
love
doing
I
love
doing
this
I
think
that
talking
at
an
Alcoholics
Anonymous
function
is
the
most
fun
you
can
have
with
your
pants
on
when
someone
calls
me
and
says
would
you
like
to
would
you
like
to
come
to
our
town
and
talk
about
yourself
for
an
hour
yes
I
would
yes
I
would
I
really
would
it
end
up
so
I
I
but
that's
that's
the
way
I
am
I
I
wanted
to
be
the
speaker
at
the
first
meeting
I
ever
went
to
and
but
I
was
I
was
a
little
drunk
I
would
like
to
walk
you
know
but
I
was
noticeably
intoxicated
and
and
so
they
didn't
ask
me
they
almost
never
do
they
hardly
ever
say
let's
get
the
drunk
guy
to
talk
but
they
they
welcome
to
me
they
welcome
me
to
my
first
meeting
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
as
a
matter
of
fact
it
was
a
meeting
it
was
a
Friday
night
speaker
meeting
I
don't
remember
who
spoke
of
what
they
said
I
remember
but
I
remember
things
that
happened
at
the
meeting
before
the
meeting
started
three
separate
people
two
men
and
a
woman
individually
not
not
a
welcoming
committee
three
separate
people
noticed
there's
a
new
guy
here
came
over
to
me
put
out
your
hand
and
said
to
your
new
and
it
wasn't
a
question
they
said
your
new
at
and
I
I
said
yeah
yeah
and
they
said
welcome
keep
coming
back
yeah
I
I
I
don't
know
if
that's
a
common
phrase
in
in
Iceland
but
in
in
the
United
States
they
always
say
keep
coming
back
you
can
get
up
and
say
I
hate
Alcoholics
Anonymous
I
think
you're
all
a
bunch
of
morons
you
you
you
you
just
follow
each
other
you
follow
each
other
right
off
the
cliff
like
a
bunch
of
money
I'm
out
here
I'll
never
come
back
and
we
say
keep
coming
back
in
fact
if
there's
if
there's
someone
here
tonight
who
is
new
I'm
gonna
go
out
on
a
limb
and
say
I
I
you
may
have
some
ideas
some
really
good
ideas
about
how
to
improve
Alcoholics
Anonymous
and
if
you
do
I'd
like
to
suggest
that
you
talk
to
Siggy
up
here
and
there
and
tell
him
your
ideas
at
and
then
chances
are
sick
you
will
say
keep
coming
back
is
that
so
we
say
and
your
money
and
you
should
you
should
keep
going
back
at
my
first
meeting
the
three
people
that
said
keep
coming
back
made
me
feel
like
I
was
wanted
here
the
people
in
my
life
people
who
genuinely
cared
about
the
people
who
Love
Me
we're
not
saying
keep
coming
back
people
who
knew
me
were
saying
don't
come
over
here
stay
away
done
in
the
hello
this
is
Doug
Hey
listen
I
thought
I
come
and
visit
for
awhile
are
you
guys
you
guys
home
no
no
we're
not
gonna
get
nowhere
we
just
leave
and
we're
just
walking
out
the
door
yeah
we
won't
we
will
be
home
for
a
long
time
so
you
don't
go
over
here
okay
love
you
mom
I'm
not
kidding
I
got
uninvited
to
a
wedding
they
invited
me
first
they
invited
me
they
sent
me
the
the
the
the
too
many
envelopes
and
all
the
stuff
that
they
send
for
a
wedding
invitations
and
I
responded
yes
I'm
coming
to
the
wedding
and
send
it
back
I
bought
a
wedding
present
Iraq
it
was
sitting
on
my
table
waiting
for
Saturday
morning
when
the
wedding
was
and
and
my
friend
Bob
called
Thursday
night
and
he
said
them
Doug
as
what's
up
up
well
you
know
Caroline
I've
been
talking
about
it
and
we'd
like
for
you
to
not
come
to
the
wedding
and
and
I
you
know
most
people
normal
people
if
they
got
a
call
like
that
would
have
not
offended
would
at
least
be
curious
you
know
I'm
like
why
is
that
Bob
gosh
I
hope
it's
not
a
thing
I
did
you
know
did
you
over
book
the
room
amenity
you
need
the
room
I
didn't
say
that
I
fact
I
seem
like
a
good
idea
to
me
thank
good
idea
Bob
tell
Carol
I'm
really
proud
of
that's
very
courageous
to
do
that
and
it's
a
good
idea
yeah
because
I
I
we
had
all
been
a
wedding
the
weekend
before
that
and
and
you
know
the
term
moon
I
move
the
bride's
mother
which
if
you're
not
acquainted
with
colloquial
English
that
means
I
pull
down
my
pants
and
stuck
my
****
out
at
the
bride's
mother
the
bride's
mother
and
you
know
I.
T.
that's
considered
it
in
California
that's
a
social
faux
pas
yeah
you're
not
supposed
to
do
that
and
and
so
at
a
wedding
and
a
and
and
I
I
didn't
go
there
to
the
moon
the
bride's
mother
I
I
I
went
there
to
be
part
of
a
joyful
experience
for
friends
of
mine
and
and
and
they
had
an
open
bar
where
you
don't
pay
for
the
drinks
what
what
do
they
do
that
bad
combination
open
bar
invite
Doug
so
I
you
know
that
everybody
was
dancing
and
laughing
and
having
a
good
time
and
I
just
thought
you
know
what
to
be
funny
to
show
my
****
and
the
so
I
I
pull
them
I
hate
and
what
all
of
a
sudden
you
could've
heard
a
pin
drop
in
there
it
was
silent
and
it
shouldn't
be
somebody
should
laugh
that's
what
I
intended
in
in
we
were
going
to
go
man
that
Doug
is
crazy
you
know
the
crazy
guy
I
mean
but
they
did
they
and
they
did
but
friends
of
mine
told
me
I
and
then
when
when
everybody
is
quiet
and
you
know
people
should
be
laughing
this
is
that
you
it's
a
real
uncomfortable
for
a
moment
because
all
you
can
do
is
casually
get
dressed
act
right
now
so
that's
what
I
did
it
but
friends
of
mine
me
aside
and
and
said
that
a
man
was
met
with
you
what's
wrong
with
you
man
you
moon
the
bride's
mother
done
excuse
me
I
thought
it
was
the
groom's
mother
right
now
but
you
know
I
didn't
do
it
in
the
ceremony
I
was
at
the
reception
for
Christ's
sake
one
of
my
animal
so
they
knew
I
didn't
get
it
and
then
they
and
then
they
send
somebody
nicknamed
me
Doug's
gusting
I
am
not
that
was
my
nickname
for
a
long
time
decks
guesting
and
resulted
that
sucks
so
what
I'm
saying
is
for
strangers
people
I
never
met
to
come
up
to
me
and
say
keep
coming
back
was
not
something
I
was
used
to
at
all
in
that
you
know
I
mean
that
wedding
I
didn't
go
to
the
wedding
of
that
that
I
was
uninvited
to
and
it
seems
like
it
came
off
all
right
that
in
your
anything
bad
about
it
I'd
already
bought
a
wedding
present
but
that's
okay
I
just
drank
it
myself
as
soon
as
I
see
heads
nodding
you
know
what
I'm
talking
about
I
did
it
when
I
came
to
Alcoholics
Anonymous
I
knew
I
wasn't
going
to
fit
I
knew
I
wouldn't
sit
here
I
never
fit
any
place
in
my
life
I
didn't
fit
in
school
because
I
lied
to
a
but
I
just
want
but
but
I
didn't
fit
in
school
and
I
didn't
fit
in
the
workplace
and
I
didn't
fit
my
own
family
in
the
in
high
school
I
I
people
like
me
are
I
didn't
dislike
me
but
I
didn't
fit
anywhere
I
I
I
played
the
sports
I
played
football
not
you
know
not
just
what
we
call
soccer
you
call
football
most
of
the
world
because
of
football
but
we
already
had
a
football
and
soccer
got
there's
a
we
call
it
soccer
but
what
I
think
I
played
American
football
and
I
like
football
I
enjoy
it
I
had
a
good
time
but
I
wasn't
a
jock
or
wasn't
a
sports
person
and
and
and
I
knew
it
in
the
jocks
knew
it
and
so
I
didn't
sit
there
and
surfing
I
grew
up
in
California
everybody
served
I
serve
I
like
serving
I
was
a
good
server
but
I
wasn't
I
wasn't
a
server
on
the
server
you
know
I
surfed
but
I
wasn't
surprised
served
with
the
servers
but
I
wasn't
one
and
I
knew
it
and
they
knew
it
and
I
love
motorcycles
since
I
was
fifteen
years
old
I've
always
had
a
motorcycle
I
was
always
building
a
motorcycle
and
riding
a
motorcycle
I
love
motorcycles
but
I
wasn't
a
biker
I
never
was
a
biker
I
rode
with
the
bikers
I
wasn't
when
they
knew
it
I
knew
it
and
and
and
that's
just
the
way
it's
always
been
there
when
I
came
to
a
a
I
knew
it
wasn't
a
fit
here
there
was
a
lot
of
reasons
for
one
year
you
all
were
not
drinking
I
knew
that
I
knew
that
alcoholics
in
AA
didn't
drink
but
you
seem
to
be
awfully
happy
about
it
yeah
and
that
was
not
going
to
be
my
case
if
indeed
I
stopped
drinking
I
was
going
to
be
unhappy
about
it
which
was
okay
because
I
had
been
happy
a
long
time
and
I
had
used
up
my
share
of
laughing
you
know
no
more
laughing
for
dog
time
to
get
serious
yeah
it's
over
and
then
I
went
in
and
I
saw
all
these
people
are
just
so
happy
they
had
this
this
the
this
smile
that
we
called
I
called
the
Jesus
sunshine
smile
you
know
it
was
just
like
you
instead
of
saying
do
you
know
my
lord
they
would
say
yeah
how
long
are
you
sober
any
day
now
yeah
that
was
my
first
meeting
I
mean
the
three
people
came
up
and
to
keep
coming
back
and
it
takes
almost
in
California
they
most
of
the
most
of
the
United
States
calls
a
celebration
of
years
of
sobriety
anniversaries
but
in
California
we
don't
we
call
on
birthdays
because
when
you
have
a
anniversary
you
just
have
a
meeting
once
a
month
and
everybody
who
got
sober
in
that
month
will
celebrate
and
talk
you
know
say
thank
you
but
in
California
southern
California
anyway
we
call
on
birthdays
and
then
you
get
to
have
a
cake
with
candles
on
it
and
sing
and
sing
Happy
Birthday
to
you
everybody
sings
the
sing
off
key
as
a
rule
no
I
didn't
know
this
so
when
I
went
to
my
first
meeting
they
said
we
have
a
big
a
treat
tonight
Ruth
is
celebrating
her
eighteenth
birthday
and
I'm
going
so
I
thought
well
this
is
kind
of
cool
they
celebrate
people's
birthdays
no
if
I
stay
here
till
may
still
celebrate
my
birthday
some
looking
around
for
Ruth
I
know
route
to
some
eighteen
year
old
tiny
hide
you
know
and
and
she's
some
looking
around
for
rules
and
the
rules
gets
up
yeah
good
she
was
presentable
she
was
made
up
dressed
up
and
happy
but
she
was
fifty
years
old
if
he
was
a
day
and
I
looked
and
I
thought
if
she's
eighteen
she
needs
to
stop
drinking
yeah
you
see
a
you
look
bad
you
just
a
little
bit
for
a
teenager
and
and
so
and
then
I
you
know
I
realize
it
the
woman
could
not
be
eighteen
years
old
and
it
ended
suddenly
started
I
started
with
this
is
Alcoholics
Anonymous
they
don't
drink
here
then
why
would
they
celebrate
somebody's
birthday
there
she's
sober
eighteen
years
this
woman
is
not
drink
for
eighteen
years
I
didn't
know
that
you
did
that
and
then
they
did
something
else
I
didn't
know
they
did
they
started
saying
in
happy
birthday
to
you
Happy
Birthday
to
you
dear
Ruth
and
I
just
quit
but
for
different
keys
and
tickled
about
it
nobody's
going
sooner
we
in
the
same
here
and
they're
just
sitting
in
them
and
just
delighted
about
it
and
I'm
just
thinking
okay
I'm
definitely
not
going
to
sit
here
because
I
I
I
have
a
musical
background
and
produce
a
paving
in
in
dissident
off
key
courses
is
irritating
to
me
I
I
I
and
and
plus
it's
lame
it's
a
real
way
it's
it's
a
level
of
lameness
I
never
imagined
existed
and
I
and
I
thought
if
I
was
going
to
make
up
something
about
a
a
to
make
fun
of
it
I
wouldn't
have
thought
of
the
singing
Happy
Birthday
thing
and
I
and
so
I
they
get
out
and
risk
it's
up
to
the
podium
and
she
says
my
name
is
Ruth
and
I'm
an
alcoholic
that's
what
everybody
says
hi
Ruth
and
him
I
was
so
embarrassed
for
you
all
because
because
I
I
I
was
so
cool
then
I
not
only
didn't
sing
off
key
with
you
I
didn't
even
sit
down
at
my
first
meeting
there
was
about
maybe
three
hundred
people
at
that
meeting
good
size
meeting
there
were
chairs
there
were
empty
chairs
I
could
sit
down
fat
people
came
I
was
leaning
against
the
back
wall
because
show
me
something
let's
see
what
you
got
and
and
people
come
up
with
that
would
you
like
to
sit
down
there's
a
chair
over
here
no
that's
our
hi
I'm
fine
here
I'm
I'm
not
a
member
I'm
just
just
viewing
I'm
visiting
I'm
a
I'm
I'm
auditing
the
class
yeah
you
know
I'm
just
checking
it
out
okay
fact
I'm
not
a
I'm
a
I'm
a
loner
I'm
not
a
joiner
I'm
a
I'm
an
outlaw
I'm
a
desperado
yeah
I'm
a
loner
back
don't
get
used
to
me
around
here
because
I
break
your
heart
you'll
be
looking
around
where
is
done
I'll
be
so
gone
I'm
gone
I'm
long
break
your
heart
just
don't
get
used
to
me
around
here
outlawed
desperado
okay
not
a
joiner
all
right
what
can
you
can
you
keep
it
down
we're
trying
to
have
a
meeting
over
here
yeah
fine
so
so
I
wasn't
sitting
I
was
standing
against
the
back
wall
but
there
was
another
guy
we
were
two
of
us
we're
too
cool
to
sit
with
the
cool
section
we're
like
in
back
there
and
and
but
this
other
guy
I
found
out
was
a
member
his
job
in
that
meeting
was
to
it
he
was
a
newcomer
catcher
and
so
he
stood
against
the
back
wall
looking
cool
say
he
was
the
coolest
looking
guy
they
have
the
meeting
so
they
put
him
back
there
to
catch
me
hi
this
is
so
I
I'm
when
Ruth
Ruth
says
this
risk
it's
up
to
take
a
cake
hi
Ruth
I
I
want
you
to
know
that
over
this
last
eighteen
years
of
sobriety
I
have
attended
a
meeting
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
every
single
day
some
of
the
people
in
that
meeting
with
wow
some
people
with
every
day
me
I'm
in
the
back
I'm
going
to
move
you
you
kind
of
don't
know
I'm
gonna
go
out
on
a
limb
and
say
you're
just
a
little
slow
right
room
you
know
I
look
over
this
other
cool
guy
that's
when
I
found
that
using
newcomer
catcher
because
he
he
gives
me
that
Jesus
sunshine
smile
tell
you
what
you
stay
sober
a
year
we'll
give
you
one
of
them
cakes
what
stay
sober
you're
I
don't
drink
any
alcohol
for
years
and
I
get
that
cake
there
is
a
deal
well
yeah
yeah
yeah
yeah
yeah
I
don't
know
what
I
was
thinking
not
doing
enough
news
okay
the
my
own
news
today
I
I
think
you
know
I'm
not
I'm
really
not
much
of
a
pastry
eater
I
really
yeah
but
you
know
my
wanted
one
I
just
stop
at
the
market
on
the
way
home
you
know
one
of
the
five
Bucks
you
know
a
fact
you
wouldn't
even
be
out
of
my
way
I'm
gonna
stop
and
get
a
six
pack
on
the
way
home
anyway
so
I
didn't
get
it
and
as
I
said
I
remember
anything
the
speaker
said
but
I
remember
that
the
secretary
of
that
meeting
got
up
and
and
made
some
announcements
and
remember
some
people
read
some
stuff
and
the
secretary
said
she
held
up
our
big
book
Alcoholics
Anonymous
you
said
this
is
our
big
book
it's
the
basic
text
of
our
program
it's
the
only
authority
on
Alcoholics
Anonymous
remember
that
and
she
said
you
have
if
you're
new
don't
leave
without
this
book
so
I
said
oh
I
made
a
mental
note
okay
steal
the
book
and
I
have
I
used
to
always
make
these
middle
notes
and
then
I
lose
my
mind
you
know
that
we're
is
that
no
and
so
I
went
but
then
I
was
going
to
steal
the
book
I
had
it
figured
out
just
like
this
I
know
of
I
go
pick
up
that
book
I
can
act
like
I'm
fascinated
with
it
reading
the
book
walk
right
out
the
door
and
nobody
would
stop
me
nobody
would
stop
me
they
they
they
say
something
like
let
him
go
and
I
still
think
that
would
happen
but
the
secretary
ruin
that
because
she
said
if
you're
if
you're
new
and
you're
financially
embarrassed
don't
let
that
keep
you
from
getting
this
but
we
sell
this
book
at
our
cost
three
dollars
and
seventy
five
cents
and
if
you're
new
and
you
don't
have
the
money
will
make
very
liberal
credit
arrangements
including
nothing
down
and
nothing
a
week
until
you
get
back
on
your
feet
well
that
sounds
very
loving
and
generous
but
from
my
point
of
view
now
if
I
steal
the
book
you're
going
to
think
I'm
not
on
my
feet
and
I
cannot
have
that
so
I
went
up
to
the
secretary
after
the
meeting
I
selected
by
one
of
those
books
please
and
she
said
that
that
Seth
three
seventy
five
and
I
said
here's
a
five
keep
the
change
so
how
do
you
change
no
no
no
use
it
use
it
to
help
a
drunk
or
something
you
know
yeah
I'm
on
my
feet
okay
so
I
got
the
book
and
I
took
it
home
and
now
I
was
a
little
disappointed
in
Alcoholics
Anonymous
even
though
there
was
some
good
things
that
happen
like
the
people
telling
me
to
keep
coming
back
and
I
could
be
it
could
get
around
the
birthday
singing
thing
but
they
they
read
the
steps
and
I
had
heard
of
the
steps
it's
part
of
the
twelve
step
program
is
part
of
the
language
and
more
people
know
the
term
twelve
step
program
that
have
ever
heard
the
steps
and
so
I
knew
the
term
I
knew
Alcoholics
Anonymous
was
a
twelve
step
program
I
may
have
even
known
it
was
the
twelve
step
program
but
I
had
never
heard
any
of
the
steps
until
that
night
when
someone
random
and
they
had
him
on
the
wall
and
I
read
them
on
the
wall
and
I
saw
him
I
didn't
know
that
that's
what
I
thought
that
Alcoholics
Anonymous
was
the
smart
way
to
get
sober
I
thought
it
was
the
way
that
the
secular
way
to
get
sober
without
god
because
my
grandmother
was
a
Pentecostal
minister
and
the
cross
of
Christ
the
church
of
Jesus
Christ
was
what
they
call
sometimes
called
holy
roller
church
they
make
a
joyful
noise
and
the
all
of
them
all
the
same
time
when
everybody
was
speaking
somebody
be
saying
you
know
I
will
my
soul
to
the
Jesus
Christ
Jesus
called
Primark
I
mean
you
know
and
so
I
got
on
my
grandmother's
church
you
know
for
the
dancing
and
and
I
didn't
find
out
two
years
later
they
were
actually
dancing
and
but
I
but
my
grandmother's
mission
was
in
a
tough
part
of
Los
Angeles
in
St
Peter
that
the
port
of
Los
Angeles
in
a
real
tough
waterfront
area
called
beacon
street
and
and
in
the
fifties
and
sixties
that
was
that
was
a
tough
area
that
people
would
kill
there
every
night
and
my
grandmother's
church
what
was
right
there
her
mission
and
she
used
to
help
drunks
to
get
sober
wharf
rats
and
Y.
nos
to
get
sober
and
she
would
feed
him
stupid
Jesus
and
and
so
I
knew
you
could
get
sober
and
so
when
Jesus
I'd
seen
it
done
but
it
just
never
seemed
worth
it
to
me
and
I
thought
when
I
came
to
a
a
this
would
be
the
secular
waiting
it's
over
the
with
the
smart
people
that
so
without
god
so
I
was
disappointed
that
that
people
went
eighteen
years
without
drinking
and
I
was
disappointed
about
all
the
god
stuff
that
keep
you
know
came
to
believe
that
a
power
greater
than
ourselves
well
I
know
what
you're
talking
about
yeah
in
case
you
missed
it
in
the
next
step
it's
you
know
god
as
we
understood
him
and
then
it
and
it
and
other
steps
admit
home
admitted
to
god
to
ourselves
and
humbly
asked
him
with
a
capital
H.
power
greater
than
ourselves
I'm
going
all
no
it's
a
god
thing
is
like
a
church
you
know
it's
just
like
my
grandmother's
church
only
this
where
Anna
and
and
so
I
took
this
book
home
the
only
authority
on
out
oxen
and
I
started
to
read
it
and
I
want
to
read
this
book
at
that's
an
exaggeration
I
didn't
read
the
book
but
I
have
the
ability
to
look
at
the
title
of
a
chapter
in
any
book
and
know
everything
that's
in
the
chapter
the
gift
that
I
have
and
the
and
so
so
I
I
got
this
book
out
and
I
poured
a
shot
of
whiskey
and
I
I
sat
down
and
and
start
to
read
this
book
and
I
and
I
some
okay
doctor's
opinion
I
don't
need
to
read
that
I
I've
I've
had
doctors
opinions
I
know
with
what
it
is
it's
son
you
are
not
drink
so
much
all
right
next
and
then
I
came
to
chapter
one
bill's
story
who
cares
bill
I
don't
even
answer
my
own
bills
on
me
you
know
I'm
not
gonna
ask
chapter
two
there
is
a
solution
well
as
a
as
a
child
raised
in
the
fifties
on
television
I
I
I
know
what
there
is
a
solution
it's
it's
a
sales
pitch
clearly
no
man
there's
a
solution
to
your
problem
the
twelve
steps
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
will
give
you
a
life
beyond
your
wildest
dreams
next
chapter
three
more
about
alcoholism
evidently
in
there
is
a
solution
they
said
something
about
alcoholism
and
this
is
even
more
about
alcoholism
fascinating
I'm
sure
maybe
I'll
read
it
sometime
chapter
four
we
agnostics
here
it
is
here
it
is
here's
how
the
smart
people
get
sober
without
god
those
idiots
at
the
meeting
that
I
went
to
tonight
are
talking
all
about
this
higher
power
stuff
I
want
to
thank
my
higher
power
I
choose
to
call
god
and
and
you
know
what
here's
here's
in
the
only
authority
on
Alcoholics
Anonymous
is
that
chapter
we
agnostics
here's
how
we
do
it
so
I
put
another
shot
of
whiskey
just
for
chapter
four
and
I
read
chapter
four
beginning
to
end
and
when
I
finished
it
I
thought
all
right
I'm
I'm
spacing
out
I
totally
missed
the
whole
smart
people
stay
sober
without
god
thing
so
I
another
shot
of
whiskey
and
then
read
chapter
four
again
and
I've
got
to
finish
it
up
quick
all
right
focus
focus
focus
you
are
not
paying
attention
read
it
again
another
shot
of
whiskey
but
I
did
this
six
times
six
shots
six
readings
eventually
some
of
its
got
through
because
it
wasn't
saying
what
I
wanted
to
say
I
couldn't
I
was
like
yeah
the
first
paragraph
says
if
when
you
honestly
want
do
you
find
you
can't
stop
drinking
entirely
or
once
you
start
you
have
little
control
over
the
amount
you
take
then
you
are
probably
an
alcoholic
and
if
this
be
the
case
you
may
be
suffering
from
an
illness
which
only
a
spiritual
experience
will
conquer
first
paragraph
chapter
four
but
I
know
I
know
what
I
must've
been
doing
yeah
yeah
yeah
where's
the
smart
people
stuff
you
know
I
can't
and
that
so
I
that's
why
I
read
this
thing
six
times
but
it's
good
that
idea
because
some
of
it
actually
did
stick
I
remember
being
knocked
off
my
chair
or
else
I
fell
off
I
know
that
happens
sometimes
a
bit
when
I
read
this
simple
little
sentence
that
I
think
most
of
us
miss
I
really
believe
that
most
people
whatever
their
level
of
spirituality
when
he
first
read
this
sentence
in
chapter
four
don't
realize
the
significance
of
it
because
it's
it's
so
subtle
and
seemingly
so
true
that
we
just
go
past
it
and
it
says
we
have
found
that
god
doesn't
make
too
hard
terms
on
those
who
seek
him
and
whatever
your
level
of
spirituality
when
you
read
that
I
don't
think
most
people
are
shocked
by
it
but
it's
shocking
it's
very
significant
we
have
found
not
we
suspect
not
it
seems
to
be
the
evidence
what
would
indicate
we
have
found
this
is
what
we
found
that
god
doesn't
make
too
hard
terms
on
those
who
seek
him
that
is
not
what
I
heard
any
place
else
I
was
openly
hostile
to
all
organized
religion
when
I
came
to
A.
N.
N.
Alcoholics
Anonymous
has
has
taught
me
a
tolerance
a
love
of
organized
religion
when
I
realized
that
everybody's
taking
different
paths
but
at
the
time
when
I
got
to
eight
all
the
different
paths
that
people
take
to
spirituality
seem
to
me
that
somebody
would
be
saying
you
know
what
come
on
over
here
because
we
got
the
direct
line
to
god
we
got
a
thing
going
on
with
god
is
just
a
okay
so
the
somebody
else
don't
pay
any
attention
to
them
we
got
the
thing
over
here
we
got
we
got
the
god
thing
we're
connected
to
god
is
what
god
told
us
to
do
it
okay
no
no
no
we
are
the
way
the
truth
and
the
life
over
here
we
we
got
and
it
still
and
finally
I
just
got
turned
so
many
different
directions
that
I
just
heard
it
would
seem
like
was
more
fun
to
just
make
fun
of
him
you
know
I
I
had
to
I
had
to
way
too
much
education
and
LSD
to
believe
in
any
of
that
crap
some
meetings
today
and
in
the
United
States
where
they
don't
like
your
talk
about
illegal
drugs
well
I
don't
know
what
okay
well
you
know
I
don't
know
I
mean
for
I
I
like
to
point
out
to
him
that
alcohol
was
an
illegal
drug
when
bill
and
Bob
we're
using
it
at
you
know
I
I
didn't
know
I
mean
it
you
know
I
see
I'm
enough
of
a
people
pleaser
that
that
if
I
had
known
where
my
life
was
going
to
go
you
can't
see
the
down
the
path
that
that
far
but
if
I
had
known
you
know
the
first
time
somebody
said
try
this
now
what
is
it
all
man
I
love
you
but
I'm
gonna
be
speaking
at
an
AA
meeting
in
thirty
years
I
don't
want
anybody
off
yeah
so
it
says
but
I
want
you
to
know
that
I
only
used
every
drug
I
ever
heard
of
and
the
ones
I
didn't
care
for
only
is
like
three
or
four
times
but
but
up
I'm
looking
at
the
sentence
that
we
have
we
have
found
the
guy
doesn't
make
too
hard
terms
on
those
whose
economic
I
didn't
hear
that
for
anybody
I
never
heard
any
place
but
Alcoholics
Anonymous
maybe
some
other
people
said
it
but
it's
the
only
place
I
ever
it
seems
to
me
that
they
all
said
we
thank
god
that
makes
very
hard
terms
of
those
who
seek
them
and
here's
the
terms
of
god
told
us
to
do
and
and
ask
my
grandmother's
Pentecostal
church
they
didn't
say
you
know
what
the
when
they
said
my
name
in
less
than
a
syllable
you
know
the
through
all
southern
you
know
southern
US
then
you
know
we
believe
that
god
makes
very
hard
times
on
those
who
succumb
well
not
even
unless
you
are
I
mean
sprinkled
on
the
floor
here
lacks
some
Methodist
I'm
talking
about
total
submission
that's
why
we
got
this
total
war
what
thank
you
do
you
want
in
the
blood
of
the
lamb
bridges
and
that
seems
a
little
over
the
top
to
me
grandma
and
and
then
I
had
a
girlfriend
who
was
Catholic
and
she
was
happy
with
her
religion
her
whole
family
was
Catholics
and
and
and
she
you
know
work
for
her
I
didn't
say
anything
but
she
had
to
go
to
confession
communion
confirmation
a
bunch
other
con
so
she
could
find
find
out
how
many
all
our
fathers
and
hail
Mary
she
had
to
say
to
cleanse
yourself
of
all
the
various
kinds
of
sand
cardinal
envydeal
and
menial
and
I
know
some
that
you
didn't
eat
all
you
do
is
think
about
you
know
and
then
and
then
I
I
don't
know
see
I
don't
and
then
she
would
cleanse
yourself
by
doing
all
these
things
that
they
told
me
to
do
and
she
still
couldn't
talk
to
god
it
was
like
to
talk
to
guys
month
hello
Mrs
god
no
this
is
Julie
not
only
come
up
just
tell
them
I
love
my
people
and
so
I
I
don't
understand
that
and
I
had
a
friend
my
friend
Michael
was
an
orthodox
Jew
they
were
happy
in
their
religion
they
and
their
and
their
home
was
a
warm
home
that
you
wanted
to
walk
into
there
was
a
warmth
in
there
that
you
could
feel
when
you
walk
into
the
Roxburgh
home
we
all
my
friends
love
to
go
over
there
and
we
will
go
over
Mrs
Robert
would
say
well
done
welcome
to
our
home
she
was
like
like
she
been
waiting
all
week
for
me
to
come
in
she
was
like
that
with
everyone
welcome
to
our
home
would
you
like
to
join
us
in
some
wine
and
challah
I'm
sorry
what
would
you
like
to
join
us
in
some
wine
and
a
lot
well
all
have
some
wine
yeah
I'm
I'm
not
much
of
a
peach
tree
eater
and
and
so
you
know
and
then
Michael
and
Michael
and
I
went
out
to
lunch
one
time
and
we
have
unless
we
talking
with
he
orders
a
BLT
hold
the
bacon
you
know
BLT
bacon
lettuce
tomato
all
the
bacon
I
said
Michael
you
just
ordered
a
salad
on
toast
what
is
that
you
know
he
said
well
I
I
can
do
eat
the
flesh
of
the
cloven
hoofed
animals
to
offend
he
whose
name
cannot
be
uttered
what
port
I
can't
eat
pork
it's
a
it'll
offend
he
whose
name
cannot
be
uttered
who
is
that
I
can
say
is
name
Jesus
Christ
noble
you're
closely
and
at
and
then
there
were
Buddhist
and
Hindus
and
Muslims
Omar
and
I
just
turned
my
back
on
all
of
my
said
I'm
sorry
I'm
not
is
more
fun
for
me
to
make
fun
of
so
so
I
but
when
I
came
to
H.
that's
why
I
was
openly
hostile
all
organized
religions
and
then
I
found
this
thing
in
the
book
the
said
we
found
that
god
doesn't
make
too
hard
terms
in
those
who
seek
him
and
I
did
not
have
an
epiphany
when
I
read
that
it
just
finally
got
my
attention
mmhm
okay
make
a
mental
note
of
that
and
and
then
there's
another
phrase
in
there
that
says
I
love
this
says
to
be
doomed
to
an
alcoholic
death
or
to
live
life
on
a
spiritual
basis
are
not
easy
alternatives
face
I
know
why
that
is
because
we're
alcoholics
non
alcoholics
don't
seem
to
have
a
problem
with
that
decision
in
fact
in
fact
you
can
test
this
one
get
yourself
a
clipboard
and
go
and
stand
in
front
of
a
market
is
stop
people
when
they're
coming
out
excuse
me
I'm
taking
a
survey
would
you
rather
die
an
alcoholic
death
or
live
a
spiritual
life
see
see
now
you
know
it
has
a
different
different
view
doesn't
it
because
most
of
the
norm
is
most
non
alcoholic
earth
people
you
can't
just
go
I'm
sorry
excuse
me
what
was
that
come
on
I
need
an
answer
alcohol
against
spiritual
life
make
up
your
mind
got
all
day
well
let's
take
the
spirit
of
the
but
the
okay
is
this
a
trick
question
my
on
camera
this
is
a
TV
show
but
when
we
say
it
when
I
just
said
earlier
people
are
going
that's
right
it's
right
because
it's
a
hard
decision
for
us
that's
why
it
says
it
in
the
book
I'm
a
very
very
inquisitive
normal
person
might
say
something
like
now
now
when
you
say
alcoholic
death
you're
talking
about
were
you
puff
up
and
turned
yellow
and
choked
to
death
on
your
own
blood
and
vomit
when
your
esophagus
erupts
inside
your
throat
yeah
come
on
I
am
not
only
give
me
an
answer
and
they'll
take
the
long
line
all
of
them
the
in
fact
if
you
do
this
test
you
will
know
when
you
find
an
alcoholic
with
Jimmy
alcoholic
that's
spiritual
life
and
you
get
this
if
well
you
are
you
gonna
be
here
tomorrow
I
didn't
have
an
easy
time
in
my
first
my
first
months
in
Alcoholics
Anonymous
I'm
not
a
question
Asker
it's
something
about
them
I
don't
know
I
guess
it's
not
too
of
all
alcoholics
but
it
was
certainly
true
of
me
and
some
others
that
I
know
I
just
need
to
ask
a
question
and
I
know
the
reason
is
because
if
I
ask
a
question
you'll
think
I
don't
know
the
answer
I
can't
and
I
don't
know
what
to
do
about
that
much
one
thing
I
found
it
works
for
me
sometimes
is
if
I
have
a
question
I'll
stand
next
to
somebody
that
I
think
knows
the
answer
you
know
maybe
maybe
Allah
I
wanna
know
what
what's
the
capital
of
Iceland
you
know
and
I
and
I
know
that
Carl
is
is
from
Iceland
his
family
from
ISIS
understand
by
Carl
and
bring
up
the
subject
until
somebody
ask
you
know
what
I
heard
here
from
Iceland
mmhm
you
know
somebody
asked
a
question
the
car
what
is
the
capital
of
Iceland
and
Kerr
was
a
reckoning
and
I'll
say
that's
right
you
know
C.
and
so
I've
got
I've
got
by
with
that
for
a
long
time
but
I
in
fact
in
fact
I
when
I
was
I'm
gonna
jump
all
of
this
is
that
this
is
not
chronologically
correct
this
talk
tonight
I'll
get
over
it
but
when
I
got
sober
by
the
time
I
got
sober
I
was
twenty
one
days
sober
and
I
was
real
serious
about
stance
over
by
the
time
I
actually
got
some
and
I'm
a
woman
who
had
been
sober
two
and
a
half
years
of
thirteen
step
me
okay
I
don't
have
to
explain
that
one
and
is
that
what
this
is
the
place
we
learn
about
the
thirteenth
step
before
we've
taken
the
first
one
yeah
but
Randy
at
took
me
home
in
show
me
the
benefits
of
sobriety
and
add
you
know
we
wake
up
with
a
woman
you
remember
going
to
bed
with
this
is
great
and
and
so
we
we
we
help
start
hanging
out
and
then
we
she
moved
into
my
house
and
we
got
married
and
you
know
I
mean
it
it
you're
not
supposed
to
do
that
and
newcomer
relationship
get
in
a
relationship
your
first
months
of
sobriety
obviously
can't
last
and
this
one
only
you
know
just
absolutely
fell
apart
after
fifteen
years
and
but
we
know
we
got
married
and
and
that
was
a
good
but
Randy
because
she
was
two
and
a
half
so
over
two
and
a
half
years
longer
than
me
was
was
not
a
sponsor
to
me
but
you
she
was
somebody
I
could
I
could
ask
questions
about
and
I
still
didn't
ask
you
questions
until
I
learn
to
ask
questions
and
I
I
credit
her
with
teaching
me
how
to
ask
questions
because
one
time
we
were
in
bed
and
I
don't
know
how
long
I
was
sober
maybe
nine
ten
months
Anna
and
I
had
my
leg
on
her
side
of
the
bed
and
them
and
she
grabbed
my
leg
like
a
log
in
through
it
get
over
on
your
own
side
of
the
bed
she
said
god
you
sleep
like
Jim
parks
and
I'm
I'm
laying
there
thinking
okay
I
don't
know
any
gym
parks
he's
not
that
anybody
I've
ever
met
I
don't
remember
ever
hearing
about
about
Randy
read
a
lot
she
read
all
the
time
you
know
I
could
embarrass
myself
by
saying
who's
Jim
parks
is
your
book
did
you
ever
read
catcher
in
the
rye
you
know
it's
something
you
know
so
I
I
don't
I'm
afraid
but
on
the
other
hand
I
really
want
to
know
who
Jim
parks
is
and
so
I
so
I
and
I
know
if
I
don't
say
something
I'm
gonna
be
thinking
about
it
all
the
time
more
and
more
in
two
or
three
days
later
you
know
she
won't
know
I'm
thinking
eight
you
won't
remember
but
I'll
be
show
say
are
you
going
to
leave
you
books
in
the
dining
room
and
I'll
say
Hey
my
ask
who's
Jim
parks
and
the
so
I
am
I
had
to
bite
the
bullet
and
I
said
honey
give
me
up
I
am
I
supposed
to
know
who
Jim
parks
is
and
how
he
sleeps
and
she
started
to
laugh
at
me
it's
U.
capital
which
you
after
you
know
you
know
Jim
across
the
street
what
what
do
you
do
it
after
she
did
at
the
gym
across
street
yeah
you
know
how
we
how
we
put
his
truck
so
you
can't
park
in
front
of
more
behind
him
do
you
sleep
like
Jim
parks
okay
so
now
we
got
past
the
language
barrier
I
was
a
little
concerned
about
it
so
I'm
going
to
meetings
and
I
got
all
I
wanted
out
of
the
big
book
and
and
I
I
would
listen
to
people
what
they
said
about
the
big
book
you
know
and
and
things
that
people
said
you
know
our
book
says
and
I'm
like
what
and
and
so
I
picked
up
phrases
in
in
the
I
you
know
I
like
to
talk
about
the
music
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
because
the
words
used
to
make
me
crazy
I
would
you
know
they'd
say
they
tell
you
well
you
got
a
surrender
to
win
what
that's
right
your
surrendered
when
end
given
away
to
keep
it
okay
I'm
not
gonna
ask
a
question
all
right
in
somebody
in
and
and
I
and
in
the
book
the
one
page
of
the
of
of
the
book
it
says
with
regard
to
alcohol
we
went
when
tempted
by
alcohol
we
recoil
as
from
hot
flame
on
the
very
next
page
it
says
with
regard
to
alcohol
were
placed
in
a
position
of
neutrality
he
which
one
is
it
is
it
the
hot
flame
or
is
it
neutrality
because
you
know
the
like
we
we
went
out
to
the
to
the
geezer
today
and
I
wanted
to
jump
in
there
it
is
it
looked
real
warm
you
know
and
gore
pointed
out
that
it
wasn't
boiling
it
wouldn't
be
blowing
up
in
the
air
so
that's
a
hot
flame
to
me
if
I
were
neutral
to
it
I
could
just
get
in
and
it
would
be
room
temperature
you
know
so
that's
that's
what
I
I
I
didn't
understand
the
language
the
the
lyrics
the
lyrics
blew
me
away
I
don't
know
what
what
was
going
on
here
and
and
somebody
said
to
me
well
you
know
the
road
gets
narrower
the
road
gets
narrower
I
said
to
my
mom
I
had
a
friend
who
was
over
about
a
year
longer
than
me
and
I
said
to
a
Johnny
what
is
with
the
road
gets
narrower
you
know
I
I
yeah
that's
right
I
said
with
that
it
seems
like
to
be
a
little
inconvenient
you
know
because
I
I
did
a
lot
of
that
one
I
driving
and
the
road
getting
there
or
you
know
seems
like
we
said
now
it's
you
know
it's
a
metaphor
it's
I
think
what
it
means
is
like
you
said
when
I
first
got
sober
I
would
be
I'd
smoke
in
the
car
and
I've
and
I
drove
my
cigarette
out
the
window
it's
just
what
I
did
and
he
said
one
day
it
just
occurred
to
me
after
I
was
sober
for
a
while
I
could
start
a
fire
and
so
I
would
put
out
the
cigarette
and
then
throw
it
out
the
window
and
he
said
and
then
another
further
on
down
the
road
I
realized
you
know
I'm
I'm
glittering
I'm
contributing
to
the
trash
of
the
world
I
don't
have
to
do
that
put
the
cigarette
out
of
the
tree
in
the
ashtray
leave
it
dump
the
ashtray
in
the
trash
can
and
then
eventually
I
even
quit
smoking
so
he
said
that's
what
it
really
means
about
the
right
to
now
I
know
what
it
means
somebody
took
the
time
to
explain
to
because
I
asked
a
question
and
and
I
and
and
I
would
go
around
telling
everybody
well
the
road
gets
narrower
yeah
there
was
no
there's
an
old
timer
at
the
San
Fernando
before
I
got
sober
and
he
was
telling
his
guys
I
wasn't
a
part
of
him
but
if
he
was
just
telling
he
said
I
don't
know
there
was
a
point
to
what
he
was
saying
or
not
good
idea
first
by
but
he
said
the
women
in
Alcoholics
Anonymous
are
the
most
beautiful
women
in
the
world
he
should
have
been
here
the
women
I
can't
believe
it
I
guess
he
gave
there
was
a
a
beauty
test
you
had
to
pass
it
before
you
can
come
to
the
door
here
he
assured
me
no
the
ugly
ones
are
still
drinking
but
I
and
and
you
all
you
beautiful
ones
coming
in
your
must
have
made
it
a
lot
easier
for
them
to
get
a
drink
so
they
they
owe
you
a
debt
of
gratitude
anyway
but
this
guy
was
saying
to
his
sponsor
these
you
know
the
women
in
Alcoholics
Anonymous
is
the
most
beautiful
women
in
the
world
they
they
clean
up
and
they
dressed
nice
they
smell
good
their
hair
looks
nice
they
smile
with
that
inner
smile
they're
smart
they're
funny
they're
happy
people
but
you
know
what
I'm
a
married
man
I
don't
play
and
I
and
I
said
the
road
gets
narrower
and
the
guy
turned
around
he
said
what
act
like
I
was
eavesdropping
you
know
at
which
I
was
in
and
he
said
that
I
said
that
the
road
gets
narrower
you
know
alcoholics
women
beautiful
women
you
don't
play
a
married
man
road
gets
narrower
he's
a
would
you
get
that
would
you
get
that
I
expect
to
be
question
I
said
out
of
the
book
should
the
Senate
because
I
wasn't
reading
a
book
and
I
didn't
know
that
particular
one
didn't
come
out
of
the
book
and
and
he
said
oh
really
I
knew
I
was
in
trouble
and
he
said
you
must
have
a
different
book
than
I
have
our
man
oh
no
he's
going
to
do
that
different
books
thing
on
me
because
in
my
book
on
page
fifty
five
look
at
page
numbers
my
book
on
page
fifty
five
it
says
why
don't
you
come
and
join
us
on
the
broad
highway
in
fact
in
my
book
on
page
seventy
five
it
says
you're
going
to
feel
like
you're
walking
with
the
spirit
of
the
universe
guess
where
on
the
broad
highway
so
my
big
book
says
brought
highway
twice
road
gets
narrower
nothing
this
year
book
no
no
I
I
you
know
I
was
just
trying
to
help
okay
you
know
and
I
wasn't
much
help
around
there
because
I
I
I
I
would
get
in
trouble
I
can
also
here's
the
deal
my
first
eight
months
in
a
I
didn't
have
a
home
group
I
went
to
a
lot
of
different
groups
and
I
didn't
have
a
sponsor
I
didn't
read
the
book
I
didn't
take
the
steps
I
didn't
have
a
commitment
and
I
was
drinking
every
day
but
but
other
than
that
I
you
know
had
a
pretty
good
program
going
on
and
and
the
only
thing
I
did
right
was
with
the
first
people
that
I
went
to
I
sought
a
meeting
told
me
to
do
I
kept
coming
back
first
eight
months
that's
all
I
did
right
and
I
start
to
fall
in
love
with
Alcoholics
Anonymous
all
man
I'm
a
sitting
in
a
meeting
I
think
in
the
first
I
was
thinking
about
the
bottle
that
I
had
under
the
seat
in
my
car
and
I
was
going
to
drink
on
the
way
home
and
people
started
sharing
and
everybody
that
shared
identified
with
than
I
thought
I
am
sitting
in
a
room
full
of
ducks
and
I
wasn't
even
Soviet
and
it
scared
me
because
I
never
fit
me
places
I
told
you
but
now
I'm
starting
to
fit
in
Alcoholics
Anonymous
except
that
I'm
drinking
no
one
one
night
I
came
home
from
a
meeting
and
I
I
bought
I
had
bought
a
fifth
the
whiskey
either
on
the
way
to
the
meeting
or
on
the
way
home
I
was
sometimes
I
buy
I'm
on
the
way
to
the
meeting
put
it
under
the
seat
and
not
open
it
is
still
sealed
and
then
on
the
way
home
I
drink
it
or
sometimes
that
showed
tremendous
restraint
and
when
I
got
home
to
drink
it
and
I
I
I
was
laying
on
the
floor
in
my
house
watching
television
drinking
this
fit
the
whiskey
and
I
passed
out
I
used
to
do
that
all
the
time
I
woke
up
about
three
AM
bottles
about
half
full
televisions
on
this
happened
this
is
where
I
usually
work
up
turn
off
the
TV
got
my
bottle
crawl
on
my
hands
and
knees
across
the
living
room
to
the
hallway
into
the
bedroom
to
go
to
bed
and
as
some
people
call
that
pitiful
incomprehensible
demoralization
that
I
just
called
to
going
to
bed
the
I
think
on
a
smart
to
crawl
and
I
could
crawl
golden
the
bottle
easy
enough
and
and
you
know
and
you
can't
fall
off
the
floor
so
they
are
so
I
got
in
my
bedroom
and
I
stood
up
to
take
my
clothes
off
and
when
I
did
I
I
lost
my
balance
which
was
not
uncommon
but
this
time
I
had
a
bottle
of
whiskey
my
hand
when
I
fell
on
my
knees
the
bottle
spilled
all
over
the
bed
and
I
picked
up
the
ball
real
quick
there
was
about
this
much
left
in
it
and
I
said
it
in
a
safe
place
and
I
grab
this
bedspread
because
it
there
was
this
little
lake
of
whiskey
spreading
out
into
the
bedspread
so
I
grabbed
it
and
gather
it
all
up
and
started
sucking
the
whiskey
are
and
I
have
talked
I
have
said
this
in
meetings
where
people
go
who
and
I
see
this
is
clearly
not
someone
who
is
ever
snorted
cocaine
off
of
the
floor
of
a
public
restroom
and
not
every
everyone
not
everyone
does
that
but
that's
where
the
whiskey
was
in
case
you're
wondering
why
I
was
checking
the
whiskey
on
the
bedspread
that's
where
it
was
and
the
fact
that
I
was
done
drinking
for
the
night
had
nothing
to
do
with
it
the
fact
that
there
was
whiskey
in
the
bottle
in
case
I
was
thirsty
not
a
black
didn't
enter
into
the
whiskey
was
in
the
bedspread
it
would
evaporate
if
I
left
it
over
night
and
I
am
not
a
person
to
waste
whiskey
always
my
life
but
not
whiskey
and
and
and
I
said
well
I
was
stuck
in
the
whiskey
out
of
this
bed
spread
and
and
I
know
I
heard
of
that
was
a
voice
in
my
head
an
audible
voice
in
my
head
it
said
a
man
that
ain't
right
what
at
a
right
man
you
can't
argue
with
that
voice
in
your
head
right
you
were
you
thirsty
I'm
not
thirsty
I'm
frugal
I
I'm
I'm
not
the
person
who
wish
things
you
know
and
I
I
and
I
I
looked
at
myself
second
whiskey
out
of
a
bedspread
and
I
thought
what's
wrong
with
me
you
know
I've
been
going
to
a
a
for
eight
months
regularly
and
I
have
not
learned
how
to
not
suck
whiskey
out
of
a
bedspread
maybe
I'm
one
of
those
losers
one
of
those
A.
A.
losers
that
hangs
out
outside
the
Alaina
club
for
twenty
years
and
never
get
sober
in
people
that
came
in
after
me
will
be
walking
through
with
their
response
sees
and
say
look
at
that
you
want
to
end
up
like
Doug
take
the
steps
I
that's
a
horrible
thing
to
think
you're
gonna
end
up
being
and
I
saw
no
other
direction
for
me
to
go
I
I
I
I
I
had
other
plans
for
my
life
Anna
I
don't
know
what
to
do
I
did
it
I
did
it
maybe
the
dumbest
thing
I've
ever
done
I
said
god
if
you're
there
please
help
me
it
I
see
it
was
dumb
because
I
didn't
believe
there
was
anybody
to
listen
I
did
not
believe
in
god
I
was
positive
there
was
no
such
thing
as
god
and
I
felt
simultaneously
sorry
for
people
who
did
think
it
and
and
envious
of
them
because
they
were
not
as
smart
as
me
and
they
could
call
upon
a
god
it
didn't
exist
and
it
seemed
to
help
them
but
I
was
way
too
smart
but
when
I
was
desperate
when
I
was
absolutely
crying
and
screaming
not
knowing
where
to
go
my
life
is
going
into
gutter
desperate
I
said
god
if
you're
there
please
help
me
and
I
meant
I
didn't
think
anybody
was
listening
went
to
bed
went
to
sleep
and
over
the
next
couple
weeks
interesting
things
happen
to
me
the
next
day
I
went
into
it
my
liquor
store
in
my
neighborhood
and
and
and
that
there
was
somebody
from
may
in
the
liquor
store
behind
the
counter
behind
the
counter
there
could
only
have
been
one
of
three
people
behind
that
counter
night
or
day
I
knew
all
of
them
they
knew
me
I
could
walk
into
the
liquor
store
lay
a
five
dollar
bill
on
the
table
and
they
would
give
me
a
half
pound
of
Bushmills
in
my
change
that's
the
way
the
relationship
that
I
had
with
this
liquor
store
but
I
walked
in
there
the
next
day
after
I
said
that
Britain
is
a
guy
from
a
and
I
said
Gee
and
I
didn't
tell
people
in
a
way
that
I
was
drinking
some
of
noticed
it
in
California
they
give
chips
for
thirty
days
sixty
days
ninety
days
six
months
of
sobriety
nine
months
of
sobriety
I
had
taken
a
lot
of
chips
everyone's
while
I
got
you
know
anybody
the
first
thirty
days
Doug
alcoholic
anybody
with
less
than
thirty
days
demagog
Holly
anybody
in
the
first
thirty
days
of
riding
lessons
yes
Doug
I'll
dug
out
the
hot
dog
on
a
holiday
I
just
got
tired
of
raising
my
hand
one
day
and
they
said
anybody
with
less
than
thirty
days
and
I
started
to
read
and
I
said
you
don't
want
none
of
their
business
none
of
their
business
it's
embarrassing
to
do
this
I've
been
coming
here
for
six
eight
weeks
and
I
still
have
less
than
thirty
days
and
I'm
drinking
every
day
is
going
to
be
a
long
time
before
I
have
thirty
days
so
I
didn't
raise
my
hand
and
then
a
girl
that
was
sitting
at
the
table
said
to
a
friend
does
got
thirty
days
because
I
didn't
raise
my
hand
and
I
realized
what
happened
I
didn't
mean
to
deceive
anybody
and
and
but
I
I
don't
know
what
to
do
so
then
they
said
anybody
want
to
get
thirty
eight
chips
I
don't
want
to
barrister
so
I
took
a
thirty
HM
I
make
her
look
like
a
fool
she
was
on
may
thirteenth
step
list
and
mmhm
the
thirty
eight
year
but
everybody
was
like
delighted
yeah
all
right
I
made
these
alcoholic
so
happy
and
I
would
spreading
joy
all
over
Los
Angeles
taken
thirty
day
trips
and
then
it
once
was
somebody
would
smell
me
and
they
and
they
say
you
smell
like
whiskey
you
been
drinking
and
you
know
there's
not
you
have
nothing
to
do
really
have
a
sober
alcoholic
says
you
smell
like
whiskey
you
smell
it
what
he
can
do
always
on
a
twelve
step
call
in
some
new
cover
spilled
all
over
me
go
to
my
pores
in
my
mouth
thanks
yeah
yeah
I'm
fine
so
so
I
would
say
I
I
drank
let
you
down
on
item
list
down
your
alcoholic
you
gonna
drink
welcome
back
in
a
big
new
comer
chip
there
newcomer
chips
okay
so
now
I
got
a
different
sobriety
date
at
that
meeting
you
know
and
but
I
still
have
my
other
one
is
some
other
ones
that
I
was
going
to
I
had
four
different
sobriety
date
by
the
fourth
time
I
got
different
meetings
you
know
yeah
it
but
but
this
week
of
of
after
I
said
this
prayer
I
had
no
intention
of
stopping
drinking
I
went
in
there
like
I
didn't
buy
any
alcohol
at
that
liquor
store
I
went
to
another
liquor
store
and
got
it
and
and
then
a
couple
days
later
I
was
at
a
restaurant
I
was
in
a
Mexican
restaurant
the
part
of
town
that
I
hadn't
been
in
normally
and
start
order
drink
in
the
waitress
is
somebody
I
know
for
may
Hey
how
you
doing
it's
a
good
I'm
in
the
market
in
the
supermarket
in
the
liquor
department
and
and
pushing
my
cart
through
the
Looking
department
to
reach
out
for
a
bottle
somebody
from
AA
is
pushing
a
cart
towards
me
one
day
at
a
time
keep
it
simple
isn't
it
a
beautiful
life
and
so
this
was
happening
to
me
all
the
time
and
one
time
and
for
a
couple
weeks
it
was
happening
every
day
and
after
a
couple
of
weeks
went
by
I
was
on
the
way
to
work
one
morning
at
six
thirty
in
the
morning
and
I've
just
finished
a
half
point
of
Bushmills
Irish
whiskey
and
and
in
California
it's
against
the
law
to
have
open
containers
even
if
they're
empty
so
and
plus
they're
useless
so
I
roll
down
the
window
and
I
and
I
was
going
to
throw
it
out
the
window
and
and
a
guy
from
a
is
coming
towards
me
at
six
thirty
in
the
morning
and
he
sees
me
anyways
and
I
threw
a
bottle
out
the
window
and
you
know
to
me
that
north
it's
going
to
get
anything
and
I
thought
well
these
people
coming
from
every
time
I
return
bring
to
some
a
a
member
and
and
I
thought
you
know
it's
like
those
damn
miracles
of
people
talk
about
in
the
meetings
soon
as
I
thought
the
word
miracle
I
could
hear
god
laughing
I
pull
the
car
over
the
side
of
the
road
and
I
sat
there
and
thought
about
I
had
been
on
my
knees
two
weeks
ago
and
I
said
god
if
you're
there
please
help
me
and
since
then
these
weird
things
have
been
happening
things
that
if
you
told
me
the
day
before
they
happen
to
me
and
call
the
miracles
I
would
have
ran
about
miracles
interesting
coincidence
but
when
they
happen
to
me
and
I
recognized
him
and
they
happen
frequently
and
it
way
more
AA
members
than
than
the
population
would
indicate
and
and
I
recognize
him
as
miracles
and
I
realize
I
had
been
on
my
knees
and
ask
god
for
help
and
I
clearly
got
the
help
that
I
asked
for
Anna
and
I
was
shocked
and
I
couldn't
drive
and
I
felt
to
me
like
a
warm
fog
came
into
the
car
Anna
and
I
felt
safe
and
I've
it
was
my
second
step
I
didn't
realize
it
at
the
time
but
it's
it's
it's
the
moment
that
I
came
to
believe
that
a
power
greater
than
me
which
would
risk
could
restore
me
to
sanity
and
I
I
still
think
that's
going
to
happen
at
I'm
in
no
hurry
you
know
god's
time
but
it's
when
I
started
to
hear
the
music
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
and
I'll
tell
you
the
music
is
the
music
is
what
what
saved
my
life
because
before
that
moment
before
I
came
to
believe
I
couldn't
hear
the
music
and
and
and
as
I
told
you
earlier
I
have
a
musical
background
and
I
and
I
I
only
heard
the
lyrics
and
it
didn't
make
any
sense
without
the
music
and
what
I'm
so
that
way
I
can
explain
it
when
I
had
thirty
days
when
I've
been
sober
for
thirty
days
I
wanted
to
thirty
eight
chip
I
had
enough
chips
to
open
a
casino
but
but
you
know
they
give
these
poker
chips
and
and
I
I
went
to
the
Burbank
group
which
is
a
group
they
gave
chips
and
cakes
on
Thursday
night
now
that
my
thirty
days
and
they
said
anybody
for
thirty
days
and
I
got
up
and
I
took
a
chip
and
on
this
ship
it
was
my
first
honest
yet
but
I
had
thirty
days
and
I
said
I'm
done
I'm
an
alcoholic
hi
Doug
and
I
felt
like
a
member
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
I
really
felt
like
a
member
and
and
it's
at
I
sat
down
to
watch
people
take
sixty
to
ninety
is
a
six
month
chipped
in
nine
months
yet
and
people
to
birthday
cakes
and
I
was
just
as
happy
about
somebody
taking
a
one
year
cake
or
twenty
year
take
or
OR
nine
months
chip
as
I
was
about
my
own
ship
and
that's
not
me
that's
not
who
I
am
take
my
word
for
it
you
know
and
and
I
I
just
felt
like
such
an
a
a
member
and
I
got
up
I
was
glowing
I
went
to
get
my
coffee
at
the
coffee
break
and
a
guy
stop
me
there
and
he
said
that
congratulations
on
your
thirty
days
I
think
he
said
you
know
what
the
secret
is
and
I
said
to
know
that
you
don't
drink
don't
drink
and
he
said
hang
on
he
said
that's
the
whole
deal
here
hang
on
you
think
you
can
do
that
and
I
said
that's
what
I've
been
doing
it
is
to
keep
doing
it
C.
it
took
what
I
know
now
I
know
what
the
secret
is
not
quite
okay
I
know
what
the
secret
is
you
know
I
know
some
****
now
and
so
I
like
I'm
I
go
to
get
my
coffee
and
there's
a
guy
named
Jim
be
at
the
Burbank
group
is
one
of
these
old
timers
and
they
got
it
you
may
be
having
up
here
in
the
United
States
they
got
these
old
timers
at
our
back
slapping
great
hand
grab
an
alcoholic
young
man
you
know
well
you
know
what
and
he's
a
he's
a
son
congratulations
on
that
thirty
days
I
think
that
he
said
you
know
what
the
secret
is
yep
hang
on
and
he
said
no
let
go
okay
all
right
the
old
timers
are
diametrically
opposed
what
the
secretive
sobriety
is
but
I'm
okay
with
that
because
I
hear
the
music
and
the
words
are
not
making
a
fool
of
me
anymore
I'm
not
scratching
my
head
over
the
words
here
because
I'm
hearing
the
music
they
just
lyrics
the
guy
who
said
hang
on
is
talking
about
keep
coming
back
stay
close
stay
in
the
middle
of
the
herd
they
say
that's
what
he's
talking
about
about
hang
on
the
guy
who
said
let
go
is
talking
about
let
go
and
let
god
surrender
junction
used
to
say
came
here
tonight
to
tell
you
to
surrender
they
would
say
it
twice
and
that's
the
way
I
feel
about
the
music
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
because
the
music
made
the
difference
for
me
once
I
heard
the
music
that
the
words
were
messed
me
around
I
used
to
when
they
would
read
chapter
five
at
at
meetings
how
it
works
and
they
would
talk
about
honesty
people
who
don't
get
so
busy
to
be
constitutionally
incapable
of
being
honest
with
themselves
and
even
people
with
great
emotional
mental
disorders
can
stay
sober
if
they
have
the
capacity
to
be
honest
not
just
regular
honesty
or
no
rigorous
honesty
yeah
rigorous
on
real
serious
about
this
honesty
is
not
the
kind
honest
you're
thinking
about
really
I
don't
know
I'm
not
even
like
the
regular
kind
of
honest
you
know
you
know
I'm
I'm
I
like
the
most
honest
I
ever
was
was
when
my
first
wife
said
to
me
Doug
tell
me
the
truth
did
you
sleep
with
my
sister
and
I
said
no
not
a
wink
at
it
because
it
and
this
is
your
is
it
you
know
as
honest
as
I
could
be
I
don't
you
don't
mean
to
deceive
you
can't
help
but
sometimes
it's
just
better
Anna
and
I'll
say
when
I'm
I'm
sixteen
years
and
three
months
over
and
sometimes
I'll
lie
I
only
do
it
when
I'm
divinely
directed
yeah
you
can
you
can
tell
when
god
wants
you
to
fail
you
have
a
yes
No
he
if
my
wife
says
to
me
does
this
dress
make
me
look
fat
rigorous
honesty
no
honey
I
think
it's
the
Haagen
das
yeah
yeah
you
know
the
dress
looks
fine
on
the
hanger
let's
go
try
this
go
try
it
on
the
skinny
blonde
next
door
makes
for
an
attractive
some
wrong
with
that
dress
waiters
waiters
in
nice
restaurants
I'd
like
to
them
all
the
time
when
they
say
Sir
would
you
like
a
cocktail
before
dinner
and
I
say
no
thank
you
okay
that's
okay
that's
all
right
with
god
I'm
not
going
to
get
drunk
over
that
I'm
I
get
drunk
and
I
told
the
truth
well
you
know
what
how
would
I
like
a
cocktail
instead
of
dinner
I
like
to
mess
up
and
I
got
a
I
like
a
double
Bushmills
need
Margarita
back
and
keep
coming
I
got
a
pocket
full
of
plastic
we
don't
party
tonight
more
no
no
I'm
just
kidding
I'm
I'm
playing
with
you
could
actually
turns
out
I
have
a
disease
it's
seasonal
allergy
Middle
obsession
spiritual
bankruptcy
do
you
want
that
in
your
nice
restaurant
you
know
so
so
this
one
is
it
rigorously
you
know
when
you
start
to
hear
the
music
the
words
are
not
I
lied
to
my
sponsor
one
time
maybe
more
than
once
but
one
time
my
smile
you're
not
supposed
to
live
your
sponsor
that's
like
self
honesty
it's
a
con
artist
you
nuts
but
my
sponsor
who
is
Steve
at
the
time
you
know
I
call
myself
kind
of
rent
and
I
had
this
argument
and
listen
to
this
she's
wrong
listen
and
I
told
him
and
he
didn't
say
she
was
right
or
wrong
she
was
she
was
wrong
and
I
can
and
he
said
well
I
see
your
point
you
know
would
you
rather
be
right
or
happy
and
I
lied
to
my
I
said
right
no
I
said
happy
that's
right
idea
I
guess
because
because
there's
there's
nothing
makes
me
happier
than
being
right
and
a
half
but
I
know
that
happy
is
the
right
answer
in
and
I
said
that
it
is
up
and
and
I
and
I'm
with
the
cat
out
the
bag
your
sometimes
people
who
are
so
over
a
long
time
we'll
misquote
the
big
book
and
I
may
have
done
it
tonight
I
hope
I
didn't
but
if
I
did
and
you
know
if
I
did
this
is
if
you
if
you
know
what
I
said
and
you
go
check
it
out
in
the
book
and
it
turns
out
it
that
is
what
the
book
says
I'm
okay
with
that
and
I
would
like
for
you
to
call
me
my
number
in
the
United
States
is
area
code
eight
one
eight
three
five
three
four
six
zero
seven
call
me
and
tell
me
where
I
misquoted
the
book
I
love
that
I
hardly
ever
get
calls
like
that
but
I
love
it
I
mean
somebody
reading
the
book
you
know
but
I
I
wasn't
reading
the
book
when
I
was
newly
sober
I
want
people
to
tell
me
what
it's
at
a
woman's
at
our
book
says
I'm
listening
she
says
our
book
says
that
are
drinking
was
but
a
symptom
of
deeper
underlying
causes
and
conditions
it
does
this
is
exactly
that
then
she
went
on
their
own
stuff
without
so
you
suppose
if
you
add
your
own
stuff
you're
supposed
to
say
and
my
opinion
is
but
she
didn't
know
that
she
was
on
a
roll
she
said
and
if
you
don't
find
your
deeper
underlying
causing
condition
you're
going
to
get
drunk
again
you
will
drink
again
well
I
thought
that
was
in
the
book
I
don't
know
if
you
made
that
up
I
don't
know
what
my
deeper
underlying
causing
condition
is
I
have
no
idea
I
I
just
you
know
I
was
I
was
going
out
with
this
girl
somebody's
if
you
get
a
drug
you'll
get
the
home
run
you
know
which
is
like
and
it's
a
baseball
term
but
you
know
you
can
imagine
what
it
means
and
and
so
I
can
took
some
dry
bought
a
bottle
of
Rainier
ale
which
was
a
national
beverage
of
the
town
where
I
grew
up
in
a
way
I
sit
here
you
know
I
wouldn't
want
to
drink
I
would
be
happy
to
see
you
drink
this
you
know
and
let
me
know
when
you're
ready
hello
but
I
just
I
just
drank
some
she
drank
some
and
and
enter
it
turned
out
my
friend
was
right
you
know
it
I
did
get
a
home
run
that
night
in
that
and
I
got
drunk
and
I
like
both
of
those
things
someone
do
both
these
things
much
as
I
can
rest
my
life
and
that
and
so
I
know
what
my
deeper
underlying
causing
condition
without
income
from
an
alcoholic
family
I
know
a
lot
of
people
in
a
do
but
my
my
my
dad
was
a
kind
of
guy
who
would
buy
a
six
pack
of
beer
and
drink
one
put
five
in
the
refrigerator
they
would
stay
in
the
refrigerator
all
week
do
you
think
about
you
know
I
I've
got
nothing
against
refrigerators
I
just
don't
think
it
should
get
five
and
I
should
get
one
my
dad
would
it
would
be
working
on
a
car
in
on
a
Saturday
or
watching
a
game
or
working
in
the
yard
to
stop
and
have
a
beer
you
know
drink
the
beer
go
back
to
what
he
was
doing
I
don't
drink
like
that
if
I
have
a
beer
that's
what
I'm
doing
and
and
whatever
I
was
doing
before
could
have
been
very
important
why
would
I
stop
to
have
a
beer
and
so
I
don't
know
what
my
deeper
underlying
causing
you
to
my
mother
to
my
mother
maybe
an
alcoholic
I
don't
know
you
can't
tell
but
she
won't
drink
and
then
they
won't
break
you
can't
tell
and
I
would
watch
you
know
I
mean
when
I
got
sober
I
want
to
know
why
I
am
an
alcoholic
what
is
this
maybe
I'm
some
other
kind
of
alcoholic
didn't
you
can
only
go
like
a
couple
years
without
drinking
then
you're
okay
or
some
you
know
and
I
didn't
have
this
genetic
predisposition
and
I
asked
my
mother
what
time
why
don't
you
drink
are
you
an
alcoholic
and
she
looks
like
what
I
don't
know
how
I
don't
know
maybe
she
said
when
I
was
young
I
used
to
drink
and
every
time
I
drank
I
got
six
two
but
not
not
just
to
just
quit
and
I
support
you
well
you
gotta
drink
through
that
if
there
are
so
I
don't
know
why
I'm
an
alcoholic
but
that
doesn't
matter
why
I'm
an
alcoholic
I'm
an
alcoholic
in
the
your
this
product
okay
so
he
hates
this
part
of
my
story
so
so
I'm
looking
back
over
my
life
to
see
why
I
am
not
one
what's
my
and
my
what's
my
problem
what
what's
what's
the
turning
point
in
my
life
and
I
I
really
when
I
was
twenty
four
years
old
I
went
to
it
I
went
to
the
theater
to
see
a
show
called
hair
it
was
hippies
since
nineteen
sixty
nine
did
the
singing
and
dancing
and
it
was
a
Broadway
show
a
sex
drugs
and
rock
and
roll
and
I
thought
and
there
was
a
character
named
burger
that
swung
on
a
rope
and
stripped
down
to
a
low
in
cost
and
scream
and
it's
rock
and
roll
and
and
I
I
I
could
do
that
so
I
went
to
audition
for
the
show
I
didn't
go
back
to
when
I
was
out
the
next
day
I
called
him
at
the
theater
I
said
I
want
to
be
on
your
show
and
they
said
that
okay
see
they
should
have
your
agent
call
us
but
they
didn't
they
said
this
in
nineteen
sixty
nine
was
a
different
thing
and
and
they
said
that
come
down
Friday
at
one
o'clock
you
got
noticed
what's
your
name
I
wrote
down
the
road
on
Friday
one
o'clock
I
gotten
auditions
on
Friday
morning
I'm
home
with
my
guitar
practice
in
this
song
I'm
going
to
sink
it
I
know
this
is
a
Broadway
show
and
I
can
sing
I'm
a
singer
and
and
I'm
not
a
dancer
I
don't
know
how
to
dance
I
never
danced
in
my
life
this
is
a
Broadway
show
but
maybe
if
I
sing
good
enough
and
I'm
a
singer
they
are
this
I
don't
care
if
you
can
dance
just
come
and
sing
with
us
you
know
some
cracks
in
the
song
I'm
gonna
sing
and
I
broke
a
string
on
my
guitar
and
and
hippies
in
thank
you
sixty
nine
we
were
like
bad
karma
man
you
know
and
and
so
I
went
in
my
roommate's
room
to
see
if
he
had
the
string
that
I
needed
and
there
was
right
on
his
dresser
a
little
in
this
little
envelope
the
D.
string
and
now
I'm
like
oh
good
karma
is
tested
so
I
picked
up
the
skin
underneath
a
little
envelope
there
was
a
white
capsule
I
thought
I
wonder
what
this
is
nine
open
because
you
know
we
didn't
have
a
a
physician's
desk
reference
you
you
had
to
swallow
test
everything
and
and
that's
the
way
we
find
out
what
it
was
and
you
know
if
somebody
if
somebody
died
you
go
don't
eat
the
green
shirt
and
you
know
it's
real
simple
so
I
I
it
turned
out
this
was
T.
H.
C.
a
synthetic
marijuana
which
was
a
very
nice
psychedelic
and
and
and
so
by
the
time
I
got
down
to
the
greatest
theater
to
do
my
audition
I
was
floating
I
just
floated
in
there
and
I
had
my
hair
was
long
over
my
shoulders
and
switched
when
I
walked
in
I
had
this
vest
on
with
with
six
layers
of
red
white
and
blue
leather
friends
foot
long
you
know
and
no
shirt
on
and
I
was
like
a
walking
wind
chime
when
I
walk
and
and
it's
floating
and
they
call
my
name
and
they
told
me
to
bring
some
sheet
music
and
it
they
dug
well
yes
I'm
right
here
I
went
up
on
the
on
the
stage
and
I
had
in
my
sheet
music
to
the
piano
player
he
opened
it
he
smiled
yeah
good
choice
you
know
and
he
started
playing
pop
back
I
said
I
think
there's
a
rigorous
honesty
I
feel
very
good
and
and
I
did
this
James
Brown
song
and
I
thought
I
was
the
godfather
of
soul
and
that
could
fall
down
and
I
want
to
do
and
and
and
and
they
I
finished
and
they
said
great
man
great
scream
and
rock
and
roll
we
love
that
can
you
do
something
a
little
mellower
just
so
we
get
a
range
sure
so
I
went
on
a
couple
of
region
of
Otis
Redding's
dock
of
the
bay
and
the
piano
player
picked
up
a
felon
with
me
we
were
in
the
pocket
don't
change
and
I'll
just
oh
man
I
made
myself
cry
and
and
finishing
this
great
man
great
we
just
got
to
see
you
dance
I
said
in
the
piano
player
started
playing
and
I
start
to
move
when
I
see
my
here
coming
around
the
friends
on
this
dress
is
going
and
I
heard
somebody
say
Jesus
can
you
dance
because
you
know
alcohol
and
drugs
did
for
me
when
I
couldn't
do
for
myself
while
not
due
until
the
bitter
end
and
they
hired
me
they
hired
me
to
go
to
Las
Vegas
with
their
opening
a
new
show
so
they
could
that
I
could
play
the
part
of
this
crazy
speed
freak
sex
crazed
leader
of
the
tribe
you
know
it's
a
stretch
but
I
could
do
it
in
a
we
did
six
months
in
Vegas
and
then
we
went
on
the
road
we
went
on
the
road
we
go
all
of
United
States
and
Canada
and
and
do
the
show
for
a
week
here
in
two
weeks
there
three
weeks
here
and
and
we
did
this
for
three
and
a
half
years
three
years
half
year
in
in
Vegas
and
three
years
on
the
road
and
I
looked
and
it
was
a
great
experience
when
people
come
up
to
us
after
the
meeting
after
that
meeting
after
the
show
and
say
you
beautiful
man
your
beautiful
house
apartment
since
the
median
value
allowing
Panama
red
go
cool
somebody
else
will
come
up
and
go
great
man
has
a
massive
man
windowpane
honestly
purple
haze
orange
sunshine
all
cool
you
know
it's
going
to
give
us
all
these
drugs
for
free
and
and
then
some
girl
will
come
up
and
go
if
you
take
me
along
well
okay
then
at
you
know
I
it
was
a
good
job
and
when
I
look
back
at
that
experience
is
it
man
they
used
me
they
took
advantage
of
me
I
just
wanted
to
sing
and
dance
and
make
people
happy
you
know
and
they
ruined
me
they
made
me
and
a
drug
addict
and
an
alcoholic
and
now
I'm
in
AA
I
call
my
sponsor
I
said
I
I
found
it
would
you
find
out
my
deeper
underlying
cause
and
condition
well
let's
hear
that
you
should
here
here
maybe
we
shave
your
hair
off
you
can
say
so
not
my
hair
the
show
here
number
I
told
you
when
I
used
to
be
a
big
star
travel
around
the
country
and
you
know
yeah
big
star
forget
about
that
yeah
but
you
told
me
you
were
loaded
when
you
audition
for
that
show
yeah
yeah
I
had
told
him
too
much
and
the
he
said
M.
J.
as
in
most
people
non
alcoholic
people
when
they
go
to
interview
for
a
job
they
really
want
won't
take
a
drug
they
can't
identify
okay
you
know
he
clearly
learned
that
it's
sponsored
school
and
so
I
did
all
right
then
I
don't
know
what
my
deep
underlying
cause
and
condition
is
maybe
I'll
get
drunk
and
he
said
maybe
you
will
but
if
you
do
you're
gonna
have
to
swallow
alcohol
don't
do
that
meanwhile
if
you
want
to
look
for
trying
to
give
you
some
to
do
between
meetings
tomorrow
you
go
to
another
meeting
tomorrow
you
call
me
and
tomorrow
you
read
that
book
my
first
one
to
tell
me
you
read
that
book
every
day
if
you
can't
read
it
page
repair
if
you
can't
reach
read
a
chapter
read
a
page
you
can't
read
it
page
read
a
paragraph
you
need
to
stay
on
it
you
need
to
do
it
every
day
and
that's
the
best
advice
I
ever
got
in
a
city
where
we're
not
in
a
hurry
with
this
thing
but
you
need
to
stay
on
it
and
that
was
great
advice
for
me
and
I
never
did
find
my
deeper
underlying
causing
condition
I
finally
settled
on
trauma
from
circumcision
you
know
I
I
I
don't
remember
it
but
it
must
have
been
dramatic
a
with
the
make
me
a
little
restless
irritable
and
discontent
it
today
have
it
happen
so
I
don't
know
you
know
but
what
I
did
find
it
here
was
the
music
and
that
has
worked
for
me
for
sixteen
years
and
three
months
and
if
you're
new
if
you
knew
an
Alcoholics
Anonymous
please
stay
close
stay
close
you
you
will
hear
the
music
there's
a
rhythm
and
harmony
in
a
melody
that
runs
through
this
thing
and
it
makes
the
words
make
sense
and
when
you
hear
you
said
that's
what
that
guy
was
talking
about
that's
what
he
was
talking
about
in
fact
if
you
shared
a
laugh
with
us
tonight
that's
the
music
that's
it
you're
part
of
the
band
welcomed
Alcoholics
Anonymous