The 2nd Annual Young at Heart Roundup in Tampa, FL May 2nd
welcome
June
G.
hi
my
name
is
June
I'm
an
alcoholic
hi
I
am
I
really
wanna
thank
gene
for
inviting
me
to
be
here
at
your
conference
and
and
all
of
the
committee
for
inviting
me
I
am
I
really
love
Florida
it's
got
to
a
very
special
place
in
my
heart
and
and
that's
mostly
because
of
some
very
special
people
and
I
really
want
to
thank
John
for
coming
all
the
way
out
here
to
us
spend
some
time
with
me
John's
like
a
father
to
me
and
I
got
to
come
out
here
in
January
and
help
him
and
help
him
celebrate
their
sixtieth
wedding
anniversary
in
Florida
and
Helen
wasn't
feeling
well
enough
yesterday
to
come
in
on
a
really
appreciate
her
letting
John
come
him
coming
I
am
I
also
really
want
to
think
Kerry
I
have
the
privilege
of
sponsoring
Kerry
and
I
met
her
at
the
international
convention
in
San
Diego
when
she'll
only
have
to
be
a
month
or
two
just
a
few
months
and
we've
been
able
to
share
a
lot
of
very
very
special
thanks
good
and
bad
well
over
the
years
and
you
know
when
I
came
to
the
program
about
comics
anonymous
there
wasn't
there
wasn't
anybody
in
my
own
city
that
would
drive
across
it
to
be
with
me
and
US
the
fact
that
I
have
two
friends
like
John
Kerry
who
will
either
flew
or
drove
here
to
spend
some
time
with
me
means
a
lot
I
am
I
want
to
welcome
those
people
who
are
new
and
I
want
to
start
by
saying
some
of
the
things
that
I
try
to
say
anytime
I'm
asked
to
participate
in
a
meeting
with
Alcoholics
Anonymous
I
am
I'm
not
an
expert
on
Alcoholics
Anonymous
or
on
alcoholism
or
anything
else
that
I'm
certainly
gonna
be
sharing
about
tonight
at
least
and
I'm
just
a
member
I'm
gonna
stand
up
here
for
a
while
and
share
with
you
is
the
big
book
suggests
that
we
do
a
little
bit
about
what
it
used
to
be
like
what
happened
and
what
it's
like
today
but
it's
really
important
that
I
am
make
sure
that
you
knew
it
know
a
few
things
there
was
a
young
a
meeting
today
that
I
really
enjoyed
that
was
lead
by
Jim
about
the
traditions
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
and
I
know
many
of
you
were
able
to
be
there
I've
been
very
fortunate
I
think
in
Alcoholics
Anonymous
because
I
was
a
I
got
sober
in
a
group
that
was
very
active
and
we
had
a
lot
of
fun
activities
which
I
think
is
really
important
and
wonderful
but
we
also
spent
a
lot
of
time
in
service
work
and
I
was
lead
into
the
traditions
and
let
into
general
service
work
which
is
actually
how
John
I
first
became
such
special
friends
long
long
time
ago
but
I
I'm
I'm
so
grateful
that
Alcoholics
Anonymous
has
a
set
of
traditions
you
know
and
in
particular
the
the
third
tradition
one
that
says
that
the
only
requirement
for
membership
is
a
desire
to
stop
drinking
and
that
Jim
shared
about
some
of
the
stories
and
some
of
the
rules
and
conditions
that
they
were
originally
considering
and
there's
a
whole
list
within
the
the
twelve
and
twelve
I
and
I've
always
I've
often
read
that
list
and
sometimes
I
read
it
in
the
course
of
giving
a
talk
because
it
as
I
read
that
list
I've
always
known
that
neither
I
nor
any
of
my
sponsors
and
certainly
most
of
my
friends
would
have
ever
been
allowed
in
Alcoholics
Anonymous
if
they'd
used
that
list
of
requirements
you
know
so
I'm
very
glad
that
they
kept
it
simple
but
I
am
I
also
want
to
be
sure
particularly
if
you're
new
or
if
you
are
just
in
your
early
days
in
Alcoholics
Anonymous
because
so
many
people
today
get
here
in
so
many
different
ways
and
I
don't
really
think
it
matters
how
you
get
down
colic
synonymous
it's
just
important
that
you
get
your
****
because
people
do
come
in
different
ways
I
want
to
be
very
clear
and
make
sure
that
you
know
that
Alcoholics
Anonymous
is
absolutely
free
Alcoholics
Anonymous
not
been
free
I
could
not
have
come
here
had
Alcoholics
Anonymous
not
remain
free
I
could
not
have
stayed
I
was
over
ten
years
sober
in
the
program
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
before
I
could
put
a
dollar
in
the
basket
and
and
so
this
is
not
about
money
you
know
and
that's
really
important
I
want
to
make
sure
that
anybody
who's
new
who
may
have
come
in
for
some
other
kind
of
a
program
knows
that
I
also
want
you
to
know
that
I'm
not
paid
to
come
up
here
and
talk
nor
is
anyone
paid
participates
in
a
meeting
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
and
that's
important
for
a
number
of
different
reasons
you
know
one
because
after
the
meeting
when
you're
sitting
in
the
coffee
shop
anything
they
had
to
pay
her
for
that
you
know
so
there's
you
know
there's
always
that
element
but
but
more
importantly
it's
because
we're
all
just
members
in
Alcoholics
Anonymous
and
that's
that's
just
as
high
as
it
goes
you
know
I
am
I
live
a
life
today
that
I
never
would
have
wanted
and
I'm
a
person
today
that
I
wouldn't
have
even
liked
when
I
came
down
to
Alex
anonymous
and
what
fascinates
me
the
most
about
that
is
that
I'm
the
kind
of
person
that
was
never
happy
I
was
never
happy
I
wasn't
happy
before
I
started
drinking
I
wasn't
really
happy
during
my
drinking
and
I
certainly
wasn't
happy
when
I
came
down
colic
synonymous
and
most
of
the
time
to
date
most
of
the
time
I'm
happy
and
and
so
it's
just
been
such
a
series
of
paradoxes
the
way
that
my
life
has
unfolded
that
it's
also
taught
me
that
I
really
I
just
have
no
idea
I
just
have
no
idea
I
have
known
what
was
going
to
work
right
for
me
or
be
happy
for
me
I
certainly
don't
know
what
might
work
or
make
you
happy
you
know
as
we
walk
along
this
path
and
I've
seen
adventures
and
things
happen
in
people's
lives
just
beyond
anything
that
I
could
have
imagined
and
I've
seen
it
happen
in
mine
I
am
I
spoke
at
a
meeting
it's
been
a
while
now
but
twenty
six
and
Broadway
back
in
Santa
Monica
on
near
where
I
live
and
within
ten
years
ago
now
and
I'm
thinking
I'm
not
sure
exactly
but
a
while
and
this
guy
came
up
to
me
afterwards
to
thank
me
for
talking
mainly
because
the
sponsor
was
standing
behind
him
and
the
and
he
said
you
know
I
really
want
to
thank
you
for
sharing
and
he
said
I
I
I
really
like
to
talk
and
he
said
I
don't
believe
it
was
your
story
but
I
like
the
way
that
you
told
and
I
you
know
I
I've
never
forgotten
that
because
I
thought
you
know
it's
only
and
I
think
a
place
like
Alcoholics
Anonymous
when
we're
new
that
we
come
here
and
we
think
are
they
probably
make
up
stories
sit
around
you
know
they
come
for
years
and
years
so
that
they
can
stand
in
front
of
I
mean
you
know
how
could
that
happen
you
know
but
the
main
thing
the
main
thing
that
that
meant
to
me
was
that
this
was
someone
who
was
hearing
my
story
and
who
couldn't
believe
that
I
could
have
come
from
where
I
came
from
and
I
thought
what
a
tribute
to
Alcoholics
Anonymous
because
I
want
to
assure
you
and
there
are
actually
a
few
people
in
this
room
today
who
can
tell
you
that
I
looked
like
my
story
when
I
came
down
colic
synonymous
and
no
one
doubted
my
story
when
I
first
walked
through
the
doors
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
and
not
for
quite
awhile
afterwards
so
it's
really
a
tribute
to
Alcoholics
Anonymous
that
someone
could
actually
wonder
if
I'd
really
come
from
the
places
that
I
talked
about
I'm
a
person
who
believes
that
I
was
born
an
alcoholic
and
I
don't
want
to
have
a
philosophical
discussion
with
any
of
you
about
that
after
the
meeting
it's
something
that
I
believe
and
I
believe
it
because
there
was
something
wrong
with
me
before
I
ever
started
drinking
alcohol
immediately
worked
for
me
and
you
know
it's
much
like
I
heard
John
sharing
today
you
know
I'm
very
grateful
for
alcohol
and
the
chemicals
that
I
mixed
with
it
because
I
really
believe
I
would've
had
been
locked
up
in
some
kind
of
an
institution
I
couldn't
make
it
out
there
but
anyway
I
I
think
there
was
something
wrong
with
me
before
all
of
that
on
my
first
obsession
in
life
was
suicide
and
from
the
age
that
I
can
remember
which
is
about
five
years
old
I
began
to
try
and
cut
my
hands
and
fingers
and
wrists
with
razor
blades
I
began
to
try
and
kill
myself
and
all
the
different
ways
that
I
could
think
of
doing
happen
till
the
time
that
I
came
through
the
doors
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
I
don't
think
that
there
were
was
a
day
that
I
didn't
try
and
take
my
life
pray
to
god
that
I
was
slowly
slowly
losing
faith
in
or
I
put
myself
in
a
position
where
someone
else
was
likely
to
take
my
life
and
that
was
really
what
I
wanted
you
know
I
I
thought
about
it
in
inventorying
and
there
have
definitely
been
sometimes
when
my
suicide
attempts
were
to
get
attention
or
to
get
my
way
but
really
overall
as
I
look
back
up
to
and
including
today
and
I
look
back
on
those
years
I
really
wanted
to
die
I
really
wanted
out
life
just
hurt
way
too
much
for
me
and
I
didn't
want
to
go
anywhere
and
I
didn't
want
to
be
anything
and
I
didn't
want
anything
exciting
to
happen
I
just
had
already
given
up
so
long
ago
that
you
know
I
either
have
to
assume
that
you've
either
experienced
this
or
you
haven't
because
I
don't
know
how
to
describe
it
it
was
just
the
way
that
I
was
on
in
so
for
someone
like
me
who
always
felt
like
that
who
never
liked
anything
about
myself
not
one
single
thing
I
didn't
like
being
tall
I
don't
like
being
skinny
I
don't
wanna
have
curly
red
hair
I
didn't
like
my
nose
and
like
the
color
of
my
skin
I
didn't
like
you
know
the
family
that
I
was
in
I
didn't
like
the
town
that
I
lived
in
I
didn't
like
where
I
went
to
school
I
didn't
like
anything
ever
it
all
just
heard
way
too
much
for
me
and
I
would
have
traded
places
it
felt
to
me
I
wouldn't
trade
places
with
anybody
you
know
anyone
in
the
world
just
had
to
have
it
better
or
look
better
or
feel
better
than
me
so
for
someone
like
me
you
can
see
why
I
would
be
very
grateful
to
have
found
alcohol
and
what
I
found
with
it
to
mix
it
so
that
I
didn't
have
to
feel
pain
now
given
that
I've
told
you
that
I
I
guess
it
won't
surprise
you
when
I
tell
you
I
I
was
not
a
social
drinker
I've
never
had
a
social
drink
in
my
life
nor
did
I
ever
want
one
who
don't
you
know
I
don't
think
I
I
I
know
I've
never
not
been
drunk
I'd
never
not
overdosed
it
was
really
the
only
way
that
I
I
just
thought
that
was
just
the
only
way
and
I
didn't
want
to
feel
good
and
I
know
many
of
you
have
a
lot
of
good
party
years
and
a
lot
of
good
times
you
know
so
that's
certainly
not
true
of
everyone
in
Alcoholics
Anonymous
but
for
me
I
wasn't
interested
in
feeling
good
I
just
wanted
to
not
feel
anything
at
all
and
I'm
very
grateful
that
I
got
a
little
bit
of
that
relief
during
the
years
that
I
was
out
there
drinking
as
a
little
kid
they
you
know
they
would
ask
me
probably
as
they
do
every
other
kid
you
know
would
you
want
to
be
when
you
grow
up
and
I
told
him
I
wanted
to
be
a
boy
it
wasn't
as
easy
to
do
back
then
as
it
is
today
so
while
my
family
was
very
concerned
that
this
was
my
answer
and
you
know
it
can
be
and
so
we're
looking
back
on
it
I
know
today
that
some
of
the
reason
for
that
was
that
before
I
came
to
the
program
Alcoholics
Anonymous
I
don't
ever
remember
seeing
a
man
cry
under
any
circumstances
I've
seen
men
shot
I
see
them
stabbed
I've
seen
them
arrested
a
senior
wives
leave
my
scene
their
kids
overdose
I've
seen
a
lot
of
things
happen
I
never
saw
a
man
cry
under
any
of
those
circumstances
I've
seen
the
women
in
my
life
go
through
every
one
of
those
events
that
I've
just
mentioned
some
of
them
didn't
cry
but
most
of
them
did
that
one
point
or
another
there
was
a
breaking
point
and
so
I
looked
at
those
two
different
groups
of
people
and
I
decided
immediately
which
one
I
wanted
to
be
like
and
I
spent
my
whole
life
before
coming
Alcoholics
Anonymous
trying
to
be
that
kind
of
a
person
the
kind
of
person
where
nothing
could
make
you
cry
where
no
one
could
hurt
you
and
I
suppose
that
that
was
important
to
me
because
of
what
Clancy
talks
about
that
for
me
I
was
one
of
those
people
who
had
no
emotional
insulation
whatsoever
just
absolute
strangers
could
look
at
me
funny
and
it
it
would
it
would
hurt
in
a
way
that
I
just
can't
even
describe
you
know
and
I
found
for
me
that
I
would
much
rather
you
punch
me
in
the
face
that
hurt
my
feelings
and
I
spent
a
lot
of
my
life
making
sure
that
that
was
the
way
that
I
interacted
with
people
you
know
is
getting
my
face
punched
in
a
lot
just
you
know
right
now
I
have
something
to
say
to
everybody
right
there
long
before
they
could
ever
get
close
enough
to
hurt
me
or
say
anything
to
me
emotionally
but
the
problem
was
was
that
without
alcohol
I
could
not
control
those
emotions
and
I
could
not
control
that
pain
or
that
fear
or
whatever
it
was
and
I
found
for
myself
that
I
my
first
memories
were
really
I
mean
I've
just
realized
I
was
not
going
to
be
able
to
be
this
person
that
I
so
badly
wanted
to
be
and
I
hated
myself
for
it
because
I
thought
I
was
weak
and
in
my
life
there's
never
been
anything
that
I
have
been
less
tolerant
of
in
anyone
most
of
all
myself
then
the
things
that
I
was
to
decide
were
weak
anyway
right
I
am
I
grew
up
in
an
area
I
grew
up
in
a
town
called
Venice
in
Los
Angeles
it's
a
beach
town
I
grew
up
in
an
alcoholic
home
there
was
a
lot
of
violence
in
my
home
there
was
a
lot
of
broken
promises
in
my
home
there
are
a
lot
of
the
same
kind
of
things
that
go
on
in
a
lot
of
other
alcoholic
homes
I
am
a
I
did
not
see
my
mother's
alcoholism
as
a
disease
I
thought
as
a
weakness
and
I've
already
told
you
how
I
felt
about
weakness
so
I
don't
want
anything
to
do
with
anything
like
that
getting
near
me
and
when
I
was
you
know
this
little
kid
and
I
found
out
that
I
couldn't
be
a
boy
I
had
to
we
had
they
had
begun
to
take
me
to
psychiatrists
and
psychologists
because
we
were
on
welfare
we
were
able
to
go
see
these
people
and
you
know
I
don't
have
any
kind
of
diagnosis
for
you
about
what
those
professionals
thought
about
why
I
tried
to
kill
myself
for
why
I
hated
myself
so
much
or
why
I
felt
the
way
that
I
did
because
I
I
felt
like
those
people
much
like
my
friend
Patty
Hicks
always
did
I
thought
they
should
have
to
work
for
their
money
so
I
never
answered
one
question
I
never
filled
out
one
form
I
never
played
with
one
doll
I
sat
there
the
required
fifty
minutes
and
when
they
were
done
I
got
up
and
I
left
and
so
obviously
they
weren't
able
to
help
me
in
any
way
I
am
I
found
for
me
that
if
I
was
going
to
be
able
to
be
a
boy
that
the
only
option
the
only
thing
that
seems
like
an
option
to
me
was
to
be
a
tough
ride
and
I
spend
all
my
time
for
coming
in
Alcoholics
Anonymous
and
good
part
of
it
afterwards
trying
to
be
what
I
thought
of
tough
broad
was
in
you
know
there
were
certain
requirements
I've
learned
you
know
in
sobriety
having
met
a
lot
of
other
tough
broads
that
certain
requirements
can
be
geographical
you
know
about
that
and
there
are
definitely
variations
you
know
on
the
tough
broad
thing
there
are
first
of
all
there
are
make
up
wearing
tough
brides
and
non
make
up
wearing
tough
broads
I
was
a
non
make
up
wearing
tough
broad
because
there
wasn't
any
way
I
was
ever
gonna
look
in
a
mirror
long
enough
to
put
make
up
on
me
so
that
that
was
not
to
part
of
me
I
having
grown
up
in
a
beach
town
I've
learned
you
know
geographically
from
other
tough
broads
in
other
parts
of
the
country
that
is
some
of
this
had
to
do
with
the
beach
community
it
was
very
important
that
you
have
tough
feet
tough
brides
in
beach
communities
have
tough
feat
so
one
of
my
favorite
things
to
do
would
be
to
stand
with
my
gang
smoking
a
cigarette
and
one
touristy
looking
people
looked
at
me
I
would
throw
my
cigarette
down
on
the
sidewalk
and
put
it
out
with
my
bare
feet
and
I
would
see
the
touristy
people
whisper
back
and
forth
to
one
another
and
I
know
what
they're
saying
they're
saying
wow
Matt
is
one
tough
broad
I
was
very
impressed
you
know
that
I
can
when
I
can
show
them
the
sights
you
know
and
again
after
I've
been
sober
for
a
while
my
sponsor
explained
to
me
that
perhaps
what
some
of
those
people
were
saying
was
did
you
see
that
that
person
just
put
flash
to
fire
why
would
anybody
do
anything
so
stupid
I
didn't
know
there
was
another
way
of
looking
at
it
you
know
I'm
in
being
in
a
gang
it
was
very
important
that
you
do
a
lot
of
fighting
and
I
did
it's
very
important
that
I
remember
to
tell
you
tonight
that
I've
never
won
a
fight
in
my
life
but
I
never
thought
less
than
five
people
at
a
time
and
my
sponsor
explained
me
after
been
sober
for
a
while
you
know
if
you
fight
one
person
and
you
lose
people
might
say
you're
not
a
very
good
fire
but
if
you
always
buy
groups
of
five
or
more
no
one
expects
you
to
win
and
they
think
maybe
she's
tough
if
that
many
people
had
a
jumper
you
know
so
you
can
kind
of
get
a
reputation
for
yourself
although
your
face
is
beating
all
the
time
you
know
so
that
was
sort
of
the
way
I
I
worked
that
was
that
was
my
you
know
planning
anyway
I
ya
I
in
in
hanging
around
my
mom
was
in
and
out
of
the
program
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
for
many
many
years
when
I
was
a
kid
in
and
out
of
Venice
and
so
I
I
went
to
meetings
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
or
parts
of
them
but
it
didn't
seem
that
it
would
work
very
long
you
know
my
mom
kept
drinking
and
going
back
and
forth
and
you
know
and
whatever
but
my
mom
brought
me
to
a
a
meeting
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
and
that
she
can
bring
me
because
I
asked
for
help
and
she
can
bring
because
I
admitted
having
a
problem
and
she
can't
bring
me
for
any
reason
really
except
that
she's
afraid
if
she
left
me
alone
I
might
get
addicted
from
another
apartment
and
in
that
meeting
that
night
the
miracle
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
began
for
me
and
it
began
for
me
because
there
was
a
guy
in
that
meeting
that
I
admired
more
than
anybody
else
in
the
whole
world
you
know
if
I
had
to
tell
you
what
I
wanted
out
of
life
in
one
sentence
when
I
came
through
the
doors
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
what
I
wanted
was
I
wanted
the
ability
to
walk
into
a
room
full
of
strangers
and
have
everyone
there
back
away
from
me
in
terror
now
when
you're
eighty
seven
pounds
that
almost
never
happens
you
know
but
that's
kind
of
what
I
wanted
out
of
life
you
know
and
this
guy
that
was
their
name
Paul
was
actually
drinking
friend
of
my
mother's
and
who
drank
in
the
really
really
tough
bars
for
my
mom
drink
you
know
in
Venice
was
at
that
time
was
at
that
meeting
and
that
you
know
I've
been
in
prison
in
the
attic
his
knife
with
them
at
the
meeting
and
he
had
you
know
written
his
motorcycle
there
and
up
you
know
I'd
seen
him
drinking
in
the
bars
and
he
he
had
he
had
achieved
everything
that
I
wanted
out
of
life
you
have
the
ability
to
clear
rooms
and
tables
when
he
had
been
drinking
and
so
it
made
a
huge
impression
on
me
that
someone
like
that
would
be
an
A.
A.
E.
and
I
didn't
raise
my
hand
because
I
wasn't
an
alcoholic
and
even
if
I
had
been
I
wouldn't
have
joined
an
organization
that
was
allowing
my
mother
to
belong
to
it
so
I
you
know
I
went
to
these
I
went
to
these
meetings
so
for
a
couple
of
weeks
not
raising
my
hand
and
the
I
spend
sometime
talking
to
Paul
he
was
the
only
person
that
I
was
willing
to
talk
with
in
those
couple
of
weeks
because
I
don't
like
anybody
else
I
I
didn't
you
know
I
don't
like
anybody
you
know
like
me
and
like
emails
but
I
was
willing
to
talk
to
Paul
because
he
was
so
cool
and
I
explained
to
him
you
know
when
he
would
listen
I
was
an
alcoholic
that
I
could
possibly
be
an
alcoholic
that
was
far
too
young
to
be
now
it
wasn't
anything
like
my
mother
who
was
an
alcoholic
and
he
knew
what
an
alcoholic
my
mother
was
because
they
drink
in
the
same
bars
you
know
and
I
was
just
not
alcoholic
and
he
said
to
me
you
know
June
I'm
pretty
new
in
the
say
a
thing
and
they
told
me
I
can't
diagnose
anybody's
disease
but
my
own
but
in
your
case
I'm
gonna
make
an
exception
is
that
I've
seen
the
way
do
you
drink
and
I've
seen
the
way
that
you
take
chemicals
I
happen
to
believe
if
you
don't
come
into
a
program
like
this
and
take
with
these
people
have
to
offer
you
within
a
period
of
six
months
or
less
you're
gonna
be
on
the
streets
are
gonna
be
shooting
stuff
you
gonna
be
selling
your
house
and
I
knew
he
wasn't
trying
like
to
scare
me
you
know
like
a
high
school
teacher
who
baby
make
something
up
that
they
read
in
a
book
or
something
he
was
just
talking
about
facts
he
was
talking
about
things
that
happened
and
we're
beginning
to
happen
in
my
life
and
I
thought
a
little
bit
about
what
he
said
but
I
did
not
want
to
join
Alcoholics
Anonymous
I
didn't
think
it
could
be
that
bad
yet
and
yet
in
that
two
week
period
of
time
absolutely
every
alternative
but
Alcoholics
Anonymous
was
removed
from
my
life
by
the
time
I
got
to
the
problem
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
the
only
person
that
I
hated
more
than
my
mother
was
myself
and
I
hated
myself
so
much
that
I
can't
even
describe
it
to
you
I
really
don't
believe
that
I
could
have
gone
on
breathing
in
and
out
anymore
you
know
out
there
on
the
streets
hating
myself
anymore
than
I
did
by
the
time
I
came
in
here
but
I
hated
my
mother
you
know
for
everything
that
it
ever
gone
wrong
in
my
life
and
take
it
from
me
the
short
version
a
lot
has
gone
wrong
and
and
I
was
very
angry
and
I
was
filled
with
hatred
and
hostility
and
I
was
violent
and
I
used
to
attack
my
mother
and
other
than
fighting
back
you
know
she
didn't
really
do
that
much
about
it
except
for
now
she
was
sober
and
she
don't
think
she
had
to
be
attacked
anymore
and
she
asked
me
to
leave
her
apartment
and
I
did
the
rest
of
my
family
had
not
spoken
to
me
in
a
couple
of
years
and
I
was
not
able
to
call
or
go
by
and
I
didn't
bother
I
had
been
in
a
lot
of
foster
homes
I
had
been
thrown
out
of
all
of
them
were
taken
out
of
them
I
wasn't
allowed
to
go
back
to
any
of
those
I
tried
to
get
into
some
drug
rehab
and
alcohol
recovery
homes
that
were
in
the
LA
area
at
that
time
there
were
not
that
many
but
there
were
some
none
of
them
would
take
me
some
because
my
agent
some
just
because
my
attitude
I
tried
to
get
into
a
program
back
then
that
most
of
you
may
not
remember
but
it
was
a
program
called
Sinan
and
they
were
absolutely
desperate
for
membership
at
the
time
and
they
wouldn't
take
me
either
so
it's
starting
to
look
pretty
bad
and
then
I
thought
well
you
know
what
who
cares
who
cares
about
these
programs
and
you
know
these
families
and
you
know
all
that
because
none
of
that
really
matters
if
you're
tough
brought
the
only
thing
that
counts
the
only
thing
that's
important
the
only
thing
that
matters
is
your
game
and
then
one
day
as
I
walk
down
an
alley
all
five
members
of
my
own
gang
beat
me
up
and
I
found
myself
sitting
in
a
meeting
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
and
I
was
eighty
seven
pounds
and
I
had
a
black
eye
and
I
had
a
small
lip
and
I
had
no
shoes
when
worn
shoes
if
I
had
them
I
had
no
place
to
live
I
had
no
family
I
had
no
money
and
I
raise
my
hand
and
meeting
Bangkok's
nana
missing
you
know
you
could
see
what
was
kind
of
simple
it
wasn't
like
would
you
like
to
go
to
Hawaii
or
join
a
a
you
know
it
was
a
much
clearer
you
know
kind
of
a
thing
I
know
to
do
that
when
I
raise
my
hand
and
that
meetings
I
know
that
there
were
people
there
who
did
not
know
about
the
traditions
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
again
once
again
the
third
tradition
and
the
reason
I
know
that
they
did
not
know
that
about
that
tradition
is
because
they
are
some
of
these
people
in
that
meeting
who
had
known
my
mother
from
being
in
and
out
of
that
program
and
who
knew
who
I
was
knew
how
old
I
was
and
they
came
over
to
me
after
the
meeting
and
they
told
me
I
was
too
young
to
be
an
alcoholic
and
they
tell
me
they
don't
want
to
kids
sitting
in
their
meeting
while
they
talked
about
serious
things
and
they
told
me
if
I
came
back
to
get
together
and
asked
me
to
leave
and
I
didn't
know
that
Alcoholics
Anonymous
had
a
set
of
traditions
at
that
time
I
just
figured
I
eight
didn't
want
me
either
and
I
was
okay
with
me
because
I
don't
want
me
either
and
I
had
it
for
a
long
long
time
and
I
fell
back
on
my
number
one
answer
the
answer
I'd
been
using
since
I
was
five
years
old
one
over
to
a
friend
of
my
mother's
house
I
went
into
her
bathroom
which
is
the
first
place
I
went
to
anyone's
house
I
ever
went
into
and
I
found
another
of
the
kind
of
pills
to
kill
myself
and
I
took
enough
of
them
to
do
it
one
more
time
and
then
that
day
before
I
passed
out
I
went
to
a
noon
meeting
about
colic
synonymous
now
I
don't
know
about
the
meetings
here
in
Tampa
but
in
West
Los
Angeles
where
I
got
sober
they
almost
never
called
on
people
to
share
who
were
laying
in
the
meeting
I
which
is
all
that
I
was
capable
of
but
they
did
call
on
me
and
they
recognize
that
I
needed
to
be
in
a
hospital
and
that
was
where
I
came
to
Paul
took
me
to
that
hospital
and
I
I
came
to
the
doctor
explained
to
me
that
the
pills
I
had
taken
her
to
slow
down
my
heart
and
they
gave
me
medication
to
make
me
throw
up
or
whatever
they
didn't
tell
me
that
had
I
been
there
five
or
ten
minutes
later
I
would've
been
in
a
coma
that
they
probably
could
have
brought
me
out
of
tonight
I
really
can't
tell
you
why
that
overdose
was
any
different
than
all
the
other
overdoses
that
I'd
inflicted
upon
myself
to
just
west
because
since
that
time
one
day
at
a
time
I
haven't
taken
anything
that
affects
me
from
the
neck
up
that's
how
I
personally
define
sobriety
I've
done
that
one
day
at
a
time
the
thirteenth
of
July
of
last
year
I
celebrated
thirty
continuous
years
of
sobriety
in
the
program
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
no
it's
it's
really
important
to
me
that
the
new
people
know
that
I
never
planned
on
staying
thirty
years
you
know
cancer
like
what
John
was
saying
this
more
this
more
this
afternoon
you
know
when
the
doctor
was
warning
me
might
not
live
to
thirty
if
he
didn't
stop
it
you
know
I
if
they
don't
ask
me
in
the
early
days
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
if
I
wanted
to
live
for
thirty
more
years
I
would
have
checked
the
no
box
you
know
I'm
not
one
of
the
people
that
stayed
in
Alcoholics
Anonymous
because
I
was
afraid
if
I
went
back
on
the
streets
I
might
die
I
tried
to
die
as
long
and
as
hard
as
I
could
out
there
I
stayed
in
the
program
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
because
I
was
afraid
I
could
go
back
out
there
and
live
the
way
that
I
was
living
and
I
couldn't
do
that
anymore
hating
myself
anymore
than
I
already
did
you
know
when
I
came
in
the
doors
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
and
it
may
not
surprise
you
that
match
but
I
had
a
bad
attitude
I
am
I
didn't
like
me
I
don't
like
my
mother
I
figured
out
any
other
women
around
here
were
you
know
alcoholics
and
like
one
of
the
two
of
us
or
whatever
but
I
didn't
like
them
and
so
I
don't
like
sitting
next
to
women
I
am
like
shaking
hands
with
women
I
most
certainly
did
not
have
women
and
I
don't
like
listening
to
women
speakers
which
is
something
that
always
makes
me
feel
better
because
I
know
there's
never
as
many
people
listening
to
me
as
it
looks
like
most
of
the
men
that
I
have
known
in
my
life
for
alcoholic
and
they
were
extremely
violent
and
I
figured
they
were
men
here
and
there
obviously
alcoholic
or
they
wouldn't
be
here
and
I
wanted
to
do
with
them
either
and
so
I
had
a
problem
because
in
July
of
nineteen
seventy
two
when
I
came
to
Alcoholics
Anonymous
all
we
had
were
men
and
women
and
I
don't
like
any
of
them
but
I
went
to
twenty
one
meetings
a
week
anyway
every
week
for
at
least
the
first
two
to
three
two
and
a
half
to
three
years
of
my
sobriety
and
and
I
had
a
commitment
at
most
of
those
meetings
I
also
had
my
attitude
I
didn't
wear
shoes
most
of
the
first
two
years
that
I
was
server
I
am
I
smoked
three
packs
of
cigarettes
a
day
when
I
got
to
the
program
I
let
all
of
them
myself
casually
someone
would
hold
a
match
and
I
let
him
hold
as
long
as
they
light
but
they
never
let
my
cigarette
with
it
most
of
the
time
I
didn't
take
rides
from
people
in
A.
I.
either
walked
or
hitchhiked
somehow
that
was
different
I
guess
than
getting
a
ride
from
someone
that
I
knew
you
know
if
I
had
enough
money
I
take
a
bus
I
wore
motorcycle
chains
on
my
wrists
and
my
ankles
I
had
a
jacket
on
the
backs
to
do
when
the
others
and
then
split
it
was
my
own
spiritual
philosophy
after
I'd
been
sober
short
free
time
I
took
up
smoking
cigars
and
then
you
know
later
a
pipe
I
had
a
very
limited
vocabulary
when
I
came
to
eight
consisted
almost
solely
of
profanity
there
were
a
few
exceptions
the
and
mother
and
I
found
a
lot
of
people
in
Alcoholics
Anonymous
were
very
offended
by
the
type
of
words
that
I
use
and
so
I
tried
to
use
it
more
when
they
got
near
me
and
what
I
wanna
let
you
know
is
if
you
choose
to
act
that
way
and
dressed
that
way
and
smoke
that
way
you
too
can
sit
in
the
meeting
pretty
close
to
the
size
really
have
an
entire
row
all
to
yourself
I
mean
just
to
give
you
an
idea
my
home
group
today
is
the
Thursday
night
Brent
wood
workshop
and
when
I
was
nineteen
years
I
was
nineteen
years
sober
the
steering
committee
asked
me
to
be
secretary
of
my
home
group
and
that
after
one
of
the
first
meetings
you
know
that
I
have
done
had
shared
one
of
my
first
sponsors
drove
out
from
the
valley
he
came
up
to
me
after
thirty
one
outside
of
the
core
cards
and
he
said
I
heard
a
rumor
in
the
valley
that
they
may
use
secretary
of
this
meeting
and
I
had
to
come
and
see
if
it
was
true
because
really
in
in
my
early
years
of
sobriety
no
one
thought
that
I
was
going
to
be
secretary
of
anything
you
know
made
me
think
I
was
going
to
keep
coming
back
really
but
I
did
and
I'm
very
grateful
to
the
old
timers
who
tolerated
me
and
the
way
that
I
was
when
I
came
back
because
it's
not
us
you
know
I
can
remember
one
of
my
commitments
was
at
the
Tuesday
night
Westwood
two
plus
two
meeting
I
was
the
greeter
I
would
stand
there
barefoot
my
cigars
motorcycle
jacket
chains
welcoming
the
newcomers
as
they
came
to
a
a
I
shake
hands
with
them
and
they
walk
by
and
hear
their
sponsors
whispers
you
know
if
you
keep
drinking
you
can
end
up
like
that
when
I
got
to
the
program
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
people
we're
guessing
my
aged
thirty
seven
and
I
was
thirteen
at
the
time
and
I'll
tell
you
I
just
celebrated
my
birthday
just
couple
weeks
ago
I'm
forty
four
and
I
feel
at
least
a
thousand
years
younger
then
I
did
when
I
walk
through
the
doors
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
I
was
so
old
when
I
came
to
a
and
I
was
old
for
so
long
here
I
don't
know
when
it's
going
to
catch
back
up
with
me
but
I'll
feel
that
way
again
I
don't
know
but
I
do
think
that
feeling
would
ever
go
away
a
high
I
got
very
active
in
my
home
group
at
the
time
was
the
Monday
night
Venice
group
and
it
was
you
know
a
great
meeting
and
as
I
said
we
did
a
lot
of
that
service
working
we
learned
about
loners
and
you
know
general
service
in
the
traditions
that
we
traveled
around
we
took
group
so
we
went
all
over
and
you
know
went
to
meetings
all
over
and
I
was
just
so
lucky
you
know
but
you
know
I
I
really
didn't
think
it
wasn't
exactly
the
I
didn't
think
it
would
work
for
me
I
just
I
just
wasn't
sure
it
would
work
the
way
it
worked
for
these
other
people
that
I
heard
sharing
but
there
was
so
much
hope
here
in
Alcoholics
Anonymous
and
the
people
who
were
here
the
old
timers
they
had
so
much
you
know
so
much
hope
and
so
much
to
share
that
I
I
really
thought
that
maybe
maybe
if
I
went
to
these
meetings
for
years
and
years
not
that
I
ever
you
know
I
wanna
be
who
I
was
or
look
at
myself
you
know
and
feel
beautiful
or
you
know
walk
on
the
sunny
side
of
the
street
like
some
of
them
I
don't
think
that
could
happen
but
there
was
enough
hope
here
that
I
did
believe
that
someday
if
I
went
walking
down
the
street
I
happened
to
glance
at
one
of
those
storefront
windows
and
see
myself
looking
back
maybe
I
wouldn't
feel
like
throwing
up
at
what
I
saw
looking
back
and
that
was
enough
hope
to
keep
me
coming
to
meetings
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
and
you
know
the
the
feelings
of
self
hatred
that
I
had
for
myself
they
did
not
go
away
when
I
took
my
thirty
day
chip
for
you
know
really
for
quite
a
long
time
I
I
wish
I
had
a
more
hopeful
message
you
know
I
don't
think
that
it's
true
for
everyone
that
it
takes
that
long
and
I
think
that
some
of
it
did
have
to
do
you
know
with
self
obsession
and
I
heard
someone
not
that
long
ago
my
home
group
and
they
were
saying
that
you
know
an
ego
maniac
because
I
never
really
identified
with
that
you
know
the
Cline
never
thought
that
was
full
of
myself
you
know
wasn't
ego
maniac
I
never
thought
I
was
better
than
anybody
or
you
know
anything
else
but
they
were
saying
you
know
ego
maniac
is
really
it's
not
necessarily
someone
who
thinks
well
of
themselves
it's
not
even
someone
who
thinks
often
of
themselves
it's
simply
someone
who
thinks
only
of
them
so
I
thought
well
that
would
definitely
be
me
you
know
R.
I
am
I
also
I
had
a
bad
attitude
about
people
in
AA
who
I
didn't
feel
have
suffered
like
I
suffered
so
I
was
one
of
the
worst
forms
of
snob
to
ever
have
arrived
in
Alcoholics
Anonymous
because
I
had
a
lot
of
judgments
I
had
a
lot
of
things
you
know
like
if
you
had
a
mother
and
a
father
yes
you
can
come
from
where
I
came
from
and
you
don't
easy
life
that
was
my
feeling
if
you
had
a
car
we
don't
have
a
car
you
know
I
mean
it
was
like
I
could
cross
everybody
off
my
list
for
you
know
as
far
as
the
pain
quotient
and
I
always
won
you
know
I
really
just
didn't
think
you
know
and
then
there
were
people
you
know
and
they
had
like
money
off
yeah
right
you
know
like
they
had
pain
you
know
so
it
was
it
was
really
easy
for
me
to
get
myself
into
this
little
tiny
group
and
yet
it
talks
about
in
the
book
we
are
people
who
normally
would
not
mix
and
I
cannot
ever
think
about
wine
without
thinking
of
my
first
sponsor
Gail
Wilson
and
Gail
became
my
sponsor
and
it
was
a
woman
now
that's
a
big
thing
right
there
in
and
of
itself
this
is
a
fascinating
thing
to
me
how
this
came
about
but
you
know
when
I
went
to
these
twenty
one
meetings
a
week
it
seemed
as
though
a
woman
named
Gaeltacht
at
about
eighteen
times
a
week
so
I
thought
to
myself
I
thought
maybe
if
I
ask
her
to
be
my
sponsor
I
can
find
out
ahead
of
time
where
she's
speaking
and
I
wanted
to
go
here
for
all
the
time
so
that
was
sort
of
that's
what
motivated
me
to
get
her
from
my
sponsor
but
gala
nine
you
know
we
were
so
different
first
of
all
she
was
three
times
my
age
she
was
a
very
successful
business
woman
should
come
from
a
loving
family
in
the
south
I
mean
really
she
she
not
only
did
not
use
the
same
language
that
I
used
she
didn't
know
what
most
of
the
words
I
was
using
meant
and
as
if
all
that
wasn't
bad
enough
which
I
felt
that
it
was
really
she
had
actually
been
seen
in
public
on
numerous
occasions
wearing
pink
okay
something
that
I
did
not
even
sit
in
a
row
if
someone
was
wearing
pink
for
at
least
ten
years
you
know
we
did
not
get
anywhere
near
the
pink
thing
so
and
you
know
I
would
see
Gail
and
her
home
group
at
the
time
was
the
Thursday
night
Brent
would
group
which
I
hated
I
had
to
go
because
it
was
her
home
group
I
hated
that
meeting
on
the
one
that
I
became
secretary
of
nineteen
years
later
but
anyway
and
I
would
see
Gail
at
the
meeting
and
she
would
say
now
June
don't
sit
next
to
me
at
the
meeting
tonight
I
can't
take
the
cigar
smoke
and
then
I
turned
white
when
she's
in
not
only
that
please
don't
tell
anyone
that
online
in
your
sponsor
and
you
know
that
was
fine
with
me
because
you
know
I
don't
even
know
I
was
hanging
out
with
someone
as
lame
as
she
was
you
know
we'd
sort
of
meet
secretly
you
know
after
meetings
and
talk
about
a
a
anyway
I
gotta
I
remember
you
know
the
first
time
I
talked
to
my
home
group
the
Monday
night
then
this
group
I
gave
I
was
asked
to
give
a
twenty
minute
talk
I
think
was
about
nine
months
or
years
sober
and
when
I
finish
talking
to
secretary
came
over
to
me
after
the
meeting
he
said
if
I
wanted
to
hear
your
mother's
story
I
would
have
asked
her
to
talk
you
know
and
I
was
still
so
wrapped
up
in
what
my
mama
did
and
then
she
did
this
to
me
and
then
she
did
this
and
then
they
did
this
and
you
know
that
whole
thing
and
so
it's
really
been
a
very
slow
process
for
me
I'm
going
ahead
and
seeing
you
know
how
these
steps
apply
to
my
life
you
know
and
and
it's
just
been
fascinating
you
know
I
am
I
came
here
I
have
a
seventh
grade
education
I
was
not
able
to
read
any
longer
I
had
known
how
to
read
but
I
could
not
read
I
shouldn't
say
it
exactly
that
way
I
could
read
words
but
I
could
not
hold
all
the
words
in
one
sentence
and
have
them
make
sense
at
the
end
of
reading
this
sentence
I
had
a
very
difficult
time
reading
the
literature
in
a
reading
anything
you
know
my
brain
just
would
not
work
that
well
and
I
didn't
know
if
it
was
ever
going
to
get
any
better
you
know
and
I
just
didn't
know
it
but
I
just
kept
coming
to
meetings
anyway
and
I
just
kept
keeping
my
commitments
and
up
and
staying
active
you
know
and
you
know
we
were
talking
a
little
bit
about
you
know
I
had
the
privilege
of
getting
to
go
to
the
international
convention
in
Denver
and
I
was
about
three
years
sober
and
I
stayed
on
a
whole
timers
Florida
hotel
room
and
I
got
to
stay
with
Merion
Chapman
I
I
went
out
there
and
you
know
I
when
I
was
there
I
ended
up
running
into
a
group
of
us
forty
three
people
who
were
there
from
New
Zealand
and
I
spent
that
whole
weekend
with
all
these
people
from
New
Zealand
and
you
know
when
I
got
sober
in
why
I
had
run
away
once
from
Venice
in
my
life
and
I've
made
it
to
Culver
city
which
is
six
miles
east
of
Venice
that
was
about
as
far
as
I
had
gone
in
my
life
anyway
and
you
know
and
here
I
was
of
in
Denver
and
hanging
out
these
people
from
New
Zealand
and
I
was
thinking
about
this
just
the
other
day
because
that
was
in
July
and
that
year
in
December
I
got
to
Christmas
cards
from
New
Zealand
I
still
wasn't
getting
Christmas
cards
from
my
own
family
you
know
because
there'd
been
a
lot
of
damage
there
and
it
took
a
really
long
time
to
heal
it
but
I
got
these
Christmas
cards
you
know
from
these
people
in
New
Zealand
and
I
was
just
just
an
amazing
thing
you
know
that
people
who
would
normally
not
mix
you
know
I
am
when
I
was
a
couple
years
so
right
aside
to
go
to
school
at
night
I
was
working
on
I
had
a
lot
of
jobs
and
I
had
the
kind
of
jobs
that
you
can
get
with
the
seventh
grade
education
and
that's
all
my
sponsors
told
me
I
was
going
to
continue
to
have
unless
I
was
going
to
do
some
footwork
and
I
wasn't
for
a
long
time
but
I
went
ahead
I
took
this
class
I
went
to
school
actually
does
I
can
get
that
driving
class
because
I
wanted
eventually
get
a
license
that's
what
motivated
me
and
I
while
I
was
there
I
signed
up
for
what
they
call
the
dummy
English
class
and
that's
what
they
call
it
you
know
you
want
demi
English
it's
like
yeah
that's
me
I
mean
let's
you
know
I
thought
maybe
I
could
learn
to
read
again
and
I
signed
up
for
that
class
and
and
I
finished
those
first
two
classes
and
those
two
classes
that
I
finish
those
were
the
first
things
that
I
had
ever
shown
up
four
and
finished
in
my
life
and
I
have
learned
that
in
Alcoholics
Anonymous
I
had
learned
how
to
show
up
and
stay
and
finish
something
and
I
I
finish
those
classes
I
decided
to
take
a
couple
other
classes
and
get
taken
some
other
classes
and
a
few
years
later
they
called
me
into
the
school
and
they
told
me
that
I
completed
all
the
requirements
for
what
they
called
an
eighty
eight
degrees
and
I
thought
that
was
a
nice
name
for
a
degree
you
know
I
never
wanted
a
college
degree
I
wasn't
that
wasn't
on
my
list
you
know
but
but
I
was
really
amazed
you
know
that
I
had
finished
all
those
requirements
and
I
I
did
graduate
from
the
City
College
and
I
went
ahead
and
I
did
some
other
foot
work
and
I
was
accepted
to
some
colleges
and
I
chose
one
and
I
went
ahead
and
I
continue
to
college
and
I
continue
to
work
full
time
and
were
multiple
jobs
you
know
in
order
to
do
that
and
continue
to
show
up
and
stayed
active
in
general
service
and
in
my
home
group
and
I
I
end
up
graduating
a
few
years
later
from
college
and
and
I
come
up
with
the
stream
along
the
way
and
so
I
went
ahead
and
I
did
the
foot
work
for
this
dream
that
I
had
and
I
got
a
telegram
hello
my
goodness
let's
see
I
think
it's
been
almost
twenty
years
ago
now
telling
me
that
I'd
been
chosen
as
one
of
three
hundred
out
of
three
thousand
applicants
to
go
to
law
school
and
I'll
tell
ya
I
had
always
planned
on
spending
a
lot
of
time
in
court
I
but
never
on
that
side
of
the
table
and
you
know
and
and
I
was
able
to
go
on
and
that
and
go
to
law
school
and
to
show
up
and
I
was
very
scared
and
it
was
very
very
hard
and
it
was
hard
Alexa
Lee
but
that
wasn't
the
hardest
part
you
know
it
was
still
like
I
still
have
a
lot
of
spiritual
lessons
and
up
and
I'm
very
very
grateful
I
think
I
learned
a
lot
of
really
good
spiritual
lessons
there
because
it
was
there
that
I
really
began
to
see
that
I
was
one
of
god's
kids
I
wasn't
any
better
than
anybody
else
running
less
than
anybody
else
and
even
though
some
of
these
kids
and
people
you
know
I'd
come
from
a
lot
of
different
backgrounds
far
different
than
mine
it
didn't
necessarily
mean
that
they
were
better
or
that
I
was
better
or
you
know
anything
else
you
know
and
I
just
kind
of
got
into
just
being
one
of
god's
kids
for
the
most
part
and
it's
been
a
lesson
that
I
constantly
need
to
remind
myself
of
when
I'm
out
there
in
the
world
still
just
to
make
me
trying
to
be
you
know
comfortable
and
in
in
where
I
am
you
know
when
I
don't
need
to
be
special
or
different
or
unique
in
that
way
anyway
I
I
kept
showing
up
and
and
doing
the
best
I
could
I
was
scheduled
to
graduate
in
may
of
nineteen
eighty
three
and
in
January
well
actually
in
February
of
nineteen
eighty
three
it
became
very
clear
that
my
sponsor
Gail
Wilson
was
dying
of
cancer
at
forty
eight
years
old
and
is
that
a
lot
of
time
with
Gayle
and
that
last
couple
of
months
before
I
graduated
in
she
was
she
was
very
second
she's
a
lot
of
pain
and
so
you
know
she
was
in
the
hospital
almost
continually
from
February
to
April
and
I
would
I
would
be
in
the
hospital
and
these
nurses
were
you
know
constantly
coming
in
and
out
and
that
Gail
never
did
not
stop
whoever
these
people
were
a
walking
sticks
using
skis
nurse
Smith
R.
Smith
I
want
you
to
meet
Juni
since
June
he
is
like
a
daughter
to
me
and
she's
going
to
be
a
lawyer
and
I
think
you
know
this
is
the
same
woman
who
used
to
say
don't
sit
next
to
me
at
the
meeting
and
don't
tell
anyone
that
I
am
your
sponsor
you
know
and
that
in
dealing
I
talked
about
that
we
talked
about
you
know
how
that
could
be
that
she
would
be
doing
this
now
and
why
it
was
so
different
we
know
back
then
and
you
know
she
said
you
know
dealt
with
me
she
said
should
I
never
believed
in
June
I
never
believed
it
she
said
when
you
asked
me
to
be
your
sponsor
I
said
yes
because
I
had
been
taught
to
sit
but
I
knew
you
were
gonna
make
it
sign
in
with
your
background
and
your
attitude
you
were
going
absolutely
nowhere
and
she
said
and
you
know
I
just
was
amazed
that
you
hung
around
as
long
as
you
did
she
said
you
know
in
those
early
years
but
she
said
I
still
I
never
really
thought
you're
gonna
make
it's
the
number
you
call
me
one
day
and
he
said
Hey
Gail
I'm
a
take
a
class
over
the
City
College
she
said
I
knew
you'd
never
finish
you
haven't
finished
anything
yet
and
held
the
job
for
you
know
more
in
a
week
in
a
row
I
mean
you
couldn't
do
anything
other
than
your
A.
A.
commitments
which
the
biasing
using
instead
the
number
you
took
a
few
more
classes
and
then
you
call
me
up
and
you
said
Hey
Gail
I
think
I
want
to
be
a
lawyer
she
said
I
had
to
force
myself
not
to
laugh
out
loud
you
can
do
that
that
was
eight
years
a
school
you
know
is
that
it
just
couldn't
happen
to
find
say
anything
and
we
talked
about
why
she
hadn't
said
anything
and
even
though
Gayle
never
believed
in
June
or
the
June
could
accomplish
anything
Gail
always
believe
in
Alcoholics
Anonymous
because
you've
seen
incredible
things
happen
here
the
people
that
you
would
never
think
that
could
happen
to
and
that's
why
she
didn't
say
anything
you
know
Gail
did
she
passed
away
in
April
of
that
year
I
graduated
from
law
school
in
may
of
that
year
when
you
graduate
from
law
school
just
in
case
some
of
you
don't
know
this
because
I
really
didn't
know
any
of
this
in
order
to
practice
law
you
have
to
take
an
exam
called
the
bar
exam
and
the
so
I
I
studied
really
hard
and
I
worked
really
really
hard
I
stayed
active
in
hi
to
stay
spiritually
fit
and
you
know
do
my
stuff
and
go
to
my
meetings
I
did
all
my
studying
and
I
took
this
test
in
July
of
nineteen
eighty
three
and
I
got
a
telegram
in
November
of
nineteen
eighty
three
and
it
told
me
I
did
not
pass
the
bar
exam
and
I
could
not
practice
law
and
I
have
absolutely
could
not
believe
it
I
was
ten
years
sober
in
Alcoholics
Anonymous
I
had
it
was
the
end
of
November
it
was
like
the
day
before
thanksgiving
I
had
enough
money
in
my
bank
account
to
pay
my
rent
on
December
first
and
that
was
it
I
couldn't
buy
peanut
butter
I
couldn't
buy
potatoes
I
couldn't
put
a
dollar
in
the
basket
was
supposed
to
speak
at
a
meeting
that
night
and
I
wasn't
sure
I
had
enough
gas
I
couldn't
get
a
job
because
of
that
I
owed
student
loans
that
we're
going
to
begin
to
start
coming
due
and
I
I
can't
even
tell
you
how
much
I
don't
want
to
speak
at
that
meeting
that
night
I
just
can't
even
tell
you
and
I
called
one
of
my
best
friends
in
Alcoholics
Anonymous
I
called
Mike
and
I
told
him
I
got
talk
at
this
meeting
he
said
I'll
be
there
I
have
no
idea
what
I
said
at
that
meeting
that
night
I
did
not
want
to
be
there
but
I
showed
up
and
then
we
went
out
to
coffee
Mike
and
I
after
the
meeting
and
we
talked
special
to
the
telegram
my
so
you
know
what
that
means
he
said
what
I
said
you
know
it
means
this
was
ridiculous
what
the
hell
was
I
thinking
up
you
know
I'm
from
Venice
I
mean
I
got
this
crazy
idea
probably
from
some
a
a
meeting
that
I
was
going
to
go
be
a
lawyer
you
know
I
mean
it
was
insane
they're
all
laughing
at
me
I
mean
I
I
fooled
myself
I
can't
believe
I
was
here
this
was
ridiculous
I
said
you
know
this
telegram
shows
that
it
is
not
god's
will
I
am
a
waitress
I'm
supposed
to
be
a
waitress
that
was
as
high
as
I
should
have
been
shooting
I
got
to
stop
and
he
says
well
let
me
see
that
telegram
and
he
said
well
I
think
this
telegram
says
you're
supposed
to
take
the
test
again
I
said
no
it's
not
that's
not
what
it
says
you
know
I
don't
about
you
guys
but
you
know
if
you
ever
have
these
conversations
with
your
sponsor
you
know
where
like
I
can
remember
you
know
your
it's
sort
of
like
you
they
just
don't
get
it
you
know
they're
very
slow
I
can
remember
in
the
early
months
of
my
sobriety
I
call
my
sponsor
and
I'd
say
you
know
my
rent
is
due
and
I
don't
have
enough
money
and
they'd
say
you
go
to
a
meeting
it
okay
maybe
I
spoke
a
little
too
fast
let
me
let
me
go
over
it
for
you
one
more
time
my
rants
I
know
you
don't
have
ranch
because
you
own
everything
but
some
of
us
you
know
we
have
brands
and
it's
due
that
means
we
have
to
pay
it
and
by
the
way
you
know
my
landlords
not
in
eighty
eight
you
know
I
mean
they
want
their
money
you
know
and
I
don't
have
any
money
you
know
and
they
said
go
to
a
meeting
you
know
and
it
it's
sort
of
like
if
you
walked
up
to
someone
and
you
said
what
time
is
it
on
the
go
it's
a
horse
you
know
this
is
not
helping
you
know
I
I'm
just
not
getting
it
and
it
was
that
kind
of
a
conversation
you
know
that
I
have
with
my
he
said
I
think
you're
supposed
to
take
the
test
again
I
said
like
I
owe
all
this
money
I
have
no
money
I
can't
even
you
know
I
can
only
pay
my
rent
and
I
all
the
student
loans
and
goes
well
once
you
borrow
more
I'm
all
right
you
know
I
went
ahead
and
I
signed
up
to
take
the
test
again
I
borrowed
some
more
money
and
take
it
and
you
know
right
around
then
I
got
I
just
thought
of
this
I
got
a
twelve
step
call
from
central
office
who
wouldn't
pick
this
woman
up
we
went
to
a
meeting
she
was
kind
of
drunk
keep
when
we
went
to
the
meeting
and
how
that
can
happen
but
after
the
me
by
telling
me
was
over
she
was
kind
of
sobered
up
and
we
went
back
to
my
place
my
apartment
right
paid
last
month
rent
I
had
you
know
and
we're
sitting
there
and
and
she
was
crying
and
she
said
I
don't
know
I
said
I
don't
either
I
don't
know
just
like
how
long
even
summer
it's
like
ten
years
but
really
it's
a
good
program
and
you
know
most
people
are
doing
a
lot
better
by
now
you
know
this
is
anyway
so
I
mean
again
I
took
the
test
again
the
study
really
really
hard
got
a
different
kind
of
job
you
know
to
them
I
bet
I
could
get
and
took
the
test
again
in
February
of
that
following
year
and
and
I
received
a
telegram
in
June
are
telling
me
that
I
had
but
I
had
passed
the
exam
that
I
be
allowed
to
practice
law
in
the
state
of
California
and
you
know
I
I
would
love
to
tell
you
that
I
had
you
know
that
spiritually
I
felt
the
same
way
about
both
telegrams
but
really
I
felt
a
lot
closer
to
you
know
I
thought
the
program
was
working
a
lot
better
at
telegram
I
read
you
know
anyway
IBM
and
I
was
able
to
get
a
job
that
I
love
very
very
much
and
a
job
where
I
believe
I
am
able
to
be
of
service
and
and
a
job
where
I
see
people
who
were
members
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
and
aren't
anymore
and
the
places
that
that
we
end
up
going
sometimes
when
that
happens
for
people
who
never
got
a
chance
to
get
here
I'm
so
it's
a
it's
a
been
a
fabulous
job
for
me
and
you
know
after
I
had
done
that
job
for
about
I
think
for
five
years
they
call
me
in
the
office
some
of
my
bosses
and
a
and
they
said
we
want
you
to
be
a
trainer
we
want
you
to
help
and
teach
the
lawyers
because
we
love
your
attitude
who
ever
thought
I'd
get
a
job
from
this
out
of
my
attitude
you
know
it's
just
it's
really
it's
really
unbelievable
so
anyway
and
so
I
was
able
to
do
that
for
a
while
and
you
know
when
I
got
to
the
program
I
was
single
and
you
know
I
think
if
you're
thirteen
that
that
is
an
excellent
idea
to
but
at
the
time
I
I
really
wasn't
sure
that
was
a
good
thing
and
and
you
know
I
I
got
some
bad
news
for
you
if
you
are
single
it
was
bad
news
for
me
anyway
and
that
is
that
you're
probably
going
to
have
to
date
now
I
have
always
hated
dating
I
would
much
rather
fall
in
love
and
usually
I
would
I
just
follow
up
on
the
way
the
coffee
pot
and
then
if
he
came
to
me
in
the
next
I
was
someone
else
I
thought
he
was
being
unfaithful
you
know
when
I
call
my
sponsor
and
write
about
it
and
I
could
just
do
a
whole
thing
you
know
and
you
know
I
don't
know
about
here
in
Tampa
but
enough
in
west
LA
we
have
a
lot
of
eight
dates
and
that's
where
someone
asks
you
out
and
they
take
you
to
a
meeting
where
else
would
you
go
you
know
then
after
the
Meanie
go
to
copy
you
talk
about
the
meeting
and
then
they
take
you
home
by
then
you
don't
know
whether
to
kiss
him
goodnight
or
say
the
lord's
prayer
you
know
and
now
I
can
remember
I
was
on
one
of
these
dates
one
night
we
were
at
the
copy
stage
of
our
day
he
said
I
really
like
you
thank
you
so
I
really
I
really
like
you
a
lot
I
think
you
really
nice
thank
you
so
but
I
like
your
girlfriend
at
the
next
table
better
do
you
mind
if
I
go
sit
with
her
and
he
did
and
I
went
home
and
I
thought
things
through
which
is
one
of
those
times
where
my
sponsors
have
taught
me
over
the
years
that
I've
never
yet
had
a
problem
that
has
been
as
bad
as
my
solution
for
it
but
I
I
thought
it
through
I
came
up
with
the
only
answer
I
went
down
the
next
morning
and
I
tried
to
join
the
United
States
Air
Force
and
they
wouldn't
take
me
so
then
I
called
my
sponsor
which
is
kind
of
pretty
much
what
I
recommend
you
go
to
the
Air
Force
if
they
won't
take
you
then
you
might
want
to
call
your
sponsor
in
anyway
I
am
when
I
was
in
law
school
I
was
asked
out
on
a
date
and
I
I
really
wasn't
sure
because
he
had
never
been
in
prison
you
don't
have
any
tattoos
and
I
just
didn't
know
if
it
could
work
you
know
with
that
kind
of
a
background
to
you
know
but
we
ended
up
we
did
end
up
going
out
and
we
went
out
for
a
while
and
in
nineteen
eighty
eight
we
decided
to
get
married
and
you
know
I
had
been
so
we're
fifteen
years
by
the
time
that
I
got
married
and
when
I
got
married
I
wore
shoes
by
the
way
just
in
case
anybody
was
wondering
and
Donna
I
spent
quite
a
few
hours
picking
out
the
right
ones
too
but
when
I
got
married
every
member
of
my
family
either
drove
or
bought
an
airline
ticket
or
did
something
in
order
to
be
there
and
one
of
the
members
of
my
family
my
uncle
gave
me
away
at
that
wedding
and
the
that
could
not
have
happened
you
know
in
the
early
years
of
my
sobriety
because
it
was
such
a
long
healing
process
two
members
of
my
family
came
another
country
that
it
never
met
me
to
represent
my
grandparents
and
that
could
not
have
happened
given
that
the
ones
who
knew
me
weren't
speaking
to
me
you
know
in
the
early
years
of
my
sobriety
I
am
and
as
I
walked
down
there
to
get
married
I
don't
want
to
be
wearing
anybody
else's
stress
I
wanted
to
have
curly
hair
and
I
want
to
be
tall
and
I
want
to
be
skinny
and
I
wanted
to
be
from
Venice
and
I
wanted
to
have
the
alcoholic
mom
that
I
had
had
and
the
life
that
I
have
had
because
I
knew
that
all
of
that
took
me
to
where
I
was
right
there
on
that
day
and
I
would
trade
places
with
anyone
and
I
think
it
would
be
wonderful
if
I
could
tell
you
that
all
the
time
it's
like
that
it's
still
not
not
quite
but
most
of
the
time
almost
always
I
wouldn't
trade
places
with
anyone
for
the
places
that
I
am
and
that
I
have
in
the
things
that
I
have
in
my
life
today
you
know
in
the
area
I
was
thinking
all
of
a
sudden
in
the
first
thirty
days
that
I
was
sober
I
got
to
hear
civil
Corwin
talk
at
that
two
plus
two
meeting
and
she
stood
up
there
and
she
said
she
had
forty
two
years
then
I
think
thirty
two
sorry
she
had
thirty
two
years
of
that
when
I
had
thirty
days
had
thirty
two
years
first
woman's
over
west
of
the
Mississippi
you're
standing
up
there
and
she
said
you
know
my
life
is
wonderful
I
have
a
fabulous
life
I'm
happy
I
love
everything
about
my
life
and
she
said
if
I
could
give
it
to
you
I
wouldn't
I
thought
god
what's
wrong
with
her
you
know
that
was
sort
of
a
trick
in
being
but
I
mean
if
she
could
you
know
I
mean
I
just
don't
you
know
I
can
understand
she
can't
but
she
could
I
mean
this
you
know
how
much
trouble
I
mean
I
you
know
I've
you
know
I've
barely
made
it
back
to
retire
because
I
was
thinking
to
me
but
anyway
and
she
said
you
know
I
wouldn't
because
I
wouldn't
rob
you
of
the
journey
you
know
and
it
really
is
it's
so
amazing
you
know
this
journey
that
we
have
and
that
doesn't
mean
that
there
are
bumps
and
hills
and
volcanoes
all
kinds
of
things
you
know
along
our
journeys
I
am
when
we
are
one
week
after
we
had
been
married
for
a
while
we
we
thought
we'd
like
to
have
the
baby
I'm
I
was
by
the
time
I
got
to
the
program
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
in
that
first
year
to
that
I
was
sober
I
was
in
the
hospital
many
many
times
I
didn't
have
insurance
but
I
was
hospitalized
for
a
number
of
hemorrhaging
problems
in
very
serious
problems
and
from
the
time
that
I
was
fifteen
on
the
doctors
tell
me
I
needed
a
hysterectomy
but
I
didn't
have
insurance
and
no
one
would
do
one
anyway
because
I
was
too
young
but
they
said
I
just
done
so
much
damage
to
my
body
that
they
just
there
was
just
anyway
they
were
gonna
be
able
to
fix
anything
and
so
I
am
I
didn't
think
that
I
would
ever
be
able
to
have
a
child
but
I
did
get
pregnant
and
I
had
a
little
girl
after
I'd
had
a
couple
of
miscarriages
but
I
did
I
had
a
little
girl
and
in
nineteen
ninety
one
and
about
six
months
later
when
I
had
gone
to
the
doctor
because
I
had
a
very
bad
case
of
the
flu
she
explained
to
me
that
I
was
pregnant
again
and
the
call
those
Irish
twins
they
told
me
and
and
I
had
another
little
daughter
named
Jessica
and
I
and
I
I
had
another
miscarriage
after
that
but
later
I
had
another
little
daughter
named
Casey
and
and
I
have
these
three
little
girls
you
know
and
I
it
really
when
I
first
found
out
I
was
having
a
girl
I
was
terrified
because
I
mean
I
don't
even
want
to
be
a
girl
so
I
was
like
thirty
you
know
I
thought
what
you
know
I
don't
know
ribbons
you
know
I'd
make
up
I
I
don't
know
you
know
I
never
figured
out
whether
at
the
heart
shaped
face
I
mean
I
just
don't
know
that
stuff
you
know
but
I
also
you
know
I
thought
that
was
another
one
of
those
things
that
you
know
I
could
never
have
happened
earlier
you
know
in
my
life
earlier
in
my
sobriety
you
know
because
there
wasn't
anything
about
me
but
I
would
have
ever
in
those
early
years
of
sobriety
or
before
taking
a
chance
on
passing
on
to
anybody
because
I
hated
everything
about
me
I
don't
think
there
was
anything
good
about
me
and
I
think
there
was
anything
worth
saving
about
me
and
so
I
would
never
ever
and
I
was
very
careful
to
make
sure
I
never
took
a
chance
on
passing
when
I
was
on
to
someone
else
you
know
and
by
the
time
I
had
these
kids
I
don't
feel
that
way
you
know
people
would
say
you
know
gosh
look
so
much
like
you
I
mean
those
who
have
been
fighting
words
for
me
in
the
early
years
nice
writing
on
I
can
say
thank
you
I
know
she's
really
cute
she
didn't
get
curly
hair
but
she'll
be
alright
you
know
and
then
you
tell
you
a
couple
little
stories
about
my
kids
nama
sit
down
I
when
not
after
when
we
were
having
our
third
child
we
needed
we
needed
to
move
on
we're
gonna
get
a
little
bit
bigger
house
but
at
this
house
I've
never
had
a
house
before
and
we
had
this
house
and
the
house
was
was
cute
you
know
it's
nice
the
house
but
he
had
a
tree
damage
free
person
I
don't
know
exactly
why
but
you
know
maybe
it's
the
Irish
in
me
you
know
the
land
I
had
this
tree
and
it
was
a
forty
five
year
old
tree
in
my
backyard
and
I
just
loved
this
tree
and
not
and
so
we
were
going
to
have
to
be
we
were
moving
and
so
I
guess
having
to
move
from
my
tree
and
I
was
outside
by
the
tree
one
day
and
I
was
kind
of
crying
since
leaving
my
tree
and
dot
and
my
little
four
year
old
daughter
said
mommy
why
are
you
crying
and
I
said
you
know
because
honestly
sad
I
I
really
love
the
street
you
know
at
night
we're
not
gonna
have
that
street
we
don't
have
any
tree
you
know
white
tree
and
and
she
said
well
she
said
you
know
maybe
it's
time
for
another
family
to
have
a
turn
to
have
a
tree
you
don't
you
think
gosh
I
should
probably
ask
her
to
be
my
sponsor
I
never
thought
of
that
all
all
right
you
know
but
it's
my
treat
but
anyway
you
know
I
read
different
kinds
of
spiritual
literature
I
I
really
like
stories
just
sort
of
a
story
person
that
works
better
for
me
I
can't
remember
people's
names
very
well
but
you
know
if
you
tell
me
that
the
Doberman
to
drink
vodka
I
usually
remember
you
know
that's
sort
of
how
I
am
so
I
read
these
little
you
know
spiritual
literature
things
and
sometimes
their
little
stories
I
read
this
one
story
in
the
morning
and
I
can't
even
tell
you
exactly
you
know
where
I
got
it
from
but
anyway
some
little
meditation
book
and
it
was
a
story
about
Gandhi
and
Gandhi
was
with
the
group
and
he
had
just
given
some
kind
of
talk
I
think
and
he
was
traveling
by
train
to
someplace
else
and
as
he
was
traveling
he
was
they
were
running
late
and
so
they
had
to
run
to
catch
this
train
I
mean
the
train
was
literally
moving
and
they
had
to
jump
on
the
train
but
as
he
jumped
on
the
train
one
of
his
shoes
came
off
and
fell
and
so
soon
as
he
got
up
on
the
train
he
took
off
his
other
shoe
and
he
threw
it
out
there
and
one
of
his
followers
said
you
do
that
and
he
said
because
if
a
person
came
along
and
they
found
one
shoe
it
would
be
of
no
value
to
them
but
at
least
this
way
if
they
came
along
they
would
find
a
pair
and
maybe
someone
could
put
them
to
use
well
I
you
know
I
thought
of
this
and
I
thought
you
know
what
an
incredible
spiritual
idea
you
know
but
I
I
can't
even
tell
you
when
I
lose
an
earring
I
mean
I
know
where
it's
gonna
be
here
somewhere
we're
tearing
everything
out
of
the
doors
light
or
when
I
dropped
and
I
mean
I
can't
even
think
of
dropping
the
other
hearing
because
I
might
find
the
first
hearing
I
mean
I
had
so
I
just
thought
about
this
I
mean
I
think
this
comes
up
for
me
I
think
about
that
I
think
strongly
that
other
sandal
you
know
I
mean
I'm
thinking
maybe
I
could
buy
one
more
at
the
store
I
mean
you
know
it's
just
not
Anna
and
I
never
really
I
don't
think
I
ever
share
that
story
with
anybody
ever
but
it
really
just
it
was
something
I
should
have
thought
about
so
many
times
and
I've
got
three
years
ago
came
out
of
school
with
my
middle
daughter
we
were
running
to
my
truck
and
she's
climbing
up
the
your
little
runner
board
to
get
in
the
truck
and
and
she
says
mom
I
lost
my
shoes
and
I
said
what
would
you
suggest
and
I
came
around
and
I
looked
and
sure
enough
you
were
right
by
a
gutter
and
she
would
come
off
you
know
just
falling
off
and
it
it's
all
in
the
gutter
and
you
couldn't
see
it
it
was
like
way
down
there
you
can
even
see
it
and
I
got
she
said
should
I
throw
the
other
one
down
oh
my
god
I'm
raising
you
know
stuff
happens
you
know
I
I
don't
know
where
she
came
up
with
anyway
I
I
live
a
life
that
I
never
would
have
wanted
you
know
and
I
am
a
person
that
I
wouldn't
even
want
and
I
have
so
much
fun
I
actually
sometimes
experience
a
fear
of
dying
which
is
so
weird
for
someone
like
me
who
had
spent
so
many
years
wanting
to
die
and
to
get
out
there
so
many
things
that
I
want
to
see
and
I
want
to
do
and
people
I
want
to
meet
and
spend
time
with
you
know
and
I
just
I
don't
know
how
that
happened
I
came
down
comics
anonymous
I
don't
have
any
dreams
I
don't
want
to
do
anything
I
don't
want
to
go
anywhere
I
don't
want
to
be
anyone
you
know
and
I
went
to
the
lots
and
lots
of
these
meetings
and
they
help
me
find
some
dreams
and
then
people
like
you
helped
make
them
come
true
you
know
there's
a
speaker
that
for
me
has
always
been
very
very
special
and
I
strongly
recommend
that
you
get
a
tape
if
you
happen
to
already
ever
heard
him
into
it
in
Los
Angeles
you
know
he
was
from
there
and
his
name
is
norm
LP
and
every
time
I
ever
heard
norm
out
be
sharing
a
meeting
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
I
wanted
to
join
a
and
then
I
remember
that
I
already
was
a
member
I
wouldn't
be
in
there
you
know
but
he
had
so
much
enthusiasm
and
he
was
just
very
very
special
to
me
you
know
the
way
that
he
talked
about
a
one
of
the
things
that
normal
was
said
was
he
would
say
you
know
but
for
the
grace
of
god
rooms
like
this
and
people
like
you
I
could
have
missed
it
all
thanks
for
not
letting
me