Top O' Top Roundup

John my name's Frank I'm an alcoholic

John is consented to keep me at coffee I still got this full hand syndrome I don't know where I picked it up somewhere along the way

first I want to thank you folks

for the

the commendations in your hospitality

then your friendliness

you don't know me I hope it lasts

but will break my heart if it does

the

that kind of interaction

no the laid down the gauntlet you better be good kind of interaction

I don't bite

the

I am assuming this group has been represented which has been represented to me as a group that's committed to fundamental orthodox A. A. as set forth in the first hundred and sixty four pages of the big both

now if you're not in that position I figure if you will not be very happy with what

the

warning everybody here okay

yeah

the

you have treated me very well I do want you to know I appreciate it Gary and Julie

you brought me up from Indianapolis

and and by the way I particularly want to thank Matthew

we are setting up my travel arrangements

I can almost stand up straight now

please set me I've been I've been had before

another via an initial group like that before

but there remains does not live in my heart I've got in this lovely airplane

and

seven twenty seven I finagle the seat yeah the rain

by the escape route a lot of room for my life right

we take off from Denver and we're flying we're going we're going to go to Chicago and then we're going to command in an application there is going to meet me and I'm going to go to French lick which I anticipated some kind of a log lounge of an amount

so

we're near an hour and all of your current round

taking this back they can't get a flap up or some damn thing scared the **** out of me

I'm a land that airplane I sit in Denver for two three hours

now they've made a connection directly to Indianapolis but it's an hour later than I have arrangements

for my pal to pick me up right

will I hitchhiked differently make

this is all due to Mathews planet

I don't believe in coincidences

and then

the new plane I'm stuck thanks to a very big ma'am

and against the window was my knees underneath my

hi there I have a fight about an inch long on my spine which you're cramped up impedes my sciatic nerve causing me a great bit of damage from

and I had to gosh darn hours of that discomfort

but I forgive you math

love

I think you need

I swear

I'm not as nice as George and I'm not at my job

give me but I only swear when there are no other word in the vocabulary to express what is truly meant

I was talking some pals of mine about qualified

I think it's a central

to suggest it may have drank a little something

for example a friend of mine and I were on a twelve step call amenities wife immaculately well groomed lovely home

and they called a coverage when this poor distressed man

and here is as healthy Vossloh

who had two glasses of sherry every night

and

we did not identify

we told him that I have nothing in there that even resembled alcoholism and so forth and we left

then it wasn't two months later that he was in a and he had been properly propped up with a more understanding person

but I'm one of those that believe that Alcoholics Anonymous is for alcoholics

period

nothing nobody after talking

now we have a lot of people who are have also drug history but they are I do not believe in dual problem

why

because of the heat gets too much on one problem they jump to the other problem

no you there out here not try this rather unusual orthodox bill by the way if I say anything you cannot reconcile with the big Buck I'm wrong

I don't believe that alcohol is an addiction

my

strong influence the man named Jean at York Street

you know if I did not say sponsor

I ask him to be my sponsor he said he would and he denied it all the year through his death that he ever took place

he said it wasn't in the big book

and and that's where that went but he had more influence on my life than anyone except my father and my all

welcome to the Gronk is included for the negative

I'll give you a

anyway dish distinguish between the drunken added

he said now

your take a man up in the shack in the woods

Jamie

and your name was

heroin or crack playing three or four shots you've got an attic

he says you take that same normal man up there and your poor whiskey down with a popular alcohol animals are in the vein anyway you want no matter how long you do it the reason normal man only when you get done all they want to do to get away from

every is an allocated on America

the

I have

follow that I am a real okay

real well

that's been held in contempt in some circles

but I am not alcoholic of the whole pusher ID

I will never be normal I gave it a good shot

and I fail

can I felt about qualified what do you think it is the first words that you want to talk about loss of control which is of course the key factor

if you can keep yourself from starting drinking or when you start you can't control the amount should take

you're probably alcoholic

I couldn't drink in the morning but rarely the couldn't stop

I know a lot of office can bring get well in the morning I had to stay sectors

as long as I could I was a daily drinker volume drinker

honey this is the end of it

never again

I love you very much this is all areas I'm so sorry and before dark I'm in the bar

well I might not have really meant it

Hey honey

so I don't know what happened but this is all

then I'm back in the bar

I won't drink in court

not ever

Dr Rankin core

I had a a death penalty case the fall before I came in

the

researchers were imperative to

I needed those reset

and we had a judge who incidentally happened to be a may but is really just a ****

any views up those recesses and I started going into the details

and I last full moon one noon we understand do instructions and I went crazy

they

the only issue with that

the guy was an alcoholic

who is on Librem furries comfort sake and drinking

and then I blacked out and he took his wife out in city park in front of about a hundred and eighty two witnesses and charter and throughout the car and drove the car over and did all sorts of things that went to the bar and had a drink and can remember any of

and the only issue is whether or not that he'd be killed

and we tried the case going on forever qualified for the death penalty and forty five minutes can you believe that

mollified with the death penalty in twenty and forty five minutes take weeks

but we had a side of senile

a lawyer for the Alzheimer's working with manta drove this guy was well represented right

and

the verdict came in and they couldn't find me to take the verdict they had to get the old man to take the verdict and by the way he lives life was saved yeah thank god

probably on the street now killing some other way

but

that we're getting towards the tail end of things so you forget little rough around the edges and

I began to lose my tolerance

now a lot of people I've been fired twice

jumped out from one job to another

the honey I'm going on my own this one guy when they're thirty days a lovely office four four came in almost a little problem with that

when I asked the wrong question why

who well you say you want do what you're told a lie to me I can ever find you because you're a drunk

and if you're far in quite a bit more it had

I jelly didn't ask dumb questions like that I was pretty but I did and then honey I've had enough of this be an employee I'm going on my own and two weeks later I remembered

well I forgot all about it that's what I thought it happened made amends this guy's at highland hill did you pick me up so quick because I had a brother the drunk and I just was not about to have another one in my life

and

and there's an illusion now the drunks or

are socially acceptable and everybody loves they are few and far don't you believe it

don't you believe one of the best things we got going for us is that that were not approved

and shouldn't read

Hey I'm a recovered alcoholic

I recovered

most people say they're recovering aren't

somebody around twenty years and I answered I'm recovering

hearing that modest little state

Anna

I got a big book that shows how what is the one hundred men and women recovered

and if you're around you're still playing the humility game or more likely I'm recovering so I'm not responsible for my life

I can lie to you because I'm just recovering

I can screw you over because I'm just because

I'm just recovering so you can ask me to do the god damn work in the big book

thirty year recovering alcoholics

good day the

say it is the work you recover you get well

nine may lie to you but it won't be because I'm a drunk hello my lan son of a **** but not because of alcohol

I'm a still for it because I'm afraid but it will it in because it's because I have recovered from west

K. about drunks

one drug then another drug I came into the dining room Friday not to eat and eat alone I look over there and I see that half

not yet a client over there see that happen

now I feel like I've got to be a drop maybe they

a day about a hat like that but that guy is going to be well he's a high dollar drug dealers I'm god damn thing but I think he's a drug

and

you know what that head is at the bar

your letter in a bar

is there any son of a **** can knock your head off can have

the

at the half

we later became a point here and a lovely lady

yeah

right from knives knives according to

how to qualify as one of my pals with college of a loss of control

hi okay

I will move up to the front

it appears

you will be if you need what I have to move up otherwise believe that

then you in the back I used to run she

I had a key basket over the western slope of of of Colorado

and those sheep

the strays on the edge of the herd

we're the ones that burn a kind of picked up and I think the same thing is true in a the same thing is true in a

those people that sit in the back

around the edges

let's play another one to get picked off of whiskey

the other one to get picked off of which

I do pretty good speak to stop once in awhile I apologize

thank you for listening

good

I don't think you need it

but those are

qualify how do you qualify

I like the loss of control and another said well

about three the Marlins rotation

shop talk about that

I became everything I despise

in a human being

I was well raised

I was raised in a strong loving home I was disciplined

I was in church I had a religious I was given an education

and then I did

bit by bit by bit

I became cruel and vicious beyond all belief

their story about that

I've played a game in the bar called big check in this was long before the end I play like I was

thank Howard or less than I was

or saying and some guy with a girl that I prodding the lady called me out and I take him out and beat his head

then there's one night there was this boy

and I got outside and he knelt down in front of me and begged for me not to hit a

now one thing if you leave now life you've got to stay asleep

you can't wake up

and that moment a great clarity came

and I realized what I had become

and I had become that which I. the spot

I sold my soul in the denardo market

I stole

all my clients from

I live

and I deteriorated morally

then

physically

well I still have chronic ferocious

I had the detainees badly when I woke up I have the details of the audio type I'd walk down the street and I had here Frank Frank McCabe

how do I turn around

where does is there is someone that

I blacked out a lot I didn't really realize the extent of blacking out until after I sobered up

for example

I had a guy come in

this is the guy on the better in the third of my clients I could never remember having seen before

and we play who are you know what I promise I do for you and did I take any of your damn money our office parable time

bones are too frightened to

ask her but to frighten the let it ring

to go to court knows early they're sober and I'm there's a guy in a luggage department Abadia between my building on the corner

I'd go and he'd pull my guts together so I could face the court

and then on the way back home I got together for like if they see off of that a big pile of papers on there are scared to death open any of my

and the book priceless jewels but then my secretary betrayed me got married and left

and I had and I have this new woman who holds me in utter contempt

and rightly so

and then the third guy said **** it the one in the world do you mean I get that

is that enough okay president I'd understand he says well you got a job to do and say **** you go drink

you got to be a card or something like that but if you go to

we've got to go home you know during

so I understood that

and I became a hopeless helpless alcoholic recovery was cut

we did not have access to the steps that are available today

but I'm going to tell you now how I work the steps of Alcoholics Anonymous

I just completed the work I'm going to share that work with you

if you will bear with me please

this is how I'd

did the steps during this last time through

I

began for the step before the step

now do you have an individual the readers of the fish that chapter the stash but you didn't go back far enough

because it starts with saying if you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to do

when you're ready to take certain steps that's the step that has to be done before and I do that each time I go through the steps

you have a minute by this work I will live by this work I will die

I will go to any line not only to maintain sobriety the regional awareness and new understanding

to improve my conscious contact with god and having him in my life and in my heart

I'm very clear about that I review each step and I know the difficulties of facing the uncertainties on the unknown

and I make that commitment and I remember the time and place that I do that

I used to do it will someone him emphasize that

then that's before I begin ma'am

each time I sit down to write I reviewed the first three proposals I do it in this fashion

I do not seek answers I'm not looking for knowledge

I'm seeking a spiritual experience

the line of the first three steps are directed to give me direct conscious contact with god

and that experience

now the first step

as we admitted we were alcoholics and that our lives have become unmanageable

and my real alcoholic I've been to over a long time now

perhaps

I was an emotional wreck I'm not

and I'm because of my and if that was true

the government of my deep fears of my terrible emotional my terrible emotional content is that's why I drink

I am now stable by anybody's criteria

Natalie and mostly stable I'm in a profession that tested on a regular basis

so now I can drink normally

now

difficulties maybe that's why I drink god knows I had difficult

I had one set of people and wanted to kill me one fellow that I had kicked in the head in the Hilton hotel and a pearl handled gun rolled out of his briefcase and I picked him again and kicked the gun away and the copier and that kind of a messy little there but either he said I'm going to have them get you

and then I went home to my house on the second floor and I said and then I got out of the forty four postal I got about

seven and I want my underwear and the left waiting for them right

then I got scared of the damn gun

so I'm loaded the gun I sat with them together and I got scared of the empty gun and I sat and terror but they got to a certain terrorists and I

waiting for them

there was some real lambs to

I have a lot of trouble after people after me

money for unpaid debts run down work

for that some judges it was

I thought it would be inconvenient for me to continue the practice of law that another another block February ninth the fire alarm doors therapy to help me with my condition

that's why I drank because of all that trouble

but that's all straightened down demands have been made

they're all been cleaned up and removed

and now I can drink normally right

or perhaps I am a man whose lock washers like

that I will never be like another normal human being

when I will die in this fashion

and then if I take one drink I'm off to the right

and if I get started

I don't ever say that I couldn't make it back so I worked with to many long term sobriety that have make it back a lot that happened

but I work the better than a dozen over over twenty years of driving

friend of mine twelve years that drank a little while ago so

so I don't say that because that's not true is that says there's a limit on the power of god

but most to drink that after a lengthy sobriety don't make

another friend of thirty two years over well responsible for a good portion of the sobriety in northern Colorado

and

it took pills and went became a treatment counselor proposals

click here for complexion to die could get back in there

lovely man love them

you bet

alcoholism

the crew alcoholic

is a victim

of a deadly disease

to the true alcoholic drink is to die am I like that

am I like that

well

maybe I need to try the Marty manta

about two drinks a day for thirty days more or less no more no less and don't skip a day I'm a great believer in that by the way I tried that drink

I was pitched by a man the broken is the anonymity of law school

and it took when a little pink birthday Kay and they talked about god and I should be about

but he told me too much in one reserve Marty Amanda

I got drunk for days in a row thank god I didn't remember doing it twice over to your visit

we have three members of our group

could have done that taken it back on the street as normal people who are sold into a

for whatever reason

so if you can get it resolved

and it's vital that you do

let me tell you what happens to a straight in a

he doesn't talk grandpa

he does not have the commonality of experience

and while he speaks English language he does not truly know

the transaction that passes with one girl talking to another girl

and they get checker and they go crazy

and god help you if you're not don't let anybody sell your alcoholism

find out

there's another real problem to come in as a stray you're starting a spiritual program that demands rigorous honesty

with the fundamental live

that's correct

that can really get to

now

my life has become unmanageable

there is questions do not beg answers

there to lead you to experience we admitted we were powerless over alcohol that our lives have become unmanageable what does that mean

how is it with money

what about public service

the lady

MasterCard visa discover

local

is this what I intended

had I manage this without god

can I manage my financial affairs

hi there you go can I straighten out my own ego

can I relieve myself of this terrible burden

personal relationship do I know what I should tell you here

can I manage this conference

can I see who needs what who needs to hear what

can I manage this

of myself I am nothing without god I'm watch your knowledge I did not answer those question I remember my life what about my relationship with Jenny

last night only after last night

doctor on the phone

yesterday last week Tuesday is that what I intended

gotta love that girl

can I manage that can I maintain it

how about in my group

can I manage this

you feel the tension

that's what that tension you're going to follow through the steps

your comfort lover you will not enjoy this

they

Prozac is the new comfort weapon of choice

and if you're seeking comfort go the Prozac brown public does whatever it's going to do to

it's not new when I came out of our veterans just moving and delivery men and valium and then let them and then daughter that's out of about

this is no

awful things happen there's prejudice on that but there is not about solving the social problem of alcoholism not very many people gets over into an

did you notice how many more younger sobriety there was here than older about they all moved to Denver right fielder

sure

the vendor must have moved here right but

say

how old are you trip at York ironworker

later mutilated near Saturn York all the time and

the figure maybe six percent of the people that come in to get the station over I think a generous but to me it's pretty close to my experience

there's a deadly thing here

I may not be too nice of the liver of the message

but all I'm talking about is that I know somebody you're going to die and I pretty quick

may would make a difference here tonight I know some of you're gonna bring up for the year down and either people that are committed to the work

I will fight to

George George's sponsors evidently a fan of mine I suppose

he said his best wishes and is it George Benson time as Frank if they can get past his personality alike it

I don't know if he said that George's the natural diplomats that

I can imagine that tell I realized experience only

of myself I am nothing without god I am lost

and I know it

not as an intellectual exercise

we got a lot of election pumping away in a

god help

then I moved to the second step with this experience

do I believe am I willing to believe that there is a power greater than myself who will for me

resolve all manage

and take me into a whole state of consciousness

which I cannot imagine

I cannot conceive of

how do I get past here

and everybody here in this room is here

how the hell you gonna get past here

and the second step is to

here is the past

here

or perhaps I should all it

the smaller it

well this is all there is god is not all

this is limited for me if not all may be all for you but not for me thank god is not god

and I am a native

do you understand that with that too quick for it

the

am I willing to change my mind

when I came in and I don't have any on shrooms open mindedness meant that I would just add that

this new knowledge on top of all those vanished with them that I already

I couldn't hit my **** with both hands

and that hasn't changed the eagles still works in the same fashion

this phenomenon of the reconstruction of the terrible

let me tell you the longer you're sober the more difficult to work

make any mistake about

and easier and better your life

but there are no arrival place I would want certainty reassurance on arrival place and it just Russia more into the now

and then the third step

I made a decision

the turn our life and our will over to the care of god as we understood it

utterly abandoned myself to go

now the first requirement of the third step is the key that any live based on self well cannot succeed that's required you got to get past

decisions made on but what I believe to be true can never work

all the lady of

you'll fail person

all right am I willing to be an agent of got to sit here and speak in god shows as I speak now

pretty audacious and

how am I willing

to be an servant of god

am I willing to be an employee's and stay close

and do his work

then the third step prayer

god I offer myself to the

to do with me and to build with me as thou wilt

relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do that I will take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help a live power line eleven by way of life may I do that I will always

and I'm ready to write and I wrote

I'm gonna take the liberty I brought my inventory with you I'm going to read some selected portions of it

tell you how I wrote inventory this time

I get a ruler out I am brought my ruler

and I'm very careful and meticulous

when I write

I am dealing with power I understand I am dealing with power I am extremely careful with puff

I drove three

columns on a

on a page

I take the individual

inventory

in the second column

carefully in detail what I resent

and then in the third call I analyzed my

the third column is what I believe to be true

this is the

knowledge of how I know who I am

how I know things should come out how do I know what I need

how I know you should behave and treat me

both men and women and what money is

temple

self esteem that's who I am ambition what should happen security what do I lie for me all right

personal relations what are people of the same sex as I how they should behave and be encouraged me

fact relations offers for the opposite sex should be sold for three thirty how that works

you notice three columns

you know if I did not say for

now the fourth column has been created by a group of people educated way faster intelligence

thank you

please the philosophers that the flow of course not if any of you would care to discuss with me I'll be around tomorrow morning bring some inventory to me and I'll show you

most of the time it's just damn careless riding and draft drafting

and even worse you put a fourth hello man you can Dodge experience

and you're gonna get a conclusion

I get really hot that's what it is or you can call yourself names there

but remember we're speaking experience let's see how that works

this is about a crazy clad this guy's certifiable

I mean genuinely

number one he is crazy

number KHOU here's a spoiled woman raise boy with temper tantrums

number three I can't control him even by threatening him to withdraw

behind number four it hides behind his mother and she protection and endorses his madness she's an enabler

number five he whines insult

six he had his name the head of his child the firm Walter other complex custody case

number one then I had to write those down I rewrite them as I go through because it makes it easier to fish that

number one he is crazy

self esteem I'm saying

ambition to bring him to reason

I'm the hero

percolation there's no such thing as insanity yourself will that is selfish dishonesty self seeking an appraiser all of which you feel to me

security I need to see I need same compliant plans

talk about money for sanity

if you think it's funny what do what do you make a decision based on the starship like I

then I know these things are true if you get a feel for it now

now they said you look if you lived here yourself and self centered

appraisal for you think that isn't pretty evident there that I'm hurt interested with this guy because I can't get along with it let's go on

it is a well woman raised boy with temper tantrums

number two sophistry in Iran raised by men

ambition to give him the ball

twelve fifteen serene at peace cool that's another one I got two things going here I got two scenarios now a man's man

and I'm Mister patient pool import file

no wonder where I get confused and some of the situation

ambition the American when he has a tantrum

thanks religion women insist that men raise their voice

personalization a man is even tempered under control strong and clear he lives with others will leverage

full number three I can't control them even by threatening to withdraw

self esteem I'm a lawyer all powerful I know people I can manipulate anyone

ambition

the control him

M. three M. three M. four create him and my own image

personal relations all made me feel to make gladly

service

I'm indispensable I am important

I know what is best for you

pocketbook control the flow of money

security I need to control to be safe

number four

hide behind his mother and she protection enabled him

self esteem brave protected by god

that's me

the captain courageous John Wayne

laugh while Indian support

well the Spain I'm independent I'm dignified

ambition to install brains courage and dignity of the son of a ****

the other thing this guy is a very sick

in self esteem

I need no endorsement or or justification for others I am child justified by god no matter what others way

security I need to stand alone

reputation and prestige is a he or

pocketbook money falls independence money force courage money fortune tellers

he winds insult

tell the steam responsible I take comes with equanimity and without complaint who

well the steam the humble man

yeah I got a little complicated on

I let others be

I never try to manipulate

Saba St loving man I never withdraw to get my way

ambition to have them act like a man to take responsibility for his life

personal relations manner story brave open and loving giving selfless humble

security I need the power to create him in my own image self esteem professional I am immune to the whining and solve

that's a piece for a client I want to read a couple more

there are a

okay

this is about a guy and a a thirty three year so remember of our group

number one he sneaks in secretive like a jackal

number two we picked up the week members of the group button wholesome then panders to their weakness to their detriment and sometimes their death