Steps 6, 7, 8 and 9 at the Carry This Message Group in West Orange, NY

I now like to introduce our guest speaker for the month of October speaking on step six seven eight and nine Peter and from Brooklyn

everybody if you're not a whole lot

I'm tempted to say all right is what I will

very briefly recovered member lawful synonymous and again thank the group and Michael for this very kind invitation to me to be here

to share with you my expiration date hope from this message but I'm going from the big book Alcoholics Anonymous

you know I share something with you often times we do some things I know I do an awful synonymous and we're looking for the big picture the big meetings the you know the burning bush of the seas parting and the answer is like so simple and right in front of us so tonight around five thirty are your sitting meditation

and I'm in this meditation and it was it was a wonderful time I mean I'm talking to my god he's talking to me we're on this journey and we're talking back and forth and you know it was it was a really neat experience and

I got some really need information this meditation but then it got really quiet and I sat there listening to the silence if you will and suddenly this little voice says get ready

and I come out of meditation and I stand up and get ready to ready for home for life it seems the world what might we don't get ready when we gonna do and I saw the alarm clock it's a ten after six I really get ready to get here tomorrow

sometimes you know you're looking for this big picture and god saying you know schmuck you want to trust you

I tell you a story I I know some you guys may be familiar with the story between standing up here tonight and taking myself a little too serious in this meditation

interesting thing happened to me I have four years ago on my travels to Mexico one time my wife and I decided to travel to it stop in Mexico we had been to other parts and we want to try this one spot she had a brainstorm about extracting Mexico so we decided to go down there and anytime we get an opportunity to travel the first thing I do is called New York into groups and find out where the eight meetings are and that's what I did like always I called up on New York in two group and I asked them for meeting in mixed up Mexico and even heard of exile in Mexico and I smoke there's got to be a meeting down here yeah he's all over the world find one and I suddenly had a committee on the other end of the phone looking for example Mexico on the computer they have nothing and one person suggested that I call up Mexico City then D. into group over there I mean it's a group office so you know what I decided to call Mexico City I'm living in bay ridge Brooklyn and I'm calling Mexico City and the guy on the phone they didn't speak English and I don't speak Spanish so if anything like me if someone doesn't understand your language what do I do is I holler at the Paris some walking over the phone it thinking that would get the message across in yeah I think he was cursing back at me in Spanish and I called a few times and I got someone on the phone we spoke a little bit of English give me a phone number for gentlemen who live down there

and I called him up and he says oh well we don't have English speaking means that we do have some supposed to get it to go to a coffee shop

and we'll talk in my skin off like we want to get down there and so I get down I checked into the hotel and I ring this guy up first thing in this no answer and I call on the second day in a cool bunch of times and finally he gets back to me and he tells me well maybe we'll get together next week some time and I will not be back in Brooklyn that's a little bit late he's wanting you trying a Spanish speaking meeting is you want to mail meetings the meeting you know this is good enough and he told me where the meeting was and I have a moral toll for mixed opportunities you want in a home and this was I'm gonna say about an hour cab ride forty five minute cab ride and I leave these really nice confines of my hotel and I'm approaching she wants in a hole and it's getting worse and worse the poverty that I that I was to encounter I never saw anything like it before people living in in in the middle of containers trailer containers in in these wooden huts and they couldn't afford shoes to wear and the clothes which one it was it was a tough time and I drove up to this meeting place I was on vacation I had some money in my pocket and some new clothes on and I remember taking my jewelry off on because I I feel really uncomfortable with that I don't know the last time these people and I had some jewelry on a new clothes I was a little awkward about that and I walked up to his **** thirty forty guys outside the meeting place and I asked about the a meeting and they pointed to the back and some guy came out and he spoke perfectly good English and he was there by way of California very successful California

awesome getting his family back to the west coast with him and I remember telling the other brother lived in Staten Island will places and so what we did we sat down and I shared a little bit of my story with him and he did with me and suddenly I got provided me with a new found friend

and I went to the meeting and I caught the tail end of a business meeting and there was about I don't know fifty sixty people there and most of the mobile man just a just a few women and with the most enthusiasm I have seen and any business meeting to get a commitment to make coffee to clean the bathroom to clean up the sink whatever it was it was as if their life depended on the next service commitment they did and I wish I could say that about all the holes but that's what was going on here and it was a two hour format with eight speakers and I remember going back a couple nights later and met my friend and now the guys you mean they welcomed me in and and I sat down in the back way in the back end up remember walking in and see a picture of bill and Bob and although the steps were in Spanish they were all steps there was a circle and a triangle and although the words were in Spanish to certainly trying to was my circle or triangle and I filled home another place which is really wonderful things about apple's numbers some sitting in the back in the states the the speaker's position was like this well from the side like sympatric species I mean it was just this thing and

first we got down in a chair person pointed to the back room sitting with my friend and he pointed to me and my friend says come on let's go ice is go where he should speak prices remain gonna speak these up front high season I don't speak Spanish as you speak on purpose don't worry about it end up so I get up there and I remember thinking god get me out of this one I'll never drink again

source student from these people they're looking at me like who is this guy would you get him from and it was as if I we share this it was as if I was standing in front of my first meeting and getting my first talk I had that moment it was one of one of my gonna share with these people what can possibly sharing you know when you remove yourself from wherever you are it turned into god and that's exactly those father please give me words here because I'm a little stuck and I began to say what was I looked at my phone was sent to my right and

when I saw it on the whole okay because when he says you're not kidding that he didn't say that he interpreted everything I said I would look at him and he would interpret it just a few minutes into this talk

you know when you know people are identifying with you in the walking your journey with you

and I turned to god for words and I learned a very valuable lesson a lesson that I heard about no go zones now is to experience it and that is when we speak from the heart we touch the heart because bill we said this is the language of the hot and we worlds apart really and I know where I was in have a good idea of where they work we brought together with a common problem in a common solution in the second place called a hoax anonymous and when I got done they let me know how grateful they were for me coming down and sharing my story with them and I mean I've I've been I've had the privilege of speaking in many many places thank the good lord

this was just a little bit different thought this place was in a sort of spot is you want and they hope and yet the spirit of god was alive in the love that was in the room was insurmountable and I was a part of it and that was just a great thing for me

the flip side of this whole story though is me and my trying to be a great A. a member one particular day on my way to this meeting I had the the address and I got the brainstorm that I was going to be a super spiritual giant the stay and protect anonymity at all costs because I want to pull my traditions and being a good member of a single protect anonymity so what I do is I go down to the lobby with the you know the bell hops off and I called the book the bell hop over my best Brooklyn spiritual attitude ASU's commitment we'll talk to you and

he came over and I so want to go over here and he said C. C. C. W. W. I should keep quiet I don't want to know where I'm going so what he did was he walked out to will cancel lined up Lewis when you although I'll go home and go out

women a woman clutching their purses and holding the children

in the whole the entire hotel knew that I was a member of Alcoholics Anonymous

so I think it's real sixty two says not to take ourselves too seriously and you know god has a sense of humor sometimes I use the I look for the big picture and it's really right in front of me

I'm very grateful to be recovered member of Alcoholics Anonymous and has recovered member I automatically assume a responsibility to uphold the traditions as well as a tradition of Alcoholics Anonymous to study literature and to listen to the experiences of our all time is I'm not just to know more but to understand

the White road appears when I understand what is I going to I become a better member holds on to save my life the very least I can do is not only being awakened member but also being a full member of this this place called Alcoholics Anonymous and to pass this message on that was so freely given to me

one of the things I'm very grateful for is staying where I am currently is doing a lot of

one learning

of old ideas that didn't work and experiencing new ideas that do work and cutting loose from some of my attachments but he held onto for dear life that I worshipped him with moving me little by slowly into parts of page fifty two on a big book

and I wondered what what is my dilemma I'm going to meetings I'm writing every time doing all this stuff and get experience in certain areas of my life data causing me some this season discomfort what is wrong I call my sponsor three times a week

I'm working with all this I'm doing a lot of things I'm told to do I'm very disappointed my inventory you know what I feel like on certain days on flat line

what's going on

what seems to be a problem I saw her German say turn out to be a great opportunity which is what we get here as we move along this journey what seems to be problems as a walking on and following directions I'm not talking about you showing up here in expecting you know things to happen but following directions in these disciplines sometimes what happens is we don't cover we pull back the way is this a problem presented to us when one of okay what do I do now

what did I do what did I do

it's really god's way of presenting another opportunity for me to grow up spiritually to go a little bit deeper so I can go out to go in so I can go out

and this is what I've encountered over the last few months with this work when I first seems to be a problem turned out to be a wonderful opportunity

and and what was presented to me seems to be a flimsy read and once again proved to be a loving a powerful hand to god because I had to turn back turn back to this power and it was made write songs in going through that it's a little bit uncomfortable this is squeezing Draco's armor found as we go along in this work especially with that ten eleven twelve this is squeezing out goes on if you if you use a sponge to kind of clean the kitchen sink every so often you run on the one you squeeze to get what's out so to make room for new the five Philip this glass to the top and try to put new water is just gonna overflow has to be emptied out in order to be filled up

and for me that squeezing that was happening was a little uncomfortable I have fourteen years of being sober here one might get squeezed together I wasn't too sure

to my book is really clear that our goals a subtle photo should not rest on my laurels

remember my sponsor having me look up these words total info because I went to university of Bensonhurst Brooklyn and I have no idea so

so who was the slight clever defuse difficult to detect and and and focused person wanted me great words for alcoholism

so you know I'm around here a little while and I showed last week about becoming a trade the compatibility it'll come back and bite me

and I finally looking to you for use of living all over page fifty two wondering what's going on but here I was being squeezed in a wheel you know what I'm going to

about a year or so ago this gentleman came out to New York to give a talk and I had heard some of his talks before on tape and I was very much opposed to what he had to say very much impressed with superintendent that it's even talk to the guy

and finally most up enough courage and ice I spoke to this guy one time and the quiet voice asked me to

coach me to asking for help

he went back to Texas and came back up here for another weekend big book seminar and we we talked a little bit further and he had given me some information before we got here while he was here and has been helping me since and this is been a great experience for me having a new teacher our new experiences and understanding because of the experience I've had not just words and I'm giving you the experience of top of staying current

too often I've heard people you don't give a talk about a force that that happened forty years ago

twenty years ago fifteen years ago

where are you now where are my right now

and sometimes that's a little bit uncomfortable to go through

to go through all this work again

I learned again about the problem in step one young manage ability what that's all about the allergy obsession to alcohol

are the phenomena creating done when it whenever I check up with the craving was always intensified never satisfied part of my manageability wasn't only the way I was living with you manage ability of not having a clue as to when I was going to pick up again just doing just knowing what's going to happen

and once I picked up a little better off I bought back hell every time

I was brought to this dispute and does jumping off place an uncle synonymous gave me my solution and step through that this loving god was gonna restore me to sanity wholeness of mind where my mind was free to do so obsession to drink alcohol which meant there was no compulsion no obsession allergy going on because of a spiritual waking hours I would be given this was promised to me

this wasn't well maybe this will happen if you do this like most things that happen in my life this was promised to me this was one of the great things that happened to me and they said it was I made a decision tree to get to that solution I began house twenty four through nine I was told early on if you wanna know how to work step three put pen to paper and for close it down with someone five complete the rest of his work

why so many things about me instead of for many things that I wasn't too thrilled about seeing my selfish and self centeredness across the board how my life is driven by fear even when I didn't think it was driven by fear my fourth column was the most uncomfortable thing to look at it was the most freeing thing when a book talks about prepared to look at it from a totally different angle boy boy that's always a plus ensure

but at the same time in not squeezing this a great freedom in the discipline of this work disagree freedom that happens is the by product of it if you will

the discipline does freedom

and I saw some things about me that I wasn't too thrilled about

my wife driven by fear I just stood being I knew was being tough

I don't know what was fueling up was fear

when I would actually like to I just it was too good I didn't want any powers will stay away from because you too painful I didn't know they actually should be in was being fueled by fear

these are some of the things that reveal to

go through six inventory of fear inventory

the principles institutions all these things that was this rage that blocked me from this power I had to face for the first time and be rid of for the first time in my life these things which were going to set me free

you know it you're looking at a first check one or I can go through it thank the good lord for good sponsorship and I say good for reason I mean one person is better than another then another what I need to buy that is someone who's had an experience with this information a reliable sponsoring someone who needs this information not someone in custom don't trip go to meetings sponsoring someone who needs this information if they don't they will drink and die

and I've seen that many many times or for

don't drink go to meetings join the A. sold the team to softball team you'll be fine gourmet coffee to sobriety the coffee pot I'm sure we'll fifteen years I'm still looking for it

what would you give the sponsor who's the real often walk of our time

who experiences this these three things obsession or compulsion the spiritual malady it has had in a way can be through this book sponsor of the person great things happen not only for the prospects for the sponsor also I've been on both sides

so what are our hardest used to all this work done in my footsteps and I have to go sit down are sponsoring five and I remember my people telling me that if I I may not get over drinking if I if I didn't take the step

what was enough information to go there and sit down with this guy in five and yet I remember thinking when I first started with my sponsor this guy must have invented Alcoholics Anonymous because he walks on water

he's that much above everything form the first time ever encountered a man like this in my entire life

it was certain teachers that will put right in my life right before my spots but then this guy shows up if this means making press to my god sponsored by like this guy shows up and he was just he was a

I had to go to his house to share my fist up and suddenly I wasn't too sure about this guy over the years were coming back because I I should this last week I grew up with you know the only thing you trust is the money in your pocket

you don't tell anyone anything especially those intimate things and if you think I'm gonna sit down another man to talk about my sex life you're out of your mind

this is not gonna happen and I got that feeling you know that feeling we get in August when something's not right

and looking back to me was the horror show I had left off when I got here in June twenty third nineteen eighty eight

and I hit my knees and I made a prayer and god got me to this guy's house and I sat down and shared with this guy

I know when I got done with my fist up something's happened to me

I remember feeling like I was really part of Alcoholics Anonymous for the first time I was really like I was doing something it was a great relief that was that I was experiencing that this work was done

up until this point

we have some fish the promises they talk about remember feeling finally released but one of the promises that but feel the need to serve our creator and I remembered not only feeling I put the newness of another human being god does work through people one person knew me my entire life top to bottom I told this guy in my entire life story and then if you want to see life story my inventory

the books is required for one hour and we move on to six step of questions and then to seven and so on I felt really good so I took an hour and I took a day and took a week in the month and

it was about two months later or so and I was getting sick because I didn't want

and I was going to mediation I just finished my fifth step in talking away this wonderful experience I had

I'm not moving on and I start to get this being becoming Russia's here one discontented I start to look at A. X. because what kind of a across I like mineral halogen they are

and do I really need to call my sponsor I'm feeling good

there was a gentleman in town not too long ago so it's something that I kind of knocked me off my chair if it feels good doesn't always mean it's good it feels better doesn't always mean it's bad I was feeling good and that was and that was bad news because I wasn't moving on and I was starting to get sick

spiritually sick I was becoming if you will untreated I was getting blocked again from this power that I just moved me from hell to freedom

the record of my sponsor and in some very earthy language you reminded me of my refusal to move on and this is one of the any lines and what I had to do was sit down a premeditation and go back to the five proposals review if I had anything out and move on to sex step six and do some things to consider in step six

I think all can take from me everything that I consider was objectionable now a lot of things I I I took that that was my fourth column to a lot of things in my fourth Congress certainly objectionable those are the things that will block me from this power

well the answer to that question was yes and they keep coming can you not take them all everyone the answer to the question was yes

so what I learned is I need to show up with a spirit of willingness and that's part of my six step I need to show misspelling spirit willingness and based on the first five proposals I was brought to a place of willingness I just got by Phil cute for awhile and kinda rest on my laurels once again

going through the first five proposals I saw the harsher I relived the horror show not certainly propelled me into moving on

to some questions on the bottom of our page sixty two I forget the page right before we get into a six step we talked about have I tried to make skipped on this the cement

all my students properly in place

how could you this labor trying to build this auch wait for me to walk through free instrument taking short cuts I was a union worker for a long time and all about short cuts and most of those things and stand too long and I picture this labor of taking short cuts that I want that or they want the solid foundation and how to review my five foot poles and make sure I wasn't trying to skip Bollywood anything China see anything through the software

that came after a lot of prayer some more inventory in some meditation and sitting down more sponsors and sharing about some of the things I may have left out the first time

and based on that spirit willingness I have placed my seven step

when I found out my service that has nothing to do with me it has everything to do would be a maximum service to god of people around

once again I'm turning good and bad to god because it's not for me to decide what's good about me that would be awfully arrogant

I mean I think something's going to you know do you think I do something good well this is good for me it may not be it's something that I think is not good for me is is exactly what god means for me to do

so I just once again turn everything to go like I did in step three

they talk about in this prayer to go out from here right from not place to do his bidding not mine

his body was the the stuff I have to do to be ready the nine to repair the damage that I caused out of my own effort to live rock life and so forth

stepping up to the used to great words damage in the brief

later on sept thirty talk about a tornado warning to allies of others but to Italy's town is damaging the bridge

that was made for me to tell you just don't go to meetings that's a lie it's contrary to my book

when I sat with the servants that printer showed up and stepping

before I move on to step eight it's important for me to show what happened to me this last time going through this work

did the first time going through I was kind of like being lead around this what do I do next because I'm dying the way it was just tell me what to do

this last time I had a different experience I sat with the among my sponsor my current sponsor and I turned over all my footsteps in this fifty separate spirits and he like the first time I went through do not

judge me once

you know didn't look at me

like there was something wrong with me Hey listen related a lot of similar experiences that he had that was similar to mine he gave me some information to go out from there with we talk for a little bit deeper into some inventory is very comforting time form

as a comfortable as it was going through

and I remember when I got there and he gave me some instructions for sixty seven I went home and I was quite full one hour enough I thank god from the bottom I hardly knew him better the book talks about we may have had speech release would not begin to have a spiritual experience in the first time it may have been the infancy of one but it was starting and what I didn't know it was going to be the infancy once again for me of this new experience

a new experience

and I went home for now and I I did my prayer and I will went through the first five proposals and I did something really silly I heard people do decide to put my book on a shelf and take it down from the show I don't know just how to do it you know and so I took it off the shelf and I follow directions

I got done with prayer and and and some of the suggestions that I was given and then I sat meditation

and when I came out of meditation I remember calling my sponsor we had a talk that was given some instructions out of a book for six this is what happened to

I remember I can I can I would I I went out for the one I came home and I I I sat there and it was it was as if

I try to explain this it was as if I was brand new an awful close and honest and I was scared to death

I felt as if I had absolutely nothing and I had no idea what was going on

what I have found that is when I can explain something you'd usually got by know that there

I remember turning to my students to my god with my seven step prayer scared to death because I mean I do not have a drink but I just didn't know where I was going for the first time so very uncomfortable experience and I said my seven step program

and I remember talking to my god

to save me from me that's what came out of this save me from me

the very next day

I remember there was a couple of things that happen personal things that happened to me

and I couldn't do what I wanted to like I used to

no matter how much I try

there was something that moved me from my old bee cave it into this new place and I have no idea what's going on I was scared to death and I call my sponsor nieces it sounds like you're getting free to me you've been made new again

no matter how much I try to rely on old ideas they didn't work I couldn't take that action anymore and I had to be still our most difficult things for me and I know probably a lot of us used to be still and just be

and that's what I have to do this Sunday afternoon and I'm waiting for the shoe to drop any minute

at the end of the day I was so grateful that I just was able to be because everything worked out perfect

and I kept thinking notify would've fought my way through this and put my hands on the wheel it would have turned out this way and I would had more troubles of my own making saying now what do I do

what I've learned over the last few months here is sometimes I just

what my god

some of the things I learned about me that I had to let go of the talk about some of the things we cling to what was I. clinging to

well for me you know I said earlier and I always thought was me being tougher was fueled by fear I remember spending many many days in isolation shades down phone off the hook TV on no sound in the dock free to move

free to move what was that about was I willing to let go of that certainly how do we do that

there are many things that showed up in my in in in what these defects of character that I had to be free of

I was I don't believe anything anyone for this but the way to kind of do what life used to deal with life on life's terms it has become my phone got stamps for me now but do we I was able to live life on life's terms get you before you get me in judge everybody

and I would hold people up to the highest levels of perfection they have to fall short and when you did I was angry with you

I would hold me up hi then I would hold these people up and I was doomed to fail all the time

and I would come down on myself this judge would scream at me I told you no good and it was a little part of me says he's right you warrant

attachments to things like this were killing me

you know I fully filled with anything someone did and then I remembered something I read that before I take to be at this speck out of your rights let me first take the beam out online

I remember reading this and I was knocked off my choices I think they wrote that one for me

judgment of others judgment of myself this other thing I've encountered I I just the worst critic of myself the judge would balk at me then we tell you standing here tonight the judge doesn't have too much juice anymore

because I've been set free data time here he talks I don't listen I told thanks for showing it all my life

I turned to his loving and caring god this discount of safety

of refuge here it goes again move me out of this in a move out of

but I had this terrible terrible dilemma of self forgiveness

you know I would continue and then we give you what was needed on the border

I would drive me right to help

because I did something wrong because I didn't say hello to you yesterday can you show me today and I know you don't like me and I'm an idiot for forgetting to say hello to you and let's just you know thrown out because the whole

this is a terrible way to live global talks about bondage of self this was it for me

I know I'm skipping over you're leaving out a whole lot of stuff in because we just don't have enough time but there was so much revealed to me and when I when I hit my knees just last time taken to seven separate racial up with father please I got nothing take me from the save me you have to

save me from me

and I was

exactly

isn't that great based on my track record where I have been and how many times when I was out there I cursed god for doing these terrible things to me to my family to my mom I show up here fourteen years later in awkward synonymous he sees me again when I found out he's been saving since I walked in here trying to save my entire life

the book shows a great realities deep down within its been there before the first beat of my heart will be there long after I'm gone for

this is great news to me who suffers from alcoholism

but I found that being easier if you use it as much as it is about the drink it's about some other things too that I need to stay away from that first drink

because I think I'm sure guess which walking back to me the first drink

and it happens suddenly shows up my illnesses knocking knocking going to listen tomorrow morning about ten I'll be here

suddenly the thought crossed my mind you know and I wonder how this happened I've seen it happen over and over and over again collections

stepping

one of the things about step pages I am not on that list

you know I I gots on that list one of the things on this but I am not on that list unified done my work up until this point I I will be the place of willingness for most of these Americans

showing up with the seven step was almost if you will my first step for life

once again and so I was moved into this immense place

what's that mean I have to acquire issued a ruling this they have or not if I didn't have to ask until it came and I look at this list and I became willing to hit everyone on that list and willing to go wherever I had to go to make amends what was acquiring a spirit a willingness now a book talks about

any links like three times over from how it works you to step nine so we come out of step seven with the amen this is now we need more action it doesn't tell us to try to kind of kick back to rest on your laurels the council giving us information like now next vigorous more action

this is faith without works is dead

I need to take action to continue to grow along spiritual ones

it does remember the beginning of it was agreed we would go to anyone specific job offer once again hitting me with anyone's support don't always cute the reminding me to continue to move and I I have to become real to everyone on that list and instead of nine there was some really neat things that happen to me my first time through in this last night so

hi I'm going through my list are willing to make amends to almost everyone on that list it is upon a big book that talks about how to approach the man we hated will arise

once again I had identification my book in the writing something from me

before I got sober I was living in this little studio apartment that I got thrown out of and I got thrown out of there because I had basically trash the place had brought like the Lower East Side into this place it was certainly a livable little studio

and when I got thrown out of their often not paying rent for too long of a time I was living in one might say hell

R. restricted blackberry brandy hi brandy bottles all over the place I got addicted to some of the things or what was left and I was all over the place

I have sold everything in the place the phone to to out of the wall the TV I had dressed clothes that my father would buy me from the store and it would still be in boxes and I sold them dress shoes everything on touch to sell to get an extra my bed was soiled because I wasn't making it to the bathroom at night it was garbage all over the place filled the laundry this is how I was living and when I got thrown out of this place I hated the level of status I hated what he had done to me especially throwing me off because I had to go live on the streets and I I don't get to sleep shows I have a lot of bad feelings for this guy but this guy had this home he had a little one with his wife and one was on the way and he was going to school besides working a full time job

and I show up and I hated everything he and his family represented but there was a part of me that wanted to be like that to have the family to come home from work and have my wife there in the in the home not just a structure called a house a home

and I got thrown out and I had to go live on the streets for a while well here I am with this guy's name on this list