The 2nd Annual Young at Heart Roundup in Tampa, FL May 2nd

welcome June G.
hi my name is June I'm an alcoholic
hi I am I really wanna thank gene for inviting me to be here at your conference and and all of the committee for inviting me I am
I really love Florida it's got to a very special place in my heart and and that's mostly because of some very special people and I really want to thank John for coming all the way out here to us spend some time with me John's like a father to me and I got to come out here in January and help him and help him celebrate their sixtieth wedding anniversary in Florida
and Helen wasn't feeling well enough yesterday to come in on a really appreciate her letting John come him coming
I am
I also really want to think Kerry I have the privilege of sponsoring Kerry and I met her at the international convention in San Diego when she'll only have to be a month or two just a few months and
we've been able to share a lot of very very special thanks good and bad well over the years and
you know
when I came to the program about comics anonymous
there wasn't there wasn't anybody in my own city
that would drive across it to be with me
and US
the fact that I have two friends like John Kerry who will either flew or drove here to spend some time with me means a lot
I am I want to welcome those people who are new
and
I want to start by saying some of the things that I try to say anytime I'm asked to participate in a meeting with Alcoholics Anonymous
I am
I'm not an expert on Alcoholics Anonymous or on alcoholism or anything else that I'm certainly gonna be sharing about tonight at least and I'm just a member I'm gonna stand up here for a while and share with you is the big book suggests that we do a little bit about what it used to be like what happened and what it's like today
but it's really important that I am
make sure that you knew it know a few things there was a young
a meeting today that I really enjoyed that was lead by Jim about the traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous and I know many of you were able to be there I've been very fortunate I think in Alcoholics Anonymous because I was a
I got sober in a group that was very active and we had a lot of fun activities which I think is really important and wonderful but we also spent a lot of time in service work and I was lead into the traditions and let into general service work which is actually how John I first became such special friends long long time ago but I
I'm I'm so grateful that Alcoholics Anonymous has a set of traditions you know and in particular the the third tradition one that says that the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking and that Jim shared about some of the stories and some of the rules and conditions that they were originally considering and there's a whole list within the the twelve and twelve I and I've always I've often read that list and sometimes I read it in the course of giving a talk because it as I read that list I've always known that neither I nor any of my sponsors and certainly most of my friends would have ever been allowed in Alcoholics Anonymous if they'd used that list of requirements you know so I'm very glad that they kept it simple
but I am I also want to be sure particularly if you're new or if you are just in your early days in Alcoholics Anonymous because so many people today get here in so many different ways and I don't really think it matters how you get down colic synonymous it's just important that you get your **** because people do come in different ways I want to be very clear and make sure that you know that Alcoholics Anonymous is absolutely free Alcoholics Anonymous not been free I could not have come here had Alcoholics Anonymous not remain free I could not have stayed I was over ten years sober in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous before I could put a dollar in the basket and
and so this is not about money you know and that's really important I want to make sure that anybody who's new who may have come in for some other kind of a program knows that I also want you to know that I'm not paid to come up here and talk nor is anyone paid participates in a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous and that's important for a number of different reasons you know one because after the meeting when you're sitting in the coffee shop anything they had to pay her for that you know so there's you know there's always that element
but but more importantly it's because we're all just members in Alcoholics Anonymous and that's that's just as high as it goes you know
I am I live a life today that I never would have wanted
and I'm a person today that I wouldn't have even liked
when I came down to Alex anonymous and what fascinates me the most about that is that I'm the kind of person that was never happy
I was never happy
I wasn't happy before I started drinking I wasn't really happy during my drinking and I certainly wasn't happy when I came down colic synonymous and most of the time to date most of the time I'm happy and and so it's just been such a series of paradoxes the way that my life has unfolded
that it's also taught me that I really I just have no idea I just have no idea I have known what was going to work right for me or be happy for me I certainly don't know what might work or make you happy you know as we walk along this path and I've seen adventures and things happen in people's lives just beyond anything that I could have imagined and I've seen it happen in mine I am
I spoke at a meeting it's been a while now but twenty six and Broadway back in Santa Monica on near where I live and
within ten years ago now and I'm thinking I'm not sure exactly but a while and this guy came up to me afterwards to thank me for talking mainly because the sponsor was standing behind him and the
and he said you know I really want to thank you for sharing and he said I I I really like to talk and he said I don't believe it was your story but I like the way that you told
and I you know I I've never forgotten that because I thought
you know it's only and I think a place like Alcoholics Anonymous when we're new that we come here and we think are they probably make up stories sit around you know they come for years and years so that they can stand in front of I mean you know how could that happen you know but the main thing the main thing that that meant to me was that this was someone who was hearing my story
and who couldn't believe that I could have come from where I came from and I thought what a tribute to Alcoholics Anonymous because I want to assure you and there are actually a few people in this room today who can tell you that I looked like my story when I came down colic synonymous and no one doubted my story when I first walked through the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous and not for quite awhile afterwards so it's really a tribute to Alcoholics Anonymous that someone could actually wonder if I'd really come from the places that I talked about I'm a person who believes that I was born an alcoholic and I don't want to have a philosophical discussion with any of you about that after the meeting
it's something that I believe and I believe it because there was something wrong with me before I ever started drinking alcohol immediately worked for me
and you know it's much like I heard John sharing today you know I'm very grateful for alcohol and the chemicals that I mixed with it because I really believe I would've had been locked up in some kind of an institution I couldn't make it out there but anyway I I think there was something wrong with me before all of that on my first obsession in life was suicide and from the age that I can remember which is about five years old I began to try and cut my hands and fingers and wrists with razor blades I began to try and kill myself and all the different ways that I could think of doing happen till the time that I came through the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous I don't think that there were was a day that I didn't try and take my life pray to god that I was slowly slowly losing faith in
or
I put myself in a position where someone else was likely to take my life and that was really what I wanted you know I I thought about it in inventorying and there have definitely been sometimes when my suicide attempts were to get attention or to get my way but really overall as I look back up to and including today and I look back on those years I really wanted to die I really wanted out life just hurt way too much for me and I didn't want to go anywhere and I didn't want to be anything and I didn't want anything exciting to happen I just had already given up so long ago that you know I either have to assume that you've either experienced this or you haven't because I don't know how to describe it it was just the way that I was on in so for someone like me who always felt like that who never liked anything about myself not one single thing I didn't like being tall I don't like being skinny I don't wanna have curly red hair I didn't like my nose and like the color of my skin I didn't like you know the family that I was in I didn't like the town that I lived in I didn't like where I went to school I didn't like anything ever it all just heard way too much for me and I would have traded places it felt to me I wouldn't trade places with anybody you know anyone in the world just had to have it better or look better or feel better than me so for someone like me you can see why I would be very grateful to have found alcohol and what I found with it to mix it so that I didn't have to feel pain now given that I've told you that I I guess it won't surprise you when I tell you I I was not a social drinker
I've never had a social drink in my life nor did I ever want one who don't you know I don't think I I I know I've never not been drunk I'd never not overdosed it was really the only way that I I just thought that was just the only way and I didn't want to feel good and I know many of you have a lot of good party years and a lot of good times you know so that's certainly not true of everyone in Alcoholics Anonymous but for me I wasn't interested in feeling good I just wanted to not feel anything at all and I'm very grateful that I got a little bit of that relief during the years that I was out there drinking as a little kid
they you know they would ask me probably as they do every other kid you know would you want to be when you grow up and I told him I wanted to be a boy
it wasn't as easy to do back then as it is today
so while my family was very concerned that this was my answer and you know it can be and so we're looking back on it I know today that some of the reason for that was that before I came to the program Alcoholics Anonymous I don't ever remember seeing a man cry under any circumstances I've seen men shot I see them stabbed I've seen them arrested a senior wives leave my scene their kids overdose I've seen a lot of things happen I never saw a man cry under any of those circumstances I've seen the women in my life go through every one of those events that I've just mentioned some of them didn't cry but most of them did that one point or another there was a breaking point and so I looked at those two different groups of people and I decided immediately which one I wanted to be like and I spent my whole life before coming Alcoholics Anonymous trying to be that kind of a person the kind of person where nothing could make you cry where no one could hurt you and I suppose that that was important to me because of what Clancy talks about that for me I was one of those people who had no emotional insulation whatsoever just absolute strangers could look at me funny and it it would it would hurt in a way that I just can't even describe you know and I found for me that I would much rather you punch me in the face that hurt my feelings and I spent a lot of my life making sure that that was the way that I interacted with people you know is getting my face punched in a lot just you know right now I have something to say to everybody right there long before they could ever get close enough to hurt me or say anything to me emotionally but the problem was was that without alcohol I could not control those emotions and I could not control that pain or that fear or whatever it was and I found for myself that I my first memories were really I mean I've just realized I was not going to be able to be this person that I so badly wanted to be and I hated myself for it because I thought I was weak and in my life there's never been anything that I have been less tolerant of in anyone most of all myself then the things that I was to decide were weak anyway
right I am
I grew up in an area I grew up in a town called Venice in Los Angeles it's a beach town I grew up in an alcoholic home there was a lot of violence in my home there was a lot of broken promises in my home there are a lot of the same kind of things that go on in a lot of other alcoholic homes
I am a I did not see my mother's alcoholism as a disease I thought as a weakness and I've already told you how I felt about weakness so I don't want anything to do with anything like that getting near me and when I was you know this little kid and I found out that I couldn't be a boy I had to we had they had begun to take me to psychiatrists and psychologists because we were on welfare we were able to go see these people and you know I don't have any kind of diagnosis for you about what those professionals thought about why I tried to kill myself for why I hated myself so much or why I felt the way that I did because I I felt like those people much like my friend Patty Hicks always did I thought they should have to work for their money so I never answered one question I never filled out one form I never played with one doll I sat there the required fifty minutes and when they were done I got up and I left and so obviously they weren't able to help me in any way I am
I found for me that if I was going to be able to be a boy that the only option the only thing that seems like an option to me was to be a tough ride and I spend all my time for coming in Alcoholics Anonymous and good part of it afterwards trying to be what I thought of tough broad was in you know there were certain requirements I've learned you know in sobriety having met a lot of other tough broads that certain requirements can be geographical you know about that and there are definitely variations you know on the tough broad thing there are first of all there are make up wearing tough brides and non make up wearing tough broads
I was a non make up wearing tough broad because there wasn't any way I was ever gonna look in a mirror long enough to put make up on me so that that was not to part of me I having grown up in a beach town I've learned you know geographically from other tough broads in other parts of the country that is some of this had to do with the beach community it was very important that you have tough feet tough brides in beach communities have tough feat so one of my favorite things to do would be to stand with my gang smoking a cigarette and one touristy looking people looked at me I would throw my cigarette down on the sidewalk and put it out with my bare feet
and I would see the touristy people whisper back and forth to one another and I know what they're saying they're saying wow
Matt is one tough broad
I was very impressed you know that I can when I can show them the sights you know and again after I've been sober for a while my sponsor explained to me that perhaps what some of those people were saying was did you see that
that person just put flash to fire
why would anybody do anything so stupid
I didn't know there was another way of looking at it you know
I'm in being in a gang it was very important that you do a lot of fighting and I did
it's very important that I remember to tell you tonight that I've never won a fight in my life
but I never thought less than five people at a time
and my sponsor explained me after been sober for a while you know if you fight one person
and you lose people might say you're not a very good fire but if you always buy groups of five or more no one expects you to win
and they think maybe she's tough if that many people had a jumper you know so you can kind of get a reputation for yourself although your face is beating all the time you know so that was sort of the way I I worked that was that was my you know planning
anyway I ya
I in in hanging around my mom was in and out of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous for many many years when I was a kid in and out of Venice and so I I went to meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous or parts of them but it didn't seem that it would work very long you know my mom kept drinking and going back and forth and you know and whatever but my mom brought me to a a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous and that she can bring me because I asked for help and she can bring because I admitted having a problem and she can't bring me
for any reason really except that she's afraid if she left me alone I might get addicted from another apartment and
in that meeting that night the miracle of Alcoholics Anonymous began for me and it began for me because there was a guy in that meeting that I admired more than anybody else in the whole world you know if I had to tell you what I wanted out of life in one sentence when I came through the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous what I wanted was I wanted the ability to walk into a room full of strangers and have everyone there back away from me in terror
now when you're eighty seven pounds that almost never happens you know but that's kind of what I wanted out of life you know
and this guy that was their name Paul was actually drinking friend of my mother's and who drank in the really really tough bars for my mom drink you know in Venice was at that time was at that meeting and that
you know I've been in prison in the attic his knife with them at the meeting and he had you know written his motorcycle there and up you know I'd seen him drinking in the bars and he he had he had achieved everything that I wanted out of life you have the ability to clear rooms and tables when he had been drinking and so it made a huge impression on me that someone like that would be an A. A. E. and I didn't raise my hand because I wasn't an alcoholic and even if I had been I wouldn't have joined an organization that was allowing my mother to belong to it so I
you know I went to these I went to these meetings so for a couple of weeks not raising my hand
and the
I spend sometime talking to Paul he was the only person that I was willing to talk with in those couple of weeks because I don't like anybody else I I didn't you know I don't like anybody you know like me and like emails but I was willing to talk to Paul because he was so cool and I explained to him you know when he would listen I was an alcoholic that I could possibly be an alcoholic that was far too young to be now it wasn't anything like my mother who was an alcoholic and he knew what an alcoholic my mother was because they drink in the same bars you know and I was just not alcoholic and he said to me you know June I'm pretty new in the say a thing and they told me I can't diagnose anybody's disease but my own
but in your case I'm gonna make an exception
is that I've seen the way do you drink and I've seen the way that you take chemicals I happen to believe if you don't come into a program like this and take with these people have to offer you within a period of six months or less you're gonna be on the streets are gonna be shooting stuff you gonna be selling your house and I knew he wasn't trying like to scare me you know like a high school teacher who baby make something up that they read in a book or something he was just talking about facts he was talking about things that happened and we're beginning to happen in my life and I thought a little bit about what he said but I did not want to join Alcoholics Anonymous I didn't think it could be that bad yet and yet in that two week period of time absolutely every alternative but Alcoholics Anonymous was removed from my life by the time I got to the problem of Alcoholics Anonymous the only person that I hated more than my mother was myself and I hated myself so much that I can't even describe it to you I really don't believe that I could have gone on breathing in and out anymore you know out there on the streets hating myself anymore than I did by the time I came in here but I hated my mother you know for everything that it ever gone wrong in my life and take it from me the short version a lot has gone wrong and and I was very angry and I was filled with hatred and hostility and I was violent and I used to attack my mother and other than fighting back you know she didn't really do that much about it except for now she was sober and she don't think she had to be attacked anymore and she asked me to leave her apartment and I did the rest of my family had not spoken to me in a couple of years and I was not able to call or go by and I didn't bother I had been in a lot of foster homes I had been thrown out of all of them were taken out of them I wasn't allowed to go back to any of those I tried to get into some drug rehab and alcohol recovery homes that were in the LA area at that time there were not that many but there were some none of them would take me some because my agent some just because my attitude I tried to get into a program back then that most of you may not remember but it was a program called Sinan and they were absolutely desperate for membership at the time and they wouldn't take me either so it's starting to look pretty bad
and then I thought well you know what who cares who cares about these programs and you know these families and you know all that because none of that really matters if you're tough brought the only thing that counts the only thing that's important the only thing that matters is your game and then one day as I walk down an alley all five members of my own gang beat me up
and I found myself sitting in a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous and I was eighty seven pounds and I had a black eye and I had a small lip and I had no shoes when worn shoes if I had them I had no place to live I had no family I had no money and I raise my hand and meeting Bangkok's nana missing you know you could see what was kind of simple it wasn't like would you like to go to Hawaii or join a a you know it was a much clearer you know kind of a thing
I know to do that when I raise my hand and that meetings I know that there were people there who did not know about the traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous again once again the third tradition and the reason I know that they did not know that about that tradition is because they are some of these people in that meeting who had known my mother from being in and out of that program and who knew who I was knew how old I was and they came over to me after the meeting and they told me I was too young to be an alcoholic and they tell me they don't want to kids sitting in their meeting while they talked about serious things and they told me if I came back to get together and asked me to leave and I didn't know that Alcoholics Anonymous had a set of traditions at that time I just figured I eight didn't want me either and I was okay with me because I don't want me either and I had it for a long long time and I fell back on my number one answer the answer I'd been using since I was five years old one over to a friend of my mother's house I went into her bathroom which is the first place I went to anyone's house I ever went into and I found another of the kind of pills to kill myself and I took enough of them to do it one more time and then that day
before I passed out I went to a noon meeting about colic synonymous now I don't know about the meetings here in Tampa but in West Los Angeles where I got sober they almost never called on people to share who were laying in the meeting I which is all that I was capable of but they did call on me and they recognize that I needed to be in a hospital and that was where I came to Paul took me to that hospital and I I came to the doctor explained to me that the pills I had taken her to slow down my heart and they gave me medication to make me throw up or whatever they didn't tell me that had I been there five or ten minutes later I would've been in a coma that they probably could have brought me out of tonight I really can't tell you why that overdose was any different than all the other overdoses that I'd inflicted upon myself to just west because since that time one day at a time I haven't taken anything that affects me from the neck up that's how I personally define sobriety I've done that one day at a time the thirteenth of July of last year I celebrated thirty continuous years of sobriety in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous
no it's it's really important to me
that the new people know that I never planned on staying thirty years
you know cancer like what John was saying this more this more this afternoon you know when the doctor was warning me might not live to thirty if he didn't stop it you know I
if they don't ask me in the early days of Alcoholics Anonymous if I wanted to live for thirty more years I would have checked the no box
you know I'm not one of the people that stayed in Alcoholics Anonymous because I was afraid if I went back on the streets I might die I tried to die as long and as hard as I could out there I stayed in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous because I was afraid I could go back out there and live the way that I was living and I couldn't do that anymore hating myself anymore than I already did
you know
when I came in the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous and it may not surprise you that match but I had a bad attitude
I am
I didn't like me I don't like my mother
I figured out any other women around here were you know alcoholics and like one of the two of us or whatever but I didn't like them and so I don't like sitting next to women I am like shaking hands with women I most certainly did not have women and I don't like listening to women speakers which is something that always makes me feel better because I know there's never as many people listening to me as it looks like
most of the men that I have known in my life for alcoholic and they were extremely violent and I figured they were men here and there obviously alcoholic or they wouldn't be here and I wanted to do with them either and so I had a problem because in July of nineteen seventy two when I came to Alcoholics Anonymous all we had were men and women and I don't like any of them
but I went to twenty one meetings a week anyway every week for at least the first two to three two and a half to three years of my sobriety and and I had a commitment at most of those meetings I also had my attitude I didn't wear shoes most of the first two years that I was server I am I smoked three packs of cigarettes a day when I got to the program I let all of them myself casually someone would hold a match and I let him hold as long as they light but they never let my cigarette with it
most of the time I didn't take rides from people in A. I. either walked or hitchhiked somehow that was different I guess than getting a ride from someone that I knew you know
if I had enough money I take a bus
I wore motorcycle chains on my wrists and my ankles I had a jacket on the backs to do when the others and then split it was my own spiritual philosophy
after I'd been sober short free time I took up smoking cigars and then you know later a pipe
I had a very limited vocabulary when I came to eight consisted almost solely of profanity there were a few exceptions the and mother
and I found a lot of people in Alcoholics Anonymous were very offended by the type of words that I use and so I tried to use it more when they got near me and what I wanna let you know is if you choose to act that way and dressed that way and smoke that way you too can sit in the meeting pretty close to the size really have an entire row all to yourself
I mean just to give you an idea my home group today is the Thursday night Brent wood workshop
and
when I was
nineteen years I was nineteen years sober
the steering committee asked me to be secretary of my home group
and that after one of the first meetings you know that I have done had shared
one of my first sponsors drove out from the valley he came up to me after thirty one outside of the core cards and he said I heard a rumor in the valley that they may use secretary of this meeting and I had to come and see if it was true because really in in my early years of sobriety no one thought that I was going to be secretary of anything you know made me think I was going to keep coming back really but I did and I'm very grateful to the old timers who tolerated me and the way that I was when I came back because it's not us
you know I can remember one of my commitments was at the Tuesday night Westwood two plus two meeting I was the greeter I would stand there barefoot my cigars motorcycle jacket chains welcoming the newcomers as they came to a a
I shake hands with them and they walk by and hear their sponsors whispers you know if you keep drinking you can end up like that
when I got to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous people we're guessing my aged thirty seven
and I was thirteen at the time
and I'll tell you I just celebrated my birthday just couple weeks ago I'm forty four and I feel at least a thousand years younger
then I did when I walk through the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous I was so old
when I came to a and I was old for so long here I don't know when it's going to catch back up with me but I'll feel that way again I don't know
but I do think that feeling would ever go away
a high I got very active in my home group at the time was the Monday night Venice group
and it was you know a great meeting and as I said we did a lot of that service working we learned about loners and you know general service in the traditions that we traveled around we took group so we went all over and you know went to meetings all over and I was just so lucky you know
but you know I
I really didn't think
it wasn't exactly the I didn't think it would work for me I just I just wasn't sure it would work the way it worked for these other people that I heard sharing
but there was so much hope here in Alcoholics Anonymous and the people who were here the old timers they had
so much you know so much hope and so much to share that I I really thought that maybe maybe if I went to these meetings for years and years not that I ever you know
I wanna be who I was or look at myself you know and feel beautiful or
you know walk on the sunny side of the street like some of them I don't think that could happen but there was enough hope here that I did believe that someday if I went walking down the street I happened to glance at one of those storefront windows and see myself looking back maybe I wouldn't feel like throwing up at what I saw looking back and that was enough hope to keep me coming to meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous and you know the the feelings of self hatred that I had for myself they did not go away when I took my thirty day chip for you know really for quite a long time I I wish I had a more hopeful message you know I don't think that it's true for everyone that it takes that long and I think that some of it did have to do you know with self obsession and I heard someone not that long ago my home group and they were saying that you know an ego maniac because I never really identified with that you know the Cline never thought that was full of myself you know wasn't ego maniac I never thought I was better than anybody or you know anything else but they were saying you know ego maniac is really it's not necessarily someone who thinks well of themselves it's not even someone who thinks often of themselves it's simply someone who thinks only of them so
I thought well that would definitely be me you know
R. I am
I also I had a bad attitude about
people
in AA who I didn't feel have suffered like I suffered so I was one of the worst forms of snob to ever have arrived in Alcoholics Anonymous
because I had a lot of judgments I had a lot of things you know like if you had a mother and a father yes you can come from where I came from and you don't easy life that was my feeling if you had a car we don't have a car you know I mean it was like I could cross everybody off my list for you know as far as the pain quotient and I always won you know I really just didn't think you know and then there were people you know and they had like money off yeah right you know like they had pain you know so it was it was really easy for me to get myself into this little tiny group and yet it talks about in the book
we are people who normally would not mix
and I cannot ever think about wine without thinking of my first sponsor Gail Wilson and Gail became my sponsor and it was a woman now that's a big thing right there in and of itself this is a fascinating thing to me how this came about but you know when I went to these twenty one meetings a week it seemed as though a woman named Gaeltacht at about eighteen times a week
so I thought to myself I thought maybe if I ask her to be my sponsor I can find out ahead of time where she's speaking and I wanted to go here for all the time so that was sort of that's what motivated me to get her from my sponsor
but gala nine
you know we were so different first of all she was three times my age
she was a very successful business woman should come from a loving family in the south
I mean really she
she not only did not use the same language that I used she didn't know what most of the words I was using meant
and as if all that wasn't bad enough which I felt that it was really she had actually been seen in public on numerous occasions wearing pink okay something that I did not even sit in a row if someone was wearing pink for at least ten years you know we did not get anywhere near the pink thing so
and you know I would see Gail and her home group at the time was the Thursday night Brent would group which I hated I had to go because it was her home group I hated that meeting on the one that I became secretary of nineteen years later but anyway
and I would see Gail at the meeting and she would say now June don't sit next to me at the meeting tonight I can't take the cigar smoke
and then I turned white when she's in not only that please don't tell anyone that online in your sponsor
and you know that was fine with me because you know I don't even know I was hanging out with someone as lame as she was you know we'd sort of meet secretly you know after meetings
and talk about a a
anyway I gotta
I remember you know the first time I talked to my home group the Monday night then this group I gave I was asked to give a twenty minute talk I think was about nine months or years sober and when I finish talking to secretary came over to me after the meeting he said if I wanted to hear your mother's story I would have asked her to talk you know and I was still so wrapped up in what my mama did and then she did this to me and then she did this and then they did this and you know that whole thing and so it's really been a very slow process for me I'm going ahead and seeing you know how these steps apply to my life you know and and it's just been fascinating you know I am I came here I have a seventh grade education I was not able to read any longer I had known how to read but I could not read I shouldn't say it exactly that way I could read words but I could not hold all the words in one sentence and have them make sense at the end of reading this sentence
I had a very difficult time reading the literature in a reading anything you know my brain just would not work that well and I didn't know if it was ever going to get any better you know and I just didn't know it but I just kept coming to meetings anyway and I just kept keeping my commitments and up and staying active you know and you know we were talking a little bit about you know I had the privilege of getting to go to the international convention in Denver and I was about three years sober and I stayed on a whole timers Florida hotel room and I got to stay with Merion Chapman I I went out there and
you know I when I was there I ended up running into a group of us forty three people who were there from New Zealand
and I spent that whole weekend with all these people from New Zealand and you know when I got sober
in why I had run away once from Venice in my life and I've made it to Culver city which is six miles east of Venice that was about as far as I had gone in my life anyway and you know and here I was of in Denver and hanging out these people from New Zealand and I was thinking about this just the other day because that was in July
and that year in December
I got to Christmas cards from New Zealand
I still wasn't getting Christmas cards from my own family you know because there'd been a lot of damage there and it took a really long time to heal it but I got these Christmas cards you know from these people in New Zealand and I was just just an amazing thing you know that people who would normally not mix you know I am
when I was a couple years so right aside to go to school at night I was working on I had a lot of jobs and I had the kind of jobs that you can get with the seventh grade education and that's all my sponsors told me I was going to continue to have unless I was going to do some footwork and I wasn't for a long time but I went ahead I took this class I went to school actually does I can get that driving class because I wanted eventually get a license that's what motivated me and I while I was there I signed up for what they call the dummy English class and that's what they call it you know you want demi English it's like yeah that's me I mean let's you know I thought maybe I could learn to read again and I signed up for that class and and I finished those first two classes and those two classes that I finish those were the first things that I had ever
shown up four and finished in my life and I have learned that in Alcoholics Anonymous I had learned how to show up and stay and finish something and I I finish those classes I decided to take a couple other classes and get taken some other classes and a few years later they called me into the school and they told me that I completed all the requirements for what they called an eighty eight degrees
and I thought that was a nice name for a degree you know I never wanted a college degree I wasn't that wasn't on my list you know but but I was really amazed you know that I had finished all those requirements and I I did graduate from the City College and I went ahead and I did some other foot work and I was accepted to some colleges and I chose one and I went ahead and I continue to college and I continue to work full time
and were multiple jobs you know in order to do that and continue to show up and stayed active in general service and in my home group and I I end up graduating a few years later from college and and I come up with the stream along the way and so I went ahead and I did the foot work for this dream that I had and I got a telegram
hello my goodness let's see I think it's been
almost twenty years ago now telling me that I'd been chosen as one of three hundred out of three thousand applicants to go to law school and I'll tell ya I had always planned on spending a lot of time in court I
but never on that side of the table and you know and
and I was able to go on and that and go to law school and to show up and I was very scared and it was very very hard and it was hard Alexa Lee but that wasn't the hardest part you know it was still like I still have a lot of spiritual lessons and up and I'm very very grateful I think I learned a lot of really good spiritual lessons there because it was there that I really began to see
that I was one of god's kids I wasn't any better than anybody else running less than anybody else and even though some of these kids and people you know I'd come from a lot of different backgrounds far different than mine it didn't necessarily mean that they were better or that I was better or you know anything else you know and I just kind of got into just being one of god's kids for the most part and it's been a lesson that I constantly need to remind myself of when I'm out there in the world still just to make me trying to be you know comfortable and in in where I am you know when I don't need to be special or different or unique in that way anyway I I kept showing up and and doing the best I could
I was scheduled to graduate in may of nineteen eighty three
and
in January well actually in February of nineteen eighty three it became very clear that my sponsor Gail Wilson was dying of cancer at forty eight years old
and is that a lot of time with Gayle and that last couple of months before I graduated in
she was she was very second she's a lot of pain and so you know she was in the hospital almost continually from February to April and I would I would be in the hospital and these nurses were you know constantly coming in and out and that Gail never did not stop whoever these people were
a walking sticks using skis nurse Smith R. Smith I want you to meet Juni
since June he is like a daughter to me and she's going to be a lawyer and I think you know this is the same woman who used to say don't sit next to me at the meeting and don't tell anyone that I am your sponsor you know
and that in dealing I talked about that we talked about you know how that could be that she would be doing this now and why it was so different we know back then
and you know she said you know
dealt with me she said should I never believed in June I never believed it
she said when you asked me to be your sponsor I said yes because I had been taught to sit but I knew you were gonna make it sign in with your background and your attitude you were going absolutely nowhere
and she said and you know I just was amazed that you hung around as long as you did she said you know in those early years but she said I still I never really thought you're gonna make it's the number you call me one day and he said Hey Gail I'm a take a class over the City College she said I knew you'd never finish you haven't finished anything yet and held the job for you know more in a week in a row I mean you couldn't do anything other than your A. A. commitments which the biasing using
instead the number you took a few more classes and then you call me up and you said Hey Gail
I think I want to be a lawyer she said I had to force myself not to laugh out loud you can do that
that was eight years a school you know is that it just couldn't happen to find say anything and we talked about why she hadn't said anything and even though Gayle never believed in June or the June could accomplish anything
Gail always believe in Alcoholics Anonymous
because you've seen incredible things happen here the people that you would never think that could happen to
and that's why she didn't say anything you know Gail did she passed away in April of that year I graduated from law school in may of that year
when you graduate from law school just in case some of you don't know this because I really didn't know any of this in order to practice law you have to take an exam called the bar exam and the
so I I studied really hard and I worked really really hard I stayed active in
hi to stay spiritually fit and you know do my stuff and go to my meetings I did all my studying and
I took this test in July of nineteen eighty three
and I got a telegram in November of nineteen eighty three and it told me I did not pass
the bar exam and I could not practice law and I have absolutely could not believe it
I was ten years sober in Alcoholics Anonymous
I had it was the end of November it was like the day before thanksgiving
I had enough money in my bank account to pay my rent on December first and that was it I couldn't buy peanut butter I couldn't buy potatoes I couldn't put a dollar in the basket was supposed to speak at a meeting that night and I wasn't sure I had enough gas I couldn't get a job because of that I owed student loans that we're going to begin to start coming due
and I I can't even tell you how much I don't want to speak at that meeting that night
I just can't even tell you and
I called one of my best friends in Alcoholics Anonymous I called Mike and I told him I got talk at this meeting he said I'll be there I have no idea what I said at that meeting that night I did not want to be there but I showed up and then we went out to coffee Mike and I after the meeting
and we talked special to the telegram
my so you know what that means
he said what I said you know it means this was ridiculous what the hell was I thinking up you know I'm from Venice I mean I got this crazy idea probably from some a a meeting that I was going to go be a lawyer you know I mean it was insane they're all laughing at me I mean I I fooled myself I can't believe I was here this was ridiculous I said you know this telegram shows that it is not god's will I am a waitress I'm supposed to be a waitress that was as high as I should have been shooting I got to stop and he says well let me see that telegram
and he said well I think this telegram says you're supposed to take the test again I said no it's not that's not what it says you know I don't about you guys but you know if you ever have these conversations with your sponsor you know where like I can remember you know your it's sort of like you
they just don't get it you know they're very slow
I can remember in the early months of my sobriety I call my sponsor and I'd say you know my rent is due and I don't have enough money and they'd say you go to a meeting
it
okay maybe I spoke a little too fast let me let me go over it for you one more time
my rants I know you don't have ranch because you own everything but some of us you know we have brands
and it's due that means we have to pay it and by the way you know my landlords not in eighty eight you know I mean they want their money you know and I don't have any money you know and they said go to a meeting you know
and it it's sort of like if you walked up to someone and you said what time is it on the go it's a horse you know
this is not helping you know I I'm just not getting it and it was that kind of a conversation you know that I have with my he said
I think you're supposed to take the test again I said like I owe all this money I have no money I can't even you know I can only pay my rent and I all the student loans and goes well once you borrow more
I'm all right you know
I went ahead and I signed up to take the test again I borrowed some more money and take it and you know right around then I got
I just thought of this I got a twelve step call from central office
who wouldn't pick this woman up
we went to a meeting she was kind of drunk keep when we went to the meeting and how that can happen but after the me by telling me was over she was kind of sobered up and we went back to my place my apartment right paid last month rent I had you know and we're sitting there and and she was crying and she said
I don't know
I said I don't either
I don't know
just like how long even summer it's like ten years but really it's a good program and
you know most people are doing a lot better by now you know this is
anyway so I mean again I took the test again
the study really really hard got a different kind of job you know to them I bet I could get and took the test again
in February of that following year and and I received a telegram in June are telling me that I had but I had passed the exam that I be allowed to practice law in the state of California and you know I I would love to tell you that I had you know that spiritually I felt the same way about both telegrams but really I felt a lot closer to you know I thought the program was working a lot better at telegram I read you know anyway IBM and I was able to get a job that I love very very much and a job where I believe I am able to be of service and
and a job where I see people
who were members of Alcoholics Anonymous and aren't anymore
and the places that that we end up going sometimes when that happens for people who never got a chance to get here I'm so it's a it's a been a fabulous job for me and you know after I had done that job for about
I think for five years they call me in the office some of my bosses and a
and they said we want you to be a trainer
we want you to help and teach the lawyers because we love your attitude
who ever thought I'd get a job from this out of my attitude you know it's just it's really it's really unbelievable so anyway and so I was able to do that for a while and you know
when I got to the program I was single
and you know I think if you're thirteen that that is an excellent idea to
but at the time I I really wasn't sure that was a good thing and and you know I I got some bad news for you if you are single it was bad news for me anyway and that is that you're probably going to have to date
now I have always hated dating I would much rather fall in love and usually I would I just follow up on the way the coffee pot and then if he came to me in the next I was someone else I thought he was being unfaithful you know when I call my sponsor and write about it and I could just do a whole thing you know
and you know I don't know about here in Tampa but enough in west LA we have a lot of eight dates and that's where someone asks you out and they take you to a meeting where else would you go you know then after the Meanie go to copy you talk about the meeting and then they take you home by then you don't know whether to kiss him goodnight or say the lord's prayer you know
and now
I can remember I was on one of these dates one night we were at the copy stage of our day he said I really like you thank you so I really I really like you a lot I think you really nice thank you so but I like your girlfriend at the next table better do you mind if I go sit with her and he did and I went home and I thought things through
which is one of those times where my sponsors have taught me over the years that I've never yet had a problem that has been as bad as my solution for it but I
I thought it through I came up with the only answer I went down the next morning and I tried to join the United States Air Force and they wouldn't take me so then I called my sponsor which is kind of pretty much what I recommend you go to the Air Force if they won't take you then you might want to call your sponsor in
anyway I am
when I was in law school I was asked out on a date and I I really wasn't sure because he had never been in prison you don't have any tattoos and I just didn't know if it could work you know with that kind of a background to you know but we ended up we did end up going out and we went out for a while and in nineteen eighty eight
we decided to get married
and you know I had been so we're fifteen years by the time that I got married
and when I got married I wore shoes by the way just in case anybody was wondering and Donna I spent quite a few hours picking out the right ones too but
when I got married
every member of my family either drove or bought an airline ticket or did something in order to be there
and one of the members of my family my uncle gave me away at that wedding
and the
that could not have happened
you know in the early years of my sobriety
because it was such a long healing process
two members of my family came
another country that it never met me to represent my grandparents
and that could not have happened given that the ones who knew me weren't speaking to me you know in the early years of my sobriety
I am
and as I walked down there to get married
I don't want to be wearing anybody else's stress
I wanted to have curly hair and I want to be tall and I want to be skinny and I wanted to be from Venice and I wanted to have the alcoholic mom that I had had and the life that I have had because I knew that all of that took me to where I was right there on that day and I would trade places with anyone
and I think it would be wonderful if I could tell you that all the time it's like that it's still not
not quite but most of the time
almost always I wouldn't trade places with anyone for the places that I am and that I have in the things that I have in my life today
you know in the area I was thinking all of a sudden in the first thirty days that I was sober
I got to hear civil Corwin talk at that two plus two meeting
and she stood up there and she said she had forty two years then I think thirty two sorry she had thirty two years of that when I had thirty days had thirty two years first woman's over west of the Mississippi
you're standing up there and she said you know my life is wonderful I have a fabulous life I'm happy I love everything about my life and she said if I could give it to you I wouldn't
I thought god what's wrong with her you know that was sort of a trick in being
but I mean if she could you know I mean I just don't you know I can understand she can't but she could I mean this you know how much trouble I mean I you know I've you know I've barely made it back to retire because I was thinking to me but anyway
and she said you know I wouldn't because I wouldn't rob you of the journey
you know and it really is it's so amazing you know this journey that we have and that doesn't mean that there are bumps and hills and volcanoes
all kinds of things you know along our journeys
I am when we are
one week after we had been married for a while
we we thought we'd like to have the baby
I'm I was by the time I got to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous in that first year to that I was sober I was in the hospital many many times I didn't have insurance but I was hospitalized for a number of hemorrhaging problems in very serious problems and from the time that I was fifteen on the doctors tell me I needed a hysterectomy but I didn't have insurance and no one would do one anyway because I was too young but they said I just done so much damage to my body that they just there was just anyway they were gonna be able to fix anything and so I am I didn't think that I would ever be able to have a child but I did get pregnant and
I had a little girl after I'd had a couple of miscarriages but I did I had a little girl and in nineteen ninety one and about six months later when I had gone to the doctor because I had a very bad case of the flu she explained to me that I was pregnant again
and the call those Irish twins they told me and and I had another little daughter named Jessica and I and I I had another miscarriage after that but later I had another little daughter named Casey and and I have these three little girls you know and I it really when I first found out I was having a girl I was terrified because I mean I don't even want to be a girl so I was like thirty you know I thought what you know I don't know ribbons you know I'd make up I I don't know you know I never figured out whether at the heart shaped face I mean I just don't know that stuff you know
but I also
you know I thought that was another one of those things that you know I could never have happened earlier you know in my life earlier in my sobriety you know because there wasn't anything about me
but I would have ever in those early years of sobriety or before taking a chance on passing on to anybody because I hated everything about me I don't think there was anything good about me and I think there was anything worth saving about me and so I would never ever
and I was very careful to make sure I never took a chance on passing when I was on to someone else you know and by the time I had these kids I don't feel that way you know people would say you know gosh look so much like you I mean those who have been fighting words for me in the early years nice writing on I can say thank you I know she's really cute she didn't get curly hair but she'll be alright you know and then you tell you a couple little stories about my kids nama sit down I
when not after when we were having our third
child we needed we needed to move on we're gonna get a little bit bigger house but at this house I've never had a house before and we had this house and the house was was cute you know it's nice the house but he had a tree damage free person I don't know exactly why but you know maybe it's the Irish in me you know the land I had this tree and it was a forty five year old tree in my backyard and I just loved this tree and not and so we were going to have to be we were moving and so I guess having to move from my tree and I was outside
by the tree one day and I was kind of crying since leaving my tree and dot and my little four year old daughter said mommy why are you crying and I said you know because honestly sad I I really love the street you know at night we're not gonna have that street we don't have any tree you know white tree and
and she said well she said you know maybe it's time for another family to have a turn to have a tree you don't you think gosh I should probably ask her to be my sponsor
I never thought of that
all all right you know
but it's my treat but anyway
you know I read different kinds of
spiritual literature I I really like stories
just sort of a story person that works better for me I can't remember people's names very well but you know if you tell me that the Doberman to drink vodka I usually remember you know that's sort of how I am so I read these little you know spiritual literature things and sometimes their little stories
I read this one story in the morning and I can't even tell you exactly you know where I got it from but anyway some little meditation book and it was a story about Gandhi
and Gandhi was with the group and he had just given some kind of talk I think and he was traveling by train to someplace else
and as he was traveling he was they were running late
and so they had to run to catch this train I mean the train was literally moving and they had to jump on the train but as he jumped on the train one of his shoes came off and fell
and so soon as he got up on the train he took off his other shoe and he threw it out there and one of his followers said
you do that
and he said because if a person came along and they found one shoe it would be of no value to them
but at least this way if they came along they would find a pair and maybe someone could put them to use well I you know I thought of this and I thought you know what an incredible spiritual idea you know but I
I can't even tell you when I lose an earring
I mean I know where it's gonna be here somewhere we're tearing everything out of the doors light or when I dropped and I mean I can't even think of dropping the other hearing because I might find the first hearing I mean I had so I just thought about this I mean I think this comes up for me I think about that I think strongly that other sandal you know I mean I'm thinking maybe I could buy one more at the store I mean you know it's just not
Anna and I never really I don't think I ever share that story with anybody ever but it really just it was something I should have thought about so many times and I've got three years ago came out of school with my middle daughter we were running to my truck and she's climbing up the your little runner board to get in the truck and
and she says mom
I lost my shoes and I said what would you suggest and I came around and I looked and sure enough you were right by a gutter
and she would come off you know just falling off and it it's all in the gutter and you couldn't see it it was like way down there you can even see it
and I got
she said should I throw the other one down
oh my god I'm raising you know
stuff happens you know I I don't know where she came up with
anyway I
I live a life that I never would have wanted you know and I am a person that I wouldn't even want
and I have so much fun I actually sometimes experience a fear of dying
which is so weird for someone like me who had spent so many years wanting to die and to get out there so many things that I want to see and I want to do and people I want to meet and spend time with you know and I just I don't know how that happened I came down comics anonymous I don't have any dreams I don't want to do anything I don't want to go anywhere I don't want to be anyone you know and I went to the lots and lots of these meetings
and they help me find some dreams and then people like you helped make them come true
you know there's a speaker that for me has always been very very special and I strongly recommend that you get a tape if you happen to
already ever heard him into it in Los Angeles you know he was from there and his name is norm LP and every time I ever heard norm out be sharing a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous I wanted to join a and then I remember that I already was a member I wouldn't be in there you know
but he had so much enthusiasm and he was just very very special to me you know the way that he talked about a one of the things that normal was said was he would say you know but for the grace of god rooms like this and people like you I could have missed it all thanks for not letting me