The Carry This Message Group in West Orange, NJ

he gave me a bottle of power

all right

there's enough power in this room to change Alcoholics Anonymous

or at least blow the roof off the street

S. A. M. you're welcome that I'm a recovered alcoholic

since first promise first page first edition first printing

either believe it or you don't most people that say their recovery farms

figure over heard was from Texas Jimmy Williams

he said you can stay safe in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous as long as you want you'll have plenty of company

he said or you can get well in the program about the hallways nomination you'll have plenty of company he just got to choose the company you want to take you on a hang with some

I like movies

affected when you live in Los Angeles for ten years sometimes you get a little confused between movies and AA meetings

well source Reuters

and I thought it's two movies tonight

one for your older folks the godfather's godfather once

and there was a famous conference of mob bosses call Appalachia

the other one is a little more current was I think Robert deniro and Billy crystal

has a lot to do the title has a lot to do with Alcoholics Anonymous is called analyzes

Joe can be perceived anywhere you like

and they had a conference of mob bosses

and I was thinking you know that's what it's like here's a nice we have representatives from the Bronx

the godfather Sydney as

your mother Loretta

she's the boss you know most guys don't

we have representatives from Staten Island

New Jersey

and there's an interesting thing going on

everyone is anybody here tonight is not interested in the work in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous maybe you will be

you're welcome

you are welcome among people to do the work

we're not always welcoming people that don't do the work

and they're not always welcome among us since took us a long time in Santa Monica and a lot of ridicule they didn't do an analysis on group in Santa Monica for fifteen years since I got sober in Texas we give our severity

it's about dragons

or if you don't have much time it's about letting everybody feel sorry for you

my sobriety date I was given this year's harvest seventeenth nineteen eighty two and for that I am very grateful said I express that gratitude your actions

is that at times were and I was not on hiatus for five years let me tell you since there's drums in India

I was just a spiritual boot camp because I'm more myself a lot a little bit was self indulgence in the fellowship of the program about how it's not in this room what you also need to do to stay sober

when I found out something about that too

I found out you know

you know sometimes bigger say I don't have much to share tonight we go all day and

we're in for some speakers I'm not gonna tell you much about my drugs alone goalie she is fifty five minutes later only leans over and says I think I want him to get sober more than his own family

I don't want to say I'm bubbling over you know I've been saving it up

people who do the work in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous makes fun of people that don't do what's in the Big Apple but if anything the rooms of a written inventory about those mother **** don't have to do what's in the

it's anonymous you probably saw some

this is then because you have to and they don't

instanmovie gets better and better and better

and your six five minutes six months in the grace of god and in Los Angeles California where I moved a few years later one of the big slogans in south central was the grace of god and suspicions

not for me

lady in our group once that's graced last only as long as ignorance but when you see some truth you need some power to do something with the truth using

I thought there was

some men in the hallways and on this myself into this whole facet of life

and discounting women enough to hold some numbers that you can learn about half of yourself

you know it's also one of these yours mine but it's we're we're instance don't tell some of these guys from Brooklyn or Staten Island that within every seniors male senior

you think I had trouble getting in touch with my inner child I didn't ever have no trouble getting in touch with my inner child I've been desperately seeking for an interim self

I don't like him

I don't want to be individuals

but something happens when you get some power in your life senior select power eight is not my diligence

it was a group in San Francisco friends of ours who call themselves a lot what's not what the hell's the last one it was a hell of a lot more specific call ourselves lacks however is a dilemma I see you all keep doing the work you're going to have to change your name to hospitals she said why is that because having powers of **** dilemma to

very very powerful form when he was twenty six years in a prison cell and he said that all right here what is but he said most people are more afraid of real power and light and they are remaining here responsible powerless in the darkness

and you can stay safe as long as you want

now here's all powerful money go is

and I don't want to forget anybody else that you can use the word just to avoid doing the work

when you say that again you can use the working the twelve steps of Alcoholics Anonymous to avoid doing the work in the twelve steps of Alcoholics Anonymous how does that look

one three nine and a half

awakening as a result of the steps you haven't had a spiritual awakening as a result of the steps you had an amazing spiritual awakening as a result of one through nine and a half

and then you rested on your laurels sandals laurel started **** your **** right they go from come through the pain and then you can watch that because we're used to that to rest his back to a normal conditions it was a little scary when you were comfortable with some calls

and then you go gotta get another workshops they're doing another workshop one through nine and three quarters

General Motors world asking for inducible some power become effective I've even seen people use wells to avoid learning

you know I might not be sufficient amounts but I'm working with a lot of people

you know why you're working with a lot of people service because you're supposed to carry the message to stay sober

if you work with people to keep you sober then there must be something you can do to keep yourself

and there must be a first step reservations and it took some work to see that

I went to a guy one charm spirit yearlings jail license status back up just a second

I drink enough alcohol to need to do the work

what is the drive I have to do with it Centrica centers we've all seen people grow treatment a lot more than ten times who are not alcoholics

road rage row for use not abuse why blacks in Harlem this is where we are from doesn't matter

as long as you got this little is following the story

if only I had grown up in that sense

we hear a lot about the yes you know they talk about the U. S. in California

I haven't done that yet

have you ever heard about the Islamists if only my Daddy has been sixty when I was born by the time I was ten he was seventy six that used to cost me great pain therapy

now that I've woken up a little bit it gives me a tremendous amount of hope for at least the next ten years of my life

I've been places where you actually explain that you're

I could be doing with my dad was doing when I'm sixty years old

take your brain scientists

unfortunately unfortunately I'm following in my father's footsteps

and then the light shades for the last three years but that's okay that's another story

it was a matter what kind of family I grew up in you got this little there's only so the former had gone to that school with those guys if only they had sent me to these calls I got strong connections you're

the power is increasing

hello since she's

and away from the speaker

I got the connection with the service nice great descended from battle creek Michigan didn't know what to do with this

because I had a profound spiritual awakening since these are the voices of the most behavior just changed if you listen to

about his first stroke and you listen to relax the whole talk about his last round their full spiritual awakenings

one wakes you up like you've never been woken up and one wakes you up like you've never been woken up

what's the difference between the awakening that you have the first time out the whole works you listen to the whole would get in touch with the first time it worked I mean as far as time is right the first time at work and every promise is halfway through the nine steps in truth

nothing eleven step forms we have this all around this country think there's only twelve pounds of so called the twelve promises of Alcoholics Anonymous halfway through the nine steps you'll be amazed I sit in the back I'll never get those promises because I never thought I could make it through the halfway through the nine steps

halfway through the next step is going to mean going all around the country I lived in a lot of places

the music comes to one is not the neediest Americans during a guy said the March Houston one time because markets are depositing currency I wish there was a better world and looking for a better work for a long time currents that place used to dream about a package just start again if I could just start over

which is what some of these people if we could just start from ground zero that would be a big improvements smokers talking about getting current

there is a better word for

entering the world of the spirit and any halfway through nine is on the other side of your first set of events when your current status you haven't had an amazing spiritual awakening promises that waited before not after five

you have some spiritual ideas now you begin to have a spiritual awakening halfway through and there are some amazing promises

incisions are working to secure

that day from when your head your heart will realizations I don't know anybody

I got some that'll be on going into the rest of my life when I've gone to everybody I possibly could

you can give yourself to that place from step one

here I was this kid for the drinking age twelve woke up

I wasn't quiet withdrawn and silent anymore I could say what I wanted I could dance with the little girls crossing

since our came into my life and you listen to a real alcoholic talk about his first glance when it first work and they're not just saying it sounded like it was going to be fun I saw some people doing this they're going to talk about connecting to something within themselves that they felt disconnected from once they look back on this they're going to fit every description of untreated alcoholism on page fifty two before they ever took it right

restless irritable discontents and sets out like an alien from another planet troubled personal relationships

control my emotions and anybody if you're new here and you were damage like I was from drugs and alcohol and you're able to be here in the grace of god thank god for every drop of your drink I don't think they should have brought you here and I don't want to date but I believe this may be god used alcohol and drugs to bring it back to him

this is what more people the guys in the devil's

virtues

happiness

money

no cracks

no I don't want to see anybody in this room is a crack addict

a lot of your

if you

thank god for every drop you know the ones used to say that we think we're the fortunate ones guards were the chosen ones to be an Alcoholics Anonymous one of our friends got your three they pay their ticket they got two goals we're still paying our ticket we gotta be right here suffer and suffer in the still suffering and sometimes your suffering because you can't get still and that's why you're still suffering

as you can get still

such sponsored always said

the goal is to get in touch with a quiet still voice within you're never going to hear if there's loud noises from the past

I know about the inner city

I took a drink I had an awakening didn't know what to do with me they sent me to the east coast

and fortunately for me unfortunately for everybody else who was one of the number one drug schools in these calls outside of Worcester mass Timothy Marion round us Richard Alpert said one of their guys they're making now is to use in the schools of France and I went from whose farm apple wine

she's drinking

weekend kids drinking lotus said LSD twenty five in a four month period at age twelve

real LST

after five years that we called LSU can

he says his brother said to me one night it is meeting in Dallas I shared something his brother looked at me and his brother said I gotta have you sit right across business big rooms read the book to these people that are just on fire given this old boy his brother in the sophomore his first I like to see you sitting right across from me because I want to look at you and I share some wonder if his brother said I don't know what drugs you were doing in high school but I wish I would have had some

I used to give his brother helps every week

we love each other

and helping people to do the work in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous

be experiencing disunity

how can you continue doing the work and get further away from the people that brought it to us how can you the gas one of them and then we'll discuss what you would hear gossip about them that's why we've come together here tonight we got the five years to the five families of the New York

apple released

appellations to that should be the name of

please raise this mother **** take a lot of those working in the movie

you're under arrest for having too much power in your life we don't want people

did you know what they do with people in American history six killed everyone of our heroes white or black secular people get free same in Alcoholics Anonymous

there's a lot of people that want to kill you they want to do is they want to stay sick they want to have plenty of company and you're messing up their company

you're messing up the comfort you're messing up the grace of god

but I'll tell you what I found out about my judges some people that don't have to do the work

not only was I just thought that they don't have to and I do I was taken to a place where I love doing the work and I saw that my judgments about people who don't have to was about my own narcissism because I believe god was working in my life but I didn't believe god was working in Alcoholics Anonymous the way I thought you should

you know what we're surrounded by people in Alcoholics Anonymous Jack lessons they don't have to do the work Lindsey

either for the guys that need to ensure the message to everybody

in about ranking on this election is about love and service it's about love and service

but I remember a man that was there in a room similar to this on a Friday night in nineteen eighty two and his name was on Christmas name is don Chris

he didn't want to be there that night

he didn't go to that treatment center because those people might or might not as an alcoholic he told me he was extremely center because he's out of the hole that's why we be in service because we're out of road north what they're doing we should be in the places we disagree with their philosophy more than any other place on the planet sorted stops

I've been in certain spots in Beverly hills much more shorter than my friend Sydney's place and in the process because sorted and how it looks sort is whether there's any large there or not

there's millions in south central Los Angeles I love to see here is the test and if they like you know and if they don't like you know what and that's what I like about new Yorkers whose with Norman north to see the **** you are I love you

yeah you're cool

he said you're not from LA

I never sits there and I was just thinking about the other day my best friend in Los Angeles all from New York

I mean showing god bless got silver in the Brighton beach boardwalk couldn't find the message

given the grace of god the native per year said start going to meetings house in in very keen that we're talking fifteen years we'll figure **** like once every year

yes twelve years before you can begin the process

when you get to hear the message when you're twelve or we're still one of the leads that

we wouldn't be here

we have been slapped

New York

there were

you need to have a book

think about the books in about the Bogart worship the books I heard in Denver when I got sober reasonable quantities work assess your response

my mindset than those are the things that will keep me sober but you know what I failed to realize I already will host

six months later I've seen people do the book better working steps has been response to spend more time with the new the book inside I went to ten times more because the knee jerk again

it's part of the second half to step one certainly the lady is a phrase the other day I can't take the credit I have instead of more than three times I just heard the other day

a sister from LA who's in Dallas got sober in our group in Santa Monica she said you know what happens I got stuck on the dash

and you can just start from the dance going forward but you can get stuck on the dash going backwards I'll tell you what that means ask the guy tonight at dinner celebrate their medals I know it's a mad dog he's were gotten

I said don't worry it is that I got some women's lessons so my life's great

those events had anything to do with your drinking again nope

he's stuck on the dash going backwards because it was about the young man's abilities of his life he got through nine and a half his life got better

is that because it was about being powerless over alcohol and

can anybody in the men's right now for the first time so concerned for your time and make your first going to **** your **** up

here's a for years if you don't want to hear this one here is going to **** you up when you say that for now

dear god please show me if these unfinished immense have anything to do with whether I drink again or not this

if you know what happens the further away you get from one the further away you get some more

and you know I'd actually have a mind to says this step one going through when you're in it

you know when you're formally when you're going with the sponsor from the title page three parts of the program you know

doctors opinion bill story there's a solution more about alcoholism source that's true

now you've done some work

and now you don't really have a drinking problem anymore you have living problems the demands are going to straighten out sentiments during the mouse and everything are fifty two starts to change when you do a ten and eleven out of virtue there is no desperation anymore or do the morning I do it if I don't I don't because they told me my home group don't beat yourself up

well I tell you what if you're not being yourself up alcohol will feature the **** off

Nancy is my language

I just have to see my friend Sydney and something happens

this is in a room full of people who have a crack in the school the day

your flat tire on the way in here

most of the people in this room even if you're still debating since probably about life and this and I like to be in rooms with people work about life and death but sometimes people like me thank you for that it was about life and death it's not about life and death anymore it's about life and lives a great life Simone happens when you get free of the fear of dying I was I wasn't afraid when you told me when I was new to drink again is to die

you know why I'm not I'm not afraid out there on the streets

which when you tried to call I've been in the penitentiary submitted records to start might be a hopeful promise of Alcoholics Anonymous

you know scared me though you might go on living a long time feeling the way you're feeling this long sober diet and alcohol if this is an alcoholic this usually takes a long time

that had to be reminded of that from time to time and what do you need to be reminded of that

you need to be around people to court care more about whether you live or die then your sensitive alcoholic feelings and how what they might say if I make you feel

there's some stuff you gotta quit caring about that there's some stuff you got to start caring about you got a question about what anybody thinks about what you have to say if you think that was easy speaking around the country when I thought I was the controversy of big time speaker says you know what I still thought I could help their performance and you know what I don't look for people are gonna help anymore

you know what you end up with what you look for people who can help you end up with people that are human power can help you know on the floor

of the nobody can help and I pointed to that which can cause when I went down and I said I thought you told me reading the book work in the steps of getting a sponsor and going to meetings is what would get me sober he said no no no we hope to all those things would get you in touch with something that already is keeping his so

that's what I figured

I'm not going to talk if you're passing the best

she comes from the Richardson to get past the basket of the restaurants have

before they get pissed off

this feature is not as nice as I am

so you're fifteen years over here in Santa Monica California you've been five years in Denver a lot of work with some great people my heroes are still in dense forests in Denver I don't know we probably will see about that we were we got so

so there are some giants and I'm homeless and arms around this country

I was five years in Denver

moved to LA I was there ten years all right around twelve or thirteen I've been there eight or nine years ago I moved from LA from from Denver sausages in the course he's the guy that I have to go to to go through the work he's the only one that can take your hops through the works man that's **** up in my room down there he says I remember you from our list and then you kind of some of our retreats he says you want to do the work I said yes this is why

I ask everybody I work with that question

is this work what you want to do are you willing to go to any lengths why you want to do the work and why the **** with me because by the time they leave my house that's why I'm asking myself why it needs to turn his healthy well adjusted people enough for most Americans

you're looking for a healthy well adjusted people around the whole issue number six zero

even recovered very worse some swells up people

in the normal world

what do you mean you have to do this is to get some power in your life I just walked into church great sermons realize when I do this this and this this happens I started doing in my life and I just quit doing it what's wrong with you I don't know lack of power

in the power you're still not working

but you got to live out there in the world Dennis but not of this

we get somebody from another place

it's a live as members of the fellowship of the spirit not just members who have experienced the spirit of the fellowship that's what they call that is the big book talks about two fellowships it is already interesting one at the beginning of the war some of us walk in your first meetings some of us had a major waiting just saying my name is Joe and I'm an alcoholic second be an amazing experience people that shared a common problems let me tell you stuff to build up your your regular they build up your resume maybe we need that one wonders when he's with his accomplice and they start off by telling us your the most important person in the room you go well finally I'm in a room or they realize marriage if the room was just filled with newcomers

share a common problems the county jail wouldn't work for everyone of this the first time we went if all you need is a room full of people who shared a common problems okay newcomers might be that the blood of Alcoholics Anonymous but you know these are hard to run through and that's the people that you're with us who didn't want to be there on a Friday night

I didn't want to be in that treatment center who didn't agree with their philosophy he didn't care what was alcoholic or who was this for who's doing the work and who wasn't he was there to save his own **** because he was alcohol

and if you think I'm still doing this other virtues for some great enlightenment from India or that are transgressed alcoholism you're mistaken

suffering never ends with freedom doesn't either and they're always both right there it's just layer after layer after layer and you can focus on the suffering or you can focus on the spirit of the universe that is there every single moment it ain't going nowhere

and that's that's the levels said always slow economic regardless your sponsor down the road the rest have the spiritual paths in the loneliness

in Alcoholics Anonymous

right as far as many people as you can in this area that has gotten current with every man's are consciously aware of storage you have the best through the steps

what people tell you I've been doing some recently how many times you've gone through the steps three really cool the sales have another conversation you still got some comments from your first run through yeah

you still got some emails from your second time through yes then why you telling people use them through the steps returns what all you've done you're never completed eight or nine

would you tell people you're going through the steps that we didn't finish for

could you tell these these messages that you had finished your first steps no then why do you tell people you're going through the steps when you have finished the last word in eight or nine

what you had major awakens it had a major awakenings your life is taken off everything from page fifty two is changed

what you got lost going backwards on the dash because the Americans don't have **** all to do with alcohol and drugs anymore

so you just say dear god please show me if these are sentiments have anything to do with whether I think again or not and you might hear reminders that not all right it's connected to the first half of step one and your reason to do ten and eleven in a box sure because you become a wonderful saying just because you're powerless over alcohol and drugs

this is a manageable lives with power in your life Swiss responsibility don't you wish sometimes when you're alone after meeting sometimes and you've done a lot of work in a sense you could you go back to being ignorant and houses also have S. yes

you know just turning through a it was a great guy today I have a choice I don't know what your big books not sees a manager will be in somebody's heart

imagine what would have to be an insult one of you in this room know what I mean imagine what would have to be in somebody's heart to use the word **** about another member of the program that you're in it saves them to maybe

or maybe they're just to talk once

it was dispatched for tires

I had a major working in his brother's group this year reading the chapter to the wall what our need to restructure the wise I've never had one since

that's why did you go through the steps of your child you don't need to restructure the gnostics against this topic you have heard this narcissism

your existing ones and it is never going to happen again so she chose gotta servicing but see the **** up thing about using guns everything you're the one going to the well with the container

your conception of everything this time if your conception of everything this artistic conception you had nineteen years ago how do you operate in the world is server minimum charge and twenty years ago I can barely operate in the world today from an inventory from two years ago June tenth and eleventh starting with the spelling from us with a great teacher in a place where there was nothing but time

I submit myself to a person that I respect who's had a spiritual awakening deeper and deeper and deeper who's a mass or is a tie for Sydney's you tie for work

four people can get by on site to work

I go to a man who's a type four but he does tie for work

he's been on the other side of a man's many times and I know I'm not going to him and he knows I'm not coming to him and we know we're not going to a process either since we've gotten free of worshipping the person we go to that's what that's cool about that we've just freer worshipping the person we go to

and we get free of the process that we used to worship too because it's about going to a deeper relationship with god

he gave us some questions I've been in the service sector longer this time and the first three steps then anytime I've ever been through the worst in twenty years

install

you don't have to be fun

thank god for you to make your tests

said I want to talk about fairness because for fifteen years in Alcoholics Anonymous I suffer from a belief that goes like this

if it feels good

it's good

and if it feels bad it's bad so anything that makes me feel bad

they could actually possibly be the devil as a matter of fact anything that makes me feel better I'm going to stay away from and became so good at ten and eleven

that I was just going around stuff rather than through it because I have a mind says you cannot be in pain fear resentment depression

the motion pain physical pain stands and sees at the same time

so if you're in pain you got to do whatever you need to do to get that comforts and that's what they're doing this on a retreat

yeah

this guy

this guy said I've been coming to this group for six years

I know what you **** once you want me to do all the work this weekend and I'm not going to give a one hour talk on worshipping comfort thinking this guy's

since back to our rooms to write in the pharmacy how many of my attitudes beliefs and actions have to do with the idea that if it feels good it's good and if it feels that it's bad I went back to my room I wrote some stuff with him the next day he looked at me so hard I've known you for thirteen years you've been a part of my group you've been on some of our trees you've been out here you've been working with others I got one question for you I said what he said were you getting ready for

this is what he said everything you read to me was about well maybe one arms for maybe one or have this much for maybe after this next relationship or maybe after the next retreats then I'll use it when you get ready for

that's a whole stockbroker from in my life

I believe in having spiritual teachers you know why it might not be through this area

S. S.

I don't want to say anybody in this room is a crack at it you might look correct the issue and I don't want to stay in it but in this room is a reliable hosts sort of law you look just look to the alcohol

and you know what it is really hard to find out about growing spiritually in Alcoholics Anonymous

I hate to say it you know why because those are free will tell you to go have your own experience in detecting where your heart takes you they won't do it for you because the three Seneca St this feature in this book and this tradition they're gonna say your hard drive you send those that are going to say meditations about this this person not talking

but as far as it's going to go

and I no longer see the spiritual life inside of a separate from the spiritual life outside of a because all I got anymore as alliance that's what the problem I don't want a regular many married couples and I believe it's good to have whatever group you want to go to but imagine this

person in your life you say you love the most

we've made a commitment to spend the rest of your life together but you keep your programs separate

now in that subject with the most important person in your life you're going to keep the most important thing in your life in the most important relationship people have in your life separate

regarding your nurturing got no hope of securing your first you know what I would love to have one day in a scene in our group in Santa Monica I would love to have a mate that I would ask if we could go through the work together

people is that if

that's the reason the majority your wife can't do that

that's right the most important person in my life that I want to spend the rest of my life would ensure the spiritual journey with the most relations most important relationship we both have which is with god we're not going to share some because I can't read that stuff to her

since when you keep talking over you keep having to make amends Fisher keeping that stuff from her and you know what sometimes you gotta get ours with people that are close in your life before you make a mess

and let the chips fall I had to do it not with distant people not with state relationships I had to go to some of the closest people in my life and say I lied to you about this I have no idea about this I didn't tell you about this I'll be back when you're ready to see to make amends because that's the truth

there it is

setting is this gonna hide behind amendment sixty four my father told me I can tell you this my sponsor told me I can't tell the most important person in my life this is for me I can't tell her this imagine a sponsored editing your mention this

every adventure sponsors told you not to make is another piece of freedom they're taking you away from to help you save six six independence and stuff on their own because they love collections babies that's what they call the California I never did

I got friends who can sell more the sponsor of this farm see anybody's working people answer that if you have to work with people so you're coming to this thing this weekend and your second market I do the same thing from fifteen years ago you're in big trouble

because we don't care anymore we hear about whether you live or die but not about being popular we were popular when we were trying to be popular

welcome

you want to get this resolved for you want to be

so I started for me I can't go back to the five major female relationships in my life you might as well as giving you a razor blades because they're probably the five most important unanswered you all's I heard a thing the other night a guy says I never make amends without going to my sponsor first

John this is only the very first if I was confused then maybe we would talk but he always wanted me to go that's all we are that's all we can be

foreigners that's all we are partners they call your go to guy six oh yes it is going to come for me I can't manage my own life I need a job go to god

China

hello yes you got two and a half minutes ready to go

Marc Lawrence is an obsessive

email for more

he was the new people as possible

before you start house

I know is that I know is a he's a master or

maybe next time you'll feel revitalized

all right

the devil machine I got to see your face to face I'm not going to work for one of those things

that's all I can