The Founder's Day Old Timers Panel in the J.A.R. Arena in Akron, OH

you

I'm J. blackrock and I'm an alcoholic

deeply grateful alcoholic

and I want to thank the committee that brought me out here

and asked me to come over here

I am deeply grateful that anybody asked me any place any time to go anywhere today

and never happened when I came to Alcoholics Anonymous

you know I would expect anybody to be like me

I came from the bottom and I had no place to go but up so I didn't add too much of a chance of going down

and I'm not going to get into my story too much except for the fact to let you know that

I lived on Skid Row zombie trying Michigan Avenue

for about two and a half years before I met the program about college anonymous

and my life had lead from a millionaire's country called life

did a criminal world

it is morning worlds

and then down in Skid Row on Michigan Avenue in Detroit

and when I came here I didn't think I was going to be a live

how is the youngest kid walked into the program about politics anonymous in the Georgia area

and I was scared

you know I'm not used to being amongst white people

I wasn't brought up that way my father never loved you in our home

when I found out they don't hold on for me it allowed me to tolerate you and make sure that you are going to school

a lot of things alcohol done for me I would deeply grateful for

and when you heard those words cunning baffling and powerful

I know what they mean

because I never dreamed

that alcohol is going to take me on the road and it did

down through two wars in into World War two that's where I started my drinking

and I'm not going to get in and I'm not going to get up to where I ended up a lot like to get into something that every alcoholic sitting in this room can identify with

and that's simply it is

some place somewhere

we all took our first drink

and I don't know about you

but I certainly never said to myself if I go like this hot and heavy for about fifteen years I can join a

something happened along the line and I'll tell you this the minute I tasted alcohol I log

my career started with a hundred ninety proof roles hospital hall that I picked up in the in Guam during World War two

and I loved every bit of it in progress from there and I loved everything I drank in everything I tasted the water alcohol all of my drinking life

except a few things down I used to drink on Michigan Avenue in Detroit of Skid Row

the one I really couldn't stand bend and shaving lotion I don't know if you've ever tasted that put that stuff stays with you for two weeks

in your food and everything else

but you know I was a young man with all of this happened

very ambitious well educated

missions of becoming the first American Indian president of the United States

I had a million dollars in lost

I sat on Skid Row one time looking up the skyline is is gone what is happened

what's happened to me

I'm all alone

and I knew it

you don't

I love this program so much and I love talking about it

but I honestly believe something you don't want this young man

in town hospital

got down on his feet and said god if there is a god please help me

that's true in Europe a holic said on this program was born god

under this program in build the cold

tell you any different

we get kind of sick good time to doing a lot of things in common

today is killing a lot of young people

and I still feel that I'm pretty young and I work with young people all my life since I've been in it a

ninety meetings in ninety days hello would that lasted ninety eight ninety minutes when I came here

which you know I know god knew what he was doing when the tax bill on a shoulder because he knew on October thirteenth nineteen fifty eight I'm very sick little Indian was going to be dying

if you didn't do something

and he gave us many opportunities that I never took a

I lost many things most of you know I lost a son not of heard me before

throughout the whole

and if you don't think that puts a lot of self pity and you you're crazy

my wife got tired of listening to me talk about that so many times in a it uses I'm sick and tired of this and you talk about losing your son

she said you lost your son because you drank

god gave me the opportunity to have many songs that many children

and thank god he has

because I work with over three thousand people and only lost about twelve we went back to drinking we will guarantee you a ninety percent success rate

I will take anybody in this room and guaranteed to be happy in two weeks time

we have a program you know that I practiced for thirty six years

and we have that kind of success three

car so I got a little advantage over you white people

I got a heavy tomahawk

if you don't straighten out you know what happens

but you know in America about the Hyundai sonata skate to be one day while speaking at a conference in North Dakota

and I was standing before a thousand people and I said to myself and to that audience

I love white people

interview that the biggest miracle that everyday is ever performed on me

and I still believe it today

and you may not think so when I get done talking

what I truly love every single one of you here tonight

and I'm sure glad you showed up I'm glad I showed up

but most of all I'm glad he showed up

and that's what I can believe today

he knew I was coming in they have to perform this program after all you white people should perform some program for us Indians

you

you got a real good the first place you you did business

John Connor barley corn breeders and you knew it

thank god Alcoholics Anonymous came along the greatest thing going on the face of the earth remita one looks wonderful way to live in your life

I've been happy and I've been sober since October thirteenth nineteen fifty eight when I walked into this program my still in today for

I love everyone of you

I want to congratulate you again coming down the farmers date

I know you're going to have a wonderful weekend

do you enjoy yourself

the meeting fellowship

because here's where it is

it's here in Akron

you people who have come here I've gone the extra mile which many people don't do

degree a lot of times the old timers

not bigoted young people I think in a long time right now

it's pretty tough for Detroit we don't have that many old timers

it seems like the only time we see him is when they got a birthday coming anyway show or to meet everybody says who the hell is he

did you ever hear your program down around is where you know you get a token nascent tell us how you've done it

I was prepared for a one time in about two thirty

somebody I had I had a piece of paper in my pocket I would run for a job and I had a resume internet how do you do it I pulled this paper up I started to read

they never asked me that question again

again I want to thank you very much for having me here and I want to thank the committee for the wonderful accommodations

and last night I didn't think I would be here because I was so sick that I could not walk

but it seems like the power of the home X. anonymous integration god

it always got me anywhere I need to go in Alcoholics Anonymous

I made a pact with god a long time ago

if you will give me the power

integrations to go anywhere you send me I will go

I know when I get done speaking the pain and everything else will probably come back but that's all right I'm here

and I'm deeply grateful for just one other thing

when you get to be my age you're still walking around you better thank god

my dreams my greetings come

from a person called monster

no monsters a fifty pound Indian cat that lives with me today

he just tell him to stay sober

I got another friend called chief you burn music could

okay does been with me for about six years now

but most of all that come from a loving ex wife of mine who I talked to today

who is only two years behind me were two youngest kids in Alcoholics Anonymous in Detroit

and due to circumstances finances everything we're divorced for ten years now but we still love each other very much

and I think I learn every time I go to a conference I Colorado

and ask her to one simple question what do you want me to tell those people

and all she ever says just tell me to stay sober or else

hi greetings from northern Michigan

I'm her read the chief of the auto watch a four nation

in the state of Michigan long after the little traverse bay bands of Indians I'm home as a museum I'm a great grandson of cheap black bird one of the last to run the chiefs of the auto chip one nation

and from my world I want to bring you the greetings in the gratitude thank you quite people have bought me and happiness as you give me every day of my life regardless of what's happening and it's sure great to be here today thank you very much

I don't know if you can see it from your vantage point for me sitting here this man is just glowing

thank you to

the energy there's not only up on the stage here but just the energy and and being with these individuals over the last hour or two is there is more energy in these people than I have seen in myself in the last month and I think that has something to do with their sobriety and their program

next we're going to have Liz from New York with

and this lady is a Dynamo was well

the lord have mercy on me this

sure

thank you thank

I don't know if you guys know what you're doing to me but man is a mess

this mess I never knew I'd get sober to go through all this

I'd like to say good evening to each and everyone

my name is Liz Bailey my anonymity shot to hell for a long time

in

and I'm an alcoholic

bring him home

I want to thank this committee that we just had a beautiful dinner together and to hear how hard this committee has been working I'd love to give a round of applause to

I'm going to start with you know when when one sees he met me at the airport today and I wanna thank you come up with it was good to see you again and that I've lived to see it again that's a great thing

I want to thank all my Jamaican people saying

great

look at the

queens Manhattan is

is negligence I don't care where I go they come to support me all the time and I can honestly tell you I haven't done this alone

read to group together when I could never do it alone I could never do this by myself

and I want to thank you all for coming I'm sorry I can't name a name by name I want to thank all the friends and have heard me speak over the last eighteen years out of him and all over the place you've heard me I want to thank Luke for inviting me to Pittsburgh I had a natural bowler

met nice people

and had a good time I have a good time everywhere

because I set that up before I leave my house and I'm having a good time and I do have a good time

C.

I want to thank surely both of my surely so I have to surely isn't one it's

one days finally time and the other one stays by me so again I'm not doing anything alone

I see my other Swansea juries

I just love to that also thank you for supporting me one of the issues too it's it's just been great

I'm having today

from seeing you and loving you in caring for you just like you care for me

please exposure south of the slough

don't stay at home

go out to that lousy our meeting

to help yourself or somebody else

even go out to it

you'd be surprised how great it is I used to go to meetings very very sick

and my husband would look for me to come back drunk and I've come out to the meetings and get all this **** and kissing and kissing his people in the world you know that

and I'd come back home

he's back among the goals because I'm supposed to be drunk

but not with you I didn't have to drink I think many of you know I've been through many many crisis and cycles all kinds of stuff in this next month don't have fifty one years

really awesome I have no words for it

but I've done it with a daily reprieve and a daily vigilance

every day my surprise my life

and every day and I do want to do

I live this program I just don't speak it

and I tell you re dead big local you want because I love it

but if you know the only thing

I mean the thing you need me when I entered the

and I'm speaking at a meeting this Wednesday

and I mean I get off I get on a roll in which you got a bill

because I get on a roll

has been to me and so many of this

and I can't stand to see you play games with this fellowship it's a life and death matter

a little girl was running up and down in front of me in valley stream one night I see go sit with your mommy

home of the religion I'm not up here socialites and I'm up here with my life hoping to reach someone else's life always

don't let me forget to tell yeah

don't let me forget to tell you that I don't wanna get okay without you knowing okay

and again

you know they reported me to intergroup

at

I don't know what she thought into group was going to do to make

I said she should have went to Garda me either one last

I had a girl walk up to me one night and get ready to speak in Dix hills

she says to me are you sharing I said yes she said you know I don't like you

I can't stand you I said well I don't

she two doors open at

I see you work on any one of them does you want

you don't have to stay in here me nobody has to stay in him

I said that I want to look me in the face I

rounding

and what did she do with that back up and sit down

first one it had a hand up when I finish

she said I wanna heard differently tonight I said Gee she must've been drunk the first time

no different

I'm gone I'm gone anybody in new story it'll

I came in here July the eleventh nineteen fifty two and I have been here ever since and I don't

nineteen ninety nine in this moment I think thank you

but you know I'm not planning to go anywhere

I'm eighty two

and I'm sorry

as most of you know I'm just I'm never had a clue

never had a call

don't blame it on and you don't have a car that you can get so

C. yeah my people I am troubled white people too because every night a different might do picks me up

my name is something terrible

all my god from withdrawing to this

but you know

know what I'm putting down today

again the name is that I didn't know what it was now

can't forget those things

waking up in abandoned buildings basements

places that I didn't know and I'm in good every time I went to take that drink I'm going to do it different this time

I'm not going to get in as much trouble

and then it got worse never never got better

and you know why I stay here too because I go to many meetings and I listen to you guys to go out and do it

and come back and you're not one of you have told me it's

in

you haven't told me is great so I'm not planning to go back out yeah I don't care what you're laying on me I'm just coming through a depression

and I want to tell you that was the hardest Christian recently that I've had to grow through G. R. O. W. zero

and I went through that depression because life wasn't on my terms

things wasn't happening the way I like that **** happens

and thank god big look on page one forty nine in the Old World

and page for sixteen and a new one

the word is acceptance

I've got to accept this line with

there are in different

and

has to be on my terms my will is never any good and never will be any good

listen live so good I wouldn't need to come in a

and when it needed

and I'm so grateful for that third step leave me a bunch of self that I may do his will

I flew in today

I need you so you don't speak on the same day that I fly in

because I've been up all night before practically and Charlie and I had to leave very early this morning and you know the airports and not what they used to be

they work behind you get on that plane

they work you

the surgeon take his shoes off you have to get on the dressing

and then by the time I'm hungry now

wrestles

I've been flying for forty one uses you

I have covered in every state in the United States but to

mexicana in Alaska and then not ready for me to some

not ready for the money

but I was trained in here very well never to say no to anyone

any place

and I'm asked to go

and I've been very successful in doing that

he's forty one years I say forty one use because when I got to ten years of sobriety I had the honor and privilege of speaking farming co founder bill Wilson

and bill presented me with my first big book

and anything he wrote

dear is Liz you are a magnificent demonstration of all that is a anything not to love me like that and Michael were you know

really Love Me he was good he was a beautiful person to

and so I keep coming I keep giving

and I'm going to say a couple things haven't taken

okay

in the city

and they said somebody down in the front with the car

in the car tell you you got ten minutes

I didn't come up in about five minutes

and then it'll come up good night

that's enough to shut you up right

the

but see sometime I get I mean most of you know I get on a roll

that means the dance on the stage yeah I used to show you what I was in seventeen I'm still showing you that and they come on now

yeah yeah since I was in Brooklyn one night stand yes and if you see what I got a new one

this is a new guy winked at me

I mean I don't let me rephrase

I get myself in trouble

I'm in a trouble long time thing

thank god I do think

I wanna thank you for your love

illegal

I don't know where I'd be today

if it wasn't for you

give somebody some love speak nice to somebody when you leave this place

hug someone

but most of all the given yourself somebody somebody somewhere

and you'll see the benefits that will come back to you

I've had nine operations including one is offended that still one nine times god keeps bringing me back

he keeps bringing me back

I went up and had three operations in six weeks

the doctor assisted me you've got cancer

I'm giving you six months to live

I see you don't talk to me like that

I'm in a small issue the teaches me I live one

day at a time

I'm now thirty six years

he then and I'm still harmonies

buses and subways and trains and planes come on what you gonna do with your life what

with your online

come in here and live happy joyous and free

that's what the name of the game is

and don't ask me if I have a boyfriend because I'll tell you I am happy and joyous

no big you want your relationships and

that thirteen step as a

gotta have love and respect for each other

and grow together stay together

it's been a lot of happy marriages and me

news about unhappiness to

thank god give you somebody

Chris learned that when you came from nothing hi

mmhm you look good you look good you press to press the demand status on the job

because it will tell you something

please get sober for yourself

if I had to stay somewhere for my mother and I've been drunk drunk drunk

Mr Bailey out of been drunk drunk drunk Mr Bailey couldn't stand me in a

after I spoke with bill yes me to please leave and I didn't mean

my oldest son is sixty three now he was twelve when I came in

he still hates my living that's it that's all right

I found that god has given me seventy times seven

yes ma'am

it has to be their problem that is not my problem I love it

he's going to be like the prodigal son one day god will have a ring my doorbell

yes

I just have to wait patiently

let's keep love in my heart for him

my second son was shot and killed at the age of twenty eight

and I don't cry for my son because I would disturb his beautiful spirit

my sister went in right after he was killed and she jumped thirty floors

I just listened to it recently

with Lou Gehrig C. immutable girl going down to the skeleton

almost killed me I walked the streets of Jamaica remaining day coming from that hospital Brian

ABA members were with me

thank god sent me an angel to be with my daughter at the end of my life

I went to twelve step this young man take him to a meeting

and for bringing me back from the meeting I said don't take me home take me to the nursing home to see my dilemma

he took me to see Judy and he fell in love with mine Judy

and he started going every day to take care of a

and gave her a good Christmas he taken the Denison beauty promise and he made the last a phone line a very happy life

and he got so

girls and boys don't know who took the weight off me too took a lot of weight loss

so let me come back to myself

so we love each other we care for each other

I have a beautiful day a baby she just made forty six

and she's gorgeous have twelve grandchildren that I see by appointment only

I do not the message

no babies

and I have five reunions god has been good

and he's good all the time if you

you've got a lot

you've got a leading

get yourself out of your own way please so that you can have this beautiful life that we can do together but I can't do it alone

I love you guys I love seeing my growing into

she had a I don't know if my girls from the table tonight

I'd like you to meet this young lady who had a motorcycle accident

and when I saw her walking up in my face and I almost went to the pool because she says she's following in my footsteps on finding the net interest some headed

but I love you so much the name is paying into and I'm not sure anonymity because I didn't mention the last name please but that's paying and I'm so grateful for the garden view thank you many of many of you I could stand up here all night and meant to mention you and you know who you are though in my life yes you do I had two young dude you know I my doctor asked me do I go to senior citizens I don't know

she said one is building I see because I can't stand to moan and groan

I really can't I hang out with the young dudes in a

fine young news

given

you see what they do to me they charged me up

right

get a hold of them because they have the next legacy really

then on next legacy

and we need to keep them here

and don't put them down for no god given res care who they are

I love you

well yes I do

I love you and I got to watch myself because I could bring it down a few years old man but I'm trying to keep myself up because I'm not alone with stress

and I try to stay away from stress

not a bell in my mind thank

if you don't think that that's hard trying to ring that bell it truly is

we are a diverse group that normally would not mix

Steve

how does it feel to be in the white minority

ladies and gentlemen I give you Steve D. for mentor Ohio with fifty six years

my name is David

born it's a couple of tough act to follow

you have thank god for a because I didn't have to go through a lot of I didn't lose a lot of things like other people did and in the program I had a brother that was so

became an alcoholic in front of my eyes when I was a little kid

yeah I'm gonna be driving

our car that killed my dad when I was four years old when I watch these men become an alcoholic

and I decided that I would never take a drink and maybe I would never want to be like that person

but somewhere down the road

when I was about sixteen or seventeen I took that rank

and it was like pouring gasoline on the fire

I started drinking every day right almost right off the bat

and by the time I was twenty two years old I was the worst drug to my brother

the guy I used to go after the bars he was coming after me

in November of nineteen forty four was my first introduction to a

I was twenty three years old

there was a guy there without going up the steps they're doing men's group they met on a Sunday afternoon they used to call them training meetings and I went up there at three o'clock in the afternoon he some guy met me at the door and he says Hey kid you in a right place

and I said yeah I want to quit drinking

he says go inside keep your mouth shut and your ears open and that happened to be hairy arrive when the old time

and I'm grateful to every person that was here long before I

because they're the one that kept me so

I didn't stay in a program very long I I guess that was in October forty four and new year's eve ninety forty five forty six I took my

my mother handed me my first drink

and I knew right away from that break one time I got done what I was gonna go I went back to shake his bar where I used to drink start drinking the same way I drank before

I made a fool out of myself for nine more months

Labor Day nineteen forty six is my anniversary date

I was twenty six years old as time

I made up my mind I was going to do something about it I started hanging around with the right people in the right places they took me to jail houses the courthouses

salvation army wherever there was a person that we could work with twelve step work back then was

a priority in your date nobody admitted there were no holiday back in them days are yet to go fish amount you're going to the flop houses and everywhere I went to look for these people

when I worked with

I helped sponsor a few people

I learned how to live this program I learned how to love this program

he goes out without this program I wouldn't have anything I have today

next month I'm going to be eighty one I'm gonna be eighty two years old

I have a wife going to be sixty years and we've been married

right all

thank god for a I had four children by

one was killed in an automobile accident she wasn't driving and she was walking in some drunken

he was sixty years old at three do got D. Y.

and you never knew we had a

and the judge asked

assertion he sent us a letter because this happened in Florida next initial letter out here to mentor asking us what would the punishment a good punishment be for this gentleman

and because my daughter's road kill I'm shooting hang up throw to keep away

and my wife wrote the scenes up some similar to that but I didn't write that letter right away because I was going to meetings and I had people hanging around with me in a a I made sure I went to a lot of meetings right after that because I didn't know what to do I don't know whether I kill this man I would try to help

I knew people that thought me in these rooms that I should learn how to log

and that's what I did I wrote the judge back I says this man needs a lot of help she did against

the man died a few years later of cancer he never served just short term memory serves about five

and never know never know that I could do that for you people in these rooms I thought we had a

tell me how to love and have a live

and how to be a decent person

thank god for a my brother that it was an alcoholic I was sober about five years and he called me up and he says to me Steve I want to join your club

and I said

gosh

no club what there's a lot of people eager to know you're in there waiting for you you knew you were going to come

well anyway this this person that I didn't want to be like

died when he was eighty seven years old and forty years of sobriety

thank god

how I stay sober today I do the same thing I did when I came

I go to meetings go to three four meetings a week I try to help another drug

I got a home group

I'm still making coffee there for last thirty years

you know what I got that job one day I complained about the coffee

and the guy said you make it tomorrow

that's what I did and I've been there ever since

we meet every Tuesday we have a beginner's group and I'm so anxious to get there to to start setting up the meeting I still set it up I go there at noon and I set the meeting up and then I go back at six o'clock and I said make the coffee for the beginners meeting at seven o'clock in our regular meeting starts at eight

but I'm so anxious to see these people coming to their door

and shake their hands

and if somebody's mess and I always ask where is this guy I haven't seen him for

MGM for couple meetings

I'm always looking for somebody to talk to

a young fella come up to me and I thought I was young when I came into the program you come running up to me when I was making the coffee and he says to me he says Stevie says I just joined your homegrown

I want you to give me something to do

and I said how old are this is fourteen

fourteen years old

and I thought I was Joan

and he's telling me and I talk to these young people as they come to the door and they tell me it's no different out there than when I was out there fifty six years ago the same torture node and the headaches and the jails and everything's always forming out their favorite take that first it's still there

I don't have to thank god for a I don't have to live that life I had before

worrying about whether a jail is gonna be a somebody gonna throw me in jail the next day because I when I was drinking I was in every racket you could think

I never ended up in jail

my boss wouldn't press charges against me you could just send me their federal penitentiary

thank god for a cause I would have been in a penitentiary sure as heck all right dad

I had a lot of people after me

I was a mean selfish person

and you people taught me how to be a different person our love and understanding

share this love with my fellow man

thank god for a

I have a lot of good friends in a if you if you judge guys well by his friends more than a billionaire because I have a lot of good friends in a

I think there are certain from mentor Ohio

come up give me support and what I needed

I thank everybody here they came here and I wish you all the next three days have a good time and enjoy the

wanted thank Dana for asking the committee for putting such a wonderful thing together every year

and I hope I could come back some years later and I still be so

thank god for a and I love you all thanks a lot