The Edisto Roundup

I never know it is the right path for me as an alcoholic father now it's been a nice weapon Montana with staying up with three or four o'clock in the morning and I've seen him get up then an hour after you go to bed and get up to catch a flight back and always wondered where in the world ever got that interview from not nothing I mean energy declined any all over the years

last year some time we had a banquet in Jacksonville and now we put on a great prime rib dinner there

comecon probably had a prime rib dinner

and now you are here in the mail I was walking around the room and people were saying things like well this is really a great round dinner

we have brown beans and brown made them round whatever else you know there is no there were quite a disaster

and unfortunately I was there the the chairman of that vehicle

it's not don't try to help me out when I got up we start talking about a great prime rib dinner and tried to pull all the arms out of the farther I don't think what made it

but you know what R. one thing Tom is always showing me it's not known a man and it's the most valuable thing I think is wrong right is that you know no matter how far down the road if we're right here we go all we're ever going to be as soon as in Tom of ours only the demand side of him and I hope I can return the favor or I can give I also long way from me Tom

John Thomas Jr and alcoholic

why did you see I remember the primary purpose group way in southern pines North Carolina

we're going to watch

and I am delighted to be here at

special pleasure to not have my beautiful and talented Weisberg J. stand that but I'm glad you're good anyway

news rage way of making decisions are invited to go everywhere I go she never goes to Kansas

she gets some added still be just sounded a little more enticing your

there's something about our dedication I guess I wanted you to meet her

but I would say before god does capture good big country a company that does the will not love that my wife and I am absolutely crazy about that girl she stays on my mind all the time

you never

and I was extremely sensitive and caring husband

I say that because there are a couple of folks from the left coast

that

they're trying to start a vicious rumor

that I forgot her today and drove off and left her

never happened

I agree she slot gosh if you'd be up

grab this S. is that

what I get me out of the doghouse or

god senior ads is what apple I am delighted to be here I work my way out of that

thanks bro thanks for a good cop said and thanks for the good work

yeah we we have I'm not I'm not going to hear goes toward a few coppers is I've got a lot of folks here I see on a regular basis around

and we we go to all kinds of places that we go to opulence and splendor at yeah I ever seen ever somebody waiting to hear back and call every second

and other times we go to that extreme

here we're gathering strength

but because everything that happens at this construct it conference is an action of service every single thing

and debate I guess as one of these it makes it sort of special because that human touch is that everything that happened here and it's just just absolute absolutely have a great kind of spirit that pervades as they and I'm just delighted to be a degree here is truly is one of one of god's special places and and what a what a nice weekend what a great time to just come in and relax and kick back this sort of spiritually nourish a little bit and get a little closer to those that are near and dear to us I'm I'm just really pleased to be here yeah I guess if

if anybody did went came by and took a look at this group we would look a lot different than the other but you're

we're borderline Sunday it

it's hard to get so dad when you got a schedule that unceasing of it it just goes on and on we make an effort we got a few little red splotches you're there

so we are like an average last live we we don't look a lot different video conferencing with me here yeah if you look a little closer you find something that's a little bit different about us

we'll laugh a little quicker than the average K.

well I will I have a joke last budget been telling the same joke for thirty five years

all over the world do the same thing

and we still land and it was a lousy job the first time I ever heard

we'll have a little easier

and I'm here today we cry a little

I've got I cry sometimes I read the steps yeah

this lived after really suck it up to get it out and we just are a little different well good I I think there's probably a reason that if we're gonna look like any other bunch we're we're group of a slice of life we're thankful come from all kinds of places and we come from all kinds of experiences and all kinds of background we're all closer into it well got saved today should we just didn't various stages of repair

and so we come together by the way one that they all mention about your creativity I we had the pleasure of having dinner tonight about the rich recently

was a master chef put together sound like when they told me what they were cooking us it ain't no way I'm not even that

and now we're down there took a look at it I said give me the recipe

Hey look at me funny he said well

you just catch anything that walks by growth by swims by flies by growing apart

they call it low but not low bottom

if

it could be welcome

and the

sorry about creativity

okay that's that lit up my life that I think that's great I will guess what it

good stuff

we we are that's who we are we just kind of a a group of folks who come in here and we kinda got special place and and and enjoy fellowship second to none we're joy fellowship this powerful a fellowship that pulled us through unbelievable situations and that's who we are we just gonna come here together in this kind of place and share together sort of celebrate our recovery

and I think the thing that sort of sort of brings that dimension to this group that may be a little lacking is

is that across the board

in this room tonight I seriously doubt unless somebody has gotten wrong leading I seriously doubt that there's a single person here who hasn't come back from the brink of disaster

every person in this room I look bad thank you in the eyes and lived to tell about

where folks have known bondage that most folks don't know

and we're becoming forty people so we are a special kind of a group interview or we come we made around

and about in our focal point is an illness a killer illness called alcoholism that's a very very deadly on this one that takes out the overwhelming majority of those victims most alcoholics dive barely young and usually tragically

and there are a precious few of us a precious few of us

who are fortunate enough to catch that brass ring called recovery and hang on to that sector

and that's who we are Joe would be able to come here not just the privileged vacation we may have some fun

there were people who come here with a with a sure awareness

that we deal with a real lives

when we can hang on god knows in my judgment a tremendous miracle and I want where people who have served her whoever who have recovered

from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body

two young folks with eight days sobriety have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body

the only difference between them and may as time they really a little bit of time we have recovered from the same illness and it's just a matter of time and state of repair and I hope some day that they'll be able to to fully understand that fully appreciate border and arms I thank my god

that that I'm one

who has been in that crowd who has recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body and as well talk with you about tonight I just want to share what we do we share our experience pretty good health we don't teach little bridge if anybody leaves your any smarter they came and it will be a live ball

if you have your probably did not but you do have like copious notes will not be eligible

that is going to share with you about how that it was occurring in my life what happened to bring it to what I hope right was in and it looked as you have to recover is about in my life

yeah

there was a I thought the chairman layoffs at camp the leadership yeah

what would want one of those all it was all true but what others who I have been blessed with the the energy level that has you as just held up pretty well I'm now eighty one years old and

not not quite sure how long they were gonna be

and if there's any good news that I'm going off or not there's a ton of it you have one that I want to be sure you understand an envelope with it and I hope my clothes and wear around it

I'm a guy who has not only been blessed with being recovered from a seemingly hopeless mind of

you don't have the hope was that K. nine inviting I was sick puppy is what I was

and not only have been recovered from that but I'm a guy who's been given a way of life that is absolutely unbelievable

and in my forty fourth year of recovery

and believe me this is not cheerleader dog in my forty fourth year of recovery I had my very finest year and Alcoholics Anonymous and I mean that I mean the most enthusiastic most dynamic most creative most involved here that I've ever had and I've had a lot of good years and so the good news is that you're saying a place to just go whether it dried up and died this is a place for a living and so that's what what it what I want to get out I I don't know what I mean our guy go project we care but a lot of theories

most of the interesting very few very important as they should they're nice if you're bored and don't have much to do you're very alcoholic

a lot of people do a lot of fear read aloud there's not most I'm going to go for my favorite one is that we say seems to be people who are not quite like average folks that we're just sort of a cut above the the average slice of life

we're a little more charismatic little more dynamic a little more nation burger loudly loud more creativity innovative people just absolute just inventors of step

some say they were just part of our network brush greatest artists and we're just sort of

the

now there's a great very I like that one is very very much

well we aged I've I've always heard ever since I've been today that we are going to love that we deem to be a little smarter than average gap only place I have ever heard that discussed is in a meeting

but it's a nice thought I don't know who has it or not all I know is this is that I'm a guy who gave it out because then I would get it done if I was sold today identify with practically every alcoholic that I need not explode

they just seem to be a little more like me than they used to be they must be changed or something

and like most alcoholics I was a guy who seem to be born with a little something lacking or a little to look this up I'm not sure what you what but whatever it was it made it a little difficult we've been alive didn't comfortably comport with Babel then the energy interact with people very well always was kind of locked into myself I became a very self centered and selfish an isolated person as a child and never grew out of that until well into recovery and so that's who I was and kind of uncomfortable guy you wouldn't know it because there's always a loud and always made up of massive step and was the guy that would cut up at the party but inside I never felt what I show because I was a guy who lived with their needs have lead to live one was the one I really was and the one I wish was one that I showed to the world around the socket it's very well that dilemma got sort of sorry for me when I discovered the the the healing effects of alcohol

I started Julius Reagan not abandoned the old neighborhood at the high school gym

it dances but I started sure is right when I'm sixty eight and I don't think I would warn out gonna go they go to Mr now calling don't think of that I have not at all for a long time

well short time

but when I was a guy who who for whom that that stuff just work it did stuff for me that was important valuable out of there's still could not right I've got anybody got that much depth for two dollars worth of loans John whiskey would have been an idiot not to drink SO I just I love what that's that did for me I love how it made me feel they gave me that sense of adequacy and comfort and confidence to do anything that might be a little mind could consider there was no longer any isolate me I just sort of broke out

and I did I was not alcoholic I was a guy who's brown from in this release I was a guy who enjoyed the party line I was a guy who joined by drinking life I enjoyed the noise of your actions

I loved all of the goofy behavior that went with it and that's all that was going on with me I was just a guy who loves the party had never wanted to do yeah and I have your user I don't know how many outcries like yes no you may be able to say it but what wouldn't when I change the code to the end of I hope the end of my because we look back at my life look like a bowler you know it it just sort of started happening and it happened so quickly that I didn't even know what was going wrong well I was in way beyond the point of no return all my own resources and SO I didn't have a clue what would happen I would just sort of got it went through banging his way through life and never had any real definition of what was happening never did have a pronounced rose obsessive okay I was just a guy who fell in love and I think if I had to characterize

John I got was I was down a guy who if he took a drink god only knows what would be happened in that not and and I was a guy that I always had a sort of a

I know usual ability

to

two hours to get over rated go out and I was the kind of guy that people always had a good impression of me if I was so

and they will make some horrible mistakes with that

when I look good yeah Hey guys account again is going to looking for a job and they would hire me for a better job and I'm looking at my career pattern was always that I'd go in and get a job and start out forty days and it just sort of work my way down

I don't remember having a promotion in my life we're not a one I wouldn't normally

right after the first World War

and

I was an easy one when I went in they want

when I left the army thirty eight months later I was a G. minus one

last emotion I read master we're going to look you below the grade if you ever get a promotion you'll be at the bottom yes

the only girl ray would military I was picked out to be an officer was hit the North Carolina been wherever W. W. news I picked out to be an officer good deal that

an amazing ability to get over rated

thirty eight months later I was thrown out with an undesirable discharge for alcoholics because I also had an uncanny ability to sabotage the best thing that ever happened

yeah I got thrown out of the military what to work in a sales job in the first year I was out of the like the salesman of the year said you shall not come

pretty good at

fired the same year round because

I had an opportunity to go to the university of Missouri hospital in Columbia with guaranteed employment at the end of my law training

I decided to have a little break and stay

you go to jail

and I was still in my life it was unbelievably good starts

an amazing ability to screw up no matter what it was very good the wrong time

and so that better set in and so that was me I would just as kind of a wild crazy gap bouncing around and get there's a lot of a lot of difficulties anybody breaks but United would be bound to get into a little bit of trouble and so I really only started having kind of a place I've been locked up a lot of them don't even know how many times but a lot

and even though there was some baggage associated with the way I drank had I've been able to continue drinking as ugly as it was I would be doing it tonight

I'm not here because I heard about a wonderful college called Alcoholics Anonymous the G. that they got a joint and do some volunteer work thank you that was never a consideration

L. dot only reason I'm here is that I developed alcoholism

yeah I I I say yeah and I mean that that had I been unable to continue drinking and not develop alcoholism I would be doing

but the strange thing is what happens in recovery

is that today if somebody hit me over the head with a magic wand and said son is all over you can go party if you'd like I wouldn't go

I would go it is not overcome a moralist but this thing has worked to such an extent outside by the other day I cannot think of one possible way that a drink would improve my life in any way whatsoever

I mean not

it broke my personality my circle of friends my finances by plastic waste of many virtual career my marriage anything it will my pleasure

I can't say one way that I could possibly use a great so I don't think I would go and what is your what I'm just kind of a guy running wild in that they left out because I'm like that that understand our whole lives what what it really comes down to is after this that that were sacked cross that line into alcoholism as opposed to heavy drinking I was somebody that couldn't predict what he would do it because it's right in my life just sort of became a series of seemingly endless series of buttons are hands of incidents that happened where I would start breaking in one place lined up and just unbelievable stuff happened no jails all too often psych ward wake up in the hospital with gas on and not even know who they had an accident and they seem to be me

a lot of time waking up your Allstate woke up married one one time to a woman that I didn't even know I gave you got restricted strong look over that and that's

right stronger afterwards

that was me I was just one of those cattle wild crazy dudes that just went that way and when I look at it mine was a was a pretty quick after signing that kind of a career I was the guy that I never did have the pieces that are just sort of started out pretty low and stayed there I did I just got worse I didn't I never did have any real medical tests

but when I look at it and and contrast the two is that saying that sixteen year old girl out coming out of high school over and over what you're I would hear you out and then demanded guy eight years later had gone through this kind of crazy look a mess like that and was living up in the city of flint Michigan say they have made people up in Michigan and

there's a guy there

got sick yeah

this man

by looking young man

was one of nature's finest he is a retired police officer from plant Michigan

as you can tell by looking at stand up about the

no that's how young you have to retire as a policeman

some of his predecessors used to get mail regulation that's where I wound up enough it was a vision of that and and and and and eleven account of life that I honest to god I didn't even know existed but when I started out I wound up at a I sincerely yeah I got to that both my career where I couldn't say employed and not a lot of basic living address last year that I didn't need to jail the hospitals are are flocking to somebody's place her on the street or safer than the Rialto theater and at just crazy crazy stuff like that now sure you I never had any inclination of going to a place like I didn't even know there were places like that but I just sort of went were drunk with that's where they went that's where I went and that's where I crashed and burned as a young volunteers ended early twenties and I never want to forget the devastating nature of that not terms of just the squalor and the and the and the anger and a social social role that I was there the disgusting humiliation is very impressed by that all of that

but I never want to forget what I felt like on the inside as as a as a as a young person who just died on the inside and and was able to even have any sense of decency or peppers back or even a desire to be that and I never want to forget that god lives in those conditions at any time I get to thinking about the consequences about college and to me that's what I want to remember what happened on the on the inside of this guy yeah I it it would be nice men many of you are well aware I'm not sure I got lots of friends here and and and and I wish to god knows how much I wish I could tell you that that I had enough and sought help and and and and and and found that it got a day and then they turn around just didn't happen instead

I was one of those who wound up doing that kind of thing I know every alcoholic in the world we're doing families probably more because there have been a have to clearly see what's going on and I was again a guy who always I knew I was capable of anything but I never really thought I would ever do do major damage anybody I didn't intend to

but but good god knows what will happen when an alcoholic is it is it running wild and one night I was driving a car at the main street of the city they're they're glad that federal street and

struck and killed two people on the street and and and and yeah I didn't I didn't know until the next morning when I woke up in jail and I assume when I woke up that I was in there for the same as always you know just get straight behavior whatever and

the jailer came by really well and I said we're going to get out and he would usually say ten o'clock I was gonna get knocked out and and US normalization unlock you go and that time he said I hope never locked up

I had not a clue what he's talking about but knew it wasn't good and there's some other guys in the in the in the in the drunk tank told me that day did that in the papers and and that that that's what happened and mine and my mind was incapable of accepting the information I mean I knew I could have done anything but that is going on think of all kinds of things to deal with and my response was just to push it away and then gradually accepted because and then seven six days later my family they didn't learn it some somebody everyone all through the PlayStation head of the nobody else had left since the call the phone call the use of all and that is why are predominant books or that I had been laid down there

we contacted them and then they came up and got an attorney negotiated by release on bond I didn't want out but I don't know how to say that I didn't want out night I know that I would never drink again thank god how could you drink after something like that

once you understand alcoholism the question changes how could you not right after something like that and I did of course not everyone agrees states over there I have just by walking the streets of god couldn't stand to be around anybody could stand to look at if I have the shade the breeding

a state run drop in July

the November fifty six and then in the nineties the number fifty six was the date of what I hope and pray would not last right

didn't know it was gonna be but I knew it was going to be for a long time but that day I was to be tried on those charges that slaughter and I knew when I went to the court that I was not going to back there was absolutely no no no you know I didn't want to come back

when I presented at one level it must after that court I knew that I was gone and I never believed I would ever come back to society again the they were really really telling me when that Tony had told me when I would ask you to submit your plea he had made a plea standard mute

I never knew there was such a play I was always in a drunk line you know and it just you okay with an automatic responses and he said standing with that and that's what I played what more could you say

what what did you say it we we wake up in a blackout you have not a clue what you've done I could need John what I doubt they had to tell me what I've done I was going about your day sinister about five fifteen year sentence and in this respect that eventually

and

number that is clearly as of today and and and I had an instinctive reaction of we are just a very normal thing

but the most real sense of relief I'd ever known at same time because I knew it was over not optimism not how I knew it was done and I walked into that place the next day resigned unlock they never believed I would ever come out of there alive

and I would not have had I tried to get through doing that sentence all my old devices if I drive to the need to do a lot of time in their own street behavior using my old skills how to guide the the lab for breakfast and I don't have any illusions that it was a nasty place the big the the the photo good day I walked in there there were six thousand dollars locked up in that institution

the very fine people that some some some that are my dear friends to this day some that are proud members of the opposition I would want that the truck is what one of my closest friend on this earth I guess

and

but don't let a very very generous portions of the story is the excuses for human beings I've ever seen

and that was my place to live and whoever believes that in a place like that that was an absolute just walk the wall negativity twenty four hours a day a place where violence and tension and anxiety permeated every breath that you put

at a place where where Candice was considered weakness

they were the strong survive

and I tried to do it your coping there was street behavior Hey no way I would not a minute and as I was allowed to beat up young well I was a very isolated guy and then would just hammered with that mountain of guilt when they put me and I decided myself didn't communicate with anybody nobody

never visited with anybody just sat there like a god of home almost and and then one day it's it's an amazing thing to me I've never I've never quit being marveled at by the by by what happened yeah well it was a runaway killer illness like alcoholism lobbies that takes them round and round and round

well it makes some profound but not necessarily complex and and the thing that is of of the thing that amazes me is that I've had a lot of people talk to me about my alcoholism but one day a guy called me up for an interview

and I didn't think I had alcoholism a lot other people didn't like that but I didn't I and this guy called me out little rookie social worker from Michigan state and if you get a standard social work interviews I don't know now and and I do a standard alcoholic response on top of that I could get so good and you know the drill and the amazing thing was that he made exactly the same diagnosis everybody whatever topic we may never have one my god you're an awful drunk or you'd like to let your your laughter Holly and and always it had gone on to something like why don't you quit drinking yeah or other such wisdom is that

why are you not allowed to drink less you are good business stupidly right well I mean I was alright give me today and this guy explained to come out because and then he says I'm not never was and we have a group your decision I think you ought to go I was in order what do you draft me or anything like that they were just sort of a flat the statement you have a group got to go and

and I really believe the only reason I went to that first meeting a groundhog day fifty seven was the day I walked in the first meeting as much about a day

and

the day I walked in

I had not a clue what to expect probably much like you work at your parties don't have a clue they've got an eight day renovating much like we register the Braves same correct I am proud that not J. one lick read the same steps same how it works yeah traditions the whole bit

they prayed and I knew it was all right I mean I couldn't let anybody help with drugs you didn't cry about it I mean I just so I went with it at

so they did a lot of it was sort of in the norm of what I would expect

and

then there are no suspects

and when I think back to the things that fell in place to make this program come alive for me they were little things but they were critical things and and yeah I'm one who believes that what we're talking some about meetings you know and and and and and and walking into some rag tag this shape playing because at that disposal of blackout because not I always worry about that the the the impact of that first impression because they're so difficult to overcome I thank god when I walked into that group even though the maximum pressure to prevent maybe because it was and I got a better day

I've never been a more solid group

yeah well maybe wanted now but it it would be a close competition because it was an excellent group of Alcoholics Anonymous

and now many things in that group came to have great meaning a great value you're not I'll just make it a little I know that first leading the thing that I think is probably the most critical thing that happened in terms of immediate impact was a god spoke to me we got a shot shot shot Walker what is name but it has already lead by Scott Walker

from Kalamazoo Michigan and and he was a guy with an unbelievable history I've just I've I've never seen anybody write like that that talk about it I mean I've seen people with bad issue they didn't talk about it and this guy talked about it like it was a little longer so you know you got burnt tell that story I never heard from him things like that

and then I didn't identify with you is is different for me is anybody ever met

I did not I did up if I have the experience that didn't notify with that title well it was it wasn't the same kind of guy was and the amazing thing is that I came back the next week you're not the only reason that I came back with not curiosity

it was not because I thought I might have a great but I'm not a believer in

the only thing that brought me back is that I was the guy at the absolute bottom and and I know that now

and this guy gave off some signal of life

H. A. words that he had that galvanizing magnetics does he ask them that I think is just as valuable as the prestige

that got yes gave me a little hint of it because you have that there may be life after so what and and that's the only reason the next week I found myself sitting in that room there's a bit more consider myself a member than anything that I I can't back I stayed in that place we're gonna have years never missed a single meeting whether it was once a week or once a day I never never missing one number good wow it was not in the sense of of of belonging yeah I sat in there there were three hundred people in that group and they all said they were alcoholics I'd say I was due but it didn't really say it was just work

and not I am so thankful that that that group that I was in was assigned a group that what about the the the purpose of the bill condition I believe that every time we made I don't care what did you

the primary purpose is what it's all about just like you're not this weekend we're we're having a good time we're having some relaxation we have taken out a loan on substances that that

but that's not our primary purpose you know those things contribute to our primary purpose of reaching the alcoholic who still suffers and so they are tremendously important and I think what it will be dark general service doctors that are needed three weeks its primary purpose is those young folks who walked in you're not

or those who ever we are in here who may still be separate it so that's what we're about and that's what that group was about they got there what about in a great way they did a super job of introducing new people about how much knowledge they did just keeps a walkable back it'll rub off on you it didn't say anything even wrong with that

they explained in very logical terms what this design for a living is about

the first three months I was in this program yeah I was from that group every week would meet with new people very much a people and go over this design for living that we call acknowledge not

some of the mystery out of it that is not some this mistake that happens to a fortunate few yes a very logical rational plan for a living

I've been a manager for well retired now but I've been a manager for

thirty five years or so

and my whole life is has worked around planning and projections in the valuations and designs for things

I have never seen a single design

that has more logic and power in lease and then the design for living in our products and I didn't look that way to start with but I found it to be so and I was given that just last night you guys only difference between barely made is that their state to require was just a little ahead of mine

and I turned around to what was boasted they'll insider got behind on that yet what we do

no rocket scientist yes sorry guys but they provided away from

I'll always be grateful for that it gave me a fundamental grounding in this program that was tremendously important wasn't he still didn't live with an alcoholic deep down

but I kept coming back I've always been a reader I did not read the read everything we had we we didn't have a lot delete got the copy the second second book that ever published today and we did we had we had about twelve things when I came in today

a lot under twenty five thousand members so we we don't have a lot so I read all that stuff

it was more like reading at the library so I didn't really look into it it was just a I knew the words and I'll tell you that they're doing today the next September they want one I say one more thing about the group

I'm a good guy and because I guess that's where I started and your legacy always comes with its route they should act as as so I'm I'm I'm I'm a good guy because

looking back thank goodness so much to me because it was the first place I ever invested trust

in my life

I was always somebody who didn't believe words I don't believe nobody about not

and I was not somebody who had any notion that somebody was going to go out of their way to do something for me

trust was born in Alcoholics Anonymous because I saw people doing exactly what they said they would do

Kerry not exactly what they said their commitments with the

and that gave me trust

that there was something here

the first power that I ever believed in my life I mean ever in my life was the power that I sensed in that group

and I'm not talking about collective muscle I'm talking about a spiritual power that was greater than us that permeated that real national park power ever believed in

as the perverse power that I ever honestly right

always be grateful that that happens in strong purposeful groups

may not happen in just a little copy questions it was powerful for me and as always be grateful that yeah those are are tremendously important things I'm itching to get a fellowship is a powerful thing and I don't minimize it whatsoever