Spring Break in Scottsdale, AZ
my
name
is
lilo
and
I'm
an
alcoholic
thank
you
sandy
I
just
knew
we
met
in
the
bathroom
I
I
couldn't
remember
the
exact
details
but
I'll
tell
you
what
happened
in
Dallas
three
times
in
the
bathroom
is
the
same
time
that
I
was
in
that
bathroom
I
also
ran
into
another
woman
who
explained
that
the
psychological
nature
of
calling
to
me
that
they're
so
stupid
you
have
to
punch
in
to
knock
him
out
I
didn't
get
it
all
but
right
then
sandy
came
and
she
was
a
boot
maker
and
you
know
I
don't
know
what
happened
along
the
way
if
you're
lucky
enough
and
I
hope
you
are
to
have
the
length
of
time
and
and
enjoyment
and
gross
and
good
and
bad
times
and
surprise
said
Marty
and
I
have
had
for
the
last
thirty
plus
years
I
wish
is
that
as
I
do
everybody
in
the
room
and
that's
what
it's
about
and
you're
gonna
be
to
all
kinds
of
people
but
every
now
and
then
somebody
just
gonna
stand
out
and
you're
not
even
going
to
know
why
and
so
we
left
Dallas
Texas
talking
about
sending
the
bootmaker
and
then
I
don't
know
what
happened
but
a
couple
of
years
later
we
talk
to
send
it
to
make
on
the
phone
and
then
send
the
bookmaker
moved
to
Phoenix
and
send
it
to
boot
makers
and
you
know
and
suddenly
she's
like
a
member
of
our
family
and
Jane
and
I
yeah
send
me
you
know
you
know
we
run
into
radiance
and
is
going
maker
and
actually
your
speaker
this
evening
was
supposed
to
supposed
to
be
Chris
Christine
H.
and
she
is
not
today
well
enough
to
be
here
and
I
never
feeling
for
anybody
one
of
my
going
to
this
hallmark
moment
with
Chris
she
wouldn't
even
appreciate
it
we're
good
friends
I
mean
over
a
kid
and
you
know
you
know
I
get
her
name
we
give
because
my
real
nobody
called
really
what
happens
but
anyway
they
Tony
called
and
I
got
the
message
you
left
a
very
nice
message
on
on
the
machine
about
speaking
in
Phoenix
Arizona
and
I
said
oh
god
you
know
just
kind
of
do
that
you
know
ray
had
assured
them
that
I
wasn't
going
to
be
able
to
do
it
and
he
was
rice
really
and
and
then
I
called
back
to
me
to
tell
him
well
just
can't
do
it
I
mean
how
many
conventions
can
even
being
do
and
blah
blah
blah
and
as
much
as
this
was
one
of
my
favorite
years
ago
sorry
I
just
you
know
I'm
like
spending
extra
time
on
how
I'm
going
to
say
no
because
I
really
like
Phoenix
and
I
like
being
here
when
when
rich
she
with
the
little
bow
tie
was
a
co
chair
and
and
ray
and
seeing
a
number
of
people
that
I've
had
the
opportunity
to
run
into
it
it's
just
been
a
pleasure
and
and
it
was
hard
for
me
and
then
this
woman
who
answers
the
phone
and
because
they
were
moving
pilings
or
something
I
don't
know
and
and
she
said
by
the
way
you
know
that
I
live
with
someone
you
all
right
now
welcome
to
that
see
sandy
the
bookmaker
J.
with
sandy
the
bank
or
and
James
said
well
I
guess
we're
going
to
Phoenix
no
but
there
is
a
god
and
and
and
there
must
be
great
humor
in
that
other
world
of
grace
reality
and
creative
intelligence
and
everything
that
they
talk
about
in
the
book
because
you
know
she
just
got
me
back
for
trapping
her
in
the
bathroom
there
in
Dallas
all
those
years
ago
I'm
delighted
to
be
here
I'm
having
a
great
time
you
know
I
don't
care
how
long
you're
sober
life
always
present
she
would
you
know
just
little
moment
or
you
get
tired
or
you
work
too
hard
and
nothing's
happened
to
bother
you
and
you
know
that
the
great
benefit
of
sobriety
and
having
some
knowledge
of
how
the
program
works
after
a
while
and
working
the
steps
and
just
hanging
out
with
the
turtle
had
I
mean
you
know
the
amount
of
confidence
that
it
takes
to
wear
that
have
yeah
I
mean
I
really
saw
over
three
and
a
half
months
longer
than
she
is
but
I
would
not
swear
that
I
don't
even
want
to
know
what
that
answer
one
I
lost
my
train
of
thought
I
think
I'm
all
that
you
have
this
is
the
this
is
the
turtle
half
there's
a
trial
pass
and
a
real
fish
it
sticks
out
both
in
so
we
go
to
conventions
I
just
just
look
for
the
lady
and
I
have
to
don't
to
worry
bout
what
I
look
like
are
you
looks
like
she'll
be
there
they'll
be
a
hatch
you
will
not
miss
out
on
that
anyway
so
no
matter
what
happens
you'll
have
all
these
little
challenges
in
your
life
and
what
surprised
me
and
and
the
staff
to
meet
a
lot
of
writing
serenity
so
let's
not
equate
sobriety
insanity
right
away
they
do
not
equate
now
sobriety
garden
serenity
that
equates
so
you
know
the
more
practice
and
effort
you
put
into
your
own
program
after
about
ten
or
fifteen
or
twenty
years
over
when
you
have
to
you
know
than
the
others
is
brought
highway
and
and
you
know
and
all
that
happens
on
the
broad
highways
that
you
find
out
that
this
little
rest
stops
that
you
never
saw
for
maybe
five
ten
fifteen
for
my
case
eighteen
years
of
my
sobriety
never
saw
the
rest
stop
you
know
you
go
in
pause
and
maybe
have
a
little
moment
was
gonna
you
know
but
visually
find
that
there's
little
rest
stops
and
and
and
this
weekend
has
been
one
of
those
for
me
I
mean
it's
just
been
a
pleasant
time
for
me
to
be
here
Jane
and
I
have
had
an
opportunity
not
an
to
spend
some
time
with
some
good
friends
that
you
would
think
that
you
spend
time
with
when
they
live
in
your
own
neighborhood
area
city
town
but
you
don't
life
is
so
busy
we
don't
fall
so
it's
just
been
a
pleasure
for
that
and
then
to
see
people
that
I
haven't
seen
and
and
then
to
relax
but
I
have
to
tell
you
it
was
fun
tonight
at
that
time
okay
sandy
I
don't
know
if
you
know
another
break
or
anybody
in
every
respect
it
was
a
boot
maker
now
she's
no
longer
was
probably
still
is
but
she
doesn't
practice
the
full
professional
boot
making
at
the
moment
she
is
however
professional
auctioneer
we
were
set
up
with
that
table
to
buy
sell
tickets
I
mean
we
were
pulling
money
out
of
our
wallets
and
rolling
it
out
the
woman
anymore
you
have
to
go
so
you
can
add
up
to
the
lot
of
my
friends
really
there's
got
to
be
a
couple
of
years
and
try
to
the
table
and
we
were
not
so
over
there
and
then
reporters
you
wanted
to
start
this
thing
it
was
doctor
went
mad
because
it
wasn't
fair
have
a
so
many
of
the
table
have
a
group
called
just
for
god
sake
you
can't
start
our
ticket
started
and
then
but
I
suppose
is
the
memories
fade
and
all
those
things
go
away
and
you
know
still
got
a
a
bird
house
with
you
know
beautiful
yellow
license
plate
on
it
and
still
is
rom
Sonora
which
is
close
to
superior
I
think
in
in
in
Phoenix
so
that's
really
meaningful
and
she
got
it
past
you
now
on
her
new
place
that
you
could
put
that
you
know
I
still
wasn't
sure
we
pay
for
it
okay
we
paid
a
fortune
for
these
we
don't
even
know
how
much
they
want
I
mean
the
money
was
flying
across
the
table
how
many
more
thirty
ten
twenty
thirty
like
got
it
all
handled
it
was
unbelievable
the
set
up
is
what
it
is
a
seven
ritual
setup
and
still
looking
Sean
I
got
a
little
angel
thing
and
but
the
thing
that
I'm
never
going
to
forget
thank
god
willing
I'm
so
over
a
long
and
another
service
years
thing
possible
in
this
world
that
that
could
happen
you
know
and
can
you
imagine
an
Alcoholics
Anonymous
but
they
would
end
up
having
to
you
know
have
people
that
could
possibly
be
so
over
those
people
sitting
in
this
room
tonight
they
could
see
you
know
sixty
seventy
eighty
years
of
providing
extraordinary
with
young
people
coming
is
awfully
synonymous
that
would
be
celebrating
sixty
seventy
eighty
years
I
hope
Mardian
are
there
to
do
that
but
one
of
the
memories
that
will
never
face
for
me
because
this
has
never
happened
to
me
and
I
can't
imagine
that
would
ever
happen
again
this
is
Marty
one
a
woman
first
of
all
you
know
if
anybody
ever
thinks
it's
over
people
don't
have
palm
you
know
and
then
Lori
what
courage
auction
or
so
I'm
off
to
this
group
of
people
it's
amazing
to
me
and
then
Marty
Windsor
suddenly
we're
thinking
that
probably
won't
be
a
problem
on
the
way
home
tomorrow
but
you
know
I'll
tell
you
not
only
the
maturity
of
age
but
the
maturity
of
sobriety
you
know
Laurie
said
to
her
what
are
you
going
to
do
with
me
and
Marty
said
well
let
me
think
about
work
on
all
those
other
people
jumped
in
and
had
a
lot
of
suggestions
so
I
just
could
not
possibly
that
go
out
on
tape
it
would
just
be
awful
so
I
don't
know
where
you're
sitting
Laurie
but
I've
known
Marty
for
thirty
years
you
are
in
for
a
really
nice
time
don't
let
that
happen
for
your
for
one
second
I
think
it
stays
on
all
the
time
never
too
late
Marty
is
never
too
late
what
the
hell
is
this
going
to
do
with
alcoholics
and
on
you
know
what
everything
to
do
with
alcoholism
because
it's
about
living
it's
about
life
your
through
drinking
if
you're
in
this
room
tonight
and
you
don't
have
a
bottle
in
his
pocket
you're
finished
it
is
over
it
says
rice
at
the
beginning
of
the
literature
and
the
a
a
you
have
recovered
finished
the
nollie
done
if
you
drink
again
you
will
make
that
decision
stone
cold
sober
you
will
not
be
able
to
blame
anybody
for
a
bottle
of
Scotch
will
not
come
flying
out
of
the
sky
get
your
arm
and
go
down
just
not
gonna
happen
you're
supposed
to
be
here
you're
supposed
to
have
fun
you're
supposed
to
laugh
you're
supposed
to
live
and
that's
what
Alcoholics
Anonymous
is
supposed
to
teach
you
to
and
when
it's
all
said
and
done
you
know
and
everybody
has
their
opinion
but
that's
what
it
says
in
the
book
you
know
they
heard
these
guys
as
a
practically
whether
forty
of
the
mattresses
in
a
couple
hundred
do
you
realize
that
the
longest
like
to
surprise
she
was
four
years
and
that
was
Wilson
when
the
book
was
written
you
know
and
then
thirteen
or
so
years
later
when
the
most
surprising
that
could
be
even
seventeen
eighteen
twelve
and
twelve
is
written
well
now
it's
perfectly
logical
to
me
why
that
because
you
know
the
people
because
divinely
inspired
and
so
simple
it
has
to
be
divinely
inspired
you
comfort
throughout
the
whole
issue
of
myself
rock
the
house
in
a
room
and
come
up
with
an
answer
so
we
both
agree
upon
let
alone
forty
to
a
hundred
people
who
manage
to
like
get
this
thing
out
to
you
know
get
this
thing
out
and
it
was
no
surprise
to
me
that
the
twelve
and
twelve
S.
written
those
years
later
because
they
rely
what
are
we
going
to
do
with
all
these
people
now
that
they're
sober
the
world
we're
gonna
do
with
him
there's
over
four
five
six
seven
ten
fifteen
sixteen
and
that
time
seventeen
eighteen
years
oh
my
god
way
beyond
anyone's
imagination
so
we
would
still
be
your
that
off
a
holic
would
be
here
so
bill
Wilson
being
a
man
who
had
to
stay
one
for
the
head
of
his
depression
the
entire
time
you
know
the
entire
time
he
had
to
write
a
book
for
people
like
me
I
wouldn't
be
so
over
today
if
I
did
not
use
eighteen
to
seventeen
your
fifties
whatever
of
my
sobriety
renew
my
relationship
not
only
with
the
big
book
with
a
twelve
year
over
five
years
sober
and
you
don't
have
an
intimate
relationship
with
the
twelve
twelve
you're
missing
something
you
don't
have
to
do
anything
lots
of
people
don't
but
if
you'd
like
more
it's
there
for
you
I
don't
know
what
kind
of
alcoholic
you
are
but
I
know
a
price
I
am
I
want
to
just
and
that's
the
kind
of
silver
personally
I
want
it
all
don't
wait
as
long
as
I
wages
to
take
advantage
of
what
is
so
freely
given
about
how
to
live
life
on
a
spiritual
basis
an
alcoholic
and
on
and
even
if
you
do
and
if
you're
sitting
out
there
with
eighteen
twenty
twenty
five
or
whatever
years
of
sobriety
doing
today
it's
so
big
it's
so
you
or
whatever
happened
to
those
people
when
they
first
joined
Alcoholics
Anonymous
is
beginning
to
stop
drinking
and
then
they
ran
around
because
there
was
no
yes
J.
forget
there
was
like
no
way
I
practically
I
mean
the
meetings
were
hours
you
have
to
drive
to
have
to
be
that
community
that'd
be
that
over
exaggerated
description
of
one
on
one
you
know
people
got
sober
without
the
book
there
was
no
Facebook
the
twelve
and
twelve
was
a
distance
search
tool
coming
memory
you
know
the
the
coming
event
all
they
had
was
one
drunk
talking
to
another
and
they
had
a
huge
religious
implications
of
the
because
it
came
out
of
the
office
FOR
group
you
know
they
would
I
mean
doctor
Bob
would
drag
him
a
secure
since
Romano
needs
with
the
best
if
that
ever
happened
to
me
I
wouldn't
be
sitting
here
I
would
think
oh
god
sake
you
know
just
wouldn't
work
again
it
was
divinely
inspired
in
the
people
killed
people
so
well
you
know
white
male
Christian
book
well
you
know
I
just
think
that
I
could
prove
that
to
you
by
looking
at
it
and
but
now
you
know
what
is
the
huge
booklets
fraud
you
know
the
second
story
in
the
book
is
about
a
woman
she's
dead
right
I
mean
I
have
to
make
sure
I
I
keep
yeah
of
course
you
anyway
she's
gay
he's
never
cannot
yes
the
woman
what
is
this
someone's
women
suffer
too
I
don't
know
if
I
should
be
saying
this
is
what
the
hell
right
you
don't
know
and
you
sure
the
it's
it's
Marty
man
Marty
M.
not
this
morning
the
one
the
pretended
she
didn't
want
a
woman
but
if
you
read
the
story
women
service
you'll
find
out
that
she
went
out
for
breakfast
or
something
because
I
don't
know
I'm
making
the
names
up
like
as
a
contact
number
then
exactly
was
Jones
and
then
she
ended
up
later
on
that
evening
with
route
now
think
about
that
for
one
sec
any
practicing
alcoholic
woman
gay
lesbian
knows
what
that
means
but
the
great
news
is
that
the
sector
was
the
first
story
about
the
woman
the
woman
was
a
gay
woman
the
woman
was
a
lesbian
the
woman
is
right
there
at
the
beginning
of
the
rights
in
Alcoholics
Anonymous
I
mean
the
story
about
the
the
the
the
meeting
that
they
had
you
know
that
this
is
in
the
New
York
City
was
wonderful
may
I
sent
you
probably
all
know
the
stories
don't
you
about
marking
out
everything
it's
wonderful
to
know
the
fact
that
woman
was
there
and
and
then
they
talk
about
creative
intelligence
and
spirit
of
the
universe
great
sure
allergy
and
and
friend
I
mean
the
call
god
friend
in
the
big
book
doesn't
sound
too
you
know
whatever
to
me
because
it
was
too
Christian
I
couldn't
deal
with
it
I
grew
up
in
Ireland
with
the
non
it's
going
to
be
one
talking
on
the
very
careful
now
I
know
she's
here
just
tuned
in
here
just
had
a
conscious
moment
anything
about
nine
god
I
have
to
go
much
but
I
find
this
book
to
be
exactly
how
it
stays
all
inclusive
not
exclusive
and
it's
for
everybody
and
all
kinds
of
people
and
I
lost
my
train
of
sauce
not
good
what's
going
on
here
anyway
and
the
other
thing
that
I
think
it's
interesting
that
you
might
like
to
know
if
you
don't
know
and
I
think
maybe
workshop
in
Dallas
and
all
those
things
but
there
was
a
little
meeting
you
know
and
I'll
call
right
at
the
beginning
when
I
had
just
be
gone
just
be
gone
ahead
just
like
you
know
stuff
they
finally
open
the
meeting
in
New
York
City
and
you
might
notice
no
shock
about
and
they
had
welcome
to
the
smaller
group
of
men
and
their
bill
Wilson
had
gone
back
to
his
place
where
he
can
live
with
Lois
and
guy
come
to
the
door
he's
a
heroin
addict
he's
wearing
red
B.
to
go
he
is
wearing
a
red
booted
down
he's
got
that
will
go
do
you
happen
heroin
addict
transvestite
knocks
on
the
door
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
if
your
call
is
not
a
much
was
a
year
old
it
was
not
even
and
I
don't
know
what
the
hell
to
do
with
this
guy
now
the
real
story
is
I
don't
know
what
the
prince
because
you
know
there's
always
a
real
story
and
I
know
a
guy
that's
over
forty
eight
years
of
new
bill
Wilson
just
told
tell
me
the
real
story
the
real
story
this
is
they
don't
know
what
the
hell
to
do
so
they
find
a
phone
a
call
Wilsonville
we'll
get
down
here
we
have
this
situation
duration
they
should
see
this
room
about
situation
so
they
they
they
call
bill
Wilson
and
they
are
like
they
don't
know
what
to
do
and
the
guy
is
standing
outside
on
the
sidewalk
waiting
for
the
decision
and
the
wheels
and
slide
down
the
street
and
he
sees
the
beat
it
down
and
he
realizes
this
must
be
the
situation
so
we
walked
in
and
he
says
it
says
does
he
have
a
desire
to
stop
drinking
yes
well
that
is
a
member
of
alcoholics
and
and
then
the
guy
went
on
to
say
remain
sober
and
as
we
all
know
was
very
very
effective
in
twelve
step
for
you
know
because
we
don't
hear
a
lot
about
that
but
obviously
where
would
you
go
to
do
the
work
and
where
would
you
find
the
other
people
I'm
sure
you
wouldn't
go
into
like
you
know
dailies
bar
he
would
be
down
there
wherever
I
don't
know
her
when
out
of
drunk
alcoholic
transvestites
go
you
might
know
where
these
places
are
I
have
no
idea
what
I'm
sure
that
there
was
a
big
mess
that
went
out
and
there
were
all
kinds
of
people
just
like
us
and
and
I
sometimes
think
that
it's
an
obligation
of
those
of
us
that
have
been
told
all
stories
that
perhaps
we
should
possum
on
service
you
really
know
falling
through
ordinarily
build
it
is
this
this
many
of
you
J.
lesbian
men
women
whatever
or
in
this
room
to
nice
celebrating
laughing
and
enjoying
yourself
you
you
can
thank
the
guy
in
the
red
dress
that
you
don't
even
know
what
is
the
guy
made
so
I
mean
you
have
no
you
know
the
guy
that
I
was
mentioning
to
you
like
I
kind
of
meeting
with
him
almost
most
Sundays
that
I
count
and
this
is
the
twelve
steps
and
twelve
traditions
and
that's
also
something
called
the
twelve
concepts
which
I
hope
that
you
take
the
time
your
sobriety
to
really
look
us
and
that
is
home
to
talk
about
the
business
of
how
to
find
regarding
hostages
and
the
traditions
of
how
we
live
as
a
group
of
people
common
unitech
and
the
twelve
concept
about
how
the
business
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
and
the
organizations
are
called
an
automatic
function
under
twelve
concepts
and
probably
some
of
the
best
pricing
this
he
may
have
ever
done
you
can
just
if
you
become
G.
S.
R.
sure
general
service
representative
I
didn't
rush
right
out
and
do
that
I
did
it
over
a
long
time
it
was
a
horrific
experience
but
I
you
know
you
can't
say
you
don't
have
experience
now
published
in
on
us
I
don't
believe
we
should
talk
about
it
you
know
so
I
have
to
do
that
so
that
I
could
be
critical
actually
it's
an
extraordinary
thing
somebody's
going
to
do
the
work
and
now
they're
in
the
process
of
revising
you
know
the
fourth
edition
of
the
big
book
and
maybe
in
my
lifetime
it'll
come
out
I
don't
know
take
a
long
time
but
the
changing
some
of
the
stories
but
I
have
a
funny
feeling
that
women
suffer
too
will
still
be
in
there
and
and
different
to
you
know
Marty
man
and
and
the
first
woman
so
there's
lots
of
women
in
the
big
book
they
put
the
first
hundred
men
and
they
are
you
know
the
first
hundred
men
there
was
a
huge
big
issue
about
well
we're
the
women
and
I
don't
know
they
got
women
got
half
a
concession
at
that
time
on
that
I
think
it
says
in
the
book
the
man
but
some
other
literature
says
men
and
women
so
it's
really
interesting
to
history
of
alcoholism
I'm
touched
by
it
when
I
particularly
come
to
like
a
convention
because
you
know
from
forty
guys
two
hundred
hours
two
two
million
books
in
princes
to
the
last
time
I
even
looked
at
the
thing
ninety
four
countries
all
over
the
world
I
mean
you
can't
go
anywhere
now
without
running
into
all
Collison
on
a
pretty
much
all
the
Venice
we're
investment
to
Hong
Kong
we
couldn't
find
a
new
beginning
as
a
whole
big
drama
you
know
I
like
two
days
complaining
about
that
but
so
I
do
not
ninety
four
countries
and
they
have
the
big
because
all
of
these
languages
and
he
is
just
extraordinary
this
organization
that
we
belong
to
so
much
bigger
than
who
we
are
you
know
who
we
are
and
it's
great
you
know
what
I
I
I
like
to
remember
that
so
I
I
like
to
be
read
because
it
humbled
me
it
humbled
me
it
doesn't
make
me
feel
insignificant
because
I
don't
believe
on
insignificant
anymore
but
it
makes
me
feel
equal
size
to
everyone
else
and
that's
really
I
huge
feeling
from
someone
that
spent
most
of
their
mental
time
on
the
bathroom
floor
you
know
that's
why
again
my
spiritual
journey
with
on
the
bathroom
floor
but
that's
not
necessarily
true
statement
perhaps
that's
how
we're
I
began
my
spiritual
journey
in
my
sober
life
it
took
me
to
myself
in
life
but
I
believe
that
my
spiritual
journey
began
before
I
was
even
born
because
I
have
been
protected
by
something
somewhere
somehow
from
the
day
I
was
a
soft
and
I
probably
said
I'll
take
those
people
they
drink
I
like
to
I'd
like
to
be
born
in
Ireland
at
some
point
I'd
like
to
live
over
a
pop
those
are
probably
my
requirements
for
coming
back
I'd
like
to
have
at
least
a
few
years
of
serious
alcoholic
drinking
before
I
have
to
get
over
whoever
makes
these
decisions
and
the
other
universes
spiritual
universe
of
all
time
so
she
can
have
that
put
let's
give
her
the
blessed
virgin
we
are
kind
of
the
mother
is
the
father
for
drunken
six
brothers
and
sisters
because
she's
arrogant
but
now
I
can
see
the
really
can
see
a
bigger
picture
I
mean
now
that
I
have
a
sense
and
it's
taken
all
these
years
that's
why
I
talk
about
my
experience
taking
so
long
it
doesn't
have
to
for
you
but
it's
only
a
really
I
would
say
in
the
last
twelve
or
thirteen
years
that
I
feel
that
god
is
inside
of
me
Rogers
and
outside
of
me
and
and
and
since
the
more
I
make
room
for
this
golf
more
I
willing
to
do
this
magical
thing
in
the
book
the
talks
about
receiving
in
making
room
for
garden
that's
what
it's
all
about
the
more
I
do
that
the
the
the
the
more
I'm
aware
that
this
golf
thing
is
huge
and
has
been
with
me
the
whole
time
and
now
I
can
look
back
and
I
can
see
when
I
was
protected
when
I
was
looking
on
doesn't
mean
that
I
did
not
have
in
my
opinion
some
horrific
events
occur
in
my
life
what
I
survive
I
have
been
protected
I
have
survives
and
I
have
survived
all
of
this
I
have
survived
life
and
death
incest
and
seeing
things
hearing
things
and
observing
things
that
on
no
one
should
hear
see
or
observe
and
I
have
survived
it's
an
extraordinary
thing
to
know
that
I
have
survived
how
do
I
know
well
I'm
here
I'm
in
front
of
the
train
I
am
not
waiting
for
to
run
me
over
I'm
the
conductor
it's
huge
it's
huge
somebody
had
to
be
helping
me
do
that
it
sure
as
hell
wasn't
me
I
was
self
will
run
wires
I
was
protected
all
this
time
I
now
know
that
it
makes
sense
I
can
look
back
and
took
the
gun
for
final
mold
connecting
the
dots
of
my
life
were
you
know
I
can
look
back
and
I
can
see
where
something
happened
that
now
makes
sense
here
beginning
to
make
sense
here
is
beginning
to
make
sense
here
and
that
person
said
that
they
connected
us
I
think
my
god
it's
like
looking
at
the
night
sky
in
Phoenix
cleared
I
with
all
the
stars
and
there's
a
line
is
just
connecting
to
describe
my
life
and
it's
no
longer
frightening
to
me
and
that's
what's
become
of
my
venture
in
Alcoholics
Anonymous
that
as
I
look
at
today
and
I
look
at
my
life
in
it
and
I
continue
to
walk
to
step
into
these
do
the
steps
to
take
me
through
these
inventories
I
beginning
to
understand
the
actually
the
kaleidoscope
with
my
own
life
and
the
magic
in
the
beauty
of
it
in
the
colors
of
the
people
yes
that
I've
been
given
like
Jane
good
friends
like
Sylvia
Martian
Phyllis
shown
in
I
mean
it's
just
amazing
and
it's
just
like
probably
this
big
in
a
kaleidoscope
and
fill
up
the
whole
room
I
just
I'm
in
my
fifties
never
mind
where
exactly
but
I
you
know
I'm
over
thirty
years
over
at
I
I'm
on
role
you
know
the
unfortunate
part
about
this
role
is
that
I
don't
know
where
I'm
going
I
don't
know
when
how
where
I've
been
waiting
for
years
you
know
I
no
longer
work
I
changed
my
whole
entire
life
right
after
I
just
spoke
in
Phoenix
actually
the
last
time
everything
changed
and
I
mean
everything
Terry
speaking
everything
everything
I
wish
you
that
an
alcoholic
you
know
I
wish
you
that
I
wish
you
three
or
four
lifetime
while
you're
here
for
this
journey
I
wish
is
that
anything
happened
can
happen
and
it's
all
because
somewhere
way
back
when
I
was
a
practicing
alcoholic
I
throw
a
woman
drowned
a
lesbian
woman
drunk
I
must
have
in
the
state
of
unconsciousness
been
desperate
for
help
been
desperate
I
think
that
the
big
players
came
when
I
first
joined
Alcoholics
Anonymous
I
don't
the
beginning
of
the
concerts
first
perhaps
not
even
to
a
state
of
unconsciousness
for
about
ten
years
of
my
surprise
she
happens
and
I
just
don't
drink
you'll
hang
in
there
and
got
to
go
to
meetings
are
for
sure
you
know
you'll
bring
thank
god
was
there
but
only
when
necessary
and
the
bandaid
god
I
had
from
officers
you
know
and
I
had
that
god
did
you
get
when
you
do
step
one
you
know
the
parlous
god
and
then
you
need
to
step
two
for
godly
jump
right
before
and
you
know
look
at
five
and
he
just
runs
runs
eight
nine
and
then
you
hit
twelve
and
do
a
bunch
of
propped
up
working
for
a
coffee
and
stuff
and
that's
it
because
this
over
on
that
way
all
right
people
just
do
one
and
twelve
for
sure
but
they
just
wanted
to
one
four
five
eight
nine
and
sometimes
twelve
then
they
tell
you
that
the
only
way
to
do
the
inventories
in
the
outbox
you
know
they've
only
done
it
once
you
know
they
don't
know
what
they're
talking
about
the
way
you
do
the
inventories
were
your
sponsor
tells
you
to
do
it
you
know
you
hope
to
god
they
know
then
you'll
hear
them
talking
I'll
say
like
it's
in
the
book
they
do
with
with
their
sponsor
child
under
to
assess
how
would
you
don't
forget
the
beginning
there
was
no
book
there
was
no
way
there
was
no
problem
at
all
they
were
just
people
desperate
to
get
rid
off
the
sickness
inside
of
them
correct
that
has
been
praying
while
they
were
drunk
and
they
didn't
even
know
if
they're
anything
like
me
I
came
off
that
bathroom
floor
auto
blackouts
raging
like
an
elephant
in
the
room
rate
because
I
heard
myself
say
god
help
me
I
couldn't
believe
I
did
not
need
anything
well
I
can
look
back
now
and
that's
exactly
what
god
did
for
me
maybe
not
that
exact
minutes
a
series
of
events
that
I
can
see
so
clearly
began
to
happen
in
my
line
and
go
toward
my
end
up
at
a
place
called
a
hole
in
the
ground
in
Huntington
park
California
it
is
exactly
what
it
sounds
like
they
did
not
have
all
their
T.
zero
but
I
only
saw
the
people
that
I
thought
were
different
little
blood
in
the
years
I
just
think
that
they
would
go
up
to
the
nearest
person
and
pick
up
all
the
Deathrow
people
and
bring
them
to
that
meeting
and
then
system
at
this
table
and
then
they
would
talk
Perry
with
big
bottles
and
they
and
we're
not
talking
Texas
you
were
talking
California
okay
it's
only
different
big
bundles
are
not
in
there
they
were
never
in
but
they're
big
and
they
have
stage
coach
is
in
cats
and
dogs
and
horses
and
everything
I
know
because
I
was
so
wiped
out
when
I
first
joined
Alcoholics
Anonymous
I
couldn't
hear
a
word
they
were
saying
that
your
bridge
to
me
and
I
was
still
having
the
you
know
I.
D.
T.'s
when
I
got
sober
warrant
did
wasn't
a
hundreds
of
treatment
center
so
you
know
we
like
threw
up
and
hung
out
in
the
meeting
somebody
throws
up
in
a
meeting
no
no
my
gosh
then
it
was
like
what's
do
you
do
you
know
where
you
know
they
put
all
the
newcomers
in
the
front
well
we
got
I
believe
this
because
they
Kerry
you
know
that
they
really
wanted
is
older
white
the
front
well
because
you
know
you
get
the
message
and
you
can't
no
no
no
throw
up
on
each
other
physics
go
sit
with
the
newcomers
what
are
the
new
comer
said
wherever
you
see
a
big
book
we
marked
the
spot
I
never
got
a
full
Cup
of
coffee
for
six
or
seven
months
they
were
we
give
you
half
a
Cup
of
coffee
I
think
Jeez
what
it
was
for
copy
that'll
I
guess
it
for
his
copy
the
old
password
even
doing
here
that's
what
I
was
really
thinking
who
is
the
what
is
here
for
you
we're
sure
why
Sir
sure
if
you
know
the
reason
we're
in
to
every
day
day
and
night
twenty
four
hours
a
day
like
Marty
sap
always
there
or
their
name
would
text
me
had
these
big
blow
with
those
shirts
with
all
trims
and
stuff
you
know
and
rolled
up
or
T.
shirts
if
they
really
were
beginning
to
pop
up
when
they
first
got
sober
right
out
of
prison
to
be
with
the
teachers
fifty
two
hundred
two
souls
were
the
nicest
guys
they
were
the
new
most
not
and
the
most
nice
I
must
say
the
text
guys
are
good
they
would
just
say
hi
lo
Jesus
is
I
mean
I
was
already
you
know
I
was
actually
a
dragging
my
leg
when
I
got
out
of
college
and
all
of
those
and
you
know
hi-lo's
y'all
could
not
me
across
the
room
some
like
one
good
leg
one
bad
leg
I
was
frozen
on
one
side
of
my
body
and
start
slapping
me
on
the
back
like
it's
a
party
unbelievable
but
the
prisoners
I
mean
they
kind
of
new
and
they
were
real
prisoners
to
me
no
you
can't
really
talk
about
a
lot
of
things
now
college
and
all
she
could
be
subpoenaed
its
problem
but
then
they
would
sit
up
there
and
talk
about
you
know
thank
may
I
had
nothing
to
do
with
the
stuff
you
know
I
mean
I
drank
in
the
cost
of
Irish
and
I
was
again
able
and
we
don't
cry
and
it
started
right
now
but
I
used
to
have
when
I
when
I
get
really
tired
really
drunk
I
would
have
one
of
those
well
my
flow
would
come
back
with
sticks
take
Irish
program
and
you
know
my
god
they
were
crying
and
talking
with
their
mothers
and
she
was
it
was
I
should
be
taking
them
home
so
probably
the
extent
I
was
just
up
the
I
had
not
completed
yet
the
yep
portion
of
my
my
alcoholism
I
was
right
on
the
verge
you
know
but
these
were
the
these
wonderful
guys
and
and
the
reason
I
know
that
is
because
when
the
guy
wasn't
hit
me
on
the
back
knocking
your
red
cross
room
you
know
that
Duke
was
over
at
the
coffee
pot
pouring
half
cups
for
the
new
why
because
you
know
if
you
had
your
company
there
were
you
still
on
the
I
mean
there's
really
logical
and
then
they
would
have
jelly
doughnuts
this
is
a
life
eight
thirty
at
night
to
meetings
B.
eight
thirty
to
ten
and
you
had
to
guess
early
I
did
I
did
I
came
off
the
bathroom
floor
and
before
I
knew
it
I
was
drinking
a
half
a
Cup
of
coffee
to
go
take
your
teeth
out
of
your
head
I
was
with
the
predominantly
males
group
they
were
all
great
I
mean
slapped
around
by
tax
due
to
taking
care
of
me
with
the
big
book
and
the
prisoners
and
I
are
shaking
up
in
the
front
row
try
not
to
throw
up
on
it
was
my
introduction
and
I'm
getting
dressed
to
go
to
the
meeting
I
was
going
to
do
your
and
so
less
than
in
my
own
little
mind
that
I
got
dressed
in
my
most
expensive
whatever
to
go
to
this
meeting
like
it
matter
I
actually
had
a
guy
throw
up
on
my
issue
I
could
not
believe
it
now
the
fact
that
I
had
thrown
up
on
the
bathroom
wall
and
walked
out
of
there
like
it
was
an
everyday
occurrence
didn't
phase
me
I'm
still
waiting
to
go
in
there
and
say
look
you
know
that's
what
it's
for
but
you
were
the
last
one
and
I
said
I
don't
think
that's
long
a
long
a
long
they
just
changed
over
no
matter
what
they
didn't
say
be
honest
no
erase
over
no
matter
what
we
don't
care
what
you
do
as
long
as
you
stay
sober
okay
fine
right
to
play
now
the
guy
that
started
it
wouldn't
go
over
and
you
know
the
interesting
thing
about
the
study
as
I
started
to
found
in
December
when
I
joined
Alcoholics
Anonymous
because
I
was
so
terrified
and
so
frightened
justice
over
person
I
would
sit
in
that
room
and
I
would
feel
the
hair
grow
on
my
head
I
wish
all
the
time
you
know
I
could
never
understand
too
then
they
they
put
it
on
the
line
at
the
door
and
you
walk
down
the
process
is
the
home
ground
I
would
be
there
and
they
say
okay
shaking
hands
with
every
single
person
comes
in
and
it
wasn't
always
the
new
comers
I
mean
the
roles
you
know
whoever
does
just
six
three
random
people
but
they
always
pick
one
of
us
and
everybody
that
walk
in
the
door
with
a
high
John
hi
Terry
hi
you
must
be
new
they
would
say
to
me
I
couldn't
figure
out
why
the
user
so
for
about
a
year
and
I
come
in
and
I
say
somebody's
hands
and
I
practically
had
I
drowned
in
hand
so
much
frustration
I
thought
that's
how
they
know
I
said
hi
your
new
there
was
tremendous
and
then
I
graduated
to
being
able
to
pour
the
coffee
and
they
had
excuse
jelly
donuts
male
having
anymore
in
California
we
actually
have
some
meetings
in
churches
how
do
you
get
sober
on
a
Kerry
salary
and
the
death
clearly
there's
like
somebody's
like
running
out
the
alcoholic
must
be
our
hospitals
are
very
healthy
because
we
would
not
have
lasted
we
were
required
to
be
to
jelly
donut
before
the
meeting
started
so
that
I
sure
wouldn't
drop
when
we
would
have
a
seizure
in
the
I
mean
that's
really
how
it
was
I
mean
there's
people
that
will
tell
you
this
is
the
truth
I
am
not
exaggerating
eight
even
though
I'm
Irish
I
am
not
exaggerating
you
know
you
have
to
get
there
early
to
have
your
little
I
used
to
see
so
you
could
have
coffee
and
all
social
moment
no
that's
part
of
the
benefits
but
it's
so
that
you
can
have
your
coffee
and
a
donut
so
that
you
have
sugar
in
you
so
that
you
don't
go
out
you
know
down
on
the
floor
all
right
so
I'll
go
I.
once
it
dries
on
the
floor
is
having
a
seizure
like
I
stepped
over
imports
a
couple
it
was
years
before
I
got
it
to
just
because
we
got
sober
doesn't
mean
anything
change
no
I
it's
and
crap
like
that
happen
and
bar
but
it
happens
and
I'll
call
you
mom
I
got
a
couple
copies
skews
me
what
somebody
else
ran
out
of
that
little
side
room
and
drag
him
in
by
their
legs
and
you
know
put
the
spoon
and
it
was
nothing
for
that's
how
it
works
it
was
just
the
way
that
it
will
how
does
that
happen
to
me
how
do
I
get
to
the
bathroom
floor
to
this
position
and
I
state
and
I
had
no
intentions
I
was
only
gonna
stay
right
are
we
gonna
cut
out
just
struck
a
lot
of
stuff
here
so
that's
it
Hey
I
wouldn't
be
myself
I
didn't
go
into
the
step
thing
you
have
to
do
the
garden
you
know
you
can't
use
over
thirty
years
not
talk
about
god
and
if
you
do
not
something
I
don't
know
what
for
me
let
me
just
speak
about
myself
I
really
believe
in
the
set
bottom
line
is
that
was
it
in
the
holy
ground
I
never
left
I
prayed
to
get
their
I.
free
before
I
got
drunk
one
before
I
got
sober
obviously
gets
over
I
didn't
say
so
I
would
like
I
just
help
I'm
calling
I
had
up
in
Alcoholics
Anonymous
I
realize
I'm
a
raging
alcoholic
peril
is
driving
my
foot
throwing
up
on
people
in
this
room
eating
jelly
donuts
hoping
to
god
that
the
prisoners
are
telling
the
truth
hoping
to
god
that
does
look
this
in
there
all
right
is
real
believe
it
that
they
too
are
just
like
me
and
I'm
just
like
them
and
we
got
this
thing
shaking
with
other
people
loving
them
because
I
was
a
lesbian
I
told
him
that
so
they
kicked
me
out
I
tried
everything
to
get
kicked
out
of
the
currently
on
my
own
I
knew
I
was
an
alcoholic
I
die
or
work
I
wouldn't
die
I
just
go
under
a
bridge
somewhere
or
something
you
know
what
I
mean
that's
what
happens
to
women
alcoholics
means
you
don't
die
you
know
it's
half
dead
but
I
wasn't
dead
well
the
last
a
lot
of
years
out
there
dragon
along
I
mean
we're
we
going
to
go
from
here
no
we're
no
one
I
didn't
know
any
lesbians
at
the
time
so
but
a
friend
of
a
friend
of
a
friend
new
lesbian
of
course
all
these
old
guys
talked
about
me
and
they
figure
well
you
know
they
didn't
kick
me
off
because
it's
a
lot
what's
that
got
to
do
with
it
sits
down
shut
up
and
listen
and
sit
in
the
front
row
again
clearly
here
of
regret
read
the
book
doesn't
say
anything
about
checking
out
lesbian
no
we
believe
in
the
big
book
it
doesn't
say
check
them
out
everybody
all
of
you
I
said
well
for
the
more
you
got
a
no
I
don't
I'm
not
don't
like
god
I
specially
don't
like
your
call
well
which
car
do
you
think
we
have
well
you
have
like
Jesus
forget
it
I
think
she's
up
there
in
Merion
all
of
them
Anthony
I'll
talk
to
seen
him
drunk
so
I
know
that
there
but
I
just
think
they're
highly
involved
you
know
I've
got
to
do
that
and
Buddhism
and
all
the
other
guys
too
and
all
to
have
you
and
I
just
think
they're
like
good
PR
and
they're
highly
involved
so
but
they're
not
the
big
tickets
by
any
I'd
better
not
be
yes
because
I
already
used
up
on
my
credit
there
sorry
he
said
well
I
don't
know
what
god
you
think
I
have
but
it's
my
god
and
you
need
one
and
ones
that
so
you
better
use
anybody's
god
you
confine
myself
ticketing
to
when
I
had
this
big
six
foot
angel
would
you
try
to
strike
it
weirdly
dot
hope
this
takes
like
doesn't
pan
out
because
this
is
gonna
be
really
interesting
to
my
latest
reference
files
but
scattered
all
over
the
place
but
and
the
speaking
role
with
these
huge
driveway
and
this
angel
and
I
went
to
meetings
for
year
and
I
don't
enjoy
it
don't
and
I
made
a
little
bit
of
room
on
the
right
and
they
threw
up
on
the
H.
hi
crazy
people
on
doing
a
and
before
I
know
what
I'm
praying
I'm
trying
to
try
to
make
it
and
I'm
trying
to
stay
sober
and
I'm
praying
for
the
crazy
people
leave
my
head
out
of
print
for
the
eighteen
voices
the
stock
in
a
print
for
the
noise
at
night
to
go
away
and
a
print
of
some
night
some
time
maybe
like
other
sober
people
I
will
be
able
to
sleep
with
all
the
lights
off
and
I
pray
that
maybe
I
can
move
back
into
the
bedroom
out
of
the
living
room
and
I
won't
be
full
frightened
and
a
price
that
I
want
to
verify
my
dorm
I
live
by
myself
and
I'm
praying
about
all
these
things
and
I'm
praying
that
you
know
I
can
make
it
and
then
I'm
I'm
going
to
be
okay
and
then
I'm
really
not
a
phony
and
that
it's
going
to
be
fine
and
then
I'm
going
to
be
fine
and
I
can
make
it
and
it's
going
to
be
okay
and
I'm
praying
and
praying
in
the
spring
and
little
did
I
know
that
those
prayers
then
maybe
who
I
am
today
you
know
I
wasn't
even
paying
for
anything
anything
and
I
get
sober
for
a
while
and
the
angel
goes
off
to
live
with
somebody
else
you
know
they're
free
and
non
denominational
me
because
used
to
be
Catholic
but
I
involved
in
discuss
the
Catholic
thing
with
the
angel
and
said
look
it's
over
I
was
Jewish
friends
that
need
to
borrow
you
know
not
a
nomination
huh
and
that
was
the
beginning
but
you
know
I
did
not
know
them
that
when
I
practiced
and
talked
and
chatted
with
this
angel
day
and
night
night
day
in
the
car
out
of
the
car
I
was
that
I
was
having
a
conscious
contact
with
god
I
didn't
know
then
that
is
beginning
of
my
sobriety
the
habits
of
sobriety
have
a
spirituality
had
already
been
formed
I
didn't
know
then
that
all
those
old
guys
by
the
way
they
found
the
lesbian
they
found
the
friend
of
a
friend
that
has
a
lesbian
they
had
a
little
like
good
conscience
about
me
and
they
thought
well
you
know
this
is
a
hard
life
for
a
lesbian
this
was
nineteen
sixty
nine
so
you
know
lesbians
probably
had
a
hard
life
I
don't
feel
like
talking
behind
a
great
life
but
they
thought
I
had
our
life
and
they
want
to
just
let
me
in
to
talk
to
me
about
not
I'm
sober
and
I
have
so
much
potential
and
all
that
stuff
and
I
was
only
twenty
two
years
of
age
over
began
and
on
covering
from
the
creek
you
know
the
being
messed
up
and
starting
to
speak
normally
and
all
that
kind
of
stuff
stuff
that
I
was
kind
of
okay
and
but
you
should
talk
to
me
and
convinced
me
that
now
that
I'm
sober
I
don't
need
to
be
able
and
because
it's
such
a
tough
life
and
if
you're
a
lesbian
of
course
well
you're
never
gonna
have
any
self
worth
and
Christ
you
never
to
have
Mercedes
and
you
never
got
money
going
to
be
struggling
a
whole
god
damn
life
was
going
to
take
Kerry
and
I
don't
know
how
to
type
so
I
was
really
a
mess
I
mean
they
said
to
me
can
you
time
I
said
hi
these
people
my
mother
used
to
say
if
you
don't
know
how
to
type
you're
not
going
to
survive
in
the
world
no
they
tell
you
it's
not
a
year
two
thousand
I
got
a
computer
and
I
refuse
to
hit
the
keys
because
I
still
don't
know
how
to
type
I'm
getting
over
that
so
I'm
like
maturing
about
it
I'm
not
practice
okay
but
do
you
know
the
type
the
guy
says
to
myself
why
the
hell
would
I
ever
need
to
know
how
to
type
Christ
sake
I
made
more
money
last
year
but
you
know
let's
not
go
there
yeah
hi
they
were
trying
to
tell
me
that
you
know
lesbians
are
gonna
have
a
rough
life
you're
going
to
be
like
have
nobody
that's
gonna
love
you
because
it's
gonna
be
very
limited
and
what
have
you
and
they're
probably
all
drunks
because
you
know
if
your
listing
is
not
to
be
an
alcoholic
because
you
screwed
up
so
why
not
drink
I
don't
know
what
they're
thinking
was
but
it
was
very
limited
and
they
tell
me
that
you
know
they
have
found
a
woman
is
going
to
talk
to
me
now
I
love
them
for
that
I
love
them
for
finding
a
friend
of
a
friend
that
was
a
listing
to
talk
to
the
little
lesbian
just
there
with
all
the
prisoners
the
suits
and
the
rest
of
them
and
tax
down
at
the
hole
in
the
ground
so
I
shoot
off
the
Beverly
hills
to
meet
with
this
let's
they
picked
the
wrong
person
she's
almost
successful
women
in
the
city
she's
all
messed
up
she's
trying
to
tell
me
like
this
is
not
the
life
that's
one
to
help
me
with
you
you
got
the
life
I
want
I
want
what
you
have
you
know
I
couldn't
believe
it
and
I
went
back
and
I
said
what
do
you
guys
know
what
but
I
understood
the
law
I
understood
the
log
and
then
unless
you
did
show
up
she
was
over
a
little
longer
than
me
and
was
wonderful
she
broke
all
the
rules
and
we
both
stay
sober
I
can't
believe
I
said
you're
supposed
to
do
this
I'm
going
to
come
out
I'm
not
supposed
to
be
the
person
telling
you
don't
want
me
up
against
the
wall
you're
calmer
anyway
I'm
a
slammer
don't
slam
me
I
should
be
now
when
I'm
sober
long
enough
to
know
that
I'm
a
farmer
I'll
do
it
but
until
then
you
could
mess
me
up
we
became
dear
friend
she
gave
me
my
first
twelve
and
I
don't
run
down
the
door
twelve
inch
one
my
one
day
at
a
time
she's
passed
away
since
then
Amy
a
and
we
became
great
friends
and
we
educated
all
those
taxes
and
prisoners
and
suits
about
lesbians
and
thirty
years
later
I
have
not
not
benefit
I
have
more
self
worth
and
the
average
person
I
think
inside
of
me
because
I
deserve
it
because
I've
got
the
tells
me
every
day
I
accept
you
and
I
accept
myself
I
have
friends
around
me
they
Love
Me
and
accept
me
I
was
very
good
life
the
quality
of
my
life
is
good
the
quantity
of
my
life
for
years
was
excellent
the
quantity
ridiculous
it's
about
the
quality
and
that's
what
it's
about
in
a
today
this
is
if
you're
a
new
beginning
and
new
millennium
I've
been
looking
at
this
is
a
great
locals
great
everything
I
can't
do
a
middle
middle
men
got
there
because
the
satyr
I
can't
even
say
the
bloody
words
a
new
beginning
and
a
new
day
I
can
do
today
I
can
do
today
really
well
everyone
of
you
in
this
room
can
do
today
really
well
I'm
safe
today
I'm
safe
today
because
I
have
finally
got
today
provides
you
with
the
parameters
within
which
to
live
your
life
so
that
you'll
never
get
hurt
again
you'll
never
be
alone
again
and
you'll
always
have
a
home
but
it's
within
the
parameters
of
the
steps
but
the
fences
built
now
Alcoholics
Anonymous
can
build
the
pastor
for
you
and
it
will
build
a
pastor
I'm
going
to
all
those
meetings
will
be
the
pastor
and
putting
out
those
coffees
and
having
a
meeting
start
every
night
at
eight
o'clock
and
Friday
nights
all
the
land
of
meetings
all
the
wonderful
things
that
are
going
on
all
these
are
available
for
you
and
I'll
call
it's
not
a
big
pastor
and
in
the
past
you
pick
each
other
around
and
you
love
each
other
in
your
care
for
each
other
you'll
see
an
odd
call
okay
boss
and
your
find
out
all
these
things
but
if
you
want
to
build
a
fence
within
which
you
will
stay
within
this
past
year
for
the
rest
of
your
life
well
then
that's
going
to
have
twelve
strong
poke
and
nobody
nobody
can
do
that
for
you
they
can
tell
you
how
they
did
it
they
can
suggest
that
you
do
wish
they
can
tell
you
with
the
spiritual
program
that
it's
a
spiritual
pastor
they
can
tell
you
this
is
a
million
sons
and
a
million
dollars
and
a
million
stars
and
one
belongs
to
everybody
and
we
all
fit
they
can
tell
you
that
it's
broad
and
inclusive
and
tremendous
they
can
tell
you
that
the
grace
realitysteve
within
each
and
everyone
of
us
but
they
can't
work
the
steps
for
you
and
if
you're
hanging
around
with
people
that
don't
talk
about
god
and
talk
about
the
steps
moving
because
the
faster
you
get
it
the
better
and
if
you
can't
find
anybody
do
it
yourself
with
your
best
friend
read
the
book
again
tomorrow
read
this
as
a
super
person
read
it
is
someone
that
needs
to
live
you
will
be
astounded
health
spiritual
this
you'll
be
stoned
I
am
astounded
every
single
time
I
look
at
the
book
which
is
every
month
we
read
chapter
practice
do
you
still
and
then
you're
going
to
be
knocked
out
when
you
find
out
about
the
stuff
or
you're
going
to
be
on
happy
when
you
find
out
it's
really
hard
to
work
just
one
don't
wait
eighteen
years
to
find
that
out
so
using
the
vending
if
somebody
says
you
what
steps
are
you
working
on
so
I'm
working
on
all
of
them
but
I'm
about
at
six
on
the
way
to
seven
I
just
left
five
you
can
get
the
two
if
you
don't
do
one
you
can
get
the
three
if
you
don't
want
to
and
you
can't
get
the
for
free
to
one
two
or
three
X.
cetera
you
can't
and
if
you
do
well
I
think
the
quality
is
just
black
and
you're
going
to
end
up
having
to
do
it
again
anyway
so
your
mother
does
this
you
can't
put
your
hand
on
a
glass
of
water
and
leave
a
hole
there
all
together
the
step
changed
my
whole
entire
perception
and
believe
everything
I've
ever
known
sauce
so
or
talked
and
now
I
know
that
the
first
step
of
the
program
for
Alcoholics
Anonymous
you're
powerless
over
alcohol
and
that
your
life
is
a
manageable
in
the
first
couple
of
years
you
need
to
know
that
you
need
to
know
that
you
can
never
drink
again
for
the
rest
of
your
life
you
need
to
know
that
yes
how
you
do
it
as
a
day
at
a
time
what
you're
here
for
ever
you're
here
for
many
many
whatever
those
are
you
are
here
for
a
very
long
time
you
can't
have
any
reservations
whatsoever
you
can
have
no
little
pouch
in
the
back
of
your
mind
if
she
needs
me
if
he
needs
me
if
this
happens
no
you
cannot
drink
the
master
Walsh
hi
this
is
nothing
just
around
that
have
donors
no
matter
wash
when
the
people
die
when
this
great
excitement
and
great
sadness
and
grace
love
you
live
and
you
don't
drink
no
matter
why
you
walk
through
the
valley
of
the
darkness
no
matter
why
you
will
never
be
alone
again
no
match
for
walks
and
then
after
a
few
years
off
my
understanding
that
in
the
deepest
part
of
you
then
you
can
say
I
am
powerless
over
everything
else
and
it
makes
my
life
a
manageable
and
you'll
be
doing
that
for
the
rest
of
your
life
for
the
rest
of
your
life
but
it
is
only
when
you
know
that
you
were
so
powerless
without
any
reservation
whatsoever
that
you
need
Alcoholics
Anonymous
and
the
meetings
you're
going
to
drink
you're
going
to
leave
the
meetings
you
could
be
living
in
meetings
right
now
in
your
mind
because
who
the
hell
is
she
anyway
beginning
of
trouble
thinking
like
that
about
me
first
but
you
cannot
leave
calling
on
they
said
to
me
you
can
never
drink
again
for
the
rest
of
your
life
you
have
to
go
to
meetings
for
the
rest
of
your
life
and
I
believe
this
I
believe
it
I
believe
it
because
I
would
forget
I
believe
it
because
I
would
forget
right
away
it
would
be
very
short
and
if
I
start
coming
to
these
meetings
and
I
don't
listen
for
the
similarities
and
I
don't
reach
out
and
I
don't
care
that
it's
pretty
soon
I'm
not
going
to
coming
to
the
meetings
I
have
a
cigarette
outside
and
then
I'll
have
stay
in
the
parking
lot
and
then
I
won't
leave
the
house
and
before
you
know
it
I
will
just
be
another
faded
memory
in
Alcoholics
Anonymous
and
that's
what
happens
that's
what
happens
is
it
because
I
don't
know
what
it
is
I
know
it's
a
spiritual
deficiency
I
don't
because
the
Danzig
isn't
there
drunk
because
whatever
no
you
drank
because
you
don't
trust
no
you
drank
because
you
don't
have
a
gone
to
drink
because
you're
using
god
for
nothing
you
drank
because
you
expect
somebody
else
to
do
it
for
you
you
drank
because
you
didn't
stay
for
your
own
bloody
miracle
and
thank
god
if
you're
back
thank
god
you
came
back
thank
god
you
came
back
we
only
know
about
the
people
to
come
back
what
about
the
people
that
come
back
did
you
learn
more
from
people
to
hear
the
people
are
gone
no
the
people
that
are
here
people
to
live
every
day
the
people
to
fall
down
and
get
up
fall
down
get
up
hold
on
to
get
up
I
don't
drink
no
matter
wall
people
to
come
to
the
meetings
no
matter
what
the
people
with
all
those
years
and
still
put
the
sugar
out
people
that
are
on
these
committees
that
year
after
year
after
year
to
compete
to
just
that's
who
that's
who
you'll
learn
from
what
you
learn
from
the
people
the
warehouse
is
they
turn
their
back
on
their
god
is
our
god
turned
it
back
on
them
no
they
turned
their
got
back
on
the
I
did
that
sober
going
to
the
meeting
regular
tending
at
meetings
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
I
turned
my
back
on
my
god
I
use
my
god
like
a
bandaid
only
for
the
crisis
is
and
I
had
to
be
on
the
phone
the
J.
worker
stories
me
sober
no
I
read
the
book
I
read
about
the
J.
working
except
me
sober
read
about
all
those
other
people
in
there
there
about
me
all
right
Jennifer
I
when
I
was
drinking
identifying
no
I
mean
how
many
times
if
you
don't
it's
gone
back
on
back
on
back
on
back
to
back
no
difference
in
the
truck
the
truck
the
first
step
is
the
most
important
step
of
the
mall
because
you
have
to
know
that
you're
an
alcoholic
and
you
cannot
drink
again
for
the
rest
of
your
life
and
then
you
can
go
on
to
the
second
set
and
if
you
go
to
enough
meetings
to
put
out
your
hand
enough
make
enough
coffee
and
drink
enough
coffee
and
do
enough
service
and
do
whatever
you
will
come
to
believe
because
you
will
see
miracles
that
are
not
your
own
you're
more
inclined
to
see
miracles
and
other
people
before
you
can
accept
the
Jr
Americal
too
and
you're
going
to
come
to
believe
in
the
power
greater
than
yourself
that
power
is
going
to
reach
balance
you
take
you
back
to
Saturday
I
don't
have
time
to
go
to
detail
the
first
step
is
a
step
of
grace
honesty
you
must
be
honest
enough
children
never
drink
again
for
the
rest
of
your
life
how
you
do
what
is
the
date
of
time
only
then
can
you
move
on
to
the
second
step
to
step
up
hope
and
that
hope
to
restore
that
power
and
give
you
the
power
so
for
sure
parlous
and
then
you
get
the
power
back
and
then
if
you
have
enough
honesty
and
you
have
enough
hope
you
will
be
able
to
make
the
decision
to
turn
your
well
your
life
over
to
the
care
of
god
and
turn
that
over
turn
it
over
every
little
trouble
every
little
soft
every
little
inconvenience
everything
you
don't
understand
everything
that
hurts
you
everything
that
anything
will
make
a
decision
and
the
decision
is
very
important
and
is
your
wheels
will
help
you
make
that
decision
so
don't
buy
this
crap
it's
not
been
my
experience
that
we
have
no
will
or
will
my
will
is
what
has
me
here
in
Phoenix
tonight
my
will
is
what
makes
me
make
the
decision
everyday
I
have
taken
back
my
will
in
cooperation
with
my
gaunt
it
is
a
huge
advantage
and
I
make
that
decision
and
if
you
have
enough
honesty
in
the
first
step
and
then
I
hope
to
get
that
power
back
then
you
have
enough
space
to
make
that
decision
and
only
then
would
you
have
enough
courage
to
go
to
for
so
rush
so
when
you're
powerless
you
can
get
the
power
into
when
you
can
make
a
decision
to
activate
that
power
and
if
you're
really
good
at
this
you'll
be
able
to
activate
that
power
from
my
manager
really
do
insanity
and
if
you're
not
really
good
at
it
well
you'll
go
right
in
saying
and
you'll
mess
up
a
lot
of
things
but
it
doesn't
matter
that's
how
you
know
to
do
it
so
making
mistakes
is
absolutely
wonderful
in
Alcoholics
Anonymous
it's
how
you
learn
is
how
you
do
it
within
the
pastors
of
AA
that's
how
you
put
those
stakes
in
the
ground
and
say
this
is
my
leaning
post
I
have
this
honesty
of
one
and
I
know
that
I
am
powerless
and
on
manageable
and
then
you
put
another
stake
in
the
ground
and
you
say
and
now
I
know
how
it
feels
feelings
or
fax
how
it
feels
to
have
this
power
and
this
hope
and
then
you
can
go
and
put
the
next
stake
in
that
sense
and
you
can
put
one
down
and
you
can
say
and
now
I
have
the
face
to
make
that
decision
to
ask
god
for
that
hello
and
then
you
put
down
the
next
day
you
can
it'll
be
the
stick
of
coverage
because
you've
enough
honesty
and
hope
and
faith
you'll
get
the
courage
it
comes
with
it
as
part
of
the
deal
the
guarantees
of
promises
all
over
the
literature
all
out
of
the
mouth
of
people
that
have
done
it
before
you
experience
speaks
for
itself
and
you
take
discouraging
you
look
at
your
fears
and
you
take
a
fact
finding
and
that's
facing
inventory
it
doesn't
say
emotional
drama
that
I'm
gonna
kill
myself
with
the
justice
fact
finding
and
in
the
first
couple
of
years
you
do
it
justice
whatever
sponsor
you've
got
tells
you
to
do
and
then
after
that
you
start
looking
at
those
fears
because
fear
is
the
root
of
the
whole
you
look
at
your
fears
and
you'll
be
able
to
do
with
it
you
know
so
it
was
a
different
foreign
ten
well
my
experience
is
that
if
you
think
about
the
problem
along
it's
for
happens
every
now
and
then
it's
ten
the
nature
of
your
wrong
just
like
give
us
all
the
time
and
if
you
have
enough
honesty
and
hope
and
faith
and
courage
you
will
be
given
enough
integrity
to
listen
to
somebody's
truth
when
you
read
this
inventory
through
them
I
did
tell
them
your
truths
and
will
be
is
so
profound
experience
and
they
will
say
to
you
we
love
you
and
the
comfort
you
and
that's
all
you
can
do
in
Alcoholics
Anonymous
open
your
comfort
the
people
love
them
and
say
it's
okay
it's
okay
doesn't
say
in
the
book
we
can
throw
you
out
it's
okay
then
you
have
somebody
that
is
enough
I
had
enough
honesty
enough
hope
enough
space
enough
and
courage
if
courage
enough
integrity
to
do
something
that
was
so
profound
and
I'm
calling
from
almost
a
six
step
is
so
misunderstood
it's
worth
it
tonight
I
don't
have
time
to
discuss
it
but
it's
worth
it
to
go
home
and
to
read
the
six
seven
to
twelve
and
twelve
are
you
will
be
shocked
when
it
says
god
can
run
will
not
render
you
wipe
the
snow
without
your
cooperation
because
when
it's
time
for
you
to
get
to
the
six
step
well
you
know
you're
finished
now
being
carried
on
the
wings
of
the
dove
the
floats
around
Alcoholics
Anonymous
you
just
been
dropped
on
the
ground
and
you
have
to
stand
up
and
walk
like
the
rest
of
the
and
you're
gonna
need
to
six
deaths
and
you're
gonna
need
to
cooperate
with
god
and
you're
gonna
need
to
do
it
intentionally
in
order
to
do
that
and
become
entirely
ready
you're
going
to
have
to
accept
yourself
and
that's
what
the
magnificence
is
of
the
inventories
and
why
you
should
learn
to
love
from
because
the
more
you
know
about
yourself
and
you
read
these
inventories
and
five
and
you
discuss
it
with
someone
else
well
the
more
you'll
accept
yourself
you
know
what
happens
when
you
accept
yourself
a
seven
step
the
step
of
humility
absolutely
takes
you
over
it
takes
you
over
I
don't
know
how
to
describe
it
to
you
it's
like
one
day
you're
here
and
the
next
day
you
just
step
somewhere
else
you're
just
there
and
you
know
the
behind
you
is
a
powerful
and
all
the
rooms
and
all
the
golf
and
Anthony
and
Josephine
everybody
and
they're
all
there
and
it's
a
great
called
never
take
you
with
the
grace
of
god
cannot
keep
you
and
you
will
know
that
because
you
accept
yourself
and
you
have
the
sense
of
honesty
and
hope
and
faith
and
courage
and
integrity
and
acceptance
and
humility
and
it
is
only
then
after
you're
sober
a
few
years
V.
D.
that
you'll
be
able
to
look
around
and
say
who
have
I
heard
and
your
sober
and
the
compassion
of
eight
will
overcome
you
and
the
justice
equaling
of
the
scale
the
Billy
to
walk
down
the
street
to
never
be
afraid
to
look
over
your
shoulder
knowing
that
you're
free
knowing
that
you're
not
afraid
of
anybody
knowing
that
you
can
do
and
do
would
be
anybody
you
want
is
the
benefit
of
the
from
the
nine
steps
a
large
part
of
the
reason
I
step
for
me
these
days
is
a
necessity
for
me
to
amend
how
I
think
about
you
so
that
I
can
diminish
the
level
of
judgment
and
worry
this
isn't
me
diminish
the
right
the
minister
judgment
the
more
self
worth
I
have
more
diminish
the
judgments
of
more
so
and
eighty
nine
helps
me
with
that
so
was
enough
honesty
and
with
enough
hoping
to
enough
space
in
three
enough
courage
from
the
fearlessness
of
for
enough
integrity
and
five
enough
acceptance
of
only
yourself
in
six
enough
humility
automatically
and
freely
given
by
just
asking
for
it
you
don't
have
to
do
a
C.
nothing
separate
preferable
to
do
nothing
you
delay
the
process
if
you
help
your
job
is
to
just
do
one
through
four
meet
with
somebody
for
a
little
advice
and
five
and
then
take
care
of
your
own
positioning
before
you're
called
and
six
and
then
stop
and
pause
as
Jane
said
in
a
workshop
today
Paul
with
the
spirit
world
miss
we're
all
there
is
to
will
heal
you
just
between
the
intake
of
the
else
take
a
few
breaths
Paul
and
that's
the
six
is
the
place
where
you
park
with
yourself
and
then
god
comes
in
and
seven
and
heels
you
it
is
impossible
not
to
be
healed
why
is
it
impossible
it
promises
in
the
pool
clearly
states
a
couple
of
times
I
think
about
three
I'm
not
a
hundred
percent
sure
yes
if
god
can
do
for
you
the
the
absolute
removal
of
the
disease
a
terminal
disease
of
alcoholism
if
they
can
take
you
off
the
bathroom
floor
and
stand
you
in
Phoenix
Arizona
why
would
this
god
why
with
this
process
why
would
this
belief
why
would
this
healing
not
work
in
absolutely
every
single
solitary
area
of
your
life
I
added
a
few
words
but
go
find
that
in
the
big
box
you'll
be
shocked
yes
definitely
and
they're
all
all
every
problem
is
a
spiritual
problem
and
every
solution
is
a
spiritual
solution
powerless
to
give
me
the
power
three
I
activate
that
part
by
making
a
decision
for
I
look
at
the
fears
of
blocked
out
power
from
getting
to
my
ceiling
five
I
say
to
somebody
else
and
I
thought
of
everything
is
that
okay
am
I
ready
com
I
made
enough
room
for
god
six
I
say
god
I
have
done
all
I
know
to
do
now
hi
will
step
aside
and
put
myself
in
front
of
you
thank
god
will
automatically
take
over
and
then
I
look
around
and
see
how
can
I
continue
to
have
this
channel
remain
clear
because
if
I
cast
a
shadow
in
my
life
it
is
my
shadow
it
is
not
your
shadow
and
I'm
back
to
ten
the
walk
around
stuff
the
step
we
gotta
walk
around
every
day
and
what
is
the
center
somebody
said
to
me
was
how
you
take
ten
steps
how
do
you
do
that
without
not
saying
oh
my
god
I
have
been
powerless
I
need
the
power
back
I
better
make
that
decision
what
was
in
the
way
I
have
to
talk
to
somebody
on
the
phone
I
accept
that
please
help
me
I
won't
do
that
to
you
again
I
was
a
little
nuts
when
that
happened
to
and
I'm
back
to
ten
years
to
be
able
to
do
that
like
that
used
to
be
able
to
do
when
the
car
cut
you
off
on
the
freeway
you
have
to
be
able
to
do
with
somebody
steps
on
your
toe
you
have
to
be
able
to
do
it
with
somebody
throws
up
on
your
show
in
a
meeting
you
have
to
be
able
to
do
that
like
back
so
you
can't
just
do
ten
used
to
do
all
tend
to
get
to
ten
and
then
you
have
to
say
what
is
this
a
call
to
see
what
they
call
the
book
new
mistakes
what
are
the
new
you
already
gave
me
away
what
are
the
new
you
took
him
back
well
once
you
give
something
to
the
spiritual
universe
you
do
not
get
it
back
it
is
new
the
next
time
you
do
it
so
when
you
like
like
an
****
tomorrow
you
are
you
****
so
I
don't
blame
anybody
in
a
or
in
the
world
or
in
your
job
or
your
relationship
because
you
were
a
problem
god
healed
you
you
took
it
back
you
have
to
do
it
all
again
but
you
know
to
give
you
some
peace
and
serenity
is
eleven
so
it's
so
magical
the
sprayer
thing
because
don't
forget
not
if
you
would
be
in
the
through
with
me
tonight
and
I
wouldn't
be
here
with
you
if
we
hadn't
desperately
wanted
to
go
on
a
lot
if
we
hadn't
been
a
state
of
unconsciousness
parade
so
why
don't
we
no
four
eight
personally
consciously
conscious
contact
with
god
the
angel
worked
it
was
a
great
this
year
of
my
life
my
first
year
of
my
surprising
I
turned
everything
over
I
believed
in
miracles
I
saw
them
I
read
what
was
I
hate
the
word
reform
so
Christian
but
I
was
revitalized
recreation
restored
and
then
I
took
over
for
a
bunch
of
years
well
guess
why
it's
never
too
late
I
am
restoring
and
recreation
myself
now
in
cooperation
with
my
golf
and
how
do
I
do
it
now
well
I
learned
the
hard
way
and
you
don't
have
to
I
used
to
call
got
up
and
say
I
am
here
at
the
gates
of
heaven
and
I
have
the
spelling
of
a
problem
this
is
how
I
think
you
should
fix
it
I
have
a
list
of
things
we
need
to
do
and
everybody
know
college
and
all
of
us
to
say
well
you
know
you
really
work
a
great
program
why
was
I
dark
why
didn't
I
believe
anymore
I
worked
with
a
great
program
well
I
didn't
fix
me
all
those
things
that
are
supposed
to
fix
me
why
I
never
turn
myself
over
to
god
well
I
was
trying
to
turn
myself
over
Alcoholics
Anonymous
but
I
was
afraid
to
turn
myself
over
to
go
eleven
step
step
where
you
have
a
conscious
content
I
turned
myself
over
to
a
fake
make
believe
wonderful
spiritual
gigantic
angel
but
I
wouldn't
turn
myself
over
to
go
or
the
universe
or
the
spiritual
universe
originator
myself
all
the
candles
and
mantras
and
the
Maharishi
and
all
kinds
of
crap
I
want
for
myself
over
to
go
and
my
concept
is
far
different
than
it
was
then
what's
this
got
it
and
now
I
know
what
I
was
doing
and
that's
what
my
experience
is
to
tell
you
bought
me
I
know
ask
questions
and
I
don't
wonder
about
the
answer
I
used
to
say
I've
turned
it
over
to
god
for
the
results
however
I'm
helping
now
I
just
say
what
you
want
me
to
do
every
night
for
maybe
three
years
I
rotate
your
god
leisure
your
great
spirits
what
do
I
do
about
this
how
do
I
know
I
write
it
every
other
night
I
read
in
the
daytime
I
read
it
every
few
days
all
right
in
a
column
of
the
newsletter
I
write
for
ever
whenever
I'm
trouble
about
anything
and
what
do
I
run
I
don't
even
like
the
problem
god
knows
the
problem
been
on
my
mind
probably
for
days
before
right
dear
dog
great
spirits
are
use
initial
C.
G.
S.
quicker
can't
you
know
see
over
your
shoulder
Starbucks
either
so
D.
G.
what
do
I
do
how
do
I
do
it
when
do
I
do
with
how
should
I
do
should
I
call
should
I
not
call
are
you
there
how
my
gonna
know
when
will
you
tell
me
what
do
I
do
when
hall
with
where
when
should
I
every
question
I
can
think
of
thank
you
I
need
love
you
live
when
I
throw
it
in
the
trash
and
I
step
aside
because
I
now
know
how
powerful
that
is
all
right
now
know
that
if
you
have
the
courage
to
go
home
read
the
chapter
the
of
gnostics
in
the
six
seven
the
seven
steps
in
the
twelve
step
in
this
twelve
and
twelve
and
start
writing
those
questions
get
ready
if
it
all
happened
do
once
you
be
written
up
in
the
newspaper
for
Phoenix
Arizona
wherever
you
are
hi
it's
a
huge
monumental
event
and
somebody
says
takes
a
long
some
time
No
Way
the
power
of
prayer
how
do
you
activated
well
regrettably
after
you
pass
those
questions
you
have
to
meditate
what
does
it
mean
read
all
you
can
do
a
thousand
things
fine
mountains
can
block
candles
you
can
do
anything
you
want
it
means
do
you
have
to
be
able
to
Paul
I
don't
know
how
you
Paul
I
don't
know
how
you
do
nothing
access
to
I
can't
say
this
thing's
over
it's
a
difficult
thing
for
me
anymore
I
mean
it's
the
joy
of
my
life
but
nexus
things
over
at
the
beginning
in
the
first
few
weeks
do
nothing
the
single
hardest
thing
I've
ever
had
to
do
my
surprise
and
still
remains
to
be
so
today
Paul
is
the
single
hardest
thing
I've
ever
had
to
do
and
continue
to
have
a
difficult
time
with
it
so
I
use
the
serenity
prayer
is
just
to
myself
and
and
I
because
of
the
striper
I
can
focus
I
pause
and
meditate
in
Alcoholics
Anonymous
meetings
because
I
love
to
listen
because
I
hear
the
words
I
like
the
sounds
like
the
sounds
of
the
coffee
I
like
the
sounds
of
the
people
I
like
the
sound
before
the
meeting
during
the
meeting
after
the
meeting
and
I
meditate
in
the
calming
to
me
and
I
do
nothing
about
my
problem
I
do
nothing
and
you
know
what
happened
they
O.
okay
so
the
doctor
all
connected
I
bump
into
somebody
that
tells
me
something
I
see
it
I
hear
it
and
a
week
or
three
later
I'm
talking
to
somebody
and
saying
you
know
what
that
is
that
a
and
I
don't
even
realize
all
the
coincidences
that
have
occurred
given
everything
I
could
possibly
want
it's
right
in
front
of
me
and
it
is
just
in
the
last
few
years
that
I
have
enough
so
forth
to
begin
to
ask
my
god
for
health
so
people
say
don't
ask
for
anything
well
I
don't
know
who
they
are
I
asked
for
everything
and
if
I'm
not
supposed
to
get
it
I'm
not
going
to
if
I
am
I'll
be
ready
for
it
the
thing
I
asked
for
the
most
is
that
I
can
continue
to
feel
with
the
expansion
that
I've
begun
to
feel
at
the
spiritual
awakening
that
comes
from
having
enough
honesty
hold
C.
integrity
courage
acceptance
humility
compassion
just
a
sense
of
balance
sincere
for
both
of
us
severe
instant
ten
spirituality
and
twelve
and
the
grace
active
service
and
I
mean
spirituality
eleven
and
the
grace
active
service
and
twelve
because
you
can
have
something
happen
to
you
it
involves
a
gall
you
can't
even
describe
you
see
on
a
longer
believe
I
believe
it
is
all
possible
Jesus
Mary
Joseph
whatever
they're
all
there
so
is
my
brother
so
is
my
nephew
so
are
my
uncle's
Georgians
grandmothers
from
my
grandmother's
so
be
it
they're
all
they're
they're
all
equal
it's
all
that
energy
is
all
that
information
hi
avail
myself
of
it
there's
times
when
I
feel
that
I'm
here
on
the
service
and
I
can
just
reach
through
his
hair
and
shaking
hands
with
all
there
is
I
know
the
people
I
can't
wait
to
see
them
again
but
I'm
not
in
a
hurry
they
can't
wait
to
see
me
but
they're
not
in
a
hurry
for
me
either
because
you
don't
leave
one
day
sooner
than
you
are
supposed
to
all
the
people
that
have
gone
on
well
I
don't
understand
it
but
I
know
they
went
willingly
with
they're
gonna
matter
how
with
the
wind
and
I
know
that
they
are
there
to
look
down
upon
me
so
the
when
I
say
I
need
to
sleep
I'm
troubled
I'm
worried
what
do
I
do
how
do
I
do
it
I
don't
have
to
worry
they're
rushing
to
help
me
they're
rushing
tripping
over
each
other
to
come
and
help
me
they're
falling
over
each
other
I
don't
know
if
people
up
there
to
trip
over
each
other
and
the
coming
they're
coming
from
generations
of
people
I
have
never
met
that
I
belong
to
that
I
come
from
that
are
connected
to
me
that
a
bumped
into
me
that
are
connecting
the
dots
for
me
the
rushing
to
help
me
I
believe
so
how
does
somebody
that
wakes
up
on
the
bathroom
floor
drunk
woman
lesbian
alcohol
end
up
strictly
because
of
the
concept
and
the
beliefs
and
the
broadness
of
the
interpretation
of
the
book
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
and
the
twelve
and
twelve
and
the
magnificence
of
the
people
who
are
willing
to
Cher
how
do
I
end
up
believing
in
something
that
is
so
fast
and
so
big
that
it
will
take
a
life
time
for
me
to
even
feel
it
all
it's
extraordinary
not
even
explain
the
spiritual
awakening
and
step
twelve
how
do
you
explain
that
in
a
way
that
people
don't
think
you're
some
kind
I'm
not
having
had
a
spiritual
awakening
as
a
result
of
once
putting
out
the
coffee
no
you're
just
putting
out
the
copy
so
you
can
learn
to
belong
you're
having
convention
so
you
can
feel
like
you're
part
of
something
we're
all
going
to
meeting
so
we
can
feel
connected
so
that
you
will
feel
safe
enough
to
some
they
say
hi
A.
will
make
the
decision
to
take
the
walk
the
spiritual
walk
that
I
am
destined
to
may
I
have
crawled
on
my
hands
and
knees
and
now
I'm
going
to
stand
up
and
I'm
going
to
reach
out
and
I'm
gonna
ask
that
god
to
come
with
me
I
am
ready
I
am
ready
to
go
I
am
a
sober
woman
lesbian
member
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
member
of
the
world
I
am
no
better
or
no
worse
than
anyone
else
I
am
ready
to
live
will
you
help
me
what
do
I
have
to
do
and
you
will
be
told
you
have
to
do
the
steps
and
read
this
literature
and
if
you
do
what's
possible
that
it's
possible
for
you
to
take
the
time
to
do
that
in
a
very
disciplined
and
practiced
way
to
work
with
people
in
Alcoholics
Anonymous
who
want
to
talk
about
this
stuff
to
go
to
meetings
when
they
talk
about
gaunt
to
to
to
benefit
from
the
exchange
with
people
who
have
not
more
time
sometimes
we're
impatient
impossible
but
the
willingness
to
talk
about
god
willing
to
talk
about
the
steps
the
willingness
to
say
I
have
come
from
an
angel
to
all
there
is
the
willingness
not
be
embarrassed
by
that
willingness
to
face
are
gone
head
on
and
you're
gonna
do
willing
to
love
you
even
if
you
read
whatever
not
a
guy
call
me
please
hi
this
is
Marcia
I
was
curious
what
kind
of
got
marches
he's
got
a
guard
to
make
to
join
with
us
people
look
like
they're
like
a
sleep
I
love
the
guy
hello
this
is
a
Martian
you
can
call
me
in
a
couple
of
years
you
must've
taken
off
for
March
and
he's
over
a
lot
of
time
it's
about
the
steps
having
had
a
spiritual
awakening
as
a
result
of
these
death
we
Kerry
this
message
what
the
hell's
the
message
guards
waiting
for
you
and
you're
ready
guards
waiting
for
you
know
all
the
newcomers
that
are
here
in
the
gentleman
with
the
book
and
all
the
people
over
there
we
gave
him
the
custom
T.
shirts
wear
them
in
good
health
drink
lots
of
coffee
out
of
those
cops
and
for
a
lot
of
years
like
two
or
three
maybe
you're
going
to
be
under
the
umbrella
of
grace
in
Alcoholics
Anonymous
is
you
just
go
to
meetings
it's
gonna
be
hard
pressed
to
do
anything
wrong
but
after
that
those
of
you
that
are
five
years
over
more
you're
dragging
your
wheels
and
one
of
the
greatest
character
defects
the
slow
and
you
don't
deserve
it
you
chose
to
live
that's
why
you're
here
and
the
courage
it
takes
to
embrace
god
it's
so
big
now
guards
waiting
for
you
and
whatever
your
guard
is
waiting
for
you
at
all
there
is
is
waiting
for
you
and
they're
all
waiting
and
they
they're
just
waiting
all
you
have
to
do
is
say
help
me
period
I
don't
know
what
you're
gonna
do
but
I
like
to
restore
myself
periodically
before
I
came
down
tonight
I
felt
empty
and
I
got
down
on
my
knees
at
the
end
of
the
bed
and
I
said
help
me
god
my
thoughts
and
my
words
and
my
team
I
had
the
best
time
to
I
had
the
best
time
with
the
raffle
and
I
had
the
best
time
with
my
friend
Marty
I'm
so
honored
that
we
were
able
to
stand
here
together
and
give
that
young
man
well
but
more
than
that
I'll
be
honest
with
you
he
didn't
count
as
much
as
my
standing
with
my
friend
I
hope
you
stay
sober
but
we're
going
to
know
each
other
for
an
eternity
and
she's
here
and
we've
walked
the
walk
and
it's
important
it's
important
they
say
the
newcomers
the
most
important
person
in
the
room
not
necessarily
so
for
me
there's
always
going
to
be
drunks
we're
going
to
have
plenty
of
new
comer
there's
nowhere
else
to
go
really
after
they
kick
everybody
out
of
the
treatment
centers
in
the
hospitals
for
you
get
the
coffee
the
donuts
you
know
where
they
give
away
women
at
Raffles
and
thank
you
for
allowing
me
to
come
to
Phoenix
thank
you
sandy
sue
for
the
airports
Tony
for
your
graciousness
Jamie
on
the
phone
thank
you
to
all
of
you
for
being
so
kind
thank