The Open Door group in Tallahassee, FL

wow

thank you Donna

I'm gonna cut my name is dispatcher

and I'll tell you when I first came in this fellowship I never thought I'd be stand up here today

with them

twenty two year chip

thank you very much

I don't know what I'm going to do tonight I've got a I just my has been rolling around all day long and and I think you know

but mmhm my my book regular birthday is Monday may the fifth I must write nice nineteen eighty one

my home group as as this meeting here Saturday night outdoor speakers manning Emma sponsors Tommy Hicks from Crawfordville Florida and we've been together since nineteen ninety five and Tom Duffy died who

with Carlsbad Europe wells man

and when that

but Donna touched about the teacher will appear

you know I thought about Tom Duff an awful lot because he gave an awful lot of his time that time to curl into

and maybe if for whatever we are today maybe maybe Tom Duffy an awful lot to do with that

I would always like to thank elation

for being here I don't know where she left not ditching she always says well

if it's derby day

yes there's a birthday

and that's the way she remembers

as are the first Saturday in may as always during the day and usually that's my birthday septicemia is early the end let me tell you there is a significant share

those are the ones to do every day

may have heard the song they played before the running of the Kentucky Derby

if I know what the song was

hello Kentucky home you know who that was written by

Stephen foster you know why Stephen foster data

alcoholism is not a

crazy connection

but I'm not gonna go there I just I just I just thought I'd just reminisce for a little while and then at the last

maybe the last half hour I'll tell you how I got sober but up there's an awful lot of people that I'm indebted to

that they have helped me an awful lot

and

I was hoping one of them would be here but then Donna I mean that the time not as not as much poster girl

hi Tom it Kathy when Kobe here

Cathy she offers one of the first women and I got the opportunity to sit down with and we retention of phones up in intergroup

and I would come in a half an hour earlier than what my schedule time was answered the phone so we could just talk a little while and should stay over a half an hour so we can talk some more

after yeah tell me about our about or drunk or log in about her sobriety

and then

after she got the number little bit you tell me about her cancer Benedict I'm and also about being a survivor and I think when you can get that personal within about a man and a loved one that's a

that's where faith

I always felt I read this book every year cover to cover I've done it for twenty two years now my grand sponsor did that

and that because he did I thought I should do it too

and I always find something new in there

this past year has been one of the best learning years I've ever had

and a lot of times when I find stuff in this book I call you to call Joe because I can get a hold of him real quicker are called Doug because I get a hold of doc real quick and I'll run some bomb that I St

and this past year

Nancy's ex husband

was found dead

in his home at North Carolina

in early December anything had died on thanksgiving day supposedly

and the cause of death was chronic alcoholism is had a blood alcohol content of something like two point two eight or something

and now

we have I have four stepchildren and Manchester's Nancy's kids of course and

I thought a lot of time I I kind of laid back whenever talking about their father because I didn't feel I could I should really interfere and that I was always just supported what Nancy was doing with their kids and I never put my two cents worth in about this disease

and I got a lot of self secondhand information from Nancy mostly I'm about talking with her daughter basically

and I'm

and of course there should there was many red flags have popped up

you know he lost his job at the place where he had been working for about fifteen years

and that was a big red flag and the and the other thing is he

he was was engaged to a lady and and then get a casement Brokaw there's another red flag

he start isolation themself and not answer the phone there's another red flag

and now

as always there when I'm something like that happen to you sit come back come back in and start reading the book I just I want to find something just to make me comfortable to kinda

calming down a bit and and all of a sudden I was reading a book and

and this popped up on page twenty it says

our very lives as ex problem drinkers depend upon our constant thought of others

and how we may help meet their needs

and I didn't say alcoholics

and I got to thank again call Jonah read out to him and I said you understand that to mean that we're supposed to help people outside this fellowship and be available to

and Jess is Jess

as individuals

I think sometimes weird maybe too secretive we don't really let people know

that we suffer from this disease we may I be of help to

I don't worry about my anonymity if if I don't recommend self Nancy does

and but I think she does it because she she really thanks and I'll be helpful to people so you don't break it just because to be broken

and now and then you know there's everybody coach at page seventy seven and it also makes it says a lot of things that says our real purpose our real purpose

is a fit ourselves to be a maximum service to god and the people about us

thanks to the people about us

and there again it got me thinking that maybe maybe I am not doing want this book where he tells me to do and I believe in this book I've had a love affair for this book for about twenty one years I'll tell somebody must Brian days may the fifth nineteen eighty one my recovery date is September nineteen eighty two

and the reason for that is because I came in here and I started working this program walking the steps off the wall

and all I ever had was an off the wall program

mana and I did that for fourteen months

you're now signed up I was still sick individual

huh

so I think I have been trying to be helpful the more people don't just alcoholics and and I like just kind of encouraging me to read this book and find out if that's what you're supposed to do to

and then now I can say it's been a learning year for me

I thank god that really wanted me to get a master's degree in education

about working with others

and this past week here

he allowed me to go up to Thomasville

Georgian set

with Nancy's grandson Jake who had his tonsils out last Friday

and he's three years old

and now he had kind of a hard time they they reduced they had a man on Friday they sent him home on Saturday he wouldn't eat or take his medicine to put it back in on Sunday and captain Monday Tuesday I really got kind of angry I really had to say some prayers for those people are who I thought was mistreating

you know I now do I got my three year olds I think should be

you know helped a little bit more along the lines of what some of the page pricing when it comes to having her tonsils out or something that dramatic

but anyway I got up at seven o'clock in the morning and his mother laughter she started a new job so she can take off to be with him

and the first thing we got to do is watch could be due

and I sit there and thoroughly enjoyed

and then after Scooby doo was off the Grammy Ballaghaderreen deus

and that he went out we open the door we went outside and we went to the same path

a sandbox

and in a sandbox we've got to dig

holes

we got to build mountains you know we've got to move dirt I'm a sand from here to there

and then later on we moved from there back to here

and you know is all the time as always the two of us here gave me his shovel and he went on another show he gave me his back and he went got another bucket

and then after that he says it's hot

and we went back inside says

may bring

and we go to refrigerator three years all he reaches that make it just blew Pepsi

and they can you know take the cap off

and he's got a great make up that I got from the hospital on and I had a little Cup that he probably normally uses but he filled up his Cup with all that blue passion and fill me up about mouthful

yeah now and he said Hart NASA down so I just went ahead and drank

and then he looked up and saw it and have a said need some more

any check is cut

and felt markup that's again

and then I would like that he said come on this

and we went in his bedroom

and it allowed me to sit on his chair

and he raced out when I got to coloring brushes he gave me one and they kept the other one they said we're going to paint

repainted airplane

we plan the stars

we painted houses

we painted about eight or nine different things until he got turned up

and then we went back out to the semblance

yeah and went through that routine again

he entertain me the vast why he possibly could

and he shared with me every single thing that he had

and I thank god it's telling me that sometimes we don't do that working with others

we don't share I came back and I

lace is one of my always share with her and so on I remember there was a

some not read one time on the internet about everything I know I learned in kindergarten

and I went and I found that now senator lace and then we got to talk about it Thursday we sit down and talk a little bit about you know what we can really learn to help other people with but I really think that god really put me in Jack's day that day just just for me to have a good time and I did I came home and well after ten minutes of six I'd been almost eleven hours and I wasn't tired

I just had a really good time

and I came home and I had probably gone up the next day if anybody wanna make too because it was so good but I had other things to do so

I stayed here but I really appreciate it and I thank god for giving me a day to me

a couple things that popped up my head I I want to I want to say because

I sponsor some people and there's a couple people that that the past couple years of at that I've

I work with that I really

anchored down and read really good job and I'm not gonna mention anybody's name but one guy came to me about

Bobby year and a half ago and had about three months or brown asked me if I am sponsoring Hammond

that he said he had had much success at that no getting sober at all

we had about twenty six or twenty eight white chips

and I said well yes if you want if you just want to follow a few simple rules I said that's all I ask in

I said if that's it will go ahead and work together

we

and then

okay that's cool yeah the staff

get into is a man's and

and not

pretty much I thought was going along pretty good name one day coming up on the telephone

and he said I think I need to talk to you

and I said well

once you come on over

and

we're going downstairs and talk and I said I thought maybe it's about something else I didn't really know what it was about

so when it came out of the house we got a Cup coffee went downstairs that's where my office is Nancy moved down here two years ago

and that's why I think she got rid of my

he came out he said I'm having troubles Makin a man

and I said wow

Hey Smartmatic whenever drink and use and he said

I was dating this girl and I was and he said everything was going pretty good and send and then she date

and he said

I'm just having a hard time trying to figure out what I'm going to do it

and I said well there's there's a misstep itself says to make direct amends

and I said so

and I said so come Monday come Sunday morning I want you to put a lawn chair and your truck

and I want you drive to cemetery and I want you to get out and I want you to pop at lawn chair down beside her grave and I want you to tell her

everything that you need to tell

I am I the first time that ever happened and I don't know where it came from I'm sure that I heard along the line somewhere that happened

and

I think two days later that bumped into him

and he said that

Hey Sir I really feel good he said I have a all that burden I had on my heart is not around anymore

and I said I really feel like this program is going to work for me this time and he said I think I think making a man's is the best thing I could possibly do in order to straighten out my life

and now he's coming up on two years pretty so

some of you might know who he is

hi the other thing I'd like to get it gets get some emails every now and then and people want to know where is it and and a big book or or or fax me some questions and what a very interesting this week said that

every time I go to a man in the chair presence ever going to have a moment of silence followed by this for many prayer by the time I start doing some in a moment of silence

based artist ready player

I am not Axar land from us and I thought that was fun and I said what are you trying to do in a moment of silence and she said she was trying to set some prints for sale

Anna I said what I don't think that's really what I a method to do

with the moment of silence and chase room shop backs is a whole lot of response to do and I sent my sponsor always told me to use a moment of silence to ask god to be into this meeting

and I am very sandwiches set me back she said I knew it had to be some sample

yeah

Anna she's got six years Sir Bradley solution that should you know she's pretty good at doing that

a lot of times that I was there get masked protester who wrote that

and

I think it was anything that I want to change in the big box

I think it made a chapter two wise because I think there's been a misprint there I think it should be T. W.

to watch

because everybody's got my **** to watch

many more people are rated up his title to wiles

one lady asked me one time she said that

I don't get all these great questions she said

this is there any song that's actually related to Alcoholics Anonymous

I said I don't know

and she said well what song would you think of the bay

and I said somewhere over the rainbow

Weipa

there's a land that without it once upon a lot about

and she said thank you

and that I don't know where all this stuff comes from but I just I just love his fellowships are good I think that you know when they ask me and you know what my opinion is that I'm going to tell you

and now cross as I can have opinions if you all this may have

twelve step program

our

I did I got I am I did get my opinion out time one time I did this year I think

the people that was in the my last big look workshop somebody asked me what was my favorite book outside of the

good luck about comics anonymous and I said it's a book that was written by a former presidential candidate George McGovern about his daughter Terry

and a lot of you have gone out and read that book

and not I think it's probably gives us the best lesson

of what to do with people and how to work with them and what not today because George McGovern did everything the experts told him to do

and it's still failing

his daughter still died of alcohol is

it's a great book and I think that is a good lesson there for somebody

ever wants to read it

asked me one time if what what changes in meetings were allowed to happen and now I thought of one the other day and and I also heard it from somebody else that

I think when we tell newcomers to get phone numbers

I think it ought to be a two way street

I think we ought to give them our phone number

and we get their phone number and if we get a new comers phone number I think we ought to call him at least three times

to encourage him to come back

sometimes we leave these newcomers out there and just like a fish in water

you know every now you got the home who can get to me

and I think I think we need to pay more attention to our new coverage we get an awful lot of men here

and let them pick up some wrong things aside and I remember because I mean one time and we talked down on the front porch of costs and some one of the young people in there and said you know just work the steps to best your building

and boy you don't say that to an old timer

and Carl Carl said now

you work the steps thoroughly precisely and completely you don't known to the best you're about

that's not in this book

and you know that some of the things I think we get should get around to the new commerce because

I know it's we can't teach Amman though that you know it's it's kind of crazy I guess corona we're lucky we have some railing ****

for teachers Anna

course must have you heard about my first monster selecting

Nick was as tough on me as any drill sergeant is on any new soldier I mean he really was

and you know he worked every time I did something bad he called me a dumb **** hillbilly

and then even if I did some good it's still common hillbilly

I really didn't think you like

I really don't think they like me

and then when I found a finished all this testing program the with one of the best times ever had I'd be able to go over his house one Sunday afternoon

and we should turn back upon a cough and just talk

you know and I tell you the things you can learn from long timers

and I think I think that's what you all the younger people want to do is take advantage of the old timers crowd tell me one time he went under the twelve step anymore and I said that's not true you got to do it

Hey does he has to continue doing it

because there's there's nobody else has come around it's going to do it like he doesn't

and it has a very well

an area I'm hard on him too by the way I don't know whether it does or not but I gave a birthday card myself by twenty five years and that card all right you've got fifteen minutes to enjoy this thing you got to get started on the next twenty five

and they said you're tough man

and now I do have never made the cut I do appreciate a loving what he does for this fellowship and I think we should take advantage of me more often we should take advantage of

of the old timers

I am I'm very very lucky I've got a lot of people that call me and not one call on John

good

John work is very good jog Joe

you know I go around here and just talk about a key phantom bomb out sound like Kathy shelf for that so I get a lot of telephone calls and believe me you don't know how important those phone calls are to us you know as we get older we lose more of our friends that we were

and this fellowship with

and you know it's a dying kind of a dying breed and so we don't have contact with those like we used to so we depend upon to young people you know maybe con a certain check in on us you're found out some and we do appreciate it blaming I never thought I'd be talking like this is an old timer

I didn't know I was an old time until Nancy one time we went to a meeting at ten years sobriety

Anna

and it was this meeting and that and may I don't drink coffee Nancy that she went got a Cup coffin came back and she said to see those two girls over there and I said yeah and

you know it's got a Cup of coffee house and I know who they are said

well I said I want this one was telling the other said that's D. as over there he's an old timer

and I knew the family had it made yeah

I was a long time or not could be recognized as an old timer

hi

I will just take me down because I believe it's really true I said that

many people say the day is believing in god

I don't think that's true at all

I think it's more believing that you're not gonna

thanks in a little while and then

that's what says in a big book to first of all we had a great plan god

yeah I think I talked about one time was anonymity down it costs and

you know sometimes we take I am an empty statement too far and we think we have to be very protective of it and and that's not true

you know and I I there's no anonymity

my name's dispatcher that's Doug bags at

R. Armstrong as Donna Duffy we should let people know who we are

a lot of times people go around so well I'm not gonna name him hi Tim tam they don't know his last name

so don't be scared if in the end I aiming to

to tell people who we are

I don't watch TV too much sometimes dance and I like certain shows but it was miserable TV last night and she went to take a bath meant to ban serve us for some reason another turn it around once a

a king

I do watch him occasionally I haven't too much lately because I'm like I was getting tired of watching war

but that that's not a hat on Dick Van **** and Mary Tyler Moore

they're going to be in a movie tomorrow night on on

public television

but at the end of the show

you know what they both declared

they both remember some of us

and they both gave praise to the fellowship

and they thanked day for all the help that they give millions of people

an amazing

Adam protector anonymity

and I'm

it's pretty good

hi

like I said I'd stumbled around for fourteen months in Alcoholics Anonymous and not

there many many times when somebody sitting at a table and somebody will walk by the table one point down just like this to me because I wouldn't get anywhere at all

I went to a meeting one night and

and that

I felt a tap on my shoulder when I did I turned around like never this old man standing there and he said your name Davis

and I said yeah

he said my name slick innocent I'm your new sponsor

and I said the

who said so

Hey turn around any point ending there was three guys stand over there and it says

those three guys over there he said we drew straws and I lost

India

I later found out

but those three guys there one was real Dominic at thirty eight years read Davis had thirty three years and Carl I'm not Carl Clarence Pritchard had twenty nine years so there was over a hundred years sobriety and those three guys over there

and I don't know why I had I didn't get arrogant like I probably would any other time of something just came over me I thought maybe I better pay attention to what this man's dot

I really don't know why but I I said well okay

and they said well is that I live at sun sun sun Sony said on lunch over at that house on the Sunday at two o'clock

I said okay

I had to look it up on a map to find out where you live and not

at two o'clock I was over there not parked in front of his house and he came out nope no man made front door

and they open the door

and then we went in the kitchen had a pot of coffee on but he had an old portion one kitchen table has to been seventy years old man

and not

so that's where we set up porcelain tile

and that man at that time at twenty two years surrounding

and he started spoon feeding me this book

and everything in this book

on that Sunday afternoon

and probably for the next year

we met up every other Sunday

and he was been paid me this

everything in this book

yeah

it started take me through the steps

and along the steps he would explain everything to me

and it was an old newspaper man he worked for the Winston Salem journal

and his notoriety well did he covered one of the largest murder trials in North Carolina history and that's the

the Smith

camel cigarettes at Smith Reynolds death he was he was murdered

and they had a big crown he covered it for the eight PM to unite you pay so

one of the things you used to do is just a very disband over top of it but he because the newspaper man he always headache on his hands so he had a habit of Stanton and even stand like this

and it's been locked out when I was at St at the kids table due to look at

it was just you know very demanding sprightly

Harsha sensitive

and I certainly was

we talked about step one you know

so we admitted we were powerless over alcohol that our lives have become unmanageable

and I learned this from me and tell about the Y. afterwards because he thinks he and broke down the word to me

you know what the word meant mains to let in if if you go to a theater buy tickets as a mid one

so that ticket will let you enter the whole theater don't put you in a projection both

put you anywhere else put you in a home theater

when every factor called on bill Wilson

you know to try to give him his program

there was just couldn't believe it because he's you know he's that every a soap he just couldn't believe it because every was our worst kind of drunk

he was a lot like us specially may

I know

but as every risks given trying to get a bill the program bill notice one thing about it and some pages it's always in this book everything is in this process

here is something at work in a human heart

Richard done the impossible

you know I didn't say that he was doing all this and he's had an election

he said it here at something in the human heart

and then

if you really read about the first step says it says that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we route calling

there's no definition of innermost introduction

yeah the only thing I could even think about that had a word in around it but the light was entered to

and you're not entertaining goes around the whole time just don't go in a portion of the time

and us okay

and then there's another statement here on page twenty from this as a central fact of our lives today

is it is the absolute certainty is our creator has entered into our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed miraculous

and so

slack said you don't work there step first step in your head

that's where intellect is and that's where self will is

and self will will keep you sober

Hey said you got to work this first step from your heart

that's where your emotions are

and that's where you can accept things

if you accept this program and in your heart there's another positive thing that might happen to you something dramatic might happen to

could be the death of a loved one could be a divorce or something like that

if that happens in your life you can accept it because you can accept it from your heart if you try to do it intellectually you might go get Taco

and so I believe that you got to work the first step in your heart and I want to thank select for

give me that

can you believe that a power greater self could restore us to sanity a lot of tough with them I mean I had a lot of tough time with that

I had to

attended church regularly as a Presbyterian

fairly regular I don't mean every day every day

I was a Sunday school teacher

I was an adult advisor to the senior fellowship I sang in the chorus

and one year I served a three year period as trustee

and I did every single one of those things

I you know I never got any closer to god

then what anybody else with that situation and I look back on it today and I think the reason for that is because I wanted to I thought I should get something in return for all that I was doing

and that's not the way this program more

yeah I didn't have any kind of relationship with god because I wouldn't allow it to

to happen I wanted something else out of

and so I have a lot of problems

misstep to

and but I told select asset okay

I'm going to believe there is a higher power and I'm going to blaze a doubt higher power's going to restore my sanity

at least I was about sixty percent

that way

huh

and I was a traveling salesman at that time

and one time I travel I should tell ya got sober North Carolina so that's why I keep saying there

and I had to travel back to Ohio and I was going to West Virginia

and now travel to West Virginia I got a good friend named George Guardia he and I went to different schools gather

and now

Sir George has a meeting at seven thirty AM morning call the mustard seed group

and I said okay I'll be there and and then that day I went and there was a man there

and maybe just sitting around the circle on course doors open reading everything and start out we start talking about different things and

everybody went around the room until I got to a certain point and it never stopped this man

in addition self is name is Ted

I said I was pretty worried

and he said that the next day he had to go in the hospital for three or four a bypass operation

and he just didn't want feeling good about it needs he just kept talking about you can just hear the fear in his voice

and now

after he went ahead and told about always fair and everything else one of the guys sit in about two

chairs over from him

was a man I worked in a Florida garage he was a mechanic because he had on that Ford uniform

and not he said that Ted he says

what time are you going to be operated on

and Ted said when they got me scheduled for eight o'clock in the morning

and this mechanic looked over and he said can I tell you what I'm going to

he said tomorrow at eight o'clock I'm gonna ask my higher power debate with you and help you throughout operation

I knew right then and there

that step two was exactly the way it was written

I believe more than anything in the world

that that higher power was with Ted

the next day to help them get through the operation

I can hardly stand it because I went to Ohio and worked as there about five days for a trade show and I had to come right back

and the reason I had to come right back go that many had to find out what happened to it

and when I did I said Ted had came to the operation very well was doing doing super

and I convinced myself then that

a high power can restore me to send it to to

hi my name is a safe mode turn our will and our lives over to care god as we understood him

make a decision and that's all and ask us to do make a decision

and I had known about making decisions because when I was in college

on Monday Wednesday and Friday there was a we had a break from ten to eleven we can do anything we wanted to

in a couple of guys I ran around with like we like to go downtown

and I don't have a Cup of coffee or a Cup of hot chocolate at

at McCurry's because they had a donut machine and we've never seen whether donations

but you fill this thing up and down and pop out a little circle in this hot grease it go around that would turn that down on over to cook on the other great thing to kick it out

the girl in the put

but now I see chocolate icing or powdered sugar something on it and you know we can go down there for ten cents and have to down us and a Cup of coffee