Chris R. from Ingram, TX telling his story at the Carry This MessageGroup's Day of Sharing

this is a workshop on step one at this time I'd like to take a turn the meeting over to Chris our firm right make that work yeah from Texas

can you hear me alright

I don't know why we do this you're not going to another in a microphone in that ten seconds anyway

but as Chris Rama recovered alcoholic

how cool it is to be here to get to see you guys at I know a lot of me in this room and somebody I haven't met yet but I'm sure I will and does it bother the stated this hour I will get a chance to meet possibly and you don't have to worry about going to the sanctuary after I finish talking to both these people leave anyway so

I think it's pretty funny outfits that we are the alcoholics and addicts you know we have a tendency to come in these rooms and and you know what I like about working up right in a treatment center hospital in in Texas and you know as well as long as I'm agreeing with what the patient saying that they think could favor that that Chris Reimer he he's the only person it really understand you know

the accountable you know it's like but you're acting like an idiot you need to stop doing what you're doing you don't it all of a sudden it's like losing thinking is telling me what to do you know what well not validate your B. S. we're we're in good shape and then the minute I start saying something that differs from your experience then we buddies anymore in exams we're out here Smokin cigarette Christian the bath and I get up here talk about you piss and moan in meetings and then ended up then yeah and so that when I go smoke together anymore you know that

yeah what about yourself you can't talk to me that way you know so I don't think that's a wonderful workshop about first step stuff could it this is a kind of a little thing to have it all they believe did it saved my life I I like like never earlier I'm I'm a chronic relapse only that it took him a year in and out it took me seven years in and out today did you get this and and and and some of the stuff on or talk about this it sounds a little controversy you know but but I gotta tell you folks

one because I didn't want to say I'm in about seven years because in the area that I got sobered up and we didn't talk about the big book and we didn't talk about god we will do this within the height of the treatment center industry in the eighties and we were talking a lot about inner child and mommy and Daddy and we were talking about everything under the sun except how to get well how to recover from alcoholism so folks if my experience I'm gonna talk tonight at four o'clock and we get to do a little talk it'd be in it you can hear more my story but I gotta say it is bless your heart if get my free experience doesn't coincide with your experience you can't relate well I'm talking about don't take it personal because I'm gonna tell you something there's a I travel about forty weekends out of the year and it is not because I'm particularly whimsical or Arafat you know but if it is a lot of people out there that want to hear what I'm talking about the bombings of the minute I know that there are some people that are identifying with my experience I nearly died twice I nearly died getting through Alcoholics Anonymous thanks to alcohol and drugs I'm a taste of the vote once I got to ask a in nineteen eighty I almost died again because nobody had the courage to tell me what it was to be an alcoholic your weather it's like we're live with deadly virus like if I work on commission in here you know it's like you know I'd like to know if you have an alcoholic the

let me back up and

a lot of weight

I'm trying not to pass today to that is going to be interesting experiment here

I'll probably fail miserably at that one but I I I

here's what's so weird about about this business is like

when you talk to somebody about what it is to be an alcoholic it's not that it's during the process of this our tirade we're gonna talk about this it's not that you might find out that you are an alcoholic it's that I'm asking you guys to come in here with a clean mind and and accept the proposition that maybe you're not an alcoholic

this is C. I said Ramaphosa for years and nobody would ask me some specific questions because they were too busy worried about whether not they were going to step on my sense of the little things and I think the cat was here and so they assumed I was going to stay here but I would rather stay here because there was always this fall the back of my mind you know my case is just a little bit different you come in and you share your crappy the war stories with me and I couldn't real life because I had done some of the stuff you've been doing you follow me it's such a well I've used I thought I was an alcoholic but I've never had a W. so maybe I'm not an alcoholic you know I thought I was an alcoholic but I never got beat up in a bar fight before your bottom all right that makes we happened to me I need to tell you what

but I could at the time I couldn't relate so I mean I I spent a lot of years out there in and out that I didn't need nobody ever in the group dice please in the group that I went to the groups that I went to nobody ever slow down long enough this is Chris let's find out once and for all if you even need to be here you see guys alcoholism is it is it is fatal one and it's progressive and you either got it or you don't you can't be a little bit alcoholic

no because you know here's the difference is the first controversial thing outside of the podium at

well maybe not the first

is that is the part

if there's a difference between alcohol abuse

and alcoholism

okay now that we have a lot of hard drinkers I'll tell you right now we love hard drinkers in A. A. today and they they can't relate to alcoholism but because their alcohol abusers and they were given sufficient reason to stop they stop now there's been in meetings there talking trash there there'd there'd be all the little one liners you know they they sound like alcoholics they look like alcoholic you will

but they they're not alcoholic their lives doesn't depend on carrying the message to a newcomer their lives doesn't depend on working the twelve steps you with me but they're in meetings and they're calling themselves an alcoholic and what they we read earlier there's only one requirement for membership in Alcoholics Anonymous and that's a desire to stay sober well I desire to stay sober that's great

but if you're not an alcoholic

he will be real careful what you're sharing in a meeting with me

it diverts what's in this book you mean what smoke a cigarette and chat

this is what you guys get cranking it is worth it hello my special duty Sir today you'll see it on the daily chart I got a buddy and I got a buddy and he's going to be anything that and he sent me the shirts and I'm and I will come back with a lecture and do that kind of stuff because I believe that this is the place that we need to go talk about a lot of stuff that we're talking about after now fox non

because I believe in a meeting a meeting ought to be a pep rally we ought to be talking about our god we ought to be talking about twelve steps and other than that we we're we're gonna we're gonna parkway I think some of them are talk about four o'clock tonight you know some of you they're not gonna be here for clock and I'm gonna go I'm gonna go ahead did you off now that's okay yeah but I need to tell it now because I might not get another shot at you later I believe that

okay your motives I believe alcoholics anonymous with exactly what they said was a gifted to us and and it's difficult for me not get quite emotional about it because because about the time that the that bill Wilson was died in nineteen seventy one I was picking up my first drink if it hadn't been for some people strongly standing in the trenches explaining to us what this program was about I wouldn't be here today I gotta tell you guys I got a terrific life today I have a wonderful life today as a direct result of following the tenets of these books your father was in the twelve steps of Alcoholics Anonymous and if you can stay sober hanging around the previous

you're welcome but I'm not submit something to you I spent years in and out why could not stay sober because my time in Alcoholics Anonymous

when I was working the steps what's more painful in my time out there drinking

they are separate from a thing called a spiritual malady and the depression it is involved in a spirituality is you can cut it with a knife is very a lot of y'all understand that and I started going to doctors early on I was barely twenty when I started seeing a doctor and and receiving my first prescriptions for anti depressants I mean a guy like man I was thirty five when I find it so that's fifteen years and I was taken medication to treat a symptom they could be alleviated like that by the power got

the cool thing

so that's what we're gonna talk about I've I've brought to issue members of your present you got the one real issue ma'am buttons in that

so let's get let's get started on this

there's a small percentage of us in this world I'm watching the clock I've got to promote our name will go smoke big figure

I was a nervous Mogherini riding it can

alcoholism and drug addiction what nobody bothered to tell me for years in and out of fellowship was that it was it was genetic see we kept wanting to spend time in therapy talking about what was it in my life to cause me so much discomfort but I had to drink over here with me now I got a taste of some stuff in my life to cause me some great discomfort and I drank over that yup you're with me on that with that people sometimes misunderstand what I'm saying my past doesn't matter I'm saying it but course it matters but alcoholism being the genetic disease it is I would have had whether I've been raised in a rich family or a poor family don't make sense and this is what we can only get on the same page some of you guys in this room you get cranky about this mess is not caring to you today because you've been carrying you behold also tied to this

issue that you continue to think is calling you to drink and drugs and that's what the book tries to explain bill Wilson in the first hundred pages describe the twelve steps of Alcoholics Anonymous in the first sixty pages he talked about this right here first step he's been in in that in that in the next forty pages he described the next eleven steps bill wasn't really wants us to understand what this is about are you an alcoholic or not in the back of the book page I think it's one fifty five one fifty well Hey I'll just read it

thanks for the call whether to and I'm sure that there are my

talking about back about the Wilsons pocketing he's talking about is but doctor Bob when he was twelve seventy I said Dr Bobby said he had a desperate desire to stop it's on the web No Way Out read earnestly tried many avenues of escape painfully aware of being somehow abnormal

no dia okay

the man did not fully realize what it meant to be alcoholic and see that's the problem that we have in this room right now we got some people in this room right now they're calling themselves alcoholic but if you stop on in and get him away from everybody and anybody you can call yourself an alcoholic would you mind telling me what that means to be an alcoholic

you're going to get some uncomfortable silences

what I drink too much no it's got nothing to do with the quantity during

if you can't know in your heart what it is

one you won't stay in these rooms because the steps will push it out working ever so uncomfortable you won't do it and to you won't be able to translate the message to the newcomer who desperately needs to hear what's wrong with it see I spent years in therapy fifteen years in and out of therapy couches on having them tell me why I drank and drugged blame everybody under the sun why drinking drugs and I'm gonna take some folks at absolute garbage absolute garbage

absolute garbage

it's genetic folk would not medically for years

genetically there's a small percentage of us in this country they're wired like that about fifteen percent are wired like meat but eighty five percent of people hard drinkers moderate drinkers they can take it or leave it alone go with me but a small percentage of us

it's like being allergic to a food perhaps we can be ready to put in here please what would you like to get

sugar get out what happens when you eat sugar

you must be absolutely

because

I think that

but it's a but it's it but it's the truth read Dr Atkins book the the the you know the protein there he talked about car addiction to carbohydrates an allergic reaction carbohydrates some of us can open a bag of potato chips a couple pages and some of its open a bag of potato chips and it stays open

we have you all set there and they always are you gonna really can open at night yeah okay

go ahead no but it but it's going to be gone before we go to bed because we're gonna sit there eat that crap that's it our bodies react differently to carbohydrate somebody would react differently to see food you know you shopping for you we all have these reactions but nobody wants to sit there asking somebody that's allergic to shrimp we want to jam on afterwards as he but if you have a tough time with your mother is that what you can't eat shrimp

we love we love we love it but you know I mean I had an account with one you mess with people

I had to do it listen I had to do a whole life story one time about how I was potty trained

to try to figure out why wasn't I was drinking not that I'm not knocking therapy I learned a lot of great stuff about myself but we're trying to treat something that can only be treated internally by looking at stuff it's external you're with us this is what is this for years what we try to do some other popular over the time I've got with me about what the book called is what he does clearly describes his alcoholism

first thing I want to review those it is not my new favorite paid already last summer when we were up here and I and I and I got some pay thirty forty got to little book

what a person can stop

what about the whole paragraph for those who aren't willing to drink moderately

are willing and able to trick motley the question is how to stop altogether we're assuming of course that the reader desires to stop stop right there now that's an assumption in it I mean how do you guys know that the people that you're dealing with guys if your sponsor and perhaps the biggest black don't think they're really one of us and don't want to stop so I'm again we're not out here soliciting business cat comes in he's looking for some help here's the deal whether such a person can quit upon a non spiritual basis depends upon the extent to which he has already lost the power to choose whether he's going to drink or not

got it

top paragraph tough sentence

six can you stop on a non spiritual basis spoke that's what the book is asking on page thirty four

analysts say this number move on past it

if a book questioning whether I can get sober on a non spiritual basis because I didn't misread that boat it says once the cyclic changes taking place in in Chris Reimer he can go out there and kick **** pet names and have the power to absolutely stay away from alcohol and drugs and by the way have the power to deal with all these other problems

and it doesn't say anything in there once he worked through every stupid little

no I just

how many how many of us in this room have have spit out I mean there's not one of those in here that have gone on a meeting and done everybody that I've done it everybody deserves any I'm just I'm just sitting there you know I just need to talk about it

and we're gonna keep continue to do that people are gonna get it but they but but I never could get sober because I thought that's what meetings work I believe just like somebody other people upset I believe that I am with one big self help program and I'm having a crappy day you're gonna have to have a better day and that means that I'm not gonna have to drink which you know guys here's the deal we laugh about it every time I get a chance to talk how many guys drank and drugged when everything was going absolutely great in your life

how many times that when everything was going absolutely crappy in your life now what are we going to do about this guy same hands were up we all drink and drug acts like you did you record it was rainy outside

we're in trouble today aren't we I mean I don't know what

rainy and cold we'd like when it was sunny and we drank when I had a great groping with Greg Greg we would you know what I think the second sister you know they don't like

and it was well I don't know what to say about that I don't know what to say but you know what you don't like you don't have because you because it doesn't make any difference and we talk about it endlessly we wanna talk about this idea we do any treatment centers for ever we foster this idea absolutely ridiculous idea it would make your life okay and working through all the little crappy problems that you can come out the other side never have to drink again and that is that I'm telling you something folks that is absolutely disrespectful to do an alcoholic and addict if you're a hard drinker you're gonna be lifted up by that I guarantee you all I was I was in a bad relationship and now we were doing some good therapy and I'm out of that relationship but I don't have to break anymore hello Lydia good for you have a nice life away

the card I've met a lot of time organizing my life trying to arrange this over years of use over this over here so I can get over this over here again and you know G. movement go here go there go in and change go to school and get to and change

for eighteen years I drank and drugged for eighteen years I could not stop I tell you folks I talk a lot of different fellowships and stuff I say drink and drug I know where I'm at I'm adamant out faults not unless my nemesis was beer

not okay not not beer I could not stop drinking beer date but I've tried everything under the sun cooking was my big experiment you know also what part about something you don't want to drink anymore and I didn't know it was a bad move on my part I don't

is going through a little bit more in a minute

but I got it you got combinations of stuff that you can do without the pills now we get the alcohol alcohol and the pills and then and then I

this is what an alcoholic looks like bugs and some of you guys are going to really be able to relate to this and I'm gonna tell you right now before I get started some of you guys in this room when I do this election if you're going to say

I

I don't I don't relate to what he's saying

I've done a great service

all I'm asking to do is look at your truth

based on your experience

there's nothing tougher

for me to do the the set in that in that the fellowship and save my life

and what some of you suffered so greatly in the fellowship and why you suffered

maybe you're in the wrong room

maybe you don't need to be here

what does one so this one was so true we need so many of you in the trenches with us in this spiritual program of action helping other alcoholics get well

and if you can't relate you can't help anybody get well

make sense because you're gonna be talking about something that you know nothing about

state there's a difference between knowledge and experience that's all I'm trying to get you guys to see this morning what is your experience around this thing we call alcohol

what is your experience reference screw your war stories

we got one right place for war stories that from the podium and in a twelve step call and we're doing neither here your followers your war stories are some of your war stories are your are your worst your worst enemies the noose around your neck I hear people and they all the time I was like well that's all we have is our war story that is in effect a lot got shame on me

yeah I've got a war a war story I don't exactly what lead me up to here you know the miracle happened fifteen years ago when I took my last drink and I had some people that showed me how to get connected to god I got fifteen years of sobriety that I would like to share with the newcomer the good stuff get my credit back then the relationship that I want to be in a nice house being able to support there's some great stuff happen after guys in this thing called life that I wanted to avoid so terribly for eighteen nineteen years of drinking and drugs your father with war stories a piece of paper seventeen this is a common problem is one element in the submitted by this but that can't hold us together we're now doing guys why am I so brings with it I emailed dozens of you all in this room we stay connected I've known you for years why we stay connected because I ate out of dumpsters in Houston Texas

no we stay connected because your life is on fire and it's fascinating to watch we we we help each other stay on the path that's all I'm trying to get you guys to do what's the truth based on your experience yeah have a lot of people in in the industry that I work in the treatment center industry we have a lot of people out there talking about stuff that they got no experience with their non alcoholic and addict they got a lot of education but they're not one of us you follow me and they're going to start to tell me what it's like to be an alcoholic excuse me you know I think we probably have a lot less problem in our fellowship today if we had people that were just talk about what they know about you know you know what what do you think you know about you see we got way too many people and I added a hearing their opinions and not near enough people share in their truth there's a different

black with patio that we're still talking about a minute from the podium you know what the eighties I actually subscribe to almost afraid to tell you this absolutely I I subscribe to cosmopolitan

I couldn't buy it off the block of the magazine rack because I mean I mean I'd rather buy it the bodies magazine out there you know at least look like I know but I'm subscribing to cosmopolitan because I wanna know what what what's this one thing you know what we're going to eighty isn't gonna be a sensitive kind of guy you know if you learn more about women than maybe

what do you think you think okay so

I needed well misery that experiment too you know but I mean

but I mean just because I know a lot about women it doesn't mean that I know what it is to be a woman you'll get that with that and he's like ladies you think you know about guys you'll never know what it is because you had no experience being a guy in that right I heard the guy that you know just I feel talk about that W. black man it's been it's been discriminated against on a lot welcome view your payment why does it if you feel she

we don't know what that man has gone through because you've never been there with me that that's exactly what we're talking about here some of you in this room you've been given such a tremendous gift is it a death sentence yes but it's such a gift because because you know and understand this you can relay this message to the newcomer and help them get connected thank god for that but if you if you don't understand if you can't share with anybody I hope you got that one thank

what is to be an alcoholic

through a six

there's very little area we're going to talk about well it's been awhile on any one of them because it's just not all that complicated it's not rocket science yeah body mind and spirit is what the book talks about is is described as alcoholism it also the same as drug addiction then in the in the sense of the word

what it is about you you're here can relate we do I do family lectures with families and members of of alcoholics and addicts and they came in and some of the people in the room can relate to some of the people can't relate so but here here's if you've got the symptoms I think you can relate you can understand what I'm talking about physical allergy first piece you'll get your money

this paper my plane fare

physical allergy

when I put out called the doctor's opinion the found the book it talks about it when I put alcohol in my body something happens different in me that happens in ordinary people the way this you put alcohol in your body something happens different out family members say they drive them crazy because they believe that alcohol in you it should be the same without calling me and they don't understand it is a physical thing that separates me from other people say I could eat shellfish some of you in here can't eat shellfish that doesn't mean that we're we're we're in any other way it just means that genetically I can't tolerate the shellfish makes sense same stuff right here physical allergies when I put alcohol or drugs in my body what takes place what happened

I begin to lose control once I put in my body yeah I got it what the little put another way did you ever drink more than you intended

yeah and and you get the young guy because no I said to get absolutely squashed I'm not buying that because I like dead men and some of the others in here I was a functioning alcoholic photos a professional chef for years at the height of my career I couldn't do that every time I drank I drank everything in Texas yeah with me but there were times that I set out and I was just gonna drink a couple of great right and ended up drinkin

six three

sixteen during your following some like the phenomena of craving we're satisfied with a couple of drinks I'd like to and went home and some nights the phenomena craving wasn't satisfied at all and I drank around the clock yeah with this there's nothing weird going on in my life that was causing me to drink that day it was all boil down to the phenomena called craving normal people don't crave alcohol

the weather

one woman here any family member here by chance this would be a hoot if we had one we could just torture that poor fool

yes it was a normal person no one watched him drink and a drink a couple of drinks and any state are you ready for another drink and I don't know no thank you

I'm starting to feel it

and and because they're starting to feel that they don't like the way it makes them feel and so like what they stop using it what happened with us we started like a couple of drinks we start to feel it one of the other line say

you're talking about people that are they don't understand it but I think we're how many of the other one got sick you know they're going in for your dad something came back what what back to the table and yeah we have another drink this

we'll have all that right but the ministry be chicken you know whether the ticket

what happened what happened three years

here

there's a low target here's what happens when we first start drinking when I started drinking I'm a two bedrooms story is the same as mine is regardless

any of us in here we don't like we started drinking and stuff started affecting the way we felt and I'll tell you every time I drank it did something pretty magical for me it made me feel better and I'm hitting this target a guide you can hit this target but for about a million times what happens at one time if you ended up drinking a little bit too much and if you missed the target all together with your followers he died this is the happy happy place right here in that center that target we call that Mr happy place and I

this right here is Mr not so damn happy place right out here you know one thing and sometimes we drink it and hit this thing again for the next album I'm never going to get that squashed again make a fool of myself throw up to that party and I got a DWI I'm not ever gonna do that again and so for the next forty fifty sixty eighty hundred thousand times you hit this target again whether

and then they come that one day if you said that the couple will

this is

this is never seen Mr happy spot over here

this is out of the car you're under arrest you know

waking up someplace without have to close on this is not a happy thing today you know that

this is not

this again is that you don't talk to anybody about what happened okay

your understand that

news flash this doesn't happen to normal drinkers ever ever it doesn't have a job US there's a genetic reason the physical reason we don't have time to go into but our bodies don't metabolize the alcohol like other people and the phenomenal craving kicks in and we can't control looks at certain times you guys you've got to get past this one piece will move on there are times that I can't control it at least it appears that I'm controlling controlling it I am not getting drunk every time I drink I'm not making an **** of myself every time I'm not ended up over here every time I drink the question is the book as you did it ever happen

well yeah book book book

you got the least you have a physical piece of physical allergies and that'd make you an alcoholic that just means that you're wired we're being

no

the second page this is the place that I'm famous for right here and that this will make somebody uncomfortable enough how does one in the door this these page twenty and twenty one it starts talking about it now and then it goes on over the next two to three pages on twenty three says the main problem is is if all we had to contend with with the physical allergy they just don't drink and it's like thank you Nancy Reagan for sharing your with them with that

distilled drink discovery I mean if you know but sometimes you drink a lot and you're over Mr happy spot and now you're we're over here in in in federal land you know then just don't drink

well

I don't seem to be able to not do it sometime

that's the second piece by that's what the book says the main problem centers around mine rather than our bodies V. listen guys detox in a hospital that I work with we do a great job you can't be talked up the pills of the alcohol cocaine whatever you're detoxing off of we can get that out of your body and now there's nothing physically to trigger the **** you know if you'll bring the park with you'll never end up over here that right much is true

not my problem is I don't I can't seem to stay away from the first one anybody can you know what I'm saying did anybody try to clear this up in my head why it always is the I know this all intellectual basis Chris if you just don't break you won't get dropped

thanks zero

I you know I don't even have Devin Devin that indicated by you but I understand that you have to be a rocket scientist to figure this out why can't I leave the person alone why is that I get caught in the middle white spots and a week after I made a commitment with tears in my eyes in front of a Y. could I don't want to scare lose anymore and I'm gonna say buddy I'm not ever gonna do this again why is it that I did it again

we got people in a day killing people standing up on the podium set up this morning and chose not to drink

now

did you now says point blank on page twenty four that we have lost the ability to choose whether we're going to do this or not if you can choose and make it stick

when you're not one of us

you're a heartbreaker heartbreaker welcome

have a nice life but you're not an alcoholic

the colder and hurled seven innings

here choice the choice you want to tell me you're choosing this is where prisoners killers because all we wanted to go to treatment to talk about all the reasons that we've reached what we're drinking is that right coming up in the treatment of it your separate account already

I

well I remember this I mean we all read about him yeah well what about me

we could not put on the mushroom and will issue ma'am

this man is a requirement for the really got back and I saw a couple weeks ago and we got four hundred people that like that they're all were little issue man but you know it is pretty good little Iceland issue man this is the coolest

here's why we drink and drug is what everybody wants to talk about Chris your drink and drug because of all this external stuff and that's what we talk about endlessly that's what drives me crazy when you come in the meetings instead of going to Denny's we're supposed to talk about that crap and waste my time in recovery talking about everything out everything under the sun out here except what we're supposed to be talking about which is what's going on and that makes sense I forgot to get straight if you're drinking because of something external then you're not one of the only reason you're drinking change your circumstances

I think

what

I'm a come back to this let's go to the third piece the spiritual modeling piece in top condition is what the big book says the reason I drink and drugs it describes it the doctor's opinion in several places on page fifty two we talk specifically about it in a tunnel condition is causing me to drink let me tell you what this personality looks like you guys see if you can identify with the book says I would rather hear understand your level

about restless

this content

therefore

the press

boredom

I just leave them up

making his the the good luck of the wave out here you people on that yeah it was it's a night what about what about no sense of direction

several in personal relationships

try to make a living that number with making money a lot of us make good money what we do with that money we have to spend more than we're making living beyond our means credit card debt spiritual modeling is what that's called folk that internal condition is what's killing alcoholics and addicts right and I had I was talking to a friend of mine in the program yesterday we'll talk about a twelve year old daughter who never had a drink and she he's describing the symptoms it's it's alcoholism

it's alcoholism died in seventeen years old somebody gave me a bottle of booze farm apple wine and I drank that bottle of those farms I'm a tell you what the bills far did it get me drunk yes victory for spiritual malady instead late

what happened here you want to think that the alcohol the problem of just leave the debacle of everything to be okay it if you're an alcoholic and you just don't drink you will not get better

you will get worse

my experience is experience of being around the fellowship for twenty years watching you and myself in and out of the fellowship with long periods of dry time

and they believe in

how many people know people that kill themselves in sobriety

what was the problem with what the what what what we do

I hope not the problem I hope never been the problem I've called the solution it instantly turns this internal condition that's why it's not drinking is a real pain for some of us that's what you mean I I do not bring in part but not no snow pot

how many people but I think I'm in a hospital right now ninety people in the hospital right now and a lot of them were sober driver periods of time and came back because the prescription pad

you follow me I'm not taking any alcohol in my body anymore but I'm not getting better either internally and the depression comes back and the boredom and the fear and anxiety and all this and it finally just greatly outweigh the benefits and I get caught in the middle black spot one day driving home from work one of the what it's like that's something you'll have a little dry spell you know when you're driving that rush hour traffic you know it's like you've been doing okay for weeks is no problem and now the sudden stupid radio station please paint crap with always wraps up on here I think that is pushing it irritable you put in the work and someone got your parking place and you immediately

we are grateful that you didn't put the gun in the car today

should somebody you know get your parking places like everything's life and death you know you the voices or start a returning your workers because she'd never been about anything you're no good and you know the low self esteem you with me look at yourself in America would agree

okay you know it's it's internal stuff guys is not an external having weird you're strong willed gotten better because you haven't been drinking for six months but the internal walls going to hell in a handbasket and you just can't drive home that afternoon is just just

going to come unglued you pull into a seven eleven you walking to get a soda water you get open to dealing as a Dr pepper there he shot it and stand there for

yeah

one beer over six months

one stinkin beer

grab a beer

just put it back

got a tomboy

I mean I'm gonna make it what I will make it a big one you know