The Friday evening speaker at the Road to Recovery convention

talk about what goes with
hello everyone my name is Doug row and I am grateful alcoholic
I like that
I have
I want to tell you when I was six years old
I was in the first grade
and I had just come to the first grade from summer we're off school in the summer and we just came back in the fall to school and my six my first grade teacher said I want everyone in the room come up to the
up to the front of the room and tell us what you did this summer
I was in Los Angeles area
and my so someone one of my one of my contemporaries came up
and in the front and said my family went to Boston
this summer and told about going to Boston and in seeing
all of the
all the engine sites of Boston and and someone else went to Niagara Falls and I didn't do anything in the summer and I felt less than
so after I was maybe ten or eleven number ten or eleven of the of the students and I went up and I looked at the map on the way up map of the globe
I picked out of a place
and I said that this year this summer my family went to Iceland
we went to Iceland we flew there and the plane airplane landed and we had to put on these big coats with fur on the on the station and bundle up and I I didn't know anything about Iceland except that the name was ice land and and might still and of course I I achieve the the desired effect everyone was very impressed and and that
a few weeks later when they had what they call a parent teacher conference in the parents come and talk to the teacher and my teacher asked my mother how is it that your family I decided to go to Iceland for the summer
and my mother said
what what what makes his deductible is that you went to Iceland and
my mother said no we we were going to go to Arizona but we decided not to and
so that was the the last time I thought about Iceland
until Carl called me a few months ago and Carl you know Carl
who started Alcoholics Anonymous in the Iceland
which is Carl
exactly was the influential in in helping helping to some some functions in a a good start in life and but Carl called me and asked me would you like to go to Iceland and I said yeah I
yes I would you know that I I can hardly when I get back I'm going to see if my first grade teacher is still alive
it's
I did go to ice my
and I actually thought probably until I was that well over fifty years old that when you landed it on a plane in Iceland you actually did have to put on an Eskimo parka I I didn't know anything about this country my
my girlfriend got me a book about Iceland and I was amazed as I turned the pages and found out that there is a culture and
our
this is the theater and sculpture
and has been for some time evidently
and it seems like if I had come here in the first grade that's what I would have found it and so so I'm I'm I'm I'm just delighted to be here I and I like doing this I hate it I know some very very good eight speakers yeah and in Los Angeles who you you love to hear them speak because they talk about the steps and this is the spiritual awakening and the and the sober life in a way that is so inspiring but they don't like doing it they'd rather not in their barracks when they're asked to do it they do it because they're courageous and they're dedicated and I I'm not either one of those things but I
but and I don't even know if I'm a good speaker and I really couldn't care less
but I love doing I love doing this I think that talking at an Alcoholics Anonymous function is the most fun you can have with your pants on
when someone calls me and says would you like to would you like to come to our town and talk about yourself for an hour
yes I would
yes I would I really would it end up so I I but that's that's the way I am I I wanted to be the speaker at the first meeting I ever went to and but I was I was a little drunk
I would like to walk you know but
I was noticeably intoxicated and and so they didn't ask me
they almost never do they hardly ever say let's get the drunk guy to talk
but they they welcome to me they welcome me to my first meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous as a matter of fact it was a meeting it was a Friday night speaker meeting
I don't remember who spoke of what they said I remember but I remember things that happened at the meeting before the meeting started three separate people
two men and a woman individually not not a welcoming committee three separate people noticed there's a new guy here came over to me put out your hand and said to your new
and it wasn't a question they said your new at and I I said yeah yeah and they said welcome
keep coming back
yeah I I I don't know if that's a common phrase in in Iceland but in in the United States they always say keep coming back you can get up and say I hate Alcoholics Anonymous I think you're all a bunch of morons you you you you just follow each other you follow each other right off the cliff like a bunch of money I'm out here I'll never come back and we say keep coming back
in fact if there's if there's someone here tonight
who is new
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say I I you may have some ideas some really good ideas about how to improve Alcoholics Anonymous
and if you do I'd like to suggest that you talk to Siggy up here and there and tell him your ideas at and then chances are sick you will say
keep coming back
is that so we say
and your money and you should you should keep going back at my first meeting the three people that said keep coming back made me feel like I was wanted here
the people in my life people
who genuinely cared about the people who Love Me we're not saying keep coming back
people who knew me were saying don't come over here
stay away done in
the hello this is Doug
Hey listen I thought I come and visit for awhile are you guys you guys home
no no we're not gonna get nowhere
we just leave and we're just walking out the door yeah we won't we will be home for a long time
so you don't go over here
okay
love you mom
I'm not kidding I got uninvited to a wedding
they invited me first they invited me they sent me the the the the too many envelopes and all the stuff that they send for a wedding invitations and I responded yes I'm coming to the wedding and send it back I bought a wedding present Iraq it was sitting on my table waiting for Saturday morning when the wedding was and and my friend Bob called Thursday night and he said them Doug as what's up up
well you know Caroline I've been talking about it and we'd like for you to not come to the wedding
and and I you know most people normal people if they got a call like that would have not offended would at least be curious you know I'm like why is that Bob gosh I hope it's not a thing I did
you know did you over book the room amenity you need the room I didn't say that I fact I seem like a good idea to me thank
good idea Bob tell Carol I'm really proud of that's very courageous to do that and it's a good idea yeah because I I we had all been a wedding the weekend before that and
and you know the term moon I move the bride's mother
which if you're not acquainted with
colloquial English that means I pull down my pants and stuck my **** out at the bride's mother the bride's mother and you know I. T. that's considered it in California that's a social faux pas yeah you're not supposed to do that and and so
at a wedding and a
and and I I didn't go there to the moon the bride's mother I I I went there to be part of a joyful experience for friends of mine and and and they had an open bar where you don't pay for the drinks
what what do they do that
bad combination open bar invite Doug
so I you know that everybody was dancing and laughing and having a good time and I just thought you know what to be funny to show my ****
and the
so I I pull them I hate
and what all of a sudden you could've heard a pin drop in there it was silent
and it shouldn't be somebody should laugh
that's what I intended in in
we were going to go man that Doug is crazy you know
the crazy guy I mean but they did they and they did but friends of mine told me I and then when when everybody is quiet and you know people should be laughing this is that you it's a real uncomfortable for a moment
because all you can do is casually get dressed act right now
so that's what I did it but friends of mine
me aside and and said that a man was met with you
what's wrong with you man you moon the bride's mother done
excuse me I thought it was the groom's mother
right now but you know I didn't do it in the ceremony
I was at the reception for Christ's sake one of my animal
so they knew I didn't get it and then they and then they send somebody nicknamed me Doug's gusting I am not
that was my nickname for a long time decks guesting and resulted that sucks so what I'm saying is for strangers people I never met to come up to me and say keep coming back was not something I was used to at all in that you know I mean that wedding I didn't go to the wedding of that that I was uninvited to and it seems like it came off all right that in your anything bad about it I'd already bought a wedding present but that's okay I just drank it myself as soon as I see heads nodding you know what I'm talking about I did it when I came to Alcoholics Anonymous I knew I wasn't going to fit
I knew I wouldn't sit here
I never fit any place in my life
I didn't fit in school
because I lied to a but I just want
but but I didn't fit in school and I didn't fit in the workplace and I didn't fit my own family
in the in high school I I
people like me are I didn't dislike me but I didn't fit anywhere I I I played the sports I played football not you know not just what we call soccer you call football most of the world because of football but we already had a football and soccer got there's a we call it soccer but what I think I played American football and I like football I enjoy it I had a good time but I wasn't a jock or wasn't a sports person and and and I knew it in the jocks knew it and so I didn't sit there and surfing I grew up in California everybody served I serve I like serving I was a good server but I wasn't I wasn't a server on the server
you know I surfed but I wasn't surprised served with the servers but I wasn't one and I knew it and they knew it and I love motorcycles since I was fifteen years old I've always had a motorcycle I was always building a motorcycle and riding a motorcycle I love motorcycles but I wasn't a biker I never was a biker I rode with the bikers I wasn't when they knew it I knew it and and and that's just the way it's always been there when I came to a a I knew it wasn't a fit here there was a lot of reasons for one year you all were not drinking I knew that I knew that alcoholics in AA didn't drink but you seem to be awfully happy about it yeah and that was not going to be my case
if indeed I stopped drinking I was going to be unhappy about it which was okay because I had been happy a long time and I had used up my share of laughing you know no more laughing for dog time to get serious yeah it's over and then I went in and I saw all these people are just so happy they had this this the this smile that we called I called the Jesus sunshine smile you know it was just like you instead of saying do you know my lord
they would say yeah how long are you sober
any day now
yeah
that was my first meeting I mean the three people came up and to keep coming back and it takes almost in California they
most of the most of the United States calls a celebration of years of sobriety anniversaries but in California we don't we call on birthdays because when you have a anniversary you just have a meeting once a month and everybody who got sober in that month will celebrate and talk you know say thank you but in California southern California anyway we call on birthdays and then you get to have a cake with candles on it and sing and sing Happy Birthday to you everybody sings the sing off key as a rule
no I didn't know this so when I went to my first meeting they said
we have a big a treat tonight Ruth is celebrating her eighteenth birthday
and I'm going so I thought well this is kind of cool they celebrate people's birthdays
no if I stay here till may still celebrate my birthday some looking around for Ruth I know route to some eighteen year old tiny hide you know and and she's
some looking around for rules and the rules gets up yeah
good
she was presentable she was made up dressed up and happy but she was fifty years old if he was a day
and I looked and I thought if she's eighteen she needs to stop drinking
yeah you see a
you look bad you just a little bit for a teenager and
and so and then I you know I realize it the woman could not be eighteen years old
and it ended suddenly started I started with this is Alcoholics Anonymous they don't drink here
then why would they celebrate somebody's birthday there
she's sober eighteen years this woman is not drink for eighteen years I didn't know that you did that and then they did something else I didn't know they did they started saying in happy birthday to you Happy Birthday to you
dear Ruth and I just quit but for different keys
and tickled about it nobody's going sooner we in the same here
and they're just sitting in them and just delighted about it and I'm just thinking okay I'm definitely not going to sit here because I I I have a musical background
and produce a paving in in dissident off key courses is irritating to me I I I and and plus it's lame it's a real way it's it's a level of lameness I never imagined existed
and I and I thought
if I was going to make up something about a a to make fun of it I wouldn't have thought of the singing Happy Birthday thing and I and so I they get out and risk it's up to the podium and she says my name is Ruth and I'm an alcoholic that's what everybody says hi Ruth and
him
I was so embarrassed for you all because because I I I was so cool
then I not only didn't sing off key with you I didn't even sit down at my first meeting there was about maybe three hundred people at that meeting good size meeting there were chairs there were empty chairs I could sit down fat people came I was leaning against the back wall because
show me something let's see what you got and and people come up with that would you like to sit down there's a chair over here no that's our
hi I'm fine here I'm I'm not a member
I'm just
just viewing I'm visiting I'm a I'm I'm auditing the class yeah you know I'm just checking it out okay fact I'm not a I'm a I'm a loner I'm not a joiner I'm a I'm an outlaw I'm a desperado
yeah I'm a loner back don't get used to me around here because I break your heart you'll be looking around where is done I'll be so gone I'm gone I'm long
break your heart just don't get used to me around here outlawed desperado okay
not a joiner all right what can you can you keep it down we're trying to have a meeting over here
yeah fine so
so
I wasn't sitting I was standing against the back wall but there was another guy we were two of us we're too cool to sit with the cool section we're like in back there and and but this other guy I found out
was a member
his job in that meeting was to it he was a newcomer catcher and
so he stood against the back wall looking cool say he was the coolest looking guy they have the meeting so they put him back there to catch me hi this is
so I
I'm
when Ruth Ruth says this risk it's up to take a cake hi Ruth
I I want you to know that over this last eighteen years of sobriety I have attended a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous every single day
some of the people in that meeting with wow
some people with every day me I'm in the back I'm going to move you you kind of don't know
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say you're just a little slow right room you know
I look over this other cool guy that's when I found that using newcomer catcher because he he gives me that Jesus sunshine smile
tell you what
you stay sober a year we'll give you one of them cakes
what
stay sober you're
I don't drink any alcohol for years
and I get that cake
there is a deal
well yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
I don't know what I was thinking not doing enough news
okay the my own news
today I I think you know I'm not I'm really not much of a pastry eater I really yeah
but
you know my wanted one I just stop at the market on the way home you know
one of the five Bucks you know
a fact you wouldn't even be out of my way I'm gonna stop and get a six pack on the way home anyway
so I didn't get it and as I said I remember anything the speaker said
but I remember that the secretary of that meeting got up and and made some announcements and remember some people read some stuff and
the secretary said she held up our big book
Alcoholics Anonymous you said this is our big book
it's the basic text of our program
it's the only authority on Alcoholics Anonymous
remember that
and she said you have if you're new don't leave without this book
so I said oh I made a mental note okay steal the book and I have
I used to always make these middle notes and then I lose my mind you know that we're is that no and so I went
but then I was going to steal the book I had it figured out just like this I know of I go pick up that book
I can act like I'm fascinated with it reading the book walk right out the door and nobody would stop me
nobody would stop me they they they say something like let him go and I still think that would happen but the secretary ruin that because she said if you're if you're new and you're financially embarrassed
don't let that keep you from getting this but we sell this book at our cost three dollars and seventy five cents and if you're new and you don't have the money will make very liberal credit arrangements including nothing down and nothing a week until you get back on your feet
well that sounds very loving and generous
but from my point of view now if I steal the book you're going to think I'm not on my feet
and I cannot have that so I went up to the secretary after the meeting I selected by one of those books please
and she said that that Seth three seventy five and I said here's a five keep the change
so how do you change no no no use it use it to help a drunk or something you know yeah I'm on my feet okay so
I got the book and I took it home
and now I was a little disappointed in Alcoholics Anonymous even though there was some good things that happen like the people telling me to keep coming back and I could be it could get around the birthday singing thing but they they read the steps
and I had heard of the steps it's part of the twelve step program is part of the language and more people know the term twelve step program that have ever heard the steps and so I knew the term I knew Alcoholics Anonymous was a twelve step program I may have even known it was the twelve step program but I had never heard any of the steps until that night when someone random and they had him on the wall and I read them on the wall and I saw him I didn't know that that's what I thought that Alcoholics Anonymous was
the smart way to get sober I thought it was the way that the secular way to get sober without god because my grandmother was a Pentecostal minister and
the cross of Christ the church of Jesus Christ was what they call sometimes called holy roller church they make a joyful noise and the all of them all the same time when everybody was speaking somebody be saying you know I will my soul to the Jesus Christ Jesus called Primark
I mean you know and so I got on my grandmother's church you know for the dancing and and I didn't find out two years later they were actually dancing and
but I but my grandmother's mission was in a tough part of Los Angeles in St Peter that the port of Los Angeles in a real tough waterfront area called beacon street and and in the fifties and sixties that was that was a tough area that people would kill there every night and my grandmother's church what was right there her mission and she used to help drunks to get sober wharf rats and Y. nos to get sober and she would feed him stupid Jesus and and so I knew you could get sober and so when Jesus I'd seen it done but it just never seemed worth it to me and I thought when I came to a a this would be the secular waiting it's over the with the smart people that so without god so I was disappointed that that people went eighteen years without drinking and I was disappointed about all the god stuff that keep you know
came to believe that a power greater than ourselves well I know what you're talking about yeah in case you missed it in the next step it's
you know god as we understood him and then it and it and other steps admit home admitted to god to ourselves and humbly asked him with a capital H. power greater than ourselves I'm going all no it's a god thing is like a church you know it's just like my grandmother's church
only this where Anna
and and so
I took this book home the only authority on out oxen and I started to read it and I want to read this book at
that's an exaggeration I didn't read the book
but I have the ability to look at the title of a chapter in any book
and know everything that's in the chapter
the gift that I have and the
and so
so I
I got this book out and I poured a shot of whiskey and I I sat down and and start to read this book and I and I some okay doctor's opinion
I don't need to read that I I've I've had doctors opinions
I know with what it is it's son you are not drink so much all right next and then I came to chapter one bill's story who cares
bill
I don't even answer my own bills on me you know I'm not gonna ask
chapter two there is a solution well
as a as a child raised in the fifties on television I I I know what there is a solution it's it's a sales pitch clearly
no man there's a solution to your problem the twelve steps of Alcoholics Anonymous will give you a life beyond your wildest dreams
next chapter three more about alcoholism
evidently in there is a solution they said something about alcoholism and this is even more about alcoholism fascinating I'm sure maybe I'll read it sometime
chapter four we agnostics
here it is
here it is here's how the smart people get sober without god
those idiots at the meeting that I went to tonight are talking all about this higher power stuff I want to thank my higher power I choose to call god and and you know what
here's here's in the only authority on Alcoholics Anonymous is that chapter we agnostics here's how we do it so I put another shot of whiskey just for chapter four and I read chapter four beginning to end
and when I finished it
I thought all right I'm I'm spacing out I totally missed the whole smart people stay sober without god
thing so I another shot of whiskey and then read chapter four again
and I've got to finish it up quick all right focus focus focus
you are not paying attention
read it again another shot of whiskey but I did this six times six shots six readings eventually some of its got through because it wasn't saying what I wanted to say I couldn't I was like yeah the first paragraph says if when you honestly want do you find you can't stop drinking entirely or once you start you have little control over the amount you take then you are probably an alcoholic and if this be the case you may be suffering from an illness which only a spiritual experience will conquer first paragraph chapter four but I know I know what I must've been doing yeah yeah yeah where's the smart people stuff you know I can't
and that
so I
that's why I read this thing six times but it's good that idea because some of it actually did stick I remember being knocked off my chair or else I fell off I know that happens sometimes a bit
when I read this simple little sentence that I think most of us miss I really believe that most people whatever their level of spirituality when he first read this sentence in chapter four don't realize the significance of it because it's it's so subtle and seemingly so true that we just go past it and it says we have found that god doesn't make too hard terms on those who seek him
and whatever your level of spirituality when you read that I don't think most people are shocked by it but it's shocking it's very significant we have found not we suspect not it seems to be the evidence what would indicate we have found this is what we found
that god doesn't make too hard terms on those who seek him
that is not what I heard any place else I was openly hostile to all organized religion when I came to A. N. N. Alcoholics Anonymous has has taught me a tolerance a love of organized religion when I realized that everybody's taking different paths but at the time when I got to eight all the different paths that people take to spirituality seem to me that somebody would be saying you know what come on over here because we got the direct line to god we got a thing going on with god is just a okay so the somebody else don't pay any attention to them we got the thing over here we got we got the god thing we're connected to god is what god told us to do it okay no no no we are the way the truth and the life over here we we got and it still and finally I just got turned so many different directions that I just heard it would seem like was more fun to just make fun of him you know I I had to
I had to
way too much education and LSD to believe in any of that crap
some meetings today and in the United States where they don't like your talk about illegal drugs
well I don't know what
okay well you know I don't know I mean for I I like to point out to him that alcohol was an illegal drug when bill and Bob we're using it at
you know I I didn't know I mean it you know I see I'm enough of a people pleaser that that if I had known where my life was going to go you can't see the down the path that that far but if I had known you know the first time somebody said try this now what is it all man I love you but I'm gonna be speaking at an AA meeting in thirty years I don't want anybody off yeah
so
it says but I want you to know that I only used
every drug I ever heard of
and the ones I didn't care for only is like three or four times
but
but up
I'm looking at the sentence that we have we have found the guy doesn't make too hard terms on those whose economic
I didn't hear that
for anybody I never heard any place but Alcoholics Anonymous maybe some other people said it but it's the only place I ever it seems to me that they all said we thank god that makes very hard terms of those who seek them and here's the terms of god told us to do and and ask my grandmother's Pentecostal church
they didn't say you know what the
when they said my name in less than a syllable you know the
through all southern you know southern US then you know we believe that god makes very hard times on those who succumb
well not even
unless you are
I mean sprinkled on the floor here lacks some Methodist
I'm talking about total submission that's why we got this total war what
thank you do you want in the blood of the lamb bridges
and that seems a little over the top to me grandma and
and then I had a girlfriend who was Catholic and she was happy with her religion her whole family was Catholics and and and she you know work for her I didn't say anything but she had to go to confession communion confirmation a bunch other con so she could find find out how many all our fathers and hail Mary she had to say to cleanse yourself of all the various kinds of sand cardinal envydeal and menial and I know some that you didn't eat all you do is think about you know and then and then I
I don't know see I don't and then she would cleanse yourself by doing all these things that they told me to do and she still couldn't talk to god it was like to talk to guys month hello Mrs god no this is Julie not only come up just tell them I love my people and so I I don't understand that and I had a friend my friend Michael was an orthodox Jew they were happy in their religion they and their and their home was a warm home that you wanted to walk into there was a warmth in there that you could feel when you walk into the Roxburgh home we all my friends love to go over there and we will go over Mrs Robert would say well done welcome to our home she was like like she been waiting all week for me to come in she was like that with everyone welcome to our home would you like to join us in some wine and challah
I'm sorry what would you like to join us in some wine and a lot
well all have some wine
yeah I'm I'm not much of a peach tree eater and and so you know and then Michael and Michael and I went out to lunch one time and
we have unless we talking with he orders a BLT hold the bacon you know BLT bacon lettuce tomato all the bacon
I said Michael you just ordered a salad on toast what is that you know he said well I I can do eat the flesh of the cloven hoofed animals to offend he whose name cannot be uttered
what
port I can't eat pork it's a it'll offend he whose name cannot be uttered who is that
I can say is name Jesus Christ
noble you're closely and
at
and then there were Buddhist and Hindus and Muslims Omar and I just turned my back on all of my said I'm sorry I'm not is more fun for me to make fun of so
so I but when I came to H. that's why I was openly hostile all organized religions and then I found this thing in the book the said we found that god doesn't make too hard terms in those who seek him and I did not have an epiphany when I read that it just finally got my attention
mmhm
okay make a mental note of that and
and then there's another phrase in there that says
I love this says to be doomed to an alcoholic death
or to live life on a spiritual basis are not easy alternatives face
I know why that is
because we're alcoholics non alcoholics don't seem to have a problem with that decision in fact in fact you can test this one get yourself a clipboard and go and stand in front of a market is stop people when they're coming out excuse me I'm taking a survey
would you rather die an alcoholic death
or live a spiritual life
see see now you know it has a different different view doesn't it
because most of the norm is most non alcoholic earth people
you can't just go
I'm sorry
excuse me what was that come on I need an answer alcohol against spiritual life make up your mind got all day
well let's take the spirit of the
but the okay is this a trick question my on camera this is a TV show
but when we say it when I just said earlier people are going
that's right
it's right because it's a hard decision for us that's why it says it in the book I'm a very very inquisitive normal person might say something like now now when you say alcoholic death
you're talking about were you puff up and turned yellow and choked to death on your own blood and vomit when your esophagus erupts inside your throat
yeah come on I am not only
give me an answer
and they'll take the long line all of them the in fact if you do this test
you will know
when you find an alcoholic with Jimmy alcoholic that's spiritual life and you get this
if
well
you are you gonna be here tomorrow
I didn't have an easy time in my first
my first months in Alcoholics Anonymous
I'm not a question Asker
it's something about them I don't know I guess it's not too of all alcoholics but it was certainly true of me and some others that I know I just need to ask a question and I know the reason is because if I ask a question you'll think I don't know the answer
I can't and I don't know what to do about that much one thing I found it works for me sometimes is if I have a question I'll stand next to somebody that I think knows the answer you know maybe
maybe Allah I wanna know what what's the capital of Iceland you know and I and I know that Carl is is from Iceland his family from ISIS understand by Carl and bring up the subject until somebody ask you know what I heard here from Iceland mmhm you know somebody asked a question the car what is the capital of Iceland and Kerr was a reckoning and I'll say that's right
you know C. and so I've got I've got by with that for a long time but I in fact in fact I when I was I'm gonna jump all of this is that this is not chronologically correct this talk tonight I'll get over it but when I got sober by the time I got sober I was twenty one days sober and I was real serious about stance over by the time I actually got some
and I'm a woman who had been sober two and a half years of thirteen step me
okay I don't have to explain that one and
is that what this is the place we learn about the thirteenth step before we've taken the first one yeah but Randy at took me home in
show me the benefits of sobriety and add
you know
we wake up with a woman you remember going to bed with this is great and
and so we we we help start hanging out and then we she moved into my house and we got married and
you know I mean it it you're not supposed to do that and newcomer relationship get in a relationship your first months of sobriety obviously can't last and this one only you know just absolutely fell apart after fifteen years and
but we know we got married and and that was a good but Randy because she was two and a half so over two and a half years longer than me was was not a sponsor to me but you she was somebody I could I could ask questions about and I still didn't ask you questions until I learn to ask questions and I I credit her with teaching me how to ask questions because one time we were in bed and I don't know how long I was sober maybe nine ten months Anna and I had my leg on her side of the bed and them
and she grabbed my leg like a log in through it get over on your own side of the bed she said god you sleep like Jim parks
and I'm I'm laying there thinking
okay I don't know any gym parks
he's not
that anybody I've ever met I don't remember ever hearing about about Randy read a lot she read all the time you know I could embarrass myself by saying who's Jim parks is your book did you ever read catcher in the rye you know it's something you know so I I don't I'm afraid but on the other hand I really want to know who Jim parks is and so I so I and I know if I don't say something I'm gonna be thinking about it all the time more and more in two or three days later you know she won't know I'm thinking eight you won't remember but I'll be
show say are you going to leave you books in the dining room and I'll say Hey my ask who's Jim parks
and the
so I am
I had to bite the bullet and I said honey give me up I am I supposed to know who Jim parks is and how he sleeps
and she started to laugh at me
it's U. capital which you after
you know you know Jim across the street
what
what do you do it after she did
at the gym across street yeah you know how we how we put his truck so you can't park in front of more behind him do you sleep like Jim parks
okay so now we got past the language barrier I was a little concerned about it
so I'm going to meetings
and I got all I wanted out of the big book and and I I would listen to people what they said about the big book you know and and things that people said you know our book says and I'm like
what and and so
I picked up phrases in in the I you know I like to talk about the music of Alcoholics Anonymous because the words used to make me crazy I would you know they'd say they tell you well you got a surrender to win
what that's right your surrendered when end given away to keep it
okay
I'm not gonna ask a question
all right in
somebody in and and I and in the book the one page of the of of the book it says with regard to alcohol we went when tempted by alcohol we recoil as from hot flame on the very next page it says with regard to alcohol were placed in a position of neutrality
he
which one is it is it the hot flame or is it neutrality because
you know the like
we we went out to the to the geezer today and I wanted to jump in there it is it looked real warm you know and gore pointed out that it wasn't boiling it wouldn't be blowing up in the air so that's a hot flame to me if I were neutral to it I could just get in and it would be room temperature you know so that's that's what I
I I didn't understand the language the the lyrics the lyrics blew me away I don't know what what was going on here and and somebody said to me
well you know the road gets narrower
the road gets narrower I said to my mom I had a friend who was over about a year longer than me and I said to a Johnny
what is with the road gets narrower you know I I yeah that's right I said with that it seems like to be a little inconvenient you know because I I did a lot of that one I driving and the road getting there or you know seems like we said now it's you know it's a metaphor it's I think what it means is like you said when I first got sober I would be I'd smoke in the car and I've and I drove my cigarette out the window it's just what I did and he said one day it just occurred to me after I was sober for a while I could start a fire and so I would put out the cigarette and then throw it out the window and he said and then another further on down the road I realized you know I'm I'm glittering I'm contributing to the trash of the world I don't have to do that put the cigarette out of the tree in the ashtray leave it dump the ashtray in the trash can and then eventually I even quit smoking so he said that's what it really means about the right to now I know what it means somebody took the time to explain to because I asked a question and and I and and I would go around telling everybody well the road gets narrower
yeah there was no there's an old timer at the San Fernando before I got sober and he was telling his guys
I wasn't a part of him but if he was just telling he said I don't know there was a point to what he was saying or not good idea first by but he said the women in Alcoholics Anonymous are the most beautiful women in the world he should have been here
the women I can't believe it I guess he gave there was a a beauty test you had to pass it before you can come to the door here
he assured me no the ugly ones are still drinking but I
and and you all you beautiful ones coming in your must have made it a lot easier for them to get a drink so they they owe you a debt of gratitude anyway but
this guy was saying to his sponsor these
you know the women in Alcoholics Anonymous is the most beautiful women in the world they they clean up and they dressed nice they smell good their hair looks nice they smile with that inner smile they're smart they're funny they're happy people but you know what I'm a married man
I don't play
and I and I said the road gets narrower
and the guy turned around he said what
act like I was eavesdropping you know at which I was in and he said that I said that the road gets narrower you know
alcoholics women beautiful women you don't play a married man road gets narrower
he's a would you get that
would you get that
I expect to be question I said out of the book
should the Senate because I wasn't reading a book and I didn't know that particular one didn't come out of the book and
and he said oh really I knew I was in trouble and he said you must have a different book than I have our man oh no he's going to do that different books thing on me because in my book on page fifty five look at page numbers
my book on page fifty five it says why don't you come and join us on the broad highway
in fact in my book on page seventy five it says
you're going to feel like you're walking with the spirit of the universe guess where on the broad highway
so my big book says brought highway twice road gets narrower nothing
this year book no no I I you know I was just trying to help okay you know and I wasn't much help around there because I I I I would get in trouble I can also here's the deal my first eight months in a I didn't have a home group I went to a lot of different groups and I didn't have a sponsor
I didn't read the book I didn't take the steps I didn't have a commitment
and I was drinking every day
but but other than that I you know had a pretty good program going on and
and the only thing I did right was with the first people that I went to I sought a meeting told me to do I kept coming back first eight months that's all I did right and I start to fall in love with Alcoholics Anonymous all man I'm a sitting in a meeting
I think in the first I was thinking about the bottle that I had under the seat in my car and I was going to drink on the way home and people started sharing and everybody that shared identified with than I thought I am sitting in a room full of ducks
and I wasn't even Soviet
and it scared me because I never fit me places I told you but now I'm starting to fit in Alcoholics Anonymous except that I'm drinking no one one night I came home from a meeting and I I bought I had bought a fifth the whiskey either on the way to the meeting or on the way home I was sometimes I buy I'm on the way to the meeting put it under the seat and not open it is still sealed and then on the way home I drink it or sometimes that showed tremendous restraint and when I got home to drink it and I I I was laying on the floor in my house watching television drinking this fit the whiskey and
I passed out I used to do that all the time I woke up about three AM bottles about half full televisions on this happened this is where I usually work up turn off the TV got my bottle crawl on my hands and knees across the living room to the hallway into the bedroom to go to bed
and as some people call that pitiful incomprehensible demoralization that I just called to going to bed
the
I think on a smart to crawl and I could crawl golden the bottle easy enough and and you know and you can't fall off the floor so they are so I got in my bedroom and I stood up
to take my clothes off and when I did I I lost my balance which was not uncommon
but this time I had a bottle of whiskey my hand when I fell on my knees the bottle spilled all over the bed and I picked up the ball real quick there was about this much left in it
and I said it in a safe place and I grab this bedspread because it there was this little lake of whiskey spreading out into the bedspread
so I grabbed it and gather it all up and started sucking the whiskey are
and I have talked I have said this in meetings where people go who
and I see this is clearly not someone who is ever snorted cocaine off of the floor of a public restroom
and not every everyone not everyone does that but that's where the whiskey was in case you're wondering why I was checking the whiskey on the bedspread that's where it was and the fact that I was done drinking for the night had nothing to do with it the fact that there was whiskey in the bottle in case I was thirsty not a black didn't enter into the whiskey was in the bedspread it would evaporate if I left it over night and I am not a person to waste whiskey always my life but not whiskey and and and I said well I was stuck in the whiskey out of this bed spread and and I know I heard of that was a voice in my head an audible voice in my head it said
a man that ain't right
what at a right man
you can't argue with that voice in your head
right
you were you thirsty
I'm not thirsty I'm frugal I I'm I'm not the person who wish things you know and I I and I I looked at myself second whiskey out of a bedspread
and I thought what's wrong with me
you know I've been going to a a for eight months regularly and I have not learned how to not suck whiskey out of a bedspread
maybe I'm one of those losers
one of those A. A. losers that hangs out outside the Alaina club for twenty years and never get sober in people that came in after me will be walking through with their response sees and say look at that you want to end up like Doug
take the steps
I that's a horrible thing to think you're gonna end up being and I saw no other direction for me to go I I I I I had other plans for my life
Anna
I don't know what to do I did it I did it maybe the dumbest thing I've ever done I said god if you're there please help me
it I see it was dumb because I didn't believe there was anybody to listen I did not believe in god I was positive there was no such thing as god and I felt simultaneously sorry for people who did think it and and envious of them because they were not as smart as me and they could call upon a god it didn't exist and it seemed to help them
but I was way too smart but when I was desperate when I was absolutely crying and screaming not knowing where to go my life is going into gutter desperate I said god if you're there please help me
and I meant
I didn't think anybody was listening went to bed went to sleep and over the next couple weeks
interesting things happen to me the next day I went into it my liquor store in my neighborhood and and and that
there was somebody from may in the liquor store behind the counter behind the counter there could only have been one of three people behind that counter night or day I knew all of them they knew me I could walk into the liquor store lay a five dollar bill on the table and they would give me a half pound of Bushmills in my change
that's the way the relationship that I had with this liquor store but I walked in there the next day after I said that Britain is a guy from a and I said Gee and I didn't tell people in a way that I was drinking some of noticed it in California they give chips for thirty days sixty days ninety days six months of sobriety nine months of sobriety I had taken a lot of chips everyone's while I got you know anybody the first thirty days Doug alcoholic anybody with less than thirty days demagog Holly anybody in the first thirty days of riding lessons yes Doug I'll dug out the hot dog on a holiday
I just got tired of raising my hand one day and they said anybody with less than thirty days and I started to read and I said you don't want none of their business
none of their business it's embarrassing to do this I've been coming here for six eight weeks and I still have less than thirty days and I'm drinking every day is going to be a long time before I have thirty days
so I didn't raise my hand and then a girl that was sitting at the table said to a friend does got thirty days
because I didn't raise my hand and I realized what happened I didn't mean to deceive anybody and and but I
I don't know what to do so then they said anybody want to get thirty eight chips I don't want to barrister so I took a thirty HM I make her look like a fool she was on may thirteenth step list and
mmhm
the thirty eight year but everybody was like delighted yeah
all right I made these alcoholic so happy
and I would spreading joy all over Los Angeles taken thirty day trips and then it once was somebody would smell me and they and they say you smell like whiskey you been drinking and you know there's not you have nothing to do really have a sober alcoholic says you smell like whiskey you smell it what he can do always on a twelve step call in some new cover spilled all over me go to my pores in my mouth thanks yeah yeah I'm fine so so
I would say I
I drank
let you down on item list down your alcoholic you gonna drink welcome back in a big new comer chip there newcomer chips okay so now I got a different sobriety date at that meeting you know and but I still have my other one is some other ones that I was going to I had four different sobriety date by the fourth time I got different meetings you know
yeah it but but this week of of after I said this prayer I had no intention of stopping drinking I went in there like I didn't buy any alcohol at that liquor store I went to another liquor store and got it and and then a couple days later I was at a restaurant I was in a Mexican restaurant the part of town that I hadn't been in normally and start order drink in the waitress is somebody I know for may Hey how you doing it's a good
I'm in the market in the supermarket in the liquor department and and pushing my cart through the Looking department to reach out for a bottle somebody from AA is pushing a cart towards me
one day at a time keep it simple
isn't it a beautiful life and so this was happening to me all the time and one time and for a couple weeks it was happening every day and after a couple of weeks went by I was on the way to work one morning at six thirty in the morning and I've just finished a half point of Bushmills Irish whiskey and and in California it's against the law to have open containers even if they're empty so and plus they're useless so I roll down the window and I and I was going to throw it out the window and and a guy from a is coming towards me at six thirty in the morning and he sees me anyways and I threw a bottle out the window and you know to me that north it's going to get anything
and I thought well these people coming from
every time I return bring to some a a member
and
and I thought you know it's like those damn miracles of people talk about in the meetings
soon as I thought the word miracle I could hear god laughing
I pull the car over the side of the road
and I sat there and thought about I had been on my knees two weeks ago
and I said god if you're there please help me and since then these weird things have been happening
things that if you told me the day before they happen to me and call the miracles I would have ran about miracles interesting coincidence but when they happen to me and I recognized him and they happen frequently
and it way more AA members than than the population would indicate and
and I recognize him as miracles and I realize I had been on my knees and ask god for help and I clearly got the help that I asked for Anna and I was shocked and I couldn't drive and I felt to me like a warm fog came into the car Anna and I felt safe and I've
it was my second step I didn't realize it at the time but it's it's it's the moment that I came to believe that a power greater than me which would risk could restore me to sanity and I I still think that's going to happen at
I'm in no hurry you know
god's time
but it's when I started to hear the music of Alcoholics Anonymous and I'll tell you
the music is the music is what what saved my life because before that moment before I came to believe I couldn't hear the music and and and as I told you earlier I have a musical background
and I and I
I only heard the lyrics and it didn't make any sense without the music and what I'm so that way I can explain it when I had thirty days when I've been sober for thirty days I wanted to thirty eight chip I had enough chips to open a casino but but you know they give these poker chips and and I I went to the Burbank group which is a group they gave chips and cakes on Thursday night now that my thirty days and they said anybody for thirty days and I got up and I took a chip and on this ship it was my first honest yet but I had thirty days and I said I'm done I'm an alcoholic hi Doug and I felt like a member of Alcoholics Anonymous I really felt like a member and and it's at I sat down to watch people take sixty to ninety is a six month chipped in nine months yet and people to birthday cakes and I was just as happy about somebody taking a one year cake or twenty year take or OR nine months chip as I was about my own ship and that's not me that's not who I am
take my word for it you know
and and I I just felt like such an a a member and I got up I was glowing I went to get my coffee at the coffee break and a guy stop me there and he said that
congratulations on your thirty days I think he said you know what the secret is
and I said to know that you don't drink don't drink and he said
hang on
he said that's the whole deal here hang on you think you can do that and I said that's what I've been doing it is to keep doing it C. it took what I know now I know what the secret is not quite okay I know what the secret is you know
I know some **** now and so I like I'm
I go to get my coffee and there's a guy named Jim be at the Burbank group is one of these old timers and they got it you may be having up here in the United States they got these old timers at our back slapping great hand grab an alcoholic young man you know well you know what and he's a he's a son congratulations on that thirty days I think that he said you know what the secret is yep hang on
and he said no let go
okay
all right the old timers are diametrically opposed what the secretive sobriety is but I'm okay with that because I hear the music and the words are not making a fool of me anymore I'm not scratching my head over the words here because I'm hearing the music they just lyrics the guy who said hang on is talking about keep coming back stay close stay in the middle of the herd they say that's what he's talking about about hang on the guy who said let go is talking about let go and let god surrender junction used to say came here tonight to tell you to surrender
they would say it twice and that's the way I feel about the music of Alcoholics Anonymous because the music made the difference for me once I heard the music that the words were messed me around I used to when they would read chapter five at at meetings how it works and they would talk about honesty people who don't get so busy to be constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves and even people with great emotional mental disorders can stay sober if they have the capacity to be honest not just regular honesty or no rigorous honesty yeah rigorous on real serious about this honesty is not the kind honest you're thinking about really I don't know I'm not even like the regular kind of honest you know you know I'm I'm
I like the most honest I ever was was when my first wife said to me Doug tell me the truth
did you sleep with my sister
and I said no not a wink at it because it
and this is your is it you know as honest as I could be I don't you don't mean to deceive you can't help but sometimes it's just better Anna and I'll say when I'm I'm sixteen years and three months over and sometimes I'll lie I only do it when I'm divinely directed yeah you can you can tell when god wants you to fail you have a
yes No he
if my wife says to me
does this dress make me look fat
rigorous honesty
no honey I think it's the Haagen das
yeah yeah
you know the dress looks fine on the hanger let's go try this go try it on the skinny blonde next door makes for an attractive some wrong with that dress
waiters waiters in nice restaurants I'd like to them all the time when they say Sir would you like a cocktail before dinner and I say no thank you
okay that's okay that's all right with god I'm not going to get drunk over that I'm I get drunk and I told the truth well you know what
how would I like a cocktail instead of dinner I like to mess up and I got a
I like a double Bushmills need Margarita back and keep coming I got a pocket full of plastic
we don't party tonight more
no no I'm just kidding I'm I'm playing with you could actually turns out I have a disease it's
seasonal allergy
Middle obsession spiritual bankruptcy do you want that in your nice restaurant
you know so so this one is it rigorously you know when you start to hear the music the words are not
I lied to my sponsor one time maybe more than once but one time my smile you're not supposed to live your sponsor that's like self honesty it's a con artist you nuts but my sponsor who is Steve at the time you know I call myself kind of rent and I had this argument
and listen to this she's wrong listen and I told him and he didn't say she was right or wrong she was she was wrong and I can and he said well I see your point you know would you rather be right or happy
and I lied to my I said right
no I said happy that's right idea I guess because because there's
there's nothing makes me happier than being right and a half but I know that happy is the right answer in and I said that it is up
and and I and I'm with the cat out the bag your
sometimes people who are so over a long time we'll misquote the big book and I may have done it tonight I hope I didn't but if I did and you know if I did this is if you if you know what I said and you go check it out in the book and it turns out it that is what the book says I'm okay with that and I would like for you to call me my number in the United States is area code eight one eight three five three four six zero seven call me and tell me where I misquoted the book I love that I hardly ever get calls like that but I love it I mean somebody reading the book you know but I I wasn't reading the book when I was newly sober I want people to tell me what it's at a woman's at our book says I'm listening she says our book says that are drinking was but a symptom of deeper underlying causes and conditions it does this is exactly that
then she went on their own stuff without so you suppose if you add your own stuff you're supposed to say and my opinion is but she didn't know that she was on a roll she said and if you don't find your deeper underlying causing condition you're going to get drunk again you will drink again well I thought that was in the book I don't know if you made that up
I don't know what my deeper underlying causing condition is I have no idea I I just you know I was I was
going out with this girl somebody's if you get a drug you'll get the home run you know which is like and it's a baseball term but you know you can imagine what it means and and so I can took some dry
bought a bottle of Rainier ale which was a national beverage of the town where I grew up in a way I sit here you know I wouldn't want to drink I would be happy to see you drink this you know and let me know when you're ready
hello but I just I just drank some she drank some and and enter it turned out my friend was right you know it I did get a home run that night in that and I got drunk and I like both of those things someone do both these things much as I can rest my life and that and so I know what my deeper underlying causing condition without income from an alcoholic family I know a lot of people in a do but my my my dad was a kind of guy who would buy a six pack of beer and drink one put five in the refrigerator they would stay in the refrigerator all week do you think about you know I I've got nothing against refrigerators I just don't think it should get five and I should get one my dad would it would be working on a car in on a Saturday or watching a game or working in the yard to stop and have a beer you know
drink the beer go back to what he was doing I don't drink like that if I have a beer that's what I'm doing and
and whatever I was doing before could have been very important why would I stop to have a beer and
so I don't know what my deeper underlying causing you to my mother to my mother maybe an alcoholic I don't know
you can't tell but she won't drink
and then they won't break you can't tell
and I would watch you know I mean when I got sober I want to know why I am an alcoholic what is
this maybe I'm some other kind of alcoholic didn't you can only go like a couple years without drinking then you're okay or some you know and I didn't have this genetic predisposition and I asked my mother what time why don't you drink are you an alcoholic and she looks like what I don't know how
I don't know maybe she said when I was young I used to drink and every time I drank I got six two but not not just to just quit and I support you well you gotta drink through that if there are
so I don't know why I'm an alcoholic but that doesn't matter why I'm an alcoholic I'm an alcoholic in the
your this product
okay so he hates this part of my story so
so I'm looking back over my life to see why I am not one
what's my and my
what's my problem what what's what's the turning point in my life and I I really when I was twenty four years old I went to it I went to the theater to see a show called hair it was hippies since nineteen sixty nine did the singing and dancing and it was a Broadway show a sex drugs and rock and roll and I thought and there was a character named burger that swung on a rope and stripped down to a low in cost and scream and it's rock and roll and and I I
I could do that so I went to audition for the show
I didn't go back to when I was out the next day I called him at the theater I said I want to be on your show and they said that okay see they should have your agent call us but they didn't they said this in nineteen sixty nine was a different thing and and they said that come down Friday at one o'clock you got noticed what's your name I wrote down the road on Friday one o'clock I gotten auditions on Friday morning I'm home with my guitar practice in this song I'm going to sink it I know this is a Broadway show and I can sing I'm a singer and and I'm not a dancer I don't know how to dance I never danced in my life this is a Broadway show but maybe if I sing good enough and I'm a singer they are this I don't care if you can dance just come and sing with us you know some cracks in the song I'm gonna sing and I broke a string on my guitar and and hippies in thank you sixty nine we were like bad karma man you know and and so
I went in my roommate's room to see if he had the string that I needed and there was right on his dresser a little in this little envelope the D. string and now I'm like oh good karma is tested so I picked up the skin underneath a little envelope there was a white capsule I thought I wonder what this is
nine open because you know we didn't have a a physician's desk reference you you had to swallow test everything and and that's the way we find out what it was and you know if somebody if somebody died you go don't eat the green shirt and you know it's real simple
so I I it turned out this was T. H. C. a synthetic marijuana which was a very nice psychedelic and and and so by the time I got down to the greatest theater to do my audition I was floating I just floated in there and I had my hair was long over my shoulders and switched when I walked in I had this vest on with with six layers of red white and blue leather friends foot long you know and no shirt on and I was like a walking wind chime when I walk
and and it's floating and they call my name and they told me to bring some sheet music and it they dug well yes I'm right here I went up on the on the stage and I had in my sheet music to the piano player he opened it he smiled yeah good choice you know and he started playing pop back I said
I think there's a rigorous honesty I feel very good and
and I did this James Brown song and I thought I was the godfather of soul and that
could fall down and I want to do and and and and they I finished and they said great man great scream and rock and roll we love that can you do something a little mellower just so we get a range sure so I went on a couple of region of Otis Redding's dock of the bay and the piano player picked up a felon with me we were in the pocket
don't change and I'll just oh man I made myself cry and
and
finishing this great man great we just got to see you dance
I said in the piano player started playing and I start to move
when I see my here coming around
the friends on this dress is going
and I heard somebody say Jesus can you dance
because you know alcohol and drugs did for me when I couldn't do for myself while not due until the bitter end and they hired me
they hired me to go to Las Vegas with their opening a new show so they could that I could play the part of this crazy speed freak
sex crazed leader of the tribe
you know it's a stretch but I could do it in a
we did six months in Vegas and then we went on the road we went on the road we go all of United States and Canada and and do the show for a week here in two weeks there three weeks here and and we did this for three and a half years three years half year in in Vegas and three years on the road and I looked and it was a great experience when people come up to us after the meeting after that meeting
after the show and say you beautiful man your beautiful house apartment
since the median value allowing Panama red go cool somebody else will come up and go great man has a massive man windowpane honestly purple haze orange sunshine all cool you know it's going to give us all these drugs for free and and then some girl will come up and go
if you
take me along well okay then at
you know I it was a good job and
when I look back at that experience is it man they used me
they took advantage of me I just wanted to sing and dance and make people happy you know and they ruined me they made me and a drug addict and an alcoholic and now I'm in AA I call my sponsor I said I I found it would you find out my deeper underlying cause and condition
well let's hear that you should
here
here
maybe we shave your hair off you can say so
not my hair the show here number I told you when I used to be a big star travel around the country and you know yeah big star forget about that yeah
but you told me you were loaded when you audition for that show
yeah yeah
I had told him too much and the
he said M. J. as in most people non alcoholic people when they go to interview for a job they really want won't take a drug they can't identify
okay you know he clearly learned that it's sponsored school and
so I did all right then I don't know what my deep underlying cause and condition is maybe I'll get drunk and he said maybe you will but if you do you're gonna have to swallow alcohol don't do that meanwhile if you want to look for trying to give you some to do between meetings tomorrow you go to another meeting tomorrow you call me and tomorrow you read that book
my first one to tell me you read that book every day if you can't read it page repair if you can't reach read a chapter read a page you can't read it page read a paragraph
you need to stay on it you need to do it every day and that's the best advice I ever got in a city where we're not in a hurry with this thing but you need to stay on it and that was great advice for me and I never did find my deeper underlying causing condition I finally settled on trauma from circumcision you know I I
I don't remember it but it must have been dramatic a with the
make me a little restless irritable and discontent it today have it happen so I don't know you know but what I did find it here was the music and that has worked for me for sixteen years and three months and if you're new if you knew an Alcoholics Anonymous please stay close stay close you you will hear the music there's a rhythm and harmony in a melody that runs through this thing and it makes the words make sense
and when you hear you said that's what that guy was talking about that's what he was talking about in fact if you shared a laugh with us tonight that's the music that's it you're part of the band welcomed Alcoholics Anonymous